WWYD? Friend wants to use some of 9 yo son's earnings for family expenses

[Halcyon]

WWYD? My friend asked for my opinion. Her friend has a bad back and cannot take her dogs on long walks. She asked if my friend's 9 yo would be interested in taking said dog for a 30-40 minute walk, 3-4 times a week. She would pay her son $25-30 a week.

 

My friend is not in great financial shape, and on some level, wants permission to use some of this money towards the family expenses. I feel it would be her son's earnings to do with as he wishes. She feels that it would be okay to ask him to contribute a portion of it towards the family expenses.

 

What do you think?

[Joanne]

No. I might expect contributions from a teen who has a part time job, particularly if that contribution goes to gas, insurance, towards clothes beyond budget, specialty toiletries, etc.

 

But a 9 year old? No.

[Joker]

Could she help him with the dog walking or just do it herself?

[Sevilla]

I think that he should give his mom a portion of his earnings - say 1/4-1/2 of them. He should get to keep some moeny for himself but contributing to family funds is a reality in a lower income family and not a negative thing IMO. It's very individualistic to say that a child's wages are theirs alone when they're benefitting from the family's income and home/resources.

[Haiku]

I think it's fine to ask for a small portion. Family members need to help one another out for the good of the family. If the nine year old doesn't understand this, he's being raised wrong, imo. I don't like the idea that children are decorative and aren't really essential to the family's well-being.

 

Tara

[Meriwether]

No way. What my parents did (not a lot of cash flowing when I was younger) was provide basic necessities. Mom could provide the kid with three/four outfits each season. If the kid wants something extra, he could buy it himself. My BIL started a lawn mowing business in high school. Dh's parents would steal some of his money while he was at school. Not cool. (Although I think high schoolers could contribute to the household if it was absolutely necessary. At 9, NO).

[PhotoGal]

No, I think age 9 is too young. Not that 9 year olds shouldn't help around their own home, etc, but being responsible for bringing in money to cover family expenses is too much for that age. I could see asking him to save a portion of it for his own college fund or something like that.

[FaithManor]

No. I might expect contributions from a teen who has a part time job, particularly if that contribution goes to gas, insurance, towards clothes beyond budget, specialty toiletries, etc.

 

But a 9 year old? No.

 

 

I agree with Joanne. It's okay as preparation for adulthood to ask an older teen with a regular job to contribute to things like car insurance and what not. It helps them get a taste of the financial responsibilities of being independent.

 

A nine year old is not old enough, mature enough, to understand this.

 

If the mom needs the money, she should consider doing the dog-walking job herself.

 

Faith

[Farrar]

Not for walking dogs. I think she might say something like, now that you're growing up and have a job, we expect you to pay for your own (fill in the blank) and take some small expense off their own plate, if that makes sense. If the job was enough money later on, it could even be a biggish expense like clothes or shoes - which friends of mine had to pay their own way with as teens. But generally I think it should be his.

 

If a child has a big professional job like acting, then that's different, I think, though optimally the money should still belong to the child, but I don't want to even touch the ins and outs of that.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

A 9 year old who earns money should not be required or responsible to help with finances. I can not even believe she would ask. I could see if she occasionally borrowed money from him but paid him back but beyond that I do not think its right. There are other ways/ government assistance for her if needed. She can get help with utilities and everything (not saying she doesn't and I believe there is a limit on how many times you can get help) Does she have family that can help? Any way for her to earn extra money?

[Create Your Ritual]

I can see both sides of this, but my guess is that most 9 year olds would do that sort of thing just for fun.. mine would for sure. It really depends on how financials are being handled by the family. How open they are with the kids about the situation, etc. I am wondering if there might be a compromise where the boy could put some of the money away for college, and maybe use some of the funds for items they need - sports uniforms, school related things (things that would come out of the family budget otherwise). Mine would give up that $$ in a heart beat if it meant they could take 'their' family out to a movie with it, or whatever. It certainly COULD be used as a learning tool, if approached the correct way. It could also be traumatic if it's not.

[Haiku]

but being responsible for bringing in money to cover family expenses is too much for that age.

 

I don't think anyone said the child is responsible for this. He was offered an opportunity. If the child is not old enough to understand the need to contribute financially to the family's well-being, the child is not old enough for the job.

 

Tara

[Halcyon]

Could she help him with the dog walking or just do it herself?

 

 

I think her friend doesn't know her financial shape, and is doing this more because she had mentioned her son is saving for an iPad.

[Halcyon]

No, I think age 9 is too young. Not that 9 year olds shouldn't help around their own home, etc, but being responsible for bringing in money to cover family expenses is too much for that age. I could see asking him to save a portion of it for his own college fund or something like that.

 

 

I agree with you, but just playing Devil's advocate here: he isn't responsible in any way for helping cover expenses, but since he will be earning money, is it his obligation, as part of the family, to help cover expenses? In many countries, kids younger than him help out the family. My own dad actually had a paper route at the age of 10 and gave the earnings to his mom.

[Mama Geek]

I think many years ago it was also popular in this country. I would think it reasonable if the family is really struggling that some of the money could go towards helping the family. Would the kid help the family if asked to do so?

[jennynd]

If there is a family crisis like Dad doesn't have a job...etc . Yes, I will explain the situation. It is the "FAMILY"

Now, if the Mom need the money to go to salon or buy her own clothes,,etc. NO..

[Haiku]

I think many years ago it was also popular in this country.

 

Yup. I immediately thought of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, in which Francie and Neeley, when they get jobs, give some of their money to their mother.

 

Tara

[momma aimee]

No. I might expect contributions from a teen who has a part time job, particularly if that contribution goes to gas, insurance, towards clothes beyond budget, specialty toiletries, etc.

 

But a 9 year old? No.

 

:iagree:

 

I'd insist he save at least 50% though, that is our rule -- 45% to save, 45% to spend and 10% to give

[cindergretta]

Tough call. One woman at my church raised 5 dc. Her dc are probably a little older than I am. (I am 38.) There are no big families in my church outside of mine, so she and I chat sometimes about the realities of raising more than 2 or 3 dc. And she has told me about the jobs her dc had (babysitting, dog walking, lawn care, paper route) and then the money was given over for family expenses. She always seems a little surprised that we don't take our dc's earned money, or even part of it. (Some of her adult children attend our church and wow, what a CLOSE - KNIT family!!)

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. In some families, it could be icky and controlling and mean. In others it could be strengthening and loving and a learning experience.

[Snickerdoodle]

I think it's fine to ask for a small portion. Family members need to help one another out for the good of the family. If the nine year old doesn't understand this, he's being raised wrong, imo. I don't like the idea that children are decorative and aren't really essential to the family's well-being.

 

Tara

 

:iagree:

[Joanne]

Originally Posted by TaraTheLiberator

I think it's fine to ask for a small portion. Family members need to help one another out for the good of the family. If the nine year old doesn't understand this, he's being raised wrong, imo. I don't like the idea that children are decorative and aren't really essential to the family's well-being.

 

Tara

 

So, is the lesson to teach the child a lesson or for family income?

[Julie in CA]

...to be in the extreme minority on this.

 

Maybe it's that we are a fairly traditional throwback to the past farm family, but we sink or swim together, and the kids know that. Children having spending money is a nice luxury, but if times are tight, all family members pitch in, to whatever extent they're able. Usually kids that age aren't really able to earn & contribute financially, but if they are, what a blessing that is! We're not talking about working a child to death here. :001_huh:

 

With that said, we've never needed to have our kids contribute financially to the upkeep of the family, though I know without a doubt that they wouldn't blink an eye if it were necessary for them to do so. They have offered in the past.

[Slipper]

I think it depends on how dire the circumstances are for the family. We were very poor growing up and at one point, moved in with my grandmother. There weren't enough bedrooms and I lived in the storage shed behind the house (I was 12 yrs old and thought it a blast although other family members were horrified). We had no money for clothes and very little for food. My Dad was unemployed although my mother worked. We had a paper route that all of us kids helped with and we received a portion of the funds. The majority went to help with family expenses. When my brother was old enough to get a 'real' job, he he gave half his check to our parents.

 

In bad situations, I think a portion is allowable to help the family. I realize that other people will disagree but having lived (and seen others) in bad situations, I think there's a valuable lesson to learn about helping out family.

[Angjune]

I would never ask my child to contribute to the household income; however, my father had to at a very young age. He had to distribute flyers and also had a paper route; all this money went to the family. Perhaps the woman knows that they are in financial need and this is her way of helping the family out.

 

I would never judge what another family deemed necessary for their well being. If the family was struggling to put food on the table, then maybe they could use a (portion) of that money for the family expense.

[OrganicAnn]

I think it depends on the situation with the family.

 

1) If it is a dire situation, where everyone chips in so that they have food. Yes.

 

2) If they are going to make a rule that *all* kids will give 5% or 10% of money earned outside the home to the family and they apply to equally to all kids. Also if the parents are responsible and use the money from the kids for the benefit of the kids, like extra vacations or paying for college extras then Yes.

 

3) If the parents don't like that the kid is making so much money and thinks they are entitled to some of it, then that doesn't seem like a good enough reason. Rather arbitrary. No

 

4) If the parents are not good with money and are always making poor choices, then No.

 

5) if there is pressure to earn put on the kids, then No.

[Mama2Many4]

I vote that he should contribute a small portion towards the family's needs. I think that we've forgotten that years ago 9 year old's were plowing fields and helping care for animals. Why do we limit the things that our kids can do to help out the family now? If we were hurting for money and doing everything we could, and my son or daughter could help contribute then they should.

[Haiku]

So, is the lesson to teach the child a lesson or for family income?

 

It's not a lesson. It's just the way I think things should be. Families should rely on one another and help one another, not to teach anyone anything but because everyone fares better when it's not every-man-for-himself.

 

I'm not saying the mom is obligated to take some of the son's money. But she shouldn't feel bad if she does, and the child shouldn't feel it's unfair. JMO.

 

Tara

[BamaTanya]

I think it depends on the situation with the family.

 

1) If it is a dire situation, where everyone chips in so that they have food. Yes.

 

2) If they are going to make a rule that *all* kids will give 5% or 10% of money earned outside the home to the family and they apply to equally to all kids. Also if the parents are responsible and use the money from the kids for the benefit of the kids, like extra vacations or paying for college extras then Yes.

 

3) If the parents don't like that the kid is making so much money and thinks they are entitled to some of it, then that doesn't seem like a good enough reason. Rather arbitrary. No

 

4) If the parents are not good with money and are always making poor choices, then No.

 

5) if there is pressure to earn put on the kids, then No.

 

:iagree: This seems wise to me. I have a couple of dc who are using their $$ to help with expenses that are above our family budget, and I think that's a valuable lesson for every child. However, we are not in dire circumstances. My dc are helping to pay for things that are beyond necessities. If we couldn't provide the necessities? I'm pretty sure that would change the rules.

[eternalknot]

I think it's fine to ask for a small portion. Family members need to help one another out for the good of the family. If the nine year old doesn't understand this, he's being raised wrong, imo. I don't like the idea that children are decorative and aren't really essential to the family's well-being.

 

I agree. I also think some kids raised with this mindset would feel proud to be contributing in this way.

 

She always seems a little surprised that we don't take our dc's earned money, or even part of it. (Some of her adult children attend our church and wow, what a CLOSE - KNIT family!!)

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. In some families, it could be icky and controlling and mean. In others it could be strengthening and loving and a learning experience.

 

:iagree: - especially with the last sentence. Dynamics matter so much!

 

The quote above describes my family, both then and now. I don't remember my parents "taking" our money, nor do I remember any one discussion where it was decided. It was just always sort of assumed, just like some families assume high school -or college- as givens. By nine I was working in the family business, not collecting a paycheck but still benefitting from the family's collective efforts. It didn't bother me then, it doesn't bother me now.

[Mynyel]

I voted other.

 

If it was my son, I would make sure he isn't spending it on junk (like candy, soda, chips and the like... ok maybe once or twice for a treat but you get my meaning).

 

I would let him spend it on things he sometimes asks for but we couldn't afford.

 

For instance, when I was 17 (I know, I know 17 is much older, but just using it as a comparison) and had my own job my parents never asked me to help with any expenses. Instead I bought my own shampoo, conditioner, razors, feminine products, make-up, hair products and so on. I knew it helped them and I got to buy the kind of stuff I wanted.

 

Maybe he can do the same, if he wants a different kind of X product then he can purchase it himself and it gets him what he wants and helps the family at the same time.

 

Just a thought.

[Audrey]

Absolutely not. I simply cannot fathom the mindset that would justify taking a 9-year-old's earnings.

[Halcyon]

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. In some families, it could be icky and controlling and mean. In others it could be strengthening and loving and a learning experience.

 

 

I think in this family it would be done in a loving and strengthening way (assuming that's the route she goes). Her son is mature (which is why he is being offered this opportunity) and unselfish, and I think he would be proud to contribute to his family's needs. She wouldn't be using this for luxuries, I know that. She'd be using the money for food, clothes etc.

 

That said, she is still undecided.

[Halcyon]

Absolutely not. I simply cannot fathom the mindset that would justify taking a 9-year-old's earnings.

 

 

But she wouldn't be "taking" anything from her son. If this was done in a loving way, couldn't it be perceived as "we're all working together here"? Couldn't she discuss this with him?

[Scarlett]

I voted other.

 

If it was my son, I would make sure he isn't spending it on junk (like candy, soda, chips and the like... ok maybe once or twice for a treat but you get my meaning).

 

I would let him spend it on things he sometimes asks for but we couldn't afford.

 

For instance, when I was 17 (I know, I know 17 is much older, but just using it as a comparison) and had my own job my parents never asked me to help with any expenses. Instead I bought my own shampoo, conditioner, razors, feminine products, make-up, hair products and so on. I knew it helped them and I got to buy the kind of stuff I wanted.

 

Maybe he can do the same, if he wants a different kind of X product then he can purchase it himself and it gets him what he wants and helps the family at the same time.

 

Just a thought.

 

This is pretty much where I fall in the discussion.

 

I think it is icky to take money from a 9 year old....but not knowing all the circumstances who can say? My ds11 has some money in savings...I would have to be pretty desperate to use that money....but I certainly would not let us starve just to keep from using 'his' money.

 

I do think it is fine to let a kid spend his money on his 'extra' expenses. It is what I was doing from about age 13 on.

[jelbe5]

I don't ask my dd who is 16 to give me a portion of her baby-sitting $, but now that she has some earnings I expect her to pay for "goodies" she may want (books, music, etc.). I did ask her to contribute a bit to the overall production fee for a play she is in. However, once she is 18 her dad and I will sit down with her to figure out what she will contribute to the household each month.

[Julie in CA]

But she wouldn't be "taking" anything from her son. If this was done in a loving way, couldn't it be perceived as "we're all working together here"? Couldn't she discuss this with him?

In my opinion, I think it would actually be beneficial for her ds. Being selfless is something that doesn't just happen to adults, it's something that's taught and modeled over time.

 

I think it's a rather modern idea that children shouldn't be taught to contribute whenever and however they are able. It's the product of a prosperous and somewhat entitled society that doesn't necessarily still exist for a lot of people in today's economy.

[Halcyon]

In my opinion, I think it would actually be beneficial for her ds. Being selfless is something that doesn't just happen to adults, it's something that's taught and modeled over time.

 

I think it's a rather modern idea that children shouldn't be taught to contribute whenever and however they are able. It's the product of a prosperous and somewhat entitled society that doesn't necessarily still exist for a lot of people in today's economy.

 

 

Interesting. I feel like I'm on the fence now with how to advise her!!

[myfunnybunch]

I voted other. I would not expect him to contribute to family expenses.

 

I would probably ask him to contribute to some of his own expenses, however. Not the basics (food, clothing) but if he's involved in any activities like Scouts or sports, I might help him set aside a part of the money each week to contribute toward equipment or fees. A 9 y.o. can appreciate the value of helping pay for his own activities or toys or extras.

 

The only exception (for me) would be if they are genuinely having a hard time with the basics: Putting food on the table, for example, or a pair of needed shoes. If things are that tough, everyone pitches in.

 

Cat

[Momma2Many66]

I vote yes, all my children pitch in to help out if need be.

 

It is character building and it makes them feel important. My children all have great self esteem and a great sense of "purpose" in life. They are also extremely close in strong family bonds. I want all my children to grow up understanding that "we are a team" and we all work to keep the team going strong.

 

We don't make a lot of money and I have six children, so when one of us gets an opportunity to make a little money, we all benefit from it.

 

My oldest son (now 28) had a paper route when he was 11 and he gave home half of his money to help out with groceries and bills. At 15 he got a job as a dishwasher in a seafood restaurant and continued to give half his pay home until he moved out on his own.

 

My daughter (now 23) did the same when she was 12 and babysat for neighbors or relatives.

 

My now 13 year old son does surveys for money and he helps out too.

 

Sam Levinson wrote a book called "Everything But Money" and he talks a lot in it about how he grew up in a large family of 11 kids who all helped out with money to keep the family strong. They all grew up to be very successful in life and he relates it all to his very close bond with his parents and siblings.

 

My mother was raised in an "old italian" family and they always were expected to work and help out as soon as they were able to have any type of job. She worked at 10 years old carrying bags in her uncle's grocery store and gave half her check home each week. My father quit school at 14 to help out his family of 10 children when his father took ill and died. My father later grew up to become a very successful businessman and relates his early experiences in life with working and helping to care for his family as one of the reasons that "pushed him to the top of the ladder". Teamwork and family responsibility have been ingrained in all of us from an early age.

 

My children are taught that there is no "entitlement program" here and that everyone helps out when and how they can. It has built very strong family ties between us all and we do everything together as a team. One for all and all for one and all that good stuff ! :001_smile:

[goldberry]

My husband's parents did this when he was growing up and he greatly resented it. They took part of whatever income he had from a very early age "to contribute to family expenses".

 

He said he would have felt differently if they had just expected him to use it to buy some things for himself (like, ok, you buy your own clothes now, or pay for your own entertainment, whatever) but it just disappearing "toward the family" was harder to understand.

 

BTW, my husband is one of the most unselfish, un-materialistic people I know. Something about they way they handled it just didn't sit right with him.

[HRAAB]

I vote yes, all my children pitch in to help out if need be.

 

It is character building and it makes them feel important. My children all have great self esteem and a great sense of "purpose" in life. They are also extremely close in strong family bonds. I want all my children to grow up understanding that "we are a team" and we all work to keep the team going strong.

 

We don't make a lot of money and I have six children, so when one of us gets an opportunity to make a little money, we all benefit from it.

 

My oldest son (now 28) had a paper route when he was 11 and he gave home half of his money to help out with groceries and bills. At 15 he got a job as a dishwasher in a seafood restaurant and continued to give half his pay home until he moved out on his own.

 

My daughter (now 23) did the same when she was 12 and babysat for neighbors or relatives.

 

My now 13 year old son does surveys for money and he helps out too.

 

Sam Levinson wrote a book called "Everything But Money" and he talks a lot in it about how he grew up in a large family of 11 kids who all helped out with money to keep the family strong. They all grew up to be very successful in life and he relates it all to his very close bond with his parents and siblings.

 

My mother was raised in an "old italian" family and they always were expected to work and help out as soon as they were able to have any type of job. She worked at 10 years old carrying bags in her uncle's grocery store and gave half her check home each week. My father quit school at 14 to help out his family of 10 children when his father took ill and died. My father later grew up to become a very successful businessman and relates his early experiences in life with working and helping to care for his family as one of the reasons that "pushed him to the top of the ladder". Teamwork and family responsibility have been ingrained in all of us from an early age.

 

My children are taught that there is no "entitlement program" here and that everyone helps out when and how they can. It has built very strong family ties between us all and we do everything together as a team. One for all and all for one and all that good stuff ! :001_smile:

 

I like this. I would never take money nor demand it, but it has always been this in my family, too. Neither of my grown children feel they were treated unfairly and are actually quite proud of the few times they helped the entire family. I think there can a be good way and a bad way to approach this. If done in the spirit of the family, I don't see why anyone would be resentful. It takes all of us, working together, to make it work.

[Paige]

I don't have a problem with asking him if he'd like to contribute. I think it would build a sense of pride and responsibility. I know my DS would feel horrible if he knew that we weren't able to pay some bills yet I wouldn't let him, or even ask him, to help. If she is genuinely so low on funds that she thought a little bit of his $25 a week would help, then how can we judge? There's a whole lot of worse things she could do to round up the money she needs than to ask her son to pitch in. I think it is perfectly reasonable and something the majority of the world's people throughout most of time have done and expected.

[Nakia]

I think it's fine to ask for a small portion. Family members need to help one another out for the good of the family. If the nine year old doesn't understand this, he's being raised wrong, imo. I don't like the idea that children are decorative and aren't really essential to the family's well-being.

 

Tara

 

I like your answer, Tara!

[SonshineLearner]

My mom had to give all her money up to her dad (and mom) and got the treat of an Icecream on Saturdays. She picked fruit and veggies in season, every year till she was 15. This is in Oregon, where school got out early, if the fields were ready... early. I think that it's fine to ask for some money to go towards family things. In our house, if my son was able to do this, I would have him put it towards his Martial Arts lessons and equipment, with no guilt. (or a portion, depending on our circumstance)

[chrissymama]

I think it is totally fine that the son give some percentage of the dog walking money to the family. I honestly don't see the problem with it at all. Sure, if the mother were making the son panhandle on the street corner, or go work in a factory all day, then that would be different. But, a 9yo earning $100/month for dog walking? I think he *should* give some percentage, half maybe, to the family.

 

Yes, I would talk to my son about it, rather than take it. Absolutely!

 

But, I don't see anything wrong with a child contributing to the family, especially when the family is struggling. I can't imagine allowing my 9yo to buy an Ipad, when I was worrying about how to feed and clothe him and his siblings.

 

In years past, 9yo children and younger spent many of their hours helping the family; cleaning, farming, helping take care of younger siblings, etc. I often think kids these days (my own included) are seen as too entitled to free time. Work isn't bad for kids, and being useful members of the family isn't either.

[SonshineLearner]

Oh, and actually... at 9, I would go with him. I wouldn't want my child responsible for the dog themselves... or for other animals that might come after the dog. Guess that comes from having my dog attacked...

[Haiku]

I often think kids these days (my own included) are seen as too entitled to free time. Work isn't bad for kids, and being useful members of the family isn't either.

 

Yup. My dd17 is guilty of this. She goes to school during the day and plays on the varsity soccer team in the afternoons. She comes home, has dinner, does chores, and does her homework. Then she goes to bed. She has recently been in a "poor me" routine where she tells me her life is "boring" and that she has no "free time." I asked her several times, "What do you do between 4 and 6 every day?" She said, "Go to soccer." I said, "That's your free time." Her: "No, it's not, I have to be at soccer." Me: "And who, exactly, forced you to play soccer? That's what you CHOSE to do with your free time."

 

She thinks, however, she should have hours a day to lie around doing nothing. Imo, someone who has hours to lie around doesn't have enough to do. I'm not saying kids should be overscheduled, but they should definitely be doing something significant to help out their families and attending to their other responsibilities (such as studying). I know everyone needs down time, but to me, more work is better than more veg time.

 

Tara

[LibraryLover]

How much can a 9 year old earn? How much are we talking? $5/week? $50? If it's $50, the parent should take on the job.

 

If the parents are in a situation where they need money from a 9 year old, perhaps they might be able to get food or fuel assistance etc.

[Haiku]

If the parents are in a situation where they need money from a 9 year old, perhaps they might be able to get food or fuel assistance etc.

 

Well, this is a situation where you're d*mned if you do and d*mned if you don't. If you take gov't assistance, you're a lazy lout who's sucking up other people's hard-earned money that you have no right to (according to some people). If you ask for a contribution from your money-earning child, you're apparently an awful person who's sucking up your child's hard-earned money that you have no right to (according to other people). I wonder if where people fall on the political spectrum has anything to do with how they feel about the child contributing the household? In the days before public assistance, families frequently alleviated (or attempted to) their money problems by sending their child out to work.

 

Tara

[Mergath]

Heh. I have to say, I find it somewhat ironic that so many people here would have no problem taking part of an individual's income to benefit the whole. Rather contrary to what I usually see here.