"My husbands keeper"

[*Inna*]

I had this interesting conversation with my SIL a while ago and it still bugs me for some reason.

 

She was saying that our role as wives is to keep our husbands out of temptation. We are not to trust them to be alone with any young woman in any circumstances, even if they are somehow related.

 

Her reasoning is that men are weak and if tempted will forget themselves and "plunge into sin" (her words). :001_huh:

 

Furthermore, she is saying that all this is based on the Bible. When I asked for specific verses, she said she'll get back to me with that. It's been a couple of weeks already.

 

Honestly, I cannot imagine putting my husband on a leash. I love him and trust him. I cannot imagine telling him that he can't go somewhere because "I told him so".

 

Am I naive?

[Ohdanigirl]

Actually I ave heard something like this before. I am half Mexican, and a lot of the older women used to tell me things like this when I was younger. But it was more along the lines of...these things are normal, you cannot expect a man to be faithful as a wife you need to accept it, blah, blah, blah. Sadly, many people teach their sons to think this way as well. It is not as commen anymore, but you still see it a lot. My grandmother, who is 86 yo, mentioned the other day before it was not that uncommon that a man would have two families....and the women often knew about it, although it would go unspoken. I can't imagine living like that and I plan to teach all three of our boys that this type of thinking is unacceptable.

 

 

Danielle

[HeatherLynn]

Yes, I worked at a children's home and that is what they instructed. I think men need to be aware of the things that people can assume if they put themselves in compromising position, but it is not my job to make those decisions for him.

 

My Mother also believe men are incapable of being faithful, and it is our job to accept that. NOT IN THIS HOUSE!

[wagnfun]

I had this interesting conversation with my SIL a while ago and it still bugs me for some reason.

 

She was saying that our role as wives is to keep our husbands out of temptation. We are not to trust them to be alone with any young woman in any circumstances, even if they are somehow related.

 

Her reasoning is that men are weak and if tempted will forget themselves and "plunge into sin" (her words). :001_huh:

 

Furthermore, she is saying that all this is based on the Bible. When I asked for specific verses, she said she'll get back to me with that. It's been a couple of weeks already.

 

Honestly, I cannot imagine putting my husband on a leash. I love him and trust him. I cannot imagine telling him that he can't go somewhere because "I told him so".

 

Am I naive?

 

 

I can see the concept even if the wording isn't right. For example, my husband told me he needed to lose weight & that food was an issue for him. I intensionally stopped baking cookies/brownies for dessert & started giving the family apples w/ sugar/cinnamon or strawberries w/ fat free whipped cream as desserts- I removed tempation for him.

 

Regarding leaving them alone with a relative, as much as I think what she said sounds a little controling & obessive, I make it a point to make sure my man is satisfied when I can. My husband travels with work and may be gone for a week at a time, I make it a point that he leaves our house with a smile on his face, & happy with his wife. This may be different to each man; some want a clean house, a good meal or a satisfied s*x life. (I think this is why it is important for a wife to take care of herself mentally & physically.)

Dr. Laura says make your house somewhere he wants to come home to and you won't have those situations where a man is going out for drinks or hanging out w/ work guys instead of coming home. Her logic makes sense. I know a few wives who harp & harp on their men & in turn I know those men make up reasons to hang in the office or sign up for out of town trips. I think when a marriage turns to this, it is the wifes doing.

[Carrie12345]

Well, I don't want a weak man. If mine can be so easily tempted, "she" can have him. :tongue_smilie:

[Impish]

Dh and I talked about this once, and I said, "If a man is incapable of being faithful, then he darn well best be capable of paying support, cause it would be the most expensive urge you ever had!" :lol: This was while we were engaged, and we still got married, so I guess he's pretty confident of his ability to be faithful, lol!

[OnTheBrink]

I wonder what the wedding vows were of the women who say that men can't be faithful.

 

"I'll love you, provide for you, cheat on you because I'm really just an amoral pig who can't help himself, so get used to it, Princess. Until death do we part." :001_rolleyes:

 

I get tired of that excuse, that boys will be boys, and men can't help themselves. Sure they can. It's just that some won't.

[Danestress]

I'm not sure my husband could function professionally if I decided that he could never be alone with a young woman. He's a divorce attorney and I'm sure he's had more than one woman develop a crush on him (not always the young ones either, by the way).

 

It doesn't bother me at all. I'm not sure why. It's not that I am so much "better" than any particular other woman that I am without worries. But I know him. I know that most women annoy him and that he has a unique perspective on what lack of integrity does to a marriage.

 

I just don't personally feel that I am in constant competition with other women. I'm not afraid of other women. I think other women are my sisters in some ways, and I am not really concerned that my husband's moral compass is so askew that he would veer off and start an affair, and if he would, my constant supervision probably wouldn't help. Sure, there are probably women out there who would love to steal my husband, but it's *his* job to keep an eye on that - not mine. He doesn't need a Nanny/wife. He is trusthworthy.

 

I married a straight arrow and he he loves me. I refuse to let the world make me think that women who are younger or prettier than me are my enemy.

[melissel]

Actually I ave heard something like this before. I am half Mexican, and a lot of the older women used to tell me things like this when I was younger. But it was more along the lines of...these things are normal, you cannot expect a man to be faithful as a wife you need to accept it, blah, blah, blah. Sadly, many people teach their sons to think this way as well. It is not as commen anymore, but you still see it a lot. My grandmother, who is 86 yo, mentioned the other day before it was not that uncommon that a man would have two families....and the women often knew about it, although it would go unspoken. I can't imagine living like that and I plan to teach all three of our boys that this type of thinking is unacceptable.

 

 

Danielle

 

My husband (who is half Dominican, half Puerto Rican) calls this "the Dominican way," though I've come to realize it's not uncommon across many Latino cultures (and probably others as well, though I'm not familiar with them). We discovered recently that his father was sort of living this way in NYC in the 70s, and he was killed in a car accident under "mysterious circumstances," with a woman in the car. It did turn out that my MIL "sort of" knew who the woman was, and "sort of" knew of the results of that situation. It's all been very difficult for them :(

 

In general, and for our culture, I don't believe it to be true, and I believe it hurts women if we think this way--as in, women are denizens of sin, and those poor, gullible men are just sucked right in. I also think that allows men a nice, neat excuse if they do wander: "I just couldn't help myself!" Sure, lots of men cheat, but so do lots of women. And plenty of men DON'T cheat. Are they all leashed at home 24/7? I don't think so.

[Peek a Boo]

Well, I don't want a weak man. If mine can be so easily tempted, "she" can have him. :tongue_smilie:

 

no kidding! :D

 

or the guy's version:

 

If your wife runs off w/ another man, the best revenge is to let him keep her....

 

I like the way martin Luther put it: [and we have this on our wall]

 

Let the wife make her husband happy to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.

 

We are scripturally his Helper, not his keeper. I do think there is a difference.

And I think the wording in the OP shows it.

[joannqn]

The closest to this that I've ever heard is in the church with pastors. It is wise to have your wife with you when counseling another woman for your own protection. Women will sometimes claim you came on to them or whatever. So, at church, you NEVER close the office door and make sure someone else is near...a secretary or another pastor...and never go to a woman's home if you can help it or take someone with you. The pastor that gave this advise always had his wife within arms reach during fellowship times at church for this reason. No one could say he said, "such and such" because she was there to vouch for him.

[Peek a Boo]

Dh and I talked about this once, and I said, "If a man is incapable of being faithful, then he darn well best be capable of paying support, cause it would be the most expensive urge you ever had!" :lol: This was while we were engaged, and we still got married, so I guess he's pretty confident of his ability to be faithful, lol!

 

LOL! yeah. when dh turned 40, he quipped to his dad [they were in the front seat, i was in the back]:

 

" You know, most guys, when they hit middle age, run out and buy an expensive car or have an affair. i can't afford an expensive car...."

 

and then he looked at me in the rear view mirror w/ a grin.....

 

and I said

"....and you can't afford an affair either. ;)"

[Peek a Boo]

The closest to this that I've ever heard is in the church with pastors. It is wise to have your wife with you when counseling another woman for your own protection. Women will sometimes claim you came on to them or whatever. So, at church, you NEVER close the office door and make sure someone else is near...a secretary or another pastor...and never go to a woman's home if you can help it or take someone with you. The pastor that gave this advise always had his wife within arms reach during fellowship times at church for this reason. No one could say he said, "such and such" because she was there to vouch for him.

 

Yes, but again, that's to help protect his reputation, not to guard him against his own evil desires. ;)

[melissel]

Well, I don't want a weak man. If mine can be so easily tempted, "she" can have him. :tongue_smilie:

 

No kidding!

 

" You know, most guys, when they hit middle age, run out and buy an expensive car or have an affair. i can't afford an expensive car...."

 

and then he looked at me in the rear view mirror w/ a grin.....

 

and I said

"....and you can't afford an affair either. ;)"

 

:lol:

[Impish]

This may be different to each man; some want a clean house, a good meal or a satisfied s*x life. (I think this is why it is important for a wife to take care of herself mentally & physically.)

Dr. Laura says make your house somewhere he wants to come home to and you won't have those situations where a man is going out for drinks or hanging out w/ work guys instead of coming home. Her logic makes sense. I know a few wives who harp & harp on their men & in turn I know those men make up reasons to hang in the office or sign up for out of town trips. I think when a marriage turns to this, it is the wifes doing.

I've become physically disabled due to a work injury during the course of my marriage. I can no longer manage my home nor my physical fitness as I once did...so by this reasoning, my husband would be in his rights to have an affair. I don't think so, Tim. And there are husbands who, regardless of what the wife does or doesn't do, are inattentive and willing to stray. And frankly, I don't care if Athena herself descends in a Golden Chariot and begs my husband for a tryst, its his responsibility to say no. To place the blame on anyone but the person having the fair is ridiculous, imo. Nobody but themselves hopped into another's bed. Their choice, their actions.

[newlifemom]

there are husbands who, regardless of what the wife does or doesn't do, are inattentive and willing to stray. And frankly, I don't care if Athena herself descends in a Golden Chariot and begs my husband for a tryst, its his responsibility to say no. To place the blame on anyone but the person having the fair is ridiculous, imo. Nobody but themselves hopped into another's bed. Their choice, their actions.

 

:iagree:, and while I don't put my dh on a leash, he does. He does what he can to be above reproach at all times. He does this so he won't be tempted and so he cannot be accused. However, I will do all in my power so that he only thinks of me.;)

[OnTheBrink]

I've become physically disabled due to a work injury during the course of my marriage. I can no longer manage my home nor my physical fitness as I once did...so by this reasoning, my husband would be in his rights to have an affair. I don't think so, Tim. And there are husbands who, regardless of what the wife does or doesn't do, are inattentive and willing to stray. And frankly, I don't care if Athena herself descends in a Golden Chariot and begs my husband for a tryst, its his responsibility to say no. To place the blame on anyone but the person having the fair is ridiculous, imo. Nobody but themselves hopped into another's bed. Their choice, their actions.

 

No, Dr. L isn't saying a man has the RIGHT to have an affair; she's talking about circumstances that can lead up to it. She doesn't condone affairs at all. And, I agree; a man's behavior is his own responsibility and choice. However, I think it's easy to see how if the wife is constantly hag-like and doesn't do anything to treat her dh well, it would be natural for him to stay away from her and possibly stray. Not right but natural. I think the bottom line is, wives AND husbands should make it a priority to care and honor each other.

[newlifemom]

No, Dr. L isn't saying a man has the RIGHT to have an affair; she's talking about circumstances that can lead up to it. She doesn't condone affairs at all. And, I agree; a man's behavior is his own responsibility and choice. However, I think it's easy to see how if the wife is constantly hag-like and doesn't do anything to treat her dh well, it would be natural for him to stay away from her and possibly stray. Not right but natural. I think the bottom line is, wives AND husbands should make it a priority to care and honor each other.

 

 

Right on!:)

[nova mama]

It is Biblical for men and women to avoid situations in which they honestly know they would be tempted (verses below), and not just sexually. Being alone with someone of the opposite sex for a long period of time at best, looks bad, and at worst, let's be honest, can be tempting for the man or woman, regardless of age.

 

Being your husband's spiritual babysitter--not Biblical.

 

Keeping each other satisfied--Biblical. :)

 

Temptation

Proverbs 6:27-29

James 1:12-15

Matthew 6:12-14

 

Relationship of Husband and Wife

1 Peter 3:1-2, 3:7

Ephesians 5:23-33

 

Sex in Marriage

1 Corinthians 7:4-6

Proverbs 5:18-19

[WishboneDawn]

I had this interesting conversation with my SIL a while ago and it still bugs me for some reason.

 

She was saying that our role as wives is to keep our husbands out of temptation. We are not to trust them to be alone with any young woman in any circumstances, even if they are somehow related.

 

 

It at once infantilizes men and gives a husband power over a wife because then his fidelity is her responsibility and if he cheats it's fundamentally her fault. That's a dangerous road and in some cultures leads to burqas and curfews for women.

[tristangrace]

There are many good, sound, and biblical reasons for not being a hag or a slob. But regarding my husband as a moral midget is not one of them!

 

The OP's SIL wasn't saying a wife has a responsibility to maintain a satisfying relationship with her husband as best she can; she was saying men are weak and it's the wife's responsibility to ensure he never encounters temptation.

 

Let's not confuse the two.

 

Susan

[nova mama]

It at once infantilizes men and gives a husband power over a wife because then his fidelity is her responsibility and if he cheats it's fundamentally her fault. That's a dangerous road and in some cultures leads to burqas and curfews for women.

 

That's right!

 

There are many good, sound, and biblical reasons for not being a hag or a slob. But regarding my husband as a moral midget is not one of them!

 

The OP's SIL wasn't saying a wife has a responsibility to maintain a satisfying relationship with her husband as best she can; she was saying men are weak and it's the wife's responsibility to ensure he never encounters temptation.

 

Let's not confuse the two.

 

Susan

 

Amen!

[Audrey]

I had this interesting conversation with my SIL a while ago and it still bugs me for some reason.

 

She was saying that our role as wives is to keep our husbands out of temptation. We are not to trust them to be alone with any young woman in any circumstances, even if they are somehow related.

 

Her reasoning is that men are weak and if tempted will forget themselves and "plunge into sin" (her words). :001_huh:

 

Furthermore, she is saying that all this is based on the Bible. When I asked for specific verses, she said she'll get back to me with that. It's been a couple of weeks already.

 

Honestly, I cannot imagine putting my husband on a leash. I love him and trust him. I cannot imagine telling him that he can't go somewhere because "I told him so".

 

Am I naive?

 

 

I think that implying, or assuming that men have no self-control is insulting to men. :glare: There are plenty of men on this planet who are not ruled by their genitals, and who are fully capable of faithfulness.

[Paula in PA]

No, Dr. L isn't saying a man has the RIGHT to have an affair; she's talking about circumstances that can lead up to it. She doesn't condone affairs at all. And, I agree; a man's behavior is his own responsibility and choice. However, I think it's easy to see how if the wife is constantly hag-like and doesn't do anything to treat her dh well, it would be natural for him to stay away from her and possibly stray. Not right but natural. I think the bottom line is, wives AND husbands should make it a priority to care and honor each other.

 

Sorry, but 'Dr. Laura' has no right to tell any one how to behave in a marriage. You are aware that the man she is married to was previously married and she was the other woman he had an affair with? From what I've read and seen, she likes to blame the wife, I assume, so that her husband is blameless for destroying his first marriage by his affair with her. Which, I also assume, has the by-product of leaving her innocent as well.

 

This is my opinion. NO ONE PUT A GUN TO THEIR HEAD!. If a man or woman decide to cheat, it is THEIR decision alone. I don't care how bad a marriage may be. They have choices beyond, and more honorable than, cheating on their spouse! They can seek counselling, they can try to actually talk to their spouse, they can LEAVE! There is NO excuse for being unfaithful. There are always other options available!

Edited May 12, 2009 by Paula in PA

[Catwoman]

She was saying that our role as wives is to keep our husbands out of temptation. We are not to trust them to be alone with any young woman in any circumstances, even if they are somehow related.

 

Her reasoning is that men are weak and if tempted will forget themselves and "plunge into sin" (her words). :001_huh:

 

 

Am I the only one who's wondering what kind of family the SIL comes from? She doesn't even want her husband around female relatives???

 

What kind of trampy grandma must this woman have, if she can't trust her husband to be alone with her? ;)

 

And how desperate must this poor husband be for affection if he's starting to gaze lustfully at Great Aunt Rose with the frizzy gray perm and the mustache?

 

Just sayin'... :rolleyes:

 

Cat

[*Inna*]

Thank you for your replies - it is most illuminating.

 

The funny thing is that her husband is out of town for his business and comes home only on weekends. So I'm trying to understand how in the world she knows what he's up to when he's not home.

 

My husband is a worship leader at our church and sometimes does music practices at peoples' homes or in our garage. Sometimes there's a lot of people, sometimes it's just a singer (usually a female). My SIL was telling me that I need to insist for him schedule practices only at our house and be there at all times. I think she's being obsessive.

Also, I think because she has no say in what her husband is doing she's trying to manipulate me to do what she thinks is right.

[*Inna*]

Am I the only one who's wondering what kind of family the SIL comes from? She doesn't even want her husband around female relatives???

 

What kind of trampy grandma must this woman have, if she can't trust her husband to be alone with her? ;)

 

And how desperate must this poor husband be for affection if he's starting to gaze lustfully at Great Aunt Rose with the frizzy gray perm and the mustache?

 

Just sayin'... :rolleyes:

 

Cat

 

:lol::lol::lol: Thanks for the laugh!

[Jill- OK]

There are many good, sound, and biblical reasons for not being a hag or a slob. But regarding my husband as a moral midget is not one of them!

 

The OP's SIL wasn't saying a wife has a responsibility to maintain a satisfying relationship with her husband as best she can; she was saying men are weak and it's the wife's responsibility to ensure he never encounters temptation.

 

Let's not confuse the two.

 

Susan

 

Word. Up. :D

Edited May 12, 2009 by Jill, OK

[hillfarm]

Catwoman, so you've met my Grandma????

 

Up way into her 90's she would still wink at the men and comment about how she thought so and so thought she was a hot number.:confused:

 

However, I agree, most of the men couldn't seem to get away from her fast enough!

[Catwoman]

Catwoman, so you've met my Grandma????

 

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Cat

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

yes, if your husband is out boinking prostitutues, or sleeping with his secretary, it must be because your sink was full of dishes, legos were on the floor or you didn't put on your makeup and high-heels before he came home so you could greet him at the door with a cocktail and a kiss.

 

yet another way to make women responsible for men's failings. How very, very sad for the women who believe this.

 

infidelity is not a crime of opportunity. it is a moral failing.

Edited May 12, 2009 by MeanestMomInMidwest

[Joanne]

What a dismal perspective on men, women and marriage.

 

Affairs are not due to temptation. They are issues of character and integrity.

[Oakblossoms]

My husband was raised by women. So, he tends to have the best interest at heart when they talk with him. I have had to remind him that some women will see that as more than he thinks. He just never saw it that way because he understands women pretty well. I do feel like I have to take a stand with that sometimes. So, I guess I guard him, but I don't leash him. I'm not really worried about him per se, just what would the result of how the woman sees it...if that makes any sense.

[OnTheBrink]

:rant:

 

Sorry, but 'Dr. Laura' has no right to tell any one how to behave in a marriage. You are aware that the man she is married to was previously married and she was the other woman he had an affair with? From what I've read and seen, she likes to blame the wife, I assume, so that her husband is blameless for destroying his first marriage by his affair with her. Which, I also assume, has the by-product of leaving her innocent as well.

 

This is my opinion. NO ONE PUT A GUN TO THEIR HEAD!. If a man or woman decide to cheat, it is THEIR decision alone. I don't care how bad a marriage may be. They have choices beyond, and more honorable than, cheating on their spouse! They can seek counselling, they can try to actually talk to their spouse, they can LEAVE! There is NO excuse for being unfaithful. There are always other options available!

 

:rant:

 

Did you miss where I said this:

 

And, I agree; a man's behavior is his own responsibility and choice.

 

I don't particularly appreciate being "ranted" at. Thanks.

[Kelli in TN]

infidelity is not a crime of opportunity. it is a moral failing.

 

 

That sums it up, I believe. That could fit on coffee cup.:cheers2:

[mommaduck]

I think that implying, or assuming that men have no self-control is insulting to men. :glare: There are plenty of men on this planet who are not ruled by their genitals, and who are fully capable of faithfulness.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! :iagree:

[Nestof3]

Actually, the Bible gives the leash responsibility to the man himself. If his eyes cause him to sin, he should pluck them out. Not literally, of course, but it is his responsibility to not walk around Victoria Secret, etc. It is his responsibilty to not lust. It is his responsibility to look away.

 

Now, my husband did ask me early in my marriage to look through the mail and dispose of anything sexual (newspaper ads, car magazines, etc). that came in the mail and for me not to leave lingerie catalogs and such lying around. He is the one that cancelled cable.

 

I think few men have "real life" affairs, but most are tempted to have "thoughts" that would be inappropriate (at least every guy I know has admitted this). It is up to the man himself to control these.

 

I will add that one of the reasons my husband wouldn't hire a female coworker is because he doesn't want to spend more hours of the day in the truck and working with a woman other than his wife. Many of his choices have reasons beyond being able to control his genitals. Some choices have to do with honoring me, some have to do with protecting our emotional relationship, and some have to do with setting up appropriate boundaries for both himself and another woman.

Edited May 12, 2009 by nestof3

[FO4UR]

Actually, the Bible gives the leash responsibility to the man himself. If his eyes cause him to sin, he should pluck them out. Not literally, of course, but it is his responsibility to not walk around Victoria Secret, etc. It is his responsibilty to not lust. It is his responsibility to look away.

 

 

I will add that one of the reasons my husband wouldn't hire a female coworker is because he doesn't want to spend more hours of the day in the truck and working with a woman other than his wife. Many of his choices have reasons beyond being able to control his genitals. Some choices have to do with honoring me, some have to do with protecting our emotional relationship, and some have to do with setting up appropriate boundaries for both himself and another woman.

 

:iagree: I think it's healthy for a couple to establish boundaries *together* about these things. I agree 100% that it's each persons' responsibility to keep their word, and we can't blame our spouse if we fail.

 

A wise man once said, "If you are never alone in a room with another woman (or man...women aren't immune to infidelity), it's almost impossible to have an affair." Sounds simplistic, but true. Not all people can hold to such a strict boundary, but I think each couple needs to talk about that "line" that is never crossed. That "line" might be talking about personal things or communicating through private emails or a myraid of other things....

[Ohdanigirl]

yes, if your husband is out boinking prostitutues, or sleeping with his secretary, it must be because your sink was full of dishes, legos were on the floor or you didn't put on your makeup and high-heels before he came home so you could greet him at the door with a cocktail and a kiss.

 

yet another way to make women responsible for men's failings. How very, very sad for the women who believe this.

 

infidelity is not a crime of opportunity. it is a moral failing.

 

 

I don't thimk that is what anyone is saying. There are many cases where the man is lacking in morals, has no respect for women, thinks he's God's gift, or some other stupid reason. That being said, I have seen the other side. A close family friend was married for over 10 years to a woman I grew up with. She cheated on him, belittled him, spent the house payment money at least once, and was an all around horrible wife. He tried very hard to address the issues he knew about, he says for the kids, but it never worked....and now they are divorced. I wouldn't be surprised if he did find reasons to work late, stay out longer with the kids at the park, avoid her and maybe even cheat on her towards the end.

 

I in no way think that it is right, but it does happen in that way sometimes. Although, not so dramatically....beieve me it was like a live soap opera and we saw it form all sides. It is always sad though. If you marry someone you should give that marriage a chance, not run around.

 

Danielle

[wagnfun]

Am I the only one who's wondering what kind of family the SIL comes from? She doesn't even want her husband around female relatives???

 

What kind of trampy grandma must this woman have, if she can't trust her husband to be alone with her? ;)

 

And how desperate must this poor husband be for affection if he's starting to gaze lustfully at Great Aunt Rose with the frizzy gray perm and the mustache?

 

Just sayin'... :rolleyes:

 

Cat

 

:lol::lol::lol: dang THAT was FUNNY!!! Thanks for the laugh break...

[katemary63]

What a dismal perspective on men, women and marriage.

 

Affairs are not due to temptation. They are issues of character and integrity.

 

:iagree:

 

I do not focus on being a good wife SO THAT MY HUSBAND ISN'T TEMPTED by others. I am in a relationship! My relationship is everything to me. (second to that which I have with God) I focus on our relationship because I have made a committment under God to do so. I adore my husband and want him to be happy. I want what's best for him at all times. I put him above myself because that is what God teaches. My husband does the same for me. We are a team. We are as much one person as two people can be. This has been our goal since the day we married. If he were to cheat on me, it would be as if he stabbed HIMSELF in the heart. And likewise for me. Why would either of us do that?

 

At the risk of being called naive, ( and I have been called this in another thread!) I believe he is totally incapable of cheating on me because of his CHARACTER and INTEGRITY. He has displayed impecable character and integrity for 25 years. He is faithful in all things, large or small and always has been. Was I so sure of him after 3 years of marriage as I am now after 25? Yup. Character and integrity - he has them in spades and always has. He would no more cheat on me then he would lie, steel or murder. ALL these things are abhorant to him.

 

I think there are plenty of men like him. I know lots of them. They are at church, not in the bars. They go to work everyday and come home on time. They read their Bibles everyday because they want to. They care for and nurture their children. They help out in the house, speak with respect and they love their wives and would never cheat on them. I know lots of men like this.

[Rosie_0801]

Catwoman, so you've met my Grandma????

 

Up way into her 90's she would still wink at the men and comment about how she thought so and so thought she was a hot number.:confused:

 

However, I agree, most of the men couldn't seem to get away from her fast enough!

 

My grandma was the same, though she was at least quiet about it. She told me dh had "a cute face" so when he was looking at the pics of her in her 20's, he told her if she'd been a few decades younger he'd have dated her. That made her happy :)

 

Back to the OP: I have enough responsibilities in my life. If I had to police my hubby like that, I wouldn't be with him. It'd be too exhausting.

 

Rosie

[Maria from IN]

 

I will add that one of the reasons my husband wouldn't hire a female coworker is because he doesn't want to spend more hours of the day in the truck and working with a woman other than his wife. Many of his choices have reasons beyond being able to control his genitals. Some choices have to do with honoring me, some have to do with protecting our emotional relationship, and some have to do with setting up appropriate boundaries for both himself and another woman.

 

:iagree:

Along these lines, I have become very conscious of my behavior at work. Some of the talk gets racy, to say the least. I pretend I don't hear it or just participate in work-related conversation when it's going on at the nurse's station. One male supervisor (who's usually the worst!) laughed and mentioned that I must be embarrassed by all that's going on around me because I ignore them when they get like that. I just said, "No, I'm just seeing a man that appreciates the fact that I don't say things like that around other people's husbands."

 

You know when we tell our boys that every girl is someone's sister, daughter, mother, etc. and should be treated with respect? I try to remember that every man is someone's husband, and his wife wouldn't appreciate finding out that female coworkers are slinging such stuff at him from 9 to 5.

 

I do believe it is everyone's responsibility to treat others respectfully, but men are not weak at all.

[Paula in PA]

I don't particularly appreciate being "ranted" at. Thanks.

 

I'm sorry. :blushing: I wasn't ranting at you, it's just a bit of a hot-button topic for me and it's all feeling very close to the surface right now thanks to truly horrendous PMS. I apologize.

[CalicoKat]

This thread has me thinking about a comment my SIL was making eons ago before I was even married into the family. And Sunday she made that comment again. It makes me think she's in the "husband's keeper club."

 

She's always saying how her husband wants her to be skinnny and that it's important to stay trim. Or she'll say, "I'm embarassed to stand in front of my husband neekked when I'm wearing some extra weight." This woman has never been obese. The extra weight may have been a max of 15 lbs, if that, at any point during the last 20 years.

 

Up until Sunday I've kind of taken it as a personal jab since I'm the "traditionally built" woman. :001_smile: This morning I woke up and after 20 years I'm finally thinking that SHE's got the problem, not me.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

My Mexican mother-in-law tried to tell me this when I had been married about 3 years and my first child was an infant. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

[OnTheBrink]

I'm sorry. :blushing: I wasn't ranting at you, it's just a bit of a hot-button topic for me and it's all feeling very close to the surface right now thanks to truly horrendous PMS. I apologize.

 

I understand. I'm a bit edgy myself these days. :grouphug:

[Tami]

In general, I'm not naive enough to believe that I could never have an affair because of my superior moral and ethical character. As a general principle, nobody is perfect, and we can all have weak moments where we do something really, really stupid. I doubt most spouses *intend* to have affairs, but over time, a friendship and rapport develops that leads to more.

 

Neither my husband or I develops friendships with the opposite sex, or spends time alone with the oppposite sex. It's simply a safegaurd that we have to affair-proof our marriage. Probably unnecessary; we have a great relationship. However, all marriages can go through tough times, and seasons where a spouse may be more prone than normal to temptation. We don't police each other, or anything of the sort. We just guard our hearts, minds and bodies closely, and build a life together.

 

I would never put my husband on any sort of leash. However, as his sister in the Lord, I would exhort him to flee from temptation, and to make no provision for the flesh, as Scripture teaches. He is responsible for his own behavior. I expect the same from myself. Women have just as many affairs as men do, after all. I'm no angel, and I'm not naive. :D

[angela in ohio]

In general, I'm not naive enough to believe that I could never have an affair because of my superior moral and ethical character. As a general principle, nobody is perfect, and we can all have weak moments where we do something really, really stupid. I doubt most spouses *intend* to have affairs, but over time, a friendship and rapport develops that leads to more.

 

Neither my husband or I develops friendships with the opposite sex, or spends time alone with the oppposite sex. It's simply a safegaurd that we have to affair-proof our marriage. Probably unnecessary; we have a great relationship. However, all marriages can go through tough times, and seasons where a spouse may be more prone than normal to temptation. We don't police each other, or anything of the sort. We just guard our hearts, minds and bodies closely, and build a life together.

 

I would never put my husband on any sort of leash. However, as his sister in the Lord, I would exhort him to flee from temptation, and to make no provision for the flesh, as Scripture teaches. He is responsible for his own behavior. I expect the same from myself. Women have just as many affairs as men do, after all. I'm no angel, and I'm not naive. :D

 

This is exactly our approach. Our marriage is too vital to our own and our children's (especially) lives to not want to do whatever we can to protect it.

[Danestress]

I think biologically, it's pretty natural for men to want to have sex with other women, even when their wives are gorgeous and a joy to be married to. It is perfectly natural for men to want to have s@x with other women under any circumstances, and seeing as we are all on a bullet train to old age, the day will come when most of our husbands will daily meet women who are far prettier than we are. I'm 42. Do you really think that when I am 60 I can compete with 30 year olds? Of course not. And my husband does now and will always have daily contact with women that age, and he will always be a target for them because he is handsome and earns a good living.

 

So it's just natural that he might be tempted, and it's ridiculous to think I can remove that temptation.

 

And I don't worry about it *at all* because I don't own a responsibility for competing to be the most beautiful as if that will protect me. I can't stay the most beautiful. Actually, I was never in the running, lol. My security as a wife does not depends on my beauty, though I am one to try to stay thin and fit and to look nice and keep a nice house because I know it makes my marriage a nicer place to be. But I do that out of love, not out of fear.

 

The day will come when my husband has a 55 year old wife at home recovering from knee surgery, the house will be a mess, she will be in pain and crabby and crying, a little overweight and a little out of shape and in no mood for fun. And he will deal with that with honor because that's who he is. If he thought the rules of the game changed when things aren't wonderful, I wouldn't have married him.

 

I guess I am saying that while it's natural for a husband to want to stray from a hag-like wife, it's natural for him to want to stray from Angelina Jolie too. I don't notice that men are more faithful to pretty wives or to wives who are nice to them.