In need of witty, sarcastic comebacks.

[plain jane]

I'm incredibly done with complete strangers staring, then asking me if all my kids are mine or if I'm going to have any more. :glare: Or counting them out loud in front of me in some odd attempt to impress me with their numeration skills. :confused: None of it actually bothers me but I've decided that I'm no longer going to smile and be polite about it. Because frankly, well, it would just be fun not to be for a bit. :lol:

 

It's not like I have 15. In fact, I don't even have half of 15. Where I live, most families have 5 or more. Our family size is really not that unusual.

 

My big beef is when people ask if I'm going to have more. I don't mind people I know asking if we're thinking of more, but a complete stranger? Really? What's it to them? And what answer are they looking for, exactly? Yes, I'm planning to add to the overpolulation problem :rolleyes: or Heavens, no, I don't like kids. :001_huh:

 

I'm thinking next time, I'll just say, "No, actually we're not done (pause and insert sweet smile) Do you have herpes?" When I get the evil look, I'll just shrug and say I thought it was my turn to ask a complete stranger an intimate and none of my business question.

 

Or maybe I'll tell the next person who asks if they're all mine that indeed they are... except for that one over there (pointing to my oldest). She's our illegal underaged nanny that we stole from down the street.

 

I'd love to point to my pregnant belly and say, "all except this one," but alas, I'm not pregnant. Drat.

 

Or perhaps it would just be best to say that indeed, none of them are mine. That after searching the world over for kids that look just. like. me. (and each other) I simply had to have them and stole them from their families just so I could take them all to WalMart with me. :glare:

 

So, I'm in need of some snappy comebacks because darn it, I'm going to use them. Of course, now that I've made up my mind to, nobody is going to ask.:lol:

[Mergath]

I don't think people asking if they're all yours is meant to be insulting. I asked that of an acquaintance the other day, because I honestly didn't know, and a lot of women in the area run small in-home daycares. I wasn't trying to be snide. And I then proceeded to gush about how beautiful they all are. :001_smile:

[kiana]

You must be a better woman than I am.

 

If someone asked me if I were going to have more, my responses would be along the lines of "Yes, we're getting on that tonight! Got any music suggestions? We found this wonderful strawberry lotion ... "

 

Yeah, I know, it might be crude. So is asking about my family planning. :P

[Tangerine]

Hee! I like the herpes one. I would come up with a list of inappropriate questions.

 

Do you ever get that, not-so-fresh feeling?

[Night Elf]

"Wow, what a rude and personal comment/question. Surely you wouldn't really expect an answer? I don't even know you!" and wear a very confused look on your face.

[redsquirrel]

Are they all yours?

 

Well, no, but you know what they say about what happens if you feed them.

 

Are you going to have any more?

(if said by a man) Why, are you offering to help?

(if said by a female) Are YOU going to have more kids?

(to anyone) "wow, no one has ever asked me such a personal question before."

 

My personal answer to any question that I don't want to answer or find rude etc is a simple, "Why do you ask?" Occasionally people have a legitimate reason for asking and then I am glad I didn't make a snappy retort.

[Tangerine]

You must be a better woman than I am.

 

If someone asked me if I were going to have more, my responses would be along the lines of "Yes, we're getting on that tonight! Got any music suggestions? We found this wonderful strawberry lotion ... "

 

Yeah, I know, it might be crude. So is asking about my family planning. :P

 

 

This is along the lines of what I suggested to my friends with twins. When people ask how they were conceived, I told them should say "Well [friend] had too much wine one night...."

[plain jane]

I don't think people asking if they're all yours is meant to be insulting. I asked that of an acquaintance the other day, because I honestly didn't know, and a lot of women in the area run small in-home daycares. I wasn't trying to be snide. And I then proceeded to gush about how beautiful they all are. :001_smile:

 

I don't take it as insulting but I don't really get why people care.

 

Most people follow up with, "that's awesome" or "that's great." So somehow I'm less of a woman if the 3yo who's having a temper tantrum and the baby who is screaming and the 5yo who is about to pee his pants are not mine? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean really... who in their right mind besides a mother would take such a crowd into any store in the first place?:tongue_smilie:

[Night Elf]

This is along the lines of what I suggested to my friends with twins. When people ask how they were conceived, I told them should say "Well [friend] had too much wine one night...."

 

See.. I would say 'Wow, didn't you cover that in sex education?' :D

[kiana]

I don't take it as insulting but I don't really get why people care.

 

Most people follow up with, "that's awesome" or "that's great." So somehow I'm less of a woman if the 3yo who's having a temper tantrum and the baby who is screaming and the 5yo who is about to pee his pants are not mine? :tongue_smilie:

 

I mean really... who in their right mind besides a mother would take such a crowd into any store in the first place?:tongue_smilie:

 

Lol

 

Just get them all 'Your_Surname Family Daycare' t-shirts :D

[Danestress]

They pretty much all seem like stooping.

 

I understand the temptation. I've had some pretty rude questions about my twins and especially about their medical conditions as babies.

 

But nothing gives beauty to your life that nice manners, just in a surface way, and nothing will leave you feeling better. When someone asked me an inappropriate question (and I have some real doozies) it

always felt better in the long run to smile and say, "Thank you so much for inquiring about us. That seems like a personal question, though," and then continuing to be gracious in the follow up.

 

I know it's more fun to hear how you can return fire with fire, but rudeness never makes you feel better.

Edited October 25, 2011 by Danestress

[plain jane]

Tthey pretty much all seem like stooping.

 

I understand the temptation. I've had some pretty rude questions about my twins and especially about their medical conditions as babies.

 

But nothing gives beauty to your life that nice manners, just in a surface way, and nothing will leave you feeling better. When someone asked me an inappropriate question (and I have some real doozies) it

always felt better in the long run to smile and say, "Thank you so much for inquiring about us. That seems like a persona question, though" and then continuing to be gracious in the follow up.

 

I know it's more fun to here how you can return fire with fire, but rudeness never makes you feel better.

 

I completely get what you are saying. I'll even admit that I'm quite sure you are right. But even so. I need to get an edgy comment now and then. I think I'll explode if I don't. :lol:

[twoforjoy]

I'm thinking next time, I'll just say, "No, actually we're not done (pause and insert sweet smile) Do you have herpes?"

 

Except then it kind of sounds like you're trying to see if they're up to fathering the next one. :lol:

 

Honestly, though, I think most people are just trying, in a very awkward way, to make conversation, and probably polite conversation. When I was pregnant with the new baby, I got a few "Don't you know how that happens?" comments, probably because DD was still a baby. I would just smile and say something like, "Yeah, they are going to be close in age." Nobody ever followed up with a nasty comment.

 

I'm sure it gets frustrating, but I do think most people mean well. Or are so oblivious that they wouldn't be able to correctly interpret a witty response.

[Lara in Colo]

to the having more question:

 

Are you with the Census or something?

 

Is there a legal limit I am unaware of?

 

 

To the are they yours question:

 

That's what my husband tells me, but sometimes I wonder if they are the (random female profession)'s.......... ie nurse, mail lady,

 

No, random people just drop them on my doorstep.

 

 

 

Lara

[pqr]

I do not see the questions as being rude.

[justamouse]

;)

Edited October 25, 2011 by justamouse

[ByGrace3]

Whenever someone asks if we are done/ planning to have any more, I just say "we are just getting started!" Now, we may or may not be done, but that response shuts them up ;)

[Karen in CO]

I like what the dad said on the old Cheaper by the Dozen movie when asked if all the kids were his,

"Oh, these aren't so many. You ought to see the ones we left behind."

[SJ.]

I'm sorry you are bothered by this. :grouphug:

 

I have two children and get asked if I am going to have more. I see it more as harmless small talk than someone casting judgment on my family size.

 

Before coming to this board I would have thought nothing of asking someone with a large group of children if they were all theirs - IF I were making small talk anyways and we were talking about the children. I wouldn't go out of my way to do so. Now I know that this is something frowned upon by large families, I'm assuming it is partly because they are tired of being asked.

 

SJ

[FaithManor]

Are you going to have anymore?

 

Response - "Well, I've been layin' a clutch and I'll be setting them eggs soon. I'll let you know if any hatch!"

 

or

 

"It depends on if we get to swim upstream this season or not."

 

Faith

[FaithManor]

I do not see the questions as being rude.

 

They are personal questions and should not be asked by mere acquaintances and strangers.

 

When I was pregnant with my 4th, random people in stores seemed to have a lot of personal questions. It's not appropriate.

 

Faith

[FaithManor]

Dh would also like to contribute to the "having any more" responses:

 

"The Dummies book didn't tell us how to stop!"

 

"I think of it as a retirement plan."

 

"If at first you succeed, try try again!"

 

Faith

[plain jane]

IF I were making small talk anyways and we were talking about the children. I wouldn't go out of my way to do so. Now I know that this is something frowned upon by large families, I'm assuming it is partly because they are tired of being asked.

 

SJ

 

See, that's the thing. I'm not even talking to these people or acknowledging their presence. They stand there for several minutes staring, then ask. What does it matter if they are all mine or not? One minute they're paying for their eggs and the next they're bugging me with their ridiculous questions.

 

It's only 5 kids, it's not like we're the size of the Duggars or anything. :confused:

[FO4UR]

I thought the Herpes line was great... Hemmorrhoids would be fun too...not to have, but to ask about.

 

Give the :blink: look...and when it is returned, BAM! "My, I must have made you uncomfortable with my refusal to answer such a personal question...or maybe you have a painful *ahem* itching and burning sensation and could use some Tucks Pads. Isle 8 - over there (as you raise your voice a bit so passersby can hear), right next to the enemas - Tucks - T.U.C.K.S - Tucks Pads. They are GREAT! After this last one (pinching the cheek of your youngest), I sat on these for a week and it really helped my hemmorrhoids...."

[BMW]

We had lots of people stop and count as we went into stores or whatever... I just kept us moving along...

 

I've shared before that I was once asked if I was trying to change the electoral vote of the state. I was also lectured by a stranger as to overpopulation.

 

Whenever we were asked, we said we were shooting for a dozen and then we'd see from there...

 

I ended up with 7 total and I enjoyed saying I had "one and a half-dozen".

 

I miss those days, though. As far as the children go. I would love to go back and have a day with them again as little ones... So, don't let others interrupt your joy.

[pqr]

They are personal questions and should not be asked by mere acquaintances and strangers.

 

When I was pregnant with my 4th, random people in stores seemed to have a lot of personal questions. It's not appropriate.

 

Faith

 

People see things in different ways. When I was out with my pregnant wife and our kids I took no offense at strangers asking that type of question. People were not being mean or deliberately rude.

[myfunnybunch]

"Are they all yours?"isn't that big a deal. Just look at one of the kids and ask, "Hey, where did you come from?" or say, "They were buy one, get one free, so I stocked up."

 

Then laugh and say, "Yes, they're mine."

 

It's just friendly small talk, not worth getting upset over. Sometimes women with more than the usual amount of kids are babysitting or have kids' friends tagging along. *shrug* No biggie.

 

I do think it's rude for a stranger to ask if you're planning to have more. So sock it to 'em, lol. This is my favorite:

"Wow, what a rude and personal comment/question. Surely you wouldn't really expect an answer? I don't even know you!" and wear a very confused look on your face.

 

Cat

[Amber in SJ]

I have been known to tell people that I am not trying to overpopulate the planet, just out number the idiots.

 

My favorite variation on this kind of question is the one where the stranger asks if they all have the same father. :glare:

 

Or the pastor (I may have shared this before) who told me at my brother's wedding that he hoped I'd be having more because I have perfect Aryan children. :blink:

 

Or the people who look at my children and tell me I must be glad that last one was a boy because now I can stop already!

 

Or the person who asked me if my son was really my daughter's child (she was 11yo) & I was the grandma.

 

I really don't get why people feel free to tell me whatever thought comes into their head....

 

I blame texting :D

 

Amber in SJ

[amyable]

I have been known to tell people that I am not trying to overpopulate the planet, just out number the idiots.

 

This one is my favorite, although I only use it around good friends. I haven't been brave enough to use it with strangers.

 

Or the people who look at my children and tell me I must be glad that last one was a boy because now I can stop already!

 

I hear ya. :banghead: I even hate that it looks like we DID stop because we "got our boy." Seriously, that wasn't it.

 

I wish I had some great comebacks -- I'm really looking for that fine line: kind, loving, but true and to the point.

 

FWIW, I know some people aren't trying to be rude. I really don't mind answering for them. It's the ones that gasp out loud and count aloud to everyone on the elevator then say "ewww" when they see that I'm pg again, or make horrified faces with "that" tone of voice then ask their question or make their comment-- THOSE people aren't trying to be nice. And it's hard not to be upset when it happens in front of my kids. My well behaved kids. Repeatedly.

Edited October 25, 2011 by amyable

[Denisemomof4]

I'm thinking next time, I'll just say, "No, actually we're not done (pause and insert sweet smile) Do you have herpes?" When I get the evil look, I'll just shrug and say I thought it was my turn to ask a complete stranger an intimate and none of my business question.

 

:

 

I laughed so hard at this that dh came to see what was so funny!:lol::lol::lol: You've GOT to do this! This is AWESOME!!! But to make it better, first answer with, "No, we're not done yet! We're adopting a sibling group. How many you ask? 5 children. By the way, how rude of me to be doing all the talking! I was wondering, Do you have herpes? I just thought it was my turn to ask a complete stranger an intimate question which was CLEARLY none of my business."

 

Then walk away.

 

 

HAHAHA!

 

I can't wait to see the responses now. I'll think of more!

 

And BTW, I used to hate that question All The Time. I only have four kids! BUt I think half the morons who directed this question to me were doing so because my youngest is Asian. It was SO annoying!!!

[FaithManor]

I really don't get why people feel free to tell me whatever thought comes into their head....

 

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

This is what I do not get. Not everything that pops into one's head should pop out of one's mouth and that is a lesson far too few people have learned. I'd like to go back to a more Edwardian approach to conversations in public. "If you can't say something nice, and you can't mind your own business, then please restrict your remarks to the weather or the queen's latest hat!" I suppose in America we could substitute the queen's hat for general comments on, oh say, Academy Award attire. :D

 

Seriously, it doesn't matter if they are deliberately trying to be rude or not, it.is.not.their.business.period and it should not be asked.

 

The lack of manners is quite appalling.

 

Faith

[DawnM]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcCN4HQZBM8

 

:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

You must be a better woman than I am.

 

If someone asked me if I were going to have more, my responses would be along the lines of "Yes, we're getting on that tonight! Got any music suggestions? We found this wonderful strawberry lotion ... "

 

Yeah, I know, it might be crude. So is asking about my family planning. :P

[Denisemomof4]

They pretty much all seem like stooping.

 

I understand the temptation. I've had some pretty rude questions about my twins and especially about their medical conditions as babies.

 

But nothing gives beauty to your life that nice manners, just in a surface way, and nothing will leave you feeling better. When someone asked me an inappropriate question (and I have some real doozies) it

always felt better in the long run to smile and say, "Thank you so much for inquiring about us. That seems like a personal question, though," and then continuing to be gracious in the follow up.

 

I know it's more fun to hear how you can return fire with fire, but rudeness never makes you feel better.

 

I *COMPLETELY* agree with you, but sometimes it's just necessary to let your mind go there.:tongue_smilie:

[Mergath]

See, that's the thing. I'm not even talking to these people or acknowledging their presence. They stand there for several minutes staring, then ask. What does it matter if they are all mine or not? One minute they're paying for their eggs and the next they're bugging me with their ridiculous questions.

 

It's only 5 kids, it's not like we're the size of the Duggars or anything. :confused:

 

Some of us who ask are a little jealous. ;) I'd love to have a bunch of kids, but dh only wants one.

[PiCO]

So, I'm in need of some snappy comebacks because darn it, I'm going to use them. Of course, now that I've made up my mind to, nobody is going to ask.:lol:

 

I would go with humor. They will laugh and realize their question was rude.

 

Maybe when asked if you're planning more, say- "Well, I'd love to stop but I have no idea what causes this." or "I'm trying to have an even number of boys and girls." "I want my own basketball team." "I need a few spares in case some don't end up rich enough to support me in my old age." "I need 12 so I can live one month with each after I retire."

 

Are they all yours? "I think the nurses at the hospital slipped a couple extras in my car when I was leaving the hospital." "Would you like to see my stretch marks to prove it?" "Yes! I had them all DNA tested just to make sure..."

 

I think people who ask if they all have the same father deserve a blank stare. Or maybe "Their fathers are all the same, but I'm not so sure about the mothers..."

[Impish]

To the, "Are they all yours?" question...

 

Look at them in amazement, and cry, "YOU SEE THEM TOO?!" then start crying and chanting, "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy..."

[Denisemomof4]

to the, "are they all yours?" question...

 

look at them in amazement, and cry, "you see them too?!" then start crying and chanting, "i'm not crazy, i'm not crazy, i'm not crazy..."

 

hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This!!!!!

[brett_ashley]

These comments are really getting under my skin too. Last Friday we went to lunch (the whole family) and the hostess pleasantly said, "2 adults, 4 kids?" and my six-year-old promptly said, "We know. My parents have their hands full."

[rocketgirl]

Its just the social awkwardness & people not knowing what to say & thinking they should be funny, not knowing or thinking about how that would make you feel. People have been making these exact same comments for years. I'm sorry that people are like that, but they are. I've seen it too & its too much to take personally because while it is very personal at that moment to you, because it is said to you & referring to you and your family, its really not, because they don't know you, but may be trying to know you (hopefully) or just stereotyping. I always get upset when I'm caught off guard in situations like this. But otherwise I see it as people making wacky comments because they are really asking questions, and don't know how. They might want to know, or may be so limited in their understanding of the world (closed minded) that they need you to open it. If I have the patience at that moment (which is rare) I say something wonderful.

Edited October 25, 2011 by rocketgirl

[*Inna*]

I would go with humor. They will laugh and realize their question was rude.

 

Maybe when asked if you're planning more, say- "Well, I'd love to stop but I have no idea what causes this."

Ooh, I love this! :lol::lol::lol:

 

To the, "Are they all yours?" question...

 

Look at them in amazement, and cry, "YOU SEE THEM TOO?!" then start crying and chanting, "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy..."

This is seriously awesome! :lol::lol::lol:

 

I've had people saying, "Wow, your hands are sure full!" I have THREE kids. :glare: I never could come up with something witty on the spot. Usually, I just laugh and say, "Yes".

[merry gardens]

To the, "Are they all yours?" question...

 

Look at them in amazement, and cry, "YOU SEE THEM TOO?!" then start crying and chanting, "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy..."

:lol: This one had me laughing so hard that I started crying and now my stretch-marked stomach hurts!

[Carrie-txmama2six]

I agree, but it sure is tempting some days.

 

I was waiting for children's choir to start the other day and let my two daughters (9 and 10) play on the playground while we waited. A man came up to them and was asking them something, so I started walking towards him. He asked me if I was their mother (with the tone of utter astoninshment) and when I answered yes, he said, "but they are brown and you are white." Hmmm.. I couldn't even answer, I just stood there stunned. My daughters are darker than me (Pacific Islanders) and are adopted, but come on.

 

 

They pretty much all seem like stooping.

 

I understand the temptation. I've had some pretty rude questions about my twins and especially about their medical conditions as babies.

 

But nothing gives beauty to your life that nice manners, just in a surface way, and nothing will leave you feeling better. When someone asked me an inappropriate question (and I have some real doozies) it

always felt better in the long run to smile and say, "Thank you so much for inquiring about us. That seems like a personal question, though," and then continuing to be gracious in the follow up.

 

I know it's more fun to hear how you can return fire with fire, but rudeness never makes you feel better.

[Garga]

People see things in different ways. When I was out with my pregnant wife and our kids I took no offense at strangers asking that type of question. People were not being mean or deliberately rude.

 

I agree that people are usually not trying to be rude or snarky.

 

Large families used to be the norm, but they're not now. As an only child I used to wonder what it would be like to have a large family. I used to read books about families with 4 or more children and loooong for that. So, when I see a family with a bunch of kids, I think of Cheaper By the Dozen or other books along those lines and feel a little pang of longing to belong to a family like that.

 

Maybe that's why people ask you about all the kids.

 

I also agree with another poster that if you start giving out smart aleck (sp?) responses, you'll end up feeling bad about it.

Edited October 25, 2011 by Garga

[LibraryLover]

I wanted a large family from the time I could think about having children! lol Technically, I am still two short of my original goal. ;) To this day when I get the, 'Wow, you have how many kids?" I smile and say it's been wonderful.

 

When they were tiny and always in tow, any comment about whether they were mine (and race difference is/was an issue :), so not a totally unfair question) was answered with, "Sometimes you get what you wish for". That stopped folks in their tracks. You can also subsitute pray for wish. Works like a charm and smiles are pretty much (ok, not always) the response.

Edited October 25, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Mergath]

To the, "Are they all yours?" question...

 

Look at them in amazement, and cry, "YOU SEE THEM TOO?!" then start crying and chanting, "I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy..."

 

:lol:

 

Now I really wish I had a bunch of kids, just so I could try that out sometime.

[justasque]

Honestly, though, I think most people are just trying, in a very awkward way, to make conversation, and probably polite conversation.

 

Most people follow up with, "that's awesome" or "that's great."

 

I've been in the opposite boat. Quite often I'll be herding a bunch of kids who are NOT mine. They might be a mix of my kids and their cousins or friends, sometimes tots through teens. Race/appearance of the kids doesn't seem to matter, I still get asked if they're mine. I think it's not that common for adults to take kids out in a big group to certain kinds of places. I mean, who in their right mind grocery shops with six kids in tow, even if they have six+ of their own to chose from? Well, sometimes I do. ;) Many adults spend all day in offices without kids, and live without kids, and so on. They just don't see that many kids period, let alone a bunch at once.

 

So my answer is usually "no", or "no they're cousins", or "no but I'd love to have 'em all", or whatever. I don't take it personally. People are just making conversation. Sometimes they want the relationships clear so they can make further conversation appropriately. I think too that sometimes older people are remembering the joy of their own kids, and kind of missing having kids around, and by conversing with you kind of soaking up some of that "kid vibe" that they used to have in their homes. Just like we all coo over babies - we want to make contact with that wondrous thing that babies are all about. So I try to be pleasant and brighten the asker's day a bit by making that human contact, even if the conversation is kinda lame.

[bzymom]

It really amazes me what people will ask! I was asked a thousand times if my two youngest were the result of a second marriage.:confused:

 

When people asked (usually at a store) if they were all mine, I would often answer that I just rented them to bring to the market to make it more challenging.

 

Am I planning to have more? Absolutely. We have boys and girls, so now we are shooting for a puppy.

[Halftime Hope]

"Sometimes you get what you wish for". That stopped folks in their tracks. You can also subsitute pray for wish. Works like a charm and smiles are pretty much (ok, not always) the response.

 

LL, I love your response. : ) Sweet and gives the person a diff POV that might open their mind a bit, if they needed it.

[Word Nerd]

Ooh, I love this! :lol::lol::lol:

 

 

This is seriously awesome! :lol::lol::lol:

 

I've had people saying, "Wow, your hands are sure full!" I have THREE kids. :glare: I never could come up with something witty on the spot. Usually, I just laugh and say, "Yes".

 

I've never understood why this is offensive or inappropriate. I've been told that before and only have two.