Scarlett Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Oh and about the many weddings. Oh my. My brother is on his 4th. Only the 2nd did we attend. But the other 3 he kindly did at the courthouse. He did that for us, I know. He knew it would have been a tortorous decision for his close family....This 4th marriage....she is lovely and we have high hopes. I probably would have attended, but it is better that there was no real wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Well, sure. But is it really evil and hurtful to take a stand and not support a union you feel is somehow very wrong? In the end the reasons and the manner of boycott do matter....but just the fact of a boycott would not hurt me overmuch. Like my friend...I just laughed. I was 45....I had been through Hades in my previous marriage. I did not need her validation for my new marriage....and she refused to give it because I 'didn't know him long enough.' Hurtful? Yes. Absolutely. I would not be able to remain close with someone who took a stand against my marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Yes, if by boycott you mean not attend. No gossip or picketing involved, just chose not to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 no I have never had to. I hope I never have to. If I did, I would just not attend without any comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 My husband and I married within two months of meeting. We married just the two of us with a justice of the peace, so there was no chance to boycott, but I can't imagine that I'd be bothered now if someone had boycotted our wedding then. That was a decade ago. (And no doubt some people were freaking out and against the idea of two people who had known each other for such a short time getting married. We're just decisive. Marrying each other was the best decision either of us ever made.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 My husband and I married within two months of meeting. We married just the two of us with a justice of the peace, so there was no chance to boycott, but I can't imagine that I'd be bothered now if someone had boycotted our wedding then. That was a decade ago. (And no doubt some people were freaking out and against the idea of two people who had known each other for such a short time getting married. We're just decisive. Marrying each other was the best decision either of us ever made.) For dh and me too. We were married 11 weeks after meeting. We do have mutual friends and no one was really truly against it...just the one friend who said, 'you promised you would NOT get married to someone that fast!' I said, 'um, no I did not promise that.' LOL She expressed her disapproval....not of the union, but of the quickness. As I said, she is still my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 1. Some of the reasons you listed are none of my business (haven't known ea other long enough). 2. For the most part, I feel like boycotting the wedding is counter-productive in the rest of the scenarios listed. I had a friend who was engaged to a guy who was awful, & I'd never met him. I only knew because she ONLY talked about how she was going to change him once they were married. She started complaining about how everyone was advising her to leave him, & it made her hang on longer than I think she would have otherwise. When she finally left (before the wedding, thank goodness!), she told me I was the only one she could talk to because everyone else would be too smug. I think a wedding is generally not a place to make a stand. Unless, of course, you're the bride/groom. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Is it family? If so, I have never and wouldn't ever. If it's not family, I don't know that I'd boycott it but if I had any excuse or reason to not attend ... I'd use it, rather than to go out of my way to attend. I imagine each of us has one thing or another that someone or another could use as ammunition to skip a wedding. To me, though, attendance at the wedding is more a show of support of a loved one than it is a nod of approval for the event. When I married my husband, I wouldn't have invited friends and family to a wedding as a show of their approval. If I was seeking that, I'd have solicited advice and options before committing. Instead, I think I'd be inviting friends and family to support me and share a special event signifying the choice I had made. (But I eloped with no friends or family present LOL). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueinNC Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I voted yes. And it was a family wedding. Edited August 17, 2011 by Caledonia Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emcap Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I have boycotted and had mine boycotted. Not for any of the reasons mentioned, though;). It was both family and friends (not many, just a couple of each, and we expected it). Guess what? we all still get along, understand each other's position, believe each other to be wrong, and move on with life. The funny part is that we didn't realize that my now BIL and SIL boycotted until a couple years later looking at pics and they weren't there. Like I said, we expected it, just thought it was funny we didn't notice his missing BROTHER. He has 4 others though, so I guess it's understandable. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 We were invited my dd's riding instructor's wedding, which was outdoors. Since Catholics are supposed to get married in a church, and she was a very impressionable age, I decided not to attend. I didn't want her spending her life thinking that this was the most romantic way to get married ever - she rode up on a horse and they rode off together on a horse. Catholics can't have their weddings outdoors?? Seriously? I've never heard that before… and awww… I think that IS crazy romantic! :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorCalMom Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Never done it, but we were boycotted. Some family members were mad at MIL and made a point of not coming even though "they had nothing against us". Very sad, but the rift has never completely healed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaJo Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 No I wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I am surprised at the number of you who would end a relationship with someone who boycotted your wedding. I figure everyone has the right to their opinions and beliefs. If they feel that strongly about it how could I fault them for doing what they felt was right? I would think that anyone who boycotted my wedding would think so little of me, they'd be happy the relationship had ended. If I "can't" go to something as important as your wedding, how could I do such a small thing as cross the street to say "hi', or sit down to meal with you? If you didn't attend my wedding because I'm an adulterer, I could not see you without thinking, "well, of all the things I've done in my life, this person focuses on my genitalia as my defining characteristic", and I'm not sure how you could have dinner/chat on the phone with me without thinking the scarlet A, either. (no reference to your name :)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Nah. I wouldn't show up just b/c I was invited though. I have to actually know ppl and have a relationship w/them to want to participate. otoh, I was banned from my SIL's wedding. I'm white. She felt it would cause problems w/extended family...but wanted Wolf to attend and give her away. Yeah, that went over well. NOT. Thankfully, the wedding didn't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 OK, I'll fess up to my shallowness. Keep in mind that I was 23 yrs old. I did sorta boycott one of my (I thought) best friends wedding because I was not invited to be in it. It really hurt my feelings though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 No, but I have wrangled my way out of being in a wedding party. And this was one of the huge problems for me in the situation I described when I did not attend and backed out of the bridal party. At first I just tried to not be in the bridal party. The wedding was going to be fairly soon after having dd, we lived two states away, etc. The bride would not let me out. Then I said I wouldn't be able to attend at all because of distance, but she just kept pressing me - I really think she knew this wasn't the reason though it was certainly legitimate. So, instead of lying to her, I finally tried to have some very gentle conversations with her about the situation. Of course, that didn't go over well. But, the absolute worst thing about her begging and pleading that I be her matron of honor was that this weird group/religion -I don't know exactly what one would call it - was that their quasi clergyman required the two attendants who would sign the marriage license to state that we didn't have objections. I couldn't do that. This man showed every strong evidence that he would hurt her and hurt her badly. Eventually, it did end the relationship. The horrible thing was that EVERYBODY but her saw it coming. She barely escaped with her life and I mean barely...he beat her with the end of a gun so badly that when her parents were called to the hospital, they didn't recognize her. I know that I come across as holier than thou to a lot of people who think it's conceited to make a judgment about another person's relationship. But, I had to be able to live with myself and I refused to be a willing party in something so awful. Her parents went along with it because that is what she wanted. They lived to regret it. I was never at the hospital because of the distance, but her dad did call me, completely heartbroken and said he'd never forgive himself for being complicite in the marriage. I doubt that his boycotting the wedding would have stopped it. She was pretty determined; unfortunately, he had to live with the outcome and thankfully she could go home to mom and dad when it was all over. If she hadn't backed me into a corner, I probably would have quietly attended, wished them the best, and went on my way. She pushed the issue to a head. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splinter Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I boycotted a cousin's wedding last summer on the basis that she had boycotted my brother's. My parents and sisters did as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Catholics can't have their weddings outdoors?? Seriously? I've never heard that before… and awww… I think that IS crazy romantic! :001_wub: I've never heard of that before either. I really don't get it. I agree...that IS crazy romantic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubamama Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Dh and I boycotted/didn't attend a friend of ours...he was cheating on his wife (my bf). He expected us to "get over that". :confused: Oh, and she was living with us at the time since he kicked her out! Jerk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I would think that anyone who boycotted my wedding would think so little of me, they'd be happy the relationship had ended. If I "can't" go to something as important as your wedding, how could I do such a small thing as cross the street to say "hi', or sit down to meal with you? If you didn't attend my wedding because I'm an adulterer, I could not see you without thinking, "well, of all the things I've done in my life, this person focuses on my genitalia as my defining characteristic", and I'm not sure how you could have dinner/chat on the phone with me without thinking the scarlet A, either. (no reference to your name :)) I wouldn't boycott your wedding because you had committed adultery. I would boycott, or refuse to offer my support to a union born of adultery. But if you were close enough to me to care whether I attended your wedding or not, you would not.expect me to attend such q.wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I would not be able to remain close with someone who took a stand against my marriage. :iagree: He is my husband... if they take a stand against my husband they take a stand against ME. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 This is ironic. my former best friend boycotted mine. she and her mother were convinced I was being foolish because of our age difference. I've been happily married 29 years, and those who know us well are actually amazed at how well suited we are (most are unaware of the age difference). She married someone her mother approved of, and is divorced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 No, I don't think I would. I have never been invited to a wedding that gave me pause. My FIL boycotted ours because we also invited my MIL and her new husband. Sorry, don't make us pick. Grow up and act like an adult when your adult son is getting married. My brother's husband's dad refused to come to my brother's wedding because they are gay. That was cruel IMO. It has also permanently damaged their relationship, even though my BILs dad wants to be a part of their 2 toddler daughter's lives. I can't say I blame my brother and his husband for being reluctant to let him have much contact with their children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Catholics can't have their weddings outdoors?? Seriously? I've never heard that before… and awww… I think that IS crazy romantic! :001_wub: Well, for Catholics, marriage is a sacrament, and sacraments are properly supposed to be celebrated in church with your church family. I think that one can ask permission (of your bishop, maybe?) if one had a good reason for having the wedding somewhere other than the church building (but I can't think what that reason might be...possibly the bride/groom/parent of either in the hospital or something...), but if you just wanted the wedding outside because you think it's crazy romantic :D the answer would be most likely no. You could ride the horse to the church steps and then ride away after on a horse. The riding instructor's wedding was on her front porch, and it was very casual like he had come to call on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 If I don't feel that I can uphold the congregational vow to uphold and encourage the couple in their marriage (for whatever reason), I would not attend. It has only happened once; the couple completely understood and we are close friends still. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I am surprised at the number of you who would end a relationship with someone who boycotted your wedding. I figure everyone has the right to their opinions and beliefs. If they feel that strongly about it how could I fault them for doing what they felt was right? these same people who "express their opinions and beliefs by telling you they won't support your wedding do not suddenly stop telling you they think you married the wrong person after the wedding. they keep telling you you were wrong and expect your marriage to end in divorce. Edited August 17, 2011 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I wouldn't boycott your wedding because you had committed adultery. I would boycott, or refuse to offer my support to a union born of adultery. . Dunno. That seems rather "technical". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 No, but I'd give it serious thought if the reasons were as serious as the ones you listed. Except for #2--not enough time to get to know one another IMO. Perceptions would vary, so I'd rather not risk sitting in judgment on that one. But the other reasons? They are pretty weighty. I probably wouldn't boycott it in a belligerent way but quietly stay away because I couldn't in good conscience sanction the wedding. I would try to be very kind and quiet about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 No, I haven't but I might think about it in the case of abuse. The other issues listed I would not. I would also find it hard to continue a friendship with someone who boycotted my actual wedding. It's one of the most important decisions I will make and if someone feels it is so wrong they cannot attend I would find it hard to continue to be friendly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 You could ride the horse to the church steps and then ride away after on a horse. If you could see inside my imagination right about now… I have horses wearing vivid purple & gold sashes walking down the aisle inside a beautiful cathedral…. yeah i'm a little overtired. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxanne23 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) . Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Words to live by. I agree with those who say that boycotting a wedding is pretty much ending the relationship, forever. Even if the marriage turns out to be a disaster. I have to disagree...I expressed my concerns for a dear friend's wedding...she did choose to stop talking to me, everything i said was out of love for her...a marriage is a vow between God and the couple...if it is clear ...not just iffy, but clear it would be bad...I had to support the best decision for her. Ten years pass.. We reconnect and her first marriage lasted 6 months...she is now with exactly the person she should be with... A wonderful marriage. She said that the first marriage was a huge mistake and she understood why I had my issues...we are now friends and love each other the more for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I would not attend a wedding I had a serious objection to. All the reasons you listed would be serious objections to me. Weddings are a celebration-I wouldn't be able to celebrate. I think couples are entitled to be surrounded by those who support their relationship and who are genuinely happy for them at their weddings. I would have a private conversation with the abused party pointing out my objections to the union. If they go ahead with the wedding, I would explain that I could not attend in good conscience, but that I would still love them and would be there for them in the future. I would never mention my objection to the union again unless they brought it up. I would not have wanted anyone attending my wedding who thought it was a bad idea for my husband and I to marry. I would expect my friends and other loved ones to speak up if they had any objection at the time. I have never had to deal with this issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I would think that anyone who boycotted my wedding would think so little of me, they'd be happy the relationship had ended. If I "can't" go to something as important as your wedding, how could I do such a small thing as cross the street to say "hi', or sit down to meal with you? If you didn't attend my wedding because I'm an adulterer, I could not see you without thinking, "well, of all the things I've done in my life, this person focuses on my genitalia as my defining characteristic", and I'm not sure how you could have dinner/chat on the phone with me without thinking the scarlet A, either. (no reference to your name :)) If someone is an unrepentant adulterer, then I'm not going to go celebrate that individual's decision to marry his/her partner in crime against God's teachings (cf Mark 10:9 "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder"). We are all sinners, and I do believe in forgiving people their mistakes after they've repented. But throwing a very public party to celebrate the marriage of two adultery partners doesn't demonstrate repentance of the sin. If they truly felt remorse for what they did to end the previous marriage, they'd go off and quietly have a private ceremony somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I refused to attend the wedding of someone who's not bothered to speak with me for the past year. After finding out she'd invited MANY folks she'd not bother to speak with, I figured she was just wanting a gift, so I saved my $$ and time and stayed home. I will happily purchase a generous gift for a friend, but if you live in the same town as I and only acknowledge my presence when you think you may get something out of me, forget it. And, judging by the fact only 20 people attended a wedding that had over 100 invites sent out, I sense most other invitees felt the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I did not attend the wedding of a friend who was a mere 19 and married his Aunt who was 30 or 40 something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 My dh and I did not attend his father's wedding. My brother-in-law refused to attend also. My freshly-divorced FIL was marrying his adultery partner. They had a big wedding at some estate and his father was very upset that we refused to attend. Although the marriage lasted just over a year (due to her adultery and clearing out his bank accounts), his FIL still brings up the fact that his children didn't come to the wedding and refused to meet her.:glare: I can't think of any other circumstance where I would boycott a wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abreakfromlife Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I would not attend a wedding I had a serious objection to. All the reasons you listed would be serious objections to me. Weddings are a celebration-I wouldn't be able to celebrate. I think couples are entitled to be surrounded by those who support their relationship and who are genuinely happy for them at their weddings. I would have a private conversation with the abused party pointing out my objections to the union. If they go ahead with the wedding, I would explain that I could not attend in good conscience, but that I would still love them and would be there for them in the future. I would never mention my objection to the union again unless they brought it up. :iagree: I did this to my mom a couple of years ago. She was having her third wedding in about 3 years (with a broken engagement in there too!) She had serious issues that she refused to deal with, and was getting married in a hurry again and was just spiraling downward. She was having a huge wedding and wanted our kids to be in it and everything and I had to sit down and tell her that we couldn't support the wedding, didn't agree with her getting married, and told her my concerns, etc...and she had a fit that we weren't letting the kids be in the wedding, and we said that actually none of us would be there. If everyone in a person's life is just standing idly by, disagreeing with and worrying about their life decisions, but no one ever says anything, and everyone shows up to support them every single time, why would that person ever think they are doing something wrong or needed help? No one was saying anything to my mom, and everyone was going to the wedding to support her. Support her in what? ruining her life even more? We were the only people who were willing to tell her to slow down think about her life decisions. What's the point of 'speak now or forever hold your peace' if it really doesn't mean anything? If everyone just shows up to a wedding so they won't be cut out of someone's life? And really, if a bride or groom can't handle a friend/relative strongly disagreeing with their decision and making a stand on something, and have to cut them out of their life because of that decision, then the relationship really isn't that strong anyway. It seems kind of selfish to decide that your decisions should be automatically supported by everyone, no matter what. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 If someone is an unrepentant adulterer, then I'm not going to go celebrate that individual's decision to marry his/her partner in crime against God's teachings (cf Mark 10:9 "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder"). I thought about this, and decided there are three reasons you answer doesn't apply to me: 1) I don't think of weddings as celebrations, but ceremonies 2) I don't believe in the concept of sin 3) I'm not big on forgiveness. What I think or don't think about someone isn't that important, because I'm not that important. Life goes on. One of the things I love about this board is how the differing points of view sharpen my own. I'd never thought about this forgiveness thing until I came to a board where people DO talk about it. I know what it is to forgive, but I don't have a religious mandate to do so, and I don't have a person tendency to be UNforgiving. I just move on. I never knew people where so plagued by being unforgiving they had to "work" on it. "Veeeeeery interesting", as my mother used to say, with a thick Chinese accent. (And that Chinese comment is un-PC, I hope you'll forgive me for it.:)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Words to live by. I agree with those who say that boycotting a wedding is pretty much ending the relationship, forever. Even if the marriage turns out to be a disaster. I have to disagree...I expressed my concerns for a dear friend's wedding...she did choose to stop talking to me, everything i said was out of love for her...a marriage is a vow between God and the couple...if it is clear ...not just iffy, but clear it would be bad...I had to support the best decision for her. Ten years pass.. We reconnect and her first marriage lasted 6 months...she is now with exactly the person she should be with... A wonderful marriage. She said that the first marriage was a huge mistake and she understood why I had my issues...we are now friends and love each other the more for it. It is hard to watch a friend make decisions that will only lead them down a more difficult road. But was it worth losing contact with your friend for ten years? You could have been there as a supporter and encouraged her as she got her life back on track. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I thought about this, and decided there are three reasons you answer doesn't apply to me:1) I don't think of weddings as celebrations, but ceremonies 2) I don't believe in the concept of sin 3) I'm not big on forgiveness. What I think or don't think about someone isn't that important, because I'm not that important. Life goes on. One of the things I love about this board is how the differing points of view sharpen my own. I'd never thought about this forgiveness thing until I came to a board where people DO talk about it. I know what it is to forgive, but I don't have a religious mandate to do so, and I don't have a person tendency to be UNforgiving. I just move on. I never knew people where so plagued by being unforgiving they had to "work" on it. "Veeeeeery interesting", as my mother used to say, with a thick Chinese accent. (And that Chinese comment is un-PC, I hope you'll forgive me for it.:)) :iagree::iagree::iagree: I had no concept of forgiveness in the religious sense either, nor do I tend toward imposing my own personal values upon others' lives as long as what they are doing is not illegal. Like someone said earlier, I am not the boss of the world. Besides if I made a rash dumb decision, I truly hope my friends would stand by me. It would be ok if they told me what I was doing was stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 (edited) I voted other. I have not ever boycotted a wedding, but I would not go if the relationship began with adultery. ETA: There is another type of "wedding" I would not attend, but no need to start trouble. Edited August 18, 2011 by Jinnah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 (edited) No, but if it was a wedding marrying affair partners it wouldn't be a wedding I would attend. That would be way too painful and stir up all kinds of issues for us. You and me both. It does not take two to ruin a marriage. It takes two to make it work, but one can definitely destroy it. However, I wouldn't refuse to attend a wedding of a couple just because one or both were divorced. Even if one of them CAUSED their divorce. People make mistakes and life goes on. I would only refuse if they were adultery partners. :iagree: Edited August 18, 2011 by Hedgehog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 ETA: There is another type of "wedding" I would not attend, but no need to start trouble. ….then why mention it in the first place? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Catholics can't have their weddings outdoors?? Seriously? I've never heard that before… and awww… I think that IS crazy romantic! :001_wub: Catholics can get married anywhere as long as it's by a priest...it does not have to physically be within the confines of the walls of a church! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 (edited) Well, for Catholics, marriage is a sacrament, and sacraments are properly supposed to be celebrated in church with your church family. I think that one can ask permission (of your bishop, maybe?) if one had a good reason for having the wedding somewhere other than the church building (but I can't think what that reason might be...possibly the bride/groom/parent of either in the hospital or something...), but if you just wanted the wedding outside because you think it's crazy romantic :D the answer would be most likely no. You could ride the horse to the church steps and then ride away after on a horse. The riding instructor's wedding was on her front porch, and it was very casual like he had come to call on her. The priest can and does bring a sacramental box with him to wherever the ceremony is being held to set up a proper altar and perform the Mass. When permission from a Bishop is necessary is when a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic (baptized Christian). Edited August 18, 2011 by RahRah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Catholics can get married anywhere as long as it's by a priest...it does not have to physically be within the confines of the walls of a church! The priest can and does bring a sacramental box with him to wherever the ceremony is being held to set up a proper altar and perform the Mass. When permission from a Bishop is necessary is when a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic (baptized Christian). Not quite correct. It is possible for Catholics to get married "anywhere" but not standard, and dispensation IS required. The standard is to get married not only in a Catholic church, but in the home parish church. If the couple has different home parishes, either will do. The parish priest can give permission about this rule, but only in relation to marrying in a different Catholic church, NOT in relation to not marrying in a Catholic church at all. For example, dh and I got permission to travel back to my hometown to marry, rather than marrying in our brand new parish far from friends and family. Another reason would be if your home church is not large enough to accomodate your guests. To marry in a setting other than a Catholic church does still require permission from a bishop, and it is not easy to get. I know it does occur, but I have never been invited to a Catholic wedding that wasn't in a Catholic church. I'm sure the willingness to grant dispensations varies by region and bishop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Not quite correct. It is possible for Catholics to get married "anywhere" but not standard, and dispensation IS required. The standard is to get married not only in a Catholic church, but in the home parish church. If the couple has different home parishes, either will do. The parish priest can give permission about this rule, but only in relation to marrying in a different Catholic church, NOT in relation to not marrying in a Catholic church at all. For example, dh and I got permission to travel back to my hometown to marry, rather than marrying in our brand new parish far from friends and family. Another reason would be if your home church is not large enough to accomodate your guests. To marry in a setting other than a Catholic church does still require permission from a bishop, and it is not easy to get. I know it does occur, but I have never been invited to a Catholic wedding that wasn't in a Catholic church. I'm sure the willingness to grant dispensations varies by region and bishop. Can. 1118 §1. A marriage between Catholics or between a Catholic party and a non-Catholic baptized party is to be celebrated in a parish church. It can be celebrated in another church or oratory with the permission of the local ordinary or pastor. §2. The local ordinary can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place. §3. A marriage between a Catholic party and a non-baptized party can be celebrated in a church or in another suitable place. Source: Code of Cannon Law Special dispensation is not required from the Bishop. Ask how I know - our parish priest readily married us at the hotel we were having our reception - we did not need special permission from the Bishop! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Boycott no. But I have missed the weddings of family members (my sister and in the next couple months my cousin), both chose to marry in Mexico. I can't afford to go. I probably should have boycotted my own wedding :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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