I am so angry. Anyone know who to write concerning a juvenile judge?

[Lolly]

Alright, dd was in a very minor wreck 9 mths ago. She changed lanes and hit a car (in blind spot). The other car needed a little touch up paint for a scratch. Dd's car needed a light replaced. Very minor. No injuries. She took full responsibility. She was issued a ticket for an improper lane change. She also had points put on her license due to contributing to an accident. So, ticket is paid. Insurance doesn't even raise our rate because it was such a minor incident. We have her take a driving class, mainly to up her confidence because it was really hurt due to the accident. (Which, imho, was just that!)

 

Fast forward. 9 months later, we receive a notice that her license is up for suspension, and she must appear before a judge to discuss the issue. Okay. Seems ridiculous. I figure we will go in and actually be patted on the back for taking responsibility and having her take a class on our own accord. At the least, be given a "you need to be more careful".

 

Today was the hearing. I have never wanted to do someone bodily harm SO badly. The judge was a little &^%$#! She started by terrifying dd with a power play. Then, she started quizzing what was very obviously a terrified kid. Okay, so dd really should have realized she was now in 12th grade and not 10th. But, she explained that she was really nervous and that being homeschooled grade levels were not really an issue in her life. The lady, I use that term loosely, continue to berate our parental decisions in her life. Dd doesn't have a job outside the house. We pay for her car insurance. She needs to be doing more volunteer work. (She is doing a little. She does a whole lotta volunteer work for ME!) Dh and I were not allowed to speak. If we did, we were cut off and fussed at for talking. Dd thought the driving class she took was 6 hours long. 8 hours is required to meet the state's guidelines. (It was 8 as dh told her when she finally allowed him to speak before leaving.) She said if it was 8 she would have been able to accept it. Oops. Sorry. It isn't one that she can approve. Have to take the one that will give the state a kick-back. Then, she says she has to make dd take this class (which I really could care less about) because of the county we live in. Seems our tiny, tiny county has the worst driving record in the entire state. According to her, 2 out of 3 drivers in our county are driving without a legal license because of the high illegal immigrant status. (You should have heard the tone she used.) Then, 15 high school kids a semester from our county alone are killed in traffic fatalities. That is a total of 45 teenagers dying every year from our county in traffic accidents. (Insinuation that they were the cause.) Okay. That is just impossible. She is absolutely lying to scare. Dd has been in tears for a solid hour at this point.

 

I was so mad I was shaking. I got home and am trying to find data to prove in writing that this woman is a lying &%$#@ on a power trip. I ahve a call into the state fatalities division of the Highway Patrol. All I have found is that in the entire state there are 510 traffic fatalities a year. That means that 9% of those deaths are to teens from our county. It is a really SMALL county. :glare: Do I believe this?

 

This is NOT what dd needed. Her PARENTS are the ones who should have made the decision as to what punishment (judge's word) she should receive for an accident. Being her parents and knowing her, we decided she needed NO punishment. She needed to have her confidence returned. Okay, so that has now been stripped. How dare this &^%# undermine our efforts as a parent? No teen should have to go through this because of ONE minor accident. It is insane!

 

So, who do I write to complain about our treatment and her lying methods? Probably a different person than I should write to complain about the state parenting teens. It isn't a good idea. The state does not know these kids.

[Desert Rat]

I' m sorry that happened to your daughter! How scared she must have been. I hate when people in power intimidate others. So, I googled "how to file a complaint against a judge" and there are plenty of hits. I would have linked a site but it's broken down by state and I don't know where you live. Try the google search with your state added and see if that will give you the answers you need.

[Twinmom]

Lolly, I'm so sorry! Before you decide anything, is the judge done with your case? If she is not, I'd hesitate to complain until after the case is completely closed. Having worked with a lot of juvenile judges like that one, I'd personally be very afraid of retaliation against your daughter if the case isn't finished.

 

If it is finished...go get 'em! Many times juvenile judges are elected. Should she come up for reelection, make your complaints public. Write to the local paper. Is there a judge overseeing the other juvenile judges? Write to him/her. I like the idea of Googling "complaints about a judge" as there may be some good state specific ideas there.

 

:grouphug: to your DD. She didn't deserve this. Definitely a judge on a power trip. A good judge knows which kids need it laid on thick and which don't. :glare:

[Daisy]

I'm confused how one accident, a couple of points, and not even a hike in car insurance equals a license suspension? Was there an actual law cited? And NINE months later?

 

Is it because of her age?

 

Seems crazy to me.

[QueenCat]

Before you decide anything, is the judge done with your case? If she is not, I'd hesitate to complain until after the case is completely closed. Having worked with a lot of juvenile judges like that one, I'd personally be very afraid of retaliation against your daughter if the case isn't finished.

 

 

 

:iagree: Don't do anything about the judge until your daughter has met all of the requirements set by the judge, and the case is closed!!!!! No matter how wrong the judge is, you could make things worse for your daughter by taking action prior to the case being 100% closed in WRITING. That said, it is horrible the way the judge acted. My elder ds was in an accident when he was 17. He totaled his car, and the other car had a moderate amount of damage. No one was hurt. He had to meet with a juvenile courts officer, not a judge. She was firm but not scary.

[Lolly]

I'm confused how one accident, a couple of points, and not even a hike in car insurance equals a license suspension? Was there an actual law cited? And NINE months later?

 

Is it because of her age?

 

Seems crazy to me.

 

This was my thought exactly. It couldn't possibly be correct. But, it is. Anyone under the age of 18 must report to a hearing if they receive 6 or more points on their license in a year's period. One accident that really shouldn't have even ben reported as property damage according to the legal $ amount racks up 6 points at the one time. Over and done. It took 9 mths for them to send us a notice. Her license was not suspended, though dh says she would have if this mama bear hadn't just bit her tongue!, she has to take yet another defensive driving class. I have a strong suspicion that there is a kick-back from the class that goes to the government.

Edited May 24, 2010 by Lolly

[Lolly]

:iagree: Don't do anything about the judge until your daughter has met all of the requirements set by the judge, and the case is closed!!!!! No matter how wrong the judge is, you could make things worse for your daughter by taking action prior to the case being 100% closed in WRITING. That said, it is horrible the way the judge acted. My elder ds was in an accident when he was 17. He totaled his car, and the other car had a moderate amount of damage. No one was hurt. He had to meet with a juvenile courts officer, not a judge. She was firm but not scary.

 

She may have ben a courts officer. She went on about how she didn't want to wear her robes because it was so hot, and how she tried to keep it informal by not having a bailiff stand hulking over dd to keep her in order. But, that she could. This went way past firm. It was insulting.

[Lolly]

Lolly, I'm so sorry! Before you decide anything, is the judge done with your case? If she is not, I'd hesitate to complain until after the case is completely closed. Having worked with a lot of juvenile judges like that one, I'd personally be very afraid of retaliation against your daughter if the case isn't finished.

 

If it is finished...go get 'em! Many times juvenile judges are elected. Should she come up for reelection, make your complaints public. Write to the local paper. Is there a judge overseeing the other juvenile judges? Write to him/her. I like the idea of Googling "complaints about a judge" as there may be some good state specific ideas there.

 

:grouphug: to your DD. She didn't deserve this. Definitely a judge on a power trip. A good judge knows which kids need it laid on thick and which don't. :glare:

 

Not completely done. Plus, I have 3 more juvenile drivers I have to get to the age of 18 eventually... We actually want to appeal the decision because she HAS taken a defensive driving course, but figure that in retaliation they would just straight pull her license for a year.

 

I just want to let her have it. Please, please, can I?

[Daisy]

This was my thought exactly. It couldn't possibly be correct. But, it is. Anyone under the age of 18 must report to a hearing if they receive 6 or more points on their license in a year's period. One accident that really shouldn't have even ben reported as property damage according to the legal $ amount racks up 6 points at the one time. Over and done. It took 9 mths for them to send us a notice.

 

Wow! Six points! In CA, an at-fault accident gets you one point and you have to have more than 6 pts in 24mths in order to face license suspension.

 

In AZ, you have to have a hit-and-run or worse in order to get 6pts at one time.

 

Maybe they screwed up and gave her too many points?

[Laurie4b]

Consult an attorney to make sure everything is on the up and up. 6 points sounds ridiculous for that kind of accident.

 

I know this is over and done with at this point for you, but for everyone else reading: this kind of crap is why you always need an attorney in court--no matter how minor it seems. Do not represent yourself.

 

Many judges are elected. See if they are in your area. If they are not elected, there is probably nothing you can do except file an ethnics complaint with the proper authorities and write to the official who appointed her--as PP's have noted, don't do this until the case is done. You can also try to talk local news into covering it.

[Audrey]

This may not be a very popular response, but I don't mean any ill. I am sorry you came across such a toad of a judge. However, the fact is that the judge, even if you do complain, isn't going to change her ways, and she will continue to wield the power she has no matter what you have to say.

 

I think you and your dd should suck it up and call this a very hard life lesson. Sometimes, people in authority positions are mean just because they can be. They can be even meaner if you try to thwart their authority. Some of them live for the opportunity to steam-roll over anyone who dares to complain or challenge them. In a way, it's good to learn this early in life, so you can avoid playing into their little power games.

[Julie in CA]

Wow! Six points! In CA, an at-fault accident gets you one point and you have to have more than 6 pts in 24mths in order to face license suspension.

I don't think this standard applies if you're a new teenage driver with a provisional license. My ds's license was suspended for 30 days with one speeding ticket.

[kalanamak]

Sometimes, people in authority positions are mean just because they can be. /QUOTE]

 

And sometimes they do it on purpose because they actually believe it will make a safer driver. After my sister's third kid failed a driving test twice in a given district, she asked and the tester said "we fail all kids twice, so they'll take driving seriously."

[elegantlion]

, she has to take yet another defensive driving class. I have a strong suspicion that there is a kick-back from the class that goes to the government.

 

I'll bet. I was quite surprised at many of the programs in our state that crop up when one "gets in trouble". Ironically they all cost money, many are just overkill, are touted for the betterment of the community, and wind up just being another form of taxation.

 

Methinks you found someone relishes her power too much. :grouphug: to you and your dd. Perhaps you can turn this whole thing into a nice civics lesson, after a long drive, a treat, and writing a long letter that you stash in a drawer for a few days. :grouphug:

[nmoira]

I'm so sorry that DD and your family had to go through this. I have no advice... only :grouphug:

[Tap]

Yeah, be careful with this one. My husband's uncle just had something Very similar happen. He did speak up in court when he didn't like the way a judge was speaking to his dd. He got sent to PRISON for contempt of court, not Jail, PRISON! Then he came out and stirred the pot, filing formal charges against the judge. He almost couldn't find an attorney to represent him or his daughter after that. He was finally able to hire himself an attorney. Then due to all of the legal fees for two cases, he ended going bankrupt. AND had to leave the state. All over a little traffic issue.

[Twinmom]

I just want to let her have it. Please, please, can I?

 

Don't do it...unless you want your DD to suffer for it! Or, if you particularly like sharing a cell with a very large and very angry woman named Big Bertha! ;)

 

So sorry. Tough life lessons. Use it to your advantage and explain to DD that while completely unfair and inappropriate, it is good to have one's first experience with $%^@* people in power when you've actually not really done anything to feel guilty about. If you are at the mercy of those kind of people because you deserve it, it is SO bad...just ask my DSS! :glare: Three weeks in juvie for being in the wrong place with the wrong people at the wrong time...

[elizabeth]

 

Anyone under the age of 18 must report to a hearing if they receive 6 or more points on their license in a year's period. One accident that really shouldn't have even ben reported as property damage according to the legal $ amount racks up 6 points at the one time. Over and done. It took 9 mths for them to send us a notice

 

Ignorance of the law is not a legal excuse. You are not due a notice of the law nor an interpretation of it, that is not the courts responsiblity. I am, however ,surprised that your insurance agent did not mention this due to the points on her license. I have met many judges in my day and most are caring wonderful people. She evidently was not one of them as your dd did take a class etc showing that she does take the responsibility of being a driver seriously. The extra defensive driving class will protect her further from all the wild and seemingly insane drivers out on the road.

[Lolly]

Wow! Six points! In CA, an at-fault accident gets you one point and you have to have more than 6 pts in 24mths in order to face license suspension.

 

In AZ, you have to have a hit-and-run or worse in order to get 6pts at one time.

 

Maybe they screwed up and gave her too many points?

 

 

No, this is how they do it here.

 

Consult an attorney to make sure everything is on the up and up. 6 points sounds ridiculous for that kind of accident.

 

I know this is over and done with at this point for you, but for everyone else reading: this kind of crap is why you always need an attorney in court--no matter how minor it seems. Do not represent yourself.

 

Many judges are elected. See if they are in your area. If they are not elected, there is probably nothing you can do except file an ethnics complaint with the proper authorities and write to the official who appointed her--as PP's have noted, don't do this until the case is done. You can also try to talk local news into covering it.

 

It is ridiculous. I really don't think an attorney would not have mattered though. Truly, it is just the government trying to take over parenting.

 

This may not be a very popular response, but I don't mean any ill. I am sorry you came across such a toad of a judge. However, the fact is that the judge, even if you do complain, isn't going to change her ways, and she will continue to wield the power she has no matter what you have to say.

 

I think you and your dd should suck it up and call this a very hard life lesson. Sometimes, people in authority positions are mean just because they can be. They can be even meaner if you try to thwart their authority. Some of them live for the opportunity to steam-roll over anyone who dares to complain or challenge them. In a way, it's good to learn this early in life, so you can avoid playing into their little power games.

 

This is what we are doing. I am contemplating sending a letter after this is over just a heads up, hopefully fairly nicely worded, that she was detrimental to the well being of a child. Even though dd was sobbing the entire hour, I don't think the woman had a clue as to what she was doing. That is why, unless it is an extreme case, parents should be allowed to parent their own children. When it becomes obvious that there is a bigger problem with their driving, one minor accident would not qualify, then someone might need to have alook see.

 

 

 

 

 

Anyone under the age of 18 must report to a hearing if they receive 6 or more points on their license in a year's period. One accident that really shouldn't have even ben reported as property damage according to the legal $ amount racks up 6 points at the one time. Over and done. It took 9 mths for them to send us a notice

 

Ignorance of the law is not a legal excuse. You are not due a notice of the law nor an interpretation of it, that is not the courts responsiblity. I am, however ,surprised that your insurance agent did not mention this due to the points on her license. I have met many judges in my day and most are caring wonderful people. She evidently was not one of them as your dd did take a class etc showing that she does take the responsibility of being a driver seriously. The extra defensive driving class will protect her further from all the wild and seemingly insane drivers out on the road.

 

Confusing post. Ignorance of the law? Doesn't come into play. I am upset about the WAY this judge behaved. I am angry because she outright made up lies to scare my daughter. I am mad because she thinks SHE should have the right to make decisions regarding my daughter's day to day life. She was telling her that she needed to get a job and that she should be pay her own insurance. That she needed to do more volunteer work. All this has NOTHING to do with anything within her realm. I am not happy about her being required to take another class, but I am not terribly angry about it. I am angry about the peon of a woman who is on a power hungry trip who is allowed to abuse these kids.

[Lolly]

 

Anyone under the age of 18 must report to a hearing if they receive 6 or more points on their license in a year's period. One accident that really shouldn't have even ben reported as property damage according to the legal $ amount racks up 6 points at the one time. Over and done. It took 9 mths for them to send us a notice

 

Ignorance of the law is not a legal excuse. You are not due a notice of the law nor an interpretation of it, that is not the courts responsiblity. I am, however ,surprised that your insurance agent did not mention this due to the points on her license. I have met many judges in my day and most are caring wonderful people. She evidently was not one of them as your dd did take a class etc showing that she does take the responsibility of being a driver seriously. The extra defensive driving class will protect her further from all the wild and seemingly insane drivers out on the road.

 

 

Oh, and I have met quite a few judges in my day too. Two of them are not pompous @ssholes. One of those was recently dismissed from his post. Why? He was not backing the officers at every ticket appearance. He was actually looking at the case and making a decision based on the evidence. Less $ to the state. Plus, the officers didn't seem to like being told they were wrong. Even when it was a matter of an antique car without seatbelts (not required) being ticketed for driving without a seatbelt on.

[kalanamak]

Y All over a little traffic issue.

 

This reminds me of an old shtetl saying: A dog is just a dog until he is facing you. Then he is Mr. Dog.

[Murphy101]

This is why no one should ever under any circumstances stand before a judge without an attorney. Never. Ever.

 

I'd consult one now before doing anything.

[OhM]

This is why no one should ever under any circumstances stand before a judge without an attorney. Never. Ever.

 

I'd consult one now before doing anything.

 

:iagree:

[Laurie4b]

The reason an attorney often matters involves the politics of the courtroom as much as any legal maneuvers. The attorneys know the judges for one thing (you could have been forewarned) and there is a kind of courtroom culture. Often judges used to be the attorneys in that county and they usually know each other outside the courtroom, too, so they are not always as obnoxious when one of their "guys" is involved. Your family was without a protector. Some judges get kind of irate that you would dare to come before THEM without legal representation. It's like you're not taking it seriously or kowtowing enough in their mind. Sometimes the value of an attorney is simply to steer you through the minefields in the system. It's stupid, but it's a reality.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

PARENTS are the ones who should have made the decision as to what punishment (judge's word) she should receive for an accident. Being her parents and knowing her, we decided she needed NO punishment. She needed to have her confidence returned. Okay, so that has now been stripped. How dare this &^%# undermine our efforts as a parent? No teen should have to go through this because of ONE minor accident. It is insane!

 

 

I am not a lawyer, but I believe that, according to the law, it is NOT up to the parents to "decide on a punishment for a traffic accident". She violated a law while operating a motor vehicle. It falls under traffic laws. The judge has every legal right to impose punishment.

 

I agree that her methods are suspect, however. It sounds like she (judge) is trying to "scare your daughter straight".

 

Please cool off for a bit before you do anything rash.

[Joker]

I have to say I actually like the fact that there is a judge / state that is taking it seriously. I wasn't there so I can't say how over the top she was but teenagers need to understand that driving is a big responsibility. Ten years ago my dad and little brother brother were killed because a teenage boy committed a mild traffic violation. He didn't even get a suspended driver's license. Teenagers feel invincible - not saying your dd does but maybe this judge has seen many others who just don't get it.

[Liz CA]

I don't think this standard applies if you're a new teenage driver with a provisional license. My ds's license was suspended for 30 days with one speeding ticket.

 

Is this true only for drivers under 18 in CA?

My son is 19 but did not have a license until 12-31-2009 and is just now driving. I know they are trying to crack down on teenage speeders and reckless driving but it can be a seriously misjudged event as well as Lolly's example shows.

[Entropymama]

This seems very strange to me. I was a terrible driver as a teenager and was in not one, but three accidents before I was 18, all my fault. I got tickets, sure, and my insurance was high, but I was never asked to go to court. What were the charges? I'd definitely consult an attorney about the laws in your state.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Consult an attorney to make sure everything is on the up and up. 6 points sounds ridiculous for that kind of accident.

 

I know this is over and done with at this point for you, but for everyone else reading: this kind of crap is why you always need an attorney in court--no matter how minor it seems. Do not represent yourself.

 

Many judges are elected. See if they are in your area. If they are not elected, there is probably nothing you can do except file an ethnics complaint with the proper authorities and write to the official who appointed her--as PP's have noted, don't do this until the case is done. You can also try to talk local news into covering it.

 

I would have to agree with Laurie. This is why the attornies get the big bucks. They all know one another and trade favors.

[Gretchen in NJ]

The reason an attorney often matters involves the politics of the courtroom as much as any legal maneuvers. The attorneys know the judges for one thing (you could have been forewarned) and there is a kind of courtroom culture. Often judges used to be the attorneys in that county and they usually know each other outside the courtroom, too, so they are not always as obnoxious when one of their "guys" is involved. Your family was without a protector. Some judges get kind of irate that you would dare to come before THEM without legal representation. It's like you're not taking it seriously or kowtowing enough in their mind. Sometimes the value of an attorney is simply to steer you through the minefields in the system. It's stupid, but it's a reality.

:iagree:Tell me about it.:glare: We learned this the hard way ourselves once.

[Renee in NC]

I have to say I actually like the fact that there is a judge / state that is taking it seriously. I wasn't there so I can't say how over the top she was but teenagers need to understand that driving is a big responsibility. Ten years ago my dad and little brother brother were killed because a teenage boy committed a mild traffic violation. He didn't even get a suspended driver's license. Teenagers feel invincible - not saying your dd does but maybe this judge has seen many others who just don't get it.

 

My MIL was killed 6 years ago by a teenager who wasn't paying attention. He looked back as he was making a left to make sure that his friends were following him. My mother in law was crossing that side street (walking) and was hit. She died 2 weeks later.

 

What lasting harm did it really cause for your dd to get lectured by the judge? Sometimes people are just nasty. It doesn't make you feel good, but it doesn't really hurt either. She takes the class and it is over. A year from now it will be but a distant memory. No, none of that other stuff was really her business, but she didn't make it a requirement of her punishment.

[Heather in AL]

I am so sorry for what you and your dd went through. :grouphug::grouphug: to all of you! If I had been your dd, I would have been sobbing, too! I absolutely HATE when people abuse their power, *especially* over someone who can't/won't answer or fight back.

 

I have no advice for you, but I think the advice given to suck it up is good. I'm a 'stand up for myself' kind of person, but with the law & the IRS, sometimes it's best to keep things zipped up. If you *do* react, and (heaven forbid!) something happens down the road and your dd or another one of your kids appears before this judge, I can only imagine the wrath that will be encountered!

 

It's a terrible way for your dd to learn about those type of people, though.

 

May I ask what state you are in?

 

Again, I'm so sorry this happened. I hope your dd isn't too scared to get back behind the wheel. :grouphug::grouphug: More hugs for her.

[2cents]

Welcome to the world of asinine Judges. We had our run in with several over a issue of conservatorship. There was clear evidence of elder abuse and financial abuse but the Judges and court covered their mistakes at the expense of justice. Nobody in the system wants to get on the bad side of the judge so complaints went nowhere. We ended up disgusted with the whole slimy mess. Judges on power-trips just stink. I hope you take her down a peg or two. There are sites on the net that let you rate Judges...as if that really helps much. It is nice to know that it is out there for others to see at least. Good luck.

[fivetails]

This may not be a very popular response, but I don't mean any ill. I am sorry you came across such a toad of a judge. However, the fact is that the judge, even if you do complain, isn't going to change her ways, and she will continue to wield the power she has no matter what you have to say.

 

I think you and your dd should suck it up and call this a very hard life lesson. Sometimes, people in authority positions are mean just because they can be. They can be even meaner if you try to thwart their authority. Some of them live for the opportunity to steam-roll over anyone who dares to complain or challenge them. In a way, it's good to learn this early in life, so you can avoid playing into their little power games.

 

But if nobody ever stands up to those sorts of people.... ???

 

That reminds me of the way that kids are sometimes told to "just ignore" the bullies....

[Lolly]

You know, we really are going to ignore it. I may write her a personal letter and get it to her when all my kids are legally adults. It just makes me so very, very angry. Today I am a bit calmer, I'm at the I'd really like to slit you from gullet to tail and leave you hanging alive for the birds to pick at your innards stage. Much calmer than yesterday. I have a very large mama bear streak.

 

Turns out she is not a judge. She is some sort of lawyer, a judge wanna be. That is in addition to being an egotistical, bold-faced liar, of course. For a person with a photographic memory, she sure has trouble recalling statistics!

 

This whole thing makes me angry because our civil servants should not be allowed to be like this. It is wrong that you cannot report abusive authorities without repercussions. This just makes them more and more abusive. They become worse and worse. There needs to be some way to stop it. Lawyers can't stop it. They are afraid of them too. I really wish we could vote them out, but these are not elected positions.

 

How bad was it you ask? Dd was not able to sleep last night. At all. She was up until fairly late this morning. She is finally sleeping.

 

CyndiGirl, I have no problem with her suffering the legal penalties. She paid her fines. Being verbally abused is not a legal penalty. It would fall under cruel and unusual punishment. I do not know why WE as citizens consistantly allow it.

 

Renee, lasting harm? possibly minor. Some people can have an hour of being berated and told that they are no good just roll right off of their backs. Others internalize it and have some difficulty moving forward. My dd has enough trouble feeling good about herself anyway. She is an Eeyore type of person. She will get past this. She got past having the accident in the first place. That took us about 3 months. This woman's abuse will most likely take us 6 or 7 months to undo. In the meanwhile, I will have to be monitoring her driving very closely because this woman has put her into a state that will have made her a worse driver. While ripping someone another hold to defecate with scares some straight, it has the opposite result with others.

 

I just keep thinking that with dd being a minor that I am legally responsible for her. Yet, I was not allow to have any input yesterday. If I looked like I was about to say something (or once when dh raised his hand), we were curtly told that if we said ANYTHING that it would go harder against dd. How is this possibly legal? Don't tell me to consult a lawyer. Lawyers cannot will not take on people of power over them. They will just tell me to suck it up and move on. Which is what I am working on. Hopefully tomorrow I will only want to very slowly pull her fingernails off.

[Lolly]

I agree 100%

 

 

 

And again, 100%

 

 

 

If the judge was doing something horrible, I would report her, but to me it sounds like she was trying to scare her daughter into realizing what a big responsibility driving is. So many people are killed in car accidents. I bet the OP's dd will take driving extremely seriously now (not saying she was wreckless before, but even so, it will be even a bigger deal) and it could just spare her life or someone else's. I would love for a judge to go off on my kids if they caused an accident (however minor it was). I would applaud it, even.

 

 

ETA: if the judge is screwing over a lot of people, she needs to be reported, not ignored, but she didn't do anything but send her dd to another class. If there were enough points on the license to suspend it, she was following the law... like she should be. If the judge didn't suspend it when it should have been, and this caused another accident, she would be in some serious trouble.

 

 

No, she will have made my dd a worse driver. She has undermined her confidence. That is a bad thing. As far as taking driving more seriously, I don't think so. You do not know dd. We are actually the ONLY people I know irl who follow the laws for teen drivers. (They are extremely strict.) Everyone else just shrugs their shoulders and says, "Oh, they didn't mean for that to be in THIS case." In fact, this lawyer/judgy person did not even KNOW the actual law herself. She told dd she could drive with her sisters and brother in the car without me, just not non-family. And, that she could have more non-family if it was for a school sponsored activity. The LAW is that she can only have ONE passenger unless her parent is in the car with her/she can have more than one sibling if it is for a school activity.

 

I hope that you get the opportunity for a person of authority to to tell your child what a horrible parent you are because of parenting decisions you make. I hope that they have the opportunity to have their self confidence completely obliterated. It is such a healthy thing.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Lolly

[Lolly]

I am so sorry for what you and your dd went through. :grouphug::grouphug: to all of you! If I had been your dd, I would have been sobbing, too! I absolutely HATE when people abuse their power, *especially* over someone who can't/won't answer or fight back.

 

I have no advice for you, but I think the advice given to suck it up is good. I'm a 'stand up for myself' kind of person, but with the law & the IRS, sometimes it's best to keep things zipped up. If you *do* react, and (heaven forbid!) something happens down the road and your dd or another one of your kids appears before this judge, I can only imagine the wrath that will be encountered!

 

It's a terrible way for your dd to learn about those type of people, though.

 

May I ask what state you are in?

 

Again, I'm so sorry this happened. I hope your dd isn't too scared to get back behind the wheel. :grouphug::grouphug: More hugs for her.

 

TN.

 

Trying to suck it up...:D

[pageta]

I hope that you get the opportunity for a person of authority to to tell your child what a horrible parent you are because of parenting decisions you make. I hope that they have the opportunity to have their self confidence completely obliterated. It is such a healthy thing.

:iagree:

[Hockey Mom]

I always tend to get my 'knickers in a twist' whenever ANYONE disciplines my kids. Be they a judge or another family member. So I get why you are so upset.

 

That said, this judge doesn't know your DD. She only sees what is written in the file. If she deals with teen drivers day in and day out, I can somewhat understand her irritation. Of course, that doesn't give her the right to take it out on your DD. But again, she doesn't KNOW your DD. Just like you don't know her. Maybe one of her friends/family members was just killed by a teen driver? Maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed? There could be any number of reasons why she went off on your DD.

 

If it were me, I would respect the court's decision, follow it exactly, and use it as a teachable moment. If you really need to blow off steam, write your letter, then burn it. It won't unring the bell anyway.

 

Your DD may be the best driver out there, but she needs to understand that there ARE idiot drivers surrounding her. I have always told my DD that I'm not so worried about HER driving...I'm more worried about the 80-year olds who can hardly see anymore. But that it's HER responsibility to stay diligent. And if your DD is going to be a more nervous driver as a result of this, I would enroll her in some Driver's Ed classes until that nervousness is gone.

[Brindee]

If the judge was doing something horrible, I would report her, but to me it sounds like she was trying to scare her daughter into realizing what a big responsibility driving is. So many people are killed in car accidents. I bet the OP's dd will take driving extremely seriously now (not saying she was wreckless before, but even so, it will be even a bigger deal) and it could just spare her life or someone else's.

From what I've seen, Lolly and her dd already DO take driving seriously! This was a very minor accident. They've taken responsibility and have done everything in their power to promote safe, careful driving.

 

I would love for a judge to go off on my kids if they caused an accident (however minor it was). I would applaud it, even.

Really? :glare: Interesting. I'm not one that feels allowing others to abuse my children will help my children be better, safer people!

 

I hope you get your wish, then!

Edited May 25, 2010 by Brindee

[Hockey Mom]

I hope that you get the opportunity for a person of authority to to tell your child what a horrible parent you are because of parenting decisions you make. I hope that they have the opportunity to have their self confidence completely obliterated. It is such a healthy thing.

 

Hmmm...maybe it's because I grew up with an alcoholic mother, but one thing I've learned in life is that YOU own your OWN feelings. No one can MAKE you feel anything.

 

This judge has no bearing on your self-confidence. Why give her that power over you?

[Lolly]

I always tend to get my 'knickers in a twist' whenever ANYONE disciplines my kids. Be they a judge or another family member. So I get why you are so upset.

 

That said, this judge doesn't know your DD. She only sees what is written in the file. If she deals with teen drivers day in and day out, I can somewhat understand her irritation. Of course, that doesn't give her the right to take it out on your DD. But again, she doesn't KNOW your DD. Just like you don't know her. Maybe one of her friends/family members was just killed by a teen driver? Maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed? There could be any number of reasons why she went off on your DD.

 

If it were me, I would respect the court's decision, follow it exactly, and use it as a teachable moment. If you really need to blow off steam, write your letter, then burn it. It won't unring the bell anyway.

 

Your DD may be the best driver out there, but she needs to understand that there ARE idiot drivers surrounding her. I have always told my DD that I'm not so worried about HER driving...I'm more worried about the 80-year olds who can hardly see anymore. But that it's HER responsibility to stay diligent. And if your DD is going to be a more nervous driver as a result of this, I would enroll her in some Driver's Ed classes until that nervousness is gone.

 

 

She may not know my dd, but she deals with kids. If she has one who is sobbing loudly that she is sorry within 5 minutes, she should realize that she needs to back off. Part of her having this job should require that she be able to read fairly obvious signs as to state of emotions. If one of her friends of family members has just been killed due to a negligent driver, then she needs to take a leave of absence or change of jobs because it keeps her from being able to function in an authority position with any type of ability. I'm fairly certain this is just a personality problem for her.

[Lolly]

Hmmm...maybe it's because I grew up with an alcoholic mother, but one thing I've learned in life is that YOU own your OWN feelings. No one can MAKE you feel anything.

 

This judge has no bearing on your self-confidence. Why give her that power over you?

 

You know, I've had this discussion with dd MANY times. It is something we have worked on. But, it is a personality thing. Like I said, I figure this one will take about 6 months for us to undo. Totally on her own, I am not quite sure she could do it. She would be buried under it all. Me, I am angry. Yes, I am allowing myself to be angry. It is actually a very healthy anger. It keeps me from blowing a gasket in my heart or brain.

[Lolly]

There's really no need to be so snarky with anyone who has a difference in opinion! I clearly said if this woman was on a power trip and hurting your dd by punishing her unfairly, she should be reported. However, your dd is going to have to learn that some people will talk to her in harsh ways. Whether or not they are right to do so, it's going to happen! She is going to have to learn to handle it. I am more concerned hearing that this wasn't even a judge... it does sound more like a power trip, but still... she reallly DO anything, except speak harshly and misquote a few things things she should have known... but doesn't that make her the idiot? If she doesn't know what she is talking about, she shouldn't be in the position to make decisions like this... THAT is something you could complain about.

 

Again, I really wouldn't care if a judge went off on my kid for causing an accident... I think it would get their attention. If your dd is extremely sensitive, then talk to her about it, but she is going to have to learn to deal with this in life. This can be a good learning experience. If your dd is going to be a worse driver now, keep her off the streets... for her safety and everyone else's!!! That's a scary thought! I commend you for following the driving laws, and to continue on with that, it would be wise to keep your dd from driving if she is now a worse driver.

 

Did she tell your dd that she has horrible parents?

 

I really wish I had that little cassette tape she made. I would love to air it. I don't believe that you have any idea how far overboard this went. Dd doesn't need to be kept from driving or kept off the streets. She needs to have her confidence built back up behind the wheel. It will be gradual. I know what is best for her. I have known her a long, long time. Yes, my dd is extremely sensitive.

 

And, yes, I consider this woman to be an idiot if given the benefit of the doubt and assume that she thought she was doing dd good. Only an idiot would have thought that due to dd's reactions.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Lolly

[Murphy101]

Really? :glare: Interesting. I'm not one that feels allowing others to abuse my children will help my children be better, safer people!

 

I hope you get your wish, then!

 

:iagree:

 

I don't wish for a judge to go off on my kids, I just said I would love it if they did if my child caused an accident! Two totally different things... let's not be immature here!

 

Not really. Accidents happen every day. They are called accidents for a reason. A mother glances up in her rearview mirror at kids, a man reaches to change the radio station, blind spots, someone spills hot coffee in their lap, and more than I can possibly mention happens every single day.

 

It doesn't mean those people are stupid, lazy, reckless, uncaring, foolish, or even necessarily bad drivers. It means that at any given time every driver out there could have an accident while doing something that millions of drivers do every single day without an accident.

 

And I'd bet most are devastated for the rest of their lives when it results in a fatality.

 

It seems silly to ream a new teen driver a new one just because they are unfortunate enough to be a teen.

 

If this same poster had posted the same incident, an infraction that the insurance didn't even care about (and that's impressive bc I have to say I've never heard of a car insurance co that didn't jump at that chance to hike the premiums, esp on a teen driver!) that result in some paint nicked off and a crack turn signal - but said that many months later their 65 year old mother was the one reamed until she cried - would everyone here feel the same way? Because you know old folks are the cause of nearly all the wrecks. Right?:glare: (heavy sarcasism)

 

Personally, I wouldn't have been much phased by the judge as a teen.

 

But I have some kids that I know would be a nervous wreck getting behind the wheel again after that. If they were doing something stupid or purposely dangerous - I'll ream them enough that the judge will seem nice.:D But it seems well out of proportion and unproductive to do that for a minor infraction.

 

At the very least the judge was flat out unprofessional.

 

I wonder if a poster came on the board and said they spoke to their spouse or their own kids that way how many would be outraged?

[Brindee]

I don't wish for a judge to go off on my kids, I just said I would love it if they did if my child caused an accident! Two totally different things... let's not be immature here! Also, it's not abuse for a judge to scare a child into taking driving more seriously... there are soooooooo many accidents caused by teenagers and I'm sure they are tired of seeing it.

Immature? I don't think that was called for! You said you would love for a judge to go off on your kids, and applaud them, even. So, I said I hope that can happen for you.....well, I guess I don't want your kids to be in an accident obviously! :tongue_smilie: But if it DOES ever happen, I hope you get a Judge that will go off on your kids like that to help them learn, as YOU said. Why call me immature for that:confused:

 

And I disagree about the abuse part, the degree of which was too strong in this case, but it's a matter of opinion, I guess.

 

I never said they, specifically, don't take driving seriously, either! I even said I wasn't saying she was wreckless! Don't twist people's words!

You said:

I bet the OP's daughter will take driving extremely seriously now...

You did clarify that with the following statement. I was simply commenting that I think she already DOES take it extremely seriously. To me that's NOT "twisting people's words! :confused:

[Brindee]

It was immature to say you hope I get my wish... I did not wish for that. Also, you implyed that I didn't think she took driving seriously... which I did not say.

 

Anyway, we are getting tit-for-tat here, and we don't really need to. We just disagree, right? ;)

I guess that I feel it's immature to read into what I was saying things that I was NOT meaning or implying.

 

So then, we're both, in each other's opinions, acting immature right now. So I can agree to disagree and move on! ;)

[Brindee]

But yes, I agree, we are both immature, lol. :tongue_smilie:;)

:001_smile: Personally, I think we're both very mature for moving on like this! :D

[Brindee]

Brindee, your comment gave me a good laugh! :lol:

We are now extremely mature. :tongue_smilie:

Yes we are! :D We're only giving others a good example of how to move past differences! :D

 

 

 

 

Lolly, sorry to take over your thread! I'm praying your dd is okay, and can move forward well! :grouphug:

[Hockey Mom]

She may not know my dd, but she deals with kids. If she has one who is sobbing loudly that she is sorry within 5 minutes, she should realize that she needs to back off. Part of her having this job should require that she be able to read fairly obvious signs as to state of emotions. If one of her friends of family members has just been killed due to a negligent driver, then she needs to take a leave of absence or change of jobs because it keeps her from being able to function in an authority position with any type of ability. I'm fairly certain this is just a personality problem for her.

 

I've run across people like her and the problem lies with them. So in that aspect, you could be right. Can you imagine living your life with such venom? I would feel sorry for her.

 

OTOH, I've seen teen girls cry at the drop of a hat in order to get a lesser punishment too. Not saying your DD is one of them, but when you're working with teens, you tend to see a lot of manipulation. Again, not saying your DD is one of those teens.

 

I guess my whole point is that I completely understand your anger. I also know how frustrating it can be working with teens. I'm sure your DD is a lovely girl, but this judge doesn't know her. I would tend to just remind your DD of that fact.