My husband bought me diamond earrings for Mother's Day!

[nmoira]

Then go to the mall and get them pierced? I dunno, I'd be happy! Heck, my dh is off today at a baseball game leaving me home alone., If he gave me earings i'd be thrilled

And if you received, say, nipple rings or something else you'd assume your SO would/should know you have no interest in? Gorgeous diamond nipple rings. Would you still run out and get pierced?

 

ETA: I've got nothing against them... know people with them, just trying to come up with an example above the waist of something many are squeamish about.

Edited May 8, 2011 by nmoira

[Love2Smile]

And if you received, say, nipple rings or something else you'd assume your SO would/should know you have no interest in? Gorgeous diamond nipple rings. Would you still run out and get pierced?

Yeah, I'd get them pierced, maybe it would spice up the bedroom! Why not?

[plain jane]

Well I apologize if I sounded harsh, maybe there is something going on in your marriage that I am unaware of. sorry

 

No need to apologize and attack my marriage. :confused:

 

Dh is not good at hearing what I say when I mean no gifts :tongue_smilie: and that hurts but it doesn't define who we are as a couple nor will I allow it to ruin this day, which will go on like most every other day does. :)

 

Sometimes a girl just needs to vent and know that someone out there understands. Life's too short to dwell on stuff like this for too long so I got it out of my system when nobody else is home to be witness to it. ;)

 

As for the earrings, well, I'm not about to get my ears pierced today (or any other day) so perhaps there's an AG doll laying around that would enjoy them.

[Love2Smile]

No need to apologize and attack my marriage. :confused:

 

Dh is not good at hearing what I say when I mean no gifts :tongue_smilie: and that hurts but it doesn't define who we are as a couple nor will I allow it to ruin this day, which will go on like most every other day does. :)

 

Sometimes a girl just needs to vent and know that someone out there understands. Life's too short to dwell on stuff like this for too long so I got it out of my system when nobody else is home to be witness to it. ;)

 

As for the earrings, well, I'm not about to get my ears pierced today (or any other day) so perhaps there's an AG doll laying around that would enjoy them.

That was NOT an attack on your marriage hun...sometimes there is more to the story and in your case there seems to be that's all. Like I said, I'd be thrilled, but that's just me, carry on!

[coffeefreak]

Jane,

:grouphug:

You are perfectly normal and right.

Happy Mother's day!

Dorinda

[LG Gone Wild]

Oh...just return them! Then take the money, kids, and husband and shop for something you do want.

 

There was another poster here whose husband kept buying her last minute perfume gifts that she could not stand. So, you are not alone!

[Plucky]

Oh...just return them! Then take the money, kids, and husband and shop for something you do want.

 

There was another poster here whose husband kept buying her last minute perfume gifts that she could not stand. So, you are not alone!

 

Exactly! Start planning your own Mother's Day. Plan things you like to do with the kids, set them up with paper and crayons to make a card, and get yourself the gift you want. You can train your kids to celebrate MD the way you like it. You are their mother. :grouphug:

[Julie Smith]

My hubby has also given me gifts that make me go :confused: . But they are never that expensive.

 

Once he was so excited telling me that he got me something I'll love and was just perfect for me. It was ... 3, 24 packs of 3 minute noodles.

 

Happily when he buys me something that makes me go :confused::glare: it never costs that much money.

[Rivka]

WOW, sorry but you sound so ungrateful! I'd be thrilled if my husband bought me such a gift! Soooo start wearing earings then, slapped in the face? im speechless

 

For me, a big part of what makes a present wonderful is feeling known. Like, someone thought about me and what I would like. Not just that they spent a lot of money.

 

This is a gift which, while extravagant in price, did not make the OP feel known. Sometimes it really is better to get no gift at all than to get a gift that screams that the giver didn't take your individual personality and tastes into consideration.

[regentrude]

They're sad and embarrassed not to have a gift for me. :(

 

If they care so much, they could have made you something.

[blakereese]

I know how you feel. I do think men have been conditioned to think that jewelry=awesome gift. This brainwashing overrides anything they know about their spouse. :glare:

 

I have taken back dozens of gifts over the years, and all of it was jewelry. Everything was nice, but it was just not me. And I felt oh-so-guilty at the price tag (just think of how many bills we could pay with this!! I know, lame...can't help it :D). And then finally my lifestyle...I have been a SAHM for 8 years, I can't imagine why I would need expensive jewelry. It just doesn't go with my yoga pants and tee shirt. :tongue_smilie:

 

In the beginning I didn't want to hurt my DH's feelings by taking things back, but I finally realized that it was better than having something so expensive just sit in a box. It took him YEARS to get it, in fact this year is the first time that he kept it simple and didn't go crazy. Last year when he was UNEMPLOYED he bought me a tennis bracelet for our anniversary. I was like :001_huh:. I think he was almost happy when I said we could return it, but I guess he had that husband guilt or the deBeers commercials were kicking in...LOL.

 

So anyway, I understand the hurt feelings that come from this. My friends all say I am spoiled and ungrateful, but that is not the case. I would rather him buy something like my favorite candy bar for $1 (which I would love) than buy something for hundreds of dollars that is not me and seems to have no thought put into it. I feel like a jewelry salesman chose my gift and that hurts. I tell him this every year and I think he gets it, but he has slipped back many many times. It isn't intentional, he really thinks he is doing the right thing, but it still upsets me.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm sure your DH had good intentions. I hope you can still have a nice day.

[blakereese]

For me, a big part of what makes a present wonderful is feeling known. Like, someone thought about me and what I would like. Not just that they spent a lot of money.

 

This is a gift which, while extravagant in price, did not make the OP feel known. Sometimes it really is better to get no gift at all than to get a gift that screams that the giver didn't take your individual personality and tastes into consideration.

 

:iagree::iagree: I should have read all of the posts first. This is exactly what I was trying to say. Exactly.

[QueenCat]

My beef with all of this today is that this is MOTHER's Day and when I grew up it was the kids who did the gift giving to mom not the husband. I understand appreciating the mother of his kids and all of that but the bottom line to me is that I don't expect a gift from my hubby on MOther's Day - just the kids.

 

 

That probably varied from house to house. My dad always bought my mom a Mother's Day gift, along with flowers. My sister and I made her cards and bought small gifts too.

[QueenCat]

:grouphug:s to you. Wish I had answers. I do suggest you wait until you've calmed down to talk to him.

[scrapbookbuzz]

Let's be real here. MOST men are not the scripted romantics we read about in novels or see in the movies. There's a movie I really enjoy, called Duplicity, which is a romantic comedy and there is one in line in there that, every time I hear it, I think to myself, "No guy in real life would ever say that." The guy (played by Clive Owen) is trying to tell Julia Roberts' character how much he loves her. The cheesy line he says is, "I think about you all the time. I think about you even when I'm with you." He says it with complete sincerity and it sounds so romantic in the movie. But most guys IRL (in real life) are just not that "with it."

 

Jane, I understand your disappointment in that he was obviously clueless when you told him directly what you wanted this year and he obviously did not make the effort to follow through with that. My husband did that to me one year for Christmas. I gave him a list of 3 long Post It notes-sized paper with what I wanted. Two days before Christmas he says, "The kids and I are going shopping at Big Lots." Mmmhmmm. Nothing on my list was at Big Lots.

 

It doesn't make the hurt go away, I know, but know that we all "get it." :grouphug:

[GoldenMolly]

I understand about not feeling appreciated, but if he didn't get you something would you really have been okay with that either? My guess is that he thought if he didn't buy something he would be the bad guy. If he did not get a gift I would guess that you would still be just as disappointed, if not more so. I have learned that most men just don't get it, we end up feeling hurt that they don't do what we would like, even when we tell them, and they feel like their effort is unappreciated and wonder why they even try. Why they don't just do what we ask is beyond me. We are left feeling like the bad guy for wanting a little thanks in a meaningful way. It doesn't usually end well.

Long ago we just agreed to not get gifts for me and I can buy what I want without feeling guilty about the splurge AND I get what I really want. If you want to make it more family oriented take the family with you when you pick it out. I set my expectations low and take care of it myself so I don't end up feeling the way you do today. But then again I am a bit of a controller. LOL

If your kids really feel that bad about it and they know you just want something handmade or that could be done at home they could certainly do it on their own. I think they are just picking up on your disappointment. We all have our moments of feeling sorry for ourselves and the reality of motherhood being a thankless job takes its toll especially on the one day that we are supposed to have recognition:grouphug:

 

(Tone is always hard to pick up on online so please know that I am not judging or trying to be harsh. I have been there and will be again so I totally understand the hurt feelings but try to look to the effort-I am sure he loves you dearly and that is what really counts:001_smile:)

 

Molly

[OnTheBrink]

I understand how you feel. I once got a satellite dish for my birthday. Did I want a satellite dish? Nope. It was on sale and he bought it, then tried to make it my birthday gift. :glare:

 

On our first Valentines' day, I was told I'd get candy the next day when it was at half-price.

 

I got a $7K sewing machine after he spent the summer cheating on me in front of my face.

 

So yeah, thoughtless gifts hurt more than no gift at all. :grouphug:

[BakersDozen]

I understand how you feel. I once got a satellite dish for my birthday. Did I want a satellite dish? Nope. It was on sale and he bought it, then tried to make it my birthday gift. :glare:

 

 

ugh! My dh made the mistake of getting me lingerie for Mother's Day once. I glared at him, closed the box and told him that could be his anniversary present (which wasn't for another 8 months) and he'd better never do that to me again.

 

To the OP...I'm sorry. I would feel exactly as you do.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Sorry you were disappointed OP. Maybe you can take them back and use the money for something you'd like better?

[Teachin'Mine]

Just buy him some tampons for Father's Day. After all, you don't have pierced ears and he doesn't have a vagina ;)

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

 

Jane :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I agree with returning the earrings - your ears aren't pierced. Then you can take that money and go shopping with the children. Give them some to surprise you with what they pick out for you.

Edited May 8, 2011 by Teachin'Mine

[unsinkable]

Wow. You guys are a tough crowd.

 

I'd trade them for something you prefer.

 

Sounds like there are much bigger issues at work.

 

:iagree:

 

My love language is words of affirmation. So you could hand me a box of cow manure as a gift, but if you said the right words to EXPLAIN how much you loved me and that the cow manure represented that love, I'd swoon.

 

If fact, you could actually skip the box of cow manure, and EXPLAIN that the cow manure store was closed, but that you WANTED to get me some because the cow manure represented how much you loved me, I'd still swoon.

[Amy in NH]

Did you ask him about them?

 

Maybe he *wishes* you would wear earrings? That you would wear them if you had the *right* ones?

 

 

:iagree:

 

I don't wear earrings either, because I don't have the right pair. I can't wear cheapo stuff because my ears break out and become infected. I'd love a pair of little studs that I could keep in all the time. I had that nice pair of simple gold balls for a year before one got broken, and that's all the earrings I've worn in the past 10 years. The balls were a gift from my dh.

 

If you have pierced ears anyway, would it pain you to wear them? Maybe he thought they'd look nice on you.

[justamouse]

It's no wonder guys can't understand women. :D

[BatmansWife]

I'm starting to wonder if they were for his girlfriend and he got the boxes mixed up :001_huh:

 

 

He has a girlfriend??

Hopefully that was a joke.

 

 

He was out shopping late yesterday. :rolleyes:

It's not about the gift, it's really just the lack of thought.

 

 

Too bad you got pierced earrings and your ears aren't even pierced. That is a bit of an odd gift. But....I have to say that in reading this I feel a little bit jealous. "He was out shopping"...and the shopping was for *you*. *sigh* See...to me, that is sweet. That *is* thoughtful. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. Once (yes...*once*) he bought me flowers as a surprise. That was about 24 years ago. He never buys me anything. In fact, our last 3 anniversaries (the last one being our 25th), he's never even said a word to me about it. :crying: Talk about feeling hurt. And, talk about issues.

 

Well, anyway, one thing is for sure. If you decide to get your ears pierced and wear your new diamond earrings.....you're gonna have to change your user name. :001_smile:

Edited May 8, 2011 by ~AprilMay~

[annandatje]

Holy Guacamole! I can't understand half of these posts. A man buys you expensive earrings on Mother's Day, and you seem totally ungrateful. How old are the kids? Why do they feel so bad, are they old enough to draw you a card or say 'I love you' without their dad's help? Is Mother's Day really that important? It's one silly day marketers set aside to make more money off of those who think spending money on someone will make them happier, imo. ...Take the darn things back and buy something that makes you happy, or give them away to someone who can enjoy them! Venting, to me, makes you seem awfully petty minded. If you love your family, go give them a hug ....)

:iagree:

 

My motto is: avoid disappointment by giving explicit written instructions, along with periodic reminders, of what you want, if anything, and how you want to celebrate (or not celebrate) the holiday.

 

For the most part we ignore holidays. For those that coincide with time off work, we tweak them into our own celebration, i.e., Christmas becomes a Solstice celebration, Easter a spring celebration, etc.

 

P.S. I received the same pair of grey tailored slacks on two different occasions from my husband - same brand, same store. I laughed it off and exchanged 2nd pair for a different color. Actually I wore the grey slacks at least once a week for months before he bought the 2nd identical pair.

Edited May 8, 2011 by annandatje

[Joanne]

{{{plain jane}}}

 

I'd feel *dis*honored, angry and underappreciated.

 

The most expensive gift in the world can be an epic fail unless it is specific to the person - especially on a day that is designed to honor that person. It's like a stranger performing a funeral, wedding, rehearsal dinner.

 

I hope your DH is on top of everthing else important and that this is incongruent with the rest of his MO.

[Julie Smith]

A man buys you expensive earrings on Mother's Day, and you seem totally ungrateful.

 

To some people expensive earrings are so not a appropriate gift. I would prefer almost anything to expensive earrings. I would even prefer nothing to earrings. Just because some woman would like it doesn't mean every woman would. The OP felt bad because she feels the gift isn't her style at all, and feels her dh should have know it.

[Heather in WI]

WOW, sorry but you sound so ungrateful! Slapped in the face? I'm speechless

 

If they care so much, they could have made you something.

 

:iagree:

 

Sorry, but this seems like a violation of:

 

No Spouse Bashing

 

The Internet (and this site in particular) is not the appropriate place to complain about your husband (or wife) or to ask for marital counseling. Call a friend instead.

 

 

I'm sorry you don't like your present. I've gotten many presents in the past that I haven't felt were ... the most wonderful, perfect present ever. I wouldn't dream of going online to tell everyone how horrible my thoughtless gift giver was.

[nono]

To some people expensive earrings are so not a appropriate gift.

 

Yeah, I'd have had a coronary. (I'm the one that handles all our money.)

[Mesa]

I never get anything for my birthday, christmas, anniversary, mothers day etc etc.

Sometimes it bothers me yes... I'd like to be surprised with flowers. My husband does do a lot of other little things to show me how much he cares. Like today, I'm sick in bed and he made me strawberries and whipped cream to snack on while me and my dd who is also sick watched Tangled. How sweet was that.

 

I'm sorry your Mothers Day wasnt nice....

[ereks mom]

It's not too late for your kids! I might be weird in this, but I actually prefer my kids to make me something for Mother's Day. I want pictures I can tape to my closet. I want the homemade (cold by the time they get to me) crepes. I want a few weeds dug up in the garden. I want a foot massage. I don't necessarily want more *stuff*. For our family, it's about celebrating each other. Yes, it's artificially induced hallmark celebration--that's why I don't really want the stakes very high.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: YES!! :001_smile:

[Delighted3]

Too bad you got pierced earrings and your ears aren't even pierced. That is a bit of an odd gift. But....I have to say that in reading this I feel a little bit jealous. "He was out shopping"...and the shopping was for *you*. *sigh* See...to me, that is sweet. That *is* thoughtful. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. Once (yes...*once*) he bought me flowers as a surprise. That was about 24 years ago. He never buys me anything. In fact, our last 3 anniversaries (the last one being our 25th), he's never even said a word to me about it. :crying: Talk about feeling hurt. And, talk about issues.

 

Unfortunately, this is how my husband is too.

Joy

[annandatje]

Do none of you ever forget your own anniversary?

 

On the eve of our 31st anniversary, my husband asked me what day tomorrow was. I replied with the day of the week. He responded, "No, I mean what day is it?" I told him the date. Finally he relented and reminded me that it was our 31st anniversary.

[Guest momk2000]

I'm lucky when my dh comes up with a card, I would be thrilled to receive a gift, even of something I would never use. :glare:

[mmasmommy]

Do none of you ever forget your own anniversary?

 

On the eve of our 31st anniversary, my husband asked me what day tomorrow was. I replied with the day of the week. He responded, "No, I mean what day is it?" I told him the date. Finally he relented and reminded me that it was our 31st anniversary.

 

No, I can't imagine forgetting our anniversary (13 years tomorrow!) and I really don't understand how anyone could forget such an important day in their lives.

 

If I forgot our anniversary I'd also have to forget DS bday, he was born the same day 5 years later. :001_smile:

[Slartibartfast]

My dh never knows what to get for me either.

 

:grouphug:

 

He is probably just hopeless.

 

My dh always buys me the strangest things I would never even consider. I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling bad about it. I do feel bad when my husband buys me weird stuff cause it seems like he doesn't even know me. Now that we are broke and he isn't really buying me stuff I don't mind. I just don't like getting things I can't use, would never want, don't really like ect. It is the waste and feeling obligated to keep it because it was a gift.

Edited May 8, 2011 by Sis

[Julie Smith]

Do none of you ever forget your own anniversary?

 

On the eve of our 31st anniversary, my husband asked me what day tomorrow was. I replied with the day of the week. He responded, "No, I mean what day is it?" I told him the date. Finally he relented and reminded me that it was our 31st anniversary.

 

I have never remembered our wedding anniversary. Not once, and we have been married for several years. We got married at the end of June, of July in the year 2001? or was it 2002? It could have been 2000. I would ask my dh, but he wouldn't know.

[Word Nerd]

Well as long as we're whining: I didn't get anything--not even a "Happy Mother's Day!"

[newbie]

Well as long as we're whining: I didn't get anything--not even a "Happy Mother's Day!"

 

I thought I was president of this club. I seriously think Mothers Day gets worse every year. :glare:

[Love2Smile]

:iagree:

 

My love language is words of affirmation. So you could hand me a box of cow manure as a gift, but if you said the right words to EXPLAIN how much you loved me and that the cow manure represented that love, I'd swoon.

 

If fact, you could actually skip the box of cow manure, and EXPLAIN that the cow manure store was closed, but that you WANTED to get me some because the cow manure represented how much you loved me, I'd still swoon.

LOL, My love language is "physical touch" so a big hug is the best gift for me! But I would not turn down the earings!

[Slartibartfast]

:iagree:

 

My love language is words of affirmation. So you could hand me a box of cow manure as a gift, but if you said the right words to EXPLAIN how much you loved me and that the cow manure represented that love, I'd swoon.

 

If fact, you could actually skip the box of cow manure, and EXPLAIN that the cow manure store was closed, but that you WANTED to get me some because the cow manure represented how much you loved me, I'd still swoon.

 

That's me too :lol:

[Love2Smile]

:iagree:

Holy Guacamole! I can't understand half of these posts. A man buys you expensive earrings on Mother's Day, and you seem totally ungrateful. How old are the kids? Why do they feel so bad, are they old enough to draw you a card or say 'I love you' without their dad's help? Is Mother's Day really that important? It's one silly day marketers set aside to make more money off of those who think spending money on someone will make them happier, imo. It sounds like you have other underlying issues with dh.

Take the darn things back and buy something that makes you happy, or give them away to someone who can enjoy them! Venting, to me, makes you seem awfully petty minded. If you love your family, go give them a hug and thank God they're there.

 

(I mean this sincerely, no snark intended.)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Slartibartfast]

Ya know, it seems like you have a lot invested in this thread and jumping all over the OP.

 

Maybe if you disagree with the OP so much you should just move on with something else.

[Joy at Home]

Well as long as we're whining: I didn't get anything--not even a "Happy Mother's Day!"

:grouphug:

[mommymilkies]

:iagree: with Dot. I can't imagine being ungrateful for diamonds. Sure, it's weird that you don't wear earrings and it's a little exasperating to see them out last minute trying to find *anything* for a gift. But my dh has never, ever, ever given me anything for Mother's Day. Not even a card. I think if he got me diamond earrings, or if we had enough money to even make that sort of purchase possible, then I would feel very grateful, indeed.

[nmoira]

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

I think it's safe to say you've made your feelings known. Is there a particular reason you see the need to pile on?

 

Jane, you have every right to feel hurt and disappointed. You're under no obligation to feel gratitude just because a man has deigned to buy you something. Sheesh. I hope that you've managed turn your day around, and please know that some of us don't think it's your duty to feign delight, or anything for that matter.

Edited May 8, 2011 by nmoira
Spelling

[Joy at Home]

Beautiful, stunning, white gold with diamonds in the middle. They're really quite nice.

 

Thing is, I don't wear earrings. :glare: I haven't worn a single pair in 10 years. :crying:

 

I'm starting to wonder if they were for his girlfriend and he got the boxes mixed up :001_huh: or if he was really *that* desperate with the last minute shopping. :001_huh:

 

I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. :crying: I hate Mother's Day.

 

Dh gets me perfume and jewelry for Christmas every year, even though I never wear either. Poor guy. He tries. And he's always glad when my kids give suggestions.

 

Some men struggle with gift giving. We're different animals entirely. I do think it's thoughtful he bought you something, even if it's something completely wrong for you:grouphug:

[BatmansWife]

P.S. I received the same pair of grey tailored slacks on two different occasions from my husband - same brand, same store. I laughed it off and exchanged 2nd pair for a different color. Actually I wore the grey slacks at least once a week for months before he bought the 2nd identical pair.

 

:lol:

 

Unfortunately, this is how my husband is too.

Joy

 

Awww...:grouphug::grouphug:

Do none of you ever forget your own anniversary?

 

I'd be happy if the reason was because he forgot that it was our anniversary. But, that's not the case. He knows fully well what day we got married. When our anniversary day comes around....he knows what day it is.

[UnsinkableKristen]

 

My motto is: avoid disappointment by giving explicit written instructions, along with periodic reminders, of what you want, if anything, and how you want to celebrate (or not celebrate) the holiday.

.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I have yet to be disappointed for any holiday (Valentines Day, Mother's Day, Birthday) because I tell my DH how I'd like to spend the day and then I usually buy my own present/send my own flowers as well :D. DH is grateful because he doesn't have to do the guesswork tightrope walk of choosing something that is both appropriate and personal enough, and instead just makes sure that I know I'm loved on those days and helps out extra with the kids and house - which he is much better at. It works for us and we both are very happy with the arrangement.

 

It has never made sense to me to expect a spouse (or anyone, really) to magically know that something is important to you without telling and reminding them.

 

OP, I know you made your preferences known and :grouphug:. Maybe you can just roll your eyes and smile, return them, and use the money to get some really nice pictures made of the family like you wanted in the first place :001_smile:

[Joanne]

:iagree:

 

 

I'm sorry you don't like your present. I've gotten many presents in the past that I haven't felt were ... the most wonderful, perfect present ever. I wouldn't dream of going online to tell everyone how horrible my thoughtless gift giver was.

 

 

It seems clear to me the OP was hurting. I would have felt the same way, and possbily sought support and understanding.