Figuring out how to dream, what you want

[regentrude]

11 hours ago, TexasProud said:

I don't know if it is the dream or not.  That was my question.  How do you know?  ... How do you know what you REALLY want? 

You try it and see.

Especially when it's so low stakes. You're not moving to New Zealand to try whether sheep farming is your dream.  You're just checking out the local community theater.

But instead of pondering whether it's the big dream, you could simply do it for a season. That should give some clarity. 

Edited July 21 by regentrude

[YaelAldrich]

6 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

When you win the lottery, get a passport and come to my place. We'll drive up the east coast to see the Quinkin rock art.

I might actually take you up on that. I think I'm coming in September and probably next year too! If you're interested that is!

[Rosie_0801]

11 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

I might actually take you up on that. I think I'm coming in September and probably next year too! If you're interested that is!

I might need a few years to save up 😂

[YaelAldrich]

41 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I might need a few years to save up 😂

No worries! I'll be coming back for a while! My DH is popular there....

[Rosie_0801]

18 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

No worries! I'll be coming back for a while! My DH is popular there....

How long do you typically stay?

[Carrie12345]

10 hours ago, TexasProud said:

How do you know what you REALLY want? 

I’ll say that one thing that really gets in my way is thinking about what I’m “supposed to” want.

I’m still pursuing my degree in the field that interests me most, but I found that going super hard at it (because of societal age expectations/limitations) was interfering with things that were more important to me. 

I’m slowly trying to shift away from what I think people think I should do, and it’s hard. But I know it’s way more rewarding than letting myself be pulled away from the lifestyle I enjoy most.

[marbel]

5 hours ago, regentrude said:

You try it and see.

Especially when it's so low stakes. You're not moving to New Zealand to try whether sheep farming is your dream.  You're just checking out the local community theater.

But instead of pondering whether it's the big dream, you could simply do it for a season. That should give some clarity. 

OP, have you ever actually looked into what the time commitments are for your local theater group? If they have open auditions where anyone can try out? What kinds of volunteers they are looking for? In other words, the things you'd need to know before dipping your toes in? Or are you just musing, or making assumptions that there are huge time commitments that aren't compatible with your travel. 

[YaelAldrich]

3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

How long do you typically stay?

1-2 weeks

[TexasProud]

36 minutes ago, marbel said:

OP, have you ever actually looked into what the time commitments are for your local theater group? If they have open auditions where anyone can try out? What kinds of volunteers they are looking for? In other words, the things you'd need to know before dipping your toes in? Or are you just musing, or making assumptions that there are huge time commitments that aren't compatible with your travel. 

I have and just looked again.  I basically only have three options:

In the town 20 to 30 minutes away:  The Children's Theater, my daughter did a ton of productions with it.  I like this because it would be fun to work with the children.  Most of their productions are for children only.  They do have maybe 1 big production a year and a fundraiser that adults can do.  I am a known entity there as a mom, so have more of an in. 

The Community Theater in the same town.  Their main musical tends to be in the summer. Auditions in April.  I could not go/lead our May Honduras mission trip. And that isn't really an option. It is a shame because our music minister is the music director for the shows, so I would be a known entity with a track record. 

The town that is an hour away has a couple of big musicals every summer.  But auditions are always during our May mission trip. And before you ask, our dates for the mission trip cannot be changed.  Another doc does the week before and those two weeks are best for a lot of the med students and residents that come with us.  Doing it a different time in the summer would cause several not to be able to go.   I am the one who communicates with the newbies on our team and am kind of the team mom.  I also lead the prayer team.  I also keep my husband sane as he leads the very, very complicated medical logistics during the week. 

Plus summer of 2025 we are going to do our big trip to Norway and Sweden for our 35th anniversary.  We only take big trips for our anniversary on the 5th years and our 30th was in the middle of Covid and consisted of sitting on the floor of my son's apartment after we moved him in and watching the Tom Hanks submarine movie. 

Also, these theaters tend to come up with their schedules for the year in the spring before the next school year.  So spring of 2024, they announced the 2024-2025.  We camp at state and national parks and have to make RV reservations 4 to 6 months in advance (like have the computer ready to pounce the minute the window opens or you don't get a spot). 

Also, a trip we have always wanted to do and will have to NOT do our mission trip in May a thing where you pick up an RV in Indiana and drive it to Alaska, then we would rent it for a week or two to camp around, return it and take an Alaska cruise.  That was actually supposed to be our very first trip when he retired, but Covid stopped it.  

All that said, maybe in 2026 or 2027  I could figure out a time to clear the schedule to do it.... if I really want to. 

 

[TexasProud]

11 hours ago, JennyD said:

Re Cal Newport:  I have read a number of his books and found them very interesting. However, I'm also always struck by how he is pretty clearly not writing for people whose main job is taking care of other people.  Which is fine -- not every book has to be targeted at every reader.  But occasionally I've thought about dropping him a line and saying, hey, have you ever considered writing about how your ideas might apply (or not) to those of us who are support staff, in work and/or in life?  Because THAT is a book I would really like to read.

 

 

Yes, he is VERY VERY clear that he writes for knowledge workers and people that work in an industry that is a little more determine your own schedule.  He totally acknowledges his strategies are not for everyone. 

[ScoutTN]

14 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

What is freedom?

If we're feeling insatiable, it's a mindset thing. There's something we have to make peace with, and that's probably ourselves.

If you're not a dreamer, your starvation isn't going to be cured by dreaming because that's not what you are hungry for.

Yes, this.

[Scarlett]

15 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

You REALLY don't want to make peace with the human condition, and making peace with the human condition is the only solution to the insatiability.

You are hungry for something you REALLY don't want to eat.

That is the real problem to solve. 

Or not, since you don't want to.

This is how I see you too @TexasProud.  So many times when I read your posts I think of the first chapter of Ecclesiastes. 

Edited July 21 by Scarlett

[TexasProud]

13 hours ago, Shelydon said:

Can I ask what ranch you went too? My father would like that. 

It was called the Wildcatter Ranch

https://wildcatterranch.com/stay

I'll be honest, it was more expensive than places where my husband and I stay. Our budget tends to be 100 bucks.  On top of the cost of the room, all of the activities are extra.  My step-dad had a stroke 20 years ago and lost most function of his left side and has a brace and a cane to get around.  I knew all he wanted was somewhere he could have nice views and read his book or play a game on his ipad.  I thought I might be able to get him to sit by the pool, but it was a no go.  So their cabins ( which are 4 to a building) have nice porches with nice views.  It was absolutely perfect for what I wanted and we only stayed 2 nights, which was also perfect.  It would be too expensive if I were going to take a whole family there and do activities.  This was a splurge of a room as an early birthday present for my step-dad. 

[TexasProud]

And I know we have concentrated on theater.  But what about writing.  What do I really want with my writing.  I don't know. Do I want to be published?  Maybe?  That said, this article made me stand up and cheer. I hate what the whole internet thing has done.  I am considering completely getting off of the internet entirely, but then I would be completely isolated. 

https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2024/july-web-only/obscurity-influence-christian-publishing-industry-ministry.html?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0smyhYCizqh94oDUnCWAdeWX64JGJbqSwFKuNsRRe-UVVse9fZ5M80rwY_aem_eg2IH5YcaWECnsFRvJP3Yg

[TexasProud]

Honestly, sometimes I just wish the Lord would take me where I could live happily every after for eternity. No more trying to figure stuff out.  No more living in this awful world with so much death, hatred, etc.  I have told him he can take me anytime.  I won't do anything to hasten it, but he is welcome to take me so that I can live with him for eternity where there are no more tears and life is good and I don't have to try anymore.

Off to church.  I have so much I need to get done.  I have two girls coming to stay with me for a week starting on Wednesday, so I am deep cleaning. (Started yesterday. A few rooms each day should do it.) I have a ton of pears that I need to can, and I might also make a pear pie to take to church tomorrow for the staff.  I haven't created my podcast or my blog for tomorrow.  So I am not coming on here again until that is all done.  

Off to see my friends at church. 

Edited July 21 by TexasProud

[Rosie_0801]

How can anything ever be enough when you don't believe anything you do or are can be enough? You don't believe in enough-ness.

[regentrude]

@TexasProud I read your replies to the other posters. Once again, what struck me (with a sense of deja vu) is your long list of BUTs.
I'm saying this with love and concern: you can have many things, but you cannot have them at the same time, and you need to make peace with it.
If you want to go on mission trips AND RV trips in places that require 6 months reservations (there are alternatives to that) AND travel to Norway AND RV from Indiana to Alaska, then you simply cannot, at that same time, be home in your community to do local things.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about this fact. You can only decide NOT to do XYZ so that you can use that time to do ABC. 

You sound as if decision making is very difficult for you. It appears that you are viewing things at high-stakes and taking them very seriously. Perhaps you might feel less of a weight if you reframe: where and when you travel is, ultimately, a minor decision that is not of tremendous consequence. (You could, for example, instead of making a 6 month reservation in a national park, camp spontaneously in a national forest at the end of a road spur.)
Yes, you will probably come up with many reasons why that is not possible.

Perhaps you can come to a point where you see having such wide array of choices as a gift instead of a burden. You are in the privileged position that you do not have to work for a living and that we're only talking about the decision how to spend your spare time. Put things into perspective. There's no perfect, but many very good options.

 

[Terabith]

What if you alternated travel heavy years with stay at home and try community theater/ book groups/ church activities/ etc years?  You simply can’t do everything at the same time, and it sounds like what you want more than a big goal is to build relationships and roots in your community.  

[Carol in Cal.]

I would question your spiritual nourishment, personally, at this point.  You seem to have a deep anxiety, a deep discontent, and a deep guilt about these, and that's a spiritual problem.

There are strands of Christianity that, while they believe in the Gospel, their emphasis day to day and sermon to sermon is fostering an anxious inner seeking that ultimately ends up focusing on deficiencies in yourself, over and over--deficiencies ranging from actual sinful behavior to sinful thoughts to less than ideal faith to less than ideal good works and service to others.  I consider this to be spiritually unbalanced.  While Christians are supposed to examine themselves, they are also supposed to enjoy God and delight in Him and in the forgiven and renewed life that He has clothed them with and the grace He has given them by which they can stand, stand before Him and before others.  Maybe try focusing there for a while, and the rest could fall into place.

Edited July 21 by Carol in Cal.

[Frances]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

Honestly, sometimes I just wish the Lord would take me where I could live happily every after for eternity. No more trying to figure stuff out.  No more living in this awful world with so much death, hatred, etc.  I have told him he can take me anytime.  I won't do anything to hasten it, but he is welcome to take me so that I can live with him for eternity where there are no more tears and life is good and I don't have to try anymore.

Having been raised Catholic, I have to say that your brand of Christianity is very foreign to me. From the outside, it seems like you live a very blessed life with a wonderful, loving marriage, financial security, numerous opportunities for travel, ability to pursue your desires (eg seminary degree, writing, choir, etc), opportunities to make a difference (medical mission trips), but it’s never enough and you’re always searching for certainty and clarity. And the out you want is to die so everything will be perfect?

Have you ever considered that maybe your religion is the problem? That maybe Christianity isn’t the religion for you and you need to explore other religions? Or at least a very different denomination within Christianity? It just seems to me you would have a very different view on things if say you were a Catholic or a Buddhist.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

I have and just looked again.  I basically only have three options:

In the town 20 to 30 minutes away:  The Children's Theater, my daughter did a ton of productions with it.  I like this because it would be fun to work with the children.  Most of their productions are for children only.  They do have maybe 1 big production a year and a fundraiser that adults can do.  I am a known entity there as a mom, so have more of an in. 

The Community Theater in the same town.  Their main musical tends to be in the summer. Auditions in April.  I could not go/lead our May Honduras mission trip. And that isn't really an option. It is a shame because our music minister is the music director for the shows, so I would be a known entity with a track record. 

The town that is an hour away has a couple of big musicals every summer.  But auditions are always during our May mission trip. And before you ask, our dates for the mission trip cannot be changed.  Another doc does the week before and those two weeks are best for a lot of the med students and residents that come with us.  Doing it a different time in the summer would cause several not to be able to go.   I am the one who communicates with the newbies on our team and am kind of the team mom.  I also lead the prayer team.  I also keep my husband sane as he leads the very, very complicated medical logistics during the week. 

Plus summer of 2025 we are going to do our big trip to Norway and Sweden for our 35th anniversary.  We only take big trips for our anniversary on the 5th years and our 30th was in the middle of Covid and consisted of sitting on the floor of my son's apartment after we moved him in and watching the Tom Hanks submarine movie. 

Also, these theaters tend to come up with their schedules for the year in the spring before the next school year.  So spring of 2024, they announced the 2024-2025.  We camp at state and national parks and have to make RV reservations 4 to 6 months in advance (like have the computer ready to pounce the minute the window opens or you don't get a spot). 

Also, a trip we have always wanted to do and will have to NOT do our mission trip in May a thing where you pick up an RV in Indiana and drive it to Alaska, then we would rent it for a week or two to camp around, return it and take an Alaska cruise.  That was actually supposed to be our very first trip when he retired, but Covid stopped it.  

All that said, maybe in 2026 or 2027  I could figure out a time to clear the schedule to do it.... if I really want to. 

 

So you can skip the May medical mission trip to travel, but not to do theatre? It sounds like you’ve answered your own question. Travel is the dream right now, whether for pleasure, to see others, or to serve, not community theatre. Although why you can only do the Alaska thing in May or the Europe trip in the summer is a bit of a mystery to me. We have a summer anniversary, but never choose to travel then. I far prefer the less crowded and cooler weather fall season.

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Frances said:

Having been raised Catholic, I have to say that your brand of Christianity is very foreign to me. From the outside, it seems like you live a very blessed life with a wonderful, loving marriage, financial security, numerous opportunities for travel, ability to pursue your desires (eg seminary degree, writing, choir, etc), opportunities to make a difference (medical mission trips), but it’s never enough and you’re always searching for certainty and clarity. And the out you want is to die so everything will be perfect?

Have you ever considered that maybe your religion is the problem? That maybe Christianity isn’t the religion for you and you need to explore other religions? Or at least a very different denomination within Christianity? It just seems to me you would have a very different view on things if say you were a Catholic or a Buddhist.

I don't think it is the religion, TP has openly shared some of her struggles on this board, and it is not because of Christianity.

 

[DawnM]

I struggle with knowing what I want too.   I mean, I know a lot of things I want, but narrowing it down to what is doable time and money wise, is tough.

I still don't know how much longer I will be working.   Part of me wants to keep working for the health insurance but part of me doesn't think I can keep going that long, nor do I want to!

I want to travel, but with Andrew only staring 1st grade, we have a bit of an issue there.   He really needs the support a school can give him and I don't forsee homeschooling him.   So, that limits our actual dream.   

Right now, we have decided that we will pick a place every summer for at least a 2 week trip.   Next year is part of Europe.   DH's firm shuts down for the week of July 4th and as long as we attach the trip to that, he doesn't have to use that week as PTO.   

 

 

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I would question your spiritual nourishment, personally, at this point.  You seem to have a deep anxiety, a deep discontent, and a deep guilt about these, and that's a spiritual problem.

There are strands of Christianity that, while they believe in the Gospel, their emphasis day to day and sermon to sermon is fostering an anxious inner seeking that ultimately ends up focusing on deficiencies in yourself, over and over--deficiencies ranging from actual sinful behavior to sinful thoughts to less than ideal faith to less than ideal good works and service to others.  I consider this to be spiritually unbalanced.  While Christians are supposed to examine themselves, they are also supposed to enjoy God and delight in Him and in the forgiven and renewed life that He has clothed them with and the grace He has given them by which they can stand, stand before Him and before others.  Maybe try focusing there for a while, and the rest could fall into place.

I would argue this is a mental health problem and has nothing to do with her commitment to her spiritual life.   Medications, therapy, and mental health help can be done in a Christian setting if that is what she prefers, but this because she isn't "doing Christianity the right way."

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I would question your spiritual nourishment, personally, at this point.  You seem to have a deep anxiety, a deep discontent, and a deep guilt about these, and that's a spiritual problem.

There are strands of Christianity that, while they believe in the Gospel, their emphasis day to day and sermon to sermon is fostering an anxious inner seeking that ultimately ends up focusing on deficiencies in yourself, over and over--deficiencies ranging from actual sinful behavior to sinful thoughts to less than ideal faith to less than ideal good works and service to others.  I consider this to be spiritually unbalanced.  While Christians are supposed to examine themselves, they are also supposed to enjoy God and delight in Him and in the forgiven and renewed life that He has clothed them with and the grace He has given them by which they can stand, stand before Him and before others.  Maybe try focusing there for a while, and the rest could fall into place.

This brings to mind John pipers Christian hedonism

 

https://www.desiringgod.org/topics/christian-hedonism#joy-changes-everything

Edited July 21 by fairfarmhand

[Spryte]

OP, you might enjoy listening to the Happiness Lab podcast, which is based on actual science and contains info geared toward every human. She teaches a class on happiness at Yale. You can start at the beginning to get the story about how the class began:

 https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/the-happiness-lab-with-dr-laurie-santos?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAACnl4kii56R3tYYwRfrLSvqKD262K

 

Edited July 21 by Spryte

[Clarita]

I just looked up Cal Newport. His main focus seems to be on productivity and what does it mean. So I would assume if he's talking about a dream, he is coming from a place where this dream is already something you know you want to accomplish. Then he would be talking about how do you go about pursuing this dream.

https://calnewport.com/the-most-important-piece-of-career-advice-you-probably-never-heard-2/ This might be what you are referring to?

It seems a lot of his stuff is geared toward people looking for careers. Based on this short article I think what he is saying is instead of (I'm using musical theatre only because we've talked about this a bunch on this thread) having your dream career (or the one you decide you want to pursue) be I want to be a performer on broadway (musical theatre), look at the parts of musical theatre that brings you contentment/joy/happiness. Is it the singing? Is it the dancing? Is it performing? Is it receiving praise? Is the practicing with a deadline? Is it working within a group? Is it the spotlight? etc. Once you find those actual reasons you may find that musical theatre is not the only pursuit that will give you that satisfaction.

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

And I know we have concentrated on theater.  But what about writing.  What do I really want with my writing.  I don't know. Do I want to be published?  Maybe? 

This is the opposite of what I hear from Cal Newport when I read his blurb. Instead of thinking about whether you "want" to have a published book. Think about what you want your writing life to look like. (FYI writing is totally out of my element.) Do you want to write everyday for an hour? Do you just want to write occasionally? Is it writing on paper or it doesn't matter to you? Do you want to work on long pieces (novel) or short pieces (paragraph or page)? Does it matter to you what you are writing, maybe you would rather the writing be assigned?

From here you'll answer your own questions of whether you want to be published or not. You'll see the amount of work it takes to get published and do you want your days to be like that. If not, then no you don't want to publish. Maybe you only want to write when an idea comes to your head so, the thing to do might be to find a place that will just accept articles and you just write once in a while and send it off to them. Maybe you don't want to be rejected or ignored so you write stuff in the church bulletin/newsletter/Bible study/Sunday school so every week a group of people is forced to read your stuff and you get feedback on your work every week. 

I guess the question isn't what you want with your writing, it's what do you want your writing life to look like.

[regentrude]

4 hours ago, TexasProud said:

But what about writing.  What do I really want with my writing.  I don't know. Do I want to be published?  Maybe?  That said, this article made me stand up and cheer. I hate what the whole internet thing has done.  I am considering completely getting off of the internet entirely, but then I would be completely isolated. 

https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2024/july-web-only/obscurity-influence-christian-publishing-industry-ministry.html?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR0smyhYCizqh94oDUnCWAdeWX64JGJbqSwFKuNsRRe-UVVse9fZ5M80rwY_aem_eg2IH5YcaWECnsFRvJP3Yg

For every writer, the actual writing and the work of publishing and marketing compete for the finite amount of time. Every writer has to find the balance for themselves.
The internet has made the process more democratic and accessible and easier. You do not have to find an agent, send book proposals out, get a contract with a publishing house. You can find a variety of ways to publish without going through these channels.
Since you do not need to make a living off your writing, you have the freedom to decide how much work you want to put into monetizing your writing. If you don't want to market, you could write on your blog, or you could print and bind little paper booklets at home and give them away or sell for a nominal fee. If you hope to make money, you can self-publish and sell your books online but will have to spend some energy on marketing.

The beauty is that it is completely up to you how you divide your time. I know writers who just write and who get happiness and satisfaction from the creative process without publishing. I know writers who find joy in creating small books to give them away. I know writers who are prolific and publish book after book with a variety of small independent publishers.

You need to ask your self what you get out of the writing. Do you enjoy the process? Do you do it for the recognition? Do you do it because you feel you "should"? 

ETA: But I feel we had this very same conversation many, many times before.

Edited July 21 by regentrude

[livetoread]

3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

How can anything ever be enough when you don't believe anything you do or are can be enough? You don't believe in enough-ness.

I think Rosie is on to something here. Contentment isn't easy for many people, especially when there are so many messages that bombard us about needing to do more and be more and change this and change that - and only then will you be happy (not to mention FOO issues you have had to deal with). I think it's quite possible you have all the ingredients necessary to be content and fulfilled already in your life. There are some tenants of Buddhism that don't necessarily conflict with Christianity that might be helpful for you, especially the ones that folks are applying to acceptance and contentment. Doing musical theater versus traveling or traveling versus musical theater isn't going to quiet that voice that keeps telling you you aren't enough as is. It's that voice that is wrecking your contentment.

[SKL]

I agree with the idea of listing the things that actually made you feel happy / satisfied in the moment.

Also, what is wrong with doing things for others?  It's a natural part of human existence.  In your case, you can make a choice to do a service from time to time, like what you described about your recent trips.  The fact that these help others shouldn't taint it.

I think I suggested in another thread to look for one-off service opportunities that don't involve a long-term commitment.  These can be fun and fulfilling without a side of obligation /resentment.  They can also give you ideas for things you may or may not want to do in the longer term.

It's great that you are able to look around for something you really want to do because you don't have a ton of obligations in your current life.  This is also, frankly, rare.  And maybe that's why it's not easy to find a ready list of things we can do for fun all year long.

Off the service topic - I would also suggest looking for the adult version of "mini camps" available near you.  For example, my community has a number of organizations that offer one-off classes (for adults, often free) on a very wide variety of topics.  Arts & crafts, science & technology, genealogy, history, geography, physical activities, and so on.  These also provide resources for further pursuing whichever topics spark your interest.  Besides being a reason to get out and be with people, this may help you to find that longer-term hobby or purpose you are looking for.  If not, the sunk cost is small.

[SKL]

Also - can your 2024-25 personal happiness goal be to explore and make progress on setting "me goals" for 2025-2026 and beyond?  You seem to want to be very intentional about this, and it takes time to do that right.

[SKL]

And yet another thing:  if you're anything like me, your deep cleaning will clear lots of pathways in your mind, and help you think more clearly about the future.  So I'd just put this train of thought on the back burner for now as you roll up your sleeves.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

I don't think it is the religion, TP has openly shared some of her struggles on this board, and it is not because of Christianity.

 

It seems to be at least part of it to me. Having been raised in a very Catholic and mainstream Protestant area and not encountering evangelical Christians until college, she certainly reminds me of most of the Christians I encountered there with an intense focus on both self and their relationship with Jesus. Most Catholics I know would see her life as very blessed and would view the difficult struggles as what is to be expected in life and would offer up that suffering. At barely 60 and in good health they would not being asking God to take them home to eternity.

[marbel]

There is a large range of belief and practice under the umbrella of Christianity. My particular flavor doesn't focus on performance (being good enough), and has plenty to say about contentment and acceptance of God's gifts, both the wanted and the unwanted. I've known so many people whose mental and emotional health was damaged by bad church teaching. I don't know anything about OP's church/denomination so I'm not saying her problems stem from that, but it's certainly possible, in my (general) experience (not experience with OP or her church). 

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Frances said:

It seems to be at least part of it to me. Having been raised in a very Catholic and mainstream Protestant area and not encountering evangelical Christians until college, she certainly reminds me of most of the Christians I encountered there with an intense focus on both self and their relationship with Jesus. Most Catholics I know would see her life as very blessed and would view the difficult struggles as what is to be expected in life and would offer up that suffering. At barely 60 and in good health they would not being asking God to take them home to eternity.

I understand what you are saying to some degree, but this isn't a Catholic/Protestant thing IMO, this is a Texas Mama thing and she is dealing with it.   How can you assign "all protestants" with her comment?   I mean, I could find some random Catholic who says something I don't agree with, but I would never ascribe it to "all Catholics must think this way."

[forty-two]

7 hours ago, regentrude said:

You sound as if decision making is very difficult for you. It appears that you are viewing things at high-stakes and taking them very seriously. Perhaps you might feel less of a weight if you reframe: where and when you travel is, ultimately, a minor decision that is not of tremendous consequence.

One thing that has helped me "lower the stakes" when picking between several good options is to remind myself that *they are all good options*.  It's a low stakes choice *precisely* because all the options are good - even if I pick one that I don't enjoy as much as I thought, it was still inherently a *good thing* and thus worth doing.  When all the choices are inherently good options, and there's no constraints forcing one over another - then no matter which one I pick, it's a *good choice*.

~*~

IDK if this applies to the OP, but I find it extremely hard to trade a bird in the hand for two in the bush.  AKA, I find it hard to give up a good thing I have in order to pursue a different good thing that might be better but also might not be.  The number one place I feel this is with dh's job.  He's a pastor, and it's not uncommon to receive a call to a new church while you are still happily ministering at your current church.  The whole idea of making this choice is anxiety-provoking to me.  Well, so far God has not required us to do so: God has closed the door in one place before opening the door to the new place.  That's hard in its own way, but a hard I find it easier to deal with. 

In general the OP appears reluctant to give up the good things she is currently pursuing in order to make space for pursuing a new and different good, in part because she seems worried that the new good won't prove to have been worth giving up the old goods.  IMO, it's not ridiculous to decide to stick with old favorites unless/until the door closes on one of them, so long as you are aware of the choice you are making.  Maybe OP can pray that either God gives her an opening for a new thing that's compatible with her current life, or that the sign it's time to make a change is the door closing on one of her current things.

Edited July 21 by forty-two

[prairiewindmomma]

Is this tied to the legacy/recognition thing for you? In previous threads you mentioned that being remembered and receiving recognition is really important to you. This dream fulfillment thing seems to kind of tie into this. 
 

I dont seem to be wired the same way. I dont really have big dreams. I am totally ok fading into mists of time. I’m not important to anyone other than my immediate family and I am totally ok with that. This is how it goes for the very vast majority of humanity. It doesnt mean that my life doesnt have meaning or value or that I am worth less than the person next to me. I just have a smaller footprint in time. 
 

This does seem to bother you, though, so it’s worth exploring why that is…

[marbel]

29 minutes ago, DawnM said:

this is a Texas Mama thing

What does this mean?  

[DawnM]

16 minutes ago, marbel said:

What does this mean?  

Meaning it isn't a religious thing.  I didn't mean it rudely, although now that I see it, maybe it came across that way,. I was more just saying that I don't think it is because she "doesn't believe correctly" or "should believe X or Y in her religion".  That was all I meant by it.   And I meant Texas Proud.

I probably shouldn't weigh in after 30 hours of flying and only a few hours of sleep, it isn't coming out right.

Edited July 21 by DawnM

[maize]

2 hours ago, Frances said:

It seems to be at least part of it to me. Having been raised in a very Catholic and mainstream Protestant area and not encountering evangelical Christians until college, she certainly reminds me of most of the Christians I encountered there with an intense focus on both self and their relationship with Jesus. Most Catholics I know would see her life as very blessed and would view the difficult struggles as what is to be expected in life and would offer up that suffering. At barely 60 and in good health they would not being asking God to take them home to eternity.

There's a lot of anxiety and probably some depression at play.

Those things exist outside the bounds of religion.

[regentrude]

5 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Meaning it isn't a religious thing.  

But a flavor of religion that elevates productivity to a moral virtue and a way to earn God's approval does play into the mental issues in a deeply harmful way,

[marbel]

29 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Meaning it isn't a religious thing.  I didn't mean it rudely, although now that I see it, maybe it came across that way,. I was more just saying that I don't think it is because she "doesn't believe correctly" or "should believe X or Y in her religion".  That was all I meant by it.   And I meant Texas Proud.

I probably shouldn't weigh in after 30 hours of flying and only a few hours of sleep, it isn't coming out right.

I didn't think you were being rude (I wondered if I sounded rude) but I thought there was some specific meaning to it, related to Texas the state, not Texas the person. Thanks for responding!

[marbel]

34 minutes ago, maize said:

There's a lot of anxiety and probably some depression at play.

Those things exist outside the bounds of religion.

Of course they do. But often Christians are encouraged to simply pray about it, rather than seeking professional help. (I do know TP has spoken here about professionals not being able to help her and I have no idea if her spiritual leaders have discouraged her or not.) 

And just to be clear that I am not anti-religion: I have a strong belief in Christ as Savior and Lord. But I can still recognize that there can be problems with religion as sometimes practiced. 

Edited July 21 by marbel

[DawnM]

15 minutes ago, marbel said:

I didn't think you were being rude (I wondered if I sounded rude) but I thought there was some specific meaning to it, related to Texas the state, not Texas the person. Thanks for responding!

Oh yes, let's blame Texas the state for all of it.   🤣   Just kidding.....

[Frances]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

I understand what you are saying to some degree, but this isn't a Catholic/Protestant thing IMO, this is a Texas Mama thing and she is dealing with it.   How can you assign "all protestants" with her comment?   I mean, I could find some random Catholic who says something I don't agree with, but I would never ascribe it to "all Catholics must think this way."

I’m most definitely not saying all Protestants, in fact, I clearly stated that I grew up in a Catholic and mainstream Protestant area and was very familiar with those brands of Christianity. The evangelical, born again Christians I encountered in college were an entirely different breed and she reminds me of them in general. Are there exceptions, of course. But the intense focus on self and one’s relationship with one’s Lord and Savior is not something I ever experienced until encountering born again Christians in college. Also, in general, much more black and white thinking rather than shades of grey. 

Edited July 21 by Frances

[Frances]

1 hour ago, maize said:

There's a lot of anxiety and probably some depression at play.

Those things exist outside the bounds of religion.

Of course there is. But certain religious traditions, faiths, churches, etc. can definitely bring it to the surface and make it worse. I would say, for example, that some things about Catholicism can exacerbate anxiety and depression in some people and that’s the religion in which I was raised. I think it was that way for me. On the other hand, it can bring others great comfort, which I think is more how my mom experiences it.

Edited July 21 by Frances

[TexasProud]

9 hours ago, regentrude said:

 

You sound as if decision making is very difficult for you. It appears that you are viewing things at high-stakes and taking them very seriously. 

Perhaps you can come to a point where you see having such wide array of choices as a gift instead of a burden. You are in the privileged position that you do not have to work for a living and that we're only talking about the decision how to spend your spare time. Put things into perspective. There's no perfect, but many very good options.

 

Yes it all feels very heavy as if they are all moral choices. 

3 hours ago, forty-two said:

 

IDK if this applies to the OP, but I find it extremely hard to trade a bird in the hand for two in the bush.  AKA, I find it hard to give up a good thing I have in order to pursue a different good thing that might be better but also might not be.  The number one place I feel this is with dh's job.  He's a pastor, and it's not uncommon to receive a call to a new church while you are still happily ministering at your current church.  The whole idea of making this choice is anxiety-provoking to me.  Well, so far God has not required us to do so: God has closed the door in one place before opening the door to the new place.  That's hard in its own way, but a hard I find it easier to deal with. 

In general the OP appears reluctant to give up the good things she is currently pursuing in order to make space for pursuing a new and different good, in part because she seems worried that the new good won't prove to have been worth giving up the old goods.  IMO, it's not ridiculous to decide to stick with old favorites unless/until the door closes on one of them, so long as you are aware of the choice you are making.  Maybe OP can pray that either God gives her an opening for a new thing that's compatible with her current life, or that the sign it's time to make a change is the door closing on one of her current things.

Thank you.  Yes, this is definitely part of it.  And yes, I have been praying for discernment.

Edited July 21 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

4 hours ago, Frances said:

 Most Catholics I know would see her life as very blessed and would view the difficult struggles as what is to be expected in life and would offer up that suffering. At barely 60 and in good health they would not being asking God to take them home to eternity.

Yes, that is the way my religion would view it as well.  After all, Jesus did say that in this world we will have troubles.  And yes, they would be absolutely horrified at what I am saying.  And yes, everyone sees my life as very blessed.  Heck, I do to.  Which is why I only talk about how I feel way, way down deep on here. 

[TexasProud]

@DawnM  Glad you are back safely and I knew what you meant.  No worries. 

 

Ok everyone as far as my religion.  Salvation is by grace alone.  God loves me.  I have to do nothing else to earn that love.  I have accepted Christ as my Savior, therefore I am going to heaven.  No amount of good works will do anything else.  God wants us to enjoy life.   Pretty much if anyone from my church read what I have written on here would be completely horrified. Which is why I don't say it there. 

[TexasProud]

6 hours ago, regentrude said:

For every writer, the actual writing and the work of publishing and marketing compete for the finite amount of time. Every writer has to find the balance for themselves.
The internet has made the process more democratic and accessible and easier. You do not have to find an agent, send book proposals out, get a contract with a publishing house. You can find a variety of ways to publish without going through these channels.
Since you do not need to make a living off your writing, you have the freedom to decide how much work you want to put into monetizing your writing. If you don't want to market, you could write on your blog, or you could print and bind little paper booklets at home and give them away or sell for a nominal fee. If you hope to make money, you can self-publish and sell your books online but will have to spend some energy on marketing.

The beauty is that it is completely up to you how you divide your time. I know writers who just write and who get happiness and satisfaction from the creative process without publishing. I know writers who find joy in creating small books to give them away. I know writers who are prolific and publish book after book with a variety of small independent publishers.

You need to ask your self what you get out of the writing. Do you enjoy the process? Do you do it for the recognition? Do you do it because you feel you "should"? 

ETA: But I feel we had this very same conversation many, many times before.

Yes, I know that and that is part of what I am asking. I don't know what I want as far as the writing.  I understand.  In fact, I almost prefaced my comment with yes, I know I can do whatever I want. I don't know what I want.  I just really, really do not know.  Yes, you have said this before, but I am no close to knowing what I want.  I get that it is all my decision. I get it. I know that it is totally up to me....  But now what??????