SAHM: How many of you get up with your husband in the morning

[paulcindy]

My other post was deleted so thank you to all who have contrubuted an offered advice. You ladies are terrific:)

[Tap]

We have always had different work schedules and sleep cycles, so no, we don't/haven't really ever gone to bed/got up in the morning together.

 

He goes to bed hours before I do, so when he goes to bed at night I will go sit on the bed with him and we talk for a half hour or so. It gives us a chance to talk without kids and interruptions.

Edited March 25, 2009 by Tap, tap, tap

[Susan in KY]

My husband gets up between 4:30 and 5:00 (depending on whether he decides to run or not), and leaves for work about 5:45. I get up around 5:30 to drink a cup of coffee with him and chat for a minute before he leaves.

 

He hasn't always left this early. He took this job three years ago, and I chose to get up with him then. I did this because when I worked I hated getting up and leaving while everyone was still asleep. I think it's terribly depressing, and I didn't want him to have him do it every morning.

 

On Saturdays, he leaves before 7 am for Bible Study. He's on his own on Saturdays. I sleep in. :)

 

He has continually expressed how much he appreciates this. We don't get to talk a lot, but it's nice to have a few words in the morning when he's at his best and the kids aren't around. Then, when he leaves, I have plenty of time to do what I want to do before the kids wake up.

 

I'm a night owl by nature, so this is hard for me. I had to completely change my thinking. I used to get my alone time at night after everyone else went to bed. Now I make myself go to bed, and look forward to my alone time in the morning. I still stay up too late sometimes, but not as often. And it's relative. Now staying up too late is staying up until midnight. It used to mean staying up until three.

 

I've really come to treasure my quiet mornings.

 

Well put!

[SnowWhite]

I have a terrible time sleeping at night.

 

<snip>

sometimes I am in bed until 9-10 am in the morning because I just cannot sleep at night(I am seeing a Dr for this).

 

I guess I just needed to vent a little and I am tired, (lack of sleep last night fell asleep finally at 2 am and up at 7:30).

 

THanks for listening

 

((hugs)) to you.

 

Just a bit of comfort... maybe if you get up early, and you're still tired because you didn't sleep as much at night, once you finish school maybe you could get a nap.

 

I'm sorry you're having a tough time sleeping now. Hope the doc can figure out how to help you.

[HRAAB]

Dh usually gets up between 4:30 to 5:00 AM, and I get his breakfast and lunch while he showers. If I'm really tired for some reason, I will go back to bed, but usually I stay up.

 

I get up with him because I want to; I like to see him off in the morning with a kiss and make sure he has something decent to eat. He doesn't expect me to get up so early, but I know he appreciates it.

 

Wanted to add that if he expected it or required it of me, it probably wouldn't be done with the same love and willingness on my part. We are each adults and are responsible adults. He trusts me to attend to my responsibilities, and I trust him to do likewise.

 

Janet

Edited March 25, 2009 by Ishki

[jonesloonybin]

My husband gets up at 5am and has some awesome ninja skills, so he does not wake me up. (What a sweetie). But he knows that I battle insomnia and early morning is my best sleeping time. We usually go to bed at the same time (we like to do our talking during that time). There are times though that I stay up to read or such. And when I take my sleeping pills (rarely) I might end up in bed first.

 

As far a require...A few days of my morning grumpiness and I think he would "suggest" that I stay in bed. I do set my alarm for 8am though so I can get up before the girls and have my "wake-up" time.

 

PS: I have been in the mood to use "" these more since reading that thread about punctuation marks...:lol:

[coralloyd]

We always go to bed together, between 10-11 (I can't go to sleep very easily if he is not there).

 

I wake up first at about 6, to have some alone time to read, journal, etc..(sometime the baby wakes up at this time also).

My dh wakes up at 7 (he works at home); our girl call for him in the monitor (they are not allowed to call until thier clock says 7 ;)). He goes and gets them, then makes coffee. He comes and sits in the chair across from me, and we talk till about 8. The kids watch cartoons during this time; so we are not constantly interupted. This is really their only tv time. At 8 he heads into his office. We take our showers somewhere between 9-11 :blush:, switching off.

[Reya]

When they leave for work? (If they work early in the morning). Or do you stay in bed until you are ready to get up?

 

Does your husband require you to get up with him in the morning, and go to bed with him at night?

 

No. My husband isn't a human being in the morning, and neither am I. At best, we'd exchange loving grunts.

 

When we first married, I got up every day and cooked him breakfast. Then he decided he'd rather sleep in and eat a sandwich in the car!

[Guest Katia]

Well, yes, there are "requirements" as far as waking and sleeping go in our marriage....but *I* am the one making the requirements. Now.

 

See, dh is one of these guys that can hit the pillow and be sound asleep in seconds....then he hears absolutely nothing until he wakes all refreshed in the morning. Since he was asleep and since I went to bed the same time he did, he felt it was ok to wake me ; tell me goodbye ; etc. After all....he had a good night's sleep....I must have had as well.

 

Imagine his surprise to learn that most nights I was up with one or more of the kids several times....jumped on by the cats....up sick.....the phone rang....etc. etc.

 

Since he wasn't aware of any of this....he had a hard, hard time actually realizing *I* was not sleeping! So, I started waking him up whenever the kids got up, were sick, needed feeding, etc. and he couldn't even walk without running into the walls! He quickly realized that life while he was asleep wasn't quite as peaceful as he imagined it to be.

 

So...I had to set some hard and fast rules:

 

1) Do not assume I am laying in bed awake just because you are awake. If I look like I am asleep: I am. I'm not pretending or 'just resting'.

 

2) Under no circumstances come close to the bedroom once you have left it in the morning - all clothing for the next day has to be removed and taken to his bathroom and don't forget anything or you are out of luck!

 

3) Tell me goodnight and goodbye before you go to bed - not in the morning.

 

4) The coffee pot belongs in the basement. It makes too much noise in the morning and wakes me up.

 

He is a big boy. If he wants lunch he can fix it himself the night before. He can make his own breakfast. I am fine to clean up after him. (clean-up is too much noise)

 

I turn the ringer off on the phone before I go to bed at night. I wake up when I wake up (unless we have classes, dr. appts., etc.) I have simply spent too, too many years of my life awake and taking care of dc while dh slept. Now it is MY turn to sleep and I fully intend to. And dh is ok with that. After days of wandering around in a fog from me waking him up when I got woke up.....But I still had to set the boundries because he simply didn't 'get' that teeny, tiny little sounds would wake me up...and that was why I was always such a grouch! Sleep really improves my attitude.

 

And that's the way it is in our house. Now. Now that I am 49yrs old.

 

But as you can probably tell from my "requirements" things have not always been this way. Different times, different seasons.

[paulcindy]

Thank you ladies for all your responses. Looks like this ended up being a huge post!!!

 

I liked reading everyones responses.

[jonesloonybin]

See, dh is one of these guys that can hit the pillow and be sound asleep in seconds....

 

 

2) Under no circumstances come close to the bedroom once you have left it in the morning - all clothing for the next day has to be removed and taken to his bathroom and don't forget anything or you are out of luck!

.

 

:iagree: This is us too. Dh has got some mad ninja skills! DH is ten years older than I am and had lived on his own for quite awhile before we were married. He is use to being able to do things for himself.

 

ETA: And DO NOT EVER open or close the automatic garage door in the morning!! (it is right below our bedroom and it is LOUD!!!

[Rosie_0801]

I have a baby and toddler, both of whom are waking up in the night. There's no way I'd move and no way dh would ask. This is a "pro-Mamma sleeping" household! Well, us adults are in favour, the kids aren't. He does like it when we Miss Tot and I are up to share a carpet picnic breakfast with him though. That happens on the weekends, and sometimes during the week if he's not in a huge hurry to get out the door. And if I've only been up a few times during the night, of course. Lucky dh, there's something to be said for having a hearing loss!

If I'm awake earlier than him I'll usually get up. If the kitchen is tidy enough, I might even cook breakfast. I'm usually the one insisting on him coming to bed. We all like it if we can pile into our bed and listen to him read at night, and it inevitably puts Miss Tot to sleep :D Dh likes doing this, but if I didn't insist, he doesn't do it, and stays up talking to his computer for the entire night instead.

:)

Rosie

Edited March 25, 2009 by Rosie_0801

[Carrie12345]

99% of the time, I'm *awake when he leaves. It's kind of unavoidable with the ruckus the dogs make when they realize there's a human up.

 

And once the dogs are up, the baby is usually up. If dh is in a hurry, I'll get out of bed and tend to the baby. If he's not, he'll change the baby and set him up with breakfast, and I'll lounge in bed for a bit longer :D. But I"m awake.

 

If my husband ever *required me to do anything, he'd find him doing it all himself. :tongue_smilie:

[mama2girls]

I never get up with DH when he leaves for work (he is usually up at 5am). I get up around 7:30am because that is what time the baby gets up.:tongue_smilie: We do try to go to bed at the same time (usually 10:30-11pm). I would like to get up around 6:30am because I find my day is much more productive but I seem to just hit the snooze button.:001_huh:

[gardening momma]

I'm not a morning person. I sleep as long as I can. We do go to bed at the same time, though (usually way too late).

[Melabella]

As a rule? No. Never. Our wake/sleep times ocassionally synchronize, but it's not often.

[Amy loves Bud]

In the morning we both pretend to be asleep in the hope that the other one will go get the baby. So no.

 

In the evening it varies, sometimes he's up late, sometimes I am, sometimes we're up late together, sometimes we go to bed at a decent hour together.

 

Actually, I've been getting up to work out at 7 in the morning, so he's been getting up with the baby while I do that, so we're both up.

 

Yes, 7 is quite early at our house.

[Mandy in TN]

When they leave for work? (If they work early in the morning). Or do you stay in bed until you are ready to get up?

 

Does your husband require you to get up with him in the morning, and go to bed with him at night?

 

Yes, I get up and make coffee. Yum! I like coffee. I also enjoy the alone time in the quiet house without kids- if you know what I mean.;)

 

Go to bed with him. Snort. That would require drifting off to sleep on the couch at 10-10:30 PM. No, I do not go to sleep with him.

 

I have usually been the last one to go to sleep and the first one awake. Now, my 17yo is usually the last one to sleep, but by no means the first one up.

 

Mandy

[Scarlett]

What an interesting and informative thread.

 

I get up with dh. I always have. I take him coffee in bed, I pack his lunch and I often make him a bite of simple breakfast. I rarely---twice a year maybe---go back to bed.

 

I did this even with a newborn. When I had a newborn, I got up before dh, just like I did before ds was born, got my shower and got dressed to shoes before dh left for work.

 

I wouldn't say he 'requires' it. But near close.

[Jennifer in NH]

I used to get up and make him breakfast and a lunch to go...make coffee and all that. Now, we have a Keurig coffee maker so need to make the coffee and since the last baby (3 years ago). he gets up and makes his own breakfast and even makes the kids their breakfasts if they are up (goodness I love that man).

I am up by 7 am. We don't usually go to bed at the same time, unless, like someone else noted, TEa is invloved.;)

[lionfamily1999]

When they leave for work? (If they work early in the morning). Or do you stay in bed until you are ready to get up?

 

Does your husband require you to get up with him in the morning, and go to bed with him at night?

:lol: If he required me to do that, I would rearrange the household's circadian rythms until dcs and I were waking up at 7 pm. and going to bed at around 9 am.

 

I try to get up with him, just because it makes my day nicer if I get a hug and kiss before he leaves for work. I can't stay up as late as he does, though. I like sleep too much.

[bella_gitana]

ETA: And DO NOT EVER open or close the automatic garage door in the morning!! (it is right below our bedroom and it is LOUD!!!

 

Mine was doing that when the house where we lived at the time had a long walk-way to the front, so it was easier to open the garage door, especially if it was raining. I had to put a stop to that, quick!

[bella_gitana]

We don't "require" anything of each other. The day he requires that I go to bed at a certain time, I'll require that he sleeps on the couch, lol.

 

We are considerate of each other. He has to be up by 5:30, and although he tries not to, he usually wakes me up (I'm a light sleeper.) I like to sleep-in on the weekends, but he'll get up early even then; can't break that habit. So he leaves the room, closes the door, and goes to the living room to watch the news or whatever.

[KidsHappen]

Ha! That would be the quickest way to put a serious dent in my marriage. I have discussed this topic many times on this board. Sleep is sacred in my house. You never, ever wake a sleeping person unless the house is burning down and only then if you can't get them out without waking them.

 

I have serious problems with insomnia, as in a few hours a night a most, some nights none at all. God forbid I should actually be alseep and they wake me up. I make announcements, "I am going to bed now, I will be locking the door, do not wake me. If you need anything, tell me know." My husband would no more wake me than stand in front of a moving car and the results would probably be just as disasterous.

 

My hubby is a morning person. He gets up early had the very quiet house to himself and gets half his work done before anyone else even gets up. It's his quiet time. I am not a morning person. I am just getting going about 11 and don't slow down until 2;00 or 3:00am. Neither are any of my children. Many of them have sleep problems as well and keep the same schedual I do. SO it works well for him.

 

Now my hubby and I did have a problem for awhile where my hubby wanted me to come to bed with him because he couldn't sleep if I wasn't there. Well that often meant hours of me laying in bed tossing and turning and because I am a chronic pain patient, I was usually in quiet a bit of pain after a few hours.

 

We have solved this by me going to bed with him. I snuggle with him until he falls alseep. Sometimes it relaxes me enough that I dozed and then wake up later. Other times, I just get up and get on the computer of read after he has fallen asleep. So I get me quiet time after he is alseep and he gets his in the morning. Everyone is happy and our family functions much smoother this way.

 

I am of the firm belief that you can not change a person's circadium rythms. Their bio-logical clocks are what they are and there's not really much you can do about it so best to make yor life try and fir that than the other way around. I belive it is an inate part of your personalty, part of what makes you, you and it would be a bit much for him to ask you to change this.

 

I am hoping that there is another way that you guys may be able to resolve this conflict so that you are both happy. I know how hard it can be. Good luck.

[KristineinKS]

My hubby is a morning person. He gets up early had the very quiet house to himself and gets half his work done before anyone else even gets up. It's his quiet time. I am not a morning person. I am just getting going about 11 and don't slow down until 2;00 or 3:00am. Neither are any of my children. Many of them have sleep problems as well and keep the same schedual I do. SO it works well for him.

 

This is our exact situation also! My husband goes to bed ridiculously early - by 8:30-9 pm or so & is up early. I do my best thinking & work late at night & am lucky to be up by 10 most days & I'm not fully awake & ready to start my day until 11.

[katemary63]

My husband gets up about 5:45. I never even hear the alarm. As he is getting ready for work, his movements around the bedroom and bathroom wake me up. Eventually, when he is about half ready, I'll get up, make him a lunch and have a few minutes to chat with him. Usually, he doesn't eat breakfast, but sometimes he says, "Hey, can you fry me an egg?" and I do.

 

Every once in a while, I fail to wake up. He then bends down to kiss me goodbye and I am quite disappointed that I have missed my morning time with him. I have asked him to please wake me if I don't wake on my own but he never does.

 

At night, he goes to bed earlier then I. I will go in with him to cuddle and stuff :D and then say goodnight. ("Stuff" puts him right to sleep, but totally makes me wide awake!) I usually stay up quite late but I am trying to work on that.

 

Basically though, I try hard not to miss our connection time in the morning or evening. "Require" has nothing to do with it or much of anything in our relationship."

Edited March 28, 2009 by katemary63

[LibraryLover]

LOL No. He leans over to kiss me goodbye and I tell the early risers to have a nice day. He gets up with the schooled teen, makes the child breakfast & drops him off to school on his way to work. 10 yrs ago, when he had a longer commute, and I worked and the older children went to school, I was the one who got us all ready and out for the day. This is my sweet reward.

[Cheryl in NM]

When Dh had to get up early to go to work I got up with him. I would pack his lunch while he was in the shower. Then I'd kiss him good-bye (he's not a breakfast person) and either crash on the couch or go back to bed. The coolest thing about when he worked early shift is I could arrange a teA party while he was in the shower. It's been more difficult since he works a late shift now.

 

Dh is a night owl, so even when he worked early shift he went to bed about the same time as me. He sleeps when he needs it so sometimes he'd just go to bed and I wouldn't even notice because I was off doing something else.

 

Dh never "required" or even suggested that I get up with him in the morning or go to bed with him at night. Now that he works a late shift he doesn't ask that I be up when he gets home (which is good because I can't survive on THAT scheudle!). In fact, he likes the down time in the quiet house when he gets home at 1am.

[Melissa B]

My dh gets up at 3:00 am - the only time I am up with him is if I happen to still be up from the night before!! He goes to bed at 7:30, so no we don't go to bed together. The kids haven't even finished school let alone gone to bed. :)

[swellmomma]

When I was still married, he would give me a kiss before he left but now I would not get up with him. The kids were just babies/toddlers and still waking in the night, I slept as long as they let me in the morning, so I did not get up with him unless I was already getting up to fix a bottle. When he became an EMT he would get calls in the middle of the night etc, sometimes I would wake up when he got those calls and I would help him get his stuff to head out, other times I would just roll over and grumble a good bye. When he was on call he would go to bed very early, sometimes at early as 7 pm, meaning he was asleep before the kids were often so no he did not require I went to bed at the same time as him.

[Firefly]

Egad I am shocked at how early people get up! Hmmm, I am feeling like a big ol' lazy sow getting up at 8am! :lol: DH is up at 7/7:30am, grabs a quick shower and heads out to work. Neither of us are morning people so he sleeps in until the last possible minute. Breakfast for him is a bagel or something else he gets at work. He'll give me kiss before he leaves and usually asks what we have going on for the day (I'm trying to wake myself up at that point so it is good.) For the kids and me, getting up at 8 means we have a full hour for a good breakfast, time to unload the dishwasher, feed all the animals, etc, and sometime have a few spare minutes before we start school at 9. On the W/E we both sleep in until 9 or so, and one of us makes a big breakfast.

 

We usually go to sleep around the same time--11ish, though usually one of us drifts off to bed sooner than the other.

[Dagny]

He gets up before me, and sometimes I get up with him and sometimes I don't. I usually wake a couple of times during the night, and he knows this, so wants me to get what sleep I can. We always mutually go to bed at the same time. It is our time together, and we look forward to it. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, he will wake up and we talk or he rubs my arm or neck and puts me back to sleep. I will always appreciate his consideration of me.

[mamaof2andtwins]

I get up and make my husband's lunch. It means a lot to him, and he regularly thanks me for doing it for him.

 

Jennie

[dirty ethel rackham]

We get up at similar times, but we aren't really getting up "with eachother" in that we both have our morning routines and neither of us like to chat much right away. I get up at 5:50 to exercise and he gets up at about 6 to go to work.

 

I should go to bed with him, but I have trouble falling asleep. I end up in bed about 20 minutes later to 2 hours depending on how I am doing. Even if I try to go to bed a the same time as him, I notice all those things that didnt' get done (snack dishes not in the dishwasher and it not started, counters need wiping, papers to pull together for the next day, etc.) Now, if he were to do some "convincing", I would go right up there with him. But that is a whole 'nother story.

[HappyCrazyMama]

These days I am usually up with him and prefer to be up before him. I prefer to have a quiet time before he gets up because if I don't it won't happen, it does happen about 3 days a week.;) He gets up at 6 and I try to be up by 5 or 5:30, this is Monday-Thrusday as my dh works 4, 10s. I like to visit with him in the morning. He doesn't require it but he does like it. I have only been up with him for the past couple years. I only help with lunch if he is late. I make coffee but he doesn't touch the stuff.:D On Fridays I still try to be up before everyone else (by 6). Well, not just up before them I want to have quiet time and run. The kids start getting up about 7.

I started this post with "these days" because over the course of 17 years I have gone from getting up at 11 and going to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning (my dh did work graveyard shift then) to getting up between 5-7 and going to bed between 9-10. Even 5 years ago I was not typically up until 7 or 8. It just seems like I have so many things I want to do in the mornings now.:confused: I have become a morning person and I like it.:)

Now about bedtime, my dh typically goes to bed first on weekdays because sometimes he goes to bed as early as 8, I just can't go to bed that early. I guess I don't need as much sleep but on weekends he will sit up watching TV and I will typically go to bed by 10 regardless.

 

Goodness I didn't realize I could write a book about our sleep and wake habits, lol.

[Sojourner]

...I struggled to get up with him every morning and make his breakfast and pack him a lunch, but as I am not a morning person (read grumpy) after a year or so he gently suggested it would be better for us both if I slept in and he kissed me goodbye when he left. Now 25 years later I am up with him most mornings cause I'm not sleeping well with peri-meno but he makes us both breakfast and packs his own lunch and gives me space while I struggle to meet the day.

OTOH we have always gone to bed together unless one of us is sick and we both like it that-a-way.

[Valerie in Chicago]

He's up at 5:25 and out of the house before 6am. I don't get so much as a heartbeat before 7:30am. So no, he's on his own! Luckily, he's naturally a morning person -- one of those souls who bounds out the door without so much as a cup of coffee. Me? Not so much. So our system works.

 

;)

Edited March 28, 2009 by Valerie in Chicago
typo

[Veritaserum]

Usually I do because kids get up then and need breakfast. Lately I've been having thyroid trouble and major fatigue so dh has been getting them breakfast and I've been getting up when the baby gets up (8:30/9). We often go to bed together, but sometimes he stays up later than I do.

[Angela in GA]

I don't think I've ever regularly gotten up with my husband. Occasionally, I'll get up if I forget to pack him a lunch, but I usually make it the night before so I don't have to worry about it. Currently, he's a Drill Sgt. Some days he has to be at work by 4am, others not until 7:30 or so. No way could I get up and stay up on the days he has to be there by 4. Thankfully, he's not much of a morning person. He would hate it if I wanted to actually talk to him in the morning. He sets his alarm with just enough time to get up, take a shower, get dressed and eat something. That's it. If I get up, I mess with his routine. lol. I do keep a ziploc bag full of individually wrapped breakfast burritos in the freezer. He usually eats one with a bowl of cereal. Sometimes he'll grab three and eat them at work. He kisses me good-bye when he leaves. Most days I don't even feel it. :tongue_smilie: As for going to bed with him, since he gets up so early, he's most times ready for bed before I am. I usually go up with him, but come back downstairs as soon as he's sleeping. lol. Works for us.

[Hathersage]

I don't even sleep in the same room with mine.

And having a house with one bathroom means that people shouldn't get up at the same time! LOL. That said he does wish I would wake up before he does.