............

[*lifeoftheparty*]

..

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I hear you. I'm working on the same things. I'm watching my 65 year old, chocoholic mother hobbling around like a 95 year old. She can barely breathe, barely move, barely do anything. My sisters and I have all been battling the way we were taught to eat. We have all told and shown my mom how much better we feel with healthier eating. And although she likes to complain about her misery, she doesn't like to give up her chocolate cake. I just hope I can keep up my resolve to eat more healthily, so that at 65 I can actually enjoy life and not be so ill and unhappy.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I see your frustration and I have felt the same thing. (I used to work with post-hepatic-transplant patients) I wondered, "why do they do the things that they KNOW are bad for their livers and mean possible organ rejection/need for new transplant?"

 

It still intrigues me. I am considering doing a thesis on Non-Compliance in Transplant Patients for grad school.

 

In pondering this I realized that *I* am non-compliant in certain areas. I don't take my blood pressure medication as I should. Then one day I really started trying to figure it out. Why do I do this? I MEAN, REALLY.....WHY DO I DO THIS?!?!? Then it hit me......my brother was healthier than me, in better shape, fit, etc. and one day he was sick and a few months later: DEAD. And I realized that my thought process is that "it doesn't matter". As weird and jacked-up as that sounds, that is MY thought process, that IT. DOESN'T. MATTER. I could still die soon, just like he did.

 

It makes no sense and I realize that. No one needs to explain it to me. The thinking is CLEARLY flawed. There is a fatalism and, let's face it, probably still some residual depression, that remains.

 

It's messed up, but there it is.

[Tiberia]

I hear you. It frustrates me too, but eventually I just have to focus on me and my family and let others do what they will do.

 

I just turned 49 and have worked VERY hard to get in shape, lose weight, get strong, eat healthy foods, etc. When people say to me, "Oh, you're so lucky, you're healthy and thin," I want to yell, "Do you know how hard I have worked to be this way? Do you how many little choices and big choices over 5 years have led to this? It isn't luck, it's hard work!"

 

But I don't yell that. I usually smile and thank them. I focus on feeding my family good food, and keeping my body in great shape, and imparting this to my kiddo.

 

Everyone is on their own journey to health, and many do get a wakeup call at some point and make changes. And yes, I could die tomorrow, but I've benefitted in many, many ways from a healthier lifestyle, so it's worth the effort even if I don't live to be 100.

 

Don't get sidetracked from the great changes you have made. You are worth the effort, and so is your family. Keep up the great work!

[Slartibartfast]

I am not sure what bathing has to do with anything.

 

I do think there is a lot of ignorance regarding foods but I think we all know that food/tobacco companies paid a lot of money to make people that way.

 

Our generation is more informed about food and what we put in our bodies but my grandparent's generation thought smoking was perfectly healthy. My mom is always shocked when I don't do whatever my Dr tells or question things from medical organizations.

 

As long as companies can lie and mislead people we will pay for it. Sure people cry about regulations and freedom but then well...what is expected?

 

We just recently had a thread about McDonald's and them getting sued. Do you think it is ok for companies to manipulate children into eating bad food? If one thinks it is fine then why complain about paying for it?

 

Sorry for getting sidetracked...it seems related to me.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

(Sorry, I know I haven't been here long, but I just HAVE to get this out before I scream! and the hubby has heard it before, so, flame suit on...)

 

I hate, hate, HATE it when people say this! It drives me INSANE!!!

 

Over the past three years, or so, I have done lots and LOTS of work on my diet b/c of health issues it was causing. Some of these issues are directly related to diet. Some issues, the biggest one, Insulin Resistance, is completely hereditary, but can be cured/prevented/fixed by eating a healthy diet. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER than I used to! I am SO MUCH HEALTHIER than I used to be, EVEN THOUGH, I am still overweight... working on that.

 

I will often talk to people about healthier food. I DO NOT force this on others. This usually comes up (with relative strangers/new people) when they ask why I won't let my child eat this or that. Or if they offer me something and I refuse (politely) and they inquire why. Or if someone in my group suggests lunch at McDonald's and I suggest something else, etc. That's a completely different rant: I'm so TIRED of feeling bad or "weird" b/c I don't want to put harmful chemicals in my child's body or feed him food that will set him up for health issues down the road! Is that SO HARD to understand?

 

Sometimes, it is SO COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that a certain health issue a person has (and complains about all. the. time.) is diet related, and so I share what I know in a polite non-judgmental manner.

 

When I'm with family and friends, it's usually a topic of conversation, we all get along fine. Not always agreeing, but we're cool and now our whole family eats a lot healthier. :D

 

But, inevitably, there is always some bozo who comes up with this piece of logical gold, "Well, we're all gonna die sometime!" And then they roll their eyes and stuff more artery hardening trans-fats in their faces. And I want to say to them......

 

"You know, it's very easy to say that NOW. But 10-15 years from now when your body starts failing at 50 years old, and you LOOK like you're 75, you're gonna be whining about all your ailments and wishing you had more time and energy to spend with your grandkids. THEN, you'll go to the Doctor and ask for some Magic Pill to fix it all, and I'm sure the Doctor will use every incredibly EXPENSIVE trick up his sleeve to try and erase the damage that you did to yourself. And EVERYONE ELSE will have to pay for all those high priced band-aids and deal with the rising costs of health care. Your kids will be stuck picking up your slack and it will stink for them b/c you will have probably indebted them with your same crappy eating habits, and so THEY will ALSO not be healthy."

 

*Take a deep breath*

 

What SHOULD happen, at that point in time, is that the Doctor should look you right in the eye and say, "You know what Mr. Smith? You have smoked your entire life and you drank like a fish. You drank soda like it was water and ate fast food every week. You scoffed at healthy food and that is why you're body isn't working anymore.... in short, you did this to yourself and there is nothing I can do to reverse 15 years of bad habits. So, sorry, but, WE ALL HAVE TO DIE SOMETIME! If you want to enjoy your remaining time on this Earth, however short or long, I suggest you start taking care of yourself, right now."

 

It just REALLY bugs me that SO many people just DO NOT CARE about what they put in their bodies!! My mom rants ALL the time (she's a dialysis nurse) about the people who come into her clinic to get Dialysis on the government's dime, THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A WEEK, every week; who still smoke. She has to give foot checks to diabetics who still drink soda and eat sugar. Plenty of these people can't even bother to BATHE regularly, yet we are paying THOUSANDS a week to keep them going.... and how far in debt are we?????

 

Kids now have a shorter life expectancy than the previous generations and they're getting adult diseases younger than ever before. Many of them can't even pass the physical requirements for the Armed Forces..... but hey, WE ALL GOTTA DIE SOMETIME, right?

 

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

 

I know you're just venting, and you're not really looking for an answer. But, I'm concerned about your health. If you don't learn to let this go, you will die from the complications of the high blood pressure you are causing in yourself getting so worked up over something you have absolutely no control over.

[Carol in Cal.]

Well, I do think that healthy choices are best, and I'm making some. A lot of them. But not everyone can, not everyone will, and I still think that we should take care of them. I don't want to blame a victim. I don't want to kick someone who is already down. I will watch over my FIL with COPD even though he shouldn't have smoked most of his life. I believe that our medical system should do the same. It's a matter of simple humanity.

[Sophia]

"Some of us sooner than others" then shrug your shoulders and let it go.

[Danestress]

I love food, but I find talking about what is good to eat and bad to eat just painfully tedious. I can easily imaging using that line just as a way to change the subject.

 

Even though I tend to agree that it DOES matter what we eat - just just for health but for ethical and environmental reason and for our pocketbooks, I don't enjoy discussions about it in real life. On this forum, I sometimes do read those discussions though, and learn a lot.

[5KidzRUs]

You need to come up with a standard answer.

When I have five little ones people ALWAYS told me "better you than me" - and "you have your hands FULL!" - finally I just replied my automated answer "I am glad it is me and not you too" and "better full than empty".

Come up with something like "yes, but there are no victims, just volunteers" ... you do not owe any explanation - own it! LOL! :grouphug:

[Corraleno]

The biggest flaw with the "we all have to die sometime" approach is that these people often picture dying as if they're sitting there happily munching a cheesburger, drinking a beer, and puffing on a cigarette, and then BOOM, they drop dead. Both of my in-laws had this attitude; my FIL was constantly saying he'd rather "enjoy life" (i.e. drink/smoke/eat junk) and then drop dead, than lead a long, healthy, deprived life. Well, guess what — he didn't exactly die with his boots on and a glass of vodka in his hand. First he had his leg amputated, and then he had a stroke that left him completely paralyzed and unable to walk, talk, or even swallow. He spent four years in a nursing home, being fed through a tube in his stomach, unable to move, before he finally died. You'd think my MIL would have learned something from that, but no. She's in a wheelchair from a stroke, has difficulties with speech, is on a dozen meds for all her problems — and still drinks, smokes, and lives on junk food. At least she serves as a dramatic example to my kids of why we eat healthy food and get plenty of exercise.

 

Jackie

[IsabelC]

I think a lot of it is more of a value judgment than a lack of information. Many/most people would agree that living a life of health perfection would be difficult and tedious, and that a certain amount of less/non healthy things can be justified because they increase the quality of life. Eg I may be healthier if I gave up chocolate, but I may feel that a life with no chocolate isn't really worth living ;)

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[zaichiki]

Genetics play a role. People can be thin and healthy and still eat trans fats.

 

I won't defend those who are unhealthy or who smoke/drink, but many of my relatives eat/ate normally (a combination of whole grains. meats, fruits/veggies, fried foods, McDonalds, desserts/sweets, etc.) and are thin/healthy, exercise normally, and live into their late 80's-mid 90's.

 

I'm one who might offer your child a homemade brownie or suggest a pizza party, but I'm also healthy and of normal fitness and weight. I'm not worried: "We've all gotta die sometime." :lol:

 

BTW I do realize that not everyone will be healthy if they eat as I described above and I won't judge different diet choices. I'll even respect your decision when you tell me your child can't have the brownie. :D

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[bkpan]

I know you're just venting, and you're not really looking for an answer. But, I'm concerned about your health. If you don't learn to let this go, you will die from the complications of the high blood pressure you are causing in yourself getting so worked up over something you have absolutely no control over.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Seriously, if you really hear that response as often as you seem to, I might suggest that you are spending too much time and energy trying to influence other people, and that they are trying to politely change the subject.

 

Take care of you and your family's health and be content with the good you are doing there. And let others make their own choices.. really, people DO know about the dangers of obesity and smoking. It is THEIR choice.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[BlsdMama]

My deepest, most sincerest sympathies... From someone who hears the exact same thing.

 

I think I've gotten to the point where I just look at them like they're lost and confused and say, "Right... But better later than sooner right?"

 

Short sighted idiotic thinking... Why don't we all walk in the middle of the road, ride around without seatbelts, and play Russian Roulette for fun? Sigh. I get the rant, really I do.:iagree:

 

 

(ETA: I feel guilty for posting this while I eat chocolate lava cake. In my defense it IS dark chocolate... And I don't do this all the time!) :D

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[Margaret in GA]

The biggest flaw with the "we all have to die sometime" approach is that these people often picture dying as if they're sitting there happily munching a cheesburger, drinking a beer, and puffing on a cigarette, and then BOOM, they drop dead. Both of my in-laws had this attitude; my FIL was constantly saying he'd rather "enjoy life" (i.e. drink/smoke/eat junk) and then drop dead, than lead a long, healthy, deprived life. Well, guess what — he didn't exactly die with his boots on and a glass of vodka in his hand. First he had his leg amputated, and then he had a stroke that left him completely paralyzed and unable to walk, talk, or even swallow. He spent four years in a nursing home, being fed through a tube in his stomach, unable to move, before he finally died. You'd think my MIL would have learned something from that, but no. She's in a wheelchair from a stroke, has difficulties with speech, is on a dozen meds for all her problems — and still drinks, smokes, and lives on junk food. At least she serves as a dramatic example to my kids of why we eat healthy food and get plenty of exercise.

 

Jackie

 

:iagree: Brilliant. This was my parents' philosophy 10 years ago (they were in their 60's) when my sisters and I tried to urge them into healthier eating and exercising. 'Oh, it doesn't matter, I want to die happy, blah blah blah'. Fast forward 10 years and my mom can't walk, she can hardly breathe, and she is miserable. I feel sorry for her, but she still won't change her habits and now she's too tired to enjoy her life, her grandkids, her retirement. It's been a slow, terrible decline that makes us all sad. And for what? Junk Food? Laziness? Was it really worth it?

 

Totally disgusted,

Margaret

[~Amanda~]

(Sorry, I know I haven't been here long, but I just HAVE to get this out before I scream! and the hubby has heard it before, so, flame suit on...)

 

I hate, hate, HATE it when people say this! It drives me INSANE!!!

 

Over the past three years, or so, I have done lots and LOTS of work on my diet b/c of health issues it was causing. Some of these issues are directly related to diet. Some issues, the biggest one, Insulin Resistance, is completely hereditary, but can be cured/prevented/fixed by eating a healthy diet. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER than I used to! I am SO MUCH HEALTHIER than I used to be, EVEN THOUGH, I am still overweight... working on that.

 

I will often talk to people about healthier food. I DO NOT force this on others. This usually comes up (with relative strangers/new people) when they ask why I won't let my child eat this or that. Or if they offer me something and I refuse (politely) and they inquire why. Or if someone in my group suggests lunch at McDonald's and I suggest something else, etc. That's a completely different rant: I'm so TIRED of feeling bad or "weird" b/c I don't want to put harmful chemicals in my child's body or feed him food that will set him up for health issues down the road! Is that SO HARD to understand?

 

Sometimes, it is SO COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that a certain health issue a person has (and complains about all. the. time.) is diet related, and so I share what I know in a polite non-judgmental manner.

 

When I'm with family and friends, it's usually a topic of conversation, we all get along fine. Not always agreeing, but we're cool and now our whole family eats a lot healthier. :D

 

But, inevitably, there is always some bozo who comes up with this piece of logical gold, "Well, we're all gonna die sometime!" And then they roll their eyes and stuff more artery hardening trans-fats in their faces. And I want to say to them......

 

"You know, it's very easy to say that NOW. But 10-15 years from now when your body starts failing at 50 years old, and you LOOK like you're 75, you're gonna be whining about all your ailments and wishing you had more time and energy to spend with your grandkids. THEN, you'll go to the Doctor and ask for some Magic Pill to fix it all, and I'm sure the Doctor will use every incredibly EXPENSIVE trick up his sleeve to try and erase the damage that you did to yourself. And EVERYONE ELSE will have to pay for all those high priced band-aids and deal with the rising costs of health care. Your kids will be stuck picking up your slack and it will stink for them b/c you will have probably indebted them with your same crappy eating habits, and so THEY will ALSO not be healthy."

 

*Take a deep breath*

 

What SHOULD happen, at that point in time, is that the Doctor should look you right in the eye and say, "You know what Mr. Smith? You have smoked your entire life and you drank like a fish. You drank soda like it was water and ate fast food every week. You scoffed at healthy food and that is why you're body isn't working anymore.... in short, you did this to yourself and there is nothing I can do to reverse 15 years of bad habits. So, sorry, but, WE ALL HAVE TO DIE SOMETIME! If you want to enjoy your remaining time on this Earth, however short or long, I suggest you start taking care of yourself, right now."

 

It just REALLY bugs me that SO many people just DO NOT CARE about what they put in their bodies!! My mom rants ALL the time (she's a dialysis nurse) about the people who come into her clinic to get Dialysis on the government's dime, THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A WEEK, every week; who still smoke. She has to give foot checks to diabetics who still drink soda and eat sugar. Plenty of these people can't even bother to BATHE regularly, yet we are paying THOUSANDS a week to keep them going.... and how far in debt are we?????

 

Kids now have a shorter life expectancy than the previous generations and they're getting adult diseases younger than ever before. Many of them can't even pass the physical requirements for the Armed Forces..... but hey, WE ALL GOTTA DIE SOMETIME, right?

 

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

I couldn't have said it better myself. My inspiration are the 60+ year old people who can STILL kick someone's butt lol, they stayed in shape, worked out, and ate right. and I'm a medical transcriptionist, I type reports on people in bad shape constantly, and I just couldn't be a doctor. I couldn't keep giving them pills so they can go home and not change anything.

[nd293]

I often think that people can be separated into those who can imagine (bad) consequences as affecting them, and those who can't. I grew up in a country with a high crime rate (at one stage we had the dubious distinction of coming third after Iraq and Columbia) - I took every story personally. I could imagine every one happening to me or mine. I left. But many, many people who can leave don't, because they don't do that. We all know by now that smoking is bad for us. But there are still those who cannot internalise that consequences are not selective. Sometimes this thinking can be good for us, I think - I am too often limited by my thinking because I consider that every bad thing might happen to me. I manage to stay in control of it, though - I can still get on a plane, for instance, and I still eat at MacDonald's, just not every week, but it could be paralysing. The key is finding a balance.

[Mejane]

That was my mother's philosophy. She died at 57 of various ailments related to smoking for thirty years.

[AlmiraGulch]

Ok, so just for the sake of another point of view:

 

I sort of agree with you.

 

Meaning, I think that people use that line to avoid facing the hard facts that the poor choices they're making are undoubtedly contributing to a lessened quality of life, even if they think the Twinkie or Big Mac is worth it for that minute. And how dare they try to impose their own choices and belief systems on me and my children! They should respect that while they can do what they want, so can I. And if I choose to limit the sugar and trans fats and additives and preservatives, then they should refrain from rolling their eyes and passing judgment on me.

 

BUT....I think the same thing applies to you. When you say that you usually try to "share what you know in a non-judgmental way," I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. Honestly, you sound quite judgmetal here. I am really very happy that you've made such wonderful and positive life changes and respect you for doing what so many others don't have the desire or willpower to do, but really....we all know that we'd be better off eating a salad than cheeseburger. We don't need you to enlighten us, even if it done so with the best of intentions. So as much as it makes you want to :banghead: when people use the "we all have to die some time" line (and I do know what you mean! I think it's absurd!), it also makes me want to :banghead: when others feel it's their duty to pass along unsolicited diet and health advice or knowledge. It feels very judgmental. I have a sister who, at the age of 52, has lost a ton of weight, over the last year, changed her diet completely and exercises daily. She looks amazing and feels great. But it took her til age 51 to do it. That was her time. I don't need to hear her "well meaning" advice or anecdotes on how the rest of us should do the same, because it's aggravating and none of her business.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to offer bit of a different perspective. I completely get yours and understand why it's frustrating (and share much of your frustration!) but there's another side to the coin that's equally aggravating.

[Murphy101]

Well I annoy the heck out of my mil bc she is always pushing fat free or reduced or faux sugar whatever. ALWAYS. She thinks I'm a bit obsessed with healthy food and she thinks this is healthy stuff.

 

I tell her all the time to just buy and make normal food. We prefer to die of natural causes.

 

For goodness sakes if a brownie is going to kill me, let it be a REAL sugar, real milk, real eggs, fresh from the oven brownie with real vanilla ice cream on top.

 

I do believe diet is import to health in many ways.

 

But I might not agree with what you think is healthy food.;)

 

Now, cyndi, whom I like, hits my nerve with meds though.

 

I would have such deep anger and hurt if my dh refused to take a pill that could improve his health enough to extend his time, and the quality of that time, with us in this life?

 

If it was truly invasive or had harsh side effects, I might feel differently. Very likely so.

 

Once many many years ago dh went through a funk of not wanting to check his sugar much. I just calmly noted that I was hurt he didn't think maintaining his life with us (kids and I) wasn't worth finger pricking. I wasn't saying it to guilt trip him, tho I guess it might have. I was being honest that I was truly hurt very much that pricking his fingers (which I don't deny can become very painful over time) was too much of a sacrifice to him at that time.:(

 

So I guess I see both sides of the coin?:confused:

[PiCO]

We just recently had a thread about McDonald's and them getting sued. Do you think it is ok for companies to manipulate children into eating bad food? If one thinks it is fine then why complain about paying for it?

 

I don't think McDonald's is manipulating children into eating bad food. I think parents need to take responsibility for what their children eat. Just because your kid sees a commercial and wants something doesn't mean they get it.

 

I have no problem with McDonald's commercials, but I haven't eaten there in about ten years.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Now, cyndi, whom I like, hits my nerve with meds though.

 

I would have such deep anger and hurt if my dh refused to take a pill that could improve his health enough to extend his time, and the quality of that time, with us in this life?

 

If it was truly invasive or had harsh side effects, I might feel differently. Very likely so.:confused:

 

 

I appreciate you pointing that out. I talked to my dh about it and about how I felt like, "It.Just.Doesn't.Matter". and how I realized how wrong and flawed that attitude/thought process is. He said,"Do you think that Dennis (my brother) might not have had TWELVE strokes if he had been taking his medication?" I agreed with that assessment.

 

One of the first things I thought when I read the OP was what my cousin says, "there is no one as self-righteous as an ex-smoker". :tongue_smilie:

 

OP, I get that this has been YOUR epiphany, but I really think that your freinds/family members are using ,"well, we all have to die sometime" as a nice way of trying to CHANGE THE SUBJECT. You may THINK that you are saying it nicely, but maybe that isn't how it is coming across to them, kwim?

[PiCO]

It's not just parties. It's snacks during sports. It snacks at play-dates. It's lunch before/during/after play-dates. It's visiting with extended family and them coming to visit. It's free candy at the Music shop. Snacks at AWANA. You get the idea!

 

Sounds like you need a new group of friends who thinks more like you.

[SilverMoonlight]

Ok, so just for the sake of another point of view:

 

I sort of agree with you.

 

Meaning, I think that people use that line to avoid facing the hard facts that the poor choices they're making are undoubtedly contributing to a lessened quality of life, even if they think the Twinkie or Big Mac is worth it for that minute. And how dare they try to impose their own choices and belief systems on me and my children! They should respect that while they can do what they want, so can I. And if I choose to limit the sugar and trans fats and additives and preservatives, then they should refrain from rolling their eyes and passing judgment on me.

 

BUT....I think the same thing applies to you. When you say that you usually try to "share what you know in a non-judgmental way," I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. Honestly, you sound quite judgmetal here. I am really very happy that you've made such wonderful and positive life changes and respect you for doing what so many others don't have the desire or willpower to do, but really....we all know that we'd be better off eating a salad than cheeseburger. We don't need you to enlighten us, even if it done so with the best of intentions. So as much as it makes you want to :banghead: when people use the "we all have to die some time" line (and I do know what you mean! I think it's absurd!), it also makes me want to :banghead: when others feel it's their duty to pass along unsolicited diet and health advice or knowledge. It feels very judgmental. I have a sister who, at the age of 52, has lost a ton of weight, over the last year, changed her diet completely and exercises daily. She looks amazing and feels great. But it took her til age 51 to do it. That was her time. I don't need to hear her "well meaning" advice or anecdotes on how the rest of us should do the same, because it's aggravating and none of her business.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to offer bit of a different perspective. I completely get yours and understand why it's frustrating (and share much of your frustration!) but there's another side to the coin that's equally aggravating.

:iagree:

[Corraleno]

we all know that we'd be better off eating a salad than cheeseburger...

Surprisingly, not everybody does know that (or believes it). And there are plenty of less "visible" dietary issues like trans fats, HFCS, artificial dyes & flavorings, preservatives, artificial sweeteners, etc., that many people have no clue about. Truly. I'm related to many of them. I have an adult niece who lives on potato chips, ramen, and diet soda and takes anxiety meds because she feels so jittery and awful all the time. I have an autistic niece and nephew who grew up eating nothing but cheap hot dogs, cheetos, sugary cereal and Hawaiian Punch. I tried to gently talk to my BIL about the additives and how bad these particular foods are for autistic kids, but he said he didn't really believe in that stuff ("I eat the same things and it hasn't hurt me" :glare:). I have another niece who's an aspie and her usual breakfast is a bowl of Fruit Loops and a mug of instant hot chocolate topped with a handful of multi-colored marshmallows. Her parents' idea of a "healthy snack" is rice crispie treats. It breaks my heart to see that kid eat an entire meal of corn syrup, dyes, artificial flavoring, and other garbage, with no nutritional content whatesoever, and then listen to complaints about how difficult and whiny she is. Sigh.

 

Jackie

[Night Elf]

BUT....I think the same thing applies to you. When you say that you usually try to "share what you know in a non-judgmental way," I'm sorry, but I don't buy it. Honestly, you sound quite judgmetal here.

 

:iagree: My first thought was along the lines of .. so you're annoyed that someone made an offensive statement to you based on the unsolicited well-intentioned advice you so kindly offered. I find that absolutely hilarious actually. :lol:

[5kidsforME]

:iagree: My first thought was along the lines of .. so you're annoyed that someone made an offensive statement to you based on the unsolicited well-intentioned advice you so kindly offered. I find that absolutely hilarious actually. :lol:

 

:iagree: Ironic.

[Murphy101]

One of the first things I thought when I read the OP was what my cousin says, "there is no one as self-righteous as an ex-smoker". :tongue_smilie:

 

OP, I get that this has been YOUR epiphany, but I really think that your freinds/family members are using ,"well, we all have to die sometime" as a nice way of trying to CHANGE THE SUBJECT. You may THINK that you are saying it nicely, but maybe that isn't how it is coming across to them, kwim?

 

Oh I agree. If they aren't asking for an opinion, keep mum!:iagree:

 

The only time I pull out the "we prefer to die of natural causes ;)" comment is when people respond to our "no thanks" to a food offer by pushing how it is supposedly healthy/ier food. That is annoying.

 

So is saying "it's just one..." or "aww, let them just be kids" or "enjoy life a little" Um, you have no idea what our diet has been like that day and I do think we enjoy life and let our kids be kids.:glare:

[Murphy101]

:iagree: My first thought was along the lines of .. so you're annoyed that someone made an offensive statement to you based on the unsolicited well-intentioned advice you so kindly offered. I find that absolutely hilarious actually. :lol:

 

LOL. Hadn't thought of it that way, but :iagree:

 

Goodness. Telling people how you think they could be healthier is touchy business. I mean, I love my husband. But if he commented on what I'm eating, even nicely expressing concern about my weight or whatever, oh yeah... Pretty sure that would not go over well. He sure isn't looking for a mommy figure to talk to him about his diet either.

 

Trying to picture the conversation.

 

Nope. Can't. It ain't pretty no matter how polite I make it.:D

[Daisy]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Seriously, if you really hear that response as often as you seem to, I might suggest that you are spending too much time and energy trying to influence other people, and that they are trying to politely change the subject.

 

Take care of you and your family's health and be content with the good you are doing there. And let others make their own choices.. really, people DO know about the dangers of obesity and smoking. It is THEIR choice.

 

Exactly. :iagree:

 

The only time I've ever heard this was when someone wanted to just drop the topic of conversation.

 

Most people don't enjoy having people tell them the things they need to change in their lives. They already know it. They just haven't reached a point where the pain of remaining the way they are outweighs the pain of changing.

[zaichiki]

And they don't understand why I can't let him have it "every now and then". It's not every now and then when it's every month, LOL! So, we bring our own stuff or just wait until we can make it home, or a healthy place to eat. But it can't ever be left at that! They take it as a personal insult and keep talking about it, like the crazy one is ME!

 

I agree: that's what you have to do. We bring food *everywhere* we go (and I have been known to feed my children boxed brownies!) b/c two of my kids have certain dietary restrictions.

 

A friend of mine had the *perfect* solution. She always brought homemade treats everywhere with her -- enough for ALL the kids -- and they usually looked better than what was served. Her kids never felt left out 'cause everyone wanted to eat *their* special (dietary restrictions due to severe allergies) food. The parents never got on her case, either.

[lamamaloca]

I do think that eating healthy and caring for oneself in general is important, BUT you can do everything "right" and still die a horrible, painful death. You may be less likely to, but you're not guaranteed a nice ending.

[zaichiki]

The key is finding a balance.

 

:iagree:

[annandatje]

Was the woman too frail to bathe without assistance? Not everyone is fortunate enough to have access to home health assistance. I find it difficult to believe that the lethal catheter-related infection had anything to do with not bathing. Perhaps the bacterial infection itself was the cause of her foul odor.

 

I am convinced that people of average intelligence and above know how to access information about healthy living if they so desire. If I want information on whole foods cooking or on vegan meals, I know which friends to ask. Thankfully they do not offer unsolicited advice.

 

Part of the problem with persuading people to eat health and exercise is that the health related problems do not creep up on them usually until a few decades later. However, if you drive recklessly or climb mountains in unstable weather or swin around chum, the risk is immediate.

 

If I choose life extending treatments when I am chronically or terminally ill or terribly injured from doing something stupid, I truly hope my caregivers do not scrutinize my habits or actions only to fully blame me for my condition and deem me a drain on taxpayers.

 

I do understand your frustration about our society's social activities being centered around food. As homeschoolers we never really had a problem with junk food overload at events. Even when kids were in public or private schools, we could take fresh cut up vegetables or fruits to school parties.

 

If you keep the company of people whose values more closely resemble your own, you may be less frustrated.

[TravelingChris]

I just hate it when people have the so-called majoc answer for your problems. So I don't do it to others. I don't smoke and know smoking is bad for you. I don't lecture people anyway. I know that not eating any veggies or fruit is bad for one. I don't lecture anyway. BUt here is what gets me. SOmeone might look at me in the fellowship time and want to say something to me while I eat a cookie. IF they ever do, they will get not get a good reaction from me. You see, this year I developed deep vein thrombosis. It is an interesting condition since it is one of the few (actually I don;t really know how many are like it but I haven't heard of more than one other) where being overweight is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good thing since your survival rate is much better than normal weight people and fantastically better than thin people. Another disease I am at risk for is also lessened by being overweight-osteoporosis. Now are others harmed- yes, my RA would be less painful with less weight, my GERD symptoms would probably decrease (though they are actually mostly from another disease I have). As it is, I am trying to very slowly lose a little, but that cookie is in my plan and it isn't your place or anyone elses to make a comment. I, for example, cannot eat hardly any cruciferous or dark leafy greens. Why? Because they will kill me. My dd has to eat salt- why? Because she has very low blood pressure at times and passes out. Don't tell us how to eat. We know better than you do what is right for us and our medical conditions.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[AlmiraGulch]

I love how I've gone from lecturing people with unsolicited advice to telling people with medical conditions how to eat. :glare:

 

I'm sorry, I thought this was a community where people could share their ideas and frustrations. I know that I have read through DOZENS of vents and frustrations and kept my negative assumptions to MYself. After all, one can never really know how a person is in REAL life based off of one post full of incoherent ramblings about several things that have been on one persons mind for a few days. SHEESH!

You can! We all do!

 

But you also have to be open to hearing different perspectives. It is a public forum, after all. You won't agree with them all, but maybe someone in some post somewhere will present you with something you may not have considered before, and isn't that a good thing?

[Tiberia]

I wouldn't worry about it.

 

You just hit a social hotspot that brings out a lot of opinions and ideas. It was a vent. You vented. I hope you feel better for it.

 

But once you start a thread, it can take on a life of its own. Don't take it personally.

 

I'm enjoying reading the thread your vent prompted. It's always interesting for me to read other people's ideas here because we don't all think alike. That's kinda cool.

[Night Elf]

I love how I've gone from lecturing people with unsolicited advice to telling people with medical conditions how to eat. :glare:

 

My comment was based on this sentence that you wrote: "Sometimes, it is SO COMPLETELY OBVIOUS that a certain health issue a person has (and complains about all. the. time.) is diet related, and so I share what I know in a polite non-judgmental manner."

 

I've talked to people who think their answers are completely obvious as well. I disagreed with them. If I listened to every well-meaning diet advice I've heard, I would not be eating any meat, dairy, fish or carbs. I just have no desire to eat like a rabbit. Like a friend of my DH's said once: Salad is not food, it's what food eats. :lol: And lest that offend anyone, I do happen to like salad, but only if spinach is used. I hate iceberg lettuce.

[Mrs Mungo]

My dh runs marathons. So do several ladies on this board. I don't run marathons. I run short distances and slowly. I am very grateful for the encouragement I have received without people telling I should be doing more. After all, it's for my health!!! They meet me where I am. I find that helpful, useful and encouraging.

[StaceyinLA]

I totally agree with what you are saying OP, and I hear it from various people in my life, all of whom have terrible habits (one being my hubby).

 

My response to the, "We gotta die sometime comment," is that it's not the dying part; it's the living part that's the issue. Are you really enjoying life when you're incapable of doing anything anymore?

 

Furthermore, there are certainly things we cannot control. I can eat perfectly, exercise every day, and be totally diligent about eliminating all garbage from my life, and then get killed in an accident. That is certainly true, and it is certainly beyond my control. My diet and exercise, however, is totally WITHIN my control, so why not do what I can to make it the best it can be for my health?

[GypsieFamily]

I, for example, cannot eat hardly any cruciferous or dark leafy greens. Why? Because they will kill me. Don't tell us how to eat. We know better than you do what is right for us and our medical conditions.

 

I would like to prefix my comment by saying I am NOT giving you dietary advice.

 

I am presuming since you said dvt that the quoted comment is due to warfarin. Did you know, that you can actually choose what diet you want as though regular blood tests are to tailor the dose to YOUR body and YOUR diet. The key is to be consistent. There actually aren't any foods you can't eat, just some that will make you need a higher or lower dose.

[unsinkable]

I just hate it when people have the so-called majoc answer for your problems. So I don't do it to others. I don't smoke and know smoking is bad for you. I don't lecture people anyway. I know that not eating any veggies or fruit is bad for one. I don't lecture anyway. BUt here is what gets me. SOmeone might look at me in the fellowship time and want to say something to me while I eat a cookie. IF they ever do, they will get not get a good reaction from me. You see, this year I developed deep vein thrombosis. It is an interesting condition since it is one of the few (actually I don;t really know how many are like it but I haven't heard of more than one other) where being overweight is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good thing since your survival rate is much better than normal weight people and fantastically better than thin people. Another disease I am at risk for is also lessened by being overweight-osteoporosis. Now are others harmed- yes, my RA would be less painful with less weight, my GERD symptoms would probably decrease (though they are actually mostly from another disease I have). As it is, I am trying to very slowly lose a little, but that cookie is in my plan and it isn't your place or anyone elses to make a comment. I, for example, cannot eat hardly any cruciferous or dark leafy greens. Why? Because they will kill me. My dd has to eat salt- why? Because she has very low blood pressure at times and passes out. Don't tell us how to eat. We know better than you do what is right for us and our medical conditions.

 

I know this is a typo, now, but when I first read it, I was wracking my brain wondering what this new MAJOC answer might be. :lol:

 

I know we've "talked" about this before, Chris. "OOOOH, did your DD try the new ketogenic diet?!!? I saw it on Dateline!!!"

[unsinkable]

I love how I've gone from lecturing people with unsolicited advice to telling people with medical conditions how to eat. :glare:

 

I'm sorry, I thought this was a community where people could share their ideas and frustrations. I know that I have read through DOZENS of vents and frustrations and kept my negative assumptions to MYself. After all, one can never really know how a person is in REAL life based off of one post full of incoherent ramblings about several things that have been on one persons mind for a few days. SHEESH!

 

It's OK! You can post your vents.

 

Sometimes the intensity and content of the vent relates to the the intensity and content of the replies.

 

You sound like you can hold your own with people who don't agree with you. :D

[KatieH]

 

Seriously, if you really hear that response as often as you seem to, I might suggest that you are spending too much time and energy trying to influence other people, and that they are trying to politely change the subject.

 

Take care of you and your family's health and be content with the good you are doing there. And let others make their own choices.. really, people DO know about the dangers of obesity and smoking. It is THEIR choice.

 

 

ITA. People also don't always have the same ideas of what constitutes a healthy diet. I think the government's food pyramid is a sick joke and veganism makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration. But there are plenty of people who disagree and think my way of eating (traditional foods) is wrong.

 

And you're free to vent, just like others are free to disagree with your vent :001_smile:

 

 

Food is the new religion. I swear. I don't even go there with people anymore.

 

Very true!