I want to do the dumbest thing in history - talk me down?

[Murphy101]

My dh is going to Sweden on a business trip in either June or mostly likely July, for probably 1 week, maybe 2.

Before he goes he will be laid off of his job of 13 years with a severance pkg. equal to approx 4 months of current pay, which is currently low enough to qualify us for food stamps.

 

the plan is to spend that severance on paying off everything except the mortgage and then using what little is left on other minor needs. (all major needs and all debt except the van were taken care of with our tax refund)

 

but...

 

i. don't. wanna.

 

Just once I don't want to be smart and responsible!:crying::001_unsure:

 

I wanna take myself and my kids to see Sweden with their pa!

I wanna throw caution to the wind and give my kids a once in a life time trip to remember!

I wanna see the world!

I want to see the mountains Heidi was written for!

I want to be a totally irresponsible selfish idiot.

 

can anyone understand?

 

travel is probalby the ONLY regret I have about having a large family. It's not enough of a regret to make me regret having the kids, but my one dream that has never changed/died has been to travel. Not even europe specificly neccessarily, just anywhere the wander lust took me, kwim?

 

It's the only thing that stinks about being the SAHM.

I sit at home doing what I do (and honestly not wanting to change it!) while dh goes places. Even when it's somewhere I wouldn't even want to go, I'm so jealous of his travels. And it's not because I want to get away from the kids. I actually like traveling with the kids, I just can't afford to do it much.

 

So.. I'm wasting energy surfing the net for the best airline tickets for a family of 11 (YIKES!) , knowing that even if I find the best of deals in within his severance range is still a stupid waste of money better spent on more important needs for our future and thus I feel like a selfish, irresponsible idiot for even contemplating this nutty idea.

 

And yet... I want to take my kids to Sweden!:crying::001_unsure:

 

so talk me down ladies....

[Jenny in Atl]

I'm going to be bad, as usually, GO!!!!! OMG GO!!!

 

 

 

But then I'm awful with money and will most likely die a poor woman, so don't listen to a word I say/write.

[Colleen]

Oh, Martha, I would feel exactly the same in your shoes! So, yes, I can understand. And ya know, I think there's something to be said for doing the thing that's less safe. Life can't always be about hedging bets, and travel is an investment that lasts a lifetime. Truly!

 

Having said that, my deciding factor is that I don't think going on a European vacation and then coming home and using food stamps is ethical. I'm not saying people who rely on government support (or will you not have to? I was confused as to that point) should never have fun, never splurge on something special. But a trip to Sweden for 11 is a pretty darn big splurge.;) So, if your looking at a situation wherein you'll be receiving gov't aid, well...No, I couldn't in good conscience first go on a trip like that.

 

Oh, and I'm editing to add another thought. If you do pursue the trip, the better option (again, imo of course) is to consider taking just the older children. Truly, there is little reason to drag a posse of small people halfway across the world (aside from visiting family). Consider, perhaps, just you and the oldest two accompanying your husband. Something like that.

 

I'm sorry about your dh losing his job. It seems strange to me that he'll be laid off and then be sent on a business trip. ??

 

Oh, btw...

 

I want to see the mountains Heidi was written for!

 

Heidi = Alps = Switzerland (not equal to) Sweden

 

Kinda funny, because I mentioned in a thread the other day that Americans are so often confusing Sweden with Switzerland.:D

Edited February 26, 2009 by Colleen

[farmgirlinwv]

That would be an extremely poor example to set for your children. You're the parents. Be responsible. If they don't see it at home they won't see it anywhere.

[Kate CA]

I read what you wrote in the housing/foreclosure thread and I would say you have a lot to lose if you lose your house so I would say being wise at this point is much more important than seeing Sweden. There is always the future. I hear you though - I would love to travel. Heck, I would love to just be able to buy next year's curriculum! :D

 

Does it help to know that Heidi isn't set in Sweden? :D

[JoyfulMama]

*IF* you were to go on this trip and then need to come home to apply for assistance, you better pay for the trip now, and then simply "pay down credit card bills" when you do apply. Will actually be better for you to have some debt when you do apply - will make you look more like everyone else. Granted, this would mean you would be paying interest on the already expensive trip - but do you REALLY want to have to tell your caseworker you just got back from a family vacation to Sweden???

 

I would say go - but then again my dh is the responsible one - and he would probably say no.

 

And my "what if's" would probably bother me as I got closer - what if we have no income for xxx time...

[Murphy101]

then coming home and using food stamps is ethical. I'm not saying people who rely on government support (or will you not have to? I was confused as to that point)

 

no, just saying we make little enough to qualify already IF we were to apply.

thankfully we are getting by okay so far without.

if the funds aren't spent towards the trip, they will still be spent - just on paying off the vehicles and some other minor things (like stocking the freezer, getting the a/c on the van fixed, repairing the privacy fence, getting the dog fixed...)

 

hopefully the trip will net a job that means he doesn't need foodstamps when he gets back. His ticket and hotel are being paid for, but obviosuly not his entire family.

 

some of his severance will automaticly be going towards getting an education in a new career field - electrical and computer repair/building in the industrial business.

 

Heidi = Alps = Switzerland (not equal to) Sweden

 

Kinda funny, because I mentioned in a thread the other day that Americans are so often confusing Sweden with Switzerland.:D

 

ug! how embarrassing. now see, if I had actually been to Sweden, I bet I wouldn't have made that mistake.;):D

[Murphy101]

I read what you wrote in the housing/foreclosure thread and I would say you have a lot to lose if you lose your house

Does it help to know that Heidi isn't set in Sweden? :D

 

oh my. :svengo: let me be clear, I'm not taking the mortgage payment to sweden. the house would not ever be risked on purpose. dh plans to bring home enough monthly income to cover the mtg, come heck or high waters.

 

like I said, if the money isn't on the tirp, it's still being spent on other things. the house is totally seperate.

 

it doesn't help.

just makes me want to ALSO go to switzerland:D

 

*IF* you were to go on this trip and then need to come home to apply for assistance, you better pay for the trip now, and then simply "pay down credit card bills" when you do apply. Will actually be better for you to have some debt when you do apply - will make you look more like everyone else. Granted, this would mean you would be paying interest on the already expensive trip

 

huh? we don't have credit cards. well, we have one with nothing on it.

if we couldn't manage it with severance money only, then we wouldn't manage it at all. I'm just thinking we'll never have this much money at one time again, kwim? there's no way, or at least not before I'm too old to walk that we'll save that kind of money.

 

- but do you REALLY want to have to tell your caseworker you just got back from a family vacation to Sweden???

 

sigh.. no.. but then again I hope I don't need any caseworker at all...

 

And my "what if's" would probably bother me as I got closer - what if we have no income for xxx time...

 

sigh. me too......:(

[wide eyes & laughter]

if you have family or someone to care for your youngers at home. A compromise - get the dog fixed and GO to Sweden! The fence can wait. I'm thinking the A/C in the van can wait.... I hear you saying either this chunk of change will be nickel and dimed or you spend it on an educational field trip with your olders.

 

If you do go, make sure you let the Hive live vicariously....:D

[Murphy101]

if you have family or someone to care for your youngers at home. A compromise - get the dog fixed and GO to Sweden! The fence can wait. I'm thinking the A/C in the van can wait.... I hear you saying either this chunk of change will be nickel and dimed or you spend it on an educational field trip with your olders.

 

If you do go, make sure you let the Hive live vicariously....:D

 

sighing again... no neither of us have family. it's just dh and I against the world. (and I couldn't have picked a better guy either:001_wub:)

 

but yeah, nickel and dimed for NEEDS (minor yes, but still needs, esp if life doesn't pan out with a job afterwards) or one big wipe out on this trip

 

Well you could look at it as you doing your part to stimulate the economy. Hey, it's a sacrifice, but you are just that kind of special person to do it. For the country! ;)

 

lmbo!:lol: well you know I am a patriot!:patriot:

[HSMom2One]

I am a very responsible woman and have made many sacrifices over the years, more often than not doing the sensible and right thing. But along with that, there have been times that throwing all caution to the wind and doing something completely frivolous has been exactly what my children and I have needed. Foreign travel is educational and life changing. Frivolous perhaps, especially with the timing, but if your gut is say "GO", then follow your instincts and have the time of your life. You and your family will remember it for the rest of your lives.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Friederike in Persia]

No groundbreaking advice here, but I'd love to hear what you decide to do in the end!! I can understand both sides so well and would hate to make this decision.

[Lovedtodeath]

Around the World in 52 Weeks

 

2 Parents, 2 Kids, 52 Weeks,

28 Countries

 

Meet the Highams, whose decade of planning and saving paid off in a one-year trip around the world.

[KJB]

Plan a wonderful trip for later in life when all of your children are old enough to appreciate the experience and you can afford it.

 

European travel is just too expensive right now. You likely couldn't even share the room your dh already has. They would probably insist you have three rooms for a group your size. European hotel rooms tend to be small and the rules tend to be strict. And how will you get around once you're there? You'll need a large vehicle and they are difficult to find for rental. You might end up needing to rent two smaller car$. Even if you luck out and are able to rent a big enough vehicle, the streets aren't made for such a beast. Driving on narrow streets and parking can be very very difficult.

 

I understand wander lust and the desire for adventure, but when living expenses are on the line, and you never know what health crisis looms when you have that large a family, you're better off to be conservative. There will be a time in your life for travel. It's OK to "seize the day" if it's just you and hubby, but when you have so many little ones dependent on you I'd say you have to choose to be responsible. Heck, if you want to travel later with little kids, you can bring the grandkids!

 

Sorry. I would rather be cheering you on. If you ignore me, I hope you have a wonderful time! :grouphug:

[TeacherZee]

Actually going to Sweden for an American right now would be pretty cheap. The Dollar-SEK rate is horrendous for us right now:D

 

But you know you shouldn't do it.

 

Although Sweden in June-July is absolutely gorgeous. Best time to come.

 

But you shouldn't do it.

 

There is tons to see and do and it is really family friendly.

 

But you shouldn't do it...

 

Yeah I'm not helping am I:D:D

[G5052]

Plan a wonderful trip for later in life when all of your children are old enough to appreciate the experience and you can afford it.

 

European travel is just too expensive right now. You likely couldn't even Sorry. I would rather be cheering you on. If you ignore me, I hope you have a wonderful time! :grouphug:

 

Given the uncertainity of your husband's employment and the economy, I personally would never commit that much money to something I didn't need. The other things you need done are small, but sometimes you need to defer your dreams in order to take care of life.

[Heather in Neverland]

I feel for ya. I SOOOO wanted to blow our tax return on a Disney trip (even planned the whole thing out) but in the end we ended up paying bills with it. :( Being a grown-up sucks sometimes.

[Snickerdoodle]

Well, you could always go to IKEA and buy stuff from the food section. We once bought all the flavors of that fish in a tube thing and my husband and my little one loved it.

 

Buy a bunch of food stuff and rent Pippi LÃ¥ngstrump and call it your Swedish family night.

 

You could even turn it into a trip around the world done on Friday nights.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I absolutely love Europe and love to travel period. But if our family income were uncertain and I had outstanding loans (you mentioned car payments) . . . if I thought we were so close to the edge that we were going to qualify for foodstamps, then there is no way that I would be getting on a plane.

 

Have you considered that the passports alone cost $85 for each child under 16 (plus the photos) and can take weeks or even months to process? (That's a fair amount of freezer stocking right there.)

 

I'm sorry that this isn't really feasible for you right now. I really hope that someday it is. But the fact that you posted about it at all demonstrates that you know it's not a good idea.

[Susan Wise Bauer]

I'm posting this w/reservations because I wouldn't want to be responsible for pushing you guys into poverty. :001_smile:

 

But if it were me, I would GO GO GO. Life's short.

 

I thought the idea about only taking the older kids was brilliant, though. The younger ones won't remember a thing. If you can parcel them out to friends and family, even if it means taking a shorter trip, you'll save money and hassle. You have never been through a nightmare until you've taken a flock of small children through customs and passport control.

 

Susan

 

P.S. I will probably die in the poorhouse on the next bed over from Jenny in Atl.

[cathmom]

Actually going to Sweden for an American right now would be pretty cheap. The Dollar-SEK rate is horrendous for us right now:D

 

But you know you shouldn't do it.

 

Although Sweden in June-July is absolutely gorgeous. Best time to come.

 

But you shouldn't do it.

 

There is tons to see and do and it is really family friendly.

 

But you shouldn't do it...

 

Yeah I'm not helping am I:D:D

 

You are making it worse for me - you know I already wanted to go to Sweden!

 

Martha, ITA about the travel and large family thing. It totally sucks (to be blunt). My dds want to go to Scotland, my 5 yo thinks since I took my oldest to Germany when he was 5, that he should get a trip there too. Meantime it's too complicated to even go visit our family 400 miles away!

[Haiku]

I want to see the mountains Heidi was written for!

 

Pssst! The Alps are in Switzerland, not Sweden. :001_smile:

 

Tara

[Chris in VA]

I went to Sweden for my 20th anniversary. We went to Svartso, an island in their chain of islands--we took ferries to see Stockholm. We did it on the cheap--parishioners of ours gave us their house to use for a week.

 

It's beautiful. Truly. Circles of lush green isles set in pools of clear, impossibly blue water. Skies that darken only to bring twilight grey to the night, yet allow brilliant stars to shine. The people are friendly, the food not bad, the sites, charming.

 

I'd go. Go with hubby, by yourself. Make it a sweet time when your womanhood gets a chance to sing, when your husband gets a chance to see you as he married you--fresh, sweet, and with eyes only for him (however temporarily!). Renew your marriage while you feed your soul.

 

Then come home with lots of Swedish candy and fairytales and Pippi's for your kids. Tell them with sparkling eyes about the palace in Stockholm, the crown jewels, the interesting foods, and let them know that, as important as they are, their parents' marriage is equally important, and is the bond that came first and bore such wonderful fruit.

 

Yeah, go.

[lynn]

Go. Do not hesitate. Go have fun, enjoy. I agree with susan bring the older kids. Enjoy life in such a beautiful country.

[Parrothead]

If it were me I'd stay home. I'd stay home and plan the European tour of a lifetime. You are paying off everything but the mortgage. It is almost like starting over again. With dh's new job, XX amount is going to the travel fund no questions asked. Within a year you will probably have enough to have a wonderful trip that is paid for in advance with out the stress.

[lmrich]

OK, I will be the one to say don't go. I love to travel and we have been on some big trips, but it is work with 3 kids-can't imagine 11! However, if you must, just take the oldest. I do not if I could enjoy myself if were worrying about how we would survive when we got back home, but that is just me.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I would go. Can I go with you?

Are you Christian? Can you do the "God will provide" thing and not worry about your dog, van and fence?

 

I'd wait for a spay/neuter clinic to get the dog fixed cheap.

I'd sweat my way through the summer with no A/C in the van.

I'd buy chicken wire for the back fence so at least the dog won't get out (no matter how hillbilly the neighbors think it looks).

I'd eat Ramen for months (maybe with a few carrots thrown in for nutrition. Carrots are cheap).

When I got back, I'd look around for a babysitting job or anything else I could do to earn a few extra bucks, even if it meant selling my favorite pair of boots at a consignment shop.

 

Apply for passports now. Search high and low for cheap airfare/hotel rates and snag them before prices go up. Rent a Rick Steeves video about how to enjoy Sweden on the cheap.

[KarenNC]

Are you Christian? Can you do the "God will provide" thing and not worry about your dog, van and fence?

 

 

First, let me say that we did at one point (pre child) spend the bulk of a small inheritance on a trip to England rather than paying off bills, and we loved it. I have, when we were first married, at the last minute bought airline tickets to go join my husband across country for a long weekend when he was there for training for two weeks and I missed him too much. My daughter and I also accompanied my husband to San Francisco for a week a year and a half ago. *BUT* we both had stable jobs at the time of the first two trips and his job was stable at the third, and only on the third did we have the responsibility of a child and mortgage. We were also not in the sort of economy we are in now, where one cannot have a reasonable expectation of finding another job or better job in a relatively short time frame.

 

We have also not gone with my husband on many other business trips because it was not something we could afford at the time. Yes, I had my twinges (and sometimes pangs) of jealousy that he got to go somewhere interesting while I was at home, but I made a deliberate choice both to have a child and to stay at home with that child, losing a not inconsiderable additional income, knowing that would mean a change in the way we lived our lives. We have been dying to go back to England, or out to the Pacific Northwest, or lots of other places that we see our family and friends going, but it just isn't feasible at the moment. We have too many other responsibilities. It bites, but there it is.

 

This year, even with no known risk to his job, we have turned down the offer of my in-laws to take us back to Disney (they would pay for accommodations, and paid for my daughter's ticket to Magic Kingdom last time, we paid for some other things, and it would be driving---we did this about 3 years ago). Things are just too uncertain and we need to prepare for other eventualities first. We decided to throw caution to the winds and take them up on the same offer right after we bought our house, then took a long driving trip when he got his sabbatical the next year with our tax return because it looked like we could afford it. Within a couple of months we had to buy two new (used) cars because ours died unexpectedly within months of each other, prices began increasing, and other unanticipated expenses cropped up. We are still working on recovering from those decisions.

 

It seems that using one's severance pay this way in this particular sort of situation, would fall more under the "thou shall not tempt the Lord thy God" than "God will provide".

 

Bottom line, there's no way I could go in that situation, even if it were just me and my one child.

[HRAAB]

Go! And tell us all about it when you return.

 

Janet

[Heather in Neverland]

I went to Sweden for my 20th anniversary. We went to Svartso, an island in their chain of islands--we took ferries to see Stockholm. We did it on the cheap--parishioners of ours gave us their house to use for a week.

 

It's beautiful. Truly. Circles of lush green isles set in pools of clear, impossibly blue water. Skies that darken only to bring twilight grey to the night, yet allow brilliant stars to shine. The people are friendly, the food not bad, the sites, charming.

 

I'd go. Go with hubby, by yourself. Make it a sweet time when your womanhood gets a chance to sing, when your husband gets a chance to see you as he married you--fresh, sweet, and with eyes only for him (however temporarily!). Renew your marriage while you feed your soul.

 

Then come home with lots of Swedish candy and fairytales and Pippi's for your kids. Tell them with sparkling eyes about the palace in Stockholm, the crown jewels, the interesting foods, and let them know that, as important as they are, their parents' marriage is equally important, and is the bond that came first and bore such wonderful fruit.

 

Yeah, go.

 

 

OK, I change my mind...I like Chris's answer!!! :D

[Melinda]

I agree with Chris in VA, as well. Make it an adults-only trip, and take a million pictures. Spend some time there and come back to tell the kids all about it. :)

[Lovedtodeath]

I agree with Chris in VA, as well. Make it an adults-only trip, and take a million pictures. Spend some time there and come back to tell the kids all about it. :)

I am sorry you have no one to take your kids. I feel you, we can't even have a 2 hour date right now. In the past, my mom is the only one who can handle my special daughter without abusing her, and she has been very ill.

 

I think that Chucki has the right idea for sure! Plan to go when you will be less stressed over it. In the meantime, maybe you can find someone to take half the kids while you are gone.

 

And yes, I agree that it is the do not tempt category rather than the God will provide category.

 

Going with babies and bills looming over your head is not a good idea. Ask me about my last prepaid Disney trip. It is one of my worst memories. :( The company was being sold while we were there. I thought DH was having a heart attack, literally, and was frightened for his life. Meantime, the baby kept me from doing one last ride with DD and we almost missed the plane. IMO, It is not worth it to go on the spur of the moment with that many children.

 

But, read that article that I posted earlier and start planning. :)

[GailV]

I agree with Chris in VA, as well. Make it an adults-only trip, and take a million pictures. Spend some time there and come back to tell the kids all about it. :)

 

My parents took me to India when I was in high school -- old enough to remember the trip, etc. etc. And it was exciting, and memorable, and all the other things people are saying.

 

BUT, you know what? Thirty years later, it isn't really life-changing that I went. I don't look back at that moment as pivotal to my growth. India is still India, and my seeing it in the 1970s while I was in high school wasn't really that important -- I could figure out how to get there on my own now, or could've done so in the intervening years -- some things about the country have changed, some of remained the same. What I look back on is my parents' basic frugality -- we didn't have much money, but they saved up for that trip.

 

I also remember Mom and Dad's total open arms to people from other cultures -- the reason we went to India was to see friends there. My parents have friends all over the world, because they welcomed people from all over the world into their home. Now THAT was a great learning experience for a little kid -- before Internet and technological connections, we had people cooking exotic meals in our kitchen, sharing their culture, bringing their kids over to play.

 

It's the day-to-day living that your kids are going to remember. They're going to remember how you handled stress. They going to remember what your home is like, and the people who are/were welcomed there. Europe will still be there for them in 10 years, or in 30 years.

 

So, I vote adults only, too.

Edited February 26, 2009 by GailV
can't spell (which I originally typed as "cat' speel")

[asta]

I can actually give a first hand account of this having been done.

 

My father died suddenly when I was 11. My mom had enough insurance money to pay off the house and some "extras". Did she do that? No. She decided we needed a family trip to Disneyland.

 

So, she loaded us all up, and we went to San Diego for a week. We WENT. She rented a beach house (ON the beach), and we all "did" Disney.

 

Do I have vivid memories of Disney? Nope. I have vivid memories of having no heat in the house because we couldn't afford it. I remember the house starting to fall down around us because there was no money for basic repairs. I remember each of us having jobs in high school so we could buy clothes. I remember each one of us working 20-40 hours a week to get through college and my mom moaning "oh, I'd help, but there's just no money".

 

Then, when I was 20, she was in tears because the balloon payment on the mortgage was due, and she couldn't pay it. She ended up doing some weird financing thing, "selling" it to my oldest sister, and then sister's (now) ex-husband eventually sold it to buy himself a house out of town and a boat.

 

She actually "came into" money a good four times that I can remember, and each time, she did something she viewed as "once in a lifetime" - only none of them accomplished the most basic thing any of us were looking for: security. That we could have heat, cooling, clothes, and a roof.

 

I'm sure some people will think I'm selfish. I'm not worried about that. I think a parent's responsibility is to do everything in their power to get their kids to adult hood with the least amount of drama possible. I understand about "me" time and "couple" time, but I also understand that I chose to have a child, and in doing so, I gave up certain things. One of those things is being frivolous when it can adversely effect my child's well-being.

 

Before anyone mentions it, I realize that my mom had problems with money. I don't expect that anyone else will behave the way she did. I love my mom - fiercely - but I've spent a goodly chunk of the last 20 years listening to how sad she is that she "couldn't keep the ancestral home", and how she had to work until she was 70 because she "couldn't afford to quit". Yes, she could have. But she bought into the whole "blow the money today, the Lord will provide tomorrow" thing.

 

That still ticks me off. No one wants to see their parent not doing well. I mean, how do you explain to your kid that grandma has a corner on bad choices? It isn't easy.

 

/rant

 

 

asta

 

 

(p.s. Parents were divorced, so the death meant the child support ended - with no replacement except a bit of social security until we were 18; father had made a good 6 times what mother did)

[Murphy101]

I'm posting this w/reservations because I wouldn't want to be responsible for pushing you guys into poverty. :001_smile:

 

But if it were me, I would GO GO GO. Life's short.

 

I thought the idea about only taking the older kids was brilliant, though. The younger ones won't remember a thing. If you can parcel them out to friends and family, even if it means taking a shorter trip, you'll save money and hassle. You have never been through a nightmare until you've taken a flock of small children through customs and passport control.

 

Susan

 

P.S. I will probably die in the poorhouse on the next bed over from Jenny in Atl.

 

:) yes, life is short. to give a bit of history... on my perspective of the "do it after the kids are grown". Everyone I know saved every danged penny in the hope that one day they'd sit on the porch swing together or travel or retire to that boat on the coast or whatever their dream of growing old together was.

 

And you know what? It never happened. The wife died of cancer, the dad had a heart attack, there was a car accident, and so forth.

 

I know exactly ONE couple that actually retired. One. And even so, you know what grandpa said? He'd have been happier doing it when he was young enough to enjoy it fully and with his kids before they grew up and got so busy with their own lives that he only gets to visit with them once a month or even once a year.

 

I don't mind being responsible and paying what needs paid for. Really I don't. Heaven knows I'm used to doing it by now.

 

But I don't want to scrimp and scrape for decades in the hope of a day that never comes, kwim?

 

Oh and going with only the olders simply is not an option.

We have no family to watch the kids, even half of them is still 4 or 5.

And the youngest will only be 6 months old, not old enough for me to leave her with anyone for more than a couple hours.

 

I know.. it's all pipe dream anyway.

 

By the time we get enough money to go we'll be so old that we'll have to live through the kids doing it while we watch the grandchildren.

 

oh well grandchildren are some decent compensation I hear tell.

[Susan Wise Bauer]

Martha,

 

I think what you should take away from the variety of responses here is that you have the freedom to make either decision without feeling like you've done something wrong. I don't think this is a "right or wrong" kind of decision--it's more like "reckless vs. conservative," which means that you can make your choice without feeling any condemnation.

 

OK, I know this isn't biblical. It's just a proverb, not Scripture, so nobody jump on me. But I find it helpful: "Take what you like and pay for it, says God."

 

In other words, if you're willing to deal with the consequences, you have a whole lot of good options in life that don't fall under the heading of "wrong."

 

Hope that makes some kind of sense,

 

SWB

[KarenNC]

:) yes, life is short. to give a bit of history... on my perspective of the "do it after the kids are grown". Everyone I know saved every danged penny in the hope that one day they'd sit on the porch swing together or travel or retire to that boat on the coast or whatever their dream of growing old together was.

 

And you know what? It never happened. The wife died of cancer, the dad had a heart attack, there was a car accident, and so forth.

 

I know exactly ONE couple that actually retired. One. And even so, you know what grandpa said? He'd have been happier doing it when he was young enough to enjoy it fully and with his kids before they grew up and got so busy with their own lives that he only gets to visit with them once a month or even once a year.

 

I don't mind being responsible and paying what needs paid for. Really I don't. Heaven knows I'm used to doing it by now.

 

But I don't want to scrimp and scrape for decades in the hope of a day that never comes, kwim?

 

My mother died when she was 39, so I fully understand about the possibility of not retiring and the importance of living as much as possible in the moment because no moments in the future are guaranteed. That heart attack or car accident could happen tomorrow to either you or your husband. That is absolutely true.

 

If it were only a choice between "save this for retirement" or "go to Sweden", I would likely come down on the side of Sweden.

 

Even if your husband's job was as stable as possible in this economy and you had come into a small inheritance, I would likely come down on the side of Sweden. Sounds like you have been very responsible in paying off debt and doing your best to live within your means.

 

This isn't "do it now" vs. "do it when the kids are grown". In this case, this is "have some money to meet our basic living expenses because we know my husband is going to be out of a job with no guaranteed replacement before we even book the tickets" and "go to Sweden". It's "know I will have money to feed, clothe, shelter and provide adequate health care for my 9 children and fix the car in the next 6 months to a year if he can't find work" and "go to Sweden".

Edited February 26, 2009 by KarenNC

[Jean in CA]

I hope you can reach a personal peace with your decision. The worst thing you can do (hee hee, how would I know?) is to create a lose-lose situation for yourself: be depressed if you can't go, feel guilty if you do. yuk yuk.

 

Find a way to be happy (truly) with your choice. Good luck!

 

Jean

[The Governess]

I would research it first and see how doable it is with the money that you will have. Check into how many rooms you will need to book, what kind of transportation you'll be able to use (you may be able to do a lot just using public transportation, especially traveling during the summer), etc. Get a Lonely Planet guide - they are excellent for independent travelers and will tell you all about public transportation and other ways to cut expenses from your trip. Map out the whole trip and how much it will cost. You may also want to consider bringing along a friend or a responsible teenager to help you with the kids: you'll have to rent more than one hotel room, so they could be "in charge" in the other room. They can also help you carry luggage, babies, gear, etc. And then maybe you and your dh could get out a couple of nights for a date while you are there. :001_smile:

 

You can save on the cost of hotels by finding a hostel that is family friendly. Some hostels have family rooms with 4-6 beds. Others are dorm-style with bunks but you may be able to rent out a whole dorm room for your family and have it to yourselves. I'm not sure if your dh has a choice in the hotel he stays at or if the company would be open to giving him an allowance to spend?

 

Also, is your dh going to be occupied the whole time you're there or will he have a lot of time to spend with the family? If he's going to be working quite a bit, the location of the hotel is going to be extremely important. Will you be able to stay somewhere with easy access for you and the kids to do fun things while he's working? Or will you be stuck in a business district or suburb? These are the questions that would make or break the trip for me.

 

Finally, if it were *me* (which it's not, of course :tongue_smilie:) I would want to reserve at least one month of that severance pay for after the trip, just in case the business prospects of it didn't work out. If I could do that and still have enough money leftover to make that trip work, I would go for it. :D

[KJB]

:) yes, life is short. to give a bit of history... on my perspective of the "do it after the kids are grown"....

I don't mind being responsible and paying what needs paid for. Really I don't. Heaven knows I'm used to doing it by now.

 

But I don't want to scrimp and scrape for decades in the hope of a day that never comes, kwim?

 

 

 

Here's an idea for you. What if you take the money and call it trip money. You stick it in an account and you plan your trip for next year. Honestly, your husband already going isn't going to save you that much. If you add a little each month to the account, it will make up the difference.

 

Anyway, my thought is then you ride the year out and let your dh's employment stabilize while you plan. A year from now, if things are good and you've managed to not spend the money, you go. And in the meantime, you have to pretend the money isn't there! Keep reminding yourself the money is already spent for the trip, just as it would be if you'd already gone.

 

At least this way, you won't regret going and coming home to dire circumstances. A year from now your dh's employment will hopefully be something you can count on. If he doesn't find another job quickly, you have the security of the money tucked away. This also allows you to plan the trip of your dreams instead of being tied to your dh's business trip agenda.

[TXMomof4]

I'm posting this w/reservations because I wouldn't want to be responsible for pushing you guys into poverty. :001_smile:

 

But if it were me, I would GO GO GO. Life's short.

 

I thought the idea about only taking the older kids was brilliant, though. The younger ones won't remember a thing. If you can parcel them out to friends and family, even if it means taking a shorter trip, you'll save money and hassle. You have never been through a nightmare until you've taken a flock of small children through customs and passport control.

 

Susan

 

P.S. I will probably die in the poorhouse on the next bed over from Jenny in Atl.

 

One thing I've discovered in the last few years is that if I think there's no way I can afford it - there's no way I can afford it. However, when I bite the bullet and do the big stuff (like a month long trip to Germany and England with 4 children and no DH) that it is amazing how it all works. I've spent all of my life living like I'll never be able to do anything because money is tight. We used our tax rebate last year and just bought the tickets. Bit that big fat bullet and committed ourselves to go. It ended up being the greatest thing I've done in a very, very long time. I've already started saving up for the next trip - I'm not sure where it will be, but by golly, we're doing this again!

[Murphy101]

Here's an idea for you. What if you take the money and call it trip money. You stick it in an account and you plan your trip for next year. Honestly, your husband already going isn't going to save you that much. If you add a little each month to the account, it will make up the difference.

 

Anyway, my thought is then you ride the year out and let your dh's employment stabilize while you plan. A year from now, if things are good and you've managed to not spend the money, you go. And in the meantime, you have to pretend the money isn't there! Keep reminding yourself the money is already spent for the trip, just as it would be if you'd already gone.

 

At least this way, you won't regret going and coming home to dire circumstances. A year from now your dh's employment will hopefully be something you can count on. If he doesn't find another job quickly, you have the security of the money tucked away. This also allows you to plan the trip of your dreams instead of being tied to your dh's business trip agenda.

 

I like this idea...

I like it alot actually...

[WTMindy]

P.S. I will probably die in the poorhouse on the next bed over from Jenny in Atl.

 

Save me a bed!! Travel is the one thing I think is SOOO worth spending money on. Of course, my uber-practical husband would probably win out on this one and we'd do the responsible thing.

[Kate CA]

Here's an idea for you. What if you take the money and call it trip money. You stick it in an account and you plan your trip for next year. Honestly, your husband already going isn't going to save you that much. If you add a little each month to the account, it will make up the difference.

 

Anyway, my thought is then you ride the year out and let your dh's employment stabilize while you plan. A year from now, if things are good and you've managed to not spend the money, you go. And in the meantime, you have to pretend the money isn't there! Keep reminding yourself the money is already spent for the trip, just as it would be if you'd already gone.

 

At least this way, you won't regret going and coming home to dire circumstances. A year from now your dh's employment will hopefully be something you can count on. If he doesn't find another job quickly, you have the security of the money tucked away. This also allows you to plan the trip of your dreams instead of being tied to your dh's business trip agenda.

 

I think this is the wisest thing yet posted!

[cathmom]

One thing I've discovered in the last few years is that if I think there's no way I can afford it - there's no way I can afford it. However, when I bite the bullet and do the big stuff (like a month long trip to Germany and England with 4 children and no DH) that it is amazing how it all works. I've spent all of my life living like I'll never be able to do anything because money is tight. We used our tax rebate last year and just bought the tickets. Bit that big fat bullet and committed ourselves to go. It ended up being the greatest thing I've done in a very, very long time. I've already started saving up for the next trip - I'm not sure where it will be, but by golly, we're doing this again!

 

I'd like to hear more about your trip and what you did, how you managed, etc. Please PM me if you get a chance!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Here's an idea for you. What if you take the money and call it trip money. You stick it in an account and you plan your trip for next year. Honestly, your husband already going isn't going to save you that much. If you add a little each month to the account, it will make up the difference.

 

 

 

Oh my goodness, where are those green squares when you need them? You are so smart. This is a perfect answer.

 

Delayed gratification is still gratification. But this way you can be both gratified *and* virtuous.

[KarenNC]

Here's an idea for you. What if you take the money and call it trip money. You stick it in an account and you plan your trip for next year. Honestly, your husband already going isn't going to save you that much. If you add a little each month to the account, it will make up the difference.

 

Anyway, my thought is then you ride the year out and let your dh's employment stabilize while you plan. A year from now, if things are good and you've managed to not spend the money, you go. And in the meantime, you have to pretend the money isn't there! Keep reminding yourself the money is already spent for the trip, just as it would be if you'd already gone.

 

At least this way, you won't regret going and coming home to dire circumstances. A year from now your dh's employment will hopefully be something you can count on. If he doesn't find another job quickly, you have the security of the money tucked away. This also allows you to plan the trip of your dreams instead of being tied to your dh's business trip agenda.

 

Sounds like a *great* idea. You could even go to Switzerland instead if you wanted ;).

[alpidarkomama]

So, bank the severance payment. Hope that DH gets a job in less than 4 months, then use that extra month (or more) of severance to take a trip. We have a large family too. Yes, traveling is expensive with our 6. So we don't much. Except that annual yurt camping trip. Grandparents come to us. It's just the reality. And I don't resent a single, tiny moment of it when I look at my 4 yummy children!

 

We've been the recipient of a few windfalls... my husband, a couple of months before he got laid off (well, actually told that if he took the Passover holidays all off without pay he would no longer have a job... yes, this is legal if you're the only one who can perform your job function...) sold 2 website domain names. That saw us through nearly a year of un/underemployment (thank G-d!). Take the windfall as a really great safety net. Most recently, our car got "totaled" (a branch fell on it during a winter storm). The insurance paid us nearly what we paid for the car 3 years ago. All the damage was cosmetic only and we were able to fix it for $500, and leave a couple of dents on the roof that no one can even see. Where did the money go? Into the "next car" fund. So when this one dies we can pay for the next one IN CASH.

 

It may not be thrilling, but nothing is less thrilling than a financial crisis. Especially in this climate where many families are having difficulty. Keep to the fundamentals of what is really important and what will allow all of you to live a good life. A trip to Sweden might be fun and even "educational," but most of the benefits - especially of a one- or two-week tourist vacation - would be fleeting. The benefits of teaching your children to be financially responsible and careful will not be fleeting.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I love the idea of a vacation savings plan-a short term goal of maybe 5 years out. Go ahead and think of something big but feasible. Get the whole family involved in planning and learning about the destination. Maybe have 2 plans, one in the US and one abroad. Plan ahead for passports etc. Have a set period of time to brainstorms places, then vote on the candidates, then another big poster for everyone to list what they most want to do/see, then another vote, then when you have enough get dates, tickets, reservations etc. and set up your schedule. Could the older kids work on food budgets or ticket expenses? The planning could be lots of fun and a lot of learning with budget etc.

 

Keep in mind that the little ones won't remember the trip to Sweden now but they will remember (and possibly not understand) scrimping on food, clothes, toys and gifts if a new source of income isn't quick to show up.

 

That would pain me, as a parent, far more in the end.

 

Maybe if Dad is on the trip and the family is home you can send him with a small fund for cool (and educational) souvenirs. While he is gone you could pick up some travel films and maybe a Pipi movie and cook some Swedish food one night; read some books related to Sweden. Have the kids pick places for Dad to hit on a photo safari while he's there? Sometimes you have to make the best of the situation you don't want.

[Gretchen in NJ]

I'm going to be bad, as usually, GO!!!!! OMG GO!!!

 

 

 

But then I'm awful with money and will most likely die a poor woman, so don't listen to a word I say/write.

:iagree: You are bad. That is why we love you.;)

 

 

I would want to go too, but you shouldn't. You should stay home and pay off all of your bills.:tongue_smilie: Think about how great your are going to feel without them hanging over your head.