Has anybody changed alot over the last 20 years?

[HollyDay]

I've had the opportunity to talk with some folks I've not seen in quite a while. I keep hearing comments like, "Oh, but you used to love.....(fill in the blank)" and after a while, I get this "My, you've really changed" as if it is not a great thing.

 

Yesterday, an old acquaintance asked me something about football which I couldn't answer. I got the old "You used to love...... (football)" It is not that I don't like watching it anymore. I just have so many other things I enjoy doing and don't have time for everything. In the grand scheme of things, quilting (or reading, or bicycling, or playing board games with the dc) trumps football. I'm happy with that.

 

"You used to love long car trips and camping (this from dh)". Yes I did before hurting my back. Sleeping on the hard ground and taking cold showers just don't appeal to me anymore. A long trip is even longer hitting all the rest stops. It just isn't enjoyable anymore.

 

Many things are location driven. We don't live in an area with an ice rink, or the ability to ride horses, or a bike/hiking trail.

 

So, is this a midlife thing? Or is this just a part of "growing up"? I don't like the same things I liked 20 years ago, or many of those things are no longer an option due to location or budget. I've adapted and I'm happy.

[Catwoman]

I would think that there would be a much bigger problem if you hadn't changed much in the past 20 years.

 

Except for wrinkles and gray hairs. I don't really need those changes. ;)

 

Cat

[Wyndie]

I would think that there would be a much bigger problem if you hadn't changed much in the past 20 years.

 

Except for wrinkles and gray hairs. I don't really need those changes. ;)

 

Cat

 

:iagree:

 

I thank GOD I have changed. I would hate to still be the vapid little teenager I was. :D

[Desert Rat]

:iagree:

:iagree:

 

I thank GOD I have changed. I would hate to still be the vapid little teenager I was. :D

 

I don't know if I was vapid, though. I had a fiery temper, was over emotional and self centered. I continue to work on those traits and am proud of myself for how far I have come.

[DawnM]

Well, I haven't gotten it too much, although I know I have changed.

 

Wrinkles, weight gain, and grey hair aside!

 

I also am a mom now and that is a HUGE change for me. I can't go and do things like I used to....I was always out and about and had money to do it! ;)

 

Now I have kids, don't work, and have to budget!

 

Dawn

[Hedgehog]

I would think that there would be a much bigger problem if you hadn't changed much in the past 20 years.

 

Except for wrinkles and gray hairs. I don't really need those changes. ;)

 

Cat

 

:lol: :iagree:

 

I see life as a process of change and learning.. I think that's what it's for. I just hope I'm learning the right stuff, and changing in the right way!

[PiCO]

I've had the opportunity to talk with some folks I've not seen in quite a while. I keep hearing comments like, "Oh, but you used to love.....(fill in the blank)" and after a while, I get this "My, you've really changed" as if it is not a great thing.

 

I would not be concerned if people I hadn't seen in 20 years said this. I would seriously consider dh saying this, though- it might be something he really misses. (Not that you need to go camping with a bad back, maybe just figure out if dh really misses that and figure out a way for him to go camping, or a compromise activity.)

[MeaganS]

I've changed a lot, but you can't expect everyone to stay the same person they were when they were 5 years old. :001_smile:

 

But really, even in the last 5 years I've changed a ton. I expect that will continue, and I agree with the pp that it is a good thing to change. It means you are progressing and not staying stagnant.

[HollyDay]

Thanks for the encouragement!! I am glad of many of the changes. Some I'm not overly fond of (weight, wrinkles, etc). Some I wish were not there, like back problems and other health issues. I've always looked at it from a positive point of view. Yes, my back limits me. But, I'm vertical, I can drive, ride a bike, shop, play with the children, take care of my home, etc.. If dh and dc want to camp, then I encourage them to go. I want them to have fun. I'm aging, not much I can do about that. I have a tighter budget than I used to have, again, that is the way it is. I just don't see the reason of moping over what I cannot do when that is wasting time from what I can do.

[Spryte]

I haven't heard the same comments, but I can see them in old friends' eyes. 20 years ago... I was a field archaeologist. I trekked long distances and camped every weekend. Now my big outing is to the park for a playdate. Seriously, I never thought I'd be a stay at home mom. Never. Neither did anyone else! But I love it, and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

 

Maybe when someone comments, you could throw out a, "Yes, I have - thank goodness!" comment and embrace the change so they can see that you are happy? Just a thought.

 

I have friends who will never understand the choices I've made. They are still living off the grid, filming documentaries and world traveling. They see kids as balls and chains. We get together once every five years as traveling allows, and I see their eyes glaze over if we talk about the munchkin too much. We've gone different directions.

 

As for camping every weekend, my DH has made the same comments. I have issues like yours, and our solution has been to explore non-camping options while I try to get back on my outdoors feet after an extended illness. We've stayed in cabins so we can go on day hikes, car camped semi-locally (not my favorite, I am not a car camping kind of girl), and I've sent DH out camping with the boys. We've also moved and our current area doesn't leave me with a pounding desire to be outside in the same way that our last area did. He needs to have his outdoorsy needs filled, even if mine are now less.

[Shelly in IL]

20 years ago, I didn't want kids - EVER! Now just look at me! I was a foolish, self-centered girl who was pretty spoiled. I just wanted to work and have expensive things.

 

I'm glad for change!

[LidiyaDawn]

20 years ago, I was 13 years old - so I sure would HOPE I've changed :laugh:

 

but yes...I've even changed fairly drastically in the last few years.

[Gratia271]

I have changed dramatically since I became a mother (oldest is 12). Once my first born came along, I knew the life I wanted to give her was not compatible with the life I had ALWAYS envisioned for myself and was then living.

 

It reminds me of the line from a poem "God gave me nothing I wanted. He gave me everything I needed." I thank God every day for the changes He has made in me through the priceless gift of my children.

[DarcyB]

I've had a career, lost the career, gotten married, had babies, gotten fat, become a homebody, and gotten really emotional (kids and peri-menopause can do that to ya LOL).

 

This is NOTHING like the girl 20 years ago pictured herself being. Nothing.

[cin]

Aside from weight gain and gray hair, I havn'et really changed that much. I always wanted to be a mom. Not neccesarily a HS mom, but a mom. And I am one. Maybe I was born 'old'. :D

[Impish]

I would think that there would be a much bigger problem if you hadn't changed much in the past 20 years.

 

Except for wrinkles and gray hairs. I don't really need those changes. ;)

 

Cat

:iagree::iagree: I thank God daily for becoming the person I am. RSD aside, I like me now. ;)

[mom2denj]

It reminds me of the line from a poem "God gave me nothing I wanted. He gave me everything I needed." I thank God every day for the changes He has made in me through the priceless gift of my children.

 

I LOVE this!! So beautiful!

[Garga]

I'm 38. I have changed from 18 to 38 and mostly, if not all, for the better.

 

I used to be a painfully shy, narrow-minded, ugly duckling (I was just slobby most of the time.)

 

Today, I'm considered outgoing (people have told me), I can understand and respect most points of view, and I take (normal) pride in my looks. I think I've become gentler as I've matured.

[Dawn in OH]

 

I thank GOD I have changed. I would hate to still be the vapid little teenager I was. :D

 

I've changed A LOT. All for the better.

 

I'm much less concerned with "stuff" and appearances. Clothes, cars, furniture, etc.

 

I used to wrinkle my nose and make yuck face about doing anything where getting dirty would be involved.

 

I had no interest in anything domestic when I was young. Now I cook from scratch, I am trying to learn to sew, I know how to clean just about anything. I can make minor plumbing repairs.

 

I was very much a city girl before. Now my dream is two own a house in the country and raise chickens, cows and pigs as well as have a big garden and do canning.

 

I used to go through life just going with the flow and trying to be normal and fit in. Now I fight the flow. I go against the norm. I don't care one bit about fitting in. I'm much more confident and comfortable with who I am.

 

I LOVE me now. I wish I had been this person 20 years ago.

[Gratia271]

I used to wrinkle my nose and make yuck face about doing anything where getting dirty would be involved.

 

 

:lol::lol: I still do that, but at least I will do that kind of work now.

[justamouse]

They're probably a little sad because they knew how to connect with you and now don't. Just be excited about what you like *now* and hopefully they'll like something similar.

 

 

I'm with Cat, I'd be more afraid if I *hadn't* changed.

[jplain]

I've had the opportunity to talk with some folks I've not seen in quite a while. I keep hearing comments like, "Oh, but you used to love.....(fill in the blank)" and after a while, I get this "My, you've really changed" as if it is not a great thing.

Don't worry. It isn't you, it's them. ;) These people assume they still know you as well as they used to, and the truth is that they don't. So when they're confronted with that reality, they feel off balance. Some people recover well and naturally begin the process of becoming reacquainted. Others flounder and say awkward things.

[Lolly]

I am roughly twice the woman now that I was then.:lol::lol::lol:

 

Honestly, I am much wiser than I was 20 years ago. This grey hair came with much knowledge. I now know that I don't know anything, much less everything!

[SailorMom]

I know I have. And let metell you -I am glad!!!

I don't understand the saying:

Growing old is required; Growing up is optional.

 

I'm sorry, but that sounds nightmarish to me!

I still have fun, and know how to enjoy myself, and even be silly - but I like the wisdom I have gained. I worked hard for it.

[momofkhm]

Twenty years ago I was in college, unmarried, no kids, no job, no responsibility besides getting to class, not a Christian. Yes, I'd say I changed, a lot! And for the better too.

[cbollin]

reading this thread, I want to sing Bob Dylan's Things Have Changed.

 

:lol:

 

-crystal

[Beth in OH]

I thank God daily for becoming the person I am. ... I like me now. ;)[/b]

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Sometimes the matured and more intentionally Christian me angers people who preferred the enabling me who thought she could do everything on her own.

[OLG]

Change is GOOD! Otherwise how terribly boring we would all be,I think. I most certainly have changed. And hope I continue to do so through growth.

 

I bet those folks telling you that you changed have changed themselves!! Let it slide......

 

Mary

[prairiebird]

I've had people get almost angry at me or for changing since high school (which would be about 20 years for me). It's like they slot me into this box and figured what's where I belong. I think some are dissapointed as well because they didn't like choices I made or hobby/career interests.

 

It's really kind of weird.

 

 

I watched this happen with a good friend of mine. We're from a huge urban area, and she randomly decided to take horse riding lessons for the first time at 30. Fast forward 5 years later and now she's super involved in a suburban barn and owns a horse she boards there. A lot of her friends think it's so awful that she dropped a lot of her old hobbies and interests for her horse and that she's changed soooo much! Really, she just always thought about it on occasion, took a chance when she was in a position to pay for it, and discovered she loved it!

[Mommyfaithe]

:lol: :iagree:

 

I see life as a process of change and learning.. I think that's what it's for. I just hope I'm learning the right stuff, and changing in the right way!

 

:iagree:

 

20 years is a long time. 20 years ago I was the mom of 3 pre-schoolers...and a young Mom at that. I have changed and life has changed me...I hope for the better...

 

Faithe

[happyWImom]

I do get that, especially from one of my good friends. I used to be pretty wild-quite the party girl in my 20's, and she just can't get over the change.

 

I used to be very self-centered, totally concerned about my looks, and I didn't have God in my life. (Well, He was there, but I ignored Him). I wanted to move away, loved the city, wanted excitement.

 

Now, it's all about my dc, we still live in Wisconsin, out in the middle of nowhere. But, I am happy, and wouldn't trade it.

 

Yes, I call it growing up.

[LisaKinVA]

Honestly, other than my weight (6 babies in 9 years...), I really haven't changed all that much... but my mom always tells me that I "was born old..."

 

Philosophically, I was always more "liberal" than my parents... but over the past 20 years, they have become more "like" me. :D

 

My likes and dislikes haven't changed... chocolate is still not my favorite candy. I still like to bake. I'd still rather play sports than watch sports. I still like to read, although I read somewhat different books than I did 20 years ago (not all different, but I have more reason for parenting, marriage, child-rearing, and education books than I did 20 years ago). I still like hiking (just don't get to it), sill like repelling, rollercoasters, waterslides, and just hanging out. I will still take a quiet evening or a movie vs. a bar and a loud party.

 

My understanding of some things has grown (owning/running my own businesses, homeschooling, motherhood, marriage, love, relationships, have all influenced me), but if you came to me today, I'd pretty much be the same person you knew a year or so out of college.

[littlebug42]

Oh my, how I have changed in the last 20 years. 20 years ago, I was a theatre major in college. I was a serious party girl with a particular affinity for tequila. I was very liberal and was somewhat promiscuous. If you had told me then that I would be married, a homeschooling Mom and a medical transcriptionist, I would have laughed in your face.

 

Fast forward 20 years, I am now much more conservative. People that know me through homeschool circles only I am certain would not believe the life I used to lead. However, most of my friends have all changed in similar ways although not all have moved politically to the right but some have. I am glad that I have changed though. While all of those experiences make up who I am today and I wouldn't change them, I am glad to be more stable now. Since I married dh 12 years ago, I feel true peace and contentment in my life that I had never known before.

[Hwin]

Yes, I have changed! When I was in 7th grade I wrote my friend a note and said "If I ever get married, shoot me in the head!"

 

Guess what showed up, framed, at my bridal shower...

 

 

20 years... well, I don't even have to go back that far. Take me back 3 mos and I was gung ho on public school for my son. I reserve the right to change my mind if it means making better decisions :tongue_smilie: