What do you like your kids' friends to call you?

[jak of in]

I actually prefer for my kids' friends to call me by my first name. That seems more natural and personal, like we have a relationship. However, I have a few friends that prefer Mrs. So-n-So. I've always felt that that sounds too formal and not personal, like you were addressing a stranger. One friend commented that she is not her kids' friends peers, so she doesn't want to be addressed that way. Plus, she views it as a sign of respect.

 

Now I feel kinda bad because I know my kids call this friend by her first name because I've never taught them differently. If they changed now, it would just sound weird.

 

Curious what other people prefer.

 

Btw: my kids are older...19 and 21...maybe that makes a difference?

[brightside]

The children I am close to call me Miss Kathy, the other children call me Mrs. X.

[FaithManor]

Mrs. X, accept dd's best friend who is more of a second daughter. She calls us mom and dad.

 

Faith

[jjins]

I prefer to be called Miss Jeannette. The co-op insists that all women are addressed as Mrs. "last name". I do not like this, it is not how I have spent 12 years teaching. Many of these students have known me through their parents for a while and already know me a Mrs. Jeannette. I do not see a reason to be more formal with them. Even with 28 students in one class I have been Miss Jeannette... no respect issues.

[linguistmama]

I don't mind being called by my first name by my friend's children. If someone else wants to be addressed as Mrs. X then I would help my children to remember that.

[Jen in PA]

Jen or Jenny, unless their parents have a rule about not using only an adult's first name. I think that has happened exactly once, and that child called me Miss Jenny. I do teach my kids to call other adults Mr./Mrs. X unless instructed otherwise.

[WishboneDawn]

Dawn. Most of my daughter's friend know me through Pathfinders (I'm the leader) anyway and most leaders use first names.

[NanceXToo]

I don't mind my kid's friends using my first name. If they are more comfortable or their parents told them to use a Mrs. (initial or last name), that's fine, too.

 

My husband does not like kid's friends to use his first name, he thinks it's more respectful to use Mr. (initial or last name).

[Parrothead]

I prefer Mrs. Lastname. I"m not friends with my dd's friends.

[laughing lioness]

Mrs. Last name (when we live in the north)

Miss First name (when we live in the south)

Your Majesty (always appropriate)

[JennyD]

I don't really care. Where we lived previously the norm was first names, which struck me as a little odd at first (it had not been not the norm thirty years earlier, when I was growing up) but I got used to it quickly. Where I live now the norm seems to be Miss FirstName, which is just fine too. (That's what I have been instructing my own kids to do here.) As would be Mrs. LastName, but nobody seems to do that.

[SonshineLearner]

Interesting; this is something I've seen on here before :) We are discussing whether our co-op will be "Mrs/Ms Lastname" or "Mrs/Ms First Name" or "just first name" or... if every teacher chooses for themselves. I think it's confusing if it's a mix. I don't think even I could remember what to call people if half of them are last name, first name, and then Ms First name..... I'm curious how most co-ops choose. I'm in the NW but grew up in Texas... so there ya go :) BTW, I have gone by Mrs Last name... but some want to be Ms First Name.... and mine happens to sound like "Miscarry" if that's what I do... wonder why I don't like that??!!

[BakersDozen]

Mrs. B. No exceptions, doesn't matter how long I've known the kids. ;)

[twoforjoy]

I really don't care. As long as they are respectful and polite, they can call me whatever they want.

 

I usually just go by whatever the parent prefers with younger kids. So I'm Miss Lori to some of my friends' kids, Mrs. E to others, and just Lori to others. With older kids, I usually just introduce myself as Lori, and let them figure out what to call me. They usually end up either calling me Lori or Miss Lori.

 

Or, actually, the most popular among all ages seems to be "Thomas's mom" or just "Thomas mom." I think they generally don't remember my name. ;)

 

With my kids, I just have them call other adults whatever that adult has introduced themselves as (or, if I know what those adults have their kids call me, I have my kids use the same form). When in doubt, I go with Miss/Mr. First Name. I figure if they want to correct me or my kids, they can, but they probably won't be profoundly offended with that.

[momma aimee]

Miss Aimee or Momma Aimee

 

or my ALL TIME FAV "Theo's Momma"

 

but once the "kids" are out on their own -- ie the 2 in college (family freinds, children, children of my freinds) the both have started calling me Aimee.

[RahRah]

For scouts it's Miss/Mr. First Name - that is for any den leader within the pack.

 

For DS's friends, it's usually Mrs. Last Name (unless they're in his pack and over to play, then it's Miss. First Name).

 

In some ways it feels odd to hear that, but at the same time, I do think it's a good thing to maintain that I'm not their friend, I'm DS's mother.....to this day, at 45, I still call my friends' parents, that I've known since childhood, Mr. or Mrs. Last Name, even when they say to call them by the first name - making the change is just so difficult because they've always been Mr/Mrs Last Name. They're okay with it sticking, but it's funny because it's hard to change!

[Brenda in FL]

I prefer Mrs. Last name. But I am not strict about it. One little girl from church would call me Miss Brenda, and I didn't correct her. I introduce my kids to new adults that way. If the adult says please call me__________, then we will oblige.

 

I also prefer to be called Mrs. Last name by strangers. I cringe when a store clerk looks at my CC and calls me my first name. Weird - I know.

 

To the OP - I think age does make a difference. I wouldn't fret too much about it :001_smile:. It's equally hard to start calling someone by their first name that you grew up calling her by her last name. I was 30 years old and feeling a bit disrespectful not calling her Mrs. Lastname even though we were in an environment where everyone goes by their first name!

[livingnlearning]

Mrs. Lastname.

[momma aimee]

For scouts it's Miss/Mr. First Name - that is for any den leader within the pack.

 

For DS's friends, it's usually Mrs. Last Name (unless they're in his pack and over to play, then it's Miss. First Name).

 

In some ways it feels odd to hear that, but at the same time, I do think it's a good thing to maintain that I'm not their friend, I'm DS's mother.....to this day, at 45, I still call my friends' parents, that I've known since childhood, Mr. or Mrs. Last Name, even when they say to call them by the first name - making the change is just so difficult because they've always been Mr/Mrs Last Name. They're okay with it sticking, but it's funny because it's hard to change!

 

I do most of them, or my old school teachers -- some i have developed relationship vith on my ovn i call something differnt, but not many.

[Daisy]

I prefer Mrs. Lastname.

[Sasharowan]

My kids' friends call me either Miss First Name or just First Name depending on the parents. My kids usually refer to friends' parents as Miss or Mr First Name unless told otherwise. One dad goes by Mr. First letter of last name.

[joannqn]

I don't mind being called by my first name by my friend's children. If someone else wants to be addressed as Mrs. X then I would help my children to remember that.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I prefer my first name. I don't like formality in any situation really. I'm NOT a formal person. I have a friend that teaches her kids to use Miss JoAnn, and have that used by a couple of other people over the years. I really don't like that because I'm married; I am not a Miss anymore.

[mytwomonkeys]

I'm really comfortable with whatever they're taught. Most call me Miss First Name. I've had a few just call me by my first name only. Rarely, I'm called Mrs. Last name. I really don't mind any of the above though. My kids call adults Ms. or Mr. First Name. That is the most common way here, and at church this is the way all of the children address adults, including pastors. So, unless instructed otherwise, we use Ms. or Mr. First name for addressing adults.

[Annie]

I grew up in the north, and I called adults Mr/Mrs Last Name. Now, I live in VA and am called a variety of things. The most common is Miss Annie. I had never been called that before I moved south, and I think it's cute. :) Many of my friends have their children just call me Annie, and I'm perfectly happy with that (I tend to run with what I've seen referred to here as the "crunchy, LLL, AP crowd"). One friend refers to me as Auntie Annie (her daughter's only 18 months, so she doesn't say much herself yet :)).

[Jennay]

For scouts it's Miss/Mr. First Name - that is for any den leader within the pack.

 

For DS's friends, it's usually Mrs. Last Name (unless they're in his pack and over to play, then it's Miss. First Name).

 

In some ways it feels odd to hear that, but at the same time, I do think it's a good thing to maintain that I'm not their friend, I'm DS's mother.....to this day, at 45, I still call my friends' parents, that I've known since childhood, Mr. or Mrs. Last Name, even when they say to call them by the first name - making the change is just so difficult because they've always been Mr/Mrs Last Name. They're okay with it sticking, but it's funny because it's hard to change!

 

 

Funny, for us it is the opposite. Scouts is more formal - MrsLastName.

Almost all of my dc's other friends call me Miss Jen.

[Sushi's Mom]

I also prefer to be called Mrs. Last name by strangers. I cringe when a store clerk looks at my CC and calls me my first name. Weird - I know.

 

 

 

I don't like this either. Actually, I don't like it when they use my name at all. I don't want to be their friend, and I don't need everyone around me knowing my name. I like my privacy.

 

 

 

As for kids, when I was a child, we called all the adults by their first names; I'm not sure why. I did have one friend whose mother told me to use mrs. last name.

 

When my daughter was in preschool, they called the teachers Miss First Name. I used to sell Tupperware. A customer came to my house one day and I introduced the lady to my young daughter as Miss Mary. The lady got very upset and said that when she worked in a school, the teachers were all called Mrs. Last Name, while the aids were called Miss First Name. She felt demeaned by that and thought all of the adults should have been called the same. She felt that the distinction told the kids that some people were more important than others. I always think of that lady and her story when I hear Miss First Name.

 

Now, I have my daughter use Mrs. last name.

 

Our homeschool group requires the kids to use Mrs. Last Name.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I actually prefer for my kids' friends to call me by my first name. That seems more natural and personal, like we have a relationship. However, I have a few friends that prefer Mrs. So-n-So. I've always felt that that sounds too formal and not personal, like you were addressing a stranger. One friend commented that she is not her kids' friends peers, so she doesn't want to be addressed that way. Plus, she views it as a sign of respect.

 

Now I feel kinda bad because I know my kids call this friend by her first name because I've never taught them differently. If they changed now, it would just sound weird.

 

Curious what other people prefer.

 

Btw: my kids are older...19 and 21...maybe that makes a difference?

 

I prefer to be called Mrs. Last Name, because it then allows me to have the pleasure, when they are adults, of asking them to call me by my first name. I remember this being a big deal when I was allowed to address upperclassmen in college by their first names.

 

I generally refer to my friends as Mrs. Last Name when I am talking about them to my kids.

 

In the case of a 19 yo and a 21 yo, I would probably have moved to first names. But I think it is the privilege of the senior person to make that choice.

 

FWIW, in many countries, you are on formal last name terms (and using a formal pronoun) even with adult peers unless you have specifically gone to the familiar form.

[mykdsmomy]

I grew up being taught to call ALL adults Mr. or Mrs X. My mom thought it was rude to even use Ms first name.

 

Honestly, I have pondered this for a while. I guess I sort of like being called "Mrs. X or Ms. Judy" but at the same time...I think it's more of a perceived respect. And to that I would add, why do I deserve any more respect than the little one who is addressing me? Is it because I'm older and therefore more deserving of respect? Why?

 

I think I may start introducing myself to my kids friends as "Judy" and their parents can choose to change that if they want. I will still have my kids refer to other adults as they (the adults) prefer.....but it seems more of a cultural thing than anything else.

[sassenach]

Having lived a bunch of places, this is really a regional specific question.

 

For my younger kids' friends, they usually call me Miss Shannon. I'm also ok with just Shannon or Mrs.______.

 

My oldest's friends call me Shannon and I like it that way.

[obsidian]

Your Majesty (always appropriate)

:lol:

[Aggie]

For kids under 13, Mrs. Last Name.

 

Teens and older, it really doesn't matter.

 

Most of the teens I know are very respectful and I'd rather *they* be comfortable as they approach adulthood.

 

BTW, I'm over 50 and still call my friends' parents Mr/Mrs Last Name. None of them seem to mind.:001_smile:

[Stages]

Ms. Savannah. It doesn't bother me when the kids forget the Ms. My mom always wanted my friends to call her Ms. Christie, but very close friends/boyfriends called her Christie.

[Momof3littles]

I prefer first name.

 

I prefer my kids use Mrs./Ms./Mr. X until they are told otherwise by the adult. If the adult says, "It is fine to call me Firstname" then I'm fine with it. My kids have always managed to navigate this fine with a little coaching.

 

WHen I was in NC, Miss/Mr. Firstname was the norm (which I really dislike, personally).

[JennyD]

I grew up in the north, and I called adults Mr/Mrs Last Name. Now, I live in VA and am called a variety of things. The most common is Miss Annie. I had never been called that before I moved south, and I think it's cute. :)

 

I had also never heard it before moving to the South, and I agree that it's quite endearing. :001_smile:

[twoforjoy]

Honestly, I have pondered this for a while. I guess I sort of like being called "Mrs. X or Ms. Judy" but at the same time...I think it's more of a perceived respect. And to that I would add, why do I deserve any more respect than the little one who is addressing me? Is it because I'm older and therefore more deserving of respect? Why?

 

Personally, I think it's a mistake to frame this as an issue of respect, rather than as one of cultural convention and personal preference, which is what I think it really comes down to.

 

I don't think there's anything more inherently respectful about using one form of address over another. My take on it is that it's generally respectful to go by cultural conventions (which vary from area to area, from places where it's the norm to call adults by their first names to places where it's the norm to use "Mrs. Last Name") and that it's always respectful to refer to somebody in the way they prefer to be referred to. If somebody wants to be called by their first name, then it is just as disrespectful to have your child call them "Mrs. Last Name" as it is when a child calls an adult who prefers "Mrs. Last Name" by her first name.

 

I think people often want to turn the cultural conventions they grew up with or, less often, their own personal preferences into the benchmark for what's respectful, but I just don't think that's the case at all. There's nothing wrong with abiding by cultural conventions and certainly it is respectful to abide by somebody's personal preference, but I really don't think we can say that certain modes of address are just more respectful, period.

[Gailmegan]

I usually leave it up to the parents of the child. I know some are very serious about teaching their children to only say Mr or Mrs Last Name and some prefer the more casual Miss First Name. It doesn't matter to me. When my boys address a parent I err on the side of respect and have them call the person Mr or Mrs Last Name, unless that person introduces him/herself by first name.

[Sushi's Mom]

it's always respectful to refer to somebody in the way they prefer to be referred to. If somebody wants to be called by their first name, then it is just as disrespectful to have your child call them "Mrs. Last Name" as it is when a child calls an adult who prefers "Mrs. Last Name" by her first name.

 

Yes. I will introduce an adult to my daughter as Mr. or Mrs., but if they say to call them by their first name, then that is what I tell her to do. It actually makes her uncomfortable, though. She feels disrespectful to not sue the Mrs. or Mrs.

 

The thing I really don't like is when a friend's mother wanted me to call her 'mom'. Nope, not happening. I already have a mom and don't wish to call someone else mom.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I believe children should call adults Mr. or Mrs. X unless the adults specifically request something else. I would also prefer to be called Mrs. Warde by children, unless I am very close with their parents.

 

My one and only friend with children has her kids call me "Auntie A," and my children call her "Auntie D." She lets her daughter call all her other friends by their first name.

 

FYI I am 25, but I've always been a bit old fashioned :001_smile:

[happypamama]

Miss Sara is fine. I don't mind Mrs. Lastname, and one of my friends always refers to me as Mrs. Lastname to her children (two of whom are young teens; the other is elementary age). I'm fine with that; I don't mind if they're not that formal, but if their mom prefers it, that's fine with me too. I grew up calling most of my parents' friends Mr. or Mrs. Lastname, with a few people being Miss Firstname or Mr. Firstname. I found it very awkward to change from saying Mrs. Lastname to just Firstname when I became an adult. My mom's best friend has told me to call her by her first name, and it's so awkward for me to do that; I'm used to calling her Mrs. Lastname. I am a married adult parent, but she's still older and not quite my peer.

[JenniferB]

Mrs. "B." They say it very affectionately, "Mrs. Bee ___ ___ ___."

[BarbecueMom]

Haven't run into this yet, but I don't think I ever addressed a friend's parent by name, nor did I ever hear my parents addressed by a friend. It was always, "Hey, go ask your mom..." My brother's best friend calls my mom "momma", just like my brother, and my mom is perfectly fine with that. In 12 years, I've never even heard DH address my mom by name, and they call each other often!

 

I think it all sounds awkward and makes me anxious just thinking about it.

 

ETA: I forgot, we have run into this. My kids call OUR close friends by first name, and I doubt that will change as they get older.

Edited August 24, 2011 by BarbecueMom

[edelweiss]

I'm old school. I think that it sounds disrespectful for children to call adults by their first names. I prefer Mrs. (last name), but am okay with Miss (first name), especially when the children are young.

[Tap]

First name or Mrs xyz. I am from the South so Ma'am or Miss is fine too. I really don't care. A couple kids have nicknames for me as well. I have only heard nice ones so far. LOL

[amey311]

I prefer to be called by my first name. I REALLY dislike Miss/Mrs Amey. REALLY. If you're going to use a title, then pair it with my last name.

 

I also really dislike Aunt Firstname when used by non-family members. I went to a daycamp once and was supposed to use that to address the counselors. This annoyed me more than made me respect them strictly because of the title. All I could think was that this was stupid - these people were NOT related to me. That was a long week of daycamp.

[CourtneyMI]

This is so interesting. I always grew up with parents who preferred our friends to call them by their first names. So our friends always called my mom patti and my dad Brian or even mom and dad. I always called my friends parents by mr/s lastname. We haven't really run into this yet as our kids are still young but I would let then call me courtney or mrs. X depending on what the child felt more comfortable with.

 

As an aside, I cannot stand being called miss Courtney. It has always irritated me. I know a lot of kids do it and a lot of parents insist on it so I don't correct the kids but it grates on my nerves.

 

And I am with the crowd that feels awkward calling my parent's friends by their first name. There are friends that I have always been allowed to adress by their first name but others decided that when I married and had kids, I was one of their peers. It weirds me out.

[Amy loves Bud]

t it's always respectful to refer to somebody in the way they prefer to be referred to. If somebody wants to be called by their first name, then it is just as disrespectful to have your child call them "Mrs. Last Name" as it is when a child calls an adult who prefers "Mrs. Last Name" by her first name.

 

.

 

This is what it comes Down to for me. I generally ask an adult how they prefer my children address them.

 

I personally prefer Miss Amy. It drives me nuts when I request that and the parent declines and insists that their children call me Mrs. R. It is not showing me more respect to call me something I would prefer not to be called. Usually, with the vert stubborn ones, I say that they should then call me Dr. R.

 

I do teach my kids to use Mr. Mrs. Or some other title when that is the person's preference.

[justamouse]

Ugh, I hate this.

 

Mrs. P. But I hate it because that is my MILS name and am I that old that I need to be called that?

 

It's MY problem, not theirs. I actually don't mind being called by my first name, and I prefer it.

[Wabi Sabi]

I prefer to be called by my first name. My own children call me by my first name and I'm absolutely fine with it.

 

I have never, ever understood why anyone would want to be called Miss (first name) unless they actually are an unmarried female! If you're going to be formal enough to request to be called Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms why on earth would you (general you) use the improper title? It sounds so wrong to my ears!

[eewaggie99]

I insist my children call adults Miss (Ms.) "First Name" if the adult does not like Mrs. (Ms./Miss) "Last Name." If a child is in my house and asks something from me, I refer to myself as Ms. "First Name."

 

My reasons are two-fold. First, I grew up in the South and have an inherent dislike for referring to anyone informally unless invited to do so. A friend of mine always called her husband Jimmy and I could not say anything more diminutive than "Jim," his name he used at work.

 

Second, I spent a few years in New York City and after seeing multiple children call their nannies in strident tones by their first names, I swore my children would NEVER treat any adult with such disrespect. Putting a title on any adult's name immediately indicates to a child that this is not a peer or a friend. This is someone with authority.

[swimmermom3]

I am "Mrs. Lastname" to the under 18 crowd and "Lisa" to the over 18 crowd with permission. Although, with two dear friends, their kids always call me by my first name. It just happened. My kids or I clarify with an adult as to their preferred form of address.