Curious about how long folks homeschool in your circles...?

[G5052]

In the last week THREE good friends have told me that they are seriously considering sending their kids to the classroom for 6th or 7th grade because they are having problems keeping their pre-teens on track and they feel that they're falling behind. All have been touring the local public and private schools for the last few months. This sort of took me by surprise because all of these ladies have been on homeschool boards and various committees with me over the last seven years, and I sort figured we'd all be homeschooling together to the end. Our family is still loving it, and are on track academically. Quitting isn't on my radar at all I guess, but it's a huge issue with them of course.

 

Do a lot of folks drop out at this age? I really hadn't thought about this before.

[Plaid Dad]

I know some people who homeschool through 8th grade and then send their children to school, either private or public. I wouldn't say it's the norm here, but it's not uncommon either.

[Rhondabee]

Well, I've known some people to homeschool during the early years, and then about 4th or 5th put them in public school.

 

But, at my church there are two moms who have homeschooled two kids each all the way through. They both used ABeka, and certainly they do not have/did not have the stress I have planning and always questioning if what I'm doing is on-grade-level, or below, or pushing too hard - and I'm only doing 7th this year (and no, I don't know how to reply w/o Quick Reply and no, I don't know how to insert a smilie here, but if I did I would!).

 

What worries me is that their kids are not high performers. One is taking classes part-time while at home. Two went to a Christian college which automatically accepts homeschoolers, and sounds kind of - I don't know - It just doesn't sound prestigious at all, IYKWIM. One isn't going to college at all, and doesn't have a job of any sort yet - and she graduated last year. I'm worried that if I do choose to homeschool for high school, and I only do as good as job as they did, that I will have short-changed my kids.

 

We live in one of the best districts, and have a "great" high school. In fact, we really ought to sell our house and move to a less-desirable district to save $$ on the mortgage each month. But, we won't because we just can't rule out public school right now.

[Karen in CO]

I have several friends who have taken their kids at least through 11th grade and are planning to continue. I know a couple who put theirs in ps for high school. I know some who have graduated some from high school. There is a new Early College High School here that recruited homeschoolers heavily when it first started - it didn't just want to be full of drop outs. I know many moms who were wooed by the state paying for dual enrollment classes and put them in the early college program.

 

Most that I know seem to really take the high school years one year at a time.

[Brigitte]

A lot of people seem to be "bailing out" at 7th grade in my "circle." It is mostly those with girls and they are opting for an all girls private school that is rather trendy. They wear uniforms, but call teachers by their first name. It makes me sad and cringe at the same time. These were families that I looked up to....good thing we are moving....

[Rebel]

Many, many here send their children to high school. My ds will attend high school over my dead body.

[74Heaven]

This kind of separated the wheat from the chaff so to speak. (I don't mean that in a judgmental way for those who are pleased with a public school-linked education for their child. I just mean that the parents who chose the school-district option had different needs, desires, problems, goals and/or convictions then we do. And frankly, some of them were just wore out, frustrated or burned out.) Thus, although our homeschool group is inclusive and includes those who are part of public school home partnership programs - besides that, (within our homeschool group) we are blessed with a core group of about 20 families who are pretty much intent on homeschooling through high school.

 

If it weren't for the 50% or so who moved to public school programs 5 years ago, I'm guessing many of those families would be exiting to high schools now. And I might be feeling like you do. But I went thru that 5 years ago!

 

But as it is, our core group of people committed to homeschooling to the end of high school have become more interdependent, supportive and cohesive. I feel esp. blessed by those who are ahead of me in this journey.

 

Interestingly, our small local rural school district has about 1500 students - 5 years ago, I (from my own acquaintance lists) guessed that about 200-300 students in this district (minimum) were homeschooling (legal status as unaffiliated with the school district) - which blew me away - that as many as 10-20% of students in *this* district were homeschooling. Anyway, after the district homelink public school program opened, there was a huge interest and currently I think there are about 300-400 students in the HomeParent partnership program. And still another 100 or so (at least, I would guess) homeschooling w/o any district programs.

 

lisaj, there are days tho :)

[Diann]

Well, my circle isn't very large, but I've noticed a mix. Most of the parents are homeschooling through high school. Some have had their children start high school, only to come back home. Others have had their children in ps then begin homeschooling in high school. So, maybe, it just depends on your circle. I don't think there is a "norm".

 

Diann

[ncmomo3]

I'd say about <25% send them to jr. or high school. The rest of us are in for the duration.

[Joanne]

I've observed sending kids to school upon Jr or Sr High to be fairly common among homeschoolers.

 

It's a combination of factors, IMO.

 

1) Academic requirements often overwhelm parents

2) Symbols of "socialization" and cultural rites of passage start occuring those years in "school"

3) Hormones, mood swings, age expected developmental issues descend upon the family. This is not, IMO, a reason to abandon homeschooling. But, with "institutional school" always looming as the default option, it becomes a solution.

4) Mom is often tired, overwhelmed and suffering from years of inadequate self care

5) Budget. Often, mid life career and budget challenges, after years of one income stress the family and the solution is for mom to work for income

 

I wish more homeschooling families.....well, I wish it were ok in homeschooling circles to be stalwartly for homeschooling throughout and less "whatever works".

 

I've observed "whatever works" sabbotages homeschooling settings that could have worked; similar to "breastfeeding is best, but formula is fine" sabbotages breastfeeding.

[Amy in NH]

Three of my close homeschooling friends put their kids in school in the last two years:

 

One put her three oldest in public school;a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a sixth grader, but she kept her younger students home

 

One put her fourth and seventh graders in private school.

 

One put her third and fifth graders in public school, but she lives in a community with a truly good elementary school (not that it's any consolation, nor would it be my choice).

 

I think I know only a handful, now, who are homeschooling kids older than third grade. And they aren't especially close friends, which leaves my older kids without any homeschooling *friends* IYKWIM. The only people I know who have homeschooled all the way through live in other parts of the state.

[Sharon H in IL]

There seems to be a wide range here. I knew one family whose daughter took high school classes at the local public school part-time and homeschooled the rest. But the vast majority of families I know have very young children, so the junior high/high school issue hasn't arisen for most.

[8filltheheart]

Everyone I know has continued through high school graduation. As a matter of fact when we made the decision to put child #2 in this semester, several were horrified that I would send him to school.

 

I managed to graduate one very successfully. I don't have any plans on sending any of the others to school. But, and this is a huge **but**, if I ever feel that homeschooling is more detrimental than beneficial to any of my subsequent children, then I will send them as well. All children are different and have different needs. There is no perfect single answer to the question.

 

I know a couple of children that I think have been done a serious injustice b/c they are still homeschooling. Their mother doesn't make them do any work and they don't. Neither one has any aspirations for their future. I personally think it is sad. These young men have huge potential and someone out there might have sparked their interest in a future instead of her saying she is just going to let them finish 1/2 of their math books and let them graduate.

[Kate CA]

Most of my friends homeschool all the way through. It is not common here to send them to public or private - at least within my circle.

 

I would think that is just the time they need us the most, honestly.

 

Warmly,

Kate

[Jenny in Atl]

Seems around my parts most go all the way and then the kids go to college. I have known a few who put their kids in school (jr or sr. high). Most because the kids really wanted to go or that mom had to go back to work.

[Jennifer in MI]

Quite honestly, I don't have any friends IRL who homeschool!! You guys are it! (But I choose not to join HS groups.) So far, I'm not sending my kids to school!

 

I did, however meet someone last week who posts here whose kids were homeschooled through HS and I can't tell you what an inspiration she was to me!! We were at Disney and just talking and found out that we "knew" each other on these boards. What fun!! (Sorry for the diversion - just an interesting story!)

[jail warden]

I don't know for sure yet. I have a couple of friends say that they plan on sending them in Jr. High or High School for sports etc. My oldest is only in 2nd so there's not a long history yet, although a few have already dropped out of the group and sent their kids to school. My two closest friends will be there for a while! Hey Jean in IN and KIN!:D

[Crissy]

It's a mixed bag. Some start adding outside classes in jr. high, others dive right into public high school. Some others will homeschool every class, every day all the way through.

[chai]

Lately, I've noticed a lot of people who take their kids out of public school for a year or two to get them through a tough time and then put them back in.

 

I don't know many people who have homeschooled all the way through high school yet. I tend to hang around with people who have children at the same stage as my own. I sure hope they keep going with me.

[G5052]

I wish more homeschooling families.....well, I wish it were ok in homeschooling circles to be stalwartly for homeschooling throughout and less "whatever works".

 

I've observed "whatever works" sabbotages homeschooling settings that could have worked; similar to "breastfeeding is best, but formula is fine" sabbotages breastfeeding.

 

Thanks all. Joanne's quote above especially helps me understand. In the end, different people have different levels of committment and sometime other issues press, and I do want to respect that. We are certainly in the "stalwartly" camp though. Thankfully we do have other homeschooling friends in the area who do plan to keep on, but these were closer geographically and it just sort of came up on me suddenly.

[Sandy in Indy]

My ds will attend high school over my dead body.

 

That's how I feel about it. I know many families feel it best to send their dc to ps, but I think that's the most important time to homeschool!

 

And my oldest is now at the same private university I went to, and she got a large ACADEMIC scholarship to go there. I'm anticipating that my son will attend another private school also here in Indy for pharmacy school.

[EKS]

A lot of people around here seem to drop out in 5th or 7th, and virtually all by high school. I know there are some that homeschool high school here, but they are rare.

[Amy in Orlando]

I've noticed a lot of people sending their kids to high school, but also an almost equal amount pulling their kids out of jr high and high school.

[JWSJ]

Hopefully, my dc will start community college when they'd usually start high school. The local CC allows students to start at 16yo without issue and before 16yo with a decent justification.

 

In ten years, I hope there are many as young in community college so my dc will have some agemates in the same situation.

 

But placing my dc in a normal high school situation gives me the creeps. And I'm not referring to the education level. The social environment/situation of most middle and high schools is disturbing. Why place my dc in an environment that is questionable at best? Seemingly to them, it would be like I approve of the environment.

 

Many people I've spoken with suggest I'm overreacting - that high schools are not bad social environments. High school was very disturbing to my spouse and me as teenagers. The experience was not positive at all. My spouse has taught elementary, middle, and high school. We both agree that we're not willing to take the chance of the local high school social environment.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

Do a lot of folks drop out at this age? I really hadn't thought about this before.

 

I don't think I actually have a circle, except for you guys. I pulled our dd out for middle school. I couldn't even remotely meet her needs for high school, so off she went. I will probably try to make sure the last dd misses the middle school "experience" as well, no matter what she does for elementary or high school.

 

I'm never going to shortchange my kids just because I'm too stubborn to re-evaluate the effectiveness of what they're doing year by year. (And this means being willing to pull them out of institutional school situations that on the surface look perfect, as well as terminating temporarily or permanently a home education model.) So while it may look like I'm not committed to homeschooling, I'm not sure that's true. While I'm homeschooling, I do it thoroughly and single-mindedly and well. My commitment just looks different from others'. And the commitment is for the best thing for the child. *shrug*

 

While I agree with the formula/breastfeeding analogy, I'm not sure it applies across the board to homeschooling/institutional schooling. (Much as I hate to disagree even a tiny bit with Joanne!)

[dragons in the flower bed]

We both agree that we're not willing to take the chance of the local high school social environment.

 

 

I agree as well. I don't feel classrooms are healthy spaces. Homeschooling is my first choice, unschooling is my back-up plan, and being forced to resort to classroom schooling would be treated like an emergency in my family.

 

Of course I think it is lousy to condemn parents who are okay with institutional schools, but I wish it was acceptable in my local circles to be just vocal enough about my view to find other hs'ers who feel the same way I do.

[Ellie]

it seems to be more common among people who started later to send their dc to school at the high school level. I don't understand why that would be, but there it is.

[Diana in OR]

I agree with Pam "SFSOM". For me it's always been about what's best for my dc. I resisted enrolling ds in 9th grade ps this year, but it has absolutely been the best decision for him. It would not have been the best decision for him any earlier than high school.

 

I will probably put my younger ds in ps next year, in 7th grade. I have many reasons for this--probably a combination of some of those Joanne listed. However, I don't feel my job in making sure my dc receive a decent education is finished until they graduate high school and move on to higher things and start their own lives. Even then, I will support them through their post-secondary schooling as much as I can. Until then, our schooling choices will always be up for re-evaluation.

 

In my hs group, I would say maybe 25% enroll their dc in school at some point. I think there are more who would consider it if it were the best option or they had no other choice. The rest are hsing for the duration.

[kat19]

Here most keep their kids home until graduation

 

I have heard of very few that send them to high school.

 

I am hoping to never have to send my kids back to public school :D

[Tia in Wa]

Everyone I have ever asked intends to hs all the way or already has.

[ArwenA]

I've met lots of different people. I've found that Christians generally say they will homeschool through high school. This may be because there is only one Christian high school which is on the outskirts of town and is Catholic.

The secular folk seem to be less certain about homeschooling in high school. There are still lots but most start school in 8th or 9th.

[Jann in TX]

Unfortunately I do feel 'looked down upon' but many (way too many) homeschoolers because I have 'sunk to the low of sending my children to public school...especially my precious baby who is in K!

 

I have had more support of homeschooling my older dd from PS moms than I've had support for sending my other two to public school from homeschool moms.

 

I sent my middle dd to PS starting in 6th grade---yes, Jr. High. I was a PS teacher at a Jr High so I knew just how hard it could be--know what? She did amazingly well--in fact she flourished! She is now in 9th grade--and is still doing great...but she knows (and often we talk about) that she is free to come home if her situation ever changes (school not meeting her needs or if it becomes a bad influence).

 

It has been a very good choice for us to send our baby to PS for K. Her teacher is one the wife of one of our pastors (someone who prays for dd and her classmates every day--and it shows!). I've had some very special time to spend with my oldest dd (17).

 

I AM involved with my other 2 dd's education--I'm just not the principal teacher--but DH and I are still responsible.

 

I know families who have homeschooled all the way through and their children have grown to be wonderful adults. I also know families who homeschool all the way through and their children are on welfare...

 

DH and I believe that we are responsible to oversee the education of our children. Our oldest 2 have experienced public, private and home schools. We are blessed to have so many choices --we can taylor the education of our children to their needs and the needs of our family.

[8filltheheart]

I'm never going to shortchange my kids just because I'm too stubborn to re-evaluate the effectiveness of what they're doing year by year. (And this means being willing to pull them out of institutional school situations that on the surface look perfect, as well as terminating temporarily or permanently a home education model.) So while it may look like I'm not committed to homeschooling, I'm not sure that's true. While I'm homeschooling, I do it thoroughly and single-mindedly and well. My commitment just looks different from others'. And the commitment is for the best thing for the child. *shrug*

 

While I agree with the formula/breastfeeding analogy, I'm not sure it applies across the board to homeschooling/institutional schooling. (Much as I hate to disagree even a tiny bit with Joanne!)

 

I totally agree with this statement Pam. I have been homeschooling for 14 1/2 yrs and have graduated one from our homeschool. I AM COMMITTED to homeschooling. HOWEVER, it became very obvious that our 15 yos was not thriving in our homeschool. He was becoming more and more depressed. He was withdrawing from all relationships and locking himself in his room for hours on end.

 

Our ds is extremely intelligent. No matter what outsourced classes I tried to enroll him in, he was never challenged. I am convinced that is what lead to his boredom and MANY subsequent behavioral issues.

 

My point is simple......NEVER SAY NEVER. ;) Homeschooling is a wonderful option. One I love and plan on doing for about another 17 yrs or so! But.....if and when the negative aspects of homeschooling outweigh the positives (and there are homes/children/educational standards/moms where this is definitely true), then it is in the best interest of the child to re-evaluate the situation and decide if other educational options might serve the child better.

 

And in comparison to the breastfeeding analogy.....if the mother's milk supply was low and no matter what was done to boost the supply and the baby was still not receiving enough nutrition.......would you encourage the mother to continue breastfeeding while the baby starved and didn't thrive? Or would you encourage the mother to try various methods to supplement/boost the baby's nutritional needs? Breastfeeding is a wonderful option (hey, I breastfed all 7 of mine until they were almost 2!!) Yet, I have a friend who with her #10 could not boost her milk supply enough to nourish her baby. Sometimes, what we don't think is the best, actually is.

[Bee]

We don't belong to a hs group now so I couldn't say exactly.I am on their e-mail list though.It would appear that there are more families hsing elementary aged children than teens.We run in to more people hsing young children than older ones.Families change,circumstances change;we have to accept that people don't always follow the path that we think is the right one (I keep telling myself that!).

Actually the comment I hate most is when some well meaning acquaintance who knows we hs says "So-and so put her children in school this year and they are doing so well and they are all so happy now."What am I (who believes so strongly that hsing really is best for most children)supposed to say to that?

[8filltheheart]

we have to accept that people don't always follow the path that we think is the right one (I keep telling myself that!).

Actually the comment I hate most is when some well meaning acquaintance who knows we hs says "So-and so put her children in school this year and they are doing so well and they are all so happy now."What am I (who believes so strongly that hsing really is best for most children)supposed to say to that?

 

What is right for one family, may not be right for another. :)

 

How about replying, "I am so glad for the children and the family. It must be the educational approach that works well for their family."

[Baseballmom]

I would say that most families in my area homeschool through highschool. A good friend of mine, put her oldest children in school in 8th grade, as she felt incompetent to teach higher grades ( I feel the same way.) After her children graduated from highschool they told her that it would have been better to have never homeschooled or to have homeschooled all the way through. They felt lost going to school so late. (but, each child is different and many will do well in the same situation) They were just different. Not in a bad way, but not concerned with things that other public school children were concerned with (I do know many well adjusted, public school kids, as well as many homeschooled kids who struggle with worldly issues, no judgement intended.) She now has the confidence to teach her next set of children, one in 11th grade and one in 10th grade. They are both doing very well. One day academy's are also very big in this area for highschool. Most of the families I know outsource at least two classes for highschool. We personally plan to homeschool through highschool, but who knows what they Lord has planned for us tomorrow. Like many other posters, I will never say never!

[Paz]

Here many send them back in high school (8th or 9th grade). Many also homeschool all the way through but their kids take 11th & 12th at our local community college. My ds went back in 8th because we moved here when he was in 7th and he was very social and having a difficult time finding friends. He is a senior this year and has matured beyond the whole high school scene so he is taking his last semester schedule as duel enrollment.

I will probably start having dd take some community classes next year (10th grade).

 

Where we used to live in PA most families who homeschooled did so the whole way through.

[Tami]

{}

[Mx5]

Do a lot of folks drop out at this age? I really hadn't thought about this before.

 

I disagree with what the norm is here. My reasons for homeschooling haven't changed because my kids have gotten older. In fact, I find it easier to homeschool high schoolers because they are independent learners. They love the flexible schedule, and I love watching them grow up without all the junk associated with the typical high school experience. Oh, and for what it's worth, the only reason people suspect that my kids are hs'ed is because they are polite and engaging. They don't "look" the part. :)

 

For the record, I am an eclectic, relaxed homeschooler. I have refused to the the whole "school at home" thing, but that's another story, and it's probably not the popular view on a classical ed. board. :cool:

[Tammyla]

My dh and I evaluate each year what's best for each of our kids. We would do this no matter where they were enrolled, public school, private school or homeschooling.

 

The numbers do drop off around middle school here as well as our former state. Here there are a number of laws & requirements to homeschool.

[LaMere Academy]

Quite a few of our friends stopped homeschooling around the middle school years too. It was sad to me.

We're going all the way through high school with all of our children and I have other friends who are going the distance too, so it's nice to not be alone.

[Rhondabee]

Well, I think it is fine to be "stalwart" about homeschooling all the way through for yourself. But, it seems very judgmental, and a bit intimidating, to assume that everyone who ever started homeschooling *should* homeschool all the way through. (I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "Please don't should on me!") =)

 

Of course, we all come with our own perspectives and experiences. But, many times I have found that when I *wanted*, I mean really, really *wanted* to do the "Best" thing (natural child-birth and homeschooling and even breast-feeding come to mind), God placed me in circumstances that humbled me, and I couldn't.

 

I know you didn't mean it this way, but for someone to imply that if I had just tried harder, I could have, hurts.

[StaceyinLA]

and, maybe because of our circles, and the friends we have chosen, most of those close to us are home schooling all the way through. I have only known 2 or 3 folks personally who sent kids back to school.

 

We have graduated one, have 2 high schoolers and a middle schooler. We certainly plan on finishing what we started. That said, I would never totally rule out a school situation (though we don't have a ps option at ALL-we'd have to go private) just because I have reached a point in my life where I realize that I should never say never.

 

And, though I have things that I certainly think are better than others (home schooling, natural childbirth, breastfeeding, attachment parenting), I have learned that I can't judge people for making different choices than I have made.

[OnTheBrink]

In my circle, everyone home schools through high school graduation. I don't personally know anyone who's put their kids in public or private school once they started home schooling.

[Doran]

We live in a small community, so it's not hard to imagine that the homeschooling community is smaller still. The air at the top is unbelievably thin. For example, in our homeschooling co-op, there is a preponderance of children in nursery and pre-K. The K-4 group is also quite strong. But, the number of 5th and 6th graders is slender, at best. By the time you get to the 8th graders, and up, we're down to five kids. FIVE! And, they range in age from 12 to 16, which is a huge difference in and of itself.

 

A fellow homeschooling mother and I have tried to help impress on parents of those younger children how critical it is to support and start programs for older children, so that the framework is there when their children get to be that age. But, it's difficult to be that farsighted. The upshot is, there is virtually no homeschool community for high school age students in this area. And, that's not a good thing for a teen. There is a high school tutorial which is an hour's drive from here. They meet once a week, and I have considered it for next year. But, I will freely admit that we are strongly considering allowing our oldest to go to the public high school next year. It is within walking and/or biking distance from our home. And, she has been expressing interest since 7th grade. We postponed back then with the conviction that middle school was not the right time to send a child back to school. But, now? I don't have the same conviction, I don't feel that I can completely deny her wishes, and I don't know that she will not thrive in that setting. None of us knows.

 

Of course, I'm scared for all of us. I fear it will irrevocably alter our family dynamic. I fear how it will affect the younger, more social child who will be at home "alone". I fear the monotony of the ps routine, and the influence of the kids there. But, I can't live by those fears, and neither should my dd.

 

So...back to the OP's original question. Yes, I absolutely believe that the ranks thin out the older kids get. In our case, I wish there was more infrastructure available to us that could offer some sort of meeting in the middle to satisfy my dd's social curiosity (natural at her age) and her strong desire for academic challenge (slightly atypical and not a good fit for the public school model).

 

Doran

[FloridaLisa]

Interesting thread. In my *original* homeschool group, the families with whom I started 9 years ago when our oldest were in 1st, nearly 50% have sent their children to jr. high or high school. Mixed reasons: divorce, medical issues with a parent, and a combination of a *good* public school with the daunting work of homeschooling through high school. At times, I'm a bit saddened. But who of us can predict all of our life choices? I would never have thought I'd be homeshooling in the first place! So, while I miss the tight circle, the like-minded friends and the wide swath of homeschooling peers for my dc, I stay committed to the path to which we were called for now . . . always knowing God could call me elsewhere! :)

 

Lisa

[Antonia]

Here in CT, our community colleges are very homeschool-friendly, so in my particular homeschool group many of the kids are starting college by age 13 or so. Lots of them are taking all their classes at cc by the time they're juniors in high school, so homeschooling per se effectively ends then.

[Rhondabee]

We're in 7th, and ds just expressed his desire to go to school - in part, because he wants me to be his mom and quit studying ALL the time. In part, because he is a very social person (not really an extrovert, but he really connects to people).

 

I could absolutely ditto everything you say, other than I *do* think my dc would probably be MORE academically challenged at our public school than at home (for high school). Of course, it's hard to compare schools! But, with 4 different "tracks" to choose from for each class, I know he could tailor his schedule to be in classes with other kids who are right at his level - so he wouldn't be the smartest, or at the bottom. I do have to wonder if the comraderie of the class might not spur him on to do more than he would do for me.

[erica471]

I see many people stopping homeschool as junior high approaches. I am actually 1/2 time homeschooling and Dd goes to family school 1/2 time. The family school here continues until 8th grade. I plan on doing that but know that things change. In my mind's eye I see us staying with family school until 8th grade and then enrolling in a more formal virutal school (probably Seton) at that point.

If something were to happen like illness financial hardship we'd have to reevaluate this, too. I really hope that Dd will never have to go to the local public high school, but I just don't know what the future holds.

[Rhondabee]

What is a "family school"? I've never heard of that.