Spent the day looking for an apt...

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Here are some solutions that I've seen utilized among my people (or done myself):

Immediate employment for a desperate DH

 

Day labor (this will probably be construction or factory work)

Three or four penny-ante jobs (Walmart, pizza delivery, part-time courier, paper route, telemarketing)

Over-the-road truck driving (get paid while getting trained)

Mom and kids can do paper routes if you have a car

 

With this type of working, you can get into a trailer (in a trailer park) very quickly. With some trailer parks you only need a pay stub and a regular job to rent. It won't be nice, but it will be your own roof over your head.

 

Longer-term employment solution

 

Apply for the following, even though you don't know whether it will be hours, days, weeks, or months until there is an opening.

 

Plumber apprentice

Electrician apprentice

Postal worker

UPS worker

Fed-Ex worker

Groundskeeper or maintenance

 

Really difficult options, made possible only by knowing that your children need supported by yourselves and other families are going through this, too. Options that were unthinkable just a few years ago, these come under the heading of "Survival."

 

Husband joins the National Guard. Pay and health care right off the bat.

 

Husband works one place, wife and kids stay somewhere else.

 

Kids go to public school, little ones go to daycare, Mom goes to work.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Tibbie Dunbar

[justamouse]

about your mom and the psychiatriast/therapist appt, are you going with her? I'd really feel sorry for you if you had to tell the dr. the ENTIRE truth about your mother in front of her. She will be HORRIFIC to deal with after that.

If you're not going with her, you really need to call the dr. ahead of time to tell him everything you're seeing/experiencing. NOBODY will really understand without your input, and mentally ill people regularly lie and don't get accurate diagnoses because of it. It sounds like this would be your mother. Clearly she's in denial.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I don't know what to say about your situation, only that it's so hard to even imagine. I hope and pray that this nightmare is over soon for you all.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

[BamaTanya]

but I am heartbroken over your situation. :grouphug: I am praying for you and your dh and all of your precious littles.

[Mrs Mungo]

Husband joins the National Guard. Pay and health care right off the bat.

 

You dh has a degree, right, Aubrey? And he was workin on his seminary degree? I know the military will help with a seminary degree (they help, they don't fully fund it) and in some cases you can get a stipend for living expenses while he finishes. It might be worth talking to a *chaplain recruiter* (NOT a regular recruiter!!!). There is a need for chaplains right now. A lot of them are being put an active duty for a year to serve the families while the unit's regular chaplain is deployed with the unit. That is true here. Because they are short chaplains (and don't have enough to go around), they are also bringing chaplains on Active Duty for a year to serve units that don't deploy as one big unit. That was the case with our unit in Hawaii.

 

It is something to consider, but again, you need to talk to a *chaplain recruiter* about your options.

[LidiyaDawn]

I'd be cautious with the ideas of shelters and/or "camping"… I don't know about there, but around here that would have CPS/other agencies involved pretty quick. [you wouldn't be considered as "camping" …you'd be a homeless family with at-risk children]

[RahRah]

Aubrey - when are you due?

[Rivka]

I'm thinking a homeless shelter. It would probably be horrible while you're there, but it would probably also bump you to the top of the list for getting help.

 

It really would. By legal and social service definitions, you're already homeless. Presenting yourselves that way will help you get services quicker.

 

There are shelters that are just for women and children which are much safer than general shelters. There are also long-term family shelters which have programs designed to help you get back on your feet and achieve independence.

 

Check out the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless:

2111 Champa Street

Denver, Colorado 80205

(303) 293-2217

http://www.coloradocoalition.org/

 

They have walk-in hours Tues-Thurs where you can go and get set up with a "family resources case manager." That's better than just showing up at a shelter - you'll be assigned to a person who knows all the shelters and resources in town, and who can call around and figure out what you qualify for and where you can go.

 

Please give them a try.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

I was thinking about something. You say your mom shifts moods, opinions, etc., flashes of anger that she seems to mentally alter later and just doesn't remember how unkind she was or even what opinion she gave. This would have to be done with care, but what if you record one of these episodes. NOT so that you can use it against her, but maybe if you do need to go with her to an appointment, you could have it to give an example of what goes on. She evidently just does not see that she does it. Mind you, this would need to be done with prayer and much care for its presentation, but it could be a good tool. The whole scenario could really, really backfire, I realize!!! It just sounds to me like she paints her own picture in her head of what reality is and meanwhile she has no idea what it actually IS!!

 

I want to add that I know this doesn't help THIS situation right now. I'm sorry. :( I am praying for you!! You and your family have been on my heart, and I am just praying God opens up a door or a window where there is not one right now. I think the idea of joining the military isn't a bad one at this point.

Edited August 16, 2011 by FiveOaksAcademy

[Laurie]

In another post, it sounded like your grandmother is nearby? Anyone else?

 

Maybe someone has already suggested this, but would it be possible for your mother to temporarily move in with a relative or friend since it sounds like she has been having a hard time adjusting to having children in the house? Tell her you'll make sure her room is off-limits to everyone.

 

I don't see a better option. You don't have the money to pay rent and your mother doesn't have the ability right now to cope with her own problems as well as yours. Would your mother be willing to stay with someone else for awhile? It would be easier to find a temporary place for her than for you and your family if she would be willing. What would appeal to her right now...a quieter place, getting some of her home repairs/projects completed, getting a bit of t.l.c./attention at a friend or relative's house?

[FaithManor]

You dh has a degree, right, Aubrey? And he was workin on his seminary degree? I know the military will help with a seminary degree (they help, they don't fully fund it) and in some cases you can get a stipend for living expenses while he finishes. It might be worth talking to a *chaplain recruiter* (NOT a regular recruiter!!!). There is a need for chaplains right now. A lot of them are being put an active duty for a year to serve the families while the unit's regular chaplain is deployed with the unit. That is true here. Because they are short chaplains (and don't have enough to go around), they are also bringing chaplains on Active Duty for a year to serve units that don't deploy as one big unit. That was the case with our unit in Hawaii.

 

It is something to consider, but again, you need to talk to a *chaplain recruiter* about your options.

 

Ding, ding, ding!!!!! This may be a winning idea if your dh is close to his degree. We know of a youth pastor/young associate pastor that couldn't get a job because so many churches in the midwest are cutting back on their staff due to low offerings. He had to leave his parsonage and needed a job ASAP. He decided to do this and LOVES IT! He says he has found his niche. If it is anything at all your hubby might consider, find a chaplain recruiter now! I cannnot emphasize enough how much this young man enjoys and feels blessed by his job. It provides well for his family and his sense of purpose is profound.

 

Faith

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug: Prayers. :grouphug:

[ereks mom]

:grouphug: Some day, you're going to be able to look back on all of this and laugh! And you'll say, "I'm glad that's over, but I learned so much in the process." And you and your dh will hug each other and actually be glad that you went through all of it because you did it together. As ER is so fond of saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

 

Praying that you do grow stronger through all of your trials,

ereks mom

[missiemick]

Dh suggested giving plasma. It's his go-to solution when things get tight. He'd make way over $100 a week.

[Wabi Sabi]

It really would. By legal and social service definitions, you're already homeless. Presenting yourselves that way will help you get services quicker.

 

There are shelters that are just for women and children which are much safer than general shelters. There are also long-term family shelters which have programs designed to help you get back on your feet and achieve independence.

 

Check out the Colorado Coalition for the Homeless:

2111 Champa Street

Denver, Colorado 80205

(303) 293-2217

http://www.coloradocoalition.org/

 

They have walk-in hours Tues-Thurs where you can go and get set up with a "family resources case manager." That's better than just showing up at a shelter - you'll be assigned to a person who knows all the shelters and resources in town, and who can call around and figure out what you qualify for and where you can go.

 

Please give them a try.

 

All of this. Yes, a shelter is absolutely better than your current situation. You ARE currently homeless. Yes, going to the shelter and speaking with a case manager may get various social service agencies involved as another poster warned but frankly, that might be for the best in this situation. There's no shame in taking help when you need it.

 

Good luck.

[Wabi Sabi]

Dh suggested giving plasma. It's his go-to solution when things get tight. He'd make way over $100 a week.

 

Yes, this too. I haven't done it since college, but if things got desperate enough I'd head right back and roll up my sleeve if needed.

[FaithManor]

Dh suggested giving plasma. It's his go-to solution when things get tight. He'd make way over $100 a week.

 

Her husband has severe asthma. So, unfortunately, that is off the table. Asthma patients should not donate as it does temporarily lower the immune system a little and since they already may struggle with low oxygen saturation, this will make that condition worse.

 

Faith

[Crafty Mathy Mom]

:grouphug: Praying God's blessings and peace for you and your family.

[OnTheBrink]

Aubrey, I have a friend in the CO Springs area who owns a real estate company. I've just messaged him, asking if he knew of any landlords who'd give you a break, or if he had any ideas or resources for your family. I'll let you know what he tells me.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Can you take out student loans? Or switch to an on-campus school so there might be the option of your dh being a TA or at least finding other on-campus work? DH went to grad school for 3.5 years until our third child was 1yo. This is what we did and we didn't get a lot of money but it was more than enough for us to live on.

[FaithManor]

Can you take out student loans? Or switch to an on-campus school so there might be the option of your dh being a TA or at least finding other on-campus work? DH went to grad school for 3.5 years until our third child was 1yo. This is what we did and we didn't get a lot of money but it was more than enough for us to live on.

 

 

That is a good idea and I'll throw out another one. When I was in college, one of the men's dorms had a couple with two children as the resident directors. They had a very nice apartment, three bedrooms (though two of the bedrooms were a little on the smaller size), nice kitchen, actual dining room and a very good sized living room plus big bath. They were the best people in the world and we loved them dearly. They were great housing directors. The pay was not great but it did come with the free housing and health insurance in addition to the stipend and free tuition for the couple.

 

Faith

[Pamela H in Texas]

I am pretty sure my hubby could see about getting yours a job, but then you are back here which was a problem. So that isn't such a great idea (I almost put "hot" LOL).

 

I don't see how you can NOT stay with your mom. Can you do the necessary things to make mom's house basically an extended stay place quickly? Do you have the funds? Maybe we could help if we needed?

 

Once you have an income, you can likely find a private landlord who will work with you both on the amount of space, deposits, etc.

 

Someone mentioned some work for a place jobs. We looked into these. Use crazedlist.com to search multiple CLs at a time. Use search parameters like "couple" "storage" "mobile home park" etc. A lot of storage places won't allow you because you have so many children. Most didn't like that we had two (at the time). But there are some people that do it.

 

There are whole websites for houseparents also. We looked into various ones of those also. Some friends of ours got a job at one and were set up on beautiful land with a huge house in another state. It took 3 weeks to get it and get there. Crazy fast. They had 10 kids (on top of their 3) which is a lot, but they loved it and it sounded wonderful (I guess that depends on your view...I can see how a houseful or so would be wonderful. Sometimes I wish we had more...and then there was this morning...hee hee).

 

How quickly could you leave your moms if you set up camp downstairs? It still seems that may be best until hubby gets a job that y'all can live off of.

Edited August 16, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Oakblossoms]

I am sorry about your mom. My life has been pretty similar for the last few years. It isn't easy. I do not believe I will ever look back and laugh at it.

 

I did tell my husband exactly how life was feeling. He has had a lot of growth since our last child was born. But, I was very close to kicking him out. I may have if our baby didn't end up a preemie with feeding issues that left me so sleep deprived that I could not do anything but pump and care for him.

 

You can pm me if you want.

 

I think you should stay with your mom.

Foodstamps...at least we eat well.

Tell her what you need in little steps.

Put a lock on the inside of your door. Do you have an outside entrance?

Bathroom first.

Only use the main floor when she is gone.

Make a make shift kitchen downstairs and don't tell anyone about it in case of housing rules. You could probably get stuff for free. Our craigslist always has nice kitchens for free because someone is remodeling.

[Garga]

Her husband has severe asthma. So, unfortunately, that is off the table. Asthma patients should not donate as it does temporarily lower the immune system a little and since they already may struggle with low oxygen saturation, this will make that condition worse.

 

Faith

 

Can Aubrey donate the plasma and not her DH? After the baby is born?

 

Aubrey: your plan sounds good. Doors on the bathroom/bedroom, keep to your own space.

 

I'd also record the conversations. Keep a small recorder in your pocket and click on the "record" button when a conversation gets weird. Don't keep it to give to your mom. Keep it to listen for Yourself. You keep saying that you're second guessing yourself. If you record it and listen to it later, then you'll know whether it was her or you.

 

Pre-cook all the food you'll need when mom isn't home and then stay downstairs when she is home.

 

Endure until the doctor appointment (and beyond, as it will probably take a long time to fully stabilize whatever is going on.). Call ahead to any professional that needs to know the situation.

 

Are you employable? Would it make sense for you to work while DH quits and stays home and homeschools until he has his degree? (Oh, wait. I forgot that you're pregnant. Nevermind.)

 

 

Keep exploring options of help in the meanwhile.

[Mommy22alyns]

Wow, I can't believe all the awful stuff you're having to deal with - and you're PREGNANT too!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[SquirrellyMama]

Can Aubrey donate the plasma and not her DH? After the baby is born?

 

 

 

She could if she isn't bf'ing. There is probably a wait time after the baby is born also. Plasma money around here is $60 a week which isn't so bad for 3 hours of your time but maybe not enough in their situation especially if there is a need for childcare.

 

Kelly

[Mrs Mungo]

Here is a link about the Army's Chaplain Candidate program:

http://www.goarmy.com/chaplain/candidate-program.html

 

You do not need to wait until ordination to join the Army Chaplaincy. You can train to become an Army Chaplain at the same time you are training for the ministry. The training and experience you will receive as a Chaplain Candidate will be a rich adjunct to your ministerial education and training. All Chaplain Candidates are commissioned officers assigned to the Army Reserve in the Staff Specialists Branch. Should you decide to become an Army Chaplain, by participating in the Chaplain Candidate Program (CCP), you will have a head start on entering the Army as a Chaplain, as well as enjoying the many benefits and privileges associated with being an Army officer.

 

 

Requirements:

 

 

 

• Obtain an ecclesiastical approval from your denomination or faith group.
  
• Educationally, you must:
  
  • Possess a baccalaureate degree of not less than 120 semester hours (College seniors can apply before completion of their undergraduate program).
    
  • Be a full-time graduate student at an accredited seminary or theological school.
    

   

  [*]Be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident.

  [*]Be able to receive a favorable National Agency Security Clearance.

  [*]Pass a physical exam at one of our Military Entrance Processing Stations (MEPS).

  [*]Must be at least 18 years of age and not older than 40 years of age at time of appointment.

   

 

 

While attending seminary, Chaplain Candidates may apply for tuition assistance through the U.S. Army Reserve. You may be eligible for up to 100% of the tuition costs, up to $250 per credit hour with a maximum cap of $4500 per year. This program requires service of at least four years in a U.S. Army Reserve unit once you become a qualified Chaplain.

[Aubrey]

Can your ILs help you out -- lend the money, so you could pay a few months of rent up front and hopefully bypass the credit/income requirements, or co-sign a rental application or something?

 

:grouphug: -- praying for a solution for your family soon. This certainly is a fire you're walking through right now!

 

Yes, but I don't want to ask them to until I know that that wouldn't lead to a worse, more expensive disaster. If dh had a job that would pay the bills but we couldn't qualify for rent, asking them to cosign, for ex, would be fine.

[Forget-Me-Not]

:grouphug: and prayers. I think the Army Chaplain plan sounds like an EXCELLENT idea.

[Aubrey]

Our area is constantly looking for someone in these positions. The pay may not be great, but at least he isn't waiting for nothing. Heck, Waffle House is open 24 hours... Most grocery stores and Walmart are regularly looking for night time stockers. I know he has all kinds of reasons for staying this job, and that things are miserable. Looking in, I see him as depressed and unwilling to consider anything else.

 

No--he applied for all of those types of things (& better) back in DFW. NOTHING. Here, we've only been in town for a week, & he's spent almost every spare moment renovating, catching up on classes, & working. He HAS applied for jobs, but he hasn't had time to do a LOT. And he's been applying for better ones because until Fri, he thought he had at least a get-us-by job.

 

BTDT with my dh. I finally told him that if he didn't show me concrete evidence that he was trying to find a better job despite it all, I would leave him until he did or until I found a job. I am not for divorce, but there is a time to put those boots on and get going. I know he wants to finish school and is very close to doing that. However, allowing his wife and kids to go thru hell is not an appropriate option either. He can enterprise - get a lawn mover and knock on doors, or beyond.

 

He started school BECAUSE he couldn't find anything. He can't mow--asthma--but he has really tried pretty much everything else. Before the breathing made moving an emergency, we were already planning to move here as soon as possible *because* he couldn't find anything there.

[Aubrey]

about your mom and the psychiatriast/therapist appt, are you going with her? I'd really feel sorry for you if you had to tell the dr. the ENTIRE truth about your mother in front of her. She will be HORRIFIC to deal with after that.

 

No, but she does want me to go to family counseling w/ her later. I just said, "Hmmm..." because, yeah--I agree w/ you.

 

If you're not going with her, you really need to call the dr. ahead of time to tell him everything you're seeing/experiencing. NOBODY will really understand without your input, and mentally ill people regularly lie and don't get accurate diagnoses because of it. It sounds like this would be your mother. Clearly she's in denial.

 

I don't know how to go about calling someone else's dr, but I'm definitely willing to do that if it would help.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I don't know what to say about your situation, only that it's so hard to even imagine. I hope and pray that this nightmare is over soon for you all.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[ChrissySC]

I would say come see me, but we have the worst unemployment. :(

 

Praying!

 

Edit: PM me though. Let me know what hubby does.

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

lots of good ideas....

 

on a good day, it might be worth it to sit down with your mom in a public place and establish ground rules. they may be different than what she has said at various times.

 

throughout this, she has made some good suggestions that you have said "no" to, for good reasons.... but it may be time for some "yes"s from you. why not say "yes" to her having the basement and you having a room near a working bathroom? or to her staying elsewhere?

 

and then, maybe "hyper focus" for a week. dh does nothing but apply for 10 jobs a day. very important for him to just apply, whether or not he thinks it likely. from a faith perspective, its our job to ask, its someone else's job to answer.

 

you hyper focus on housing. spend the mornings getting on lists. spend the afternoons fixing up your mom's house.

 

its not ideal. but it is way better than a homeless shelter. i am more than a bit startled at how many folks have suggested that. at your mom's, you are completely safe 12 hours of the day while she is at work, and physically safe during the 4 hours she is at home and awake. then there are the 8 hours when everyone is sleeping, and with a lock on the door, you're safe then, too. emotionally, its lousy. but a shelter is lousy just about every way, all the time. and many homeless shelters make you leave all day. i'm guessing that many folks just haven't been in one.... which is a blessing.

 

and while being together is ideal, having a job whilst one has a baby is also pretty good..... it may be that short term living with one mother or the other while your dh job hunts is what it will take... even if that means not having him with you some of the time. i understand the air thing as we live an hour from dh's work so that he can breathe at least some of the time, so it may also be worth looking at air quality in specific regions around where his mom is. there may be a little niche that is manageable which will give you "breathing room" to find a longer term solution.

 

there are lots of options.... but finding a job needs to be "thing number 1", and managing where you at your mom's or going to his parents' place in texas is "thing number 2" until you know where number 1 puts you. looking at a thousand other options will just make it seem as if you have none, kwim?

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Aubrey]

In another post, it sounded like your grandmother is nearby? Anyone else?

 

My grm owns a house about 5 hrs away from here & one in TX. Mom couldn't make it to work from there, & she feels more strongly about her mother's issues than I do about mine. :lol:

 

Maybe someone has already suggested this, but would it be possible for your mother to temporarily move in with a relative or friend since it sounds like she has been having a hard time adjusting to having children in the house? Tell her you'll make sure her room is off-limits to everyone.

 

She offered to do this at one point; at another she offered to move downstairs & let us have the upper 2 floors. (Before we moved in) I turned both down because I was sure she'd resent it later & it just didn't seem right to me at all. Yeah, we'd be cramped in the downstairs, but that's the nature of our situation. I told her we were just grateful to have someone who loved us enough that it didn't FEEL so desperate to have to move. :glare:

 

I don't see a better option. You don't have the money to pay rent and your mother doesn't have the ability right now to cope with her own problems as well as yours. Would your mother be willing to stay with someone else for awhile? It would be easier to find a temporary place for her than for you and your family if she would be willing. What would appeal to her right now...a quieter place, getting some of her home repairs/projects completed, getting a bit of t.l.c./attention at a friend or relative's house?

 

She can't really live with ANYONE. She commented on this last night on the phone, although the context was that she could hold a job, pay bills, but couldn't LIVE w/ anyone. She went back & forth between trying to blame me & admitting she really needs to get to the psych.

[Aubrey]

Here is a link about the Army's Chaplain Candidate program:

http://www.goarmy.com/chaplain/candidate-program.html

 

 

 

 

Requirements:

 

 

 

• Obtain an ecclesiastical approval from your denomination or faith group.

• Educationally, you must:
  • Possess a baccalaureate degree of not less than 120 semester hours (College seniors can apply before completion of their undergraduate program).

  • Be a full-time graduate student at an accredited seminary or theological school.

   

   

  [*]Be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident.

  [*]Be able to receive a favorable National Agency Security Clearance.

  [*]Pass a physical exam at one of our Military Entrance Processing Stations (MEPS).

  [*]Must be at least 18 years of age and not older than 40 years of age at time of appointment.

   

 

 

While attending seminary, Chaplain Candidates may apply for tuition assistance through the U.S. Army Reserve. You may be eligible for up to 100% of the tuition costs, up to $250 per credit hour with a maximum cap of $4500 per year. This program requires service of at least four years in a U.S. Army Reserve unit once you become a qualified Chaplain.

 

My only concern w/ this is that he's not currently in seminary, & I seriously doubt he could pass a physical.

[Aubrey]

:grouphug:

 

lots of good ideas....

 

on a good day, it might be worth it to sit down with your mom in a public place and establish ground rules. they may be different than what she has said at various times.

 

Years ago, my youth pastor told me the same thing. He could NOT understand why that wouldn't work.

 

throughout this, she has made some good suggestions that you have said "no" to, for good reasons.... but it may be time for some "yes"s from you. why not say "yes" to her having the basement and you having a room near a working bathroom? or to her staying elsewhere?

 

Because she doesn't REALLY mean it when she offers, & trying to make it work would make her crazier.

 

and then, maybe "hyper focus" for a week. dh does nothing but apply for 10 jobs a day. very important for him to just apply, whether or not he thinks it likely. from a faith perspective, its our job to ask, its someone else's job to answer.

 

That's kind-of what we're doing this week. Maybe not 10/day, but fixing up the downstairs in the day, apply for jobs at the hotel at night.

 

you hyper focus on housing. spend the mornings getting on lists. spend the afternoons fixing up your mom's house.

 

Honestly, I've given up on the lists. We don't have the time or the gas for it. I don't mean to sound negative, but I really think that if you guys saw what I'd seen, you'd agree.

 

its not ideal. but it is way better than a homeless shelter. i am more than a bit startled at how many folks have suggested that. at your mom's, you are completely safe 12 hours of the day while she is at work, and physically safe during the 4 hours she is at home and awake. then there are the 8 hours when everyone is sleeping, and with a lock on the door, you're safe then, too. emotionally, its lousy. but a shelter is lousy just about every way, all the time. and many homeless shelters make you leave all day. i'm guessing that many folks just haven't been in one.... which is a blessing.

 

This is dh's analysis of a shelter.

 

and while being together is ideal, having a job whilst one has a baby is also pretty good..... it may be that short term living with one mother or the other while your dh job hunts is what it will take... even if that means not having him with you some of the time. i understand the air thing as we live an hour from dh's work so that he can breathe at least some of the time, so it may also be worth looking at air quality in specific regions around where his mom is. there may be a little niche that is manageable which will give you "breathing room" to find a longer term solution.

 

there are lots of options.... but finding a job needs to be "thing number 1", and managing where you at your mom's or going to his parents' place in texas is "thing number 2" until you know where number 1 puts you. looking at a thousand other options will just make it seem as if you have none, kwim?

 

:grouphug:

ann

 

I agree w/ the job thing, but WHILE he's looking, we do have to have a place to stay. We've got one car. I don't think he could look effectively w/out it, & I can't get back to TX w/out it.

 

It's not that we're unwilling to consider living apart--I just don't see what that would accomplish *at this point.* :001_smile:

[Lolly]

You dh has a degree, right, Aubrey? And he was workin on his seminary degree? I know the military will help with a seminary degree (they help, they don't fully fund it) and in some cases you can get a stipend for living expenses while he finishes. It might be worth talking to a *chaplain recruiter* (NOT a regular recruiter!!!). There is a need for chaplains right now. A lot of them are being put an active duty for a year to serve the families while the unit's regular chaplain is deployed with the unit. That is true here. Because they are short chaplains (and don't have enough to go around), they are also bringing chaplains on Active Duty for a year to serve units that don't deploy as one big unit. That was the case with our unit in Hawaii.

 

It is something to consider, but again, you need to talk to a *chaplain recruiter* about your options.

 

Mrs Mungo has an excellent idea.

 

For now, it sounds like your mom's is going to be your best option. Take the week and make the basement the best you can. Consider twin sized air mattresses for the kids. We have some that are a 4in1 type. They come two to a box and make it more economical. During the day, they can be deflated and tucked out of the way. Bunk beds would be excellent if you have the space and money. Then, you just make the most of what you have. Your family CAN live in a basement without really making use of the other two floors. You will need a mini fridge, microwave, hot plate, and a crockpot if possible. If you can use the upstairs kitchen, all the better! Focus on making the bathroom not visible from the street. (Who cares if family sees you. If you do, it can be gotten over with very quickly!) Clear out a path so that you can reach the bathroom second. Personally, I wouldn't be concerned about a door on my bedroom, but hey, if that is what is next on your list do it.

[CarenM]

I am all rather new here and really not sure what is going on but the job situation here in Midland, TX is strong. They are looking for help everywhere.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

 

lots of good ideas....

 

on a good day, it might be worth it to sit down with your mom in a public place and establish ground rules. they may be different than what she has said at various times.

 

throughout this, she has made some good suggestions that you have said "no" to, for good reasons.... but it may be time for some "yes"s from you. why not say "yes" to her having the basement and you having a room near a working bathroom? or to her staying elsewhere?

 

and then, maybe "hyper focus" for a week. dh does nothing but apply for 10 jobs a day. very important for him to just apply, whether or not he thinks it likely. from a faith perspective, its our job to ask, its someone else's job to answer.

 

you hyper focus on housing. spend the mornings getting on lists. spend the afternoons fixing up your mom's house.

 

its not ideal. but it is way better than a homeless shelter. i am more than a bit startled at how many folks have suggested that. at your mom's, you are completely safe 12 hours of the day while she is at work, and physically safe during the 4 hours she is at home and awake. then there are the 8 hours when everyone is sleeping, and with a lock on the door, you're safe then, too. emotionally, its lousy. but a shelter is lousy just about every way, all the time. and many homeless shelters make you leave all day. i'm guessing that many folks just haven't been in one.... which is a blessing.

 

and while being together is ideal, having a job whilst one has a baby is also pretty good..... it may be that short term living with one mother or the other while your dh job hunts is what it will take... even if that means not having him with you some of the time. i understand the air thing as we live an hour from dh's work so that he can breathe at least some of the time, so it may also be worth looking at air quality in specific regions around where his mom is. there may be a little niche that is manageable which will give you "breathing room" to find a longer term solution.

 

there are lots of options.... but finding a job needs to be "thing number 1", and managing where you at your mom's or going to his parents' place in texas is "thing number 2" until you know where number 1 puts you. looking at a thousand other options will just make it seem as if you have none, kwim?

 

:grouphug:

ann

I agree especially with the highlighted, and think your dh is spot on in his assessment as well. I have never stayed in a shelter, but am very familiar with shelters through volunteer efforts and also because of the inner city population with whom I have spent the last 14 years living. Granted, my experience is with the worst shelter situations (inner city) but I cannot imagine a suburban shelter being that much better than what I am familiar with.

 

That's not to downplay the hardships of your current situation. My heart bleeds for you Aubrey--it sounds truly just awful, and I am so very, very sorry that it is this way. I've been in prayer for you. :grouphug:

[Merry]

in the meantime, it seems like it might be best for you guys to stay put with your mom at least until the baby is born and you've recovered from that. I'm praying that your dh will find a good paying job soon; that will make such a big difference.

[Kathleen in VA]

My only concern w/ this is that he's not currently in seminary, & I seriously doubt he could pass a physical.

 

I'd still talk to a recruiter. They really do need chaplains and I have heard from military folk I know (I live near Quantico Marine Base) that they make exceptions to the physical requirements from time to time. Not sure how but they do. At least check into it.

[Hannah C.]

Do you have anyone who would be willing to cosign on the lease with you, or be a guarantor of some sort, in such a way that you would be able to get an apartment even without having the appropriate requirements on your own? The apartment complex would probably go after them if you couldn't pay your rent and didn't make arrangements, which is the con to being that helper.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: Your dh does not need to answer questions about marital status, number of children, etc. during job interviews - in fact, it's illegal for them to ask such questions.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Hannah C.

[ChrisB]

Has he tried a chaplain program with a hospital? We have a friend who made great money working as a lay chaplain. Maybe your DH's seminary experience would make this a wonderful job for him.

[annandatje]

What was his last job that paid a living wage?

 

Did he leave it on good terms?

 

If yes, has he checked with the former employee to see if they could use services again?

 

I'm not sure I understand how he is applying for jobs at night. Maybe it is doable with the technology changes of last couple of decades. If you are applying for low level jobs in retail, warehousing, food service, etc, isn't it expected that you will deliver application in person and hope for an on the spot interview?

 

The armed services chaplain idea seems like a good bet. I know you said he would not pass a physical, but his asthma already has improved since the move. It is just too good an idea to dismiss. He would be serving both his God and his country and may actually get a sense of fulfillment from chaplain work that is presumably missing from courier work.

[TraciWA]

Didn't your mom once say she would be willing to move into and apt. and rent the house to you?

[Samiam]

I'm not sure I understand how he is applying for jobs at night. Maybe it is doable with the technology changes of last couple of decades. If you are applying for low level jobs in retail, warehousing, food service, etc, isn't it expected that you will deliver application in person and hope for an on the spot interview?

 

 

 

Naah, that is kind of out-dated, at least in most decent size cities. All major companies have online applications these days, and many ONLY take online applications.

 

As a matter of fact, some companies have computer kiosks right in their stores for people to apply in case you don't have a computer at home.

 

To actually drive to a place, fill out a paper application, and expect to get an interview on the spot, is kind of a BIG expectation and most likely a waste of gas and time.

 

I would guesstimate that 90% of jobs are applied for online. So that part is definately not a waste of effort on her DH's part.

[JennifersLost]

I haven't read all the other posts, but I've been in some pretty crazy situations in my life and I second looking into campgrounds. I stayed at a KOA camground for awhile in between houses when I was dirt poor and had three kids. I actually ran my daycare out of the KOA for two weeks during that time!!!!

 

They have little cabins you can lock and have electricity and plugs, etc. We brought our TV and VCR and watched tons of movies, and so on. It wasn't bad.....

 

Also, once when I couldn't find anything affordable with 6 of us, I took a little time to get myself really calm, then called an apartment management place and very calmly told the woman who answered the phone my situation. She found a place for me that was absolutely perfect and was a total doll about the whole situation.

 

Miracles do happen!

[ColoNative]

Aubrey,

 

Would a handyman help with the basement? You may not have funds you want to use to pay for it right now, but I live in Col. Springs and have a friend in Denver I'm checking with to see if she knows someone who would be willing to donate part/all of his services. That would help you out with the basement at your mom's. Not sure if it's a good solution, but wanted to check with before spending too much time - if it isn't something you would want....

 

I wish I had more solution options for you, but wanted to throw this out to you....please pm me if interested. I tried to pm you but your box is full....

 

Melody

[swellmomma]

Aubery has dh looked at delivering newspapers? I ask because that is what I have done here to earn money. The hours suck (you pick up your papers usually between 2-3am to be done delivering by 7 am), in teh cold and rain it sucks but I have easily made $1000 per month doing it only working for those couple hours every morning. It is a 7 day a week job but again worth it to make enough money to get by.

[Aubrey]

{Who cares if family sees you. If you do, it can be gotten over with very quickly!)

 

Nope. Privacy when I pee is my #1 reason for not getting arrested.

 

Clear out a path so that you can reach the bathroom second. Personally, I wouldn't be concerned about a door on my bedroom, but hey, if that is what is next on your list do it.

 

The door to my bedroom is for the sake of the kids--the W/D are in our bathroom, which is in our bedroom, so if mom needs to go down there to do laundry on a bad day, I want them to have a place to go & close the door if nec.

 

Not next on the list, since it would have to be framed out, but possibly higher than it would have been.

[Puma Mom]

Last night, when we found ourselves accidentally on Dam Road & enjoying saying it too much & kind-of slap-happy, I suggested this to dh. He said I wouldn't like it, but logically: I'm about to have a baby, & this is CO. I hear it snows & stuff. I'm thinking it's probably not practical.

 

I think the best bet is camping while the basement gets made livable. You need something now and something kind of long-term. They don't have to be the same thing.

 

Camping: Tent in a campground, cooking over a fire. Borrow a camper. Rent a cabin long-term (a month?).

 

Finishing basement: Talk to the local churches to see if they would be able to help with the construction. (Where are you in CO? Might someone here know someone at a church that could help?)