I feel so alone in this...

[ProudGrandma]

my husband and I do not think video games, the Wii, lots of computer or TV time for the children is a good thing at all and most everyone around us (including many of the kid's friends) have these items and use them all of the time...and it is getting harder and harder for us to allow our kids to go play with friends because of this. Am I alone in this...just wondering.

[Joanne]

Do you want discussion or simply support from like minded people?

[Denisemomof4]

Stick to your convictions. We do own them but you need to stick to your convictions, especially where your dh and you are on the same page with this.

 

It's going to be harder for your kids NOT to do these while at friend's houses, though. Do you have a plan for how to handle this?

[Kalypso]

You are not alone. We don't allow any of those games here either. I really think it is worth the effort to keep it out of our home. My dh and I feel that kids have so many better ways to spend their time than staring at a screen. We do watch videos occasionally. So far, my kids do not feel like they are missing out on anything.

Edited August 27, 2010 by azmom

[tofuscramble]

My husband and I make them for a living (my husband full time). My kids all know how to make them. All 5 of us play them. Honestly though, if you don't like them then don't allow them. Stick to what you believe in.

[elfgivas]

we don't have them in our house; the dc can play with them when they are visiting friends. our friends know us well enough to know which games we might think aren't totally inappropriate. we also suggest they play outside for a bit each time.

 

fwiw,

ann

[NanceXToo]

It seems a shame to prohibit friendships and house visits for something like this. I mean it's fine to not use them in your home but does that mean the kids have to be sheltered from them everywhere, to the point of not being allowed to play with other friends? I imagine that could be very hard for them.

 

Admittedly I'm a more lenient parent with this kind of thing to begin with so maybe it's just me.

 

But, with that said, I AM strict (sort of) about which ONES my kids can play and be around.

 

For example, there are two 7 year olds, a 9 year old, and a 10 year old on our block who are all allowed to play Grand Theft Auto. (go ahead, gasp, mutter and curse in surprise and disgust, I'm totally with you!!!)

 

My kids are no way no how allowed to be around it. And so they've been told they are not allowed to play it, not allowed to watch it, and that they must come home if their friends are playing it at their houses. And their friends have been told they are not allowed to play it while here on their DS's.

 

Seriously. It boggles my mind!!!!!

 

So I'd enforce rules like those but not a blanket "you can't go to friends houses who play video games" or whatever.

[WiseOwlKnits]

We don't do a lot of tv/Wii time either. But it's amazing to me now how everyone expects to watch TV when they have a playdate. We've had 3 different friends lately come over for a playdate and ask to watch the TV. (We've never allowed TV time during playdates.)

[chiguirre]

We don't do video games. Dh and I found even the Atari too addictive and my ASD boys would find it too frustrating to allow and limit. I do allow tv, but try to steer the kids toward science and history topics. I haven't gotten much begging lately because the kids haven't been on a playdate where the others have games, but I wouldn't avoid a playdate because there will be a Wii. If the kids do ask, I just explain that autism affects what we can do as a family and it's not negotiable.

[ProudGrandma]

don't get me wrong, we aren't stopping the kids from playing with friends...but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...I mean..really...people criticize us for our kids being homeschooled and not being social...but when they WANT to be social with other kids...they are being ANTI-social becasue they are staring at a screen. I can't figure it out. I am not going to tell anybody how to parent...but I was just curious if there was ANYBODY out there on my page. Thanks for all of the replies!

[NanceXToo]

Have you ever read this, by the way?

 

http://sandradodd.com/game/nintendogold

[mcconnellboys]

No, not at all. The same exact thing has occurred with our family. I hate it....

[Sara in AZ]

We just got a Wii (not my choice.) We really limit screen time with our kids and it's a big house rule that we don't allow screen time during playdates. Many of our friends, but not all, have these rules, too. It really frustrates me when I find out my son has gone to a friend's house so excited to play and done nothing but video games for two hours.

[Gwenhwyfar]

but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...

 

Most of the kids that I see playing video games together are doing exactly that - playing them TOGETHER. They're competing, taking turns, cheering each other on, teasing each other if someone's character gets mowed down, stuff like that. ;)

[Joker]

don't get me wrong, we aren't stopping the kids from playing with friends...but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...I mean..really...people criticize us for our kids being homeschooled and not being social...but when they WANT to be social with other kids...they are being ANTI-social becasue they are staring at a screen. I can't figure it out. I am not going to tell anybody how to parent...but I was just curious if there was ANYBODY out there on my page. Thanks for all of the replies!

 

Hmm..when my kids play video games with their friends its definitely not anti-social behavior. There is a lot of laughing, talking and good times going on. They're not just staring at a screen.

[Lovedtodeath]

my husband and I do not think video games, the Wii, lots of computer or TV time for the children is a good thing at all and most everyone around us (including many of the kid's friends) have these items and use them all of the time...and it is getting harder and harder for us to allow our kids to go play with friends because of this. Am I alone in this...just wondering.

Hmmm.... no, as long as they don't use these things at your house then you aren't in danger of it being a habit and inhibiting them from doing other things. I don't see a reason to forbid them to visit friends. I know that I could mention it to the other mom though. BTW, I really don't let her play video games, watch TV shows... could you discourage that when she is over?

[Lovedtodeath]

don't get me wrong, we aren't stopping the kids from playing with friends...but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...I mean..really...people criticize us for our kids being homeschooled and not being social...but when they WANT to be social with other kids...they are being ANTI-social becasue they are staring at a screen. I can't figure it out. I am not going to tell anybody how to parent...but I was just curious if there was ANYBODY out there on my page. Thanks for all of the replies!

Oh, yes. She is not allowed to watch TV with friends over. I feel the exact same way on that point.

[Jilly]

Hmm..when my kids play video games with their friends its definitely not anti-social behavior. There is a lot of laughing, talking and good times going on. They're not just staring at a screen.

 

:iagree: My kids have Friday Night Fun Nights. Basically they invite over as many friends as they can, and they play video games, create video games, and make movies together. It is so much fun for everyone and definitely not anti-social.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I feel the same way. We finally got ds1 a DS last spring and two games to go with it, but he must earn the time to play it, by doing chores, reading books, etc. Ds2 isn't interested in having his own DS as much, yet. We don't have a Wii, but we do have Lego Star Wars for the the computer, and that is another thing that they have to earn.

 

And other kids have commented that playdates are boring at our house because there are no video games to play. I try to explain to the other kids and my own kids that a playdate means you actually PLAY with each other, not sit around together staring at a screen.

[Daisy]

We don't allow any of those things. We will let our children play wii at friend's homes. Most of our friends know we don't care for screens and so they tend to set limits on them when our kids come over. I've never asked them to do this. I think they actually see it as a good excuse to tell their own kids to go play outside.

 

My children are not allowed to go INSIDE one little neighbor boy's home though. I'm not disallowing the friendship. They are welcome to play outside with each other all day long (well, on non-school days). But this little 8yo boy plays the most incredibly violent video games and I know his mother and father do not regulate his play.

 

Most of my kids' friends have some kind of entertainment technology in their home and we have no problem with that, but my kids don't have any deep friendships with kids who are constantly playing video games and screens. Not because we've ever forbidden it or discouraged it but because they just don't have much in common with those children.

Edited August 28, 2010 by Daisy

[ma23peas]

don't get me wrong, we aren't stopping the kids from playing with friends...but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...I mean..really...people criticize us for our kids being homeschooled and not being social...but when they WANT to be social with other kids...they are being ANTI-social becasue they are staring at a screen. I can't figure it out. I am not going to tell anybody how to parent...but I was just curious if there was ANYBODY out there on my page. Thanks for all of the replies!

 

This has been a struggle in our home, and we have balance now, finally, it was not a fun road but here is our experience..My husband worked for Microsoft, he HAD to test games everyday..so essentially he had to play for his income!! So we have game issues starting with my dh! :) He always got games before they came out and loved playing with his friends..ff to when we had kids..and now our 15 year old has (had) practically made it an idol...his self-confidence comes from excelling...he did well at speech and debate so therefore he loved it, he excelled at games, so therefore he loved it...but it was causing him to make poor decisions..

 

Our answer was to ban any computer/video games M-F....None at all whatsoever....it's worked GREAT!!! On the weekend we allow them to play only and only if they've completed all their assignments....we're just plain mean :) It's working so well, I don't know why we didn't do it sooner.

 

That said, the main thing that I do like about video games is the comraderie between siblings, mine don't fight about it they really encourage each other and are excited and laugh and have a good time...they need those moments...otherwise they seem to branch off on their own and do their own thing (also good, but I love to hear the laughs and encouragment between them)..

Another thing I like is that they can play online with friends around the world..we cruised the Mediterranean this year and they made some fun friends from England...they can actually play on the same team and talk to each other as they play..they do the same with cousins that are far away...and b/c their Dad is such a gamer (he's realized the hold it has on our son, and due to that he's cut his own time way back, maybe 3 hours a week) they get fun time with Dad and I get peace to do something on my own without kids needing me for something! :)

 

I think with all things, it's moderation...I choose not to drink alcohol...but it doesn't bother me if someone else does, unless it starts becoming an idol like all things can....

 

hth!

Tara

[Julie in AZ]

We don't have video games in our home. The grandparents have some and our dc can play on holidays. Most of our friends limit gaming if they know we are coming over. We don't ask for it and don't mind if our dc play once in a while with friends. Our dc know which kind of games are appropriate for them to play.

 

We're strict about computer use and screen time here too. I think it's a healthy way to live. :)

[Hedgehog]

You're not alone at all. :001_smile:

 

We found that whenever our dc either watched a movie or played computer games they would start arguing or scrapping as soon as it was finished. I'm really not sure why this happened although I did wonder whether it was a question of pent up adrenaline which they needed to release. It was much worse with my ds than with my dds.

 

So.. we have a rule in our house that there are no movies or computer games during the week. At the weekend they are allowed one movie (for everyone) or one game (each) and when it's done, that's it. We then immediately do some kind of physical activity. So far it seems to have worked, and in addition, the kids look forward to it as a really special treat.

[anneofalamo]

we have never had tv or movies...something we decided before we married actually.

four children later, we had ALL the games, and the reasons for not wanting TV were not just a single one, time stealer was one, and we watched the time taken even when we had limits, it wasn't sitting right.

We sold them all, bought a trampoline.

Best decision for OUR family!

My kids don't go to other kids homes very often, they play outside, I don't know why they have to be in another person's house? We don't have other kids in to our home either!

They all play on the back porch, side yard or at parks in the neighborhood!

Rainy days are few, but when they happen, we have games for us to play, they can live without so and so every day! lol

[amy g.]

My 14 year old spent the weekend at his 12 year old friend's house. It turns out that the friend played a rated M, single player game all weekend.

 

His friend and the mom know that Ds is not allowed to play rated M games. I guess they just didn't care. since my ds wouldn't just play anyway, the friend started asking his mom, "Isn't it time for him to go home yet?"

 

And people think homeschoolers are not well-socialized.

[Brindee]

Well, we went a long time the same way. Lots of our kids friends had the latest games and gadgets, but we basically had table games that we did together, and reading and toys the kids enjoyed and played with together.

 

HOWEVER, about 3 years ago, with 16 and 14 year old boys, dh got a Wii. They did mostly the outdoor/exercise stuff.

 

Now they're 19, almost 17 and dd is 13. They all have cell phones so we can keep in touch, and they have some computer games that they do sometimes, but still we try to keep it in check.

 

So my answer varies: When they were little: absolutely not, we were on the same page as you are. Now that they're older: probably more than I like. ;) Yet, it's still within reason, and not violent.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You are not alone. Ds13 has had trouble with addiction to computer/video media. Playing at other people's houses would be a serious problem for him. Unfortunately I've found that even parents do not care to understand the issue so we tend to avoid playdates (or whatever you call it for teens - playdates sounds way too young!). Fortunately he has other social outlets that are with teens but are not at places with media.

[Brindee]

My 14 year old spent the weekend at his 12 year old friend's house. It turns out that the friend played a rated M, single player game all weekend.

 

His friend and the mom know that Ds is not allowed to play rated M games. I guess they just didn't care. since my ds wouldn't just play anyway, the friend started asking his mom, "Isn't it time for him to go home yet?"

 

And people think homeschoolers are not well-socialized.

Seriously??? :eek::svengo:

 

:001_unsure: How sad for your ds!

 

 

:thumbdown: Won't be goin' there again!!!

[woolybear]

From my own experience I know this can be a tough one. Here are a few thoughts:

--Invite their friends to your house more.

--When they are going to a friend's house, maybe you can be a bit looser about it (knowing it is not their life, just an occasional visit). By the same token, I think it would be reasonable to mention to the other parent that you don't mind their playing ____, but could it be limited to ____. (Whatever you feel comfortable with. Perhaps certain ratings. Perhaps saying, "Can it be just for an hour?" I don't know if you would be comfortable with any of that, if it would actually happen, etc. Just a possibility......

[woolybear]

Hmmmm....I just read some of the other replies. Maybe my ideas are not realistic.:confused:

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Hmmmm....I just read some of the other replies. Maybe my ideas are not realistic.:confused:

Your ideas and mine were the same. :D

[Joanne]

Best decision for OUR family!

My kids don't go to other kids homes very often, they play outside, I don't know why they have to be in another person's house? We don't have other kids in to our home either!

 

This seems rather odd to me from the perspective of my childhood and now as a mother.

 

I spent hours in neighbor's homes, those children spent hours in mine. We also spent hours outside, mostly regardless of the weather. (New Jersey)

 

My kids today have spent hours in their friend's homes; their friends have spent hours in ours. I am currently IMing on Facebook with a teen who lived in our neighborhood a while back and has moved away. I feel terribly fondly about him - I miss both him and his brother in spite of how much their appitite affected our food budget when they were here! We impacted each other's lives in positive ways.

 

My kids (and the age peers in the neighborhood they have grown up with) spend hours outside. Now they "hang", but they use to play. Summers are filled with "dark hide and go seek".

[FO4UR]

We don't own a TV or any gaming system. We watch "TV" via the internet or DVD's a couple times per week (dh and the kids do anyway...). My nephew brought his Wii to Grandma's house when we were all there this summer. It was really fun! He had wholesome games, and tbh I would like to have them for my dc.

 

My convictions about not owning a TV and video games are partly held together by lack of family funds.;)

 

Games need to be clean, and the time needs a healthy limit. (like any other thing in life)

[justamouse]

Most of the kids that I see playing video games together are doing exactly that - playing them TOGETHER. They're competing, taking turns, cheering each other on, teasing each other if someone's character gets mowed down, stuff like that. ;)

 

 

This. I allow it all and we have multiple game because my kids are so well balanced with them. It's very rare that they spend the day in front of the 'screen'. More likely they'll spend it outside playing football or in the pool. When they pool their money and ask for a new game I have no problem saying yes. They'll play it for a few days and then it all wears off. I also enjoy doing the wii fit and yoga, myself. Jumping around keeping penguins on the iceberg while my kids laugh and cheer me on is pretty fun on a snowy or rainy day.

 

If you don't put a huge amount of energy into it, neither will they. And, I believe your negative energy is still energy. Instead of teaching balance, how to self control and regulate, you're saying, "You couldn't possibly withhold yourself from the powers these things will have over you." and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

[ScoutTN]

You are not alone. We are very similar.

I expect that as our kids get older, we'll allow some electronic entertainment.

We don't want to be legalistic or shelter our kids too much.

But we do want to encourage outdoor and imaginative play, reading, simple toys, board games etc.

 

If you and your DH are comfortable, go with it.

[MariannNOVA]

From my own experience I know this can be a tough one. Here are a few thoughts:

--Invite their friends to your house more.

--When they are going to a friend's house, maybe you can be a bit looser about it (knowing it is not their life, just an occasional visit). By the same token, I think it would be reasonable to mention to the other parent that you don't mind their playing ____, but could it be limited to ____. (Whatever you feel comfortable with. Perhaps certain ratings. Perhaps saying, "Can it be just for an hour?" I don't know if you would be comfortable with any of that, if it would actually happen, etc. Just a possibility......

 

Hmmmm....I just read some of the other replies. Maybe my ideas are not realistic.:confused:

 

I thought your suggestions were reasonable and doable. DH and I do exactly what you suggested.

 

We do not have tv - have not had it for almost 7 months. DS9 would sit in front of anything on a screen for 24 hours a day if I let him. It is best to re-direct him to other things that impact him positively. Not having Wii and tv and other stuff HAS been a positive for our family. I am envious when I see families whose kids can watch a show or play a game and then turn it off and walk away. But, that is not the case here.

[justamouse]

My kids don't go to other kids homes very often, they play outside, I don't know why they have to be in another person's house? We don't have other kids in to our home either!

They all play on the back porch, side yard or at parks in the neighborhood!

Rainy days are few, but when they happen, we have games for us to play, they can live without so and so every day! lol

 

Wow, I was raised with a passel of kids and we hopped from house to house and had the best time. Even as an introvert I had wonderful times playing at my friends houses and we now have playdates all the time.

[Corraleno]

don't get me wrong, we aren't stopping the kids from playing with friends...but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...I mean..really...people criticize us for our kids being homeschooled and not being social...but when they WANT to be social with other kids...they are being ANTI-social becasue they are staring at a screen. I can't figure it out. I am not going to tell anybody how to parent...but I was just curious if there was ANYBODY out there on my page. Thanks for all of the replies!

 

:iagree:

I know some kids can handle games in moderation, but mine can't. I took all the computer games away and replaced them with lego kits, board games, snap circuits, model kits, foam swords, and lots of other fun stuff. We also have a trampoline and an assortment of pogo sticks and bikes. It really bugged me that when DS's friends came over the only thing they ever wanted to do was play video games — I don't care if they're interacting/cooperating/cheering each other on, I don't think 11-12 yo boys need to be sitting on their butts in front of a computer for hours at a time. Now that it's no longer an option at our house, they run, jump, pogo, sword fight, build things, etc., and they have a great time.

 

When I told the other moms that I took all the games away, they were like You mean moms can do that???? :lol: I said I would appreciate it if they also didn't allow gaming during playdates, but if they weren't comfortable with that, to please limit DS to 30 minutes max. So once in a while DS will play a game like Spore or Age of Mythology at a friend's house, for half an hour, and I'm fine with that. DS even told me he's glad about the rule, because the playdates are a lot more fun now that they're playing legos, digging holes, building forts, etc. His best friend's family also now limit gaming to a few hours/wk, they bought a trampoline, and they're considering enrolling their son in DS's Tae Kwon Do class.

 

So I would talk to the other moms — you never know, you may start a trend. ;)

 

Jackie

[Corraleno]

If you don't put a huge amount of energy into it, neither will they. And, I believe your negative energy is still energy. Instead of teaching balance, how to self control and regulate, you're saying, "You couldn't possibly withhold yourself from the powers these things will have over you." and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Some kids really can't control themselves; those constant little squirts of dopamine you get from gaming can be literally addictive, especially for kids who are low in dopamine to begin with. I saw the effects that even limited gaming had on my son, and I have two nephews whose lives have been totally ruined by gaming addictions — not because their families put too much "negative energy" into it, or didn't try to teach them self-regulation, but because some kids have biochemical issues that make them particularly susceptible to "self-medicating" this way.

 

Jackie

[ProudGrandma]

another point that I didn't make nor did anybody else...years ago when Baby Eistein DVD's came out, they were all the rage...they were advertised and even "pushed" as not only ok for young children to watch and even stated to be good for them and their deveolping brains....but now 8 years later, it is being discovered that very young children watching these DVD's (or any other TV) didn't help and even hurt the developing brains of our children. So, now with our older kids, the affects might not be as drastic or damaging, but they still might be affected...I, for one am not willing to experiement with my children's brains, all for the idea of me letting my kids play a few hours of wii once a week just so they can "fit in"...or whatever. Because nobody knows how much is too much...is it 1 hour a day, is it 30 minutes a day, is it 2 hours a week, etc...and if we can help our children enjoy doing other things than doing mindless exercises...we will. It take work to come up with creative play, so the more practice they get, the better they will be.

 

Thanks to everyone who has responded...I certainly respect everyone's opinion and their parenting choices...it is just nice to know that I am not completely alone in my choices too.

[katemary63]

we don't have them in our house; the dc can play with them when they are visiting friends. our friends know us well enough to know which games we might think aren't totally inappropriate. we also suggest they play outside for a bit each time.

 

fwiw,

ann

 

This seems reasonable. Why can't your kids just have the fun of playing them (appropriate games) at other people's homes. That certainly won't add up to "too much" screen time. And heck, many of the wii games are family oriented things that allow for physical movement. Surely they can play them at friend's homes...no?

[justamouse]

Some kids really can't control themselves; those constant little squirts of dopamine you get from gaming can be literally addictive, especially for kids who are low in dopamine to begin with. I saw the effects that even limited gaming had on my son, and I have two nephews whose lives have been totally ruined by gaming addictions — not because their families put too much "negative energy" into it, or didn't try to teach them self-regulation, but because some kids have biochemical issues that make them particularly susceptible to "self-medicating" this way.

 

Jackie

 

 

Everyone self medicates. Religion is technically self medication. So is coffee, bubbies, passies and TV. Balance.

 

I didn't mean to offend, some people are pretty susceptible to addictions. I come from a family of them, I get it. I also had one where I regulated everything, didn't allow anything and he is my terror (my oldest). I was just trying to be a good parent, you know? Totally backfired on me. I learned my lesson and now I teach them how to balance. My other 6? Just about darned near perfect. My kids didn't change, I changed the way I parented them.

[katemary63]

don't get me wrong, we aren't stopping the kids from playing with friends...but what a waste of play time with friends if all you are doing is staring at a screen...I mean..really...people criticize us for our kids being homeschooled and not being social...but when they WANT to be social with other kids...they are being ANTI-social becasue they are staring at a screen. I can't figure it out. I am not going to tell anybody how to parent...but I was just curious if there was ANYBODY out there on my page. Thanks for all of the replies!

 

I have nothing against you deciding for your family that screen activities are not for you. But...I don't think you really have an acurate idea of what some video games are like. The wii and some other games are very, very social activities. Some of the funnest and funniest times we've had as a family and with larger groups of church friends, children and adult, have been playing the wii. We laugh, joke, talk and play. It's very social. Have you ever sat and watched a room of teenage boys playing video games, guitar hero or sports games together? They are having a blast, TOGETHER. I can't imagine how someone can validly claim that video games are any less social then board games. It's often the same exact activity, only turned vertical. (I am refering to video games that are played together, not individually.)

 

Just something to think about. Not saying you should change your mind or anything.

[justamouse]

another point that I didn't make nor did anybody else...years ago when Baby Eistein DVD's came out, they were all the rage...they were advertised and even "pushed" as not only ok for young children to watch and even stated to be good for them and their deveolping brains....but now 8 years later, it is being discovered that very young children watching these DVD's (or any other TV) didn't help and even hurt the developing brains of our children. So, now with our older kids, the affects might not be as drastic or damaging, but they still might be affected...I, for one am not willing to experiement with my children's brains, all for the idea of me letting my kids play a few hours of wii once a week just so they can "fit in"...or whatever. Because nobody knows how much is too much...is it 1 hour a day, is it 30 minutes a day, is it 2 hours a week, etc...and if we can help our children enjoy doing other things than doing mindless exercises...we will. It take work to come up with creative play, so the more practice they get, the better they will be.

 

Thanks to everyone who has responded...I certainly respect everyone's opinion and their parenting choices...it is just nice to know that I am not completely alone in my choices too.

 

Every year something like that comes out. Every year some new brilliant wonderful and will solve all of your homeschooling woes make your child love mathsciencelanguagearts this has NEVER been done before curriculum comes out. You don't buy into it, do you? No.

 

It's not mindless exercises. Some of the men who make those game are geniuses and brilliant. It's their art form. It's a science. I use my computer to write, make collages, take pictures, SOMEONE make those programs. people who let their kids play with the computers and games. My four year old knows how to navigate the web. She knows where she's allowed and in all my year having a computer I've never ever had to reprimand a kid for watching anything inappropriate.

 

Those wii games aren't mindless. That's just what you're telling yourself to validate your choice. My kids use it to make memories. They make bands, they sing and play together, they play games, compete and laugh together. When it's extra funny they talk about it for days. Granted, they do that when they're flying thier planes outside, too, but you're making it out like it's some soul sucking evil and it's just not. It is what you make it. It's a tool.

[katemary63]

If you don't put a huge amount of energy into it, neither will they. And, I believe your negative energy is still energy. Instead of teaching balance, how to self control and regulate, you're saying, "You couldn't possibly withhold yourself from the powers these things will have over you." and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

:iagree: MOst kids play with them like they play with anything else. They splurge for a while and then move on to something else. My kids sometimes forgot we had the games. Then they'd get them out and and start up again. It was never any big deal. If your kids are involved in sports and have a variety of interests, video games will be just one of the many things they do. Our kids had every game system you can think of over the years and many, many games. We never had specific rules about use, but if I noticed someone playing too much I'd say, "Hey, go do something else for a while." and they would. To be comepletely honest, if I think about it, my kids played their games a lot less then I thought they would. It was no big deal. Just another fun thing to do sometimes.

[Amy in NH]

We also have no video games/TV. We have a DVD player that we use a few times per week, and we have a few computer games which we limit. We have tons of board games, Legos, Playmobil, outdoor games, etc.

 

My ex allows my older boys to have unlimited video games, and that is pretty much all my 13 yo does when he is visiting his dad. Since he was 2 years old, he has done nothing but TV and video games for weeks at a time over there. For example, he has been there for 3 weeks now. He has been up until 3-4 am nightly to play video games & hang out online. He admits to spending most of his time (8-10+ hours per day) playing World of Warcraft.

 

Dopamine is a powerful drug. He comes home depressed and bored with anything that isn't a screen; acts just like he's going through drug withdrawals. It is heartbreaking to see his creativity ruined, his sleep patterns disrupted, and his lack of joy for anything else. After a few weeks he evens out and becomes healthy again, only to go back for more.

Unfortunately, the court doesn't seem to care. Our new situation is such that he will never again be home long enough to finish detoxing.

[ProudGrandma]

Dopamine is a powerful drug. He comes home depressed and bored with anything that isn't a screen; acts just like he's going through drug withdrawals. It is heartbreaking to see his creativity ruined, his sleep patterns disrupted, and his lack of joy for anything else. After a few weeks he evens out and becomes healthy again, only to go back for more.

Unfortunately, the court doesn't seem to care. Our new situation is such that he will never again be home long enough to finish detoxing.

 

yes, exactly! Whenever our kids do get to watch a video or play on the computer, when it is all over, they act like zombies...can't quite figure out what to do now...they sort looked like they have been drugged.

[justamouse]

Mine get up and go play. They watched cartoons this morning then went out and played kickball together. No dopamine. Perhaps with yours it's because they use it so little that they can't get control over it.

[5kidsforME]

Most of the kids that I see playing video games together are doing exactly that - playing them TOGETHER. They're competing, taking turns, cheering each other on, teasing each other if someone's character gets mowed down, stuff like that. ;)

 

That is how I always felt about the Wii until we got one. Then I realized you are so busy staring at the screen you never interact with each other. No eye contact etc... That bothered me. I'm sure it doesn't bother others but it did, dh and I. We got rid of it. No video games here anymore.

[cjbeach]

I'm not a big advocate of them. Personally we've been tv-free, then tv just in our room, etc.. TV is NOT big in our house. Computers and wii are a different story....

 

My son is an Aspie and conversation skills and social skills are our #1 teaching priority with him. The wii has totally opened up a new world of friendship to him having found like-minded kids in the neighborhood. The kids come here and hang out HERE, with me in the room, playing wii or playing on the computer. This works for him and they INTERACT, they share, they laugh, they switch games every few minutes ...

 

Conversely we had a friend's son come over who is not into video games at all or computers, but is a sports nut. (I secretly wish my son was into sports but he's not. He has ZERO interest in sports.) The 2 boys has nothing in common and the sports kid thought there was something wrong with my kid because he could not play the way he could,nor was he even interested in playing.

 

Kids are wired differently and kids have different interests

 

Though we took all electronics away and gave him a garage full of bikes and sports equipment, he only had an interest in the bike.

 

So, for us, eclectronics has "opened a door" for our guy, who is wired a bit different, socially. The kid has been drawn to all things electronic since he was a baby (he's hyperlexic and serioulsy at 22 mos he was the entertainment at a Xmas party when the cousins gave him a remote and told him to go to "channel x, y or z." He was born this way. Never taught to use a remote control, he just knew).

 

But it's all about how you parent - we parent by limit setting, overseeing our child, and all things in moderation.

Edited August 28, 2010 by cjbeach