Journey Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) I love this family, well sort of. But they kind of bug me at the same time. I mean, okay, they have a TON of kids but I think it's great that they don't rely on the government to help raise them and I think it's great that they don't have any debt etc. But what kind of bothers me is that the kids really.don't.do.anything. I mean, what if one of them wanted to play a team sport or even an indiviual sport...like tennis or something. I find it kind of strange that none of them want to or are they not allowed to? I tape the new shows and I was watching the last one just now. Jim Bob (okay he bugs the crap out of me) got on my nerves again. Michelle was actually spending time with one of the kids (I, personally don't think she spends enough time with her kids) and he wanted her to stop and help him proof read their latest book. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The book can wait, but Jordyn needs to spend some time with her MOTHER! It just seems that the kids are always (okay 95% of the time) working. Those poor older girls are really the mothers. I just wonder like why none of them play sports especially the boys...not that all of them have to play but come one, what boy (or girl) doesn't want to do some kind of extra curricular activity? I get that they like to play with each other but what about the teenaged boys? Hello? I really admire their work ethic in a huge way but I just think they are missing out on other things that are important too. I know it doesn't really matter, but it's just my observation and opinion! Wow, this post really took off! I just to add, since I think I'm being misunderstood(!)....I didn't expect ALL of the 19 kids to play sports...when I wrote the post I meant that I think it's weird that NONE of them do. I would think a few of the boys (or all of them) to want to play SOMETHING, like most boys do and I don't know where you guys live but around here soccer is H.U.G.E for both boys and girls...and Joy Anna seems like she could be a jock if she were given the chance...I guess that's it really, I don't think they have a choice and I don't think the older girls have a choice if they want to help out so much either. I know that my one daughter would love nothing more than to be a wife and mother but my other daugther wants nothing more than to go to college to be an accountant...having said that, I can't imagine that every girl in that family wants to be a SAHM...I dunno...just my opinion and observation! Edited July 8, 2011 by Journey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know about the sports, but you have to keep in mind that what you see on TV is really a small, small fraction of the time they have with their kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah, I've got a love/hate thing going on with them, too, for the reasons you mentioned. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 They practice the Bill Gothard form Christianity and it does not believe in playing sports. I can't remember why but his whole very legalistic Christianity and some say "cult" has a whole lot of stuff telling them how to dress and stuff. I remember at one time that the boys couldn't wear teeshirt or blue jeans they had to always wear shirts with collars. I know in the whole duggard serious the boys were always dressed this way but since the preemie was born I did see a episode wear one of the young boys had a t-shirt on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know about the sports, but you have to keep in mind that what you see on TV is really a small, small fraction of the time they have with their kids. :iagree:I have 7dc and when I had lots of little ones my oldest dd did alot to help me and it's not because I expected her to, it's because she wanted to. I have spoken to the older Duggar girls personally because we went to a convention they were at this spring and I asked them that same thing about sports and doing alot around the house. They said that if they really wanted to play a sport their parents would have considered it. Each of them told me that they love helping out around the house and what each of them does is actually suited to what they love to do. I didn't hear a hint of resentment in their voices at all. I will agree that Jimbob gets on my nerves sometimes, but i have heard Michelle hold her own, so I think it's all good. As far as spending time with her kids, I think that it's probably nearly impossible for her to spend what "we" think she should, just as it is impossible for me to spend what "I" want to spend with my kids, but I don't see them suffering for lack of attention at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I've never been a fan of the Duggars. I'm pretty sure if memory serves that way back when they used to have stuff on their website that associated them with the Pearls, which was subsequently removed, but I can't swear to it or prove it. That aside, I've always thought that they force their older girls to be pretty much full-time housewives and mommies to younger siblings, which is not fair at all- helping out is great and all, but in that family, it goes beyond that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) I only have two, and I don't want to commit to sports. They are so time-consuming. I feel differently about something you can choose to limit your own time on -- the gym, martial arts, yoga, etc. I find team sports so overrated and pushed in this society. I think they have a lot of admirable qualities, but there seems to be an implication out there that your average family can model them. An average family cannot. Not everyone makes that kind of money. Not everyone can afford, for example, an industrial kitchen and a recording studio. Not everyone can be debt-free now or even in several years. I do know young ladies who spend a lot of time helping their moms, and they love it. Not a one has ever hinted at hating it. I will take their love of family and sweetness over the fingernail/pop-culture obsessed teen girls any day! I do think, though, that these young ladies that I know are receiving a sub-par academic training -- esp. when it is assumed that they will homeschool their own. Oh, and SWB doesn't have her kids in sports either. I've seen her shrug it off as unimportant. :) Edited July 7, 2011 by nestof3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 *Shrug*. I know a lot of small families that don't do sports either. The kids do all play the violin (and some play additional instruments, I believe)... Obviously it's a very different life than my family leads, lol. But the lack of organized sports just doesn't bother me one way or the other. Many kids grow up without that. And I think there are an awful lot of kids (from small families!) that have less personal interaction with their parents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 It seems like they're always preparing for an activity or some kind of family outing. They play instruments, too. Maybe they're just not interested in sports. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I thought they traveled, did mission work, played violin etc. I'm not Christian, but I doubt not doing sports is important. I've only seen a handful of episodes, but little league never crossed my mind. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I can't imagine having all those kids in extra curricular activities. Say even the eldest 10-12 kids that would be so much running around. If I had that many we would just be our own team(s) and play on our huge property. I to have a love/hate relationship with the duggars. I do have a lot of admiration for them too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I like them. They're a close knit and loving family. I'd probably disagree with them on every little thing I can imagine in regards to politics, religion, women in society, etc. but I think they'd make lovely friends and neighbours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Maybe they have non-athletic kids? I don't watch the show so have no clue, just what I have read. My kids don't play sports either (I have 4). None of them thus far has shown any real interest in a particular sport, though they do like frisbee at the park or whatnot. My DH plays a sport but maybe the kids just take after my uncoordinated self. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Not to sound crazy but what on earth else would Michelle Duggar do but spend time with her children? I mean, she doesn't run the household single handedly (I mean everyone is involved not that she has staff), she's a stay at home, homeschooling mom... Her kids aren't off to school and daycare. She doesn't strike me as a high maintenance spa girl... I clearly have a very different lifestyle than theirs, but I think they walk their talk admirably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 But what kind of bothers me is that the kids really.don't.do.anything. I mean, what if one of them wanted to play a team sport or even an indiviual sport...like tennis or something. I find it kind of strange that none of them want to or are they not allowed to? Why would you assume that not participating in youth sports means they don't do anything? There are plenty of other activities (structured and otherwise) for non-sporting families. I don't imagine a reality television show that runs a half our (hour?) each week can give you an accurate picture of everything the family does. Michelle was actually spending time with one of the kids (I, personally don't think she spends enough time with her kids) and he wanted her to stop and help him proof read their latest book. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The book can wait, but Jordyn needs to spend some time with her MOTHER! :001_huh: Maybe he was up against a deadline. Maybe he found a small amount of time that they could spend working on the project together. Plenty of us have work to do that requires us to occasionally tell our children to wait. Again, I wonder how you feel that you are getting a complete picture and can make an accurate assumption about the amount of time the mom spends with her children based on a tv show. I'm not a fan of reality television, so I haven't watched more than a couple minutes of The Duggars. Still, I would guess that your assumptions about the family are incorrect if you are simply basing your judgement on what the producers of the show chose to allow you to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BearWallowSchool Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Not to sound crazy but what on earth else would Michelle Duggar do but spend time with her children? I mean, she doesn't run the household single handedly (I mean everyone is involved not that she has staff), she's a stay at home, homeschooling mom... Her kids aren't off to school and daycare. She doesn't strike me as a high maintenance spa girl... I clearly have a very different lifestyle than theirs, but I think they walk their talk admirably. :iagree: Especially, with the bolded part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know about the sports, but you have to keep in mind that what you see on TV is really a small, small fraction of the time they have with their kids. :iagree:This is exactly what I was going to say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know about the sports, but you have to keep in mind that what you see on TV is really a small, small fraction of the time they have with their kids. :iagree: This Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Homeschooling SAHM of 20 doesn't spend enough time with her kids?! :smilielol5::blink: You have got to be kidding. When I think of all the mothers in America that are hell-bent on getting as far away from their kids as possible, no homeschool mother is on the list, let alone one who chose to have that many kids. Absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Eh, they pretty much have enough kids to put a game of whatever sport they want together, if that's what they want to do! ;) My kids get one sport each, and it's already become a nightmare with just the first two (third will play soccer in the fall.) Driving, juggling, occupying others during practices and games... blech! But, yeah, I have a love/hate thing going on with them, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know about the sports, but you have to keep in mind that what you see on TV is really a small, small fraction of the time they have with their kids. :iagree: Going by what they put on the show, the kids also hardly ever do schoolwork and are always going on field trips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Going by what they put on the show, the kids also hardly ever do schoolwork and are always going on field trips. That's why we homeschool, right? :D right? :mellow: :leaving: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 As I'm reading this I was thinking through all the reasons for team sports. Things like learning a skill, learning to work together, socializing, etc. The Duggar family is obviously learning the same skills although in a different way than team sports. My life would be much simplier without team sports (we do baseball and soccer and the olders do basketball) and there are times when I wish we hadn't started it. My oldest is very sports-orientated and so as he has played the youngers have followed in his footsteps. I wonder if part of the reason the Duggars don't play is that the olders never started and the youngers just haven't considered it. As far as Michelle not spending time with the kids, I can't imagine. If you saw the last episode, did you notice how annoyed she was by the fact that the book needed proofing on a time schedule. She even said something to the effect that the "kids are what's important all this other stuff are just distractions, not the other way around". I heard her speak in Cincinnati this year and it was touching to hear her heart for her kids, her husband and God. The show has to show something 'exciting' every week, the ratings would probably go down hill quickly if all we saw was Michelle chasing kids, cleaning, cooking and homeschooling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I like them. They're a close knit and loving family. I'd probably disagree with them on every little thing I can imagine in regards to politics, religion, women in society, etc. but I think they'd make lovely friends and neighbours. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 :iagree: Going by what they put on the show, the kids also hardly ever do schoolwork and are always going on field trips. I have seen one show where they were sitting and doing school work. ;) It was a much older show though. Like another poster said, we are only seeing a very small portion of their life on tv. :001_smile: If I had that many kids I def. would go berserk if all were in different sports. If they were playing one sport together then yes however for my 3 kids they are not interested in sport. They are interested in other things. In fact, several shows did show several of the kids doing their own thing/interest from the rest of the family. It just depends on what show you are watching. They look very happy!! My older son met one of the girls at the convention and they talked for a bit. He said that they seem very well adjusted. Weird but very well adjusted. He said that one girl is very beautiful!!:) Holly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 It is only 19!!!!!! :lol: And yes, this is what I think too. They were on a deadline and Jim Bob needed her to go over the book because it was necessary. Sometimes I have to tell my kids I can't do X right now because I have to do Y. That does not mean I don't spend enough time with my kids. Heck, I am on the computer right now and my kids are downstairs! :tongue_smilie: Dawn Homeschooling SAHM of 20 doesn't spend enough time with her kids?! :smilielol5::blink: You have got to be kidding. When I think of all the mothers in America that are hell-bent on getting as far away from their kids as possible, no homeschool mother is on the list, let alone one who chose to have that many kids. Absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't think the Duggars are anti-sports, per say. I remember one episode where they said they play broom ball or something once a week, or every couple of weeks, at a local ice skating rink. The girls played, too. I just think they focus on other things rather than team sports. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I only have two, and I don't want to commit to sports. They are so time-consuming. I feel differently about something you can choose to limit your own time on -- the gym, martial arts, yoga, etc. I find team sports so overrated and pushed in this society. I think they have a lot of admirable qualities, but there seems to be an implication out there that your average family can model them. An average family cannot. Not everyone makes that kind of money. Not everyone can afford, for example, an industrial kitchen and a recording studio. Not everyone can be debt-free now or even in several years. I do know young ladies who spend a lot of time helping their moms, and they love it. Not a one has ever hinted at hating it. I will take their love of family and sweetness over the fingernail/pop-culture obsessed teen girls any day! I do think, though, that these young ladies that I know are receiving a sub-par academic training -- esp. when it is assumed that they will homeschool their own. Oh, and SWB doesn't have her kids in sports either. I've seen her shrug it off as unimportant. :) :iagree: ....with everything here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 ... I think they walk their talk admirably. :iagree: And I just ordered their latest book, too. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenTenders/Kim Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I've never been a fan of the Duggars. I'm pretty sure if memory serves that way back when they used to have stuff on their website that associated them with the Pearls, which was subsequently removed, but I can't swear to it or prove it. That aside, I've always thought that they force their older girls to be pretty much full-time housewives and mommies to younger siblings, which is not fair at all- helping out is great and all, but in that family, it goes beyond that. Really? I read part of their book one time (The Pearls child "training book") and didn't agree with it. Interesting. Every large family I have ever seen and known personally do expect the older children to pick up a lot of slack, more than what a normal family does. It makes me wonder about large families (not passing judgment on anyone here that I have not met). It's the only way they can function. Some children may not mind but what about the ones that do? I don't watch the show often enough to really know, they come of as goody goody to much for me. I am too big a sinner I guess. ;) But on the same token I do admire some things about their lifestyle. I wonder though how much freedom of choice do the women have? Let me explain a bit more, I am raising my daughter to think she can do anything and I encourage her to try many things. Are their daughters given the sme oppurtunity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 As I'm reading this I was thinking through all the reasons for team sports. Things like learning a skill, learning to work together, socializing, etc. The Duggar family is obviously learning the same skills although in a different way than team sports. My life would be much simplier without team sports (we do baseball and soccer and the olders do basketball) and there are times when I wish we hadn't started it. My oldest is very sports-orientated and so as he has played the youngers have followed in his footsteps. I wonder if part of the reason the Duggars don't play is that the olders never started and the youngers just haven't considered it. As far as Michelle not spending time with the kids, I can't imagine. If you saw the last episode, did you notice how annoyed she was by the fact that the book needed proofing on a time schedule. She even said something to the effect that the "kids are what's important all this other stuff are just distractions, not the other way around". I heard her speak in Cincinnati this year and it was touching to hear her heart for her kids, her husband and God. The show has to show something 'exciting' every week, the ratings would probably go down hill quickly if all we saw was Michelle chasing kids, cleaning, cooking and homeschooling. :iagree:I saw the episode and that is what she said, that the book was the distraction, not the children. In that same episode she was politely firm in telling Jim Bob what she wanted with regards to a photo. I was thinking it was kind of comical that she wasn't just being "submissive" and going with what he wanted. Clearly she isn't afraid to speak up and he didn't seem at all embarrassed or emasculated by it. I honestly don't understand people that have "hate" for the Duggars. It seems so bizarre to me how some people go on and on and on with their judgements and assuming they know all about this family from 30 minute episodes once a week. I know people that "go off" when the Duggars are mentioned and they can't stop talking about the girls and how much they help and they go on ad nauseum about how it all must be staged because nobody's family is "like that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 IIRC, two of the older boys and one of the girls are fully trained volunteer firefighters. Quite an athletic job! Jennifer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessicaLady Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I have to admit that I am a fan of the Duggars. What stands out most is how polite and respectful everyone in the family is to one another. I've noticed some back-talk recently in my house and I honestly only have to take a look into the mirror to see where this sassiness is coming from. As far as not playing sports, I have to wonder b/c there are so many of them, perhaps they play against one another at their home? I mean, there ARE enough parents/kids combined to have two really nice sized teams. Music seems to be a cost-effective activity for them. Pianos are mostly one size fits all. Violin/violas for example come in different sizes but can be used by the same person for many years before passing down to a younger sibling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 IIRC, two of the older boys and one of the girls are fully trained volunteer firefighters. Quite an athletic job!Jennifer I know two of the girls are trained firefighters and I think only one boy is also. I do not remember two boys though. BTW, I am going to order their new book soon. I can't wait to read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burger Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I like them. They're a close knit and loving family. I'd probably disagree with them on every little thing I can imagine in regards to politics, religion, women in society, etc. but I think they'd make lovely friends and neighbours. Totally agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carpe Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I think the Duggars are awesome. It's not a lifestyle I would, or could, lead, but it seems to suit them, or them it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 It would be too much of a logistical nightmare for the children to do sports unless it was something like a recreational swim team where all of them had practice and meets at the exact same time. I doubt the Duggars would ever consider doing that because of the attire issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelAR05 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 One time this past winter when there was a really bad snow storm in Northwest Arkansas (one of the worst on record) and the local news station had a piece where they showed a tow truck helping someone get their car out, and the person working the tow truck was Josh Duggar. The news station didn't point out who he was specifically, just doing a story about how bad the storm was. Their work ethic has always impressed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 One would think living in a family that size is a sort of team sport. My issues with the Dugars being long before one starts to consider their extra curricular activities. I didn't know they had one of those types of shows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I don't think the Duggars are anti-sports, per say. I remember one episode where they said they play broom ball or something once a week, or every couple of weeks, at a local ice skating rink. The girls played, too. I just think they focus on other things rather than team sports. Girls have specific focuses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Really? I read part of their book one time (The Pearls child "training book") and didn't agree with it. Interesting. Every large family I have ever seen and known personally do expect the older children to pick up a lot of slack, more than what a normal family does. It makes me wonder about large families (not passing judgment on anyone here that I have not met). It's the only way they can function. Some children may not mind but what about the ones that do? I don't watch the show often enough to really know, they come of as goody goody to much for me. I am too big a sinner I guess. ;) But on the same token I do admire some things about their lifestyle. I wonder though how much freedom of choice do the women have? Let me explain a bit more, I am raising my daughter to think she can do anything and I encourage her to try many things. Are their daughters given the sme oppurtunity? I make my kids do chores and I only have two. They mind a lot really. I don't care. :tongue_smilie: I agree with you on the last paragraph though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I only have two left at home and we don't do organized sports either. Our older four all played sports at one time or another (my only dd is the most natural athlete of the bunch) but maybe it's 'cuz I'm OLD now, I have no desire to spend the better part of my week at a sporting event. As far as the Duggar family goes, I'm a fan. I think they do an admirable job raising their kids for the Lord. We actually went to a book signing for their newest book and it was a joy to meet them. The children were personable and mannerly. Very friendly. When you take into account all the dysfunctional families they parade on tv, the Duggar's are very refreshing to watch, imho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 It would be too much of a logistical nightmare for the children to do sports unless it was something like a recreational swim team where all of them had practice and meets at the exact same time. I doubt the Duggars would ever consider doing that because of the attire issue. They do make modest swimwear I think I recall seeing them swim at one point (could be thinking of something else), though I don't think you can swim competitively in it. The first swim dresses we had we could barley move in them so we had to switch to something more like a dance leotard that is short sleeves/shorts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 (edited) I am all for "the more, the merrier" philosophy when it comes to children, BUT, I believe one should have only as many children as they can successfully parent on all levels (financially, emotionally, quality time-wise, educationally, etc.). Can the Duggars successfully parent all those children? Sure, we could argue about that. For example, every hour with child A is an hour less with child B, and whether you like it or not, at some point, the time does get divided. If there are 10 hours daily one actively spends with children (and that is A LOT!), how much quality one on one time does each Duggar kid get with their mother and their father? Is that time really quality time if there are a dozen other kids "in the queque" for that some hour with mom? Can Michelle, for example, take a day off from other kids to more or less fully devote herself to one child that has a particular problem and needs full time attention that day, without looking at her watch and being fully present for that one kid? Or, say, education. I have some difficulties devoting myself to my TWO advanced (!) daughters since I had a third child who interferes with our schedule. That is cute and fine :), because such is life, but seriously, I am not going to lie - it DOES affect the quality of studies, the quality of my concentration and how fully I can concentrate on one kid's translation (for example) if I know there is a baby that can need me any moment. But, my kids are big and independent and half-tutored, so they would be fine in any case, but if I try to imagine the picture with "only" five more kids of different ages... Could I honestly say that, if I had eight children, they would be getting the same education they are getting when they are only two? Honestly? Probably not. There would be a price to pay in academic quality. For many people, that would probably be a perfectly acceptable price to pay. For me, I am not sure I would be willing to even homeschool in such a case, or at least not all of them. Then you have day to day stuff. I would consider myself a complete parental failure if I had my own kids "raise" my own kids. Yeah, SOME amount of help, sure - that is normal, because we are a family and family helps. But there are things I could never ask my kids to do - enormous time spent with their younger siblings rather than with their peers or on their interests, or things which are related to day to day baby / toddler care, and so forth. No. Just no. I realize other people may feel differently than me on these issues. Basically... While I can respect their path as their path (and it is a legitimate path), and trust that as parents they go with their best judgment (as we all do), it is a path I would never willingly accept upon myself. It seems idyllic on the outside, maybe, like a big warm family, but I know much smaller families (with 10ish kids "only") where the amount of subtle damage that happens over the years on all those levels - not enough one on one time, constantly "in queque" for time, not enough time for intensity of kids' interests and passions, intellectual sacrifices that are made along the way (even in families which do not homeschool and are very intellectually intensive, such as our Orthodox friends and relatives - they admit, at the end, that the sacrifices were made and they cannot learn with kids or expose their kids to as much as they would like, etc.) - is rather big. I am not claiming it is not tempered with wonderful things and experiences, in fact, I am sure that from their perspective, those of us with "only" a typical small number kids are also losing out on something. But it is still the amount of sacrifice that *I personally* would never subscribe to. To each their own, I guess. :) Personally, I have a sort of distant admiration for families like that, but paired up with understanding that what DH and I want out of family life, education, family experiences with kids and so forth could never "click" with such a lifestyle and that number of children. It is not sports that are a problem in my eyes - we are a non-sporty family too, even if kids could do sports if they wished - but all those subtle sacrifices that seem to happen in very large families on a daily basis, in terms of individual time with parents, intellectual intensity, etc. I do realize that it is highly individual how many kids people can successfully parent, so maybe 3 is my upper limit and 7 somebody else's, but I honestly do not think that the upper limit is that relative. I honestly hope this post does not offend anyone or comes across as (too) judgmental, as I know there are people raising large families on these boards too who probably do not "compartmentalize" things they way I am doing now (thinking in terms of logistics of money / time / intellectual engagement past 3Rs, etc.). I may admire some aspects of what they do (from work ethic, to team spirit, etc.), but I reserve the right to be skeptical regarding those subtle, added-up along the time, downsides of growing up in such a large family. (I do not watch the show regularly, I stumbled upon them at one point and got to read a little about them and saw with interest an hour or a few in their lives, but I am by no means familiar with the specifics of the big picture.) Edited July 8, 2011 by Ester Maria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I wonder though how much freedom of choice do the women have? Let me explain a bit more, I am raising my daughter to think she can do anything and I encourage her to try many things. Are their daughters given the sme oppurtunity? Just as my approach reflects my goal for my children to leave my home thoroughly prepared to pursue anything they desire, their approach reflects their desire that their children leave their home thoroughly prepared to live Godly lives in their defined roles as men and women. My role definition is much more blurred than theirs. That's ok. And, really, if any of the girls decides that is NOT the life for her, I feel pretty confident that she would have the foundation to pursue the life she wants. I am, frankly, more disturbed by parents who have no vision at all, the ones who just sort of float along, do the "accepted" thing without thought, and never question the whys and hows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenTenders/Kim Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I make my kids do chores and I only have two. They mind a lot really. I don't care. :tongue_smilie: I agree with you on the last paragraph though. Not talking about chores. I think the older ones do a bit more than chores, personally, in the families I have known. Their are chores and their are CHORES. Ya know what I mean? Helping out with dinner or dishes or helping to feed the animals or working in the yard is one thing, often times they take on the role of parent as the parents are unable to because of so many in the family, I guess. the families I know the parents refuse to admit that the children do so much. FYI, I work really hard getting my daughter to do chores. I work harder getting her to do them at this age then if I did them myself. :lol: Chores are important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 They do make modest swimwear I think I recall seeing them swim at one point (could be thinking of something else), though I don't think you can swim competitively in it. The first swim dresses we had we could barley move in them so we had to switch to something more like a dance leotard that is short sleeves/shorts. Even if they found modest swimwear that one could race in, I think the concern would be about seeing others wearing typical racing attire. I can't see JimBob and Michelle being okay with their teens viewing that much skin, KWIM? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I am all for "the more, the merrier" philosophy when it comes to children, BUT, I believe one should have only as many children as they can successfully parent on all levels (financially, emotionally, quality time-wise, educationally, etc.). Can the Duggars successfully parent all those children? Sure, we could argue about that. For example, every hour with child A is an hour less with child B, and whether you like it or not, at some point, the time does get divided. If there are 10 hours daily one actively spends with children (and that is A LOT!), how much quality one on one time does each Duggar kid get with their mother and their father? Is that time really quality time if there are a dozen other kids "in the queque" for that some hour with mom? Can Michelle, for example, take a day off from other kids to more or less fully devote herself to one child that has a particular problem and needs full time attention that day, without looking at her watch and being fully present for that one kid? Having a small family is a relatively new thing. Several years ago I did some research into one branch of my family tree, and families of 10+ kids was not unusual. There were a couple of families with 15-17 kids. I highly doubt those families thought they were not spending enough quality time with their kids. People's ideas of the required quantity of quality time has changed. That doesn't mean either way is enough or not enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I am, frankly, more disturbed by parents who have no vision at all, the ones who just sort of float along, do the "accepted" thing without thought, and never question the whys and hows. This was my husband and I for a long time. Or at least by my measure. We're making progress and the more we make progress the more I notice the other floaters and the more I'm disturbed by it as you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossom'sGirl Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Funny, I was thinking the other day about how much they do. They have traveled all over the country and even parts of the world. They don't live to entertain just themselves and they seem sincere. A rare find on television - not that I can watch it anymore. I accidentally ripped the cable connector out of the back of my TV. I didn't play a single sport as a kid and my parents only had two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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