mama2cntrykids Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Another thread got me thinking about this. Recently one of my boy's friend's mother's had mentioned a sleep over sometime this summer. The more I am thinking about this, the more I'm not sure I'm so comfortable with it. So, do *YOU* let your kids go to other ppl's homes to spend the night? Do you allow other kids to spend the night at your house? Looking for insight on the subject. Please, enlighten me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyBre Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Not if I'm not comfortable with it. Dd stays overnight with our neighbor whom we've known since their kids were born. They're very dear friends of ours, but if we are not close friends with the parents, or I don't know BOTH of the parents AND all the children or other residents in the house, I usually invite the child to our house instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 No. But we move a lot and this just never has come up for us at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Having 4 kids, we have alot. For the most part it is the same kids over and over, back and forth between the houses. DD has 2 friends and the 3 of them are peas in a pod. They are always together at one of the 3 houses. Same with DS and his 2 friends. We are good friends with all the parents and we all live in the same neighborhood. I did say no to a sleepover with a cheerleading friend this summer bc I wasn't comfortable with it. DD was so mad, but oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 With families that we know very, very well--a resounding Yes! We do sleepovers. With families that we don't know well--a resounding No! we don't do sleepovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelaNYC Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 So, do *YOU* let your kids go to other ppl's homes to spend the night? Do you allow other kids to spend the night at your house? Looking for insight on the subject. Please, enlighten me! Yes and yes. I always know the families well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmamainva Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Yes...we do sleepovers. In each case, we know the child (and the family) fairly well. We're the sleep-over hosts more often than our children sleep over somewhere else. It just has worked out that way. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Frankly the only time we have was when dd7 was born and ds(now 12) had to spend the night with very close friends. Other than that I really don't see the point. We have wonderful playdates with friends - sometimes they even stay until 9:30 or 10 pm - then we go home to our own beds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeenagerMom Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Yes and yes. DD has stayed the night with several friends from school and likewise has had them stay over here. I try to familiarize myself with the parents before she goes, by visiting them at their home, volunteering with them at school, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 No. No sleepovers except for relatives. Now, if we'd stayed in California there would have been a few other exceptions, but not that many more. It's going to be a difficult rule to keep in a year or so here....dd7 is already asking for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 DS has stayed with a friend b/c we were in a schedule jam & they offered to take him home (super nice and only gone about 12 hours). Both have stayed 1 or 2x with a favorite family at church. However, as a general rule, I haven't let them much. Too protective? Maybe. Also just different than what I did growing up. I spent the night with friend 3-4 times my entire time of 2nd-12th grade. We lived out in the country & it just wasn't common. So, I am not a good judge of when & how much for my kiddos. I tend to stay cautious & will keep it rare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Generally no. We let my 11yo camp out with a friend a couple of times, but it was someone I trusted completely (and I trusted her son.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Mine have only ever spent the night with cousins or grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 no, we don't allow sleep-overs. Only at the grandparents, and once they hit jr. high age, they can go to our church camp, which is girls or boys only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 My girls have only ever spent the night with my parents, and I plan to keep it that way. OTOH, my best friend's little girl spends the night with us every couple of weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Nope, not happening here. Family policy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Only with people I trust like family. We do have a couple of friends that I let the kids have sleep overs with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim.4dogs Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 We have allowed it, but I have to say I've started to just *hate* sleepovers! My DD always comes home the next day tired and grumpy. Last year she went to a few birthday slumber parties where they stayed up until 2:00 in the morning or later. That just seems ridiculous to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 (edited) DD9 has gone to 3 sleepovers. One was for a close friend who was moving away (far) and she was unlikely to see again. The other two were sleepover birthday parties. All three were close and trusted friends. We have had DDs closest friend sleep here twice. I don't mind them if I have complete trust in the parents hosting, or if I enjoy the company of the girls that come here. DD has another friend whose mother has been pushing for us to allow our DD to sleep over and it'll never happen. I don't trust her daughter and I'm not sure I trust my friend w/my dd even though we are very close. Her daughter has some emotional and behavioral problems that my friend doesn't deal with well IMO. If she keeps pushing it's going to be an ugly conversation because she will not take it well. I'm not sure the friendship will survive, but I'm that uncomfortable with it. Now, as far as DS7, I just don't feel the same about boy sleepovers. So far he hasn't asked for them, but I know boys who do them. I have no idea why I feel funny about this, but I do. So I'm not sure how I'll handle if/when he shows interest. He does enjoy having a sleepover in his sister's room, as she has two twin beds, which they do about once a week in the summer and every once in a while on a weekend during the school year. I think one of the reasons I like sleepovers for DD is that she can spend more quality time w/her friends. Most of her friends are in public school and it's hard to get them together. Most of them don't get home til 4 after school and their weekend days are full of extra curricular activities so it's nice when they get a long span of time to talk and have fun. Oh, and DD usually has a nice early bedtime the night after a sleepover to make up for her lost sleep! Edited July 27, 2009 by whitestavern Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I may or may not depending on the family and the circumstances. Currently, none of my kids has been on a sleepover at a house for 4 years at least. I don't necessarily have a problem with it but my daughters haven't had the easiest time making friends as we keep moving. My older I don't foresee doing so anymore and that isn't much of a thing with older teens anyway. My younger may do that sometime. The last time we had sleepovers was when we lived in Belgium and our girls slept over once and their girls came over once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprimis Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 No, as a rule, we don't allow our children to sleep over at anyone's home. We do allow our children's friends to spend the night at our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcinnc Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 We do allow sleepovers, but only with families we know very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ValRN Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 my ds went to his FIRST sleep-over at the age of 14 (this year). The parents are my pastor and first lady, all the sisters were gone to sleepovers, and it was just the parents (whom I trust wholeheartedly), their son, and my son. Even though I trust the parents, it was something I had to really chew on. I don't even let my children play inside other people's homes. They know not to even ask if they may go in a friend's home. Well, my 8 y/o dd is testing me on this. :glare: The man to which my aunt was married, molested and raped my cousins (he ended up killing himself); a man exposed himself to me when I was a child playing outside (without adult supervision); a man attempted to kidnap my sister, cousins, and me when we were walking home from the grocery store (again, without adult supervision); when my sisters and I would sleepover at a close friend of the family's house, her teen son would sneak in the room while everyone was sleeping and get in bed with us (and we knew that he was naked IYKWIM); and currently, at my mom's church, a 40+ y/o man slept with a 13/14 y/o girl. Needless to say, I've grown up to be very suspicious of EVERYONE. I make it very clear to my dc's friends' parents that my children are not allowed inside and we don't do sleepovers. The parents may be alright, but you never know who goes in and out of the house BESIDES the parents. I don't allow my children out without supervising them. I do let my 14 y/o go outside by himself, but he must stay in the yard. Over protective? You bet I am. I don't want my dc to have to experience any of the insane things I (or my siblings and cousins) had to go through as children. I thank God that I'm an "alright" adult (maybe not totally "alright", I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up) despite the things that have been in my childhood. My husband and differ widly on our opinions of what our dc may and may not do and whether they may go out alone. I don't do anything away from home without my children because if I do, when I come home, my children have been all over the neighborhood unsupervised while dh is in watching the tele. I get so angry at him. All I can do is pray because if I were to confront him, it wouldn't be pretty. Anyway, that's just my two cents worth. My experience as a child directs my decisions when it comes to my children sleeping over. My children do rarely invite certain children over for sleepovers, and I certainly understand if the parents say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I am a very untrusting parent when it comes to my kids. Basically, people are guilty until proven innocent. I just can't help it. My ds9 has had two sleepovers at someone else's house. I had a good friend of five years and my son was best friends with her twin boys. She left her dh for another woman last year. Great. This was a woman I hung out with often and I was flabbergasted, needless to say. I trusted her with my son (and it took me knowing her for over three years before I ever allowed my son to even have a play-date without me). So, I found out I really did not know her at all. She put on a good show - hs'er, church-goer, blah-blah-blah. It's a long and involved story, but it did not help me to feel more trusting of people. I don't want to say I'll never allow my kids to spend the night at another kid's house, but I'd rather have my kids here for sleepovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 We do sleepovers. Like everything else, it's generally taken on a case by case basis. It generally comes down to how well we know the parents and the child. My the bulk of my dd's sleepovers are with neighbors, so she is always pretty close. The only sleepovers she does that are far away from us are with a family that we are very close with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 No, I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I am a very untrusting parent when it comes to my kids. Basically, people are guilty until proven innocent. I just can't help it. My ds9 has had two sleepovers at someone else's house. I had a good friend of five years and my son was best friends with her twin boys. She left her dh for another woman last year. Great. This was a woman I hung out with often and I was flabbergasted, needless to say. I trusted her with my son (and it took me knowing her for over three years before I ever allowed my son to even have a play-date without me). So, I found out I really did not know her at all. She put on a good show - hs'er, church-goer, blah-blah-blah. It's a long and involved story, but it did not help me to feel more trusting of people. I don't want to say I'll never allow my kids to spend the night at another kid's house, but I'd rather have my kids here for sleepovers. I don't let my kids do sleepovers, and I am also untrusting. However, I am failing to see how the woman leaving her husband for another woman had anything to do with how well she cared for her children or your child while he was in her home. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 No, and I don't plan on hosting any sleepovers either, except my niece and nephew. They won't be deprived. They plan with their friends outside during the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I don't let my kids do sleepovers, and I am also untrusting. However, I am failing to see how the woman leaving her husband for another woman had anything to do with how well she cared for her children or your child while he was in her home. :001_huh: I think it is just an example of how well she thought she knew someone and that person ended up to be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Yes we do, but we have had a few of those 'life's too short' experiences in the last few years. I have also had the privilege of seeing how wonderful most people really are through those experiences, so I am much more trusting now than I used to be. I have also learned to trust my gut. If something seems off then the kids don't go.period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 No, not for my youngest three girls. The oldest is the now adult who ruined it for the rest of them ;). No sleepovers is a rule that I stick to or my kids would pester me to no end. For parties, I make arrangements to pick up my kids before bedtime. At first my decision was based on the children being witchy the next day to family members and almost always coming down with a cold, etc. Then, I remembered what I did at sleepovers AND what my oldest did. She and her friend would be sleeping right outside our open bedroom window in the play house, so I thought they never left the yard. Years later, dd told me about their antics roaming the neighborhood in the middle of the night when I thought they were safely in our yard. I won't tell you what I did as a youth ;) (much worse than dd). Sleepovers can be fun, but I think the potential for mischief is far too great. It was a tough decision to make, but one I haven't regretted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GESTEP Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 My dh worked in the Missing and Exploited Children's unit with the police dept and after what he saw there our family rule is they are NEVER allowed to stay at a friend's house! We do allow immediate family but now everyone is so far away we all stay the night. We have a friend who has a "pretend sleepover" every year in which the girls play games, watch a movie, eat and have snacks then go home around bedtime. Everyone is just as happy :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 (edited) Yes we do sleepovers with families we know well...but as a special treat and not weekly or even monthly. And not for kids younger than 8 or 9. Barb Edited July 27, 2009 by Barb F. PA in AZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Yes, I have no problems with them. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 We do. We're the people who send your kids home crabby- my girls (especially the youngest) could stay up until 5 am by 5 years old! We host far more than they go to, I wonder why that is...? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted July 27, 2009 Author Share Posted July 27, 2009 Wow, I'm glad to see all the responses. Thank you! I'm thinking along the same lines as many of you. Not unless I know the family SUPER well and not until there about 9 or 10. I have friends who don't let their dc do sleep-overs and I'm fine with it. They have their reasons and that's fine by me. I think I would let my boys have friends sleep over here but maybe not for another year or so. We had one of their friends spend the night last summer and it's just not something that went too well. So, maybe once they're a little older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Yes, we do. But not terribly often, and only with their closest friends, usually. The families are much more conservative than we are in most things, but so far it has worked out fine. My DD5 has had a couple, but this is a recent development. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Nope, not happening here. Family policy. :iagree: Dd (14) was invited to several birthday parties/sleepovers over the years & I just picked her up around 10'ish when the kids were supposed to be starting to get ready for bed. Ds (11) has never been invited but would not be interested. He gets nightmares and often needs us at night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 For those who allow limited sleepovers: what do you day when casual friends ask? when the kids are friends, and you know the parents, but not that well? or you do know them, and don't want the kids to go? We haven't allowed any sleepovers yet, so it's easy for us: "Thanks, but we don't do sleepovers." Seems like it could get awkward to tell one friend yes and another no! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prudent Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 No, because DH & I remember clearly how sleepovers were when we were kids. :eek: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Seems like it could get awkward to tell one friend yes and another no! I've wondered the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 we don't do sleepovers at friends' until the kids are 12+ and it has so happened that there have been no teenage big brothers at the few they have been to, which would give me pause. And I must say, I just can't stand the fact that I have to treat every man and/ or boy like a potential molester. Another rule we have is that if my dd is babysitting the dad can't drive her home alone. This rule came about because my cousin babysat for a relative (yes! a realtive! :angry:) for years and for years when my uncle drove her home he molested her. Because of this we have made this blanket rule that either the mom or the dad with the kids picks her up and drops her off. We only allow her to babysit for people that we know very well, and it makes me sick that this even has to enter my mind about these loving, devoted husbands and fathers. I have to treat every man as if given the chance he would harm my daughter. I don't feel that this is very respectful or loving to 1/2 the human race. OK, my little rant is over...sorry about that. Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 For those who allow limited sleepovers: what do you day when casual friends ask? when the kids are friends, and you know the parents, but not that well? or you do know them, and don't want the kids to go? We haven't allowed any sleepovers yet, so it's easy for us: "Thanks, but we don't do sleepovers." Seems like it could get awkward to tell one friend yes and another no! To be honest, I don't think we've ever been faced with that scenario. Then again, just knowing the parents with no red flags is enough for me. But if it were me, I would handle it by making an excuse in the short term (other plans, etc), but taking it as a sign that the kids are becoming closer friends and I needed to get to know the family better and fast. Then the next time your child is asked there would be no problem. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Ds has spent the night at a couple different friends' houses. We've known all of them for years and I trust them completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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