Would you give your teen consequences for this expensive mistake?

[Brilliant]

17yo dd drove our family mini-van last week. Later that night it wasn't running properly, so we ended up taking it to the shop. The service manager said it was burning diesel - we questioned dd who had stopped for gas; she insisted that she put in unleaded. About $500 of repairs later, the van is running perfectly.

 

I just found dd's receipt for gas. She put in diesel.

 

So, does she pay back the repair money? She just started a part time job, about 12 hours a week.

[TheCoffeeChick]

I'm sure she is probably horrified that she did that! I'd have her pay for half -- just for the lesson that we need to pay attention to what we are doing or there could be some huge (and expensive) consequenses. :grouphug:

[Brilliant]

I think I am answering my own question and will need to talk to dh about it.

 

She should pay for the repairs. I do not want to "punish" her, but she should pay for it to:

a. make restitution for the damage she caused, and

b. help her learn never to make this mistake again.

[sassenach]

That's a hard one. It's such a rookie mistake. I think I would probably have her pay a portion of it. Twelve hours a week, at what I am guessing is minimum wage, isn't a whole lot of money. So, I probably would have mercy and not have her pay the whole thing. Maybe $100-150? It would also depend on her general attitude about helping the family, and taking responsibility for her mistakes. If she is generally helpful and grateful, the portion would be smaller. If she tends to be snotty and entitled, I might lean towards the entire total. Only you can make that call.

[Lolly]

I wouldn't. I think punishments should be more about teaching. First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again. (I know my kids would be mortified just at having caused so much damage.) If she does it again, she would be expected to pay for repairs.

[Brilliant]

I'm sure she is probably horrified that she did that! I'd have her pay for half -- just for the lesson that we need to pay attention to what we are doing or there could be some huge (and expensive) consequenses. :grouphug:

 

She's not horrified yet; I haven't shown her the receipt. :) But yes, she will be very upset and disappointed in herself.

 

I just posted about making her pay for it..I will discuss with dh about whether she pays all or part of it.

[Abigail4476]

Yes, she should at least help out with the cost, but just as a learning experience; not as a punishment. Anyone can make a silly mistake. :)

 

I nearly drove off from our local convenience store one time with the pump handle still in my car. Only the clerk running out from the store yelling at me stopped that catastrophe.

[Unicorn.]

That's a hard one. It's such a rookie mistake. I think I would probably have her pay a portion of it. Twelve hours a week, at what I am guessing is minimum wage, isn't a whole lot of money. So, I probably would have mercy and not have her pay the whole thing. Maybe $100-150? It would also depend on her general attitude about helping the family, and taking responsibility for her mistakes. If she is generally helpful and grateful, the portion would be smaller. If she tends to be snotty and entitled, I might lean towards the entire total. Only you can make that call.

 

:iagree: I did this as a teen, but I caught it before I got back in the truck. Luckily they were able to call someone who came and pumped it out for me. It did cost me a tank of gas, and several hours of my time while waiting on the guy though. Now days, it's even harder to tell which handle is reg/diesel. I wouldn't punish too harshly.

[Brilliant]

I wouldn't. I think punishments should be more about teaching. First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again. (I know my kids would be mortified just at having caused so much damage.) If she does it again, she would be expected to pay for repairs.

 

I see in your signature that you have 3 drivers! :D

 

I am definitely leaning toward having her pay at least a portion of it, just to make SURE she learned the lesson.

[Kate CA]

I think I am answering my own question and will need to talk to dh about it.

 

She should pay for the repairs. I do not want to "punish" her, but she should pay for it to:

a. make restitution for the damage she caused, and

b. help her learn never to make this mistake again.

 

I am not sure I would make her pay for the whole of it, but probably part of it. How awful. I am sorry. This happened to a friend of mine and her son was SO horrified he had done it.

[RahRah]

This one is kind of tough....how did she get diesel into a tank that's for unleaded gas?

 

I ask because all cars, minivans, SUV's, etc. made in the last, oh 20-30 years have a plate to stop the diesel nozzle from going into the fill line, plus the fill line hole is smaller than the diesel nozzle.

 

You may want to ask how she made the mistake because making such a mistake is really, really, really difficult....did someone help her fill the minivan? did she not realize the nozzle, being larger, was the wrong one and that's why she had to stand there to fill it?

 

OR - was the gas station using the wrong nozzle on the diesel pump? If that's the case, maybe she really didn't realize it was the wrong pump to fill the minivan?

 

I'm not sure I'd punish her on this one.....maybe try to find out where in the process the filling of the minivan went wrong so she can learn if it was really her mistake.....I dunno, I just don't think I'd make her pay for it myself.

[Brilliant]

Your stories about other teens who've done this match what the service manager told me. "It happens all the time with teenagers!" he said, when I mentioned that dd had gassed up the van so we couldn't be sure what was in it.

[Sparkle]

It sounds like it was a careless mistake. I don't like to punish, but I think having her pay for part of the repairs would be a natural consequence and teach her to be more careful in the future.

[Lolly]

This one is kind of tough....how did she get diesel into a tank that's for unleaded gas?

 

I ask because all cars, minivans, SUV's, etc. made in the last, oh 20-30 years have a plate to stop the diesel nozzle from going into the fill line, plus the fill line hole is smaller than the diesel nozzle.

 

You may want to ask how she made the mistake because making such a mistake is really, really, really difficult....did someone help her fill the minivan? did she not realize the nozzle, being larger, was the wrong one and that's why she had to stand there to fill it?

 

OR - was the gas station using the wrong nozzle on the diesel pump? If that's the case, maybe she really didn't realize it was the wrong pump to fill the minivan?

 

I'm not sure I'd punish her on this one.....maybe try to find out where in the process the filling of the minivan went wrong so she can learn if it was really her mistake.....I dunno, I just don't think I'd make her pay for it myself.

 

 

Big point here, in fact, I almost put diesel in my van a few months ago (I had forgotten about it!) Someone had put the nozzles in the wrong places. I picked up the nozzle that was on the cheapest regular gas:001_smile:. It wouldn't go in my tank. That is when I realized someone had put all the nozzles in the wrong places. If I were younger, I might have figured out how to force the gas into the tank. It is a possibility.

[Brilliant]

This one is kind of tough....how did she get diesel into a tank that's for unleaded gas?

 

I ask because all cars, minivans, SUV's, etc. made in the last, oh 20-30 years have a plate to stop the diesel nozzle from going into the fill line, plus the fill line hole is smaller than the diesel nozzle.

 

 

No, the service manager told me that it's possible to do these days - that the pumps used to be different but today they frequently are not. We drive by that station frequently - I am going to stop next time I'm over there to take a look.

[Tabrett]

I wouldn't. I think punishments should be more about teaching. First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again. (I know my kids would be mortified just at having caused so much damage.) If she does it again, she would be expected to pay for repairs.

 

:iagree:

[Renthead Mommy]

Have you ever specifically explained there is a difference between the two?

That gas isn't just gas? Because diesel is one of those things, that unless you've grown up around vehicles that require it, a lot of people/kids just wouldn't know the difference.

 

Also, if she normally goes to the same gas stations, and their buttons all run in the same order (regular, mid level, supreme, disel), have you ever explained to her that some stations do it different? Gas pumps are not completely standard. I've ended up getting supreme because pumps in other states were set up backwards from my local pumps.

 

I'd have a hard time making her pay if I didn't know for certain it was based on lack of attention, and not really on lack of info I forgot to pass on or figured she knew. They only know if someone tells them.

[Carol in Cal.]

I would be inclined to let her slide on this one. I think that knowing all about it will be sufficient. Making her pay for it is kind of out of proportion to the error, IMO.

[LG Gone Wild]

This is such an easy mistake to make EVEN if there is separate pump for diesel, a moment of inattention is all it takes.

 

It depends on how your teenager reacts to the discovery of the receipt. If your child was like mine and would deny it in the face of evidence, I would bring down the hammer. Sheepishness, embarassment, apologetic? A partial payment would suffice.

[cathmom]

It was a mistake. I think my attitude would be more to make sure she understood how it happened, and then discuss how we as a family were going to handle it (ie, pay for it). IDK what your financial situation is, if you can just afford to pay for it. I might say, "This makes things really tight for us. Do you think you could contribute some of every paycheck to help with it?" if that were true, of course. If you can afford it, then I would just chalk it up to one of those expensive mistakes kids make.

[Prairie~Phlox]

Also, how much of a financial hardship is it for you guys? Was $500, not really a big deal? I think I would take that into consideration as well. Not that her working 12 hours a week can really help you out, but really if you did not have the money to pay for the repair I think I would have her pay at least something.

[Alenee]

I think you can look at it from several different angles.

 

1. You, the parent, allowed her to use your vehicle. When we loan things, they just may not come back in the same condition.

 

2. She did it, she pays for it.

 

3. She did it, BUT, mercy is always a good thing.

 

I would vote for some mercy. Is it possible she may not have even known what kind of damage the wrong gas would cause? I think having her pay a portion is good, with the reminder that she is using someone else's car. It's a heavy responsibility.

[MamaAkins]

If you haven't formally taught her that there's a difference and which to use, then no, I wouldn't make her pay for her mistake. If it was truly a mistake, I'm sure she's going to be horrified enough. IF you feel the need to have her pay, I definitely won't have her pay for the full amount.

[Catwoman]

I would be inclined to let her slide on this one. I think that knowing all about it will be sufficient. Making her pay for it is kind of out of proportion to the error, IMO.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

It was clearly an honest mistake on her part, so I wouldn't make her pay for anything. It would be different if she laughed it off and acted like it was no big deal. I think it would be all about the attitude if she were my dd.

 

I've made plenty of mistakes, so I'm not inclined to punish for them when my ds messes up and is sorry about it.

 

Cat

[Audrey]

I think I am answering my own question and will need to talk to dh about it.

 

She should pay for the repairs. I do not want to "punish" her, but she should pay for it to:

a. make restitution for the damage she caused, and

b. help her learn never to make this mistake again.

 

 

I would agree with this. I remember doing the exact same thing when I was a teen and a new driver. It was a $200 repair bill then, and I had to pay it back to my parents. They presented it to me as a simple matter of car maintenance and repair -- honest mistake or not, we all have to pay for maintenance and repairs. I thought it was fair, and was grateful they didn't get angry with me or otherwise punish me for that, like taking away my driving privileges.

 

FWIW, I don't we do people a favour when we just fix their mistakes for them without any real consequences on their end. I can tell you that I learned a lot of good lessons from that mistake -- the least of which is "don't put diesel in a gasoline engine." I also learned how costly vehicle repairs can be, how long it takes to make $200 working a minimum wage job, and how my parents set a good example of pragmatism that has stayed with me my whole life. I don't get all angry and worked up over stuff like this because it's not something that warrants a big angry display, but I do believe in taking care of your mistakes yourself. That's the way the real world works.

Edited December 8, 2010 by Audrey

[sassenach]

No, the service manager told me that it's possible to do these days - that the pumps used to be different but today they frequently are not. We drive by that station frequently - I am going to stop next time I'm over there to take a look.

 

The other thing that teen (girls especially) do more than the average driver is drive off with the nozzle still in the tank. We had a 19yo living with us who did that, and when she went in to tell the station owner, his response was, "D@#& teenage girls, always driving off with the nozzle!" Apparently, it's a monthly occurrence.

[MotherGoose]

:iagree:

That's a hard one. It's such a rookie mistake. I think I would probably have her pay a portion of it. Twelve hours a week, at what I am guessing is minimum wage, isn't a whole lot of money. So, I probably would have mercy and not have her pay the whole thing. Maybe $100-150? It would also depend on her general attitude about helping the family, and taking responsibility for her mistakes. If she is generally helpful and grateful, the portion would be smaller. If she tends to be snotty and entitled, I might lean towards the entire total. Only you can make that call.

[Annie G]

Assuming she's showing sufficient remorse, I'd let it slide if you can pay the repair bill without financial hardship.

 

For me, the key is whether she's aware that her action really damaged the car, and whether she's learned from this. Because you're really just trying to raise her to act thoughtfully and be responsible.

[danybug]

Have you ever specifically explained there is a difference between the two?

That gas isn't just gas? Because diesel is one of those things, that unless you've grown up around vehicles that require it, a lot of people/kids just wouldn't know the difference.

 

Also, if she normally goes to the same gas stations, and their buttons all run in the same order (regular, mid level, supreme, disel), have you ever explained to her that some stations do it different? Gas pumps are not completely standard. I've ended up getting supreme because pumps in other states were set up backwards from my local pumps.

 

I'd have a hard time making her pay if I didn't know for certain it was based on lack of attention, and not really on lack of info I forgot to pass on or figured she knew. They only know if someone tells them.

 

:iagree:

 

I would maybe give her the opportunity to discuss with you and dh if she would like offer a small amount (maybe $100) to help pay for the repairs. So, it is not necessarily a punishment, but her stepping up to help rectify a mistake.

[myfunnybunch]

If I had done that to another person's vehicle, I'd expect to pay for the damage. I don't think that's a punishment, it's just the right thing to do. When you break something that belongs to someone else, you pay to fix or replace it.

 

That said, she's young. It was an honest mistake, and you don't want to overwhelm her. Let her know that you really feel the right thing for her to do is to help pay for the repairs, whatever amount you think is fair. Make a payment plan for her to pay you back that amount.

 

Cat

[thessa516]

FWIW, I don't we do people a favour when we just fix their mistakes for them without any real consequences on their end. I can tell you that I learned a lot of good lessons from that mistake -- the least of which is "don't put diesel in a gasoline engine." I also learned how costly vehicle repairs can be, how long it takes to make $200 working a minimum wage job, and how my parents set a good example of pragmatism that has stayed with me my whole life. I don't get all angry and worked up over stuff like this because it's not something that warrants a big angry display, but I do believe in taking care of your mistakes yourself. That's the way the real world works.

 

:iagree:

[tex-mex]

That's a hard one. It's such a rookie mistake. I think I would probably have her pay a portion of it. Twelve hours a week, at what I am guessing is minimum wage, isn't a whole lot of money. So, I probably would have mercy and not have her pay the whole thing. Maybe $100-150? It would also depend on her general attitude about helping the family, and taking responsibility for her mistakes. If she is generally helpful and grateful, the portion would be smaller. If she tends to be snotty and entitled, I might lean towards the entire total. Only you can make that call.

:iagree: Some reparations are needed for a life $$$ lesson. But not the full amount. If the teen is arrogant -- then yeah, charge them the full amount and limit the use of the car. She sounds repentant? Yikes.

[tex-mex]

I would agree with this. I remember doing the exact same thing when I was a teen and a new driver. It was a $200 repair bill then, and I had to pay it back to my parents. They presented it to me as a simple matter of car maintenance and repair -- honest mistake or not, we all have to pay for maintenance and repairs. I thought it was fair, and was grateful they didn't get angry with me or otherwise punish me for that, like taking away my driving privileges.

 

FWIW, I don't we do people a favour when we just fix their mistakes for them without any real consequences on their end. I can tell you that I learned a lot of good lessons from that mistake -- the least of which is "don't put diesel in a gasoline engine." I also learned how costly vehicle repairs can be, how long it takes to make $200 working a minimum wage job, and how my parents set a good example of pragmatism that has stayed with me my whole life. I don't get all angry and worked up over stuff like this because it's not something that warrants a big angry display, but I do believe in taking care of your mistakes yourself. That's the way the real world works.

Absolutely.

 

There is no need to drag it on or cause a fight over it. But a lesson needs to be made. One time as a newlywed at MIL's ranch, I made the mistake of not securing the latch to the chicken coop. The ranch dog got in and scared the chickens and many died of fright (one was eaten). We woke up in the morning to dead chickens everywhere. MIL said nothing and showed no emotion. She kindly told me I should have double checked the latch. She handed me an apron and told me to come and help. We spent the rest of the day plucking feathers, blanching carcasses, butchering pieces, and wrapping all of them for freezer storage. I felt horrible but learned a HUGE lesson as a result. I also respected MIL not griping over it and treating me kindly (she is very pragmatic).

[Amy loves Bud]

First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again.

 

I agree with this. If she is generally a responsible girl, I'm pretty sure she's learned the lesson. I wouldn't make her pay if that's the case. However, if she is consistently irresponsible, I would make her pay.

[jenn-]

Be glad you got away so cheap. My SIL did the same thing in reverse (unleaded in a diesel) on her brand new car. $3000 later, it drives again. This could have been a very expensive mistake. I would make her pay a portion at least. When she realizes this mistake would/will take over 2 months of her paychecks, it will make her think twice before doing it again.

[May]

I would have her pay a portion of the bill.

[Dad 4 Boys]

I think a token payment toward the total would help reinforce the lesson. A quick education on diesel versus gasoline would be in order as well. I too thought that you couldn't put a proper diesel nozzle in the gas spout on any relatively current gasoline powered car. I would definitely check the setup at the station. You could put diesel from the proper diesel nozzle in a gasoline vehicle, but it would take some effort. You couldn't just stick it in the gas port and let it run like you do with the gasoline nozzle.

 

It can truly happen to anyone. When I was in the USAF, we had two different male officers put diesel fuel in gasoline powered alert response trucks. One of them did it twice. They both were college-educated combat-certified aircrew members, so it's not just teenage girls doing it.

[Laurie4b]

No, I would not make a teen pay for it. The cost to her is disproportionate to what she did . I don't see the purpose of making her pay.

 

How on earth was it possible to do? I've started to do it before and the nozzle will not fit into our tank--the nozzle for diesel is a different shape.:confused:

[Cherryanne]

I wouldn't. I think punishments should be more about teaching. First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again. (I know my kids would be mortified just at having caused so much damage.) If she does it again, she would be expected to pay for repairs.

 

:iagree:It's not like it was intentional.

[Daisy]

Yes, I'd have her help pay for it and not as a punishment. It is just something people do when they make a mistake that requires a repair. You made a mistake, okay. No one is mad. No one thinks badly of you. But you made a mistake and it took money to fix it, so you should do your part to help out.

 

I would make my 8yo do the same thing if he accidentally broke something of his sister's.

 

When I was 17yo, I would have helped pay for my own costly mistakes. I was working at that point though. It might be different if the teen still isn't working. Maybe extra chores to help out or something they can give up (winter camp) that would help pay the bill.

Edited December 8, 2010 by Daisy

[LaissezFaire]

I think it's an honest mistake that even many responsible adults have made. I would not expect her to repay it.

[DB in NJ]

I wouldn't. I think punishments should be more about teaching. First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again. (I know my kids would be mortified just at having caused so much damage.) If she does it again, she would be expected to pay for repairs.

 

Agree 100%. No need to punish for an honest mistake.

[Frontier Mom]

I wouldn't. I think punishments should be more about teaching. First time is an honest mistake. I doubt she will make it again. (I know my kids would be mortified just at having caused so much damage.) If she does it again, she would be expected to pay for repairs.

:iagree: My oldest goes tomorrow to get his license. Just found out our insurance rates:w00t:

 

The repair would be a cheaper lesson than a wreck. Also, I had a friend well above the driving age;) of 16 put diesel in her car by accident. It used to be more obvious than now at some stations. I will make sure to point this out to my ds though.

[Renee in NC]

This happened to a coworker where dh used to work. It is a simple mistake that even experienced adults make. He was not punished/censored/or forced to pay for it because it was simply an accident.

 

Having said that, my answer would depend entirely on this particular teen's pattern of behavior.

[Daisy]

This happened to a coworker where dh used to work. It is a simple mistake that even experienced adults make. He was not punished/censored/or forced to pay for it because it was simply an accident.

 

Having said that, my answer would depend entirely on this particular teen's pattern of behavior.

 

Wow, you mean the mechanic just fixed it for free? Or did his boss? I'm confused.

[ondreeuh]

17yo dd drove our family mini-van last week. Later that night it wasn't running properly, so we ended up taking it to the shop. The service manager said it was burning diesel - we questioned dd who had stopped for gas; she insisted that she put in unleaded. About $500 of repairs later, the van is running perfectly.

 

I just found dd's receipt for gas. She put in diesel.

 

So, does she pay back the repair money? She just started a part time job, about 12 hours a week.

 

Well, my dad made me pay the $250 deductible when I backed out of the garage before I opened the garage door. I was 17 and working about 12 hours a week at $5 an hour, so that was a big hit! I think his point was that if I was going to drive, I had to accept FULL responsibility as a driver. Full responsibility includes paying for damages from accidents/mistakes.

 

My dd will start driving soon and I will have the same policy. It sets the stage for adult decisions leading to adult consequences.

[momofkhm]

We made it so the first repairs are free to her. After that she pays 1/2 the repairs and the increase in insurance (if it's an accident).

[Renee in NC]

Wow, you mean the mechanic just fixed it for free? Or did his boss? I'm confused.

 

The company paid for it and didn't make a huge deal out of it EXCEPT he got a nickname that stuck and he is still called that years later. My point was that mistakes do happen and whether I would hold them responsible for none, part, or all of it would depend entirely upon the child and the circumstances.

 

My dh's boss could've fired him for that - it was an expensive mistake. However, he obviously decided an otherwise loyal, trustworthy, and responsible employee can mistakes, too. If it had been another employee, one who was known to be careless or irresponsible, then he might have fired him.

 

I try to extend grace when possible and save the lessons for when it is necessary.

[Old Dominion Heather]

What I would do:

 

I'd expect her to help pay for it. I'd split the cost with her and let her make payments on her share. $25 a month for 10 months will take care of it. That is not over the top and allows her to take on the adult responsibility of dealing with a driving mistake.

[Daisy]

Well, my dad made me pay the $250 deductible when I backed out of the garage before I opened the garage door. I was 17 and working about 12 hours a week at $5 an hour, so that was a big hit! I think his point was that if I was going to drive, I had to accept FULL responsibility as a driver. Full responsibility includes paying for damages from accidents/mistakes.

 

My dd will start driving soon and I will have the same policy. It sets the stage for adult decisions leading to adult consequences.

 

:iagree:

 

I expect my children to be aware of the fact that sometimes mistakes have financial consequences. It doesn't have anything to do with punishment. It is just life.

Edited December 8, 2010 by Daisy