Church Baby Showers for Regular Attendees/Not Members?

[herbalgirl]

I am due in 2 weeks with baby #6. We are not members of the church we're attending, but we've been attending it for 1.5 yrs. I've noticed that this particular church will not throw baby showers for people who are not members, but do so with relish to those who are members.

 

I am not money grubbing or looking for lots of presents. In all honesty, having the center of attention put on me at a party wigs me out. I guess it is just the principle of the whole thing. I believe a baby should be celebrated, no matter how long the woman and her family have been attending and no matter what # child it is for her.

 

I am trying hard not to let it bug me, but it still does. I was wondering if this is common practice or not in churches you've been in-if you even know.

 

As for the reasoning why we aren't members, we're having some theological differences of opinion with our current church, but no one knows that, not even the pastor. We've been pretty much faithfully attending since we've moved here, and participate in other areas (nursery, taking up collection, etc) as we have time.

Edited May 29, 2011 by herbalgirl

[PrincessAriel]

I have never heard of a church giving a baby shower. Maybe individual members who are friends of the expectant family but never the church itself.

Congratulations on your new baby, though!:001_smile:

[Melinda in VT]

Our church doesn't give baby showers, so I voted Other. :D

[Mama2Many4]

No church I've ever been to has given baby showers. I voted other as well.

[herbalgirl]

Our church has a "Women in the Church" group, where the ladies minister to others, organize flowers and decorations, arrange meals for those who need them, and whatnot. These are usually the people who do the baby showers for the pregnant women of the church. Most churches I know of, no matter what the denomination, have some sort of overall women's group.

 

My church is PCA (Presbyterian Church in America), if that matters.

 

Interesting responses so far! :)

[Dmmetler]

The only time my church has given a baby shower as a church is if it's a missionary having a baby-in which case, the church gives the party, collects money, and then purchases what the family needs in whatever way is the easiest way to get it to them.

 

There are baby showers for church members held in the church, but they're done by a group of people for a specific person, not by the church as a whole, although there's often an invitation in the newsletter/bulletin. I'm not sure if that hits all pregnant women or not-I don't attend showers if I don't personally know the honoree.

[herbalgirl]

Congratulations on your new baby, though!:001_smile:

 

 

Thank you! :001_smile:

[Dobela]

I voted other. Women in our church give showers to the expectant moms. If they are members the shower usually happens at the church. If they are not, then the shower usually happens at someone's home. However, not all women are given a shower. It depends on the woman, how many friends she has (especially if not a member it may depend on how active she is in the church), which pregnancy it is, and so on.

[JudoMom]

The church we recently left gave a baby shower for the first child born to a family (so it might be child #4 for the family if they were new to the church) while attending the church, member or not.

[herbalgirl]

There are baby showers for church members held in the church, but they're done by a group of people for a specific person, not by the church as a whole, although there's often an invitation in the newsletter/bulletin.

 

Yes, this is what I mean. The women's group in our church gives baby showers for the women who are pregnant in the church. They are given one at a time, for a specific person, however I've come to see that the certain person is only given one if they're a member of this church.:confused:

 

A good example is this: I am due in 2 weeks with #6 (as I mentioned), however there is another woman at church who just started attending about 6 months ago with her husband. This is her first baby and she's due 2 days before me. They are not members, either, and even though this is her first baby, nothing has been mentioned about a shower for her, either.

Edited May 29, 2011 by herbalgirl

[Dinsfamily]

Our church also does not give baby showers. However, since our closest friendships are usually formed in our church (seems like it is that way for the majority of women who attend our church) showers are often given by a member of the church. Sometimes they request to have it in our building just because it is a larger venue than a home. My most recent baby shower was held at the church and hosted by our pastor's wife plus a couple of other members. That didn't have anything to do with me being a member, just that they are my best friends. On that same note, invitations are limited to friends and possibly acquaintances of the mother-to-be. There isn't an announcement in the bulletin or a blanket invitation to the church. The only exception to this was when I threw our pastor's wife her last baby shower. I did make a point to invite every woman in our church just because of her position.

 

I do agree with you that every baby deserves to be celebrated and congrats on your new little one!

[ecj98]

The church we recently left gave a baby shower for the first child born to a family (so it might be child #4 for the family if they were new to the church) while attending the church, member or not.

 

This is almost what we do. Shower for 1st baby after becoming a member.

[Ellie]

I haven't attended a church in over 30 years that gave baby showers at all.

 

Generally, baby showers have been given by individual Sunday school classes, not by the church as a whole (although in smaller churches everyone was invited).

 

We've tended not to give showers for babies after the first one, either, so that might be what the issue is at your church. Just a thought.

[hana]

Congratulations on your impending arrival!

 

I've never attended a church that gave baby showers. (Okay, so over the course of my life, I've only attended three churches--one Baptist, two UU).

 

I do think I would expect such an even to be limited to members, though. Otherwise, what determines which families "merit" a shower--is regular attendance enough? tithing? actively contributing through participation?

 

And I wouldn't expect a shower for a baby after the first.

 

But I do hope someone arranges a celebration for your little one.

[starwarsmomma]

I live in Texas, and we love baby showers-- but I've NEVER heard of a church around here that does baby showers for members.

 

I have, however, been to churches that collect baby things for those in need, womens shelters, etc... but not baby showers.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Our church doesn't do baby showers. They have done "showers" for local crisis pregnancy centers, but not for individuals. With 3500 registered families, that would be a lot of showers.

[QueenCat]

In our church, it is the small groups (Sunday School class, Bible Study, Women's Circle, Wed. night class, etc) who give the baby showers. They give showers for people in their group. If a woman is more than one of the groups, they'll combine to give one. Women who choose not to be in a small group are not likely to have a shower. Not out of meanness, but because no one knew she wasn't in a group giving her one. My small groups give showers to all babies born in our group, regardless of how many other children have been born or adopted in to the family. To us, all babies should be celebrated.

[Punks in Ontario]

At our church, we give showers for first babies only for any members or adherents. Usually, they're given by a member of the church, but there is a committee that will do so if no one steps forward. Occasionally, we give private showers for unusual circumstances - for example a single mom or a financially strapped family who's already used up the official first baby shower. Private gifts are often given for younger children. I've always been amazed by the generosity of everyone.

 

I could see this getting more difficult as we get to be a larger congregation. Right now, we only have 2 or three babies per year.

[Chelli]

I live in Texas and grew up in Arkansas. Every church I've ever attended gave baby showers for their expectant mothers...member or not. Lots of times the showers are for the children and/or grandchildren of members who don't even live in the same town anymore, but grew up going to that church. Usually, it is only for the first baby or if you are having a different gender than your previous children.

 

Maybe the churches I attend are just a weird group of folks but we celebrate children and love any excuse to get together, open presents, and eat some yummy food!! It might just be a Southern thing as well! :D

[MominIN]

Our church gives showers for members and regular attendees. For the first baby it's a regular shower. For each subsequent baby it is a diaper shower.

[Alice]

I said yes, although it's not really that the church does baby showers as an official thing. It's a very small church though so if someone has a shower, the whole church is invited. We have done showers for people who are not members, including recently a woman who had only visited a few times (she was a friend of another member though). We typically do showers or something for every baby, although for my friend who just had her 7th we gave her and her husband a night away in a hotel instead of a shower. We figured at this point that was more of what they needed.

 

We're also PCA for what it's worth. We don't have an official Women of the Church group being so small (less than 100 members, about 40-60 attendees on a Sunday). There is a group of us that meets regularly to pray for the other women and to make sure things like showers and meals for new mothers are happening and other needs are being met.

[Food4Thought]

Other. Our church doesn't give baby showers. People involved in the church often give them for their friends and use the church as a location for the event.

 

I've also noticed a trend towards only doing showers for 1st or 2nd children. There seems to be an expectation that those with several children will have most of the things they need. Do you think this might be an issue? I have several friends who had 5th and 6th babies recently, and they chose not to have showers, even though we wanted to throw them. We celebrate the babies in a different way - through planning meals for the new mom and her family, and each person often brings a gift along with the meal.

 

Another issue might be funds. I know our church has a separate Deaconess Board with their own budget, and they often have to pick and choose between what events or who they can help at any given time. It may be that choosing to only give showers for members helps them to better use their limited budget.

 

One last thought - have you mentioned to anyone in the church that you might like a shower? Have you mentioned that you have particular needs for this baby? Perhaps, if you'd like to make the rules more open, you can suggest a solution for showers - either gather your own group of volunteers willing to coordinate all of them, or something similar. It's easy for people to fall through the cracks in a church (especially a large one) if they don't make their needs known.

 

I'm a Pastor's Wife, and there are a lot of people in our church I still don't know, even though I try to meet everyone. 1.5 years isn't really that long for church attendance - sometimes I meet "new" people who have been there for 2 years or more and haven't been in my radar. All that to say, err on the side of grace. If you feel overlooked, speak to the Women's ministry board or one of the elders and see if you can't change things to be more inclusive.

[Diana B]

Our church itself does not give showers. Friends of the expecting family would throw it, whether in the church or not. If there was someone that was not a 'member' of a the church but had been attending for 1.5 yrs, I most likely would be a friend of this person and would be wondering about a shower. Most in my church would not care if you were a 'member' or not.

 

(To me, you are a member of God's church, not a specific group of people that gather in a specific building.)

[mom2scouts]

Our church doesn't give baby showers for anyone. It's a large church and there would be many every week!

[Cortana]

Every church I've attended gave a shower regardless of whether the mother/family was a member or not. Also every church I've attended has had the rule of giving a full party for the 1st baby or if it's a different gender from previous sibling(s) or if it's the first child the parent(s) have had since attending the church (i.e. our dd was our third but the first child we had expected since going to our current church so we were given the big party). But all other children are celebrated, the church has a "table shower" where a table is set out special and decorated in the foyer and gifts can be left there for the new baby.

 

On another note, sometimes showers are given after baby arrives and sometimes before, it all depending on the church's schedule and when it can accomodate the party. When we were expecting dd the lady in the church that organized the baby showers let me know that they would have to wait til after baby was born as there were just too many events going on at the time to do anything before baby came, she didn't want me to think they'd forgotten which stunned me and touched me since I didn't expect anyone to do anything as dd was our third child.

[MrsJewelsRae]

Our church is pretty small with only about 50 or so people. One of the ladies always throws a baby shower for first time moms, usually someone who is closest to the pregnant woman- and all of the church women are invited. Once there was a shower for a 3rd child but there was a 10 year gap between #2 and #3. A shower would also be thrown for a woman who was a regular attender but was not an official "member", if it were her first. 2nd and so on babies usually are welcomed with individual gifts from most of the church women, but not in an organized fashion (group gift) or shower. When I had my 3rd a couple of the ladies organized a freezer meals gift for me and my SIL (who was due 3 wks apart), which was wonderful.

Edited May 29, 2011 by MrsJewelsRae

[Impish]

Seems to me that becoming a member is a commitment to being in the church 'family', so it makes perfect sense that they'd limit to members.

[specialmama]

Our church throws baby showers, but not after the first baby. This does not mean the baby is not celebrated. The birth is announced, the baby shown off, and folks sign a congregational card if they wish to give to the family. Babies after #1 usually do not get showers, but close friends and relatives usually bring a gift when the see the baby for the first time.

[susankenny]

I've never heard of churches giving baby showers. Where I live, baby showers were only common for the first baby, not so much for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. - at least in the area I live this is how the norm is. So maybe since it's your 6th baby, they may feel you have a lot of things already? Just a thought?

 

Susan

[susankenny]

Our church throws baby showers, but not after the first baby. This does not mean the baby is not celebrated. The birth is announced, the baby shown off, and folks sign a congregational card if they wish to give to the family. Babies after #1 usually do not get showers, but close friends and relatives usually bring a gift when the see the baby for the first time.

 

Exactly the same here. I didn't read your reply first, otherwise I'd have simply agreed.

 

Susan

[JFSinIL]

Our church does not do baby showers, period. I never heard of this before!

[ereks mom]

...and everyone in the church is invited. This is usually for a couple who is "high profile"--the pastor, music minister, youth minister, deacon/elder, etc. or some member of their immediate family. For example, the pastor's daughter had a baby about a year and a half ago, and the church gave her and her husband a baby shower, although the daughter is now living in another state and attending a church there with her minister-husband. The young mother grew up in the church, and everyone thought of her as one of their own.

 

When "regular people" ;) who are members of the church have babies, it is usually their Sunday School class or some other church organization that hosts the shower, and everyone in the church is invited. It is usually held in the church fellowship hall. In both instances I've described, a baby shower is given regardless of how many babies the family has had.

 

When a non-member, even a long-time attendee, is having a baby, there is generally no baby shower. Of course, around here you don't often see people attend for a long time without becoming members. People tend to either visit for a short time (a month or so) and then they either join or move on to visit somewhere else.

[Photo Ninja]

Our church does not give baby showers for anyone, but it is a large church, so it would not be practical to even try. Those who are close friends with a pregnant woman will throw a shower, but it is not associated with church.

 

I don't understand why a church would throw a shower for a pregnant member, but not for a pregnant woman who has been attending regularly for over a year and who is involved in serving at the church. It seems quite unkind. I understand the hurt or confused feelings. It is like the church leadership is communicating that a woman is welcome to attend and serve the church every week, but is not important enough to warrant a baby shower. How sad. It doesn't sound like a very friendly church to me.

[Trish]

How do they know how long you've been attending if you're not a member? If they started throwing showers for non-members, might that get a little hard to keep track of? In any case I've never heard of the whole church throws a shower concept, it's always been a friend of the family thing for us. If it's that important, why not join? Then at least they'd have your address.

 

Best wishes on the baby!

[Impish]

 

I don't understand why a church would throw a shower for a pregnant member, but not for a pregnant woman who has been attending regularly for over a year and who is involved in serving at the church. It seems quite unkind. I understand the hurt or confused feelings. It is like the church leadership is communicating that a woman is welcome to attend and serve the church every week, but is not important enough to warrant a baby shower. How sad. It doesn't sound like a very friendly church to me.

I can't imagine a church being able to afford to throw a shower for anyone who walked in. I would think, for financial reasons alone, there would have to be some sort of criteria, and it makes sense for it to be limited to those who have made a commitment to being members of the church family.

 

Otherwise, where do you draw the line? Ppl who have attended 6 wks? 6 mths? How many have they missed?

 

Just seems that limiting it to church members makes the most sense, and the easiest determination.

 

Or, they could completely cut it out, so nobody's offended, but that seems really unfair.

[joannqn]

The last church we attended (for 8 years), you'd see shower announcements in the bulletin inviting anyone who wanted to attend. I always felt fiercely jealous reading those shower announcements because I was never given a shower by anyone until my 12 step group gave me one for my 3rd child. Yes, I was a member of the church, and yes I was involved in a ministry in the church. It would be nice if churches celebrated all babies in the same way.

Edited May 29, 2011 by joannqn

[herbalgirl]

I want to respond to more of the replies, but don't have much time now (supper time)

 

We are a military family and our church family here is like family for us since our real family lives way up north. When we started attending 1.5 yrs. ago, this church was meeting in a small office building. They did that for about 8 months-1 year. Around Easter, they moved into the newly built church building, and now there are more attending, but we have met most of the people before. We met all the high profile people, like someone else called them :001_smile:-you know, the pastor, pastor's wife, elders, music leader, nursery leader, etc. They all know us very well. We've been over to the pastor's house and chat with him after church. Our church has a directory of people, complete with a photo of your family, address, phone numbers, and birthdays listed on the sheet. It is in a little binder and everyone has a copy. We are in that binder, with all our information and photo.

 

Our family wasn't going to be listed on a board of military members to pray for, even though we are in the directory. They did reconsider this and now have our photo up.

 

It isn't a huge church at all, maybe 100-150 members?

 

 

How do they know how long you've been attending if you're not a member? If they started throwing showers for non-members, might that get a little hard to keep track of? In any case I've never heard of the whole church throws a shower concept, it's always been a friend of the family thing for us. If it's that important, why not join? Then at least they'd have your address.

 

Best wishes on the baby!

Edited May 29, 2011 by herbalgirl

[herbalgirl]

I also wanted to say that due to us being military, 1.5 years of regular attendance somewhere is a good amount of time in our book, LOL! :D We usually have to move every 2-3 years!

[herbalgirl]

I can't imagine a church being able to afford to throw a shower for anyone who walked in. I would think, for financial reasons alone, there would have to be some sort of criteria, and it makes sense for it to be limited to those who have made a commitment to being members of the church family.

 

Otherwise, where do you draw the line? Ppl who have attended 6 wks? 6 mths? How many have they missed?

 

Just seems that limiting it to church members makes the most sense, and the easiest determination.

 

Or, they could completely cut it out, so nobody's offended, but that seems really unfair.

 

 

It is not so much the *church* that is throwing the shower, it is the people in the church, like the Women in the Church group. They coordinate the shower, send an invite to people in the church and those who want to come, come. People bring food to share, sort of like a light potluck meal. The women who attend pay for their own gift to give to the expectant mom, it isn't a church paying for the gifts thing.

 

I am sorry if I didn't make myself clear on all that. :blushing:

[raceNzanesmom]

Our church no longer gives baby showers. Our senior pastor and his wife felt it was too easy to overlook someone and feelings would get hurt. Instead, they offer the fellowship hall free of charge for anyone that asks to have a shower there, members or regular attendees (1.5 years would be considered regular).

[mom4him]

I voted not sure as the church the kids and I have been going to is small, we haven't been going that long,7-8 months, and there hasn't been a new birth. The one that we used to go to gave baby showers for first babies. If you wanted to host one other than that you could but you were on your own.:tongue_smilie:

[Little Nyssa]

This is a terribly awkward issue. First of all, who is going to know who is a member and who is not? Who is going to decide which pg ladies have enough friends in the church Ladies' society to organize something? And, if it's winter nobody may really notice that someone is pg. And what about families who are in need vs those who are affluent? :confused:

 

Once in my old church in Massachusetts (EO), an expectant couple asked me when their shower was going to be, since they were going to be away and didn't want to miss it. I had never heard of a church having a shower, so I asked Matushka and she said they were usually given by someone's friends in the church, not officially as a church event-- it would just mean having a cake at coffee hour, someone would make an announcement congratulating them, and whoever was planning this could tell people who knew them to bring a gift.

Since this couple were anticipating a shower, and NOT because they were greedy for gifts, they just thought it was the custom, those of us who knew them (not well) quickly threw something together along the lines of what Matushka said, so that they would not be terribly disappointed & sad-- they were newcomers to the U.S. and had very little community here outside the church. This was awkward, because I worried that other pg families would also expect a shower, and what if no one organized it? :confused:

[Impish]

It is not so much the *church* that is throwing the shower, it is the people in the church, like the Women in the Church group. They coordinate the shower, send an invite to people in the church and those who want to come, come. People bring food to share, sort of like a light potluck meal. The women who attend pay for their own gift to give to the expectant mom, it isn't a church paying for the gifts thing.

 

I am sorry if I didn't make myself clear on all that. :blushing:

But the ppl of the church would still be financially responsible for doing all of this, and I can't imagine how taxing that would be if they did it for everyone that walked through the door.

 

I still think limiting it to members is the only reasonable thing for them to do.

[5kidsforME]

Our church doesn't give baby showers for anyone. Off to read the thread now...

[catz]

A gift related shower for anything after a first baby would be weird in these parts at all and our church doesn't do showers. But they regularly do baby drives for low income families to get supplies to donate and they do a celebration of new lives once monthly where there's a reception afterward and the entire congregation can welcome the newbie. You need only sign up to participate with your baby. I like this approach quite a bit actually.

 

A party to celebrate the mother or to welcome the new baby would be fine though would be more "normal" around here.

 

Honestly, this wouldn't bother me at all. I'd be surprised if your closest friends there won't acknowledge the baby in some way - with a meal or a small gift perhaps?

 

Congratulations!

[SweetBean]

I just got home from my baby shower for our fourth child, although it is the first baby we have had since we started attending the church one year ago. It was a complete surprise to me. I wasn't expecting a shower for a fourth baby, and they sort of commodered the church's memorial day picnic, and turned it into a church wide baby shower; men, women, kids, everyone was there. I'm told it was the pastor's idea. We are members of the church, but I don't honestly know what the policy is (member/regular attenders).

 

Congratulations on your baby!

[farmwife]

Our church only gives baby showers for first time moms. I have been a member for 7 years and in that time have had 4 children. They have never thrown me a baby shower but I have attended many showers that our church hosted for members and non-members. They are always for first time moms.

 

However, our church does bring meals for any new moms. The women sign up and bring a new mom a meal each day for about 7 days. It is a wonderful blessing and much better than a baby shower. ;)

[specialmama]

 

However, our church does bring meals for any new moms. The women sign up and bring a new mom a meal each day for about 7 days. It is a wonderful blessing and much better than a baby shower. ;)

 

Our church does this for the first 2 weeks and I agree, it's a wonderful blessing... although I'm now short 3 casserole dishes. :tongue_smilie:

[jentancalann]

Our church does a shower for the mother's first child born in our church, whether it's the first or fifth child. Members' showers are always done by their S.S. class. Regular attenders are assigned to a ss class whether they attend ss or not. If they attend, it is much more likely they'll have a shower. If they don't attend, then it is really just up to someone to take the initiative and to remember do it. Does that make sense?

[Impish]

Our church does this for the first 2 weeks and I agree, it's a wonderful blessing... although I'm now short 3 casserole dishes. :tongue_smilie:

Better get some more...:tongue_smilie: