Jean in Newcastle Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 cash or clothing for a 4 year old's birthday party, but NO TOYS, would it be rebellious to get her a book? I know they are committing a social gaff but at the same time I want to get something the child might actually like while not ticking off the parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Isn't a party where you take what you want to take?? It's a gift, right? You don't tell others what to get you... (well, for a registry you do... but no one HAS to do it that way :)) I think telling others what to do... is rude... and taking a gift at all... is kind :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I would definitely get a book in that case. It satisfies the "no toys" requirement, which is probably the main concern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Isn't a party where you take what you want to take?? It's a gift, right? You don't tell others what to get you... (well, for a registry you do... but no one HAS to do it that way :)) I think telling others what to do... is rude... and taking a gift at all... is kind :) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I would talk to the parents. There may be a specific reason why they are asking this and you do not want to over step that.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 What about a gift certificate to a bookstore? That's like cash...right?!?! What 4 year old wants clothes anyway:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 Yes. Does that mean "yes, it is rebellious"? or "yes, do it"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I would give either a book or a toy unless it is someone you are close to and know their reason for only wanting cash/clothes (as in, if they can't afford to buy their own clothes then yes, I would honor the request). Otherwise, I think it's horribly rude for someone to tell a guest what sort of gift to buy, unless the guest specifically ask (and then, of course, the guest is not actually obligated to buy a gift that was suggested). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 What about a gift certificate to a bookstore? That's like cash...right?!?! What 4 year old wants clothes anyway:confused: Mine. ETA: She has clothing, but I do think she'd prefer getting a cute dress over most anything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I hate to say this, but I generally get what I want to bring as a gift, regardless. I think it would be nice if you could find out if they need clothes, or if perhaps they're hoping to get something special with the money, like a swing set. If you think they just don't want more toys, I'd take a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 It is a Filipino family that we just met at the park. My dd played with the little girl once. I'm suspecting that they mainly don't want toys because they might have too many. But I obviously don't really know the family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 cash or clothing for a 4 year old's birthday party, but NO TOYS, would it be rebellious to get her a book? I know they are committing a social gaff but at the same time I want to get something the child might actually like while not ticking off the parents. It would probably be all right as long as you hand some cash over with the book! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjgrubbs Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I think it is extremely rude to ask for cash unless you are giving a reason, such as wanting to make a big purchase, swing set etc. The only other exception is when a child asks for a certain type of gift because they are planning to use their gifts for a charity. So they ask for Toys for Tots or books for soem other charity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 It is a Filipino family that we just met at the park. My dd played with the little girl once. I'm suspecting that they mainly don't want toys because they might have too many. But I obviously don't really know the family! If we were the family making the request (though we wouldn't ask for money or gift cards), it would be because: 1. we have too many toys 2. we struggle with prioritizing play time vs. school time 3. the kids need clothes but we don't have much money 4. we don't care for some of the toys that often are given 5. educational toys would be great, but often people don't want to give them, or wouldn't know which ones we want/need 6. we want to help our kids move on in terms of the age level/difficulty level of the toys they play with (or where we see they will need to be moving into soon, similar to buying clothes a size up, rather than a size they are wearing and have plenty of now). most people wouldn't really know what they need to do that, and would just get what might be considered appropriate for where they are *now* If it were me, I'd ask for clothes, books, non-electronic toys, non-noise making toys, puzzles, games, etc... otherwise, no toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 What about a gift certificate to a bookstore? That's like cash...right?!?! What 4 year old wants clothes anyway:confused: Mine. ETA: She has clothing, but I do think she'd prefer getting a cute dress over most anything else. :iagree: My dd wanted clothes when she turned 4. At that point she still liked dresses and she loved Winnie-the-Pooh, so she wanted WtP clothes and purple dresses! :D If you really want to get a book, I agree with the poster who said to get a gift card to a book store! Or ask them if a book would be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 If we were the family making the request (though we wouldn't ask for money or gift cards), it would be because:1. we have too many toys This may be the main reason..they don't want a house overfilled with toys. I wish our kids' grandparents would stop sending toys that almost never work out unless we helped pick them. I much prefer gift cards, not because I'm cash greedy, but because I am trying make some progress with decluttering the house. At least with a gift card we can pick out something that will for sure work for our kids. And regarding parties - I have tried "no gifts please" parties and everyone brought a gift anyway. These people may just really not want any more toys, may have a house overflowing with books already, and not believe people would honor a no-gifts request, and also realize they won't be able to convince everyone to go pick out clothes. Gift cards are great. I would respect their wishes, and want to give them what they would appreciate the most - so I would bring a gift card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 If I was asked to bring either cash or clothes I'd probably honor the request. If I was told to bring either cash or clothes I'd probably a)not go or b) get a book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 (edited) How about a book about clothes!:D P.S. They specifically said cash. Does that rule out or include gift cards? And this is a stereotype but having married into a huge Filipino family with lots of Filipino friends, I very much doubt that their house is overrun with books. That's partly why I want to get her a book. Not to force my preferences on others but to perhaps provide this child a new way of getting enjoyment. Edited April 16, 2011 by Jean in Newcastle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 It is a Filipino family that we just met at the park. My dd played with the little girl once. I'm suspecting that they mainly don't want toys because they might have too many. But I obviously don't really know the family! In that case - do you know that the older family members read English well enough for a book to be of use? If it were a kid old enough to be reading independently, I'd feel different. But how much fun is it to get a book and then have no one willing/able to read it to you? Maybe a Carl book or something similar where reading isn't necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 If I just met them I wouldn't challenge their request. I'd get a nice article of clothing and wait until I knew them better before I started stretching what they say to fit me. If I knew them, then I'd know if a book would be an acceptable exception, if you know what I mean ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Am I the only one that is completely taken aback by this sort of request? I mean...I'd rather say, "Good wishes only, please." than to ask ppl for clothes or cash. Completely different when ppl *call* and ask, what would be a good idea...but to ask for clothes or cash just strikes me as tacky. I was always told that a gift isn't expected, its a lovely gesture...not something to be demanded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I would probably get some cute tights and add a little book. :) I always give books, but I also love little toddler tights. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I'd get a gift card. IT is like cash. Get one to a local book store or something. I don't know them but gads to specifically ask people for cash? Really?I am dirt poor and have never asked for cash for gifts. Just doesn't seem right. Just my .05 on it. (I adjust for inflation :P) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I would get her a book and a shirt or other item of clothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 cash or clothing for a 4 year old's birthday party, but NO TOYS, would it be rebellious to get her a book? I know they are committing a social gaff but at the same time I want to get something the child might actually like while not ticking off the parents. Give her a pretty card with 4 dollars...one for each year. My 4yo niece that 4 of her very own dollars was fantastic. But it's also a family tradition, so no one was ticked off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I do think that their request was rude, but I would honor their wishes anyway. I like the idea of a card with four dollars in it -- one for each year of age. I'd probably pair it with a nice summer dress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nrg Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 A cute apron with craft items like fancy pens and crayons in the pocket is "clothing." AN awesome hat with sunglasses is clothing, too. A t-shirt with a matching cloth bag with a book in it is also clothing. Fancy socks with clever stuff sewn on, skates, lots of thing may be called clothing. I would just define clothing very loosely and cooperate with the mom. Relaz and have fun with it. Be happy on somebody's birthday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Does that mean "yes, it is rebellious"? or "yes, do it"? Yes, it is rebellious. I'd rebel a little more and not go. I just can't bend to the will of gift grabbers, but I also wouldn't try to go around their (stupid) rules. There are those who will say, "Why should the child suffer for his parent's rudeness?" I say, "If one less gift leads to suffering, then there's a lesson somewhere in there." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 The "no toys" request actually makes sense to me, but that's because our house is SO small. We honestly don't have room for more stuff, and the toys they do have get put in the basement and "rotated up." Another factor is that my husband and I despise certain toys. :tongue_smilie:Does it include a half-naked, seductive image of a female Disney character? My husband will not allow it in the house. Does it make noises -- lots of loud, annoying noises? Is it an electronic, push-a-button-to-make-it-go, unimaginative toy? We don't do those. We feel that numerous, small children make enough of their own noises. :001_huh: My twins are four years old, and they LOVE new clothes! :D If I were in your shoes, I would put more emphasis on the new relationship and less on the gift. Get the little girl a nice spring/summer outfit or a "pretty princess" costume (it's clothing you play in ;) [sneaky]), go to the party, and be a friend. That's what matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Am I the only one that is completely taken aback by this sort of request? I mean...I'd rather say, "Good wishes only, please." than to ask ppl for clothes or cash. Completely different when ppl *call* and ask, what would be a good idea...but to ask for clothes or cash just strikes me as tacky. I was always told that a gift isn't expected, its a lovely gesture...not something to be demanded. No, you're not the only one. Especially as this is someone she's apparently just played with once at the park, and not an actual close friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KellyKelley Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 What 4 year old wants clothes anyway:confused: Mine did. She was still 4 when she asked her daddy to take her shopping for clothes in Paris. Every wardrobe change in this house is full of drama including bed time. I have actually told people not to buy toys too becasue we have several family members that buy for our children in excess and I don't have room for it. I don't mean one or maybe two things I mean more than one Wal-Mart sack full per kid and usually 3+ sacks full of yard sale and dollar tree stuff. If you are in doubt ask if a particular book is good or if there is anything the child really wants or needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I think a book would be fine. I am of the opinion that it is never okay to ask someone to give cash at a birthday party. "No toys" wouldn't bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 :blink: I'm thinking a book sounds like a really good idea. In particular, this one: There's actually a doll that goes with it. You should buy that, too.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 If you decide to go with a book, may I please suggest The Gift of Nothing? http://www.giftofnothing.com/book/story.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 It would probably be all right as long as you hand some cash over with the book!:D This is what I was thinking. In that situation, I would probably buy a lovely book appropriate for the child's age and gender (and interests, if you know them) and wrap it up with a $5 or $10 bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 :blink: I'm thinking a book sounds like a really good idea. In particular, this one: There's actually a doll that goes with it. You should buy that, too.:D :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5: I love it! I ended up buying a cute shorts/t-shirt set. My dd9 was appalled that I was thinking of "disobeying" the instructions on the invitation;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I ended up buying a cute shorts/t-shirt set. My dd9 was appalled that I was thinking of "disobeying" the instructions on the invitation;) I hope you took the opportunity to explain how rude it was of the parent to specify on the invitation what kind of gift to give, for goodness' sake. Honestly, Miss Manners must weep into her pillow every night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinMarie123 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5: I love it! I ended up buying a cute shorts/t-shirt set. My dd9 was appalled that I was thinking of "disobeying" the instructions on the invitation;) Wow, they were printed instructions?! I knew someone with weird (meaning no) etiquette in that area. Knew her for a couple months and then in November starts giving me gift ideas for what to get her kids for Christmas. Ding dong! Newsflash! I'm not getting your kids presents! Sorry - didn't mean to go on a tangent. Did you like this lady you met at the park? Did you teach your daughter that requesting what to receive as a gift when you're not asked is incredibly tacky? Just wondering! People are strange! :-) (Yes, I'm a person, too...but still!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 Wow, they were printed instructions?! I knew someone with weird (meaning no) etiquette in that area. Knew her for a couple months and then in November starts giving me gift ideas for what to get her kids for Christmas. Ding dong! Newsflash! I'm not getting your kids presents! Sorry - didn't mean to go on a tangent. Did you like this lady you met at the park? Did you teach your daughter that requesting what to receive as a gift when you're not asked is incredibly tacky? Just wondering! People are strange! :-) (Yes, I'm a person, too...but still!) I actually only met the girl and the mom when they came to the house to drop off the invitation. My dd and son had met the mom and girl at the park without me present. I got the impression that they were more "forward" than usual in giving us an invitation because they were so happy to find another Filipino family in the neighborhood (or part Filipino family anyway since dh is Filipino and I'm not). I have not said anything to dd yet regarding the etiquette aspect. She's nine, but I still can't totally trust her not to blurt out my opinion to the people in question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I sort of get why people would think its rude to ask specifically for what you want but at the same time.....I think we live in times where we can all pretty much go out and get what we actually want- we generally don't "need" anything. And unfortunately, we all tend to end up with so much clutter and junk- especially our kids. I dont look forward to Christmases or birthday presents any more because most of the time...I really dont want more stuff, and its unlikely people I don't know very well- that includes extended family- would buy me stuff I wont want to give away in the next few months. I think there is a move towards asking for what we want and its not really a bad thing- but I also understand it does seem a bit tacky because we are supposed to just accept what we get and leave it up to the person. But in these days of junk and clutter- I am not sure that its such a bad idea to be specific. One would hope that if the parent was asking specifically....that the child was actually getting what they want rather than what the parent wants, however. I have taken to giving money to my kids' friends because the alternative is to rush out and buy something they may or may not like ro value- wheras most kids do appreciate money. My dd16 however loves to gift shop and takes her time buying something special and well thought out- I dont have that knack. I would be glad to give money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 It would probably be all right as long as you hand some cash over with the book!:D I like that...I'd give a book and put a dollar bill in the card. It shows both pluck and respect at the same time. :001_smile: But honestly, I have a hard time with people making demands instead of suggestions when it comes to gift giving. If it doesn't come from the heart, then it isn't truly a gift. Blessings, Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My3Monkeys Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I think I'd be inclined to give messy art supplies :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I think I'd be inclined to give messy art supplies :) Or how about play-dough??? I have a few relatives who would hate me for that! Though I am a play-dough lovin' mom myself... I think I would have been inclined to do the $4 in a card mentioned by a pp. I mean, you only just met these people. Am I the only one who tends to give bigger gifts to people we know more and smaller gifts to people we know less? I think it's sweet your daughter wanted to follow the instructions. I know I don't want to set an example to my kids that people's wishes are of no importance to me -no matter how tackily stated. (How's that for a new adverb?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 It seems like I'm the only one here who would love a detailed list of what to get a birthday child. So many children I know have EVERYTHING and I detest spending ages picking out a gift only to be told "Oh I already have one of those". I also hate wasting money buying something they don't need. Honestly I would not buy her a book. Not everyone is a book lover :001_huh: - books can be right up with clothes on the list of "boring presents given to kids". I've seen many a birthday child receive a book as a gift and toss it over their shoulder without even looking at it as if to say "Oh another boring book". Whenever people ask me what gift to buy my own children I always say "Please get them a book". Every single time the person always replies "Oh but books are such a boring present I want to get them something fun".:glare: So far I haven't been able to convince a single person that my children really WOULD love a book for a gift. :confused: I would stick with the clothes and cash. $4.00 in a card and a t-shirt sound great for a child you hardly know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I'd probably go with what was requested. I'd assume that the only reason they'd make such a request would be because they are in dire financial difficulty and the kid really needs clothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Glad you went along with their wishes Jean. I'm really surprised that so many people would make it a point to go contrary to the wishes of parents they just met. Fwiw, I think asking guests to take off their shoes is rude. All the same, when I'm at someone's house and they make that request, off come the shoes. Later, when I'm more comfortable with them and we KNOW each other I'll work on getting an exception, but till then I think it's better to just honor their wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 So much cultural difference between people. I automatically take off my shoes when I go in anyone's house, everyone I know does also. I don't think I've ever had anyone come here who didn't either remove their shoes right away or at least offer to. Then again, maybe it's less to do with cultural difference and more to do with the fact that we have mud and free range chooks ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 So much cultural difference between people. I automatically take off my shoes when I go in anyone's house, everyone I know does also. I don't think I've ever had anyone come here who didn't either remove their shoes right away or at least offer to. Then again, maybe it's less to do with cultural difference and more to do with the fact that we have mud and free range chooks ;) That was my point. In my sister's social circle removing shoes is the norm. Here it tended towards keeping shoes on (now we have so many transplants that you never know). Reasoning behind it was that socks are underclothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5: I love it! I ended up buying a cute shorts/t-shirt set. My dd9 was appalled that I was thinking of "disobeying" the instructions on the invitation;) I think that is nice. You don't know them well yet, and they may be perfectly nice people who are attempting to suggest alternatives to toys because they have too many, will get those from grandparents, prefer to pick toys out themselves, or their child just isn't into them. It's a simple request that is easy to follow and there may be very good reasoning behind it. I think it is nice to honor it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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