At what age did your night time battles end?

[plain jane]

I'm wondering what bed time life looks like in other homes and how far off we are over here in the Plain household. :tongue_smilie:

 

So, give it to me straight... At wage age do your night time battles end (for the most part). I mean, by what age could you tell your child to get ready for bed and expect them to go to their bedroom with minimal fuss? - Not necessarily without help or bed time story or anything like that, but without throwing a fit or crying, or hurling themselves to the ground screaming that they don't want to go to bed :glare: or coming back out every 2 minutes to say they're thirsty or afraid of the dark, or....

 

Are night time issues a parenting/discipline thing? Child personality? Gender? Ugh. And when do they end?? :willy_nilly:

 

Poll to come. Please be honest, it's anonymous, and you can vote for more than one age since a lot of us here have more than one child. :)

Edited July 27, 2011 by plain jane

[Sputterduck]

I was always very strict while at the same time watching my child's cues for readiness for certain things pertaining to bed time. I had great success. Until right around 24 months we co-slept and went to bed at the same time. At that time, I felt, based on knowing my child, that he would transition easily to his crib right then and I was right. Before it would have been a huge crying screamfest.

 

After that, we had a few stages where bedtime could have gotten out of hand, but I was aware that they were risky times and I clamped down with serious boundaries immediately and the boundary pushing stopped.

 

Basically, I've never tolerated it getting out of hand. It could have. It threatened to. But bedtime is sacred to me and my time after he is in bed is what keeps me sane. Once sometihing gets out of hand, it's very hard to fix.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Sputterduck

[Colleen]

I mean, by what age could you tell your child to get ready for bed and expect them to go to their bedroom with minimal fuss? - Not necessarily without help or bed time story or anything like that, but without throwing a fit or crying, or hurling themselves to the ground screaming that they don't want to go to bed :glare: or coming back out every 2 minutes to say they're thirsty or afraid of the dark, or....

You asked for honesty, so....my guys never put up a bedtime fuss. It's always been a very matter of fact process. We have full days that typically include a lot of time outside, and we don't enforce a particular bedtime. We eat dinner far later than most people, after which we spend time reading (sometimes watching a movie first). When it's time to head to bed, they head to bed. Always have. We had one period, when our oldest was 3 or so and had just one little/baby brother, that was a bit more challenging. He (oldest) didn't want to stay in his bed. Sometimes he ended up sleeping at the top of the stairs, and ultimately, for several months (or more?!), he actually slept on his closet floor, with the closet doors closed. Weird, I know! But it wasn't a battle. I've never experienced a child throwing a fit and hurling himself on the floor. That may be a product of who my children are, but I do believe it's also largely a product of who I am as a parent.

 

Anyway. That doesn't help you much, I know. Sorry! And best to you.

[sparrow]

I was always very strict while at the same time watching my child's cues for readiness for certain things pertaining to bed time. I had great success. Until right around 24 months we co-slept and went to bed at the same time. At that time, I felt, based on knowing my child, that he would transition easily to his crib right then and I was right. Before it would have been a huge crying screamfest.

 

After that, we had a few stages where bedtime could have gotten out of hand, but I was aware that they were risky times and I clamped down with serious boundaries immediately and the boundary pushing stopped.

 

Basically, I've never tolerated it getting out of hand. It could have. It threatened to. But bedtime to sacred to me and my time after he is in bed is what keeps me sane. Once sometihing gets out of hand, it's very hard to fix.

 

 

:iagree: Especially with the bolded. I nearly voted 'never', but I couldn't due to the last word: 'Ever'. Both of our children tried, VERY briefly, to start stirring things up before, or after, they were in bed before they were 2 years. It simply was not tolerated, as Sputterduck said. My husband and I guarded *our* time (night) FIERCELY!

Edited July 27, 2011 by sparrow

[LauraGB]

 

Are night time issues a parenting/discipline thing? Yes. Child personality? Yes. Gender? No. Ugh. And when do they end?? No idea. :willy_nilly:

 

 

My answer is above. My 12yo ds is behind me, in my bed, supposedly reading a book. It's almost 11pm. Apparently he "can't" read in his room - it's just not as comfortable. :glare:

 

There was never really any crying or screaming at our house, even though we always enforced a "bedtime". We are way too passive aggressive for that sort of thing. Currently, at 12 years old, it's lights out by 10pm, but it is almost not worth it because they are. just. not. tired. by then, even if I am.

Edited July 27, 2011 by LauraGB

[HS Mom in NC]

Co-sleeping families almost never have these issues, so there is a parenting style component to it, but co-sleeping children sleep in their own rooms or with their same gender siblings at an older age than families that remote sleep, so it's hard for everyone to answer this poll.

[redsquirrel]

I am an intense, poor sleeper. I know you will be shocked, but both my kids are intense and poor sleepers. Hey, it gave me patience. it's not like I didn't see it coming.

 

DH and I decided we would just do what we needed to do to help them sleep that didn't conflict with our deeply held AP parenting beliefs. Because we were 'in it together' I never felt much conflict. And, because I don't sleep, I didn't feel sleepy, lol.

 

Some time between 4 and 5, both my boys each changed so much when it came to sleep. All issues just went away. Poof. Ok, there must have been some gradual transition, but I don't remember it. Prob sleep deprived, right?

 

Now, I say good night to both boys, tuck in the little one, and have a peaceful evening to myself. Every now and then the 6 year old has a bad dream and ends up in our bed, but I can live with that. DH commented that we ended up where we needed to be in an acceptable amount of time and he is so glad we didn't do anything we would later feel sad about. I figure we were going to need that time no matter what so I am glad we made it easy on all of us.

[LauraGB]

Once sometihing gets out of hand, it's very hard to fix.

 

:iagree: 'Tis true.

[JenneinCA]

Dd12 was fine once we got her out of the crib. Then she happily went to sleep without a problem. She was about 18 months old when we moved her to give the crib to her little brother.

 

Ds10 was fine as long as MOMMY put him to bed. Daddy was not acceptable until he was over two. Now it isn't a problem.

 

Ds7 wanted to be put in bed and left alone from the time he was itty bitty, like three weeks old. I wanted to rock the baby and hold him. He wanted nothing to do with that and just wanted to be left alone.

[plain jane]

Hmmmm.

 

Well, I was trying to be a bit humorous about throwing themselves on the floor bit. Mine don't do that (well not about bed time at least :glare:) but there IS crying.

 

They're 3 and 5 and I'd say on 4 out of 7 nights, one of them is crying at least for a few minutes. They obey, put on jammies, brush teeth, listen to their story in peace and then the waterworks start. They just cry like it's the saddest thing that's ever happened to them. :confused: It's bed time- it happens every night. They know it's coming. :confused:

 

If I let them sleep in my bed, there are no tears but then there's giggling and no sleep happening. :toetap05: Obviously, they do not sleep in our bed. ;)

 

Often, dh will sit with them while the fall asleep but in this hot weather sometimes they take up to 2 hours to fall asleep. We put them in at 8 like every other night and by 10, dh is the only one sleeping. :glare:

 

My problem is not getting them to listen and get in their beds- it's getting them to not cry about it all the time once they're in them. Ugh.

Edited July 27, 2011 by plain jane

[Cheryl in NM]

This school year we are imposing a 30 minute "get ready for bed" time. Ds spends between 15-30 minutes farting around at bedtime. "oh I forgot a drink, btw, what's that you're doing/watching/listening to? What's that dog doing? Oh I forgot to give the dog a kiss. I know I told you I love you and gave you 3 hugs already, but you say I never hug you or tell you I love you!" It's really infuriating! I love the hugs and love yous, but really, you were supposed to be in bed 30 minutes ago! So this year he will begin getting ready for bed 30 minutes before bed with an absolutely no exceptions lights out at bedtime.

 

We'll see how that goes!

[readinmom]

At birth...really! I married into a family that goes to sleep with the setting sun, but on the flip side, wakes up with the chickens.

 

Dh or I would simply say "time to go to sleep" and kids would snuggle down, instant sleep. Never a fight or fuss!

[chepyl]

There is not a good answer for me. My kids are 3 and almost 6. Every now and then we have problem, but it has never been consistent. They have always been good about going to bed for the most part. But....they are not perfect!

[Sputterduck]

Hmmmm.

 

Well, I was trying to be a bit humorous about throwing themselves on the floor bit. Mine don't do that (well not about bed time at least :glare:) but there IS crying.

 

They're 3 and 5 and I'd say on 4 out of 7 nights, one of them is crying at least for a few minutes. They obey, put on jammies, brush teeth, listen to their story in peace and then the waterworks start. They just cry like it's the saddest thing that's ever happened to them. :confused: It's bed time- it happens every night. They know it's coming. :confused:

 

If I let them sleep in my bed, there are no tears but then there's giggling and no sleep happening. :toetap05: Obviously, they do not sleep in our bed. ;)

 

Often, dh will sit with them while the fall asleep but in this hot weather sometimes they take up to 2 hours to fall asleep. We put them in at 8 like every other night and by 10, dh is the only one sleeping. :glare:

 

My problem is not getting them to listen and get in their beds- it's getting them to not cry about it all the time. Ugh.

 

I guess you can be thankful that they aren't like the children on Super Nanny. :001_smile:

 

We had a rule about crying for no reason. I would have enforced it if I was in your shoes. Crying is fine in my house... if you are hurt, if someone was mean to you, if someone died... Crying over bedtime is not.

 

I can't imagine sitting with a child for 2 hours waiting for them to go to sleep. Why? I go in, cuddle, my son prays, I say, "Sleep good. I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll come get you in the morning." and walk out. Why sit there?

[Alphabetika]

First two dd's, no problems, basically ever.

 

The littlest (2 yo on 8/1), lots of problems, basically always.

 

Personality? It seems that way, as we have basically the same style as we've had all along. It's odd. But I trust it will get better.

[Sasharowan]

Ds15 went to bed without a problem until he was 18mos. then fought unless one off us lay with him until he was about 3.5-4. Discovered that as long as he was "reading", he could stay up. This began a long love affair with books. Around 11-12, started having problems with reading under covers or turning the light back on after I went to sleep to read just a bit more. Now at 15, reads until I go to bed then goes to sleep too. As long as I get quiet out here, I'm fine with that. Dd has always gone to bed without a problem, except that as long as someone is around, she will try to talk to them. She is starting to try to stay up as late as big brother, but we won't let her. She has some growing to do. Ds10 has just reached the age where he can stay up after dark without his eyes closing on him. He has always been my early to bed, early to rise child. He needed someone near when he was little and even now prefers big bro to be reading in his bed come bedtime. Ds5 fights sleep with tooth and nail and the whole house rejoices when he finally gives in. It is worse since he turned 5 and we started moving him into his own bed.

[rocketgirl]

Our only big problems were with our first & we just needed to establish more of a routine & limits. After all the getting ready for bed, dinner, play, bath, etc we let her watch one episode of blue's clues, then put her to "sleep". I remember being very frustrated at the time but she got it, after a few nights...that we'd watch blue's clues then go to sleep. Then a year later when we didn't need blues clues anymore, she kept getting back up so we tried the magic words, "after we say these magic words, we won't say any more until the morning....(and the magic words were...) "good night". That seemed to work too when we needed something.

[Joanne]

At a young age, my dd went through a period where it was like she needed me to be stern to make her cry so she could "let go" and go to sleep. It was a short period of time, but it seemed to last forever.

 

I don't remember bedtime battles beyond that, really. We had some nights I just WANTED them to go to sleep, mostly because I was DONE. ;)

 

I never, ever, ever did the "drink of water", "hug", "bathroom" thing with them at bedtime, so that might have helped.

[ereks mom]

I voted "before age 2", but it was actually before age 1.

[plain jane]

I guess you can be thankful that they aren't like the children on Super Nanny. :001_smile:

 

We had a rule about crying for no reason. I would have enforced it if I was in your shoes. Crying is fine in my house... if you are hurt, if someone was mean to you, if someone died... Crying over bedtime is not.

 

I can't imagine sitting with a child for 2 hours waiting for them to go to sleep. Why? I go in, cuddle, my son prays, I say, "Sleep good. I love you. Sweet dreams. I'll come get you in the morning." and walk out. Why sit there?

 

What do you do if they're crying then? Honestly, I don't know how to stop the crying. I'm quite sure my 5yo is on the autistic or aspergers spectrum and the oddest things will set him "off". Truly, once he's in his bed and crying what do I do to stop it? He cries a cry that a child would have when a puppy dies or he just had his heart broken. I've never encountered this before and I don't know what to do.

 

My older two were going to bed on their own long before 5 and dh and I have not changed our parenting.

 

Even the 3yo is better and really only fusses when overtired, but because they share room, sometimes does feed off the 5yo's crying for no reason.

[Nestof3]

It was very matter-of-fact with Aaron at around 10. The younger boys are harder to get to bed, and I still have to quiet them down. I think it's far worse since they have each other and share a room. Things were easier dealing with just one.

 

There is not crying or anything going on, just difficulty settling down or feeding off each other. Life is very different having two boys so close in age.

Edited July 27, 2011 by nestof3

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Ds2 goes to bed in his toddler bed and stays there. Ds4 occasionally argues against going to bed, and sometimes dh has to pick him up, but between teeth-brushing and story-time he cheers up. I think it has more to do with your your child's personality and your parenting choices/reactions that make the difference. I haven't read more than the op, but have you considered changing bedtime and routine?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I voted that you should hate me. But while I had no trouble getting either of them to sleep, dd9 had terrible night terrors. About two hours after falling asleep, she would scream like she was being skewered every night for at least a year - sometimes multiple times during the night. So perhaps that will lesson your hate for me just a little bit;)

[plain jane]

I haven't read more than the op, but have you considered changing bedtime and routine?

 

I have, I just haven't figured out what to change it to. :001_huh: Some nights, I'm thinking a sleeping pill, secretly dissolved in their drink with dinner would be a nice addition to the routine. ;) Ok, on a more serious note, I'm not sure what it would take to make this child stop crying and just go to sleep. Or at least just be quiet.

[Sputterduck]

What do you do if they're crying then? Honestly, I don't know how to stop the crying. I'm quite sure my 5yo is on the autistic or aspergers spectrum and the oddest things will set him "off". Truly, once he's in his bed and crying what do I do to stop it? He cries a cry that a child would have when a puppy dies or he just had his heart broken. I've never encountered this before and I don't know what to do.

 

My older two were going to bed on their own long before 5 and dh and I have not changed our parenting.

 

Even the 3yo is better and really only fusses when overtired, but because they share room, sometimes does feed off the 5yo's crying for no reason.

 

Well if he is on the autism spectrum, things are different. That's a whole 'nother thing.

 

If it were my son, I would have started out with my *mommy is not pleased* look, look him straight in the eye and say, "It is not okay to cry over this." And then I would walk out.

 

If it were during the day that gratuitous crying were happening, it would result in a time out until my child had control of himself. But at bedtime and occurring every night? I would walk out and any attention would stop.

 

I know I am a strict parent, but honestly the strictness helps us have a better relationship. Bedtime is a cuddly, sweet time because he isn't fighting. We can both totally relax and have prayers and cuddles in happiness because he isn't busy pushing boundaries. It's the same throughout our days. I'm big on defining boundaries beyond question so we can be past that and have good times together.

Edited July 27, 2011 by Sputterduck

[plain jane]

So perhaps that will lesson your hate for me just a little bit;)

 

:lol::lol: Nah, no hate from me.

 

To be honest, compared to those I know IRL, my kids are really good sleepers because at least they listen and get in their beds without complaining.

 

2 of mine are great about bed time and always have been and 2 of mine are horrid about bed time and always have been. Maybe I'm losing my touch and have become a progressively worse parent. :confused:

 

ETA: I wasn't laughing about your child's night terrors.- just your last comment. I wanted to make that clear before I came off like a real jerk.

Edited July 27, 2011 by plain jane

[Sputterduck]

I voted that you should hate me. But while I had no trouble getting either of them to sleep, dd9 had terrible night terrors. About two hours after falling asleep, she would scream like she was being skewered every night for at least a year - sometimes multiple times during the night. So perhaps that will lesson your hate for me just a little bit;)

 

Those suck. Mine had them at times and I didn't know what to do because he would never become lucid at all. I couldn't wake him up and tell him it was okay. Oi.

[ChandlerMom]

I was always very strict while at the same time watching my child's cues for readiness for certain things pertaining to bed time. I had great success. Until right around 24 months we co-slept and went to bed at the same time. At that time, I felt, based on knowing my child, that he would transition easily to his crib right then and I was right. Before it would have been a huge crying screamfest.

 

After that, we had a few stages where bedtime could have gotten out of hand, but I was aware that they were risky times and I clamped down with serious boundaries immediately and the boundary pushing stopped.

 

Basically, I've never tolerated it getting out of hand. It could have. It threatened to. But bedtime is sacred to me and my time after he is in bed is what keeps me sane. Once sometihing gets out of hand, it's very hard to fix.

 

Same here -- IMO co-sleeping and AP really does make bedtime easy. Being tuned into their cues, knowing when they're ready to move to their own room, making bedtime matter-of-fact and not a struggle...

 

One difference: I'm strict on bedtime, but maybe "consistent" is the better word. We view bedtime and going to sleep as a skill to be taught rather than a discipline issue, so it's never been a source of conflict. Not to say we haven't had a few bad nights here or there, but they are rare and gone by the time they are 3 (I still need to stay in the room until my 2yo relaxes and starts drowsing). Generally it just takes an, "Ok, it's bedtime!" and they head off to get ready, then we tuck them in and are done for the night by 8:30.

 

It's worked with our 3 very different personalities (both genders), and 3 very different sleep styles. But maybe we're just lucky.

 

I would suggest looking at it from your child's perspective and see why they are upset. We teach our kids form an early age that sleep is great and takes away the yucky, grouchy, sleepy feeling so we're ready to play the next day. I've done relaxation practice with them imagining the dark as a warm cloak to snuggle in, breathing techniques, and we always sing the same songs last thing. When they were young and "needed" us to stay, we stayed until they fell asleep and soon enough they didn't need us anymore. :D

[LittleIzumi]

My 5-year-old still HATES going to bed usually. It scares her. But I also have sleep anxiety so I understand. My 3-year-old still doesn't sleep through the night (wakes up around 2am to use the bathroom) but she goes to bed easily.

[plain jane]

Same here -- IMO co-sleeping and AP really does make bedtime easy. Being tuned into their cues, knowing when they're ready to move to their own room, making bedtime matter-of-fact and not a struggle...

 

Ah, see that may be part of our problem. We're an AP co-sleeping family but only co-sleep until a new baby is born. Then the next in line must be in their own bed (it's a nicer transition that just bringing home baby and kicking older child out) and I think my problematic duo were not really ready to move out yet. For me it was a safety and space issue. I worried too much about a NB in a bed with a sibling and I need a bit of personal space every now and then. :tongue_smilie:

[LibraryLover]

OTHER

 

We were able to do night routines without crying at any age. (We have 4 kids)

 

Night can be tricky. I don't miss those days. It was so tiring!

 

But we never did the crying or screaming thing. (My dh is not American, and CIO is not anything he had been exposed to, and whenever folks mentioned it at the time, he was horrified.)

 

Dh and I tag-teamed, reading (or nursing , that would be moi, lol) to sleep. I don't regret giving them that time.

 

I know other people have different feelings about this, but if particulars are needed, I am happy to respond. I don;t think there is anything good to be gained by sending kids off to bed crying. We were able to avoid that and our kids have good memeories of snuggling with stories at night. We have two older teens and one young adult, so we have btdt.

Edited July 27, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Annie Laurie]

I have an 8 month old who is a terrible (co)sleeper, and so I've been reading tons of books on the topic and wanted to recommend one to you. It's really excellent, my favorite of all the ones I read, and I think it's gentle and respectful of the kids' needs as well as the adult's needs. It addresses sleep issues with older children more than babies.

 

It's called Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. (The Raising Your Spirited Child author).

[plain jane]

OTHER We did it without crying at any age. (We have 4 kids)

 

Night can be tricky. I don't miss those days. It was so tiring!

 

But we never did the crying or screaming thing. (My dh is not American, and CIO is not anything he had been exposed to.)

 

Dh and I tag-teamed, reading (or nursing , that would be moi, lol) to sleep. I don't regret giving them that time.

 

I know other people have different feelings about this, but if particulars are needed, I am happy to respond. I don;t think there is anything good to be gained by sending kids off to bed crying. We were able to avoid that and our kids have good memeories of snuggling with stories at night.

 

I don't send mine *off* to bed crying :(... he just starts up after he's lying there. :tongue_smilie: See, we do the snuggling/stories thing too but then once that is all done, the waterworks start. It's really frustrating. :(

[LibraryLover]

I don't send mine *off* to bed crying :(... he just starts up after he's lying there. :tongue_smilie: See, we do the snuggling/stories thing too but then once that is all done, the waterworks start. It's really frustrating. :(

 

 

Sorry. I guess I was not clear. We never had night -time 'battles'. Our kids did not have have sleep 'issues'. We were right there with those who were fretting/worried. We comforted them.

 

We stayed with our more emotional/needy kids until they were off to sleep. I know this doesn't work for most families, but it did work for ours. We took turns reading or snuggling these kids to sleep.

 

None of our children need us at night now. But it was something we were fine doing at the time. My husband was never comfortable with CIO. It's not something his family ever did. His own father would read them to sleep, or the kids would fall asleep in -arms or with sibs. Nobody was alone.

 

Not all folks snuggle -down with, or read children to sleep, but that is exactly what we did. Maybe it took 30 minutes? Maybe 60 on the worst nights? Is there something better we could have been doing?

Most parenting books and articles advise against meeting this need, and I got no creds (beyond 4 emotionally healthy children who sleep through the night and are not axe murderers) to tell that advice bites. ;) I am the one who didn't follow the rules. My kids are all fine sleepers and don't need us now. They haven't needed night company since they were 5? 6? Seems like a fine investment to me.

 

If there is a down side, I don't know it.

Edited July 27, 2011 by LibraryLover

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

My husband was never comfortable with CIO. It's not something his family ever did.

 

What is that, please?

 

 

We belong to the once-they're-in-bed-they-need-to-learn-to-self-sooth camp. I think I saw it called somewhere "sleep training" ?? Depending on the age of the child and how many kids are in the room, I would suggest this as an option, though I did see you co-slept with your children until the next one comes.

[Tarreymere]

Mine like to throw fits and scream and be hysterical, but not about bedtime. :001_smile:

 

With my six birth children I have always done AP, so it was never an issue. They co-slept, they gradually moved into their own beds in their own rooms and that was it. My youngest two are four and seven (others are 12, 15, 24, &25) and we don't have a set bedtime. We do have a set wake up time, which helps keep us on track in our day's schedule. DH and I like to watch a movie or something after dinner, then the tv goes off. DH and I are usually on the computer, the older kids might be on the computer, and the younger ones play or read. Usually between 8pm and 10 pm they either go to bed on their own or fall asleep in the living room and get carried to bed. We all wake up at 7 am with DH (who has to go to work) and have breakfast. They are pretty grumpy in the morning, I can tell you. I have my two grandkids living here ages three and ten months and they pretty much have fallen into the same schedule. The ten month old, however, I do not co-sleep with.

 

I think that the only advice I would offer is to get your kids up consistently at whatever time works for you, and then let them figure out themselves what time feels right to go to bed so they aren't too tired. Sounds like they are taking bedtime as some kind of control issue now, whether they are tired or not.

[Soror]

I don't recall ever having much issue and then nothing extreme and occasionally.

[Soror]

We DO NOT CIO EVER though! We co-sleep. Oldest coslept until 5, then moved him and the 2yo out at the same time. Youngest is still cosleeping will likely be moved in with older sister(4) sometime in a few months or so.

[Recovering Sociopath]

Co-sleeping families almost never have these issues, so there is a parenting style component to it, but co-sleeping children sleep in their own rooms or with their same gender siblings at an older age than families that remote sleep, so it's hard for everyone to answer this poll.

 

:iagree:

 

We coslept with our oldest two (yes, it was crowded!) until our DD was born last year. I was VERY concerned about them making the transition to bunk beds in their own room when she came along, but they went without batting an eye. I really do think keeping them with us for so long gave them a strong sense of security and taught them how to self-settle *by example.*

 

To this day we have had zero problems at bedtime.

 

Now, if I could only say the same for dinner time...

[Pamela H in Texas]

We really didn't have issues. Like others said, we were very tuned into their needs as well as guarding our time. I can only remember one nap time and one bedtime issue at all with my (now) teens. Obviously, anyone can have an off time.

 

But now....we have issues. And it's not discipline. My littles *want* to do right. They don't throw fits. They don't come out multiple times. They simply cannot shut their eyes and go to sleep. Until they work through some stuff and finally feel safe, I'm pretty sure we'll continue to have night time issues. The hard part for me is that I just really want my time in the evenings. It is *hard* to be ON from the wee hours of the morning til late at night. For example, my 5yr old was up at 10:30 and back up by 3:30 and again at 6:30 <sigh>.

 

In better news, the toddler and baby lie down (while awake) and go to sleep easily. The now 6month old has been sleeping through the night for over a month :)

Edited July 27, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[historically accurate]

I voted by 3rd birthday, but honestly I don't remember it being an issue much past 2 years. My oldest slept well from about 18 months on. My middle was a wonderful sleeper from day one (still loves to go to sleep at age 6). My youngest just DID NOT sleep for the first 2 years of her life. Looking back on it now, she was on medication for a kidney condition that messed with her sleep habits. Once she stopped taking the medicine she slept. We had some training to do from age 2 to 3, so I voted 3 years old.

 

We always had a strict routine, and the kids know at the end of the routine, you lay down and are quiet & go to sleep.

[Rhonda in TX]

My kids have always appreciated a good night's sleep. DS used to beg to go to bed when he was a toddler. DH and I would say, "Oh, I don't know. I think you need to stay up longer." We were mean. :) (And no, we didn't make him stay up. The teasing lasted less than a minute.)

 

I think it's a personality thing. Believe me, we did nothing to make our children into good sleepers.

[Chris in VA]

Didn't have battles, did a bedtime routine, didn't co-sleep.

 

Oldest is prob Aspie--so I can relate to your comment about your child maybe being on the spectrum.

 

First of all, an absolutely consistent routine is a comfort to a kid with Aspie tendencies. I don't know if yours is rigid that way, but mine needed a blankie, a song, a rocking moment, etc. By 5 I wasn't rocking anymore, but we still sang. We did prayers after, and then tuck ins. He slept in the top bunk with his brother (2yrs younger) on the bottom, much like your age span.

 

Also, we did a bath nearly every night, which helped them relax.

 

We also did naps, or quiet time, until the oldest was going into K. I rarely had a problem with the kids being overtired. When they started not being really tired at bedtime, we cut down the time they had to stay in their rooms in the afternoon.

 

My last point is this--and it's actually my main point--

You may need to just tolerate the crying. It could be his way of winding down. I know it sounds heartbreaking, but it could be that he has no other destressing tools at this point. He's actually releasing stress hormones thru his tears, so it could be a real, physical need, not a "I can't get my own way" thing or a "I'm incredibly scared" thing or a "Don't leave me because I can't bear to part with you" thing.

[Parrothead]

Now, we've never had battles - screaming, kicking, fit throwing - about getting ready for bed. We've never had them about getting into bed. We've never had them about going to sleep.

 

But dd is a very fearful child - she has a sensory processing disorder - and she sleeps in my bed half the time. There has never actually been fit throwing about this either. (I do not tolerate fits at. all. ever.)

 

I just keep reminding myself that there aren't many 15-16 year olds sleeping in mom's bed. Sooner or later it will be okay.

[BarbecueMom]

We coslept with our kids until 7 months. At that age, something clicked and they didn't want to sleep in our bed anymore. With both kids, that's when the milk started drying up and they both switched to formula by 9 months (first time due to pregnancy, second time I was completely exhausted and had no supply.

 

My oldest child is the intense, bright kid that just can't shut it off and go to bed. He goes to sleep on his own (eventually) without much fuss, but every night it's either crying in the middle of the night, random bloody murder screaming, or a 2 1/2 hour night terror. His night terrors don't happen 2 hours or so after falling asleep, more like anytime between 1:00 and 5:00 am (bedtime is 8:00), so we can't even start to predict them.

 

My youngest makes me put him in his bed about 7:30pm and I don't hear from him until 6:30 or so unless he's sick. It's wonderful!

[DawnM]

Depended on the kid. Child #2 never had any problems (I am not exaggerating, he is such a mild mannered kid), child #1 still has issues, he is 13 and has Asperger's~!

[TXMomof4]

Could you hand it over to your husband? My kids *know* the tears will get me. Even if I know they're playing me, the tears get me. Dh, on the other hand, is not gettable with tears. I think it's lets them off the hook, kwim? They don't have to go through the big scene, dad never falls for it, fine, I'll go to sleep. Does that make sense? It works in our family.

[Firefly]

Didn't have battles, did a bedtime routine, didn't co-sleep.

 

That's us (except we did co-sleep for the first month or so).Going to bed just wasn't ever an issue.

 

 

I voted that you should hate me. But while I had no trouble getting either of them to sleep, dd9 had terrible night terrors. About two hours after falling asleep, she would scream like she was being skewered every night for at least a year - sometimes multiple times during the night. So perhaps that will lesson your hate for me just a little bit;)

 

DD started having occasional night terrors when she was around two. It was AWFUL. She's be crying out for me and I'd be holding her, but she just didn't know I was there. :( Fortunately they didn't last long, but she did go through a period when she was older where she would sleep walk. It's all seemed to work itself out now, though.

[unsinkable]

so late to the party but maybe this will help:

 

My boys process the day once they are in bed.

 

When they were little and still sleeping with me, they'd talk about what had happened, what they did, what was good & bad. Sometimes they'd cry about something at bedtime that had happened during the day but they hadn't cried about it when it happened.

 

I think most of it was/is their personalities. My older DS holds his emotions closely. He is a very private person, kind of a "still waters run deep" person. He shows his emotions when he feels the safest. My younger son is more expressive but he is much, much, much more intense.

 

The part of it was that they were just tired at the end of the day. Sometimes you cry a bit easier when you're tired. ;)

 

Perhaps your 5 yo is processing the day and just needs to learn some techniques to get thru it without creating an pattern that isn't helpful.

Edited July 27, 2011 by unsinkable

[Veritaserum]

Depends on the child. My oldest is 11 and is a night owl, so we have a hard time getting her to go to bed before midnight. My second and fourth have always been good/easy sleepers. My third and fifth both settled into bedtime routines around age two.