WWYD in this (social) situation

[plain jane]

This has been on my mind for some time and I'm wondering what you would do in this situation.

 

You're invited to a get-together for the holidays at a friend's house. There are many people there- a LOT, but you don't know any of them save for 2 women that you've met once prior. Your friend is busy with all her guests, which is understandable.

 

In the main living room, there are two couches and, because of the size of the party, a group of 4 chairs has been added on the other side of the room.

 

You enter the room and there's nobody on either couch but there are 4 women sitting together talking on the chairs. You've never seen three of them before but you have met the one lady once. They're all engrossed in conversation and it's clear the know each other from prior to this party. None really notice that you've entered the room, save looking at you.

 

Right after you enter the room, the second lady that you've met once before (who is good friends with the other lady you've met) goes to join the group & sits down on the floor in front of them and joins in the conversation. It is clear they all know each other and are very comfortable with each other's company.

 

What would you do?

Would you go and join her and sit on the floor and make yourself a part of the conversation?

 

Would you walk over and join in on the conversation while standing (hovering really) above them and feeling awkwardly tall (there is no spare chair anywhere else in this room or surrounding rooms)?

 

Sit on one of the nearest couch and hope they'll notice you and invite you to join their conversation?

 

Sit on the nearest couch and listen in on what they're saying and add your two bits in when you can, so you can try to make your way into the conversation? It's obvious you are a good distance to really be a part of the conversation and they are turned facing each-other, including the lady on the floor, who has her back to the nearest couch.

 

Sit on the nearest couch and pretend to be occupied with something else and hope that somebody else decides to enter the room?

 

This is a family party so there are groups of men and women and random children around. Your family is not there but that is not an awkward thing. There are conversations going on in other rooms, but most of the people are outdoors due to nice weather but due to reasons I don't want to get into, you don't want to be outside. :)

 

FWIW, the conversation was about a topic you know really nothing about so really you have nothing of value to add but you there's enough you could say to not look like a fool.

 

I really wasn't sure what to do in this situation and am curious if others would have acted like I did or if I'm just completely weird. :001_huh:

Edited January 2, 2011 by plain jane

[Renee in NC]

Honestly, it depends. If they were discussing something I wasn't remotely interested in, I'd go hang out with the men.:lol:

 

If I felt comfortable at the party, I would go sit on the floor with them and hope that the person I knew would attempt to introduce me.

 

If I didn't feel comfortable, I would probably go find another group that seemed easier to join in.

[RoughCollie]

You're invited to a get-together for the holidays at a friend's house. There are many people there- a LOT, but you don't know any of them save for 2 women that you've met once prior.

 

I can tell you right now that I would not have attended that party. There is no way even wild horses could have dragged me to an event at which I knew only two people. No Matter What. Your dilemma explains why.

 

I think you were Extremely Brave to go there at all.

[2_girls_mommy]

probably this:

 

Sit on the nearest couch and listen in on what they're saying and add your two bits in when you can, so you can try to make your way into the conversation? It's obvious you are a good distance to really be a part of the conversation and they are turned facing each-other, including the lady on the floor, who has her back to the nearest couch.

 

 

 

If an opportunity to join in didn't happen, and they continued to not talk to me, then I would eventually probably then wander off.

[ktgrok]

I'd walk over, say hi to the woman I know, and ask "mind if I join you?"

[Parrothead]

I'd be w/Renee and the men.

 

If dh wasn't there at all, I'd wander around and see if I could find some other lost soul.

[plain jane]

I'd be w/Renee and the men.

 

If dh wasn't there at all, I'd wander around and see if I could find some other lost soul.

 

Sadly, there were no other lost souls. :001_huh: I was the only one who didn't know anybody else there.

[joannqn]

I'd walk over, say hi to the woman I know, and ask "mind if I join you?"

 

 

This, if I was feeling well.

 

If I was tired, I'd probably hang out on the couch on my own until someone joined me and then talk to them.

[BigMamaBird]

I'd go, say hi to the lady I knew and introduce myself to the others then listen to their conversation. I was helplessly shy in Middle School and was miserable because of it. Over the years I've learned that if I put forward a confident, friendly face, most people are usually receptive and friendly themselves. It's taken years, but I'm getting there.:D

[classicHSmom]

Just reading this is making my heart race. I don't think that I would have even gone to the party. As a previous poster said, you are a brave woman. I'd love to hear what you ended up doing.

[StephanieZ]

I love the bravery & extroversion of the ladies who'd introduce themselves, but I doubt I could do it in that exact scenario.

 

If they were *standing* in a group, I could probably get the nerve to wander over, giving it a couple minutes to work my way in or else run away.

 

But, in that scenario, I would:

 

1) regret my idiocy in attending

2) find the hostess & offer my hands to help. I'd be general & specific. . . "Please put me to work! Let me chop that for you. . . How can I help?"

 

If she doesn't jump at my offers, then. . .

 

A) if she's a dear friend, I'd be clear: "Please, hon, I don't know anyone. Give me a job so I can avoid a panic attack!" Having work to do would keep me busy. . . until I was either more comfy or could leave.

 

B) If she's not a dear friend. . . then I'd probably be counting the time until I could make a graceful exit (60 minutes tops) and while biding my time. . .I'd probably take frequent wandering trips to the bathroom, the yard, maybe feel the need to retie my shoes. . . hoping each change of scenery would both kill time & present a new chance to say HI to one of the women I did know. (I'd keep my eye on them, stalking them if they moved away from their group. . .)

 

In either event, unless this was a formal event (with caterers or other hired staff), I'd keep my hands busy clearing dishes, washing dishes (there are nearly always dishes to be done), etc. . .

[RoughCollie]

I'd walk over, say hi to the woman I know, and ask "mind if I join you?"

 

What would happen then? Would they say yes? Would they act okay then after a minute or two, scatter?

 

I think my biggest fear is the fear of rejection. If you knew me IRL, you'd never guess, but that's because I avoid those fearful situations like the plague.

[ChristusG]

First, There's no way I would have attended that party LOL. Second, if I had to be there, I would have just sat on the couch and preoccupied myself with my iPhone.

[Sevilla]

Right after you enter the room, the second lady that you've met once before (who is good friends with the other lady you've met) goes to join the group & sits down on the floor in front of them and joins in the conversation. It is clear they all know each other and are very comfortable with each other's company.

 

What would you do?

Would you go and join her and sit on the floor and make yourself a part of the conversation?

(haven't read the other responses) Walk over, say hello to the two ladies you have met, sit down on the floor (perhaps with a quick comment like "mind if I join you?") and then spend most of the conversation listening and giving positive body language that indicates interest in them and a desire to remain in the circle.

 

The other options are too passive and will likely mean you remain outside the conversation - if you want to be part of it, it requires more initiation from you at first (but by not jumping in and dominating it with your own conversation, that shows tact and a 'getting to know you' period :)).

 

ETA: I'm pretty extroverted with strong social skills, so I would feel comfortable doing the above and have done it numerous times at other parties/get togethers. I don't mind being at parties where I don't know other people bc I like to make small talk and it doesn't make me nervous.

[kokotg]

There used to be a band in Atlanta called Big Fish Ensemble, and they had a song called, "I Hate Parties," with lyrics like, "I wish I'd stayed at home and watched TV / I hate parties more than anything." I agree with them. I'm another vote for sit on the couch and play with my iphone, wondering how much longer before it's socially acceptable for me to leave.

[praisefor3]

What WOULD I do? Feel awkward, uncomfortable and wish so much I was at home. BUT what do I WISH I would do? What BigMamaBird and ktgrok would do. Those kind of people don't sit around feeling awkward and left out. They include themselves, are usually always welcomed in, end up having a lot more fun than me and make new friends. Unfortunately it is quite common for others not to think of including you. People like ktgrok and BMB have found a way to help others be better people and everyone wins. I want to be like that.

[specialmama]

It would depend on how gutsy I was feeling at the moment. Like Stephanie suggested, I'd probably approach the hostess and beg her to put me to work, preferably walking around everyone with a tray of goodies so that I had a purpose and could get to do idle chat with everyone. Failing that, I'd actually engage myself with the men or the kids. I don't think I could sit on the couch though, because in my mind, that would be making a spectacle out of my aloneness. :tongue_smilie:

[alpidarkomama]

I'd run out of there, go home, find my best jammies, and read a good book. :lol: I hate being at social functions where I only know one or two people. I really don't do chit-chat very well. But give me a room with a few good friends and I'll sit there and shmooze all night long. :)

[kalanamak]

Sadly, there were no other lost souls. :001_huh: I was the only one who didn't know anybody else there.

 

The men, or helping out in the kitchen. I went to one large, large party where I knew only one person, who was the life of the party. I washed all the dishes, and even mopped the floor. Periodically, I'd have a little chat with someone looking for ice. Sometime I can find another shy person.....but mostly, I don't go to parties.

[2_girls_mommy]

I said I would sit on the couch. It is funny though to me that that would be awkward to someone. That isn't uncomfortable to me at all. I would listen in to see if the conversation interested me. If it didn't, then I would go find something that did. It wouldn't make me feel alone. Being alone doesn't bother me. I like to people watch.

 

Just wanted to clarify.

[ChristusG]

I said I would sit on the couch. It is funny though to me that that would be awkward to someone. That isn't uncomfortable to me at all. I would listen in to see if the conversation interested me. If it didn't, then I would go find something that did. It wouldn't make me feel alone. Being alone doesn't bother me. I like to people watch.

 

Just wanted to clarify.

 

 

Being alone doesn't bother me either. However, what makes me uncomfortable is when someone *thinks* that I must be uncomfortable sitting alone and they come over and try to talk to me....not necessarily because they want to talk to me, but because they feel bad that I'm sitting alone LOL.

[BigMamaBird]

What WOULD I do? Feel awkward, uncomfortable and wish so much I was at home. BUT what do I WISH I would do? What BigMamaBird and ktgrok would do. Those kind of people don't sit around feeling awkward and left out. They include themselves, are usually always welcomed in, end up having a lot more fun than me and make new friends. Unfortunately it is quite common for others not to think of including you. People like ktgrok and BMB have found a way to help others be better people and everyone wins. I want to be like that.

 

But see, that's the thing. People you meet at parties, you'll probably never see again in your life. So if you make a huge faux pas then whoopity-do. It helps to think that they may be just as uncomfortable as you, they're just really good at putting on an act. And that's all I'm doing. Those kind of situations are very uncomfortable for me, so I fake it. I paste on a smile, remember not to talk about anything controversial and try to find something they like to talk about and let them do all the work, just smile and nod.

[aggieamy]

I can tell you right now that I would not have attended that party. There is no way even wild horses could have dragged me to an event at which I knew only two people. No Matter What. Your dilemma explains why.

 

I think you were Extremely Brave to go there at all.

 

:iagree:

 

I love the bravery & extroversion of the ladies who'd introduce themselves, but I doubt I could do it in that exact scenario.

 

If they were *standing* in a group, I could probably get the nerve to wander over, giving it a couple minutes to work my way in or else run away.

 

But, in that scenario, I would:

 

1) regret my idiocy in attending

2) find the hostess & offer my hands to help. I'd be general & specific. . . "Please put me to work! Let me chop that for you. . . How can I help?"

 

If she doesn't jump at my offers, then. . .

 

A) if she's a dear friend, I'd be clear: "Please, hon, I don't know anyone. Give me a job so I can avoid a panic attack!" Having work to do would keep me busy. . . until I was either more comfy or could leave.

 

B) If she's not a dear friend. . . then I'd probably be counting the time until I could make a graceful exit (60 minutes tops) and while biding my time. . .I'd probably take frequent wandering trips to the bathroom, the yard, maybe feel the need to retie my shoes. . . hoping each change of scenery would both kill time & present a new chance to say HI to one of the women I did know. (I'd keep my eye on them, stalking them if they moved away from their group. . .)

 

In either event, unless this was a formal event (with caterers or other hired staff), I'd keep my hands busy clearing dishes, washing dishes (there are nearly always dishes to be done), etc. . .

 

Oh yeah. This too. I'm a great help at parties because it gives me something to do without having to be social. :D

 

Now if I know lots of people then I can be great fun at parties but if I don't then I'm hiding in the bathroom wishing the hostess got better magazines.

[ktgrok]

What would happen then? Would they say yes? Would they act okay then after a minute or two, scatter?

 

I think my biggest fear is the fear of rejection. If you knew me IRL, you'd never guess, but that's because I avoid those fearful situations like the plague.

 

They would say yes, because that is how the rules of civility work. I mean, worst case scenario is they don't like me. If they enjoy talking to each other then they would tolerate me anyway, just to be polite.

 

Honestly, I was REALLY shy most of my life. I was always afraid people wouldn't like me. Honestly, I was often terrified. I even worried that my friends didn't like me. Eventually I just started "acting as if" I was an extrovert. I also learned to copy what I saw others doing, and what I saw on TV. Yes, it scares me to walk up to someone new and say "mind if I join you", but you know what? What actually happens is that they think I'm really cool to be so confident and extroverted :)

 

Katie

[snickelfritz]

Aggieamy copied the two posts that I wanted to copy. In the interest of saving space, I ditto all three.

 

I wouldn't go and if I found myself stuck there, I'd get endless refills that I didn't want and end up on endless trips to the bathroom. I-phones are really helpful for this situation.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I can tell you right now that I would not have attended that party. There is no way even wild horses could have dragged me to an event at which I knew only two people. No Matter What. Your dilemma explains why.

 

I think you were Extremely Brave to go there at all.

 

This... :tongue_smilie:

[Mrs Mungo]

I would say "do you mind if I join you," and introduce myself to the people I didn't know. I get to start all over in this process in another month. Luckily, I'm not an introvert and I'm not shy. I do this all the time. I can almost always find someone to talk to. Sometimes I find one person that I click with and we become friends for life.

 

FWIW, most people are afraid of rejection, just keep that in mind when you meet new people. If you can't think of anything to say, ask them about themselves.

[Heather in AL]

This has been on my mind for some time and I'm wondering what you would do in this situation.

 

You're invited to a get-together for the holidays at a friend's house. There are many people there- a LOT, but you don't know any of them save for 2 women that you've met once prior. Your friend is busy with all her guests, which is understandable.

 

*snip*

What would you do?

 

Honestly, only really knowing the hostess (the others don't 'count' having only met them once), I wouldn't have gone at all.

 

 

Honestly, I was REALLY shy most of my life. I was always afraid people wouldn't like me. Honestly, I was often terrified. I even worried that my friends didn't like me. Eventually I just started "acting as if" I was an extrovert. I also learned to copy what I saw others doing, and what I saw on TV. Yes, it scares me to walk up to someone new and say "mind if I join you", but you know what? What actually happens is that they think I'm really cool to be so confident and extroverted :)

Katie

 

:iagree: I was very shy until I was about 16, and we moved. No one in my new school/town knew I was shy, so I pretended to be outgoing. I looked people in the eye and talked to anyone who made eye contact with me. Over time, I actually enjoyed talking to people and no one I know now believes me when I tell them I used to be severely shy because, according to them, I'm "so confident".

 

Even though I could talk the paint off of walls, I wouldn't have gone to that party. If I make the effort to go out, I want to have fun, and going to someone's house where I really don't know anyone isn't my idea of fun, so I would have just stayed home and offered my excuses.

 

That said, however, that wasn't an option listed, so if I had *wanted* to join the ladies, I would have walked up and asked 'may I join you?" and introduced myself if I received a "yes". If the reply was along the lines of "sure, but our conversation might bore you" or something similar that hinted at a private conversation, I would have either wandered and found what the men were talking about, hung out with kids, or asked the hostess to help out. I wouldn't have been happy on the couch alone with my phone. I would have wanted to be at home with a book. :tongue_smilie:

[LauraGB]

Are you alone there, or did you go with dh? Honestly, I'm so much the introvert, it would be hard enough to get me to go with dh or a friend, and some one's life would have to be on the line for me to go by myself.

 

If no partner, I would head straight to the bathroom and breathe for a while. Then I'd head to the kitchen and offer to help in any way possible. If not, I'd meander over to the men; they are much more accepting than the women.

[elegantlion]

But, in that scenario, I would:

 

1) regret my idiocy in attending

2) find the hostess & offer my hands to help. I'd be general & specific. . . "Please put me to work! Let me chop that for you. . . How can I help?"

 

If she doesn't jump at my offers, then. . .

 

A) if she's a dear friend, I'd be clear: "Please, hon, I don't know anyone. Give me a job so I can avoid a panic attack!" Having work to do would keep me busy. . . until I was either more comfy or could leave.

 

B) If she's not a dear friend. . . then I'd probably be counting the time until I could make a graceful exit (60 minutes tops) and while biding my time. . .I'd probably take frequent wandering trips to the bathroom, the yard, maybe feel the need to retie my shoes. . . hoping each change of scenery would both kill time & present a new chance to say HI to one of the women I did know. (I'd keep my eye on them, stalking them if they moved away from their group. . .)

.

 

This. I can fake being an extrovert, but not for long. I usually start to stutter and say something stupid.

 

What would happen then? Would they say yes? Would they act okay then after a minute or two, scatter?

 

I think my biggest fear is the fear of rejection. If you knew me IRL, you'd never guess, but that's because I avoid those fearful situations like the plague.

 

 

:iagree: I picture all those stupid high school movies where the girls all scatter after a few minutes of me standing with them, while they snicker under their breath.

 

I'd probably go hang out with the guys too. I find men much easier to talk to. Of course then I'd be paranoid that they other women would be thinking I was flirting with their husbands, so I end up back helping the hostess. Or leave and hope I didn't buy a new outfit for the party.

[elfgivas]

for me, what works is

"when in doubt, be useful"

so i would help the hostess.

 

and if there were food that needed to go out or be passed, then i could approach the group with food and join that way.

 

most people love to talk, so asking good questions and listening work for me.

 

hth,

ann

[Snickerdoodle]

 

What would you do?

Would you go and join her and sit on the floor and make yourself a part of the conversation?

 

This is exactly what I would have done and have done many a time.

[radiobrain]

Well.... I definitely would not go sit on the floor to join in. I don't sit on floors. I wouldn't be able to get up! :D (bad knees)

 

If the conversation were boring, something I could not somehow insert something into etc, after a few minutes of sitting on the couch, I would go find someone else to talk to. If 5 people in the same room can't find a way to be kind...I really wouldn't feel like talking to them anyway. ;)

 

Most likely I would have found the men and hung out with them.

 

I am one of those odd birds, inside I am excruciatingly shy, but I am driven to all sorts of interaction. On stage, at a party, at the grocery store etc etc. I will break the ice with anyone. I do however, inwardly cringe at almost everything I say, and keep myself up at night going over dumb stuff that came out of my mouth. :tongue_smilie:

[MBM]

I've thrown a number of parties. As the hostess I felt it was my job to make sure no one felt excluded. If someone didn't know others or was off in a corner standing alone, I would have them stick with me while I tried to engage them in a discussion with other people who had similar interests and backgrounds, etc.

 

Had I been in your shoes, I would've downed two beers and joined the other women. But honestly, I think the hostess should have seen that you didn't know anyone and helped you out a bit.

[ereks mom]

I'd go, say hi to the lady I knew and introduce myself to the others then listen to their conversation. I was helplessly shy in Middle School and was miserable because of it. Over the years I've learned that if I put forward a confident, friendly face, most people are usually receptive and friendly themselves. It's taken years, but I'm getting there.:D

 

:iagree: Same here.

[nono]

I said I would sit on the couch. It is funny though to me that that would be awkward to someone. That isn't uncomfortable to me at all. I would listen in to see if the conversation interested me. If it didn't, then I would go find something that did. It wouldn't make me feel alone. Being alone doesn't bother me. I like to people watch.

 

Just wanted to clarify.

 

I would do the same. I'm very extroverted, but I also don't try to insert myself where there's some body language that says perhaps now isn't the time to do that. I'd take the time to relax and recharge right there on the couch. If, after 10 -15 min., nothing happened, I'd change my venue, and repeat. Three strike outs, and I'd decide this wasn't the group for me, and plan my departure.

 

I love going to places where I don't know anyone, and it usually turns out great! Occasionally, there's a clunker of a party, though. I usually come away quite rested, because I don't try to force it when the others' attitudes show that they aren't open to new people.

Edited January 4, 2011 by nono
'cause I forgot part of my last sentence!

[Perry]

I can tell you right now that I would not have attended that party.

:iagree:

I'd rather have a root canal than attend a party where I didn't know anyone.

[2cents]

I'd walk over, say hi to the woman I know, and ask "mind if I join you?"

 

:iagree:

[Hockey Mom]

I strike up conversations with strangers everywhere I go. LOL No doubt, I would have introduced myself to these ladies and asked if I could join in.

 

There are few things I am exceptional at, but networking is one of those things that always come easy to me. Mostly because I ask generic questions about the other person, and I'm a pretty good listener.

[Carol in Cal.]

I would smile a lot!

 

I would walk up to the woman I knew slightly in the group, and say hi and sit down by her. Then I would introduce myself to everyone else in the group if no one did it for me (waiting for a break in the conversation, and saying, "Hi, I'm Cathy--I didn't catch your name?").

 

I would spend about 10 minutes there, and if I was not included and couldn't really join into the conversation, I would excuse myself and go help the hostess a bit. If I could do this by serving stuff, I would be smiling at everyone who I served, and saying hi, but not introducing myself. Almost certainly someone would be talking about something I was interested in. I'd join that conversation. Again, I'd probably give it about 10 minutes. If that wasn't 'good', I'd feel I had done my duty and take my leave. 30-45 minutes is a reasonable time to stay to be polite, and if you're not enjoying yourself or getting to know anyone in that amount of time, it's probably not going to happen later.

 

Having said that, I usually gauge the success of my own entertaining by people not wanting to leave.

[Pretty in Pink]

I would walk over, smile, introduce myself to the group, and ask if I could join their conversation. I am an introvert and I do find it tiring to put myself out there but it has gotten much easier over the years.