wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Just wondering-- maybe ideas to help others! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katiejane Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Lots of texts during the day. Holidays away together without the kids. Date nights. Ours are few and far between. Choosing to love your spouse everyday and fixing any relationship problems quickly. Putting their needs first. If you both do this it works rather than one person making all the effort. That's all I got so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Lots of talking. Lots of hugging and more communication. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I share my heart, even its ugliness, with dh. He's strong enough to take it and love me anyway. I force myself to look at things from his point of view, even when I don't want to, even if I have to wait a while, or have a temper tantrum before I can do it. One little practical thing: we try to take a walk every night that he's home. We both really enjoy that.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Every month since we've been married we go out to eat somewhere on the day of our anniversary. We've only missed twice in 20+ years. Once we were both upchucking sick and the other time we were with his parents at their place. Both times we went out as soon as we could after the day. We did this even when we were poor and could only afford a taco apiece. We did this even when we had more $$ and could go out far more often. We did this even when our kids were young and needy (sometimes they had to go with us). We still look forward to it and it has far more meaning than any other meal we go out for. Then, each year ON our anniversary we go on a trip. It can be as small as a day trip to a free destination or as long as 3 - 4 days. It's something we look forward to each year - and each year we do something different. Nothing in our schedule gets in the way of this trip. These are our two main "different" things we do. Then there's several walks, time to talk, eating together (at home), and generally just enjoying the time we have together. If we get too busy with our other schedules we'll even take the time to just go grocery shopping together or fix supper or something. I love my guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I respect and honor him, he cherishes and protects me. Laugh. About everything. Talk about everything. *Ahem* a lot. Spend time together instead of on our own interests. Get over ourselves. :D (If dh irritates me, I remember how irritating I am, for example.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gpsings Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 all of these above, and divorce is never an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollie010 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 extend/receive grace and mercy even when it is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 For years we had a spa together morning and evening most days. We stopped recently because the spa was using a lot of electricity and the bill was sky high. Now we tend to have walks together instead. We have separate bedrooms- so for us, jumping into the other's bed regularly for snuggle time is important. When we have conflict, we send each other emails till it is resolved. We make an effort to appreciate each other. That might seem obvious, but for him and I- we are very, very different people and we have to remind ourselves what it is that we love and appreciate about each other, or we can get stuck in focusing on our differences- you know, stuck in a negative space. We are very independent people. Probably different from a traditional marriage where people really lean strongly on each other. We purposefully try and stand on our own feet - we have separate rooms as I said, we have separate friends and separate social lives, as well as shared friends and social lives. We try and spend half a day or so together during the week doing something fun. DH works from home and has lots of free time. Dh and i have had many adventures together and whether its a holiday overseas (we went to Bali in February for 3 nights-just the 2 of us) or a walk down the local coffee strip or to the markets- we love adventures. On Sunday mornings, we go to swap meet together- we go to two in fact, plus a few garage sales. We have done it our whole relationship- coming up to 18 years. It is just fun, and we really enjoy the adventure of seeing what turns up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma2Many66 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Tea, lots and lots of Tea ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Well... A lot has changed in the last two years. A LOT. Becoming disabled was a huge thing. Bigger still was my renewed commitment to Christ. It was my commitment to Christ that has saved our marriage more than anything else, I think. Trying to be the wife God wants me to be has had a profound effect. A year ago last summer, my marriage was on the brink of separating/divorce. Realizing that I hadn't been the wife that my dh deserves, the wife God wants me to be was very humbling...and the more I'm the wife I'm called to be, the more my marriage became stronger and healthier, because as I put the effort in, my dh responded. An example is golf. My dh loves golf. I don't. I used to resent terribly him being gone for an entire day. Tonight he's going golfing after work, at my insistence. Why? Well, he's spent the last two days after work sending me to bed due to extreme pain levels, and managing everything without me. Not a word or hint of complaint. Just stepped up and did what needed to be done. His mother comes tomorrow, and staying til Sunday eve. The man needs a break. That's why I insisted on him golfing this evening. I've learned to look at his love language, Acts of Service, rather than only accepting what I wanted, what *I* thought was loving. Its been an eye opening experience. I was standing in a river up to my waist, and dying of thirst all that time. So, that's what has worked most for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 My dh and I talk about everything. We are each other's best friends and we nurture that. We make decisions based on what is best for each other and our famiy, not just ourselves. I have also learned to let a lot of little things go. He does some things that bother me sometimes but I take a deep breath and let them go because in the scheme of things they are meaningless. We also don't fight. If we are upset over something, we will walk away until we can calm down enough to talk about it. We also go out to dinner occasionally without our children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Only bring home pets/foster animals that hubby has pre approved. :001_smile: Being in the veterinary field and working with our dog breed rescue, he sometimes has to pre approve often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Lots of talking. Lots of hugging and more communication. ;) Being able to laugh with my honey and at myself is so important! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Tea, lots and lots of Tea ;) Thanks for saying that. :) After reading the other responses, I was beginning to wonder if my hubby and I should be taking walks in the evening instead of having Tea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Just wondering-- maybe ideas to help others! Laughter and a strong sense of the importance of a mamma and daddy for a child. Plus being skinflints. Staying married is cheaper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Spontaneity. Playfulness. Flirting. Who said marriage couldn't be as fun as dating? Letting go of expectations. Realizing that neither one of us is good at reading minds. Horrible, really. :tongue_smilie: Focusing on HIS love language, and communicating to him what mine is. Putting him at the top of my To Do list... figuratively, of course. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mycalling Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I admire him aloud. Sounds simple, but it's his most important need. It's easy to be thankful or admiring in your head, but they like hearing it. For years we had a spa together morning and evening most days. We stopped recently because the spa was using a lot of electricity and the bill was sky high. Now we tend to have walks together instead.:) I like this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I share my heart, even its ugliness, with dh. He's strong enough to take it and love me anyway. I force myself to look at things from his point of view, even when I don't want to, even if I have to wait a while, or have a temper tantrum before I can do it. One little practical thing: we try to take a walk every night that he's home. We both really enjoy that.:) Yeah, I like that. :001_smile: Good advice and wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We don't tear each other down EVER and especially not in public or to friends & family. We are best friends first. We share everything (especially finances). We talk all the time. We listen MORE. We make family time top priority. We do things that build our faith. We don't live separate lives. (No separate vacations, no separate huge time-sucking hobbies, etc.) We make each other laugh. We respect each others differences. We take pride in each others strengths and we do our best to support each other in our weaknesses. We cut the apron strings to the extended family. We rely on each other instead of our parents. We give 100%. Not half and half. Not 50/50. Not meeting in the middle and negotiating. Each of us gives 100%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmeraldGirl Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Well... A lot has changed in the last two years. A LOT. Becoming disabled was a huge thing. Bigger still was my renewed commitment to Christ. It was my commitment to Christ that has saved our marriage more than anything else, I think. Trying to be the wife God wants me to be has had a profound effect. A year ago last summer, my marriage was on the brink of separating/divorce. Realizing that I hadn't been the wife that my dh deserves, the wife God wants me to be was very humbling...and the more I'm the wife I'm called to be, the more my marriage became stronger and healthier, because as I put the effort in, my dh responded. An example is golf. My dh loves golf. I don't. I used to resent terribly him being gone for an entire day. Tonight he's going golfing after work, at my insistence. Why? Well, he's spent the last two days after work sending me to bed due to extreme pain levels, and managing everything without me. Not a word or hint of complaint. Just stepped up and did what needed to be done. His mother comes tomorrow, and staying til Sunday eve. The man needs a break. That's why I insisted on him golfing this evening. I've learned to look at his love language, Acts of Service, rather than only accepting what I wanted, what *I* thought was loving. Its been an eye opening experience. I was standing in a river up to my waist, and dying of thirst all that time. So, that's what has worked most for us. Oh, that is just a beautiful story. I hope it just gets better and better for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane Elliot Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Tea, lots and lots of Tea ;) That's exactly what I was going to say, but I was almost too embarrassed to say it considering my signature line. Seriously though, Tea is very helpful. We also just make each other our priority, and we try to be kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We don't tear each other down EVER and especially not in public or to friends & family. We are best friends first. We share everything (especially finances). We talk all the time. We listen MORE. We make family time top priority. We do things that build our faith. We don't live separate lives. (No separate vacations, no separate huge time-sucking hobbies, etc.) We make each other laugh. We respect each others differences. We take pride in each others strengths and we do our best to support each other in our weaknesses. We cut the apron strings to the extended family. We rely on each other instead of our parents. We give 100%. Not half and half. Not 50/50. Not meeting in the middle and negotiating. Each of us gives 100%. This was a great list! We don't share everything as dh has couseling confidentiality to honor (and I don't want to know the details of peoples lives :) ) Lots of Grace!!!! On a practical note...even when we couldn't go out for dinner...dh would bring home take out and we date at home after the kids were in bed :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We give each other the benefit of the doubt - we don't jump to the worst conclusion about each other when a mistake is made. We let each other have interests and hobbies that are completely ours, but they don't eat up all of our time. We respect each others requests to take a break from crochet (me), Modern Warfare on the PS3 (him :ack2:) and join each other when we know we've been apart too long. I don't expect him to be my girlfriend, and he doesn't expect me to be his buddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Embassy Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Make sure my husband feels loved Encourage him Never ever say a negative word about him to anyone Send little love notes in his lunch every day Spend lots of time together Be playful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Holding me and praying aloud for me (and the children) before he walks out the door every day. I have been truly blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We have been married a million years and have a passle of kids. We really like each other, but this common kids/awesome past keeps us rocking, even when I am sick of him LOL We have always said we want to be with each other at our kids' graduations, weddings, and more. We like each other a bunch (He's funny, he thinks I'm funny. He thinks I am cute...lol. I think he is cute. All of these things work together). We got no tips, really, except to remember why you fell in love in the first place, and to enjoy each other in the present. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We spend time together, we have regular dates, we pray for each other and we pray together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Off the top of my head, we have common interests. For example, we love our flower gardens. We designed them, installed them, and tend them. We enjoy sitting in our lawn chairs sipping wine while looking at what's blooming. We're always amazed at how dismal it looks in the winter and how quickly it all comes to life again. We chat about things during these times. Another thing I think is important for us is to have our alone time. Neither of us is a very needy person. We both have individual interests and time to explore them. We also try to get away once a year -- usually in the fall. We rent a nice cabin and hike, hang out, etc. For the first few years, we stayed at a different bed and breakfast each anniversary. We just love seeing and experiencing new places together. So, I think balance works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Lots of talking. Lots of hugging and more communication. ;) Ditto this ;);););) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 (edited) 1. For the Christians reading: Grow closer to Christ. As you become more Christlike, you are able to love more purely and will naturally become a better spouse. The MOST important thing you can do to keep close to your spouse is to keep even closer to the Lord. 2. Consider your relationship an entity all it's own and of higher importance then either individual. Our relationship is something we cherish, nurture and protect at all costs. It is like a priceless, precious, fragile, glass, figure. NOTHING trumps what is best for the relationship. ALL actions are considered first in the light of how it will effect the relationship, THEN, how it will effect the family, THEN how it will effect the individual. 3. Understand that you are ON THE SAME TEAM! Believe it or not, MOST married couples I know don't understand this. For some odd reason, there is competition between them about the silliest things and sometimes about big things! I've seen it over and over again thru the years and it is just ugly. You don't compete against your team member! You work together to accomplish the same goal. You are not opponents, competitors or enemies. You are TEAM MATES! Treat each other that way. 4. Consider your spouse's needs and desires to be MORE important then your own. It's not all about you! Like some one else said, if both spouses are doing this it works like magic and love just grows and grows. 5. NEVER, EVER, EVER correct or criticize your spouse in front of anyone. Just don't. If you have something negative that must be said, call them to another room and say it in private. 6. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS accolade and compliment your spouse in front of friends and family. Purpose to do it. This one thing also works like magic to draw a couple together. 7. Selfishness has no place in a marriage. 8. Wear your rose colored glasses most of the time! I don't mean to say that you should not be aware of your spouses faults or that you should not desire him/ her to grow, change, or improve. However, it is best to FOCUS on the good qualities that you love and not DWELL on the faults that you wish were different. Put on your glasses and remind yourself over and over how green the grass is on your side of the fence even though there may be a few thorns growing here and there. I am not advocating self denial. Not at all. But keeping focused on the good truths as opposed to the negative truths is just a way to see the glass as half full and not half empty and be a positive thinker. 9. DO NOT forsake time alone with each other. It is impossible to maintain a close, intimate marriage without daily time alone to chat, cuddle and share. 10. And of course, lots of laughter, lots of flirting and lots of tea! Edited June 13, 2010 by katemary63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We both learned in our first marriages that ignoring any kind of problem, even if really small, can lead to much bigger issues. We learned to communicate in a calm discussion and not yell in the heat of the moment. We learned to use "I" statements rather than "you" statements which are accusing and makes the person go on the defensive. We learned that it really is okay to tell one another we need a time out before a discussion can continue. Other than that, we just still love each other. We have many of the same interests; the lack of interests was another thing we realized hurt our first marriages. We just enjoy being together. He's a rather cool guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We both learned in our first marriages that ignoring any kind of problem, even if really small, can lead to much bigger issues. We learned to communicate in a calm discussion and not yell in the heat of the moment. We learned to use "I" statements rather than "you" statements which are accusing and makes the person go on the defensive. We learned that it really is okay to tell one another we need a time out before a discussion can continue. Other than that, we just still love each other. We have many of the same interests; the lack of interests was another thing we realized hurt our first marriages. We just enjoy being together. He's a rather cool guy. I agree on the first paragraph. However, I *also* think that feeling everything needs to be addressed is an equally damaging problem. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 He makes me laugh, and we share several interests. We've been together a looooooooong time. :) We go out together, too. We don't often spend a lot of money, but we do like to talk alone without having to consider what the kids are hearing. Dh and I do like to go out alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 However, I *also* think that feeling everything needs to be addressed is an equally damaging problem. ;) I agree. I think we have such an incredible marriage because we just let it go a lot of the time. I think it depends, though, on whether you can truly let it go or whether you will build up resentment. You have to know yourself first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 8. Wear your rose colored glasses most of the time! I don't mean to say that you should not be aware of your spouses faults or that you should not desire him/ her to grow, change, or improve. However, it is best to FOCUS on the good qualities that you love and not DWELL on the faults that you wish were different. Put on your glasses and remind yourself over and over how green the grass is on your side of the fence even though there may be a few thorns growing here and there. I am not advocating self denial. Not at all. But keeping focused on the good truths as opposed to the negative truths is just a way to see the glass as half full and not half empty and be a positive thinker. I read about this in Blink. He wrote about a marriage researcher who could tell in a few seconds of a couple discussing an issue they had whether their marriage would make it or not. It was based on their outlook toward each other. If he saw contempt, he knew it was doomed. If they saw the best in each other, they would make it. He was incredibly accurate. We try to have an attitude of, "That's okay, I know you meant well," when we do have problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 We are friends, not just lovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Tea, lots and lots of Tea ;) Amen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 We've been married for 8 years, together for 9. Dh is very patient and forgiving. I've been trying harder to be less critical and to be kinder to him. We talk a lot, about lots of things. We enjoy driving places because it gives us time to talk with the kids strapped in their car seats. We spend time together after the kids are in bed. Sex. At least once a week, usually more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I seek to show respect in every interaction with DH. I speak well of him to others and try to never criticize him. I try to understand his frustrations and not minimize him. I don't mother him. I try to do what I know he wants me to do in his absence as well as in his presence. I make the things that are important to him a priority. I make myself available to him in the evenings and on weekends and try to get my own stuff done while he's at work. I start the, um, tea water sometimes instead of waiting for him to start it. :blush: He does anything he can to make me happy. He responds to any need I verbalize. He makes sure I get time away from the kids, including Wed nights when he takes them to church and I stay home. He provides for me and is generous when I have stuff I want to get that isn't strictly a need (I do the same for him). He always says "our job, our money, etc.". He *never* makes me feel like my contribution is less than his. He seeks to follow God in everything he does. He balances me when I get to serious or stressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Frequent sex even when we have to "work" at getting in the mood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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