Too Harsh? (ADD Issue)

[goldberry]

I have a DD11 in 6th grade who I have realized this past year has ADD issues. We have constant problems with work not being finished completely.

 

Two examples just to give you an idea:

1. Question says, List three types of whatever and give an example of each. DD lists the three types but no examples.

2. When she gives me a rough draft of a paper, we edit it together, she goes back and makes only about half of the corrections (which are marked in red ink on the paper). Sometimes it takes three or four times before she makes all the corrections.

 

You get the idea! I have worked together with her on numerous coping strategies. After she does each assignment, I have her one or more times go back and re-read to make sure she answered all parts. I have asked her when editing to check off each correction so she gets them all. We still have constant issues.

 

So, although I know there is an ADD issue going on, I also feel like she is not putting in ANY personal effort on this. DD is formerly public schooled, so she absolutely HATES doing any work on the weekend.

 

I finally told her that for certain issues like a) not answering the question completely, and b) not making all the corrections on a paper, she will have to do those items on Saturday. Note, I am still doing all the same things to help her, such as asking her multiple times before she turns in a paper to me, "Did you read the question again, etc."

 

She totally freaked on me, gave me the "meanest mom" thing, the whole deal. Says I am punishing her for simple mistakes that she can't help.

 

I don't want to punish her for ADD issues. But I also expect her to WORK WITH ME, and to put in some effort on her own. How do you make that distinction? Am I being too harsh?

[TravelingChris]

Is she on medication? IF she is not and really does have ADHD, it came make a tremendous difference in getting work done and generally how they behave.

[goldberry]

She's not on medication, as I haven't felt that the ADD has interfered with her life enough to warrant that. Also, she definitely is ADD without hyperactivity (which I understand is more common in girls.)

 

I am not anti-medication, but definitely am dedicated to working on coping strategies first before we would reach that point.

[Lady Florida.]

She's not on medication, as I haven't felt that the ADD has interfered with her life enough to warrant that. Also, she definitely is ADD without hyperactivity (which I understand is more common in girls.)

 

I am not anti-medication, but definitely am dedicated to working on coping strategies first before we would reach that point.

 

 

First let me say this: I'm not trying to talk you into medication, because I hate it when people try to talk me out of it. It's a very personal decision that should be made by the parents, and no one else has any business getting involved, unless you've asked them to.

 

Also, my son has ADHD which is very different. Not choosing medication for a child with ADD is not the same as not choosing it for a child with ADHD. But...

 

It might be something to try. Medication alone is never the answer, and you would still need to help her learn coping strategies. The medication can allow her to focus enough to learn those strategies, then if you feel she's ready, you can discontinue the meds. Medication can make a child with ADD or ADHD feel, possibly for the first time in his or her life, capable of following through and getting things done (because it allows the focus that is lacking). It can help a child not feel so bad about herself, because she can finally do what everyone else thinks should be easy for her.

 

It's just something to think about.

[Murphy101]

I don't think you ae being too harsh.

[Carrie12345]

Multi-step directions are unlikely to ever be an ADDer's forte! You could try breaking the tasks down into smaller pieces and/or setting up check lists for each individual step.

 

Personally, at that age, I'd give medication a whirl. I'll be upfront and say that neither my 7yo nor I are on meds right now, but they do have their place, particularly when self-esteem is being impacted.

 

If you truly think she does have ADD, you need to consider it a legitimate disability. If another part of her body didn't function "normally", you wouldn't depend on continually pointing out how to use that body part in a "normal" manner. Instead, you would give her tools to work around the problem WHILE ALSO trying to strengthen the weak area.

[LittleIzumi]

First let me say this: I'm not trying to talk you into medication, because I hate it when people try to talk me out of it. It's a very personal decision that should be made by the parents, and no one else has any business getting involved, unless you've asked them to.

 

Also, my son has ADHD which is very different. Not choosing medication for a child with ADD is not the same as not choosing it for a child with ADHD. But...

 

It might be something to try. Medication alone is never the answer, and you would still need to help her learn coping strategies. The medication can allow her to focus enough to learn those strategies, then if you feel she's ready, you can discontinue the meds. Medication can make a child with ADD or ADHD feel, possibly for the first time in his or her life, capable of following through and getting things done (because it allows the focus that is lacking). It can help a child not feel so bad about herself, because she can finally do what everyone else thinks should be easy for her.

 

It's just something to think about.

 

:iagree: Dh now has many more strategies to complete his college coursework... but before he started his ADD meds it was practically impossible. He tried and dropped out 4 times. Now he can finally do it. He WANTED to do it before. But he needed the meds to be able to actually follow through, to implement a successful strategy and not freak out.

[laurad1125]

My ds just turned 12 and is very likely to miss some of the directions (like not giving the requested examples.) What I do is have him read the instructions to himself and then tell me, in his own words, what he needs to do. If he's missing something I tell him, "You missed a part. Try again." and we repeat as many times as needed. I may draw his attention to the 2nd sentence or give some other clue about where he should focus. Over time, he's figured out that I'm not going to let him go do the assignment until he can tell me what he's supposed to do and it's taking less repetition.

[Catwoman]

I finally told her that for certain issues like a) not answering the question completely, and b) not making all the corrections on a paper, she will have to do those items on Saturday.

 

...

 

Am I being too harsh?

 

Actually, I think you're being too hard on yourself. Adding Saturday work to an already full school week, with a kid who already stresses you out, may be the straw the breaks the camel's back for you.

 

If you believe that making her re-do work on a Saturday will make her more diligent about doing her work correctly the first time (during the school week,) then I'd say to go for it. But if you have any doubts about it, and think it's going to turn your home into a battleground each and every Saturday, I wouldn't do it. The work still won't be done correctly, and it will take forever because your dd will be angry and resentful, so the entire family's Saturday will be wasted and you will be miserable.

 

Cat

[goldberry]

I guess what I'm getting at though is how do you know when its the disability and when its just unwilling to make an effort?

 

When I say did you re-read the question? YES

Did you answer all parts of the questions? YES

It seems clear to me that she didn't really bother to re-read the question. (I'm talking relatively simple two part questions, not something complicated that she might not get)

 

When I say "Check off the corrections as you make them" and say that every time, but she doesn't check them off and then misses half of them. It seems clear again that she just didn't FEEL like checking them off.

 

That doesn't seem to be the ADD, it seems to be behavioral. I'm not saying the ADD isn't whats causing the problem in the first place, but the other things seem to be a lack of effort.

[goldberry]

Actually, I think you're being too hard on yourself. Adding Saturday work to an already full school week, with a kid who already stresses you out, may be the straw the breaks the camel's back for you.

 

If you believe that making her re-do work on a Saturday will make her more diligent about doing her work correctly the first time (during the school week,) then I'd say to go for it. But if you have any doubts about it, and think it's going to turn your home into a battleground each and every Saturday, I wouldn't do it. The work still won't be done correctly, and it will take forever because your dd will be angry and resentful, so the entire family's Saturday will be wasted and you will be miserable.

 

Cat

 

That is indeed a possibility. I just don't know how to get her to put in her full effort without having some kind of consequence. Just repetition hasn't been working.

[katilac]

Wow, that's a tough one. Why do you feel like she's not putting the effort in? If it's JUST because she isn't able to complete the assignment or make the corrections, hmmm, I'd be reluctant to think that. What is her response when you tell her to go back and complete or correct something again?

 

I don't think that doing it on Saturday is a horrible, meanest mom ever type of consequence, but I'm not sure that letting corrections and such pile up is the best strategy for an ADD kid. I think I would prefer to handle it on a daily basis (with any kid). How do you handle the school day? If my kids finish their work in a timely manner, they have free time. A daily incentive of free time is superior to a weekly one, imo.

 

Lots of kids her age make those types of mistakes on a fairly regular basis. Add in ADD, and I think my preference would be to simply (and calmly) hand her back each paper that isn't complete, and have her complete it. I think that coping strategies are crucial for ADD and other issues, but it's a VERY long-term process (again, for any kid, and she has ADD). Medicating or not is a very personal decision, but I know that I have seen it clear up certain issues for some kids very quickly. It's fine to not use meds, but I do think that not even trying them should mean she gets the benefit of the doubt to a certain extent. If she does her work, even if it takes many reminders and do-overs, then the natural consequence of it taking longer is all that is needed, imo. I wouldn't move the corrections to Saturday just to make it more painful, kwim?

[Catwoman]

That is indeed a possibility. I just don't know how to get her to put in her full effort without having some kind of consequence. Just repetition hasn't been working.

 

I can understand that. I'm just worried that it will come back to bite you. Every time I come up with some sort of consequence for my ds, in the end, it feels like I'm the one who ends up being punished. :glare: You may be better at it than I am, though! :)

 

What happens if you sit right next to her while she does the work? Is she more careful when you're watching her? (I'm only asking because if she works better while you're right there at her side, maybe she's just a daydreamer who just doesn't care about doing a good job if no one is standing over her.)

 

She may still be at an age where she needs constant supervision while she does her work. Not all 11 year olds are capable of doing a lot of independent work and then handing it in for correction. She might need you to sit there with her and work with her on her assignments.

 

Cat

Edited December 11, 2010 by Catwoman

[goldberry]

Wow, that's a tough one. Why do you feel like she's not putting the effort in?

 

If she does her work, even if it takes many reminders and do-overs, then the natural consequence of it taking longer is all that is needed, imo. I wouldn't move the corrections to Saturday just to make it more painful, kwim?

 

 

This is what makes me think its an effort thing...

When I say did you re-read the question? YES

Did you answer all parts of the questions? YES

It seems clear to me that she didn't really bother to re-read the

question. (I'm talking relatively simple two part questions, not something

complicated that she might not get)

 

When I say "Check off the corrections as you make them" and say that

every time, but she doesn't check them off and then misses half of

them. It seems clear again that she just didn't FEEL like checking them

off.

 

And actually, she doesn't seem to mind that because she has to do the work over it takes until 5 or 6 pm on somedays to finish her work. (When she works well, we work maybe until 1 or 2.)

 

On the other hand, when the school day goes that late, I am the one who is stressful and crazy. I would prefer not to work on Saturday. But I am trying to find some kind of incentive for her to change the behavior.

 

And to answer Cat, she does do better when I sit with her. I just can't sit with her all the time.

[rafiki]

.

[cindergretta]

I grew up being called "lazy." I hated it. I still struggle against it. But a few years ago I was diagnosed with ADD. I started taking meds and WOW! I feel *so* much better! I *do* so much better!!

 

ADD/ADHD don't always present in just an inability to pay attention. Many of us ADDers can't keep track of personal belongings, are forgetful, are disorganized, etc.

 

I really like the idea of breaking things down. Don't give her multiple steps in one whack. Give her one step. When it is done, give her the next step.

 

One thing I have been reading about and learning about lately is that making priorities and and organizing is actually a skill that becomes fully developed in the *late 20s!!!* Just something to consider. :)

 

I have to sit with my ADD ds in order for him to complete his schoolwork. It can be mind-numbing.... ::bag over head:: But he needs that constant interaction, kwim? He is on medication. It has made a WORLD of difference for *him.* I am not saying that to push meds on you. Just sharing our experience. Medication is very personal and should be decided on an individual basis by each family. My nephew is ADHD and my sister tried Ritalin with him. Oh my! It really, I mean really, ramped him up something fierce. Clearly the wrong choice for *him.*

 

(((((Hugs))))) I don't think I would have her re-do the work on Saturdays for the sake of it, kwim? If you are pushing to Saturdays due to time constraints, (IOW, for a real and natural reason) then that is a natural consequence. But pushing it off to Saturday to *punish* (IMHO) is harsh.

[goldberry]

She very well could have read it, actually she could have read it multiple times and still not be able to follow the directions. A two part question may seem overly simple to you, but she likely needs the obvious to you stated clearly to her. Break things down into smaller steps for her, give her a checklist to follow. She may very well miss half of what you say. I would read about ADD, try to understand her better. No one wants to "fail".

 

Thank you so much for your input. Cindergreta, too ( I don't know how to do multiple quotes!)

 

I have been reading about ADD but it is hard for me to understand sometimes. I was an over-achiever, whiz-kid type in school, and I really struggle not to put those expectations on my DD. But I agree especially with what you said, no one wants to fail.

 

Thanks for giving me more to think about.

[katilac]

This is what makes me think its an effort thing...

When I say did you re-read the question? YES

Did you answer all parts of the questions? YES

It seems clear to me that she didn't really bother to re-read the

question. (I'm talking relatively simple two part questions, not something

complicated that she might not get)

 

When I say "Check off the corrections as you make them" and say that

every time, but she doesn't check them off and then misses half of

them. It seems clear again that she just didn't FEEL like checking them

off.

 

And actually, she doesn't seem to mind that because she has to do the work over it takes until 5 or 6 pm on somedays to finish her work. (When she works well, we work maybe until 1 or 2.)

 

On the other hand, when the school day goes that late, I am the one who is stressful and crazy. I would prefer not to work on Saturday. But I am trying to find some kind of incentive for her to change the behavior.

 

And to answer Cat, she does do better when I sit with her. I just can't sit with her all the time.

 

Then, yes, I'd try the Saturday thing, if she doesn't care about her school days dragging on.

 

I'd probably give her a set amount of time for each subject; all subjects to be done by 2 pm, with another hour for corrections. I wouldn't refuse to let her do corrections, they simply have to be done in the time allocated for that subject. When that hour (or whatever) is over, move to the next subject. The corrections pile up for that last hour; any not done get moved to the Saturday pile.

 

I still think a daily motivator is important, and I would use that last hour of corrections for it: if she doesn't need that hour, b/c she got everything done during subject time, then she gets to do a special activity for that hour. Exercise on the Wii, drag out messy craft items, bake cookies - make a list of whatever might float her boat. It should be stuff she doesn't often get to do otherwise.

 

That way, you have both a daily and a weekly motivator. Oh, and I would also give her the freedom to do corrections as homework BY HERSELF. It's fine for your school day to end before hers. Just leave notes on the work (you didn't give the examples here; you didn't correct everything marked in red pen, review; and so on). I used to write on index cards and clip it to the page, or you could use post-its. Actually, that last hour of corrections should be on her own also, and your day is done at 2 pm.

[justamouse]

First let me say this: I'm not trying to talk you into medication, because I hate it when people try to talk me out of it. It's a very personal decision that should be made by the parents, and no one else has any business getting involved, unless you've asked them to.

 

Also, my son has ADHD which is very different. Not choosing medication for a child with ADD is not the same as not choosing it for a child with ADHD. But...

 

It might be something to try. Medication alone is never the answer, and you would still need to help her learn coping strategies. The medication can allow her to focus enough to learn those strategies, then if you feel she's ready, you can discontinue the meds. Medication can make a child with ADD or ADHD feel, possibly for the first time in his or her life, capable of following through and getting things done (because it allows the focus that is lacking). It can help a child not feel so bad about herself, because she can finally do what everyone else thinks should be easy for her.

 

It's just something to think about.

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

You have to look at it as grease for the skids. It's not THE answer, it's not even AN answer, but the meds, in conjunction with your patience and help will allow her to learn those habits that she needs to so she can have some success in school.

[texasmama]

You may not know what is the ADD and what is carelessness without a medication trial, honestly. You will not get her "best effort" without meds if she truly has ADD. Just because one cannot "see" the affect of the disorder (as is quite obvious with the ADHD) doesn't mean that the child is not affected. Medication helps with concentration and to curb impulsivity, not just to keep a child sitting in a seat, which is most helpful in a public school arena.

 

I am not a medication "pusher", but I would recommend that you research the affects of ADD on a child's brain/functioning and come to a decision. It may quite possibly be a kindness to at least do a medication trial to see if it helps.

 

All of this is just my opinion, of course.:001_smile:

[jenn-]

DD has undiagnosed ADD, and our days sound like yours. On a good day, school can be done by lunchish time. On a bad day like yesterday, she did school work until 8 pm (not straight as she had piano and gymnastics in there). All she had left to do between 2-330 was write 11 short definitions and read about 3 pages in her history book. 315 rolls around and she has written 4 definitions and no reading done. :banghead: She convinced me she would get the reading done on the way to the gym. Yeah, after 10 minutes of watching her in my rearview, I knew she was looking at the page, but nothing was going in so I stopped her and told her she would be working until bedtime.

 

Do you give your DD letter grades on assignments? Typically I don't, but I do on some unit tests. Her last test in grammar she got a D solely because she didn't follow the directions on 2 sections. She was to underline one part, and write another part on the line and she did it all backwards. As I have repeated made her correct her work for things like this, I just marked them all wrong with no chance for fixing. Then I made her tell her daddy that she got a D and why. She would have had an A if she hadn't missed those 20 points. Guess who is reading her grammar instructions better.

 

Some days I will "medicate" her with caffeine. There is a hot chocolate that has as much caffeine as a cup of coffee (I think it is Swiss Miss Pick-Me-Up). She says it really helps her focus on days I give it to her. As I am a tried and true caffeine addict, I don't like giving the hot chocolate on a daily basis.

 

I don't know that I would do all corrections on Saturday. I would let her know if it is a writing assignment that she needs to make corrections on, she has 1 shot to get them all corrected, and let her know that she will be finishing any missed corrections on Saturday. Then it is her own doings if she has to do them on Saturday. Other subjects, I would be inclined to just keep handing her the paper back with a "try again" until she gets them all done.

[Ottakee]

Our story----my now 14dd has ADHD and could NOT finish anything. School work was a battle and she could not focus. We tried meds and suddenly (and yes, I mean like overnight) she was able to sit down and do all of her subjects of ACE on her own, completely, and correctly without prompting.

 

Every once in a while we would have a day that was a BATTLE to get through ANYTHING and I would then get a lightbulb moment and go check her med container.......only to find out she had not taken her morning meds. She would take them, wait 30 minutes for them to kick in and WOW, she could then do the work.

 

Seriously, I would give meds a try. It could really relieve the stress on your relationship with her and her self esteem as well.

[Tiramisu]

Students with ADD really look like they are uninterested and unmotivated. It's part of the disorder. When teachers or parents perceive them as not caring and treat them that way, I think it can be damaging to the relationship and the kid's self-esteem (though I really hate that word sometimes) and attitude towards their education. I've seen how it hurt relationships in my own family, and it's not nice. I'm trying to do what I can to keep it from happening with another dc. The psychologist who tested one of our dd said she would be "lost" if she were in school, even though she's very bright, because kids like her zone out and just look so disinterested, don't comprehend verbal instructions well, can't keep track of things, miss details, etc.

 

Put everything in writing in little chunks with written reminders to check the things that are common mistakes. You have to be consistent with discipline but always with love and understanding of the disability.:grouphug:

 

We haven't medicated yet, but we may have to at some point.

[Renee in NC]

Our story----my now 14dd has ADHD and could NOT finish anything. School work was a battle and she could not focus. We tried meds and suddenly (and yes, I mean like overnight) she was able to sit down and do all of her subjects of ACE on her own, completely, and correctly without prompting.

 

Every once in a while we would have a day that was a BATTLE to get through ANYTHING and I would then get a lightbulb moment and go check her med container.......only to find out she had not taken her morning meds. She would take them, wait 30 minutes for them to kick in and WOW, she could then do the work.

 

Seriously, I would give meds a try. It could really relieve the stress on your relationship with her and her self esteem as well.

 

My 9yo could not learn at all until he was medicated. Within 6 weeks of medicating him he started to read somewhat. Now, 3 months later, it looks like he may get to grade level (3rd) in math, despite the fact that at the beginning of last school year he couldn't count to 10!:001_huh:

[lamamaloca]

This is what makes me think its an effort thing...

When I say did you re-read the question? YES

Did you answer all parts of the questions? YES

It seems clear to me that she didn't really bother to re-read the

question. (I'm talking relatively simple two part questions, not something

complicated that she might not get)

 

If she has ADD, then it is entirely possible that she is rereading the directions multiple times and still doesn't have the executive functioning capabilities to read it, follow it, and get it done in a timely manner. You need to ask her, not "Did you read the directions" but "What did the directions say?" You may need to have her repeat the directions after you a couple of times. You may need to break everything down into one step directions.

 

I'm a big believer in meds, myself, but first you need a real diagnosis from a professional, too.

Edited December 12, 2010 by lamamaloca

[Mom0012]

I guess what I'm getting at though is how do you know when its the disability and when its just unwilling to make an effort?

 

When I say did you re-read the question? YES

Did you answer all parts of the questions? YES

It seems clear to me that she didn't really bother to re-read the question. (I'm talking relatively simple two part questions, not something complicated that she might not get)

 

When I say "Check off the corrections as you make them" and say that every time, but she doesn't check them off and then misses half of them. It seems clear again that she just didn't FEEL like checking them off.

 

That doesn't seem to be the ADD, it seems to be behavioral. I'm not saying the ADD isn't whats causing the problem in the first place, but the other things seem to be a lack of effort.

 

I think sometimes it is very hard to tell. I do think if you gave medication a trial period, you would very possibly have your answer. If she goes on medication and no longer has so many oversights, then it is not a behavioral issue. You wouldn't even have to keep her on it, but it might help you have a better understanding of whether this is a medical issue or a behavioral issue.

 

Lisa

[ondreeuh]

My 9yo could not learn at all until he was medicated.

 

This was our experience as well.

 

I don't want to be an alarmist, but I've seen how untreated ADD can end up in a child who never got to develop self control and good decision making skills. The way a child sees herself stays with them a LONG time and doing what you can to make her feel in-control now will pay off for the rest of her life.

[LG Gone Wild]

Actually, I think you're being too hard on yourself. Adding Saturday work to an already full school week, with a kid who already stresses you out, may be the straw the breaks the camel's back for you.

 

If you believe that making her re-do work on a Saturday will make her more diligent about doing her work correctly the first time (during the school week,) then I'd say to go for it. But if you have any doubts about it, and think it's going to turn your home into a battleground each and every Saturday, I wouldn't do it. The work still won't be done correctly, and it will take forever because your dd will be angry and resentful, so the entire family's Saturday will be wasted and you will be miserable.

 

Cat

 

DITTO!

 

OP, I know your pain. We have the same problem in various areas of life. The best way (and it still kind of sucks) is having the work done right in front of your eyes.

[goldberry]

Students with ADD really look like they are uninterested and unmotivated. It's part of the disorder. When teachers or parents perceive them as not caring and treat them that way, I think it can be damaging to the relationship and the kid's self-esteem (though I really hate that word sometimes) and attitude towards their education. I've seen how it hurt relationships in my own family, and it's not nice. I'm trying to do what I can to keep it from happening with another dc. The psychologist who tested one of our dd said she would be "lost" if she were in school, even though she's very bright, because kids like her zone out and just look so disinterested, don't comprehend verbal instructions well, can't keep track of things, miss details, etc.

 

 

 

Thank you for this, that is exactly what I don't want to happen and where I feel like we are headed.

[1bassoon]

The psychologist who tested one of our dd said she would be "lost" if she were in school, even though she's very bright, because kids like her zone out and just look so disinterested, don't comprehend verbal instructions well, can't keep track of things, miss details, etc.

 

Um. not to hijack, but. . . . .

 

If this sounds like someone you *cough* live with, who happens to be an adult.

 

What should you do? Hypothetically, of course.

 

Said person was always accused of being a "daydreamer" in school, can't focus on reading, etc. I think it has started to impact said person's job performance on the last two jobs this person had.

 

Advice? (I may start my own new thread)

[katemary63]

My DS23's biggest regret in life is that WE didn't put him on meds when he was young. He's on them now and for the first time in his life, he doesn't feel like an idiot. (ADD kids FEEL like idiots even if their parents don't say anything negative.)

Edited December 12, 2010 by katemary63

[Peela]

I have never mentally diagnosed my son as ADD, although his father is ADHD and his sister was dx ADD....he was diagnosed dyslexic though. I just generally think of him as having some learning issues. He does exactly what you are describing in terms of following directions.

I think you are treading a fine line and I tread it myself, often feeling like my son just deliberately refuses to concentrate...when it seems to be something in his system that makes it very difficult for him. Its hard not to take it personally but I don't think it is personal.

 

ADD medications turned his older half sister into an OCD train wreck from which she still hasnt recovered, though, so we wouldn't be doing that. We just teach him the best we can under the limitations. I don't think every kid is going to excel academically and I do not agree with psychoactive drugs to improve school results. Kids with these issues also have their gifts and I believe my son, even if he failed completely at school, will still do something amazing with his life because of his nature. His dad is entrapreneurial and is so glad they didnt diagnose and medicate him. What seems like a "negative" trait- because its hard for them to do academic work- has its brighter side. Its who they are, not necessarily a disease to be treated.

 

For following instructions I break it down to smaller parts and only give one part at a time. I had to sit next to him for many years to get him to focus and he still works better with one on one attention, although he can now work independently as well. I changed programs regularly when something wasn't working rather than have us both suffer through torment. For maths we finally found MUS and that has been a blessing- most maths programs had too much going on on each page and he would just get lost.

 

In other words, I used the flexibility of homeschooling to work with his issues, creating a program specifically for him, working with his weaknesses and feeding his strengths, giving him lots of attention as needed,- rather than trying to make him fit into a pre-designed program or educational philosophy. It takes a lot of patience but I have had a lot of support (especially here). He is doing well and is going to highschool next year- year 10.

[cindergretta]

ADD medications turned his older half sister into an OCD train wreck from which she still hasnt recovered

 

Interesting! I was suffering from OCD and when I was dx'd with ADD and started meds, the OCD was massively reduced. When I talked with my dr about it, she said for a lot of people with ADD, OCD is a collateral dx that can be alleviated with treating the ADD.

 

I'm sorry it was horribly opposite for your dd. :(

[LittleIzumi]

Um. not to hijack, but. . . . .

 

If this sounds like someone you *cough* live with, who happens to be an adult.

 

What should you do? Hypothetically, of course.

 

Said person was always accused of being a "daydreamer" in school, can't focus on reading, etc. I think it has started to impact said person's job performance on the last two jobs this person had.

 

Advice? (I may start my own new thread)

 

After several years of knowing there was a problem, dh finally went to our regular doc, who gave a preliminary rx of ADD but referred dh to a psych. Over a year later dh actually went to see said psych. Like a year after that he started his meds. (ADD makes it so easy to forget/put it iff endlessly.) Once he was on meds, pazow--there's a HUGE difference. Huge huge huge. 0.2 college GPA to about a 4.0 this semester. (No, that first # is not a typo.)

[LittleHouseHomeschool]

I have a DD11 in 6th grade who I have realized this past year has ADD issues. We have constant problems with work not being finished completely.

 

Two examples just to give you an idea:

1. Question says, List three types of whatever and give an example of each. DD lists the three types but no examples.

2. When she gives me a rough draft of a paper, we edit it together, she goes back and makes only about half of the corrections (which are marked in red ink on the paper). Sometimes it takes three or four times before she makes all the corrections.

 

 

 

Are you sure she doesn't have a learning disability of some kind? My 16 year old son has auditory processing disorder. Part of his issue is a short term memory disorder. We had to teach him to read directions twice before starting an assignment, then he was required to say them outloud to me. Sometimes a short discussion was necessary. After the assignment was completed, I then had to ask him, "Have you followed every instruction 1, 2, 3? (Repeating the instructions) Over time, this trained him to check and double check that he'd done everything he needed to.

 

Short term memory issues are so bothersome...and frustrating for everyone involved. Perhaps it's time for testing? It's so easy to chalk these things up to a character issue, and totally miss a potential LD that might be effecting the quality of her work. You might well save your daughter and yourself a whole lot of trouble by having her tested. :001_smile:

 

Did she learn to read easily or did she struggle? Does she ask questions multiple times? Can she express herself clearly or does she have to tell and retell to get all the details out? Is she able to follow multiple step directions and remember them all? How is her reading comprehension?

All of these questions can give you a hint as to how she is receiving information. You can also google auditory processing disorder for lists of symptoms. Here are some quality sites for more help:

 

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/ears/central_auditory.html

 

http://www.asha.org/public/hearing/disorders/understand-apd-child.htm

 

http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/auditory.htm

[lamamaloca]

I don't think every kid is going to excel academically and I do not agree with psychoactive drugs to improve school results.

 

I just wanted to say that medicating for ADD is in NO WAY medicating to improve school results. It is using medication to restore brain function to a more normal patterns. ADD affects all facets of life, and it is not just about school performance, it is about EVERYTHING in daily life being harder for you, and feeling like you're lazy, bad, an idiot, etc. because you don't realize that the reason everyone else makes everything look so easy is that it really is MUCH harder for you than for someone whose brain works in a normal way. It is not for everyone, and for some people stimulant medications can exacerbate anxiety problems, although for many others it helps them, and it can sometimes precipitate the rise of a latent tic disorder.

[Chris in VA]

Coloradoperkins said

She's not on medication, as I haven't felt that the ADD has interfered with her life enough to warrant that.

 

Gently, it sounds to me like it is interferring with her life.

 

I agree with others that there may be a mix of ADD and behavior stuff going on, but I think I'd be investigating meds. I would also recommend breaking things down more--With the paper corrections, for example, mark one paragraph, have her do the corrections, bring it to you, mark another paragraph, rinse, repeat...

When she gets that down, mark two paragraphs. You'll probably reach a "saturation" point, and she'll learn how to deal with that when she's a little older (one strategy for a college student, for example, would be for her to draw a heavy line at a stopping place, work til that is reached, and then put it aside. Too much at one time overloads executive function. And even the "heavy line" stuff has to be learned.).

 

My experience with ADD is just with someone who damaged his brain--it manifests as ADD-like, indistinguishable from the "real thing."

[Alessandra]

I so much agree with all the posters who emphasize that ADD is a real disease -- and that your dd simply may not be able to do the work as it is assigned. Besides medication and therapy, there may some books that you might find helpful in breaking down tasks. One that I like is Smart, But Scattered.

 

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=smart+but+scattered&x=0&y=0

 

Perhaps other people have some ideas here too.

[rwilliams]

Strategies that I have used working with different types of kids (public school and my son) is to keep breaking things down until they are successful. When they achieve mastery at that stage, up it just a little bit. I often started below the level of mastery to increase motivation for the task. The skill is figuring out how to really break a task down into each little step as needed. This strategy works with the severly disabled and the typical kid who is not focusing. How much to break it down depends on the activity and the needs of the child. There are lots of ways to grade an activity. One that is usually successful for alot of different tasks is called backward chaining. You complete all the steps except the very last one. The child completes the last step and gets praised. The next time you complete all the steps except the last two. This continues until the child is completeing all the steps. It took me a whole year when I was first out of school to teach kids to tie their shoes Independently. It wasn't the kids, it was trying to figure out a good method to teach handicapped kids to learn the steps. Once I figured out the best method and tried several products it didn't actually take that long or very much effort. So specifically when trying to facilitate focusing look at all the factors affecting focus. Time of day, arousal level of child, environment, positioning of child.......I can facilitate focus with my child because I have all of these things to his best advantage. Calm music at just the right volume in the background, he is in a separate room from the rest of the house with the environment very simple and non-distracting or cluttery, he sits on the floor at the coffee table so he can wiggle to some degree. Crunchy snacks like popcorn and drinking thick liguids through a straw are vey helpful for facilitating focus. If not a thick liquid then try just drinking through a straw. We got through reading in first grade with a whole bowl of popcorn each session! So, become more skilled as the Mom at facilitating the behavior you want and then you will be able to judge if it is possible to expect this or not. When I am in doubt about it being a behavior that can be controlled or something that is really too difficult, I treat it like a behavior and push my son. Usually he can muster it up and do it. If not and I get frustration that is more extreme, I go back and add more support to help him. It is trial and error but you have alot of power in facilitating this by controlling the time of day, environment, types of foods that may help and movement of your daughter. Another idea is to try a gross motor activity right before a difficult activity. Trampoline and swinging are excellent. Movement is great to help the brain to fire and become more organized. Good Luck!

[texasmama]

Um. not to hijack, but. . . . .

 

If this sounds like someone you *cough* live with, who happens to be an adult.

 

What should you do? Hypothetically, of course.

 

Said person was always accused of being a "daydreamer" in school, can't focus on reading, etc. I think it has started to impact said person's job performance on the last two jobs this person had.

 

Advice? (I may start my own new thread)

 

There are MANY adults on ADD meds. It is very common.

[Tammyla]

Colored highlighters can be a a help with multi-step directions. You or she highlights each step in a different color, and then corrections or steps are followed one color at a time. This breaks things down into memorable chunks, and if you are rewriting a paper...Correct in corresponding colors. Check lists are great and concentration breaks can boost performance. (A white board is often helpful.)

 

She will need strategies for becoming an organized student, The Teaching Company has a video course for older students.

 

Some find medicating with caffeine boost concentration as does exercise and for some meds.

 

I recommend reading A Mind At A Time by, Mel Levine, M.D.

[Lady Florida.]

My DS23's biggest regret in life is that WE didn't put him on meds when he was young. He's on them now and for the first time in his life, he doesn't feel like an idiot. (ADD kids FEEL like idiots even if their parents don't say anything negative.)

 

I have an adult friend like this. She got her dx a few years ago. She said it was an amazing difference when she started on meds. There are many stories of adults finally diagnosed who finally feel good about themselves after starting meds.

[goldberry]

I really appreciate all the replies. You have given me alot to think about, and I will be looking up the reading material you have mentioned.

 

Thank you!

[Laurie4b]

I guess what I'm getting at though is how do you know when its the disability and when its just unwilling to make an effort?

 

When I say did you re-read the question? YES

Did you answer all parts of the questions? YES

It seems clear to me that she didn't really bother to re-read the question. (I'm talking relatively simple two part questions, not something complicated that she might not get)

 

When I say "Check off the corrections as you make them" and say that every time, but she doesn't check them off and then misses half of them. It seems clear again that she just didn't FEEL like checking them off.

 

That doesn't seem to be the ADD, it seems to be behavioral. I'm not saying the ADD isn't whats causing the problem in the first place, but the other things seem to be a lack of effort.

 

It sounds to me like the ADD, not a behavior problem. (My kid with ADD has a problem with skipping words, phrases, lines, when reading. He certainly does it when proofing. It is not carelessness. He can genuinely think he's done something when he's skipped part of it.) If it were *you * doing the same thing as your dd, it would be a behavior problem; for her, it's likely that she has a different kind of brain.

 

It sounds to me like you have to back it up to smaller steps with fewer things in each step.

 

For instance, I'm not sure what you mean when you say "Check off the corrections as you make them." Do you have a separate checklist or is she supposed to check them off on the draft as she corrects them?

 

You want to break it down until she can be successful. That is your goal. If she can't do something you've given her successfully, you've given her too big of a chunk. (Your bad, not hers. You're having to learn this too! so you'll need to give yourself grace as well as to give your dd grace. )

 

Red marks all over the paper are likely to be distracting. Keep that in mind.

 

So you might need to sit by her and say, "Let me watch while you correct the draft." Then WATCH her and see what she's doing. You may see things that can be helpful to her.

 

Next, have her correct one line at a time (not a whole paragraph.) If she's missed a correction, tell her she's missed one and ask her if she can find it.

 

If she is not already doing all her written work on a computer, I would strongly suggest switching to that.

 

As for the Saturday work, I would not use it as a consequence for your perception that she's not making the effort. I would, however, allow Sat work if work doesn't get completed. That is a natural part of life for a person with ADD--that it takes them longer to do some types of things than it takes other people. So if you had a reasonable 5 days of math planned and only got 3 of them done because of attention issues, she will need to use Saturdays, not as a punishment, but just because that's the way it is.

 

I would suggest that you read up on working memory. It may help you understand how your dd cannot do something that to you seems like a simple task.

Edited December 13, 2010 by Laurie4b

[Garga]

First let me say this: I'm not trying to talk you into medication, because I hate it when people try to talk me out of it. It's a very personal decision that should be made by the parents, and no one else has any business getting involved, unless you've asked them to.

 

Also, my son has ADHD which is very different. Not choosing medication for a child with ADD is not the same as not choosing it for a child with ADHD. But...

 

It might be something to try. Medication alone is never the answer, and you would still need to help her learn coping strategies. The medication can allow her to focus enough to learn those strategies, then if you feel she's ready, you can discontinue the meds. Medication can make a child with ADD or ADHD feel, possibly for the first time in his or her life, capable of following through and getting things done (because it allows the focus that is lacking). It can help a child not feel so bad about herself, because she can finally do what everyone else thinks should be easy for her.

 

It's just something to think about.

 

 

You took the words out of my mouth.

 

My dh took medicine for his ADHD for the first time at age 42 (couple months ago). He said that he felt such relief for the first time in his life.

 

With that recommendation, how could we not help our son? So, we got him dx'd and rx'd and he said that for the first time his "feet didn't hurt." (It was his way of saying that he always felt antsy and out of control.)

 

Like the quoted person said, I'm not trying to talk you into medication, but it's been a great blessing on our household.

[Catherine]

My son's social skills went from pretty impaired to reasonably OK when he finally started meds at almost 16. It's one thing to know intellectually what to do in a given social situation, another to actually be able to remember that and do it on the fly during a conversation. All the coaching and help in the world didn't give him nearly as much progress as one little pill.

[Rosie_0801]

Um. not to hijack, but. . . . .

 

If this sounds like someone you *cough* live with, who happens to be an adult.

 

What should you do? Hypothetically, of course.

 

 

Hypothetically, ahem, yeah. I feed him coffee. With two coffees in his system, a Discussion is actually a discussion. With only one coffee in his system, he says things that seem to conflict and I end up shouting. With no coffee in his system, he actually says yes when he means no and no when he means yes and I end up in tears (after shouting.) Lately I have tripped over some info on low-dopamine levels, which apparently men are very prone to. Coincidentally, the symptoms list reads just like a list of everything he ever does that annoys me, so as you can imagine, I'm interested in finding out more! (A list of symptoms of seratonin deficiency, which women are particularly prone to, reads like a list of everything that annoys the both of us about me. Something else to read up on...)

 

To the OP: If you aren't ready to try meds yet, try a nutritionist. A lot of these sorts of probs can be diet related. Not all, of course, but many. You clearly need to do something or you'll both be at loggerheads all the time.

 

Rosie

[asta]

An aside (as I was attempting to read this thread):

 

Walls of text (paragraphs of 10-20 lines without breaks) are basically impossible to read when you have ADD/ADHD.

 

:glare:

 

 

a

[k2bdeutmeyer]

An aside (as I was attempting to read this thread):

 

Walls of text (paragraphs of 10-20 lines without breaks) are basically impossible to read when you have ADD/ADHD.

 

:glare:

 

 

a

 

Oh my!! Yes!! I completely agree.