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What would you tell someone who found a text on spouse's phone. . .


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#1 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:24 PM

From a neighbor(opposite sex) that only said a date/time range, the name of a hotel and the address?

To clarify, the date/time range is two days, from x to y o'clock.

Edited by Miss Peregrine, 14 August 2016 - 09:29 PM.

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#2 amy g.

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:25 PM

Just show up.
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#3 WendyAndMilo

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:27 PM

I would tell them to say "Hey Spouse! I noticed a text on your phone. You getting together with neighbor? Can I come?!" With a huge naive smile.

But I'm single. Still. So whatever.
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#4 Rosie_0801

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:30 PM

Just show up.

 

Quite possibly with his bag packed and some over the counter medication for nasty rashes he gets sometimes that she'll certainly need to nag him about.



#5 hjffkj

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:32 PM

I'd tell them to just show up at the place. It eliminates any way of them lying about the text
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#6 ifIonlyhadabrain

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:33 PM

I wouldn't say anything, for sure, but show up and find out what's up.
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#7 WendyAndMilo

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:33 PM

Wait. Was it an exact date or a range of dates?

#8 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:42 PM

Wait. Was it an exact date or a range of dates?

Sorry, I know I wasn't clear. It said, August 16 6pm-August 18 4pm.


The spouse who found the text thinks(naively?) that the neighbor couple want someone to watch their dogs while they are away. And surely there is an innocent reason for this and they will feel stupid for jumping to conclusions.

Edited by Miss Peregrine, 14 August 2016 - 09:44 PM.


#9 Scarlett

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:46 PM

Sorry, I know I wasn't clear. It said, August 16 6pm-August 18 4pm.


The spouse who found the text thinks(naively?) that the neighbor couple want someone to watch their dogs while they are away. And surely there is an innocent reason for this and they will feel stupid for jumping to conclusions.


Very odd. I would trust. It verify. Without tipping my hand.

#10 marbel

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:50 PM

I think I would tell them to ask the spouse about it. 

 

Showing up could be useful, except - depending on the size and type of the hotel, the suspicious spouse might arrive a minute too late, and miss them getting into the elevator.  Or whatever. 

 

4pm is a weird checkout time. 


Edited by marbel, 14 August 2016 - 09:51 PM.


#11 zoobie

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:52 PM

Hotel out of town? Is the spouse also going out of town?
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#12 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:53 PM

4pm is a weird checkout time.


Right?

#13 8circles

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:54 PM

I think that sounds really strange and honestly too bizarre to be a hook-up.  What, the neighbor is going to be waiting there for 2 days hoping he'll show up at some point?  Come on.  


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#14 Hyacinth

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:56 PM

Maybe there's some kind of event (convention?) happening at the hotel and neighbor thought spouse would be interested in attending. I'd Google for that possibility first.
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#15 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:57 PM

Hotel out of town? Is the spouse also going out of town?


It's near spouse's work.

#16 Danae

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 09:59 PM

4pm is a weird checkout time.


The time & date range seems like a conference or event.
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#17 sbgrace

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:00 PM

I don't get the range thing fitting an affair unless the spouse is often going away for business or some other something that could be a cover for long get away stuff. Even then the timing is weird. So it's strange.

 

Generally, I would say spouse should investigate a bit without tipping her/his hand when discovering something questionable.

 

edited to add: Hotel is near work? Well then I think investigating would be smart. I hope he/she didn't let the spouse know the text was seen. It will be easier to check things out and watch for future texts if the spouse doesn't know. I hope it's nothing.

 


Edited by sbgrace, 14 August 2016 - 10:02 PM.

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#18 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:00 PM

Maybe there's some kind of event (convention?) happening at the hotel and neighbor thought spouse would be interested in attending. I'd Google for that possibility first.


She's already done that and found nothing of note.

#19 Hyacinth

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:03 PM

Maybe neighbor knows of someone who will be at the hotel then conducting job interviews?

Does this friend have any reason to suspect an affair?
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#20 momto10blessings

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:04 PM

If I was neighbor, I'd say nothing and if dh is away during those times, I would show up. Seeing both their vehicles in the parking lot would be proof enough and they'd have to leave sometime.
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#21 Jean in Newcastle

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:05 PM

Sorry, I know I wasn't clear. It said, August 16 6pm-August 18 4pm.


The spouse who found the text thinks(naively?) that the neighbor couple want someone to watch their dogs while they are away. And surely there is an innocent reason for this and they will feel stupid for jumping to conclusions.

 

Any texts we get show the sender and would show if there was a preliminary text (that this text might be answering).  Did they look to get more information?  That said, I can't imagine my husband just disappearing for two days without me noticing so if there isn't a  planned absence, I would assume an innocent explanation. 


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#22 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:05 PM

I don't get the range thing fitting an affair unless the spouse is often going away for business or some other something that could be a cover for long get away stuff. Even then the timing is weird. So it's strange.

Generally, I would say spouse should investigate a bit without tipping her/his hand when discovering something questionable.

edited to add: Hotel is near work? Well then I think investigating would be smart. I hope he/she didn't let the spouse know the text was seen. It will be easier to check things out and watch for future texts if the spouse doesn't know. I hope it's nothing.


The spouse works in that area and working those days.

#23 Sadie

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:06 PM

If it's bugging her, tell her to ask her dh. Or heck, ask the neighbour.

 

Guessing is pretty pointless.

 

 


Edited by Sadie, 14 August 2016 - 10:07 PM.

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#24 nd293

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:14 PM

I'd show up at the hotel during lunch time or after work (or better yet, ask a third party to). If you have a suspicion, asking is pointless, as no answer is likely to make the suspicion go away.

#25 elroisees

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:15 PM

Quite possibly with his bag packed and some over the counter medication for nasty rashes he gets sometimes that she'll certainly need to nag him about.

Yeah, that was my thought.

 

Maybe we are all reading this terribly wrong!  Maybe he's planning to take his wife out for a few days vacation, and got the neighbor to help him make the reservation so his wife would be surprised?  I hope that's it. 



#26 ifIonlyhadabrain

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:15 PM

So if it was a good friend I'd offer to help do some PI work before and during those days too.
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#27 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:38 PM

Any texts we get show the sender and would show if there was a preliminary text (that this text might be answering). Did they look to get more information? That said, I can't imagine my husband just disappearing for two days without me noticing so if there isn't a planned absence, I would assume an innocent explanation.


The only other text was the spouse's reply, "Sweet."

#28 zoobie

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:40 PM

The only other text was the spouse's reply, "Sweet."


Does spouse normally clean out his text history? Seems like there should've been contact prior to this point, even if it's about feeding their dog.
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#29 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:42 PM

Does spouse normally clean out his text history? Seems like there should've been contact prior to this point, even if it's about feeding their dog.


Yes. Text has been deleted but not any others from this week.

Edited by Miss Peregrine, 14 August 2016 - 10:42 PM.


#30 CPSTAnne

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:48 PM

Yes. Text has been deleted but not any others from this week.

This would be suspicious to me. If I clean out my texts, I tend to do all of them at once. If there was prior conversation about something innocent, it wouldn't have been targeted for deletion apart from the rest. 


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#31 8circles

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:50 PM

"Hey DH - what's going on this week at the Holiday Inn Express with neighbor Sue?"


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#32 maize

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:51 PM

Does the wife have access to husband's cell phone account online? I'd check there for any records of other contact.

 

(Maybe I'd call the hotel pretending to be neighbor and ask to verify my reservation...) though really I would google around for possible events at that hotel. And if I was really suspicious I'd look into hiring a private investigator.

 

If it were my dh I'd probably just ask him, but I don't know other people's dynamic. 

 

 


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#33 ifIonlyhadabrain

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:54 PM

I think I would tell them to ask the spouse about it.

Showing up could be useful, except - depending on the size and type of the hotel, the suspicious spouse might arrive a minute too late, and miss them getting into the elevator. Or whatever.

4pm is a weird checkout time.


Personally, I would try but not be too worried about not catching someone "in time". From my limited secondhand experience, lying and covering up rather than fessing up is the MO . So much trauma the whole denial Saga.

#34 Scarlett

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:56 PM

Clearly the spouse is suspicious. I would encourage her to investigate so she can lay to rest her fears. Or confirm her fears. But I dont do well with not knowing. Clearly.
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#35 Moxie

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 10:58 PM

If I really thought something hinky was going on, I'd hire a PI to stake out the place and get the evidence. But, the two day thing is strange and makes me think there isn't an affair. Has she called the hotel to see if they have any events? But, why is she suspicious?? If I saw a text from the neighbor on DH's phone, I wouldn't assume anything bad. The fact that she does needs to be addressed.
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#36 happypamama

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:02 PM

From a work colleague?  I wouldn't worry about it, unless I had some other reason to be concerned.

 

From a neighbor?  Unless I could think of some other reasonable explanation, I'd just ask.  Unless I thought there might be a chance that the neighbor was helping to plan a surprise for me.



#37 Garga

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:05 PM

I'm not sure going to the hotel would work. I guess there would be cars in the parking lot. But if they were in a room, the odds of finding them would be small.

The wife could call her dh's company on those days and ask to speak with him to see if he called in sick or took vacation those days. But he might not call in sick. He might just take a long lunch break and meet the neighbor for a short time and not the entire two days.

I wonder if he'd tell the truth if asked, or if he thought ahead for a cover story. If she asks, he'd give the cover story. Asking can have three results: he tells the truth and it's bad news. He tells the truth and there's a reasonable explantion. He lies.

If she thinks he'll lie, I suppose she'd have to go to the hotel and sit in the lobby from about an hour before the start time and see who shows up. The neighbor might show up first and the hubby might not show up until a lunch break, though.

If she asks him and he lies, then the rendevous will be cancelled and there would be no point in going to the hotel.

It sounds suspicious, the way only those texts are deleted.

Edited by Garga, 14 August 2016 - 11:09 PM.

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#38 abcmommy

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:08 PM

you do not usually have a 2 day romantic fling from 6 pm to 4 pm tho... 

 

I think she needs to ask.  Communication is key to a healthy relationship


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#39 Bethany Grace

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:08 PM

I'd ask dh directly. But, my Dh is terrible at lying, so he wouldn't be able to hide anything. If he were a good liar, or I really suspected something going on, I'd do more investigating.

#40 ifIonlyhadabrain

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:12 PM

If someone is cheating, there are most likely already cover stories in place. A friend, who just simply asked, was snowed for years by her dh who always had a logical reason why my friend was crazy to believe he would cheat on her. She was always so reassured and appreciated how much he would shower her with time and attention after these misunderstanding. Ick.
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#41 maize

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:17 PM

Put a GPS tracking device on his car?

It does sound suspicious to me. Enough so that I would want to know more. And I'd want to do some independent investigation if I thought there was any chance my husband would lie to me.
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#42 8circles

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:18 PM

The only other text was the spouse's reply, "Sweet."

 

That's what my DH says when he finds some long-lost object in his junk-drawer (no pun intended).

 

Clearly there are already issues in this marriage because I don't see how these texts point to cheating.  There has to be a lot more to this situation.


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#43 madteaparty

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:19 PM

If someone is cheating, there are most likely already cover stories in place. A friend, who just simply asked, was snowed for years by her dh who always had a logical reason why my friend was crazy to believe he would cheat on her. She was always so reassured and appreciated how much he would shower her with time and attention after these misunderstanding. Ick.

This is called gaslighting and it is very damaging. I'd read the definition early and often if she decides to confront.
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#44 PinkyandtheBrains.

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:19 PM

"Hey DH - what's going on this week at the Holiday Inn Express with neighbor Sue?"


This seems the best plan.

#45 Scarlett

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:21 PM

Yeah........asking a non cheater to explain a suspicious text is great. Asking a cheater to explain is just asking for them to make up a good story,

Trust but verify.

My best friend.......after ten years of marriage to a wonderful young man.....got a call that said....your husband is cheating on you. If I had received that call......I would have gone all out to prove it one way or the other. What did she do? Nothing. She told no one. She did notice that when he said he was going to play basketball with his friends he had on non basketball shoes.
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#46 Janeway

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:23 PM

If the spouse says he is out of town for a couple days, the 6pm to 4pm two days later actually does add up to times where he could go to work and then meet at the hotel at 6pm, after work, and then be there until 4pm a couple days later when they leave and pretend to just be getting back from the business thing. Not sure. But it is very odd. I think I would stay quiet, and make very deliberate plans for during that time and see if spouse objects. So, for example, have friends over every night so spouse needs to be home by then, or, make plans for dinner with a friend who he has to be home with the kids, or just a date out with the spouse. Anything to force the spouse to commit to being home on those nights and see if he tries to get out of it.



#47 Janeway

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:26 PM

I would turn family map on on the phone. I would do it while the phone is home too, so that she can quickly delete the message that gets sent to the phone to remind the phone that it is being tracked. IF it is an iPhone, I would try to track the phone there, from find my iPhone. But you have to make sure location is turned on on the phone. If I had a spare phone, I would accidentally leave it in the car, where he does not see it, on the day of the hotel dates.


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#48 SproutMamaK

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:36 PM

I would check in to the cost of hiring a PI on those two days. Alternatively, I would put some form of discreet GPS tracking in his vehicle. I would be encourage her to be realistic about this. Deleted texts about hours at a hotel room do not come from arrangements for pet-sitting.


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#49 Miss Peregrine

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:39 PM

The wife is suspicious because the husband has a pattern of accusing her of being unfaithful, which is in itself cheater behavior.
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#50 SproutMamaK

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Posted 14 August 2016 - 11:42 PM

The wife is suspicious because the husband has a pattern of accusing her of being unfaithful, which is in itself cheater behavior.

I'm actually glad she's suspicious. The fact that she was trying to explain it as arranging pet-sitting made me think she was unwilling to consider the possibility it might be cheating. The fact that he deleted the text makes it so much worse. I would support her in being realistic about what she should expect to find. :(


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