wildflower Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 DD1 is 4.5 years old. she still wears a pull-up pant to bed each night and she just had another accident! i cannot stand the constant accidents anymore. 2 years ago we thought it was a uti and had her tested, nothing. i am embarrassed at this point to bring her to the pediatrician- the homeschooling, long term breastfeeding mom who has stopped vaccinating her kids (very bad reactions from dd2, very afraid for her safety, that bad) cannot seem to potty train a child who can drive (granted it's a tiny pink jeep in our backyard). yes we grow our own food, but that's because the grocery store does not hold up to my expectations. i am the normal looking, hippy acting woman who can't get things right! what do i do at this point? i just completely blew up and told her that the next accident she had i was going to throw something of hers in the garbage! i cannot believe this us what i have turned into! i firmly believe that 'the punishment should be directly related to the crime' so to speak.... she is upstairs cooling off also. i feel like a failure and a monster-- i also told her a few days ago that if she did not start picking up her own things i would throw away anything that i stepped on or kicked by accident, and in another heated moment have threatened to call her old school to send her back if she did not do schoolwork with mommy.... this is getting bad. am i stressed? yup. i need to go make up with my child now & hope to return to the holy grail of parenting wisdom! robyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Aww I'm so sorry!! I don't know if you have tried this but often dairy causes wetting accidents. Many people have found relief from this problem with removing dairy... I hope it works for you. Constant pee cleanup will drive anyone mad! Maybe she should clean up her own pee, then if it's an attitude problem rather than a physical problem, she'll have motivation to stop?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Aww I'm so sorry!! I don't know if you have tried this but often dairy causes wetting accidents. Many people have found relief from this problem with removing dairy... I hope it works for you. Constant pee cleanup will drive anyone mad! Maybe she should clean up her own pee, then if it's an attitude problem rather than a physical problem, she'll have motivation to stop?? thanks. no dairy here- rice milk. i think she gets so distracted (lazy) she just doesn't bother to get up? i do make her clean it, that hasn't worked either unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I really do not have advice on this one, but to tell you, you are not alone. My sister has this problem with her daughter who is now 6. She wets the bed every night, so they have to put her in pull ups. Which as anyone knows does not hold very much and you always have a leak. She still has accidents on some days. Doctor after doctor has told her nothing is wrong with her and she will grow out of it. All I can do is send you is a :grouphug:! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 I really do not have advice on this one, but to tell you, you are not alone. My sister has this problem with her daughter who is now 6. She wets the bed every night, so they have to put her in pull ups. Which as anyone knows does not hold very much and you always have a leak. She still has accidents on some days. Doctor after doctor has told her nothing is wrong with her and she will grow out of it. All I can do is send you is a :grouphug:! thank you. i need that. well, if she is still wetting herself at 6 i am buying one of those 'monkey zappers' that you see in the one step ahead catalog, you stick it in the kids pants & it has a sensor that goes off when wetness hits it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 and I reacted pretty much like you did. :crying: It wasn't fun. It turned out to be caused by chronic constipation and utis. she's now 17 and hasn't had an accident for many years and seems to have forgiven me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5knights3maidens Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 You are not alone....My dd (will be 4 in Aug.) has been doing this lately. This morning she peed on her bedroom floor and this morning she did it outside (very happily). I'm believing she's doing it for attention. She is now getting the attention I'm sure she doesn't want! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I just want to say that I would encourage you to bring it up with your pediatrician. Just because a bladder infection was ruled out does not mean this isn't a physical problem. I had a urethra problem which had to be surgically corrected when I was about her age. And a friend of mine was recently telling me about one of her daughters who, in her words, spent a year on the toilet because the poor thing could not be away from a bathroom for more than a few minutes at a time without having an accident. This was a physical problem with her bladder that her doctor said would most likely correct itself with time, and it did. But it was hard on everyone in the meantime, especially the poor girl! So I just wanted to say that it's possible that your dd really and truly can't help it, and not that this is a discipline issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 DD1 is 4.5 years old. she still wears a pull-up pant to bed each night andshe just had another accident! i cannot stand the constant accidents anymore. 2 years ago we thought it was a uti and had her tested, nothing. i am embarrassed at this point to bring her to the pediatrician- the homeschooling, long term breastfeeding mom who has stopped vaccinating her kids (very bad reactions from dd2, very afraid for her safety, that bad) cannot seem to potty train a child who can drive (granted it's a tiny pink jeep in our backyard). yes we grow our own food, but that's because the grocery store does not hold up to my expectations. i am the normal looking, hippy acting woman who can't get things right! what do i do at this point? i just completely blew up and told her that the next accident she had i was going to throw something of hers in the garbage! i cannot believe this us what i have turned into! i firmly believe that 'the punishment should be directly related to the crime' so to speak.... she is upstairs cooling off also. i feel like a failure and a monster-- i also told her a few days ago that if she did not start picking up her own things i would throw away anything that i stepped on or kicked by accident, and in another heated moment have threatened to call her old school to send her back if she did not do schoolwork with mommy.... this is getting bad. am i stressed? yup. i need to go make up with my child now & hope to return to the holy grail of parenting wisdom! robyn Our son had a night time accident almost every night unless we woke him up and got him into the bathroom. This stopped about a year ago(he was then 7.5). We took him to a good Chiropractor and had him treated for chemical sensitivities. He is still going and being treated. It has been a long haul of treatments but rarely do we have a wet bed and we never get him up during the night. The accidents at night was just one of the things that we have seen great improvements in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I really do not have advice on this one, but to tell you, you are not alone. My sister has this problem with her daughter who is now 6. She wets the bed every night, so they have to put her in pull ups. Which as anyone knows does not hold very much and you always have a leak. She still has accidents on some days. Doctor after doctor has told her nothing is wrong with her and she will grow out of it. All I can do is send you is a :grouphug:! I echo hsmom's sentiments. No real advice, just lots of :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: My son is 8 and still wears diapers at night. He has Autism though. BTW, I switched from Pull Ups to Overnights. They hold a lot more.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runamuk Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 My son was almost 4 when he finally toilet-trained and had accidents up until he was almost 5. Sometimes he would be so involved in something that he would put off going until it was too late. Other times, he just didn't feel like getting up and going to the bathroom. We had him clean himself up when the accidents happened. He would take off his wet things, drape them over the tub, wipe himself up and put on clean clothes. He would also lose Wii time in the evenings. We didn't make a big deal out of it, we didn't yell (although it was very hard not to in the beginning) - we told him calmly to go take care of things. It wasn't mentioned again unless he got pushy about getting to play the Wii, at which point we'd remind that he lost the evening's playtime because he wet his pants. This was enough of a motivation to encourage him to get to the bathroom on time. And over time, his accidents decreased and he's not wet his pants in nearly 5 months. Oh, and he's still in pull-ups at night. He's having more and more dry mornings, but he still needs them most nights. An idea for getting her to pick up her toys - anything that she chooses not to pick up, gets picked up and put away by you. And by put away, I mean where she can't play with it. Let her know that you'll be putting the toys away for a while since you had to pick them up. I usually keep the toys for several days before giving them back to the kids to put away. My sister tells her boys that nothing else can happen until the toys are put away - no tv or computer time, no trips outside or to the park, no games or snacks until things are put away. When I get overly stressed, I have been known to call the school day to an end. I know that if I've gotten to the point that I'm yelling or threatening, I'm not going to accomplish much for the rest of the day. My daughter will dig her heels in and oppose me every step of the way because she's upset, too. Sometimes we take the rest of the day off and stay away from each other, other times we'll do something fun together, like go to the pool, bake cookies or have a movie afternoon where we close the drapes, watch movies and eat popcorn. Anything that will move us away from what was stressing us out. I hope you and your daughter have made peace. HUGS from one stressed mom to another. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 DD1 is 4.5 years old. she still wears a pull-up pant to bed each night andshe just had another accident! i cannot stand the constant accidents anymore. 2 years ago we thought it was a uti and had her tested, nothing. i am embarrassed at this point to bring her to the pediatrician- the homeschooling, long term breastfeeding mom who has stopped vaccinating her kids (very bad reactions from dd2, very afraid for her safety, that bad) cannot seem to potty train a child who can drive (granted it's a tiny pink jeep in our backyard). yes we grow our own food, but that's because the grocery store does not hold up to my expectations. i am the normal looking, hippy acting woman who can't get things right! what do i do at this point? i just completely blew up and told her that the next accident she had i was going to throw something of hers in the garbage! i cannot believe this us what i have turned into! i firmly believe that 'the punishment should be directly related to the crime' so to speak.... she is upstairs cooling off also. i feel like a failure and a monster-- i also told her a few days ago that if she did not start picking up her own things i would throw away anything that i stepped on or kicked by accident, and in another heated moment have threatened to call her old school to send her back if she did not do schoolwork with mommy.... this is getting bad. am i stressed? yup. i need to go make up with my child now & hope to return to the holy grail of parenting wisdom! robyn Some kids just bedwet. Sorry. My sis had this problem. I think it finally stopped at 8. A former friend has a super smart, driven girl. She was 8 when I met her, she still wore pullups at night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I had the worst experience with trying to potty train my first son! I was beside myself and I was awful to him. I got to the point that when he was 4 years old I just had to let it go - and for the most part I was able to give up trying to make it happen. Six months later he was able to do it. I never thought we would get there! I say you just let it go. If there are some food issues to change then great, but let her own it. It is a phase that will be over before you know it and you do not want too much regret over it. I wish I had let things go earlier for my son. Build up and send forth. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pongo Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I potty trained my 3 kiddos by giving them plenty of fluids during the day and religiously putting them on the potty every hour! Then, no liquids after 5pm. I would carry them to the potty at 10pm, they had already been asleep since 8pm. I would sit them on the toilet and they would pee. Dry all night, no pull up's and all 3 potty trained by 2 years old. Another style is my bf. She would put big kid underpants on them at age 2, and if they had an accident she would take them directly into the bathroom and stand them in the tub and wash them off with cold water:eek: All four of hers potty trained in a week. I swear by my method she swears by hers, both worked.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Daytime accidents: try elimination diets to test allergies, consider eliminating salicylates. look at other health problems. My dd was toilet trained, but shortly after she was fully trained she started having occasional accidents, which increased in frequency over several months. Coincidentally, my dd was having absence siezures at that time--if the siezure happened to occur when she had a full bladder she wet. Absence siezures are not obvious. Nighttime accidents: elimination diets, chiropractic, plan on waiting it out for a long time--some kids just take a long time to get over this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 My dd was wet at night until age 7. Never a single dry night and very soaked. I decided that it was not a discipline issue, but was definitely something she wanted help getting control of. So I did get her an alarm. They work on a Pavlovian level. Wetness hits it and the alarm goes off, startling the child who then stops the flow of urine. Now the child can tell they have to go, and gets up to go. My dd was such a deep sleeper that we decided i should sleep upstairs near her so that I could get up at night and help her make it to the bathroom. She was trained in a few weeks and has only had a few accidents at night since. We still watch for keeping her fluid intake pretty low in the evenings. As for daytime, that seems to be more of a discipline thing. I had a friend that got her daughter those plastic diaper cover panties and had her dd wear them over her undies. Then when she'd have an accident she wouldn't get it all over the place but it was definitely uncomfortable for her. She was trained pretty quick after that. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Both of our girls peed at night until they were close to 5 yrs old. I never worried about it. I figured there must be a ton of kids who still wet at night since they market those fancy underpants for 'sleepovers'. Heck, walmart or target only put things on their shelves that MOVE. My oldest, almost 8, still runs into the house to go pee, and can't wait if someone else is in the bathroom. Even if there is NOone in there, sometimes she has dribbled. It is just a matter of not picking up on the body's cues until it is way. too. late. Or, just trying to squeeze one more minute of something, before we stop to go pee. At our age, we know our body's cues. We know how long we have until we pee our pants (unless we sneeze or cough) I think they are still learning, and just having too much fun! that's the general attitude I took with my girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 I echo hsmom's sentiments. No real advice, just lots of :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: My son is 8 and still wears diapers at night. He has Autism though. BTW, I switched from Pull Ups to Overnights. They hold a lot more.:grouphug: on a positive note- seventh generation pull-ups hold an incredible amount of liquid and are chlorine free! woo hoo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battlemaiden Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 She is your oldest. Please learn from those of us who have trod before you. I know I have come here in exasperation over many issues. She is okay, you are okay. She is only 4.5yrs, she'll figure it out. Every child is different. This is your opportunity to come alongside your daughter and encourage her- after the make up moment. I'm sure she is just as frustrated about it as you. My second oldest had me crying over potty training at 4.5- that was about the time he figured it out. Not because I was crying, mind you. He did it on his own, in his own time. My oldest daughter potty trained at a "normal" age but wore a pull up at night until she was 7yo. She just recently stopped needing them. Some of my children just needed to be put out in the back yard naked with gallons of lemonade at their disposal to connect "that feeling" with sitting on the potty. Others just needed more time. I'm sure you are most upset about losing your mind today. What is done is done. Apologize. Express your desire to help her figure this out. Decide that you are going to "work together" to make it work. Encourage, cheer lead, don't excuse her when she is lazy, but don't get angry over things that are beyond her control. Maintain the relationship. It is hard to know what to expect when they are your oldest/first. Don't worry, you are normal. Feel free to come here and vent away. We get it.:D Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I worked for a very wise Dr. when my girls were young and he always said they will not be in diapers/pull-ups/overnights when they turn 16...just relax...this to shall pass. :grouphug::grouphug: PS..he was right :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~FireFly~ Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Both of them. We tried everything from no drinks after 6pm to no sugar to pull-ups and eventually adult diapers - it was humiliating for them. Finally, with ds#1 we found an expensive program to the tune of $1000. What we found out was that he was going into a deeper sleep in REM than normal and literally couldn't wake up. he had to retrain himself - it took about 10 mos. He slept on a pee-pee pad (that's what the family called it, anyway) and we had to write down everyday what he drank, how often, when he went to sleep, when he woke up - all kinds of things. When he would wet in the middle of the night the pee pee pad would sound a shreeking alarm, oh, it was awful. Scare ya to death. That would wake him and everyone up, then more logging of how large or small the spot was, how long did it take him to wake up, he had to splash water on his face, tell himself in the mirror he was not going to pee tonight, that he would wake up before it happened.... Finally, he stopped and hasn't had a problem since. OMG, that was a long year. So, when our ds#2 couldn't stop either at 9 we couldn't afford another $1000 program so we made our own using the same directions except we didn't have the pad b/c once the program was over we had to mail the bell that connected to the pad back to the company. What we did was purchase through the mail a buzzer thing that attached inside the underware and ran an alarm up to his t-shirt at the shoulder so that when he would pee the buzzer would wake him, we wrote all the 'stuff' down, splashed the water, looked in the mirror etc. just as if he were going through the same program. This took almost 8 mos. Another long period of time. I don't think the pee pad would of worked with DS#2 b/c he sweats at night and that alarm would've been going off all night. We tried the fussing, the trying to understand, even down to DH (on his worst day) making them feel terrible b/c they wet the bed. Nonoe of that worked and many harsh words came out that didn't need to; to this day I look back and think we could've handled ourselves better. As far as our youngest DS who is 10 now, never had a problem, stopped wetting everything at age 3 and was sleeping in underpants at 3.2 :O) I would suggest taking your dd out of any diaper type thing/pullups or whatever, putting a plastic sheet on her bed (makae it up like you normally would) and letting her sleep in big girl pants that she picks out. The wettness will be felt, she won't want to pee in new panties and maybe she'll stop. If not after a week or two and you're interested in what we did, I'll be glad to give you more information. ~Stephanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yslek Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 D had similar issues. At first we thought it was due to a recent move, as she'd had a couple of months of doing really well before we moved. A year later, she was still having accidents. It seemed like a behavioral/attitude/attention-getting thing, because she was usually very nasty (rude to other family memebers/ sassy with parents) when she had her accidents. I just happened to be talking with two other hsing moms one day, when the subject of food allergies/sensitivities came up. One of the moms had a dd who would have horrible behavioral issues whenever she was exposed to corn or corn-derived products. My mental wheels started to turn. When we changed the subject to potty training/accidents/bed-wetting, the other mom mentioned that her ds wet the bed until they eliminated corn from his diet. The bladder issues ceased. She said it could be caused by any food sensitivity, not just corn, but corn was foremost on my mind. I started watching D's behavior/accident pattern, and sure enough, every time she had corn or something with corn products in it, she'd have an accident & be badly behaved. We eliminated the corn, and she hasn't had any trouble since (except when some hidden corn sneaks in somehow.) Just wanted to share my experience in case it helps you. This wasn't even on my radar and never would have been had my friends not said something. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yslek Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Oh, and I wanted to add that if it is a food sensitivity, then none of the potty training strategies out there will help. We tried ignoring it, making her clean herself up, cold showers, anything that was recommended to us or we could think of, as we were so desperate. When we found out that it was food related, we felt so awful about how we'd handled it. We had done the best we could with what we knew, but it was all wrong, as she really couldn't help it. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainforest mama Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 The women in my family have very small bladders, so I had accidents until I was 6 years old. DH's mother says she thought DH would go to school in diapers, it took him so long to be trained. Add to this the fact that DH and I are very heavy sleepers. Poor DD10 has inherited all this from her parents. She wore pull-ups to bed until she was 8 1/2, and she always needs to go to the bathroom whenever we go somewhere. We had her checked out by various doctors, but they just said she'd grow out of it. Her small bladder and deep sleeping made it impossible for her to wake up to go to the bathroom. She has grown out of it, so there is hope for you too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I gave up and ordered 3 things of 7th generation pull-ups. My son is almost 6. I say, just chug/sip a glass of wine. Does she feel ok?? You can try the allergy thing, but remember that relationships are worth more than accidents. You can teach her to ..."ok, accidents happen...here's how it works...pull off your pull-up..stick in the trash...put your dirty clothes in this bucket.....put on clean ones... If she's feeling bad about it, she will have a harder time... She won't get her real driver's license with pull-ups!! Carrie... PS, my son went through having accidents about 2 years after being "trained"...like 5 or 6 times.... I thought I'd go crazy....but I just said "no more" to whatever had held his attention..... (ok...is was the Wii) he got over it.... Good Luck! Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncmomo3 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I feel your frustration, I really really do. My dd (now 13) did until she was 5 or 5 1/2. I regret to this day making her feel badly about it. She did finally stop. I should have been much more gentle. It is terribly frustrating. :grouphug: She will get older and it will stop. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I feel your frustration, I really really do. My dd (now 13) did until she was 5 or 5 1/2. I regret to this day making her feel badly about it. She did finally stop. I should have been much more gentle. It is terribly frustrating. :grouphug: She will get older and it will stop. :grouphug: :iagree::iagree::iagree:I have lived through this twice. Our middle son, now in his mid thirties also had this problem. He was 6,7, don't remember for sure and still having night time accidents. I would shame him, scold him, accuse him of being lazy:banghead: I am not proud of those times. The good part if he still loves me and had forgiven me for those days. The bad part was he had a kidney/bladder problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I wake up my son every night , normally twice for a potty break. He is 4.5 years old. During the day I remind him, especially if he is the slightest bit tired or engaged in heavy play. Once we got into that routine it has not bothered me anymore or him. Good luck and you are not the only one out there. You just have to try different things to see what works for you. P.s. We use bed pads on the bed for my son instead of paying for pull ups. They absorb well and you end up saving money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Try a chiropractor. If her lower back is out of alignment, and it won't necessarily feel uncomfortable to her, the signals won't be getting through. That would be a very good reason for not noticing she needs to go. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alexiap Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 All my kids were OK but my oldest daughter. She was a heavy sleeper and wet the bed. She, by 4, peed through cloth dipes at night and we refused to wear pullups (I read a study that kids who wore them trained later than kids in regular disposable dipes or cloth and I knew that wasn't going to help us. She also didn't want to be in them because her siblings didn't wear them.) Instead I took her to the bathroom about 2 hours after she went to bed and, in the beginning, again around 4am. It really helped her confidence to have help going and staying dry. Then, by the time she was 5, we dropped the 4am visit. She's almost 5.5 and has only had like one accident in the past 3 or 4 months. I still take her around 2-3 hours after she goes to bed. We also discourage drinking much after 6pm -- just a little water to wet the ol' whistle if needed. Sometimes she's starting to get up in the wee hours of the morning and go by herself. Progress is slow, but it's there. She doesn't have any accidents when she's awake. Her little sister, 3, describes herself (pretty accurately) as nocturnal, and has been night trained since 2. I would almost rather she slept a little better! She had day accidents longer because she'll hold it and hates going -- doesn't want to miss anything. I have to tell her every couple of hours -- go! Her ped said some kids are just heavy sleepers and I think that's true in her case. She's like me! The others don't sleep as heavily. My husband would have just had her in pullups so he wouldn't have to go take her to the bathroom. She asked me to help her by taking her so I did. When I travel, my absent minded scientist husband often forgets and ends up cleaning up. So much easier just to take her! :D Good luck -- cleaning up pee all the time stinks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Personally, I would head to a peds urologist. It could very likely be a physical problem. First, they will ask if she is constipated at all as that puts extra pressure on the bladder. Food allergies/intolerances could be looked at as well. For both of my girls it ended up being a spastic bladder (the gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now commercials). The urologist put them on medication for this and accident were DONE within a week----day and night. I know that night time wetting can be frustrating but at 4 1/2 it is very common. The day time wetting though might signal the need to see the urologist to rule out any physical issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 (edited) Please don't get mad at her. She could have something structural wrong causing the accidents. Has she had a VCUG (voiding cystourethrogram) to rule out bladder reflux or anything else structural? My daughter has an ectopic ureter, where the ureter did not place itself in the proper spot that causes her to dribble urine so I am not able to potty train her right now. You are not a failure. This has nothing to do about you. It needs to be looked into more. Just because she is having accidents doesn't mean your a failure. It means its time to look into why she is having these accidents. Also night time accidents are more common. My oldest wet the bed until she was 7. We had her tested to make sure nothing was going on first. Just she was such a heavy sleeper. If your talking about daytime wetting as well then its time to see a pediatric urologist. And if you don't get along well with your pediatrician then its time to find a new one. Edited June 6, 2009 by TracyR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Daytime accidents: try elimination diets to test allergies, consider eliminating salicylates. look at other health problems. My dd was toilet trained, but shortly after she was fully trained she started having occasional accidents, which increased in frequency over several months. Coincidentally, my dd was having absence siezures at that time--if the siezure happened to occur when she had a full bladder she wet. Absence siezures are not obvious. Nighttime accidents: elimination diets, chiropractic, plan on waiting it out for a long time--some kids just take a long time to get over this. where are these found? all i could find is that they are present in plants. we have had many dietary issues in the past & i had thought we are past it, but maybe..... hopefully she is like me and just gets so caught up in every project she waits until it is too late sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 And if you don't get along well with your pediatrician then its time to find a new one. we love our pediatrician, she is a wonderful doctor and and a lactation consultant. she has not given me a hard time about the vacs we have chosen to forego and seems pretty in step with what we are looking for from an m.d., thanks though. we did change pediatricians a few years back- he wasn;'t as in step with what we believe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildflower Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 i will look into the food allergies on monday. we've had many problems with both girls as infants and reflux, i had to change my diet so many times over the last 5 years- gestational diabetes, baby w/ reflux, GD, reflux again. it's no wonder dh & i have decided there is no way we will have another child! these poor kids. the food thing has just been awful! with dd2 i would look into the fridge, want to cry, not want to eat anything because everything made her sick and walk away. lost all of the baby weigh in a month! thank you everyone for your support, it was along day and she just put me over the edge with the whole potty thing. i now have the resolve to tell her that accidents happen, hand her some paper towels and walk away as i had been doing before this afternoon. i'll call our chiropractor tomorrow. during my last pg and when dd2 had the reflux, we were going for adjustments & dd1 was dry (*i think*). we also travel with a small potty because she always has to go. so much to look into & great advice. thanks to all. :grouphug: & blessings. robyn off to wake her up to go now! poor kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leighton Academy Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 My oldest had problems holding his urine throughout the night. He was still wearing pull-ups even after his younger brother was long done! In our case, my son is a very heavy sleeper. Even when he wet the bed, he still did not wake up until morning. I didn't punish because I knew it wasn't his fault. We discussed it numerous times with our pediatrician who did a few tests and decided there was nothing medically wrong. She asked me if hubby or I had accidents. She mentioned that since I was a late trainer that it was likely that my son was going to be that way too. She said that maybe it was taking longer for his bladder to fully mature and be able to hold the urine. We just put a plastic liner on his mattress and bought these huge training pad things that wrap around the mattress. The liner made sure the mattress never got wet and the pad meant I didn't have to wash his bed linen when he had accidents. We would wake him up when we went to bed and sometimes in the middle of the night if we woke up. Finally, after he turned 7, he stopped bed-wetting. We didn't do anything different. He doesn't even get up in the middle of the night to go. His bladder is now able to hold his urine. He was so proud of himself when he finally started wearing underwear to bed and stayed dry. I knew without a doubt that it wasn't a discipline issue or laziness in our case. His body just needed time to mature. On the other hand, our second was completely dry from the age of three. :grouphug: that this will soon pass for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 My son is 4.5 and wears pullups to bed. He wets every night. The pull up is soaked and stinkin' disgusting in the morning. We also have a pad on the bed because it often leaks, sometimes soaking leaks. I really wish he would stop, but I see no end in the near future. My oldest stopped wetting at night within days of being day trained (at 3.) I actually thought it was strange, because I and all my siblings were bed-wetters until we were probably around six or seven. This was the mental image I had in my head and didn't know that long-term night wetting wasn't typical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 (edited) We all have our days. It sounds like you need a long bath with a good CD and a few candles. One bit of advice - peanut butter. My dd peed the bed for 8 and a half years. We quit peanut butter and within days she was cured. My experience brought me to my knees as well. She was about 6 and a half when I gave in to paper diapers. I never ONCE used a paper diaper on her. In all my life my dd wore cloth diapers. I wanted to see if it could be done. A child born in that time and only ever wear cloth was a goal deep in my heart. But because the accidents were so frequent (and cloth diapers aren't an option at that age) I had to say to myself that the pull ups, as awful and contradictory as they are, will save me my parenting relationship with my child. Sometimes that's the question and we have to choose our battles wisely. What is it worth in your parenting relationship with your child? Pull ups are cheap at The Family Dollar and I had to realize that sometimes in this world I have to compromise what is necessary to save me and my kid. I had to choose my daughter over earth. It was a hard decision and not one I took lightly. Lots of kids pee the bed. It's really not a big deal. Don't do anything that makes you both feel bad. Accept the problem and use the modern day technology available for comfort. KWIM? And then research allergies and bed wetting. Doris Rapp is good. Her site here: http://www.drrapp.com/ And I also recommend you tube for her videos. Edited June 6, 2009 by Karen sn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 thank you. i need that. well, if she is still wetting herself at 6 i am buying one of those 'monkey zappers' that you see in the one step ahead catalog, you stick it in the kids pants & it has a sensor that goes off when wetness hits it. I have a friend who thinks this is why he lost the ability to sleep soundly. He wakes at the slightest noise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I used to wet the bed until I was about 9 or 10. I was a very heavy sleeper. My parents used to accuse me of being too scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but it wasn't that at all. I would just wake up there there was the pee. Try waking her up before you go to sleep for one last trip to the bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Another person commented about constipation. I know with my kiddos they can go #2 every day but still be constipated, this has been medically diagnosed. This is mostly an issue with DS who is too busy to sit on the loo long enough. When he is constipated he wets at night and sometimes has daytime accidents too. There has been a medical study relating constipation with incontinence, i don't know the details though sorry, other than constipation can cause incontinence. For my DS i put him on the potty right before i go to bed at night. He almost always does a big wee then but is dry in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 wildflower.... Just a couple things... Most probably, your daughter is just normal. A LOT of people don't report accidents in 4-6 yr olds but talk to a Kindy or 1st grade teacher and it's amazing how often it happens. Guess how I found out? And bedtime wetting still happens in 15% of 6yr olds. Some don't stop til double digits, even being teenagers. I'm sure you were just frustrated but you do need to watch yourself. Punishing for accidents and bedwetting will cause much greater issues that a few wet panties and sheets. Not to mention, your daughter isn't stupid. She knows this is bothering you. SHe probably also knows other people don't have the issue. She probably, even if she doesn't show it, feels bad about it. Actually, the anxiety about it could be making it worse. Have you talked to your daughter? What does SHE say? Does she have any ideas? What does she think of setting the timer to get into the habit of pottying? It could be somethng SHE does. I would take her to a ped. urologist just to make sure everything is physically okay. The tests are REALLY easy (she would go to the bathroom where a machine would check flow and such and then have an ultrasound of her bladder to make sure it emptied completely). You might try eliminating problem foods. Maybe something is irritating. Another consideration is to do the "training." It may be that her signal isn't particularly strong and she needs a better idea of what it feels like. Doing something like Potty Training in a Day would give her an intensive session of re-training. Another option is a reward chart. I am very against rewards, almost as much as punishment. However, I've used a reward system twice for my son, each for about 2 or 3 weeks. I'm pretty sure I didn't ruin him by doing it twice. Anyway, a small reward system would give her the feeling of accomplishment, but also give you a good idea of whether or not she has control if she's trying hard. The reward when she first feels the need to go may be stronger than the "too busy" she feels. Anyway, so you do what you can and past that are patient. It really isn't the end of the world. There are much greater issues in life to contend with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I would not worry about the bedwetting. 4.5 is actually pretty young to be dry through the night all the time. Whatever you do, try not to give her a guilt trip. Chances are she feels worse about it than you do. My MIL has vivid memories of being frightened to get up in the dark and go potty, so she wet the bed. Her mother wishes to this day she would have let MIL sleep near her and helped her get over that fear, but MIL never told her she was scared. As for day wetting, I would talk to the pedi. Have her tested for diabetes, since you mention she needs to pee a lot. Even if there's no medical issue beyond a tiny bladder, the fact she needs to pee a lot tells you it's physical and not intentional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 As a former bedwetter myself, from a family of bedwetters, I can assure you that it will not help! I wet the bed until I was about 6. I assure you, I did not do it on purpose, but my dad would punish me when it happened, and that only made it worse. My younger brother wet the bed until he was 13! He didn't do it on purpose either, but he was punished also. My own dear ER was also a bedwetter until he was 6. We NEVER punished him or even scolded him for wetting the bed. He was upset enough that it happened without our making it worse. We just patiently continued to buy Pull-Ups. We finally discovered that his bedwetting was due, at least in part, to food dyes/artificial flavorings. We had consulted with our pediatrician, who had advised us not to give ER foods or drinks with artificial coloring or flavoring added. At home, we didn't allow those things, but when the bedwetting continued, we realized that ER was getting about 6 oz. of Kool-Aid every morning at kindergarten. When we stopped that, the bedwetting stopped too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I worked for a very wise Dr. when my girls were young and he always said they will not be in diapers/pull-ups/overnights when they turn 16...just relax...this to shall pass. :grouphug::grouphug: PS..he was right :001_smile: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 My brother and his wife were both bed wetters till around the age of 8. Something to keep in mind: It's just as horrible for bed wetter as it is for the parent. My brother was mortified, he was scared to have friends over, his bed stunk, meaning he stunk every morning. My sil felt the same way. They tried everything for my brother. Underwear with buzzers in them (they buzzed at the first sign of dampness), pills (not sure what kind), no drinks after 7 then 6 then 5, chastisement, therapy, various punishments, etc., nothing worked. He was a deep sleeper, he couldn't help it. I don't mean to make you feel worse, but please remember, it may not be her fault, it's probably not intentional. You wouldn't punish a kid for tic, right? :grouphug: It's not easy, but go gently. As for chucking toys left on the floor, bag em' up! I'm a pack rat, I throw nothing away, but I have an attic, closet and shed, holding toys that were removed, because my dcs would not take care of them. It hasn't fixed the problem, they still leave toys laying around, but my feet appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Calvin wore pull-ups in bed until he was at least six and had daytime accidents until he was five. She may just need a bit more time. Hobbes trained almost instantly, day and night, when he was not yet three. Best wishes Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Chances are high that your daughter is healthy and normal. As already stated by many PPs, many children are not fully dry at that age. My oldest ds trained himself, day and night, at 3 years of age. My second son was day-trained at three but wore pull-ups to bed until after his 5th birthday. My third son, who is three, is day-trained with the occassional accident but wets very heavily at night. Every child is different. It isn't fair to punish a child over something that happens when they are sleeping. We call them potty accidents because, well, they are accidents. I know it is frustrating but please, go easy on your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 We were so surprised when our number 2 child kept wetting at night. THat was because neither dh or I had any history of this. But we talked to the doctor and we kept buying pull-ups. We were considering getting alarms when she finally kept dry through the night at about age 10. She was also our only one with night terrors and sleepwalking. We figured that she is just wired a bit differently. She certainly didn't want to have the problem and especially after she was 6 and her younger sister was dry. It was embarassing to her and most definitely not a behavior issue. In terms of food eliminations, we tried those but that wasn't the problem. With her, the problem was sleep related just as the night terrors and sleepwalking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BalanceSeeker Posted June 7, 2009 Share Posted June 7, 2009 we are going through the same thing with dd5. We spoke to a urologist about it and he said something about the brain-bladder connection not being fully established yet. He said it isn't uncommon for this to take longer in some kids. If other physical problems are ruled out, just give it time. I wouldn't react negatively. Very matter-of-factly have her put her wet undies in the laundry room and put on fresh ones. We started a chart where if she went x number of days with no accidents, she gets to pick out a new toy. We absolutely stopped all negative consequences other than her cleaning herself up. Positive reinforcement has worked much better than punishment (which didn't work at all and I'm still struggling with guilt over). Now that I think of it, it's been about 2 weeks since she's had an accident! :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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