I need help.

[JennifersLost]

I have debated for about 3 hours asking this online. I hate having a "forever" record of my question, but you all know so much I know you'll help.

 

My almost 16 yr old son is battling depression and insomnia. I've known this for awhile, but he seemed to be getting along all right. Today he came to me and asked to talk. He said he's felt bad for the past year and it's getting too much for him.

 

Depression runs in my family and probably in his dad's, too. I get it periodically and, like him, am very good at functioning through it and hiding it from most people. But it is God-awful hard at times.

 

I'm old enough to know each time that I will get through it, though, so when it comes around I just do. But this is all new to him and it is breaking my heart. I really hoped and prayed this would not get passed down to another generation.

 

Here's the problem. I know I should run out and get him to counselling tomorrow. But we've had some bad financial news lately and I know my dh is really, really stressed out. I know that when I tell him we need to pay for ongoing counselling his blood-pressure is going to skyrocket. Then I'm going to be dealing with two stressed-out people. (three - because I'm stressed out, too.)

 

On the one hand maybe I should start looking for work tomorrow to help pay these new bills. On the other hand I don't want my kid out of my sight.

 

Help me get this in perspective. When my ds described his feelings it sounds just like what I go through. There's no "reason" for the depression. There's nothing in his life that's actually causing him this much pain. He just feels awful all the time and can't get excited about anything. I know just what he means.

 

Here's my "low-cost" plan so far:

 

1. get him a mutliple vitamin - just in case of deficiencies.

2. start jogging with him every morning.

3. look into getting a SAD lamp to sit under daily.

4. get him out of the house more.

5. have him to his school work, etc, in the main part of the house among people instead of by himself in his room.

6. look into charity work he can help with (on the theory that helping others gets you out of your "head")

 

What else?

 

I know that when I get depressed sometimes I can snap myself out of it and sometimes I can't. How do I pass this knowledge on in a meaningful way?

 

Do you have any other suggestions? I feel like I can't breathe. I hate feeling helpless.

[Rose in BC]

I mean if you took him to the doctor would the doctor's only solution be medication (which I'm not saying would necessarily be wrong) or are there other things covered under medical? Can doctors refer someone to a counselor?

 

Truly, I have no idea how that works. I know individual plans cover things but I'm guessing, being self-employed, you guys don't have that.

 

Again, with no experience, I would say doing the things on your list wouldn't be bad but I'm wondering if a doctor's appointment would be in order?

[newlifemom]

I really cannot offer any advice, just :grouphug:.

[JennifersLost]

Rose, I don't know. I think I would start by going to our regular doc. What I read online made it sound like counselling isn't covered by BC med. But maybe prices are regulated? I just don't know. I'll definitely call tomorrow to find out.

[pianoplayer]

1. The very, very good news - he came and talked to you about it. These types of things can be really scary when we keep them bottled up inside! Encourage him to talk to you about what he is thinking and feeling.

2. Okay, so you can't really afford counseling? Do you have a pediatrician or family doctor whom you can see? That would be a good place to start, I would think.

3. Find out what the top two or three things are that your son is stressing over. See if you can together figure out a way to address them. For example, if it's his schoolwork, I like your idea of moving him to do it with you in the main part of the house rather than closeted, so to speak, in his bedroom.

4. I don't want to scare you, but do you have any reason to think that your son is suicidal? If so, you need to get him medical help IMMEDIATELY.

5. Let your husband know what is going on, but try to do so in a low-key way. As you say, there's no reason to compound the stress that everyone is under.

 

This is a lot to deal with, and my heart goes out to you. I will pray for you to have wisdom in helping your son.

Edited March 6, 2009 by pianoplayer

[Rose in BC]

Rose, I don't know. I think I would start by going to our regular doc. What I read online made it sound like counselling isn't covered by BC med. But maybe prices are regulated? I just don't know. I'll definitely call tomorrow to find out.

 

And if you have a good doctor you might be amazed at what resources he has available. Don't be afraid to ask.

[kalanamak]

Please get at least an initial eval for "danger to self". Teens do extreme things sometimes, and if he should harm himself, you'd have the rest of your life to regret it....

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[OnTheBrink]

Look in your phone book under "mental health" and see if you can find a county or city organization. Most charge at sliding scales or are free if you fall under their income guidelines.

 

I like your immediate ideas, and I'm going to suggest a liquid vitamin. They're absorbed into the system faster and most of the vitamins sold OTC today never dissolve in the system, rendering them completely ineffective. Check a health food store for liquid vitamins. I could recommend one, but you have to buy it through a distributor and it's pretty expensive (about $100 a month). I know you can find similar in stores for a LOT less.

 

ETA: suicide hotlines have tons of resources. Don't be afraid to call one and ask them for some guidance. There was a time when I needed some help, and I called one. I wasn't suicidal at all, just lost and needing help. They referred me to a place that saved me from being a homeless pregnant woman. So, it can't hurt to call.

Edited March 6, 2009 by OnTheBrink

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I would definitely look into seeking a doctor's advice. In addition, I would consider asking your doctor if it is ok to for your ds to take vitamin d3 and fish oil. I have read that vitamin d3 has an impact on many body systems including the brain and many north americans are quite deficient in vitamin d3. In fact, initially a doctor may ok your son to take up to 50,000 units per week of vitamin d3- blood levels can be done.

 

Fish oil-not cod liver oil though- has an impact on many body systems as well. I have read that higher doses of fish oil may be beneficial for brain and cardiovascular health- just ask your doctor if it is ok to take.

 

I would definitely also do light therapy as well. Just be sure to follow manufacture's directions.

 

I, myself, have struggled with depression on and off for years. However, I have tried these things lately and they have made ahuge difference in my life. These are only my opinions but you can find medical literature to support these simple interventions.

 

Lastly, it is important to assess whether your son is thinking of hurting or killing himself. If he is, you should also assess if if has any specific plans for doing so. If the answer if yes, then get help right away.

 

:grouphug: Best wishes,

priscilla

[katemary63]

Hi, Sorry you are going through this. My son AND daughter also went through a terrible depression in their late teen years. My son had dreamed of being a US Marine since he was 6 years old. He graduated high school and went to boot camp and then training. He excelled through it all and loved it. He was in the reserves and served 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer and began attending college. He was happy and on top of the world, having had his dream come true. We were so glad for him.

 

Then it hit. A horrible, devastating depression. It made no sense. He says it came on one day like a huge black cloud. He said he had no reason to live. UGH....my heart was broken and in a panic. We talked and finally all decided that he needed to see a Dr. The Dr. prescribed an antidepressant and stated that he believed the depression to be mostly genetic - we do have this in our famly and this type typically hits in late teen years or early 20's. DS had to take a medical leave from the military...his dream come true...it was devastating. ( they don't give you weapons while you're on antidepression meds!) But he, himself, made the decision, stating that he just couldn't go on the way he was anymore.

 

Well, we are 2 years out from that day. DS is off medication. He took it only for about a year. He probably will go through a depression again sometime in his life but now knows what to watch for. He has set goals and is relatively happy now and has accepted the fact that sometimes our dreams just don't work out and we have to make new ones. He has a lovely girlfriend and is now in school full time.

 

DD went through some serious stress at age 17 that initiated a depression. She did see a Dr. but decided not to go on meds at that time. Her life situation changed and she eventually worked her way out of it. It lasted at least a year and was terrible for her.

 

I tell these stories just to help you realize you are not alone. I understand your pain as a mother trying to help her child and not knowing what is best. Personally, I would get your son to a Dr. I just wouldn't take the chance...a Dr. is better trained to evaluate the seriousness of your son's depression. I would also say, don't be afraid of medication. It is a tool, a help...in my son's case, it did not make him happy over night. But it helped him feel just good enough to even desire to make other changes that did help him more permanantly. All the other suggestions you mention are great - do them! But also take your son to a Dr.

 

Ps. Niether of my kids went to counceling. Our daughter's situation was pretty obvious and she worked on changing the stress in her life. Our son simply had a genetic depression. It was biochemical. He didn't feel he needed counceling and is doing fine now without having had it. ( not saying it isn't valuable. I personally would have loved for both of them to go!)

 

I pray that our son's pain is relieved soon. Poor thing...he will get better but to him it probably seems hopeless. Keep loving him through it. Blessings to both of you.

Edited March 6, 2009 by katemary63

[Jann in TX]

We had to use one last year--I think we were the ONLY paying customers! We ended up there because they were the only service within 100 miles who could take dd as an 'emergency' case.

 

Please call somebody.

If anything call your local mental hospital (for lack of a better word) and ask them for a referal to a free or low cost center. The counselor we saw was a professional--she worked in this clinic as a volunteer...

 

 

In my dd's case her depression/anxiety/insomnia... is triggered by a chemical-hormonal imbalance (in her case thyroid).

 

This is NOT the time to worry about finances!

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I think the fact that he came to you to talk is a very good thing. Let him know that you are always available. I've just recently come to realize that I must have been battling mild depression off and on my entire life. Some suggestions from experience:

1. Try to be home and awake whenever he gets home from school or other places. Coming home to an empty or silent house was a big downer when I was a teenager. That was the time when I would have appreciated someone to talk to or a sign that someone cared.

2. Sunshine, excercise, and periodically getting away from all the reminders of responsibility, really do help

3. I recently read omega 3 is recommended for people with mild chronic depression.

4. I have come to think of those times in terms of running a race. There comes a time when you "hit the wall" and feel utterly exhausted, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other you eventually get your second wind.

5. If he is worried about falling asleep, he won't. Let him know it's ok if he doesn't fall asleep, he can use that time just to relax or read in bed (no television). Taking away the pressure to make yourself go to sleep is a great relief. It often makes sleep come just that more easily.

6. Often, depression starts when something negative begins to play itself over and over again in the mind, like a broken record. Teach him to come up positive words or phrases to repeat to himself when he finds himself in a negative loop.

7. Deep relaxation, or deep breathing techniques for handling tenseness and anxiety.

 

I've never had counseling, so I don't know how or if it helps, but I would hesitate to put a child on depression meds unless it is causing major disruptions in his life. There has been so many articles recently linking teen suicides and depression medication.

[swellmomma]

A couple thoughts, first off, there is MANY free shrinks available, you can either contact your provincial mental health office directly, or get your dr to put in a referal to an adolescent shrink. We have used several therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists over the years for my depression and the kids mental health issues and it has always been free.

 

Also Catholic social services has access to shrinks that bill on a sliding scale to work with what you can afford.

 

Do not feel you have to sacrifice him seeing a shrink due to finances.

[Desert Rat]

I second checking for public mental health in the phone book. My brother used our county facilities (as an outpatient) and walked away in much better shape, with meds. I do like your list though and would do those as well. St. John's Wort maybe?

As someone who fights the good fight against depression, I feel for you and your son. You're in my thoughts.

[Paz]

I think the insomnia is something crucial to deal with. My brother has a sleeping disorder and when he doesn't get restful sleep he is depressed and anxious. Has your ds had a thorough checkup with some bloodwork lately? Some physical problems can cause these symptoms as well.

[Sunkirst]

:grouphug:

I started dealing with depression and insomnia when I was around your son's age. It got really bad when I went away to college.

 

It helped me to know that I wasn't alone (my Dad struggles with depression and insomnia, and we talked).

It helped me to exercise.

I've read quite a bit recently about the benefits of Omega-3 fatty acids for a range of mental illnesses.

It helped me to spend time outside in nature (maybe sunlight, maybe just nature drawing me away from my thoughts).

It helped me to be by myself (not sitting in my room - exercising or just walking outside - I was in very crowded settings at this point, and being alone took away the stress of keeping up a front).

It helped me to meditate (I read a study on the effects of meditation vs. tri-cyclic anti-depressant about 20 years ago. Meditation was very effective in treating some types of depression. The type I did was concentrating on just thinking "in...out" with your breathing. The idea was to let go of your thoughts and experience some time each day when you were "just being," not thinking.

The poem Desiderata helped.

 

I wouldn't feel bad about trying to help your son at home first. For him to help himself through this will be so empowering, and most mild depression can be handled just as you have outlined your plans. Also, your son chose to talk to you, he's not retreating into himself, and that's so positive. It's also positive that he's not self-medicating. Encourage him to let you know how he's doing frequently (I Hated people asking me, but I felt a sense of relief to know that there was a calm, loving person with whom I could safely talk). I would try what you have outlined for a few months. Let your son know your plans (and why it is good for him to have a strategy for handling these feelings. Don't convey your stress, instead convey your love and confidence that he will be better and stronger for learning these things now). Also let him know that if he needs to talk to someone outside the family that you will make that happen. Then talk to DH and prepare him for that possibility (and use the time to research low-cost options).

 

I did see a few counsellors for a while in college. It took me three times to find someone who would work for me. The ones that didn't work were AWFUL, and actually quite damaging. The woman that helped mostly listened, and encouraged me to take excellent care of myself. I ended up taking homeopathic sleep aids here and there (still do!), and learning how to do yoga, as an active form of meditation (still do this too). Mostly, I learned how to control my stress and help myself.

 

My thoughts are with you and your son, and I wish you an early spring!

Good Luck,

[JennifersLost]

Thanks to everyone. Just having a place to talk is helpful for me right now.

 

It's funny - I did think about putting him into a yoga class; I think he'd enjoy it and would find it soothing. It might really help (and be cheaper than counselling :)

 

I like the idea of giving him tools to help because if he's anything like me (or other family members) he won't only deal with this once.

 

I'm going to go to the health food store and start off with some simple steps and I'm going to talk to my son more about how we can comfortably talk about this stuff and how he can take charge of his mental health.

 

I'm going to call our doctor about the insomnia - I would think this is a more concrete issue our regular doc might help with and my ds really suffers from it and has for years and years.

 

I'll take all the advice I can get. At least I feel like I have the beginnings of a plan.

[Amy in TX]

My heart goes out to you and your son. I've also prayed that the occasional bouts of depression I've suffered my entire adult life won't get passed on to my kids.

 

I strongly agree with the others who have suggested you talk to your doctor. He/she may know of resources, or be able to help you deal in some way.

 

In the meantime, in addition to your plans, all of which are very good ideas, have you considered supplements such as fish oil? I take fish oil and I have noticed a slight but definite improvement in my mood. I have a little more energy & just feel a little more grounded--able to cope.

 

Also, I believe that your own experience makes you uniquely qualified to help your son. He can hear from you that you sometimes feel the way he is feeling. You can maybe ameliorate some of the feelings of isolation.

 

Take care, & I hope and pray that you and he get through this together.

 

Amy

[hornblower]

There are FREE or low cost resources available to you - it's just a matter of knowing how to access them.

 

http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/mental_health/

 

Go through all the pages linked from that page. Make a list of whom you can call tomorrow.

 

Absolutely see your family dr. Your family physician can refer you on to other professionals, including a psychiatrist or public health psychologists or psychiatric nurses.

 

Are you enrolled/registered homelearners? Or is your ds in school? Either way, contact the school you're registered/enrolled/attending & ask about access to a school counsellor for mental health issues.

 

I think all the things on your list are good too but DO reach out to the health support services. I know we talk a lot about how the medical system is broken & overwhelmed yada yada but parts of it do still work really well. But you need to get the ball rolling, start calling around & insisting your son needs help. You may need to be a squeaky wheel - but the services are there. I think there are also some non-profits who can assist in these situations. The hardest part is knowing who to call so you just need to get on a phone, start calling & pestering people to refer you to where you need to go to the help he needs.

 

It's wonderful that you're attunded to this issue and he felt comfortable to talk to you about it. But the truth is that you may not really know how bad things are for him. I think it's easy to assume that his situation is 'similar' to yours, but that may not be true.

 

My family battles these issues as well, but one of us got to the point of a suicide attempt, and obviously none of us thought this person was suffering that badly or there would have been a much more intense intervention much earlier. I mention this because even in families where people should be aware and know the danger signs, it doesn't always work out that way. Please, do seek out professional help.

 

Best Wishes to you all.

[PollyOR]

:grouphug:Jennifer:grouphug:

 

I know it is hard to put this out on the web. You and your son aren't alone.

 

My dd is 13yo. She broke down a year ago and told me that she didn't want to be in this reality anymore. I had seen it coming, but I was in denial. She is a quiet, obedient child who was going through hormonal changes. We were "weathering the storm." I figured that any day the sun would break through, she would be less irritable, she would come out of her room, she wouldn't look so frightened all of the time. This isn't my first child. I had been through the big hormonal changes before with my oldest.

 

When dd confided in me that she didn't want to live, I was upset but thought I would give her some time. We all have overly hormonal times, right? Two weeks later she begged me to call the doctor. Nobody would have ever guessed what was happening.

 

The first thing was an appointment with her doctor. He first suggested counseling. We had to wait two agonizing months. DH and I did not leave her alone. Her anxiety was more obvious than usual. I think she finally felt free to let us see what was going on and of course we were more aware.

 

After six weeks of counseling with a psychologist, medication was added. She said it made her feel worse, so it was changed. She has improved a little, but there hasn't been a magic bullet. I WISH there was.

 

Her psychologist has suggested:

 

 

• exercise
  
• coming out of her room more
  
• multivitamin with vitamin D
  

 

Those are just basic things. The vitamin is easy, the rest isn't...especially when you are depressed. She doesn't WANT to come out of her room and she certainly does NOT want to exercise.

 

I am so glad that your son feels like he can talk to you. That is a huge blessing and a great start down the road to recovery!!!

[HSMom2One]

I REALLY like your initial plan and agree with most of the other posters. Counseling may or may not help, and chances are that the advice will be to do the very things you are already planning to do. At least if you start out with your ds going through these steps you may be able to head off the problem early and without drugs. On the other hand, if you end up with a kid on anti-depressants, don't be discouraged. There are some people (incuding myself) that really need the chemical balance that meds helps achieve.

 

As one who has suffered from depression since being a teen, and also the mother of a son with Bipolar and depressive bouts, I have to say that it is WONDERFUL that he has talked to you about this and that you are there to help him through it. You know you can't save him, he ultimately has to step up to seek treatment freely of his own will and follow through with the prescribed regimine. But he is so blessed to have you there to address this issue early in his life. I wish my dm would have done for me what you are doing for your ds.

 

God bless you as you seek answers to this situation, and do remember that there is great power in prayer.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[buddhabelly]

I haven't read the other responses, but if he gets depressed "for no reason" and it runs in the family, this boy needs medication. They have improved medicine over the years so that it can treat YOUR boy's chemical imbalance, not someone else's. (He might have too much serotonin, or not enough of a different chemical.)

 

My depression is not caused by my life circumstances, and is not improved by counseling. It just happens when it happens, and if I had been born in 1800, I would not be alive today. Simple as that.

 

Best of luck to you and your sweet boy. This is NOT optional. You should get help for yourself as well.

 

He might try St. John's Wort, as it has the same mechanism as many of the anti-depressants on the market. (In fact, many of the big drug makers tried to have it made illegal to sell as a supplement because it really is a drug. But a very gentle one, with a nice sedative side effect if it is taken at bedtime.)

 

My hospitalization cost a lot more than medicine would have cost......hindsight is 20/20, I know, but I am just sharing.

 

Julie

[ElizabethB]

If he has other allergies, food allergies might be making the problem worse (they usually only develop in people with existing allergies to things like pollen and mold.)

 

My sleep patterns are off and I feel unmotivated when I am eating things I am allergic to. Once I find and eliminate the food I'm allergic to, my energy returns and my sleep patterns normalize more. (I've currently become allergic to so much that I have to eat things I am moderately allergic to, so my sleep patterns are slightly off and I don't have quite as much energy as normal, but not as bad as when I was eating things I am strongly allergic to like milk, nuts, and fish.)

 

If you want information about how to try an allergy elimination diet to try to rule out food allergies, let me know.

Edited March 6, 2009 by ElizabethB

[HSMom2One]

With our family history I can say from experience that sleep patterns are critical when it comes to mental health. Getting enough sleep and going to bed at regular times is more important than I can stress for people that struggle with depression. This, along with eating properly and getting exercise, will help a great deal.

 

My sons psychiatrist stated emphatically that whenever ds's sleep patterns are off, it is a sign that something is going wrong. We have stuck to this as a hard and fast rule when it comes to his mental health.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Ria]

Jennifer,

 

Clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is genetic. The fact that depression runs in your family means that this is not a life circumstance issue, it's a biological one. Your son needs medication. Do you know that insomnia is a symptom of depression? It's not a cause, it's a symptom. I have personal experience with that particular symptom, and it was devastating.

 

Please, please, please take your son to the doctor and try medication. More than likely the doc will try an SSRI drug (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) which will help to increase the level of seratonin in his brain. Seratonin is a neurotransmitter; people with clinical depression often do not have enough neurotransmitters in their brain. No amount of counseling is going to fix that, but medication will.

 

The meds (the generics) are extremely inexpensive. We have a 19-year old who recently went through similar circumstances. Like your family, we have a family history, so we took him to the doctor and he started on medication. Jennifer, he's a new kid...he's the happy, outgoing son we used to know. The difference is amazing, and we are so thankful that he's once again enjoying life.

 

Feel free to pm me.

 

Ria

Edited March 6, 2009 by Ria

[Paz]

Some natural sleep remedies: Melatonin is wonderful. He can take 3 mg or less 1/2 hr to an hr before bed. L-Theanine is also great for sleep, relaxation, and may help with depression.

 

When I was 18 I began taking a very low does antidepressant in order to obtain restful sleep. I took 5 mg of Elavil. Many people take 10 to 30 mg before bed for sleep. The amount given for depression is 150 to 200 mg. It has been around for years and is very safe especially at the low doses needed for sleep.

[OnTheBrink]

If he has other allergies, food allergies might be making the problem worse (they usually only develop in people with existing allergies to things like pollen and mold.)

 

My sleep patterns are off and I feel unmotivated when I am eating things I am allergic to. Once I find and eliminate the food I'm allergic to, my energy returns and my sleep patterns normalize more. (I've currently become allergic to so much that I have to eat things I am moderately allergic to, so my sleep patterns are slightly off and I don't have quite as much energy as normal, but not as bad as when I was eating things I am strongly allergic to like milk, nuts, and fish.)

 

If you want information about how to try an allergy elimination diet to try to rule out food allergies, let me know.

 

This is a very good point. If your son has milk allergies (and I don't mean lactose intolerance), that can contribute to depression and mood swings.

 

Just thought I'd toss that out there.

[Twinmom]

I second the antidepressant idea. I have a hereditary predisposition to depression as well. Most of the time, there is nothing causing it...it's just there. I've tried to go drug free, I've tried natural supplements, I've done counseling (most of the time, I've nothing to comment on! ;)). Nothing has worked as well as a simple, low dose antidepressant. I'm sure that's not the case for everyone, but it sure has worked here! (Skills based counseling plus antidepressants was best for me in the beginning. Now, I just deal with the chemical side.)

 

Being a therapist myself, I do think that counseling is a great idea, but I realize it can be expensive. If you decide to go the antidepressant route, your medical doctor can prescribe it for you to get you started. That's the cheapest and quickest option. The best route is through a psychiatrist with additional supportive counseling from a therapist, but if you can't afford it, it's more important to get the chemical support FIRST. Counseling can always be added later, but to avoid escalating to a life-threatening condition, I'd go with meds first to stabilize your son, then add counseling when you can afford it. Look for low cost or free options...I've lots of ideas of where to look in the US, but since I don't know your system I'll bow to the advice of others. Do you have a pastor or a local sliding scale clinic that could offer some free counseling to get you started?

 

Your DS is so lucky to have a mom he trusts enough to talk to about this! I'm sure you will do the right thing for him. Don't panic...just make a plan and keep investigating options until you find what works. Show him how to problem solve this issue and you'll have equipped him for life!

[catalinakel]

Jennifer,

 

Clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is genetic. The fact that depression runs in your family means that this is not a life circumstance issue, it's a biological one. Your son needs medication. Do you know that insomnia is a symptom of depression? It's not a cause, it's a symptom. I have personal experience with that particular symptom, and it was devastating.

 

Please, please, please take your son to the doctor and try medication. More than likely the doc will try an SSRI drug (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) which will help to increase the level of seratonin in his brain. Seratonin is a neurotransmitter; people with clinical depression often do not have enough neurotransmitters in their brain. No amount of counseling is going to fix that, but medication will.

 

The meds (the generics) are extremely inexpensive. We have a 19-year old who recently went through similar circumstances. Like your family, we have a family history, so we took him to the doctor and he started on medication. Jennifer, he's a new kid...he's the happy, outgoing son we used to know. The difference is amazing, and we are so thankful that he's once again enjoying life.

 

Feel free to pm me.

 

Ria

 

:iagree: Start with your doctor. Insomnia and depression go hand in hand, and when the brain chemistry is adjusted via meds, both can be alleviated. Unfortunately diet, exercise and counseling don't always cure depression. Some of us need meds for depression long term.

[Parrothead]

Insomnia is a symptom of a lot of things. Take your son to the doctor for a full work up. Discuss all the things going on with him and his family history. Like other posters said, allergies are another place to start.

 

Sunlight, being with others, exercise, a well-balanced diet, vitamins, physical activity, and a hobby, along with medication will go a long way to helping him.

[katemary63]

I haven't read the other responses, but if he gets depressed "for no reason" and it runs in the family, this boy needs medication. They have improved medicine over the years so that it can treat YOUR boy's chemical imbalance, not someone else's. (He might have too much serotonin, or not enough of a different chemical.)

 

:iagree::iagree:

[OH_Homeschooler]

I'm another who thinks medication is the way to go. I've been on Paxil for about 7 years now, and wish I had been on something sooner. My doctor now says there's no reason for me to ever go off anti-depressants because I did try to go off at various points, and ended up in the same situation again. And when you are depressed (or at least when I am) I am amazing at denying that I need help, that anything is wrong, etc., until a year later I wake and realize I was in agony for a year for no reason at all.

 

Yes, I am a strong believer that depression is caused by biological factors, and there should be no stigma about getting help. You wouldn't suspect your kid had cancer, then not seek help would you? And antidepressants should be covered by insurance, or at least mine are. HTH!

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: I think your ideas are good ones, but since it could be a hereditary chemical imbalance/depression, I'd take him in and find out. That way you will know which treatment(s) are best for him.:grouphug:

Edited March 6, 2009 by Tammyla

[chickenpatty]

My dh suffers from insomnia and depression. I think the lack of sleep is one of the main causes of his.

 

Recently he started taking a calcium magnesium supplement before bed (it's a powdered drink mix called Fizz C - also has vitamin C) and it has helped a lot. The magnesium helps him relax, so that even though he wakes up during the night, he's able to relax and fall back to sleep.

 

HTH! :grouphug:

[KLynnTX]

I was just online, sending a friend these links. He's struggling with depression. I think that for anyone who is struggling with depression, or who loves someone who is, these would be very helpful to listen to.

 

It's a Focus on the Family episode on depression, with Pastor Tommy Nelson sharing about the depression he went through. And what helped him. I'll go ahead and post the links here.

 

You just click on the link at the top, like for the first one you click at the top where it says: Depression: Encouragement for the Journey (Part 1 of 3)

 

 

http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001449.cfm

 

http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001450.cfm

 

Hope this helps someone!

[CAMom]

Jennifer...:grouphug:

 

We went through this last year with our son. There is also a history of depression in my family.

 

I did start the way you did. I made sure he was getting sun exposure everyday. I just sent him out into the yard and had him read out there. I also started getting up with him every day and walking a couple of miles. During those walks, he knew he could talk to me about anything or we could walk in silence. His choice.

 

Eliminating video games was also a key component for us.

 

We also had a plan: If he did not feel a marked improvement within a certain amount of time (I think it was two or three weeks), we would be seeking help.

 

He did feel a marked improvement within that time frame so we ended up not seeking the help at that time. I really think that knowing how much we were committed to his health was such a relief to him. It didn't "cure" him but I think it empowered him to know that something would be done. Knowing that there was a plan gave him hope.

 

That's just our experience. We wouldn't hesitate to get him help in the future if it arises again. But, for us, the natural changes you are suggesting did help our son even coming from a family with a history of depression.

 

:grouphug:

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

Depression just stinks. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's hard to watch our children suffer any kind of pain, and as parents it's hard to realize that we can't make it better. :grouphug: again.

 

Do you have insurance? I would at least go to your family doctor and talk with him. He may be able to help more than you realize. He may also be able to point you in the direction of low cost counseling.

 

I would definitely start exercising with your ds. Exercising, plus getting the extra sunlight (I'm imaging jogging outside, as you had posted) could only help. But exercise alone is not a "cure". While it can help, I would worry that your son will only continue to feel depressed, then feel bad because he's not getting "better" with your "treatment" and that further medical treatment would be a burden.

 

If your son had diabetes, or if he had some other chronic or life threatening illness would you put off treatment? Depression is not quite the same, because there is no one or sure treatment, but counseling can be very helpful. Often the "outside" voice giving you instructions or advice is enough to help you through. Also if any medication were started it would have to be monitored very carefully, as teens react differently to the meds than adults do.

 

I know it's hard. It's frustrating that mental health is not covered the same way the rest of your health is. I hope you are able to find a good solution for your family.

[JennifersLost]

Once again, thanks everyone.

 

Your combined wisdom is very helpful here. I am making him a doctor's appointment: we'll start by finding out all we can.

 

I have had a years of coping with depression that comes and goes and maybe exploring this with my son will end up helping me, as well.

 

Part of my reticence about medication is that I tend to react badly to meds (and so do others in my family); what "works" for other people often has an opposite affect on me. We've also (as a family) had several people be very hurt physically by taking ongoing meds. This doesn't mean we won't consider this option - it just means we'll consider it very carefully before trying it. It scares me. But it might be necessary; we'll see.

 

I think what we're going to do is go to the doctor, but at the same time begin pursing the natural stuff as well. Exercise, sunlight and a few supplements are at least a start.

 

I'm going to talk through all of this with my son, as well and try to really listen to his intuition, too.

 

Thanks again for your support. I do appreciate it. Keep my ds in your thoughts, if you can.

[PollyOR]

It's hard to watch our children suffer any kind of pain, and as parents it's hard to realize that we can't make it better. :grouphug: again.

 

Jennifer, thank you for starting this thread. This has been a tough year for me as a mom of a depressed child. Just this week I was holding back the tears as we went to dd's appointments. Bleh! I'm tired of it all.

 

Reading all of these replies has lifted my spirits and given me hope. Thank you and thanks to all who have shared.

 

Polly

[KristenS]

Haven't read all the answers yet ... but if you have insurance, there's a chance that you can find a psych. who's completely covered by it, or one who will apply toward a deductible. (I will say, the one I once had who was completely covered by my insurance was terrible, though.)

 

If you aren't looking for a medication solution, counselors are much less expensive, and you might find some good ones with sliding scale fees. I found a great one by recommendation of my pastor. And your family doctor may be comfortable prescribing some of the milder anti-depressants, which would be under your regular insurance.

 

Be sure to have blood tests done too, to make sure there's not something else going on, like thyroid issues or other imbalances. Doesn't hurt to check. And it gives a baseline for future testing down the road, if this becomes an ongoing problem for him.

[KidsHappen]

Once again, thanks everyone.

 

Your combined wisdom is very helpful here. I am making him a doctor's appointment: we'll start by finding out all we can.

 

I have had a years of coping with depression that comes and goes and maybe exploring this with my son will end up helping me, as well.

 

Part of my reticence about medication is that I tend to react badly to meds (and so do others in my family); what "works" for other people often has an opposite affect on me. We've also (as a family) had several people be very hurt physically by taking ongoing meds. This doesn't mean we won't consider this option - it just means we'll consider it very carefully before trying it. It scares me. But it might be necessary; we'll see.

 

I think what we're going to do is go to the doctor, but at the same time begin pursing the natural stuff as well. Exercise, sunlight and a few supplements are at least a start.

 

I'm going to talk through all of this with my son, as well and try to really listen to his intuition, too.

 

Thanks again for your support. I do appreciate it. Keep my ds in your thoughts, if you can.

 

Jen,

 

Just because you have a certain reaction to meds, does not mean that your son will react the same way. Take him to your PCP and explain your problems with meds to him and then let him suggest the best course of action. Now days, a trial with anti-depressants is a first course of action for more than transitory depression not caused by life circumstances. And generally they monitor pretty closely during the beginning until a maintenence dose is reached. And of course, you and your son can watch as well and report any problems. If one med doesn't work then they will try another until they find one and so on until they find one that works. Ria's post was right on about the chemical imbalance and meds usually work best for this type of depression. Counseling really doesn't help as much for this type of depression. It is better for working through life issues.

 

There are a few non medical things that you can try and these do work for some people. St. John's being the first and most common. Then SAMe. But it takes quiet awhile for these to start working and then if they don't you would have to move on to meds which would delay relieving the depression for quiet awhile because meds also take awhile to start working. The fact that he has come to you means that it is a pretty serious issue because teens don't tend to discuss these sort of things with parents until they feel that they can't handle them themselves. IMO that means it needs prompt attention. I would get him into a PCP as soon as possible.

 

Keep us posting on your progress as I am sure that I am not the only one who will be thinking of your family and worrying for your son. Good luck and strength to you. :grouphug:

[Happy]

You've gotten excellent advice and I heartily agree with almost everything being said. Especially the insomina..our son struggled with that and the resulting depression. Very hard to live through.

 

I just want to chime in with one thing...in your first post you mentioned volunteer work. Bravo I say. Just yesterday I was reading an article in 'Scientific American Mind' about how we get a serotonin boost from 'doing good.' It can be as potent and addictive as the jolt we get from exercise.

 

I think you are off to a great start in helping your son. I hope the journey is a smooth one.

[Peri]

Don't forget essential fatty acids. drizzle some flax seed oil on his salad everyday. I combated PMS with this alone. Also set up routines to follow daily. I thrive on routines and get very depressed when i encounter change. We just finishe moving and I get so goomy and sad in the early evenings because of the change. I do notice that when i deal with depression that its between the afternoon and early evening that I get very teary. I would set up walks and family outings around that time. Reading also helps me emensly.

[Kim in Appalachia]

 

Counseling really doesn't help as much for this type of depression. It is better for working through life issues.

 

 

 

This is one thing I disagree with. Depression is a chronic illness. I would recommend counseling in order to help deal with the illness. Usually, this is short term counseling, maybe just meeting a few times, then maybe a few times a year just to check in.

[the floating cottage]

I would definately take him to the doctor first. Are you guys part of a church? Or is there one local with a really good youth pastor or counselors on staff? I know our church doesn't have one on staff but they have a member who is a counselor and only charges $20.00 a session if referred to by the church. My son went through the same thing and it is very hard. Ours is genrational also. The church we attended at the time had counselors on staff and helped him tremendously. It was all confidential. Just be there for him, it will make a difference.