How will your children manage conflict without school?

[Joy at Home]

I was listening to a radio show last night on my way back from work, and the show was about bullying. While no one excused blatant bullying, the consensus of the callers and the host all agreed that we baby our kids too much and that kids need to "handle problems for themselves" when faced with conflict with other children. The opinion was that by parents intervening every time a conflict arose with other kids, whether it was perceived to be actual "bullying" or not, it deprives the child the opportunity to handle it on their own and, theoretically, learn valuable "social skills". Although homeschooling wasn't mentioned specifically, it was obvious that the opinion would be that we are sheltering our kids. The majority of callers felt that it made them better adults having gone through the typical bullying that happens in school. This part really made me laugh out loud. Remembering the bullying I received in school and knowing how it damaged my soul, I can't imagine how this would help anyone with anything.

 

How would you respond to the argument that by homeschooling, we are denying our children teh valuable lessons they will need to deal with all kinds of people later in life. Of course I think this argument is a crock, but found myself trying to think of an articulate response and couldn't quite come up with the words I wanted to say. I wanted to call in and tell them how misguided this logic is, but didn't (but in all fairness, it was a repeat of an earlier show because it was 3 a.m.:D).

 

So, smart mamas, give me your best response!

lisa

Edited December 4, 2010 by Momto5girls

[Danestress]

Why bother, really?

 

Having more siblings would give my children more opportunities to learn to get along with others. They have the number they have.

 

Living a crowded apartment complex would teach them lessons about polite community living. They live where they live.

 

If they took the subway, they would learn all kinds of things, but we have a car.

 

I'm sure kids learn all sorts of valuable social lessons by being in school, and no doubt they do learn things about peer relationships. Mine might learn some of those things other ways, and might miss out on some of those lessons. But they also miss out on lessons about caring for living beings that having a turtle might give them. I still don't want a turtle.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

My kids step outside the house and deal with people, they'll understand how to handle conflict. Even if they never walked beyond our front door, they would still get it because of family dynamics. It's crazy to think that putting kids in a situation where they could be potentially bullied is good for them and will make them into better adults who can handle conflict better than a child who hasn't had to deal with that. :001_huh:

 

Just watching dh and I deal with our conflicts from time to time is a good lesson on how to walk through things with someone and come out the other side still close. I think they learn more from family dynamics than anything else.

[Tammyla]

I think it's an odd way to justify not dealing with (and by effect endorsing) bullying in public schools.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

Here's my thoughts on this - not sure how it relates, but its one of the main reasons I decided to HS my oldest DS, who was actually doing great in PS.

 

The deal with bullying is that often, these impressionable kids still very fragile with their emotions and developing their sense of who they are, will conform to others around them. To avoid bullying they won't be their true selves because maybe their true self is weird or "not cool". I see it more and more these days. Not so much when I was a kid, but it started to happen when I got into high school. Now though I saw it in my sons' PS as early as kindergarten...the bragging, the teasing about who has or didn't have what and so on...

 

So I decided to HS my sons for many reasons, but partly because I think it will make them STRONGER and a better person to be comfortable with themselves and their own unique personalities. They won't have to compete with other students or be teased about their unique differences. For example, my oldest DS loves to read. Obsessed with reading. He'd spend his lunch time breaks at PS reading usually. Thankfully it was early enough that he didn't hear any teasing yet, but he was in 5th grade and it would be coming very soon I know. Soon he'd give up his books because books weren't cool or whatever.

 

So how is it healthy to deal with bullying? I don't think is. I think it destroys these unique littler personalities and instead teaches them to conform to avoid being "different" and being teased. I want to foster a strong self-image. and pride in self..not the opposite.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

Oh and as far as dealing with conflict...they get TONS of practice with their brothers. ;) lol

Even those kids without many siblings, its not like they are totally locked in their house. Everyone has to deal with society and conflict...at the playground, with friends, at church, wherever...

[Tarreymere]

My mom thought it would be great to have me start kindergarten at age four, since the cut-off for kindergarten in those days was that the child had to be five by January 30th of the school year. Unfortunately, our family is also naturally shorter than average. So, to make a long story short, there was no way to 'fit in' to avoid being a target when one is not only about a year younger, nearsighted, and quite a bit shorter than one's classmates. I spent years being beat up, dragged down the hallways, playgrounds, or streets in a choke hold, ect. I suppose no one ever intervened because I was supposed to somehow 'solve' the problem on my own. I can understand why some kids bring weapons to school because if I had had access to a handgun I certainly would have been carrying it. The law of the jungle is that the bigger predator wins, and that was what I learned.

 

I guess that perhaps those experiences could possibly prepared me for a lifetime of being abused by a domestic partner or some other sort of thing, but I chose to enter the Army after high school and I made it a point to study martial arts and take classes in self-defense. I also learned that it is illegal to physically assault other people no matter how old they are and that people who assault others can be arrested and might go to jail. I would never put up with or otherwise expect to 'solve' that kind of problem on my own as an adult, I would call the police and expect that the 'bully' would be arrested. And if the cops choose not to intervene, well I have weapons at hand, and that is also a direct result of my childhood experiences, that might makes right.

[ChiMomNP]

I think it is nonsense. I think any adult who thinks it is OK for children to be tormented by other children has a screw loose. I don't think it teaches children to deal with conflict as adults. I think it scars them, damages them, and robs them of parts of their childhood.

[Barry Goldwater]

I was listening to a radio show last night on my way back from work, and the show was about bullying. While no one excused blatant bullying, the consensus of the callers and the host all agreed that we baby our kids too much and that kids need to "handle problems for themselves" when faced with conflict with other children. The opinion was that by parents intervening every time a conflict arose with other kids, whether it was perceived to be actual "bullying" or not, it deprives the child the opportunity to handle it on their own and, theoretically, learn valuable "social skills". Although homeschooling wasn't mentioned specifically, it was obvious that the opinion would be that we are sheltering our kids. The majority of callers felt that it made them better adults having gone through the typical bullying that happens in school. This part really made me laugh out loud. Remembering the bullying I received in school and knowing how it damaged my soul, I can't imagine how this would help anyone with anything.

 

How would you respond to the argument that by homeschooling, we are denying our children teh valuable lessons they will need to deal with all kinds of people later in life. Of course I think this argument is a crock, but found myself trying to think of an articulate response and couldn't quite come up with the words I wanted to say. I wanted to call in and tell them how misguided this logic is, but didn't (but in all fairness, it was a repeat of an earlier show because it was 3 a.m.:D).

 

So, smart mamas, give me your best response!

lisa

:lol::lol::lol: regarding the bolded...so true!

 

How about quasi-smart daddies? :D

 

It's a fairly good argument in case they end up in state prison, but I can't think of another situation that they need to be prepared for via bullying and harassment, that precisely resembes the PS setting.

 

And there's the whole issue of being under the complete authority of a non-family-member adult, perhaps of questionable qualification, w/o any sort of consent on the child's part...I don't think that's a healthy dynamic for a child either. I mean, even if you argue that you may be bullied or mistreated at work or in an adult social dynamic, you have more recourse in those settings than you do as an 8-yr old PS kid...

[Firefly]

My two have experienced and/or witnessed bullying in some of our homeschool circles, and once at a public playground (not sure if the bully was schooled or not). You don't need to go to school to deal with it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Given all the suicides lately from school bullying gone rampant, I'm surprised that this is used as an argument any more.

[K&Rs Mom]

Oh and as far as dealing with conflict...they get TONS of practice with their brothers. ;) lol

Even those kids without many siblings, its not like they are totally locked in their house. Everyone has to deal with society and conflict...at the playground, with friends, at church, wherever...

 

:iagree: There's plenty of conflict outside those buildings, that my dc are learning to deal with.

[Cherryanne]

Why bother, really?

 

Having more siblings would give my children more opportunities to learn to get along with others. They have the number they have.

 

Living a crowded apartment complex would teach them lessons about polite community living. They live where they live.

 

If they took the subway, they would learn all kinds of things, but we have a car.

 

I'm sure kids learn all sorts of valuable social lessons by being in school, and no doubt they do learn things about peer relationships. Mine might learn some of those things other ways, and might miss out on some of those lessons. But they also miss out on lessons about caring for living beings that having a turtle might give them. I still don't want a turtle.

 

Wow! I really needed to hear this.

[Cherryanne]

 

The deal with bullying is that often, these impressionable kids still very fragile with their emotions and developing their sense of who they are, will conform to others around them. To avoid bullying they won't be their true selves because maybe their true self is weird or "not cool". I see it more and more these days. Not so much when I was a kid, but it started to happen when I got into high school. Now though I saw it in my sons' PS as early as kindergarten...the bragging, the teasing about who has or didn't have what and so on...

 

So I decided to HS my sons for many reasons, but partly because I think it will make them STRONGER and a better person to be comfortable with themselves and their own unique personalities. They won't have to compete with other students or be teased about their unique differences. For example, my oldest DS loves to read. Obsessed with reading. He'd spend his lunch time breaks at PS reading usually. Thankfully it was early enough that he didn't hear any teasing yet, but he was in 5th grade and it would be coming very soon I know. Soon he'd give up his books because books weren't cool or whatever.

 

So how is it healthy to deal with bullying? I don't think is. I think it destroys these unique littler personalities and instead teaches them to conform to avoid being "different" and being teased. I want to foster a strong self-image. and pride in self..not the opposite.

 

This is exactly why we homeschool! I want my children to be who they want to be, not who their peers want them to be. I fell victim to this myself in middle and high school and if I could go back I would do it all differently.

[elegantlion]

Putting up with conflict in school? I did that, it made me quiet, reserved, edgy, and gave me low self-esteem for half of my adult life. That's what I want for my only child. :tongue_smilie: :glare:

 

Seriously, I tried not to let my horrid experience in public school color the experience my son could have, so that really wasn't a factor in our decision to homeschool.

 

But conflict? Life, life is a conflict. We've had so many issues ds has seen dh and I deal with over the years. Some we've dealt with well, some we haven't. Those are the type of conflicts ds may deal with in his future. We've always been very transparent with him about what may be "normal conflict" (like bad customer service, following up with business) and what is probably our fault in the first place (stupid decisions, etc). It gives him a certain maturity I don't think he'd have if we dealt with all those things when he was away at school.

[The Girls' Mom]

Really? I think my three adolescent daughters sharing one bedroom will handle the whole conflict thing quite well, thanks. :lol:

[Dawn in OH]

I think it is nonsense. I think any adult who thinks it is OK for children to be tormented by other children has a screw loose. I don't think it teaches children to deal with conflict as adults. I think it scars them, damages them, and robs them of parts of their childhood.

 

 

Well said. I agree.

[HRAAB]

I would introduce them to my oldest two. Somehow, in spite of the fact that we 'sheltered' them by homeschooling, they are perfectly capable of handling any conflict that has arisen in their lives. My dh and I have even discussed how it seems they are better at handling conflict than we were at that age - even with the supposed advantage we had of attending school. I think it is absolute nonsense to think that a child needs to attend school to learn how to deal with people. And now I know I was right.

[Matryoshka]

Point them at one of these articles - I posted them here last week (sorry about the red letters - I did a search to find the links and if I change the font color the link breaks...).

 

A World of Misery Left by Bullying

Inside the Bullied Brain: The Neuroscience of Taunting

 

It appals me that some people still think there's some kind of a benefit to being taunted or harassed. Now there's science to show them they're idiots.

[Hedgehog]

Putting up with conflict in school? I did that, it made me quiet, reserved, edgy, and gave me low self-esteem for half of my adult life. That's what I want for my only child. :tongue_smilie: :glare:

 

Seriously, I tried not to let my horrid experience in public school color the experience my son could have, so that really wasn't a factor in our decision to homeschool.

 

But conflict? Life, life is a conflict. We've had so many issues ds has seen dh and I deal with over the years. Some we've dealt with well, some we haven't. Those are the type of conflicts ds may deal with in his future. We've always been very transparent with him about what may be "normal conflict" (like bad customer service, following up with business) and what is probably our fault in the first place (stupid decisions, etc). It gives him a certain maturity I don't think he'd have if we dealt with all those things when he was away at school.

 

Well said. I also had to deal with a lot of conflict.. read mental and physical bullying.. at PS, and the result is NOT what I want for my dc. DH was homeschooled, so that helped us along the road to the decision to HS our own kids. :001_smile:

 

HSing your children certainly doesn't remove them from any experiences of conflict, fighting and bullying, although it may reduce it. I believe that the advantage of this is that you, as the parent, are usually there to see what happened so that you can talk about it with your dc; if not, they are with you soon enough to be able to bring it to you before they forget it. So much of this revolves around having a good relationship with your kids, which, IMO, HSing parents have a great opportunity to develop.

[Pretty in Pink]

Well, I wonder if those adults who feel that bullying made them stronger, more capable adults really experienced any intense bullying growing up. The kind that breaks your spirit, the kind that saps your self-confidence, the kind that leaves you timid and afraid. That kind of damage takes years to repair.

 

My eldest has been at home schooled since the beginning and he's a friendly kid who is able to stick up for himself. I don't fight his battles for him and he doesn't need me to. Purely anectdotal, I know...

[Farrar]

I was listening to a radio show last night on my way back from work, and the show was about bullying. While no one excused blatant bullying, the consensus of the callers and the host all agreed that we baby our kids too much and that kids need to "handle problems for themselves" when faced with conflict with other children. The opinion was that by parents intervening every time a conflict arose with other kids, whether it was perceived to be actual "bullying" or not, it deprives the child the opportunity to handle it on their own and, theoretically, learn valuable "social skills".

 

Okay, I actually agree that this is a problem in our society. Kids used to have more time to play freely with less adult oversight than now. I think they need that in order to develop those conflict resolution skills. BUT... I don't think there's any reason that schooling is better than homeschooling at this. If anything, schools are driven to oversee kids more and more whereas homeschooling parents have the freedom to decide when to intervene and when to back off.

 

Although homeschooling wasn't mentioned specifically, it was obvious that the opinion would be that we are sheltering our kids. The majority of callers felt that it made them better adults having gone through the typical bullying that happens in school. This part really made me laugh out loud. Remembering the bullying I received in school and knowing how it damaged my soul, I can't imagine how this would help anyone with anything.

 

And there's the problem. Having minor squabbles over toys and hurt feelings over things - even being picked on of being the odd one out sometimes are experiences that are character building and are good (not to mention inevitable) for all kids. Bullying is something else entirely. It's not good for anyone.

 

I think there's a complete lack of understanding by many parents these days about when to step in and when to leave kids to it. When we're with our good friends and we hear the kids fighting downstairs or on the other side of the park or whatever, we almost never go intervene. Come see us if there's blood or if you need a mediator is what we usually tell them. And the kids are getting better and better and working things out themselves. If we did intervene every time there were tears, that would rob them of the ability to learn that skill. However, I think for many parents these days, any tears from their littles must be dealt with immediately by them - the authority figure. It doesn't matter if it's a minor disagreement over the rules of an invented game or if a kid is genuinely being bullied because to some people, it's all the same.

 

And I think that interference for every little toy argument is part of what's causing the rise in bullying for older kids. Just one piece of a larger puzzle, but I still think it's one part.

 

How would you respond to the argument that by homeschooling, we are denying our children teh valuable lessons they will need to deal with all kinds of people later in life. Of course I think this argument is a crock, but found myself trying to think of an articulate response and couldn't quite come up with the words I wanted to say. I wanted to call in and tell them how misguided this logic is, but didn't (but in all fairness, it was a repeat of an earlier show because it was 3 a.m.:D).

 

So, smart mamas, give me your best response!

lisa

 

As others said, I think homeschooling can make kids stronger and can let them come at conflict (which they see all the time in families, with peers, in society, etc. anyway) from a stronger, healthier place than kids whose sense of self has been chipped away at by years of abuse in schools. Just sayin.

[Starr]

I'm sick of the bullying at school talk and how good it is for you. My dd was treated horribly and bullied at another churches youth group and I was often there and most of the families were our friends. You can run into mean people anywhere. Homeschooling isn't the cause of being overprotected nor does it make everyone nice.

[cathmom]

I also learned that it is illegal to physically assault other people no matter how old they are and that people who assault others can be arrested and might go to jail. I would never put up with or otherwise expect to 'solve' that kind of problem on my own as an adult, I would call the police and expect that the 'bully' would be arrested. And if the cops choose not to intervene, well I have weapons at hand, and that is also a direct result of my childhood experiences, that might makes right.

 

This is definitely one of the reasons we took our oldest out of school. He is an American citizen, with rights, and the school wanted us to give up his right to self-defense while he was there.

[TheAutumnOak]

Hmm...It would seem to me that allowing kids to stay in a situation where they are being bullied may be setting them up to be bullied in the future in other ways...That it is "normal" for the bigger, stronger, or wittier to force the upper hand on you...In real life, people do bully others, but it doesn't have to be tolerated...In a school setting you are forced to deal with it, making it a normal occurrence in your life and something you are more likely to put up with later on...

[myfunnybunch]

There is a difference between conflict and bullying.

 

When we're talking conflict resolution and bullying, we're comparing apples and oranges. Conflict is about people having different ideas; bullying is about power.

 

I do believe children need to learn to resolve conflicts. Learning to self-advocate, when to walk away, when to step in, how to speak words of peace, how to really listen to others are all valuable skills. School isn't the best or only place to learn those skills, and large groups of same-age (and developmental stage) peers are definitely not the best teachers of appropriate conflict resolution.

 

Cat

[duckens]

I don't think it teaches children to deal with conflict as adults. I think it scars them, damages them, and robs them of parts of their childhood.

The latest research on bullying shows that it does NOT make one stronger; it makes one more sensitive to teasing, etc.

 

By advocating for one's child in a bullying situation, one teaches the child:

 

1)that he/she is a person of value and that they don't deserve to be treated that way. NO ONE deserves to be treated that way.

 

2)how to advocate for themselves in such a situation. We learn to swim, read, skip, and make toast by watching others. How can we expect CHILDREN to advocate for themselves and work out this sort of situation without some mentoring? Yes, some can work it out on their own. Many cannot.

 

Two other issues:

 

1)If you are concerned that your child will not learn these self-advocacy skills on their own, then ask the child what they would like you to do concerning each situation.

 

2)As far as self-advocacy by the student, my experience is that the school does NOT take the student seriously if the student reports a problem. When a parent makes the exact complaint after the student has, THEN the school listens and (maybe) takes action.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Well, I think that kids DO need to learn how to deal with "less than desirable circumstances'', but that does NOT mean bullying! Here is what I think that means:

 

*Dealing with a sibling who is in a foul mood.

 

*Learning that you can't always have your own way/have to take turns.

 

*Learning to deal with the mean lady at the library/store,etc. who is ugly to him/her.

 

*Dealing with disappointment when plans fall through.

 

Now, to me, parents who shield their children from the above scenarios ARE sheltering their kids and NOT in a good way.

 

But,.....I do not think that bullying/dealing with being bullied has any redeeming value whatsoever!

[goldberry]

Children learn best to deal with conflict they way they best learn other things - in an environment that is safe, secure, and with loving parents to help them process what they are going through (which includes sometimes making mistakes on their own).

 

That is not the environment at school.

 

My argument is that the public school environment is not very much like "real life" at all. In the real world, "bullying" is called assualt, and "teasing", depending on the type, is called sexual harassment. So how well does that really prepare them to deal with conflict in real life? Many of the "strategies" that people use to get through PS and seem effective are in fact detrimental in adult life. I made it through - but to me, it was nothing like what the real world was (thank God!).

 

So put them in PS so they can learn to deal with conflict? Well maybe the way kids deal with conflict in PS is not the way I want my child to learn.

 

I do agree that parents often shelter and intervene too often. But that is a totally different issue and has more to do with individual parenting that it does with WHERE the child is located.

[smrtmama]

http://smrtlernins.com/2010/02/09/ask-a-smrt-homeschooler-about-exposure-to-tough-situations/

[FO4UR]

There is a difference between conflict and bullying.

 

When we're talking conflict resolution and bullying, we're comparing apples and oranges. Conflict is about people having different ideas; bullying is about power.

 

I do believe children need to learn to resolve conflicts. Learning to self-advocate, when to walk away, when to step in, how to speak words of peace, how to really listen to others are all valuable skills. School isn't the best or only place to learn those skills, and large groups of same-age (and developmental stage) peers are definitely not the best teachers of appropriate conflict resolution.

 

Cat

:iagree:

 

If adults behaved the way bullies behave in public schools, they could be arrested or fired or simply avoided. What is the ps teaching?

 

Children, in the custody of the public school system, are captive to sharing space with their bully. They cannot just choose to be a part of a different class or school and telling the teacher will not likely remedy the situation. This is abuse, not preparation for real life.

[Cherryanne]

Hmm...It would seem to me that allowing kids to stay in a situation where they are being bullied may be setting them up to be bullied in the future in other ways...That it is "normal" for the bigger, stronger, or wittier to force the upper hand on you...In real life, people do bully others, but it doesn't have to be tolerated...In a school setting you are forced to deal with it, making it a normal occurrence in your life and something you are more likely to put up with later on...

 

:iagree:Well put!

[sagira]

Excellent post, smrtmama! I agree. The bullying I got was mostly in elementary school (only child with thick glasses), and all it created was unpleasant memories and more sensitivity to teasing, criticism, etc. I was a more confident person before, and lost a bit if that there.

[Slojo's Homeschool]

Hmm... I know I'm late to the game, but my child was actually bullied off and on for months by a neighborhood kid (once, when he was with one of our sitters, he was told he'd be punched if he ever tried to play on the community playground; my two year old was called an "*expletive* piece of dirt" simply for being related to my eldest; other neighborhood kids were told not be be friends with my child), and it took a lot of intervention to have it stop.

 

Oh, and my child's only five (and the other kid, and at one point, a group of three kids, were between five and six - they start 'em early these days). Adult presence didn't seem to deter this kid - he'd blurt out threats, and actually once - early on - at a community party in our club house, kicked my kid and laughed. I had gone to the bathroom and I left my kid in the playroom for a few minutes (this was early on before I had any knowledge of his behavior patterns). Let' s say we added an extra subject to our curriculum - lots of talks about bullies.

 

Talking to the parents wasn't helpful as the child would say these things in front of his own mother and she'd blurt out some looney tunes excuse about how her son was just discharging some aggression. And even gave me some "motherly" advice about how we can't protect our children forever. I actually wished there was a principal or school staff to help intervene because dealing directly with looney tunes parents who do not see the damage their child is causing is not for the faint of heart.

 

So do we get to cross it off our list, and skip going to school since we've already been there, done that?

 

Been bullied? Check! Want to come up with another (non)reason to go to school?

 

- Slojo

Edited December 10, 2010 by Slojo's Homeschool

[Joyofsixreboot]

Well as others have said, my kids have plenty of siblings.

They participate in sports, scouts and clubs. There are plenty of low grade disagreements there.

I don't shelter my children, I just don't think they can necessarily steer their way through difficult social situations and concentrate on academics at the same time.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I think it is nonsense. I think any adult who thinks it is OK for children to be tormented by other children has a screw loose. I don't think it teaches children to deal with conflict as adults. I think it scars them, damages them, and robs them of parts of their childhood.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[pdalley]

Since I spent 12 years in the public school system and can't handle conflict I'd say that public school doesn't teach one how to handle conflict. :lol:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Well, there is conflict and then there is bullying. Dealing with conflict is an important skill. Siblings are excellent training for that;). Bullying is a whole 'nother issue. Some kids learn to deal with it, but those kids were never the "stereotypical" targets in the first place. More of an determining who is the alpha leader. Most of those kids who come out OK from a potential bullying situation have what I call "social currency." They have either a skill or trait that has social value. For example, I knew a dad who basically called those moms who were concerned about bullying a bunch of "candy-a$$es" who were raising mama's boys. He said that because he was Asian, he was the target of a lot of bullying (I don't think he really knew the meaning of the word.) But, this dad was a star football player, so he had "social currency."

 

I see nothing positive about bullying. The soul destroying harassment is not a "good thing." That said, I do think it is a good idea to prepare our kids to learn how to deal with it. However, at 47, I still don't fully know what that means. When I see these situations, I feel like I am 12 years old again and my heart starts racing and I break out into a sweat. As you can see, I am not really over it. I don't think it did anything positive for me - it did line the pockets of quite a few therapists.

[pdalley]

Well, there is conflict and then there is bullying. Dealing with conflict is an important skill. Siblings are excellent training for that;). Bullying is a whole 'nother issue. Some kids learn to deal with it, but those kids were never the "stereotypical" targets in the first place. More of an determining who is the alpha leader. Most of those kids who come out OK from a potential bullying situation have what I call "social currency." They have either a skill or trait that has social value. For example, I knew a dad who basically called those moms who were concerned about bullying a bunch of "candy-a$$es" who were raising mama's boys. He said that because he was Asian, he was the target of a lot of bullying (I don't think he really knew the meaning of the word.) But, this dad was a star football player, so he had "social currency."

 

I see nothing positive about bullying. The soul destroying harassment is not a "good thing." That said, I do think it is a good idea to prepare our kids to learn how to deal with it. However, at 47, I still don't fully know what that means. When I see these situations, I feel like I am 12 years old again and my heart starts racing and I break out into a sweat. As you can see, I am not really over it. I don't think it did anything positive for me - it did line the pockets of quite a few therapists.

:iagree: All those years of therapy and I still break out in a sweat thinking of the mean girls in 7th grade. On occasion I tend to be a bully myself because I over react and go into defensive mode.

 

I'm not worried about my middle - the golfer - or the youngest - who is the most complete unto himself person I have every met (even his Doctor with decades of experience in autism agrees with that). Middle has that social currency due to his golf skills. Youngest just does not care. It's my oldest who can and did take the brunt of the bullying in public school and occasionally outside of it. It opens old wounds for me and I'm at a loss at how to help him cope with it.

 

DH was an athlete and he had social currency so he's coming from a different viewpoint than I do.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

There is a difference in dealing with conflict and being tormented every day. As a public 6th grade student, I could deal with the conflict of snotty girls, who were my friends one day but not the next, all by myself, but I couldn't deal with the 8th grade boy who pounded on my head with pencils and stole my lunch money everyday by myself.

 

Dealing with bullying and learning conflict resolution are two very different things in my opinion.