The "Yes Ma'am" "No Ma'am" issue...what's your stance?

[PygmyShrew]

Ok. I'm 36 years old and I know I'm not as stylish and my waist isn't exactly 27 anymore, but I feel sooooo old when some people call me ma'am.

I live in south Alabama, so I know this is common here, and I guess in our "culture" it's best to err on the side of ma'aming when unsure, but I'm finding it irksome sometimes.

My neighbor is 24 and he calls me "Ma'am"!

I want to ask them how old DO I LOOK? ( i know I need a makeover, but....whew!).

 

:confused1:What's your opinion?

 

When did you notice getting the "Ma'am"s?

Did you like it or not?

What state are you from? (want to compare regional differences)

At what age gap do you think a person should "Ma'am" someone ---- a 10+ year age seniority gap, a 15+ or what?

Edited August 28, 2010 by PygmyShrew

[mommaduck]

I've lived all over. I've had older people call me ma'am. It's a general form of respect. Now when I had an older friend's teenage son (as in he was older than some of my siblings) calling me Mrs *** while I was only mid 20's, THAT was a bit disconcerting, but he was showing me respect. I made a deal with him and his mama that he could start using my first name once he hit 21 (he was over 18 at the time).

 

BTW, I LIKE being called ma'am ;)

[abbeyej]

It's really meant to be for any adult. You don't need to associate it with age. Little old men say "ma'am" to me -- they're just being polite. :) No one is saying, "gosh, you're old!"... So do your best not to take offense. :)

[southcarolinamom]

Yep, I live in SC and am Ma'am'd a lot. :D

 

It has to do with politeness and civility in the South, as well as respect of younger toward older, and respect of authority figures.

 

I say "yes ma'am" to cash register ladies, even if they are younger than I, as well as ladies who are obviously older than myself.

[Barb_]

I've lived all over. I've had older people call me ma'am. It's a general form of respect. Now when I had an older friend's teenage son (as in he was older than some of my siblings) calling me Mrs *** while I was only mid 20's, THAT was a bit disconcerting, but he was showing me respect. I made a deal with him and his mama that he could start using my first name once he hit 21 (he was over 18 at the time).

 

BTW, I LIKE being called ma'am ;)

 

...Or when the 20-something that my daughter BABYSITS for called me Mrs. *** I just about :svengo:

 

Barb

[Jugglin'5]

I taught my kids to say "yes, m'am" to the teenage babysitters. :001_smile:

[In2why]

I think it is a cultural thing. All of my children say "yes maam" and they never call an adult by their first name. It is either Mrs. Last name or if they know them well they can say Miss. Firstname. I wasn't taught this custom and found it strange when I first moved here, but most adults here would tell a child that used only their first name that they preferred they didn't. So when in Rome......

[mom31257]

When did you notice getting the "Ma'am"s?

Did you like it or not?

What state are you from? (want to compare regional differences)

At what age gap do you think a person should "Ma'am" someone ---- a 10+ year age seniority gap, a 15+ or what?

 

I live in middle GA, but grew up in East TN. I was not raised to say it nor was my dh (from Ohio). We have not raised our kids to say it.

 

I've noticed it since we moved here to GA (6 years ago). It doesn't bother me at all, but I'm 43 and it is usually someone much younger saying it. I know it is a habit that has been developed and for most that will be hard to let go of.

 

I guess the only problem I have with the whole thing is that sometimes I think adults in our area look down on kids not saying it, but are still having to remind their own 12 year olds TO say it. To me, if you are still having to remind them at that age, why bother? It seems like treating them too young or something, IMHO.

 

We didn't feel that we could be consistent since it wasn't a habit we had already. I also don't want to have to stand over my kids and constantly remind them to say it. If they were disrespectful to an adult, I would correct that.

[kitten18]

I remember the first time I was called Ma'am. I was about 13 years old and I was visiting my sister in Houston, and we were at the grocery store. I think I about fell over :001_huh:, I said to my sister "he called me Ma'am !!!"

 

I don't like being called Ma'am. I don't mind if it's just a very generic way to get my attention, like "Ma'am, I'm opening another register over here".

In general though, even at stores, I prefer to be called Miss. I was at the deli the other day and the young man helping me was calling me Miss and honestly, I really appreciated it. ;)

 

I grew up in Nebraska, lived in Kansas City (border of MO/KS) in my 20's, and now live in SoCal. Ma'am is not very common in any of these areas, not like it is in The South.

 

If someone who knows me (like my neighbor) was calling me Ma'am I would be a little irritated. I would prefer he call me Amy but if he didn't want to do that, Mrs. G. would be better.

[JeneralMom]

Hate it, always have and always will. It is not something I grew up with (in Montreal), and really only saw it on television/movies used with older people or in a mocking way (as in a teenager was told to do something they didn't want to do and snarled "yes, ma'am). I do realize it is a form of respect in many places, so I am not insulted by it, but I do not like it, nor will I have my children say it. I would much prefer to be called Ms. Mylastname if it is a choice between the two.

[Parrothead]

I was 10 when we moved to SC. I remember the teacher asked me a question and I answered with "yes." She said, "Yes, what?" I did not have a clue what to say to her because "yes, please" did not fit the situation. I got in a good bit of trouble simply for being raised mostly in the north east where ma'am isn't said as a rule to every. single. woman. over the age of 16.

 

Dh was born and raised in SW Georgia he wanted dd to say ma'am and sir. Unfortunately for him I did not see the point of ma'am-ing and sir-ing all the time so it has not been ingrained from birth. She has on occasion said "yes, ma'am" to me when she has been in trouble. I have no idea where she got it from. I don't think dd has ever said "yes (or no)", sir to her daddy.

[christielee7278]

My husband was in the military.....so even after 10 years of marriage, he still ma'ams me....and his mom....and my mom...and my sisters....and our dil...and any other female who speaks to him. He also says sir to pretty much the same extent. I've even heard him say "yes sir" to on of our boys when responding to a question. :001_smile: I don't mind it. I understand it is a matter of respect, not age (obviously our dil is younger than us and both of my sisters are younger than him).

 

Our boys also use ma'am and sir when responding to any adult (well they're suppose to anyway...sometimes they forget). When someone calls to them, I think it just sounds nicer to say "yes ma'am" instead of "what" or "yo" or "huh".

 

We live in AR and don't hear it as much as I wish we did.

[Joanne]

I live in Texas. We moved from AZ when the kids were 8, 6 and 4. I switched them to the culturally expected "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir". I believe in it now.

 

"Ma'am" does not make me feel old.

[mommaduck]

I was raised to say ma'am and sir. But when I lived in the midwest as a teenager, I was called over to the teacher's desk. I said, "yes, ma'am."

She looked at me like I had grown two heads..."what'd you say?"

"I said, 'yes, ma'am.'"

"You're not in trouble."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Why do you say that?"

"uhm, I was taught that it was a manner of respect to say yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, yes, sir, and no, sir." (seriously, private school drilled it into you and this was a small town, public school).

She just laughed, "No one here has ever said yes, ma'am to me before unless they thought they were in trouble." (she actually seemed impressed that I wasn't doing it just because I thought I was in trouble...like that is the ONLY time someone should be respectful)

[mommaduck]

I was 10 when we moved to SC. I remember the teacher asked me a question and I answered with "yes." She said, "Yes, what?" I did not have a clue what to say to her because "yes, please" did not fit the situation. I got in a good bit of trouble simply for being raised mostly in the north east where ma'am isn't said as a rule to every. single. woman. over the age of 16.

 

This was private school in the Pacific (granted it was a Baptist school based out of a southern college). No, yes or yeah's allowed. You didn't dare forget the ma'am or sir. They would stand there and stare you down till you figured out what you were missing in your response.

[Dobela]

My parents didn't make me say ma'am or sir even though we are in the south. I heard it all around me, and relatives expected it however. When I worked in high end furniture sales I did notice that it was used with every transaction - it seemed the more money someone had, the more the salesperson used Ma'am or sir LOL.

 

When I was in my early 20s I became a classroom teacher and my whole attitude changed. After hours each day of replies that were 'yeah', yep, uh-huh, and so on, I decided that I deserved more respect and that the students could meet higher standards and at least sound more civilized. I began expecting them to use ma'am and sir in my classes.

 

My son is 10 and I expect him to use those terms. My dd3 is learning to use them. They are regularly complemented wherever we go for their politeness and manners. If they forget, I don't make them correct it immediately, but they do know it is expected and considered the 'better' choice.

[x02100sks]

I don't say ma'am/sir myself anymore-

 

But as a former military officer, married to a military officer, living in the south- I am used to it- I was "ma'am" at age 18 once I was an upperclass cadet at West Point; many soldiers and non-commisioned officers who called me "ma'am" were my parents age.

[Swirl]

I've always wondered why Mrs. Last Name is used and Miss First Name is used? Why not Mrs. First Name? (Esp. for an old married lady like me. :)) I've also wondered what my mom's cousin Kitty thought of this? :D

 

I remember when the leadership of my childhood church changed (new pastor from southern state). All women would now be addressed as Mrs. Last Name or Miss First Name, and men as Bro. First or Last Name. First names were no longer allowed, as this was not respectful. It may just be a cultural thing, but I guess our culture was not acceptable to them.

[Pamela H in Texas]

My family growing up was pretty laid back (or so it seemed to me) and I've been pretty laid back with others. I don't get offended with Mrs or Ma'am. I don't think twice about it. And I use both pretty freely unless someone tells me not to.

 

What *I* have a problem with is the UGLINESS parents often use to "teach" their kids to use ma'am and sir. It is sickening and drives me batty. We rarely, if ever, told our kids to say it (and my parents didn't ever tell us either). We (my kids and I) picked it up just fine. Thankfully, though my husband comes from a family that does it the ugly way, he agreed with me.

 

Okay family craziness. In jest my hubby would correct the DOG. LOL "did you say yes sir? I didn't hear you say yes sir." Crazy.

 

ETA: My parents are from OH and FL. My hubby and I were raised in Texas. My kids have been in Texas most of their lives. Maybe because it's used so readily where we're from, we never think about it. That probably helped in my kids and I just picking it up also.

Edited August 27, 2010 by 2J5M9K

[Farrar]

I was raised to say it. I'm not raising my kids to say it. But I get very annoyed when people act like it's this big insult when people do use it. Or like it has anything to do with age (other than being older than say, 20). It's just a form of respect that's used primarily in one region of the world. If you met someone from Japan who addressed you by ending your name with -san would you get offended? Of course not. Would you call them ignorant or act like they're not intelligent for trying to be respectful? Again, of course not. So if someone from Georgia calls you ma'am, please don't take offense or act like it's personal in any way or like it has something to do with the way you look - because it doesn't.

[NanceXToo]

I'm in PA. Once in a while a store clerk or someone will use the term. Not all the time. I know that they mean it to be respectful but I'm not crazy about it, it does sound "old" to me lol.

[dangermom]

I was raised to say it. I'm not raising my kids to say it. But I get very annoyed when people act like it's this big insult when people do use it. Or like it has anything to do with age (other than being older than say, 20).

:iagree: It's the form of address for an adult woman, it doesn't mean "OLD LADY." I would not be surprised or offended to be called ma'am, I'd think it appropriate. I mean they're not going to call me Miss!

[Gooblink]

Hate it, always have and always will. It is not something I grew up with (in Montreal), and really only saw it on television/movies used with older people or in a mocking way (as in a teenager was told to do something they didn't want to do and snarled "yes, ma'am). I do realize it is a form of respect in many places, so I am not insulted by it, but I do not like it, nor will I have my children say it. I would much prefer to be called Ms. Mylastname if it is a choice between the two.

 

I grew up in MI (U.P.) and always felt the same way - until I had kids. "Yes Ma'am/No Ma'am" simply sounds more respectful to my ear now. Maybe it's the 20 years in TX...I don't know.

 

My mom still shares your opinion, regarding the potentially mocking tone, and would prefer to not be addressed as ma'am.

 

In our house, it's Ma'am and Sir.

[cbollin]

about a year ago when I moved to the "midsouth" (Memphis, TN), all of a sudden everywhere I went it was ma'am. I like it. I don't feel old from it. It's just so cute and makes people in line act nicer and use some manners. In turn it makes me look at their name tag and add Mr. or Miss to their first name. It's a regional nice thing 'round here.

 

then, at church, the staff minister in charge of the "senior adults" and "middle school kids" calls everyone over the age of 18 Mr. or Miss first name. He does it to show respect and to teach the teens to do likewise. However, the teens just call him First Name by his request? :confused: I never figured that out. But he's barely in his mid 20's, so maybe that's it. and it is always yes ma'am from him.

 

now it was really funny when I was calling a homeschool curriculum company a few weeks ago to ask a question on stuff I use. The person answered and had to transfer me to someone else. I closed with "thank you ma'am." She just froze on the phone and yes "ma'am? huh?"

:lol: She and I are the same age.

 

I guess I like ma'am/sir and just being polite to each other with respectful titles. I'm in my mid 40's, or as my daughter said, I'm 39.95 plus sales tax.

 

-crystal

[Dobela]

I don't mind getting ma'amd. It's the chiropractor that kept calling me "young lady" that got dropped. Yes, he was significantly older than me but in a professional situation I expect professional courtesy.

Oooooh, that is a biggie for me. Not so long ago I filed a complaint against a man that kept calling me Honey and Babe and and Sweetheart. It was especially irritating when he would start a sentence with, "Ah, now hunn -eeee." He wanted me to treat him as some god in charge of the organization we both were affiliated with yet he couldn't treat me with the same respect!

[Parrothead]

I was raised to say it. I'm not raising my kids to say it. But I get very annoyed when people act like it's this big insult when people do use it. Or like it has anything to do with age (other than being older than say, 20). It's just a form of respect that's used primarily in one region of the world. If you met someone from Japan who addressed you by ending your name with -san would you get offended? Of course not. Would you call them ignorant or act like they're not intelligent for trying to be respectful? Again, of course not. So if someone from Georgia calls you ma'am, please don't take offense or act like it's personal in any way or like it has something to do with the way you look - because it doesn't.

Unfortunately there are people who would be highly offended to be called lastnamesan. There are non-Japanese people who would be in Japan and be offended by all the foreigners living in Japan. - They would mainly be referring to the Japanese. Some people get offended if you "look at them funny." So of course there will be the person who does not approve of the southern custom and said person will be offended by it. Until people (in general, not necessarily here) get over themselves people will be offended by the simplest things.

[Jugglin'5]

I was raised to say it. I'm not raising my kids to say it. But I get very annoyed when people act like it's this big insult when people do use it. Or like it has anything to do with age (other than being older than say, 20). It's just a form of respect that's used primarily in one region of the world. If you met someone from Japan who addressed you by ending your name with -san would you get offended? Of course not. Would you call them ignorant or act like they're not intelligent for trying to be respectful? Again, of course not. So if someone from Georgia calls you ma'am, please don't take offense or act like it's personal in any way or like it has something to do with the way you look - because it doesn't.

 

:iagree: though I am raising my kids to say it, since it is culturally appropriate here.

[Laurie4b]

I was 10 when we moved to SC. I remember the teacher asked me a question and I answered with "yes." She said, "Yes, what?" I did not have a clue what to say to her because "yes, please" did not fit the situation. I got in a good bit of trouble simply for being raised mostly in the north east where ma'am isn't said as a rule to every. single. woman. over the age of 16.

 

Dh was born and raised in SW Georgia he wanted dd to say ma'am and sir. Unfortunately for him I did not see the point of ma'am-ing and sir-ing all the time so it has not been ingrained from birth. She has on occasion said "yes, ma'am" to me when she has been in trouble. I have no idea where she got it from. I don't think dd has ever said "yes (or no)", sir to her daddy.

 

I grew up in the north. One year in middle school, there was a new girl from the south. She said, "Yes ma'am" to a teacher and nearly got in trouble because the teacher thought she was being sarcastic! Sarcasm would have been the only time it was used where I grew up.

 

When I went to college in the South, it wasn't until after the fact that I realized some of my new friends' parents thought I was rude for not saying it. I adjusted but I've never taught my kids to say it--not on purpose, but because I still don't think about it. They are probably thought to be rude as well. (Getting out to-do list...)

[Swirl]

I was raised to say ma'am and sir. But when I lived in the midwest as a teenager, I was called over to the teacher's desk. I said, "yes, ma'am."

She looked at me like I had grown two heads..."what'd you say?"

"I said, 'yes, ma'am.'"

"You're not in trouble."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Why do you say that?"

"uhm, I was taught that it was a manner of respect to say yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, yes, sir, and no, sir." (seriously, private school drilled it into you and this was a small town, public school).

She just laughed, "No one here has ever said yes, ma'am to me before unless they thought they were in trouble." (she actually seemed impressed that I wasn't doing it just because I thought I was in trouble...like that is the ONLY time someone should be respectful)

 

We don't have TV anymore, do they still have those Cops shows? You would always see some half-dressed, obviously drunk man suddenly become very "respectful".

 

Yes Sir, Yes Sir, No Sir, NO SIR not MY pot! Sir, Sir, Sir you're not going to take me to jail? PLEASE SIR!! :lol:

[mommaduck]

We don't have TV anymore, do they still have those Cops shows? You would always see some half-dressed, obviously drunk man suddenly become very "respectful".

 

Yes Sir, Yes Sir, No Sir, NO SIR not MY pot! Sir, Sir, Sir you're not going to take me to jail? PLEASE SIR!! :lol:

Oh my goodness, those cop shows are hysterical sometimes. It shows you the reason that cops get a bit hardened, eyeball rolling, and some attitude.

[KidsHappen]

That's funny, my hubby was born and raised in Chicago and he still says "Yes ma'am" to his mother and "Yes, Sir" to his father. I was rasied in the south and never used those phrases. My son uses both phrases while my dds don't use either. I did find it disconcerting the first few times it was used on me but I got over that about the time I started addressing people as honey. :blush:

 

I use Miss if I am trying to get the attention of a woman I don't know. The choice of Miss over Mrs. in just about any context is because at least to these ears here in the south there is no pronounctiation difference between Miss and Ms. They sound the same and so the one focalization is used for both words and therefore all women.

[Laura Corin]

If you say that in the UK (with whatever age gap) people will assume you are taking the mickey.

 

Laura

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I'm in SC...and my husband is military so I hear Ma'am and Sir all the time. I really think it's a regional thing. I'll say it to cashiers at Walmart or waitresses. We teach my kids to say it to other adults, but we don't expect them to say it to us. I don't know....I just feel it sounds too formal or "official" for a parent/child relationship. However, I do not allow "yeah" or "huh" If I'm calling for a child, I expect "yes, mom?"

 

Funny related story....the duty was calling over here one night to talk to dh. My (7 yr old) daughter answered the phone, had a funny look on her face, then gave the phone to her dad. I asked, "Who was it?" and she said, "I don't know...but it's for daddy and the guy called me "Ma'am!"

[mommaduck]

If you say that in the UK (with whatever age gap) people will assume you are taking the mickey.

 

Laura

What's "the mickey"?

[angela in ohio]

I'm a married woman with children. I am also 36. I expect to be called Ma'am, and it doesn't make me feel old. I hate being called Miss, and I find that incredibly disrespectful. I have been a Ma'am since I got married. :001_smile:

 

I say Ma'am to anyone whom I estimate to be the age of my parents or above, or anyone who I would not call by their first name, witresses, clerks, etc.

[Rivka]

My husband and I went out to a fancy restaurant and the waiter called me "milady" the whole time. It irritated the cr@p out of me. This isn't a Renaissance Fair, it's a steakhouse!

 

I remarked to my husband that I knew why he did it: too many adult women complaining that "ma'am" makes them feel old. I would have vastly preferred "ma'am" to "milady."

[angela in ohio]

My husband and I went out to a fancy restaurant and the waiter called me "milady" the whole time. It irritated the cr@p out of me. This isn't a Renaissance Fair, it's a steakhouse!

 

I remarked to my husband that I knew why he did it: too many adult women complaining that "ma'am" makes them feel old. I would have vastly preferred "ma'am" to "milady."

 

Is that a new trend? I was in a store the other day and the clerk called me Milady three times. Dh and I left because we were laughing too hard to stay. :D

[mommaduck]

My husband and I went out to a fancy restaurant and the waiter called me "milady" the whole time. It irritated the cr@p out of me. This isn't a Renaissance Fair, it's a steakhouse!

 

I remarked to my husband that I knew why he did it: too many adult women complaining that "ma'am" makes them feel old. I would have vastly preferred "ma'am" to "milady."

ugh, Milady just sounds sarcastic.

[PygmyShrew]

I'm a married woman with children. I am also 36. I expect to be called Ma'am, and it doesn't make me feel old. I hate being called Miss, and I find that incredibly disrespectful. I have been a Ma'am since I got married. :001_smile:

 

I say Ma'am to anyone whom I estimate to be the age of my parents or above, or anyone who I would not call by their first name, witresses, clerks, etc.

 

This is the way I do as well. I don't take offense --- I guess I just wonder how bad I need my makeover :lol:. I think b/c I use to for people whom I guesstimate are at least 20 years my senior I wonder if my neighbor thinks I LOOK 20 years HIS senior. You all have given me hope that maybe I don't look so bad.

[Pretty in Pink]

Milady? Really? LOLOLOL :lol:

 

I'm honestly not sure which is worse: being called Ma'am, or having the 18yo kid that sits behind me in Chem class try awkwardly to flirt with me because he doesn't realize how old I am.

 

Or how's this one: on the first day of A&P, our teacher instructed us to introduce ourselves to the person next to us and to converse for five minutes. Then, we were to introduce that person to the class and share something interesting about them. When my 20 year old partner introduced me, she stood up and said, "This is Elizabeth. She is 30 and she has 4 kids. Can you believe it?!" Uh...awkward. And every. single. day. since then at least one classmate has asked me if I am *really* 30. Yesterday someone asked me if my children were really all mine! I replied that, given the excruciating amount of pain I endured during the birthing process, I was pretty confident that they were in fact all mine.

 

I do not think that the braces or the bangs are helping my case any. *Sigh*

[Parrothead]

 

What's "the mickey"?

I didn't know either. taking the mickey

 

[MamaT]

Having lived in the southern US my entire life, I am very accustomed to ma'm. My children were taught to use ma'am and sir. With southerners it is a way of showing respect. My children use ma'am or sir to any and all adults (and so do I, especially those who are elderly).

[mommaduck]

I didn't know either. taking the mickey

Thank you. For a moment I thought she was referring to using drugs, "he slipped her a mickey."

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

It really never bothered me too much. I just saw it as a sign of good southern breeding, but since returning to college and having my classmates refer to me as "ma'am," well . . . it just takes the shine right off. :lol: *SIGH*

[TXMomof4]

My husband was in the military.....so even after 10 years of marriage, he still ma'ams me....and his mom....and my mom...and my sisters....and our dil...and any other female who speaks to him. He also says sir to pretty much the same extent. I've even heard him say "yes sir" to on of our boys when responding to a question. :001_smile: I don't mind it. I understand it is a matter of respect, not age (obviously our dil is younger than us and both of my sisters are younger than him).

 

Our boys also use ma'am and sir when responding to any adult (well they're suppose to anyway...sometimes they forget). When someone calls to them, I think it just sounds nicer to say "yes ma'am" instead of "what" or "yo" or "huh".

 

We live in AR and don't hear it as much as I wish we did.

 

This is something in the military that was a big adjustment for me.

 

When I go see Dh at his office several of the ladies there call me ma'am. I'm probably 20 years younger than them and I would NEVER expect them to address me as ma'am but they always do. I cannot stand it. I've asked them repeatedly not to, but it's habit I guess.

 

I use it more jokingly with people my own age. I always use it with older women. I always expect my children to use it, period.

[dm379]

DH and I were both raised in south Louisiana and we weren't taught it. I can't remember hearing it more often there than other places we've lived. I guess I'm just not very observant. I never actively taught the kids to say sir and ma'am but they've picked it up since DH is military. The only time I take offense at being called "ma'am" is when they do it because of dh.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I started getting Ma'am when I was 19 and would have been quite upset not to get them, but that was back in my military days. (I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, where I don't remember using it and have lived on the East coast, in the south, in Hawaii and overseas as an adult.)

 

I consider it a sign of respect and/or as a verbal signal that I'm in a position of petitioning the person I'm talking to. So for example, I might even ma'am someone younger than me if we were in a store and I was asking for help or if I'm at the hospital or in an office and I'm trying to get something done.

 

I don't think that you neighbor is thinking you are old. I think that he's thinking that you are clearly a woman of value and dignity, who is worthy of treating respectfully.

 

FWIW, I think that Americans address each other very differently than is common some other people. In Germany, you would use a last name and title far into a relationship. In America, we tend to go for the anonymity of just a first name to create distance. So in Germany you might work with a Herr Robling or a Frau Doktor Weiss and use a formal form of "you" when speaking to someone that you've worked alongside for years, but in a colleagial way, not a friendship way. While in America one will commonly see first names on name tags for waitresses or cashiers but rarely a last name (so that customers don't really know who they are).

 

In Germany their is even a verb that is used for when someone calls someone else by the informal pronoun (inappropriately or without permission) or for when two people have decided that they should be on informal terms. And of course their are inexplicable exceptions. People who are in a Verein together (a club, like a bowling or shooting club or a Navy League group or a scout group or a children's church) use the informal because their club status means that they are on closer terms.

 

Now I'm a tad bit older than you and have the military background. It honestly makes me cringe to have a young man presume to call me by my first name. By young I mean someone like one of the scouts in our cub scout or boy scout units. In my first year in the military, it was an important thing that someone senior to you had introduced themselves by their first name and shook hands with you. It was a major sign that they considered you worthy to be a colleague rather than a trainee. It was a sign of friendship, helpfulness and a rating that you weren't someone they were still testing out. I get annoyed when the junior person (and I'm talking by 2-3 decades here, not a handful of years) presumes to call me by my first name and informalize the relationship before I'm ready. (Yes, in my dealings with teen age boys it is a bit of a control issue.)

[Giraffe]

I say "Ma'am?" or "Sir?" whenever I haven't heard correctly, even if it's a small person. It's instinct.

[juelle]

What am I to think when I'm heavily pregnant with my 7th child, the others are with me and the man at the supermarket deli calls me 'Miss'?

 

My parents are from CA and they thought it sounded fresh to say 'Ma'am' or 'Sir'. Dh is from AL and while people there, including his family, use it all the time, he only insists on it from our kids when they're in trouble.:glare:

[myfatherslily]

Yes ma'am, all y'all suth'ners are ingrained to never say the words "yes" and "no" without it being following by "sir" or "ma'am"!;) Do they even exist as words all by themselves?? This poses a real problem for the poor teenagers working drive-thru, as you can't always tell by the voice whether a person should be addressed as "ma'am" or "sir" and they fear making a mistake (and inevitably do at some point).

 

Can you tell I grew up in CT??:) I moved to Alabama 10 years ago. I am 29 and do get called "ma'am" by some and "sweetie" by some (that one is slightly annoying to me sometimes but whatever). I ask my kids to say "yes ma'am" when I've given them a specific instruction or told them not to do something - basically to mean, "Yes, Mommy, I understand what you're saying and I respect it." Otherwise I have them say please and thank you if applicable, if not then any form of "yes, yup, uh-huh, 'kay, yeah" will do!