S/O---do you have "rules" for church/family potlucks?

[Ottakee]

This a spin off from the thread about the child taking too much food (at least in aunt's eyes at the potluck/family meal)

 

Does your church/family/homeschool group, etc. have basic "rules" about these things?

 

My dh is Native American and elders are held in high esteem so the elderly and handicapped go FIRST and the children wouldn't dare get in line in these type settings. Then it is generally other adults and small children, followed last by the school age kids.

 

At family meals we tend to serve grandparents first, little ones/preschoolers next, and then the rest of us--then again there is always lots of food and only 15 or so of us.

 

For church, this can be a bit of an issue. We are TRYING to work on serving the elderly/handicapped and littles first, followed by kids WITH their parents and other adults and then if the kids don't want to go through the line with their parents, they wait until the end. We have had a lot of trouble of kids taking more than their share (even if they DO eat it all) and then other adults missing out on different dishes. They are welcome to go back for 2nd though after everyone has been through the line first.

 

Other times we will have everyone seated and dismiss them by tables.

 

I have been known as the "cookie police" at church as there have been times when I have told kids NO, NO MORE until the adults have gone through the line too. Yes, the kids might really EAT 6 cookies but we tell them to take 2 until everyone is through the line, then come back for more if there is some left. Sometimes for things like after church socials, we don't know how many guests we will have and there might not be enough cookies for everyone to fill up so we want to make sure everyone gets some.

 

Honestly, I am personally "irked" by kids/teens that take more than a reasonable amount and/or head to the front of the line before the adults. In most potlucks there are a few "favorite" dishes that tend to go fast. I try to teach my kids that it is OK for them to take SOME but if it something popular and/or the only one of its type there, to only take a small piece/serving and then come back later.

 

Do the "rules" though look different in different parts of the country? We are in the midwest.

[Miss Peregrine]

We let kids go first. Honestly, it is so they will be out of the way.:D Between me, my sister, and stepsister we have 16 kids.

 

It is much quieter after they all have their food. :)

[Pretty in Pink]

In our family the parents serve their own children's plates. My ds12 has been serving his own plate for about a year or so now.

[Ginevra]

Since I started the other thread, I'll answer for our family. We are on the East Coast, if that makes any difference, of European descent.

 

Generally, the moms with the youngest kids are among the first to get plates for the littles and/or their own plates. Then the middle-ish kids are next, because, as others have said, it gets them out of the way. The men most often hang to the back of the line; I haven't ever asked around, but I assume this is because they know they could possibly eat a very substantial plateful, but want first to see how much is left. Whomever is hosting the dinner is most often among the last; this is usually just because logistically, they are still performing tasks until towards the end of the fill-up line.

[littlebug42]

Most of the big potlucks at church, etc around here release people by table. I personally instruct my children to only take one cookie or small portions of each thing if we are near the front of the line with the addition that they can always go back for more after everyone is through the line. I have never been told a rule per say.

 

At family dinners growing up, it was the men and kids went first and the women ate last after everyone else was served. Actually, it pretty much still works that way.

[Hen]

no rules at our church, but we were embarrassed several times to see our 11yr old son go through the line and come back with a stack of cookies/brownies..yes, he would eat it all, but it was too much, specially when not knowing yet if there would be enough for everyone there.

 

we tried monitoring him, holding him back, making him go in line with us next to him, but he still had this whole attitude of a young horse having to be pulled back by force...so, we instituted the rule for him that he will go at the end of the line. He will let others go first and stop worrying about being first. He's improving some..to early to tell how well it's working.

[LizzyBee]

For church dinners, parents are supposed to go through the line with their younger kids. The church no longer serves hot chocolate because of teens and kids using 2-3 envelopes per cup and generally being wasteful. The dessert table is usually monitored by an adult.

 

For our Sunday School class socials, the kids go through the line first and the younger ones are supposed to be supervised by a parent. Once the kids are out the way, the adults fix their plates.

[OnTheBrink]

IF it's a church-wide pot-luck, kids are told to go through the line with their parents. If it's a smaller group on the church having a pot-luck, then there are really no rules.

[gingersmom]

I actually have found all these posts fascinating.

 

I'm from a family where there was always enough food for the 5 of us and maybe about another 10 people who just happened to stop by.

 

Even when I cook for my kids now there is plenty of food and always leftovers.

 

I can't imagine hosting and then monitoring who put what/how much food on their plate. That is insane to me.

 

If you can't afford it then don't invite everyone over.

 

We always let kids go first. Its just so much simpler to get them fed and then the adults can eat and relax.

[kchara]

The church I was raised in, littles went through with their parents/grandparents, at times, before the service was even over, to get them sitting and out of the way. (Now, this is LITTLES, not older kids... like 5 and under.) Next came guests and visitors, then elderly, then everyone else. Usually the pastor was somewhere near the back, because he was the last one out of the service. Any elderly person automatically got head of the line privileges, especially if they couldn't walk or stand well.

[Rebecca VA]

Not really a rule, but if I haven't contributed something to the potluck, I'm ashamed to take very much, or sometimes anything at all. Sometimes I've asked my husband if we could just leave rather than attend a potluck that we haven't helped with.

 

If we've brought our share (and I try to bring at least our share, if not more), then I have no qualms at all about eating and enjoying the meal. I used to watch over my kids to make sure they were serving themselves a well-rounded meal with polite portions, but I don't have to do that anymore.

[momofkhm]

No rules per se at our church. But my son always is toward the front of the line, along with the other kids his age. The moms with Littles are somewhere toward the front as well. We don't really have too many elderly - two men and one woman who would have issues standing in line. The rest of us just sort of get in line as we want. It tends to be who gets there first really. We all tend to talk and then find that the line has started, we edge that way and end up in line.

 

For me and dh it's not an issue of food so much as who we end up sitting with. :001_smile:

 

Oh, and I haven't gone through the line with ds in a while. But I do glance at his plate an make sure he got some veggies. He knows better than to get more than one dessert item. Actually, he may come up to me after looking at the desserts and ask if he can get 2 cookies or 2 ? or 1/2 a piece of cake and a cookie. (He gets creative in how he can have different things.)

[Ellie]

My family doesn't do potlucks (Outer Banks of NC). Never went to one until after I was married and going to church.

 

At most of the churches I've been to, families have tended to go through the lines together. At the current church, the children seem to go first (not many dc, though). If I had littles, they wouldn't be allowed to do so. They need lots of instruction on thinks such as how one serves oneself, and how one doesn't do things like touch all the food while deciding what to have. :-o

Edited March 28, 2011 by Ellie

[Lisa3033]

In our social circle, it's generally kids first, followed by parents then grandparents. Adults insist grandparents go next, grandparents insist adults go next, and grandma usually wins that argument. Grandparents are usually also the host so I think that's partly why they insist on going last. That and they view their adult children as well, their children, so when somebody yells "kids first!" Grandma insists her kids go before her.

 

At weddings, they usually dismiss by table. If they were to send children first (parents with), that would be nearly everybody.

 

We don't attend church, so I don't have any input there.

[OrganicAnn]

We don't have any rules, but we as a family try to avoid waste and avoid kids wanting to eat all desserts.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Moms with littles first, no order after that. Only one time have I ever been a "potluck police officer" - that was when an older child (tween) went through the line, scarffed their food down and then pushed her way into the front of the line of people who hadn't even gone through yet to get more. I told her to go to the end of the line. She was very embarrassed and I felt a bit badly, though I did not do it loudly or in a mean manner. I think she was just so focused on food that she blocked everyone else out!

[eternalknot]

My culture is like yours, Ottakee/OP. Elders or special guests are always served first, and kids go last. I can see the reasoning behind "getting the kids fed first so they're out of the way" but I think that's just a subtle distinction in what's considered appropriate for children based on our respective cultures. I know my American friends share the sentiment, but I still expect my kids to go after others. Maybe they'll rebel one day, I don't know, but for now - it works that we follow our culture's expectations regardless of who we're around. My friends give me grief, but old habits die hard. Plus we still do a significant amount of dining with people in my culture. I don't want all the aunties gossiping about my Americanized kids LOL.

 

I don't attend church. Our homeschool group is pretty much a free for all, with kids going first and going crazy. It took me aback at first, but now it's just par for the course. I chalk it up to cultural differences, and I know the kids aren't intending to be direspectful or rude. I still make my kids go last. Sometimes it's slim pickins'. That's life.

 

We do have one mom in our homeschool group that is always the "mean one" who polices the goodies LOL. I think this is because she only has one, older child whilst everyone else has 4+ kids who are used to fending for themselves and raiding the goodies fast :) things just go way differently in her home, so she feels she needs to look out for her only child so she is able to get some goodies before they're totally picked over by the larger families. We're a smaller group, and it's not caused problems - it's just how she is, how the other kids are, and how I am. I love my group ::swoon::.

 

We live in the Bible Belt. I never know if I'm the south, the midwest, or the southwest -- we're considered different regions by different people. Suffice it to say, it's the armpit of America somewhere in the southern, southwestern midwest. :D

[dangermom]

At church we generally go by table. I have a tendency to shove my way in first (politely! :D) because of my daughter's severe food allergies--there are only a few things she can have and I try to get to them before they can get contaminated. She generally gets a roll and some fruit, plain meat if there is any.

 

If I was making the rules, I'd put people with special dietary or mobility needs first and kids over 5 last.

[Mergath]

I can't imagine hosting and then monitoring who put what/how much food on their plate. That is insane to me.

 

If you can't afford it then don't invite everyone over.

 

 

I find this sad. If I can't afford to feed everyone and their kids to absolutely gluttonous proportions, I just shouldn't ever invite guests for meals? Instead, perhaps parents should watch their children and enforce some basic manners. When I was a child, if my brother and I had ran to get to the front of a line so we could take mountainous amounts of food, we would have been quietly removed from the event. And I wasn't a kid that long ago.

[IsabelC]

At church we generally go by table. I have a tendency to shove my way in first (politely! :D) because of my daughter's severe food allergies--there are only a few things she can have and I try to get to them before they can get contaminated. She generally gets a roll and some fruit, plain meat if there is any.

 

If I was making the rules, I'd put people with special dietary or mobility needs first and kids over 5 last.

That's a really good point to be aware of. I've been at a function where there was only one platter of food for the vegan people, but because that looked nicer than the 'standard' stuff, it all got taken and somebody ended up with nothing she could eat. Although probably the people supplying the food should have made it clearer which food was meant for specific people, rather than just expecting everyone to know...

[Peela]

This a spin off from the thread about the child taking too much food (at least in aunt's eyes at the potluck/family meal)

 

Does your church/family/homeschool group, etc. have basic "rules" about these things?

 

My dh is Native American and elders are held in high esteem so the elderly and handicapped go FIRST and the children wouldn't dare get in line in these type settings. Then it is generally other adults and small children, followed last by the school age kids.

 

At family meals we tend to serve grandparents first, little ones/preschoolers next, and then the rest of us--then again there is always lots of food and only 15 or so of us.

 

For church, this can be a bit of an issue. We are TRYING to work on serving the elderly/handicapped and littles first, followed by kids WITH their parents and other adults and then if the kids don't want to go through the line with their parents, they wait until the end. We have had a lot of trouble of kids taking more than their share (even if they DO eat it all) and then other adults missing out on different dishes. They are welcome to go back for 2nd though after everyone has been through the line first.

 

Other times we will have everyone seated and dismiss them by tables.

 

I have been known as the "cookie police" at church as there have been times when I have told kids NO, NO MORE until the adults have gone through the line too. Yes, the kids might really EAT 6 cookies but we tell them to take 2 until everyone is through the line, then come back for more if there is some left. Sometimes for things like after church socials, we don't know how many guests we will have and there might not be enough cookies for everyone to fill up so we want to make sure everyone gets some.

 

Honestly, I am personally "irked" by kids/teens that take more than a reasonable amount and/or head to the front of the line before the adults. In most potlucks there are a few "favorite" dishes that tend to go fast. I try to teach my kids that it is OK for them to take SOME but if it something popular and/or the only one of its type there, to only take a small piece/serving and then come back later.

 

Do the "rules" though look different in different parts of the country? We are in the midwest.

 

 

I LOVE your rules. I love the respect for elders shown, and that kids go last. I love it.

 

But it doesn't happen here. On a good occasion, parents will keep their kids with them and supervise what they choose. Parents will check that kids don't take all the good things. In my case, I would check that my son didn't just pile his place up with meat - we are mostly vegetarian but he tends to crave meat and when he gets the opportunity, might go overboard and take it all.

 

But generally, at family gatherings the kids will go first. I like your way better.

[melissel]

I find this sad. If I can't afford to feed everyone and their kids to absolutely gluttonous proportions, I just shouldn't ever invite guests for meals? Instead, perhaps parents should watch their children and enforce some basic manners. When I was a child, if my brother and I had ran to get to the front of a line so we could take mountainous amounts of food, we would have been quietly removed from the event. And I wasn't a kid that long ago.

 

But who gets to decide what a gluttonous proportion is? Maybe what looks gluttonous to you is a normal meal to someone else? I have to agree with Ginger'smom here--if I know there's a chance that I won't have enough food to make sure none of my guests ends up hungry, then no, I won't have people over, or I'll have fewer people over.

 

As for basic manners, Quill said, "My son (11) was one of the first people in line to load his dinner plate." She never said he shoved his way to the front of the line or sprinted when he heard the dinner bell. He happened to be one of the first in the line, and he took what, to him, was a normal amount of food to satisfy his hunger. She also said he cleaned his plate. How is that gluttonous?

 

I have never in my life heard of having a rule where children have to eat last like second-class citizens. I have seen children monitored and escorted, and have myself monitored and escorted children, through a buffet line, but I've never seen any kind of buffet hierarchy imposed beyond what just seems to be basic courtesy (elderly and infirm first, etc.). If you're hungry, you get in line and eat. If you're chatting too long, you go toward the end of the line.

[felicity]

I help my two littlest through and only take small portions of what I think they will eat. Even if it's only a roll and some chips, it's not their last meal and the whole idea is to hang out with friends and be together. My boys know to take relatively small portions of food they are fairly sure they'll like so it doesn't get thrown away. They are allowed to get one dessert at the beginning and then if there is more when we've seen that most of the people have theirs, they can get another.

 

I'm talking about the church potlucks, which are really the only ones we go to. There are always the kids that raid the dessert tables and take a bunch of rolls, but they aren't the norm and I really try hard not to be bugged by them but to worry about my own. If they are my Wolf or Bear Scouts though, I'll say something to them in a silly way about taking too much at one time.

[Mergath]

But who gets to decide what a gluttonous proportion is? Maybe what looks gluttonous to you is a normal meal to someone else? I have to agree with Ginger'smom here--if I know there's a chance that I won't have enough food to make sure none of my guests ends up hungry, then no, I won't have people over, or I'll have fewer people over.

 

As for basic manners, Quill said, "My son (11) was one of the first people in line to load his dinner plate." She never said he shoved his way to the front of the line or sprinted when he heard the dinner bell. He happened to be one of the first in the line, and he took what, to him, was a normal amount of food to satisfy his hunger. She also said he cleaned his plate. How is that gluttonous?

 

I have never in my life heard of having a rule where children have to eat last like second-class citizens. I have seen children monitored and escorted, and have myself monitored and escorted children, through a buffet line, but I've never seen any kind of buffet hierarchy imposed beyond what just seems to be basic courtesy (elderly and infirm first, etc.). If you're hungry, you get in line and eat. If you're chatting too long, you go toward the end of the line.

 

I really think most people know what constitutes a reasonable amount of food. Even people who tend to eat more than average are perfectly capable of showing a little restraint when the food supply isn't limitless.

 

I never said the op's son did that. I was referring to what I've seen happen far too many times.

 

I've been to many buffets and potlucks where the children went last. It isn't a commentary on the children, but rather tends to happen when parents wish to teach their children to respect their elders.

[Koerarmoca]

In our family my older 2 daughters will help elderly folks through the line while my 5 year old and I get her plate and the 2 year olds plate. my older 2 then get in line and I wait until the are back to the table and then I go for me and for everything they forgot. If dh is with me he will help the littles and I will also help an elderly person.

 

We don't do any formal "elderly & children first" type announcements its generally a free for all. Though I do feel we should be serving those who can't serve them selves first.

 

A large portion of our church are elderly or special needs and I am happy to serve them.

 

ETA for family pot lucks dh and I fix the kids plates its just easier that way then we go after them. Or sometimes I will get his too. I am happy to serve. Also, way and less of the "ewwww what is that" I can just pick what I know they like and not be embarrassed by their "ewww's"

Edited March 28, 2011 by MichelleC

[AndyJoy]

My church has a monthly "fellowship meal." After praying, the pastor or deacon invites the girls, women, and small children who need help (up to about age 6) to go first. Boys and men are supposed to go next. I don't think we have any elderly men right now, so the elderly women are included at the beginning, of course.

 

However, I've noticed a lot of the 8-12 year old boys slip in with the women and overload their plates with the scarce popular items like meatballs, Little Smokies, etc. while their moms are busy with little ones and their dads are talking at the end of the line. Some will undoubtedly disagree with me for doing this, but I do comment on this to them. I am not loud, sharp, or harsh but I think people should speak up respectfully when they see others being rude. I even quietly told one 10-year-old put some food back when he completely ignored me when I pointed out how many people were in line behind him. He had literally taken 1/3 of the meatballs! Two other women (with kids his age and older) had given him disapproving looks, but said nothing. Later they expressed admiring surprise that I had said anything to him. Word got around to his mother about the situation and she thanked me for correcting him.

 

I wish more adults felt comfortable teaching kids good manners, even if the kids aren't their own. Where I grew up, adults corrected children and the children's parents usually thanked the adult rather than getting defensive. If the adult had unreasonable standards or was overly harsh, the parent pulled the kid aside and straightened things out, explaining the difference in expectations. This seems less common now.

 

When I was teaching at a Christian middle school, I was blindsided by the number of irate parents who would call or email me after I had a private conversation with their child over behavior or attitude issues. It was seriously depressing at times and I saw many of my fellow teachers give up trying to deal with much of anything. This is one of the reasons I feel strongly about homeschooling. Could I trust my child's teacher to deal with rudeness? Or would he/she be too used to parents who freak out if a disparaging word is spoken to their little "princess" or "dude"?

 

Somebody promise to cyber-slap me in 10 years if I complain about other adults correcting my child (as long as they aren't cruel or abusive--sharp, I think kids should learn to handle.):D

[Julie in CA]

Generally speaking:

elderly and/or infirm

special guests/birthday honorees

young adults

men & women

children

 

Honestly, I've seen how children are at buffets/potlucks, and if all of the kids go first, I don't find the food at all appealing after that. They're kids. They don't pay as close attention to germs & contamination, so for that reason along with teaching them to honor others & live a little more selflessly, the kids usually go last. It's not a matter of treating kids as "second class citizens", but is a part of teaching them to put others first.

[Ottakee]

if I know there's a chance that I won't have enough food to make sure none of my guests ends up hungry, then no, I won't have people over, or I'll have fewer people over.

 

I have never in my life heard of having a rule where children have to eat last like second-class citizens. I have seen children monitored and escorted, and have myself monitored and escorted children, through a buffet line, but I've never seen any kind of buffet hierarchy imposed beyond what just seems to be basic courtesy (elderly and infirm first, etc.). If you're hungry, you get in line and eat. If you're chatting too long, you go toward the end of the line.

 

First, I am mainly talking about church potlucks, etc. where each family brings a hot dish and a salad or dessert. Depending on the mix of the day there might be lots of salads but fewer desserts so a child taking 2 brownies, 3 cookies and a piece of cake the first time through might not leave any dessert for those in line behind them. There is generally enough FOOD, just maybe not enough of a particular dish for them to have as much as they want.

 

I don't think we treat kids as second class citizens. The rules are hard and fast but more guidelines and if the kids want to be closer up front in the line (talking mostly 8-14 year old kids here) then they are WELCOME to go through the line with their family. I just hate seeing groups of kids run to the front of the line and take too much of certain dishes (see above) while older people, and families get pushed back.

 

As to inviting people over, I would certainly try to plan enough food but should I expect to feed x child a huge serving of a particular dish (apart from food allergies/etc.).

 

I see sometimes (esp. at church stuff) where the kids aren't taught basic manners, like take a reasonable amount and then go through the line a 2nd time if you are still hungry, don't load up on desserts first, don't push past the elderly, etc.

 

While we would never want anyone to leave a potluck hungry, I don't think it is designed either for some to "pig out" before others have had a chance to eat.

 

At family meals, we always have plenty and my SIL and I are generally last to eat as that is just easiest with serving/seating, etc. Not a big deal as desserts come out later and we always have enough and know what our kids will eat.

[FlockOfSillies]

Rule of thumb: If your plate of food can be described as a "tower," you're probably on the gluttonous end of the spectrum.

 

If people look at your plate and make references to Scooby-Doo or Shaggy, you're definitely on the gluttonous end of the spectrum.

 

On the other hand, if your plate is mostly white space after you've gone through the line, you are probably my 7yo dd, and you will be told to "please put some greenery and protein on your plate."

Edited March 28, 2011 by FlockOfSillies

[Mom in High Heels]

I host about 6-8 buffet meals at my house a year (birthdays and holidays usually) and while I always prepare more food than is usually needed, and the kids go first (to get them out of the way) I ALWAYS monitor them. Most of the kids on our social group are ages 5-10 and many will pile their plates with food, especially boiled shrimp (which I make of ton of but 3 or 4 of the children would literally take every one of them). I stand there and (quietly) tell them when they've put enough on their plates and that after everyone else has gone through the line they can come back for more. Indy (8) knows better than to take too much because I have drilled it into his head a million times. He's one of the kids who would take an entire tray of shrimp if I let him (I swear I don't know where he puts it all). Even when we're at another place with a buffet, he knows not to take too much at first.

I make it clear ahead of time that I will be supervising the children and no one has a problem with it (and yes, they would tell me). The kids have now gotten used to the fact that at my house, there WILL be plenty of food, but they can't have it ALL in the first go round (and some, who would pile their plates, don't even go back for more, so that food would be wasted). Most of my friends monitor their kids as they make their plates, but don't mind me doing it, probably because I don't embarrass them. One of my good friends had to run home to get something just as we were starting the buffet once and before she left she told her kids to "Listen to 'MiHH' when you fill your plate. You can always go back."

I think it is very important for kids to understand that while they might be hungry, there are others who need to eat too. Indy really could eat an entire tray of shrimp, but he has to remember (even at 8) that he's not the only one eating and it's rude to take so much before everyone else has even had the chance to go through the line.

[Ginevra]

I have never in my life heard of having a rule where children have to eat last like second-class citizens.

 

It seems that way to me, too. I understand cultural deference towards elders, but to have a known rule that kids eat last seems...backwards to me and odd. My feeling on it is that children need to eat, whereas adults are able to monitor and restrain themselves better. If I had to pick between an adult getting all the food they wished to have and the child getting a skimpy portion vs. the other way 'round, I would pick the ADULT having to eat less. There are so many more eating choices available to adults; they can have more later at home, they can eat a snack before they leave, they can eat more of the sides. Kids have less power to do this. They can't say, "I didn't get enough to eat. Could we swing by Arby's?" :D

[mom2att]

We stopped having potlucks at my homeschool group. 100+ children and 30 or so busily chatting moms does not a happy potluck make, especially for the teens who wound up at the end of the line and had very little food to choose from. I'm done with potlucks!

[J-rap]

This is how we do it at our church: first the elderly, then other adults and families with younger children, then the teens and older children who wish to eat together, apart from their families. I think this is a good rule of thumb. In our otherwise "me" centered society, it helps teach children respect and restraint. Also, sometimes it is difficult for the elderly to stand in a long line.

[edithcrawley]

Church potlucks here are held immediately after service, and your place in line is determined by how quickly you get over to that area of the building. The choir has a distinct advantage in this as we are much closer to that section than the rest of the congregation :)

 

If there is a potluck/meal held before a Bible study or something like that, then we dismiss by tables (In this case, it helps to be friends with the person doing the dismissing :) )

[mommymilkies]

It seems that way to me, too. I understand cultural deference towards elders, but to have a known rule that kids eat last seems...backwards to me and odd. My feeling on it is that children need to eat, whereas adults are able to monitor and restrain themselves better. If I had to pick between an adult getting all the food they wished to have and the child getting a skimpy portion vs. the other way 'round, I would pick the ADULT having to eat less. There are so many more eating choices available to adults; they can have more later at home, they can eat a snack before they leave, they can eat more of the sides. Kids have less power to do this. They can't say, "I didn't get enough to eat. Could we swing by Arby's?" :D

 

I agree. I always have seen children go first, along with the elderly. Women tend to go last because, IME they are busy getting everyone else settled while the men chat. :glare: I don't have anyone over unless I have tons of food at hand, but I've had drop in visitors before and that can really hurt the food stores. Especially when it's a financially tight week. I do wish some parents would teach their children moderation or at least only get what you CAN eat. I have no problem with my brother, for example, loading his plate down because I know he'll lick it clean. But I have a SIL who throws away all but 2 bites at every single meal. Usually she gets 2-3 plates of food, nibbles 2-3 bites, and throws it away. Even her parents now chastise her about it, because it's usually their food or money (at a restaurant, especially!) Now you know who we do NOT invite for dinner. ;)

[Chris in VA]

No rules here (and we go to LOTS of potlucks, believe me!). People tend to be pretty respectful at our parish, and my own dd is great about manners, I have to say.