How does that read for you?

[regentrude]

A friend moved away last summer, and I have not seen her since. I found out she is going to be in town for a week and sent her a message, asking whether she wants to get together, and that it would be great to see her. The response: "I can block an hour next Tuesday between 9 and 1".

To me, this reads like: "I wasn't actually planning on getting together and it's not particularly high on my priority list but if you absolutely must, that is where I can squeeze you in."

I understand busy lives. I understand not being able to make it. But something along the lines of "Oh, I'd love to see you, but I'll be terribly busy, so I'm afraid I only have...." or something like this would go a long way. 
Am I completely off-base here?

[Hannah]

I would wonder if the friendship means as much to her as it did to me.  This sounds like she is scheduling just another business meeting.  Or doing you a favour.

Edited April 3 by Hannah

[Catwoman]

An hour? She can block you in? 

How generous of her. 🙄

No thanks!!!

Seriously, could she be any more impersonal about it?! It sounds more like she's scheduling you for a dental cleaning than lunch with a friend! UGH.

Edited April 3 by Catwoman

[Katy]

You’re not off-base. But I’d assume the best (she’s very busy and wasn’t thinking about how it sounded) unless she did something similar again. I’d probably respond with, “It sounds like you’re too busy this time. Maybe next visit will work better.”

[Lori D.]

Some people are very brief and to the point in texts, and don't include emotion (emojis) or context to expand on their text. I have learned--after more than once very wrongly misinterpreting brevity for curtness or other negative motivation 😉 --to try not to read in more than what is there.

If in doubt, you can always ask a clarifying question. 😄 

Edited April 3 by Lori D.

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

You’re not off-base. But I’d assume the best (she’s very busy and wasn’t thinking about how it sounded) unless she did something similar again. I’d probably respond with, “It sounds like you’re too busy this time. Maybe next visit will work better.”

That's what I am going to do. The time window allocated does not work for my because I work.

[SKL]

It doesn't sound very warm, but we don't know what her situation was at the moment she sent that.  Maybe she felt like she had a very tight window in which to respond, so she didn't take time to make it sound pretty.  Or, maybe she doesn't have much desire to meet you.

Since her time frame doesn't work for you, there's no need to worry about imposing on her patience if it's the latter.  Maybe future interactions will provide a clearer picture.

If I was free at that time and had really wanted to meet up, I might meet her, just to get a better feel face-to-face.  It would inform me about whether I should bother trying to meet her next time around.

[gardenmom5]

do know why she's in town?  death in the family? moving an elderly family member? cleaning out a house?
I could understand if she was feeling really overwhelmed already . . . 

but otherwise, I would wonder if the friendship was actually important to her  of if I was just a 'convenient' social partner because I was here, and she wasn't interested anymore.

[Arcadia]

26 minutes ago, regentrude said:

The response: "I can block an hour next Tuesday between 9 and 1".

There are a few friends I could use that wording to in my country of origin and we are close buddies kind of relationship. When I go back this time, I have a lot of loose ends to tie up and friends that have "booked" my time during my trip for my mom's funeral for the next trip I would be back. The alternative wording that we often use is "I tentatively have nothing on on ... and we could meet for an hour or so". I have close friends from school days that would say "I could slot you in on ..." and that doesn't mean we aren't close friends.

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

do know why she's in town?  death in the family? moving an elderly family member? cleaning out a house?
I could understand if she was feeling really overwhelmed already . . . 

none such reason. Visiting her DH (they do long-distance). She's been here for a bunch of weekend visits, but I didn't want to impose then since I figured she'd want to spend time with her husband.

[Farrar]

I agree that it sounds cold/busy, but I feel like I never know with text. I have a friend who would totally reply like that but she'd be thrilled to hang out. She's just like that on text. I don't know your friend. I think I'd send something like, "It sounds like this trip is busy? I'd love to take that hour at (suggest time), but I get it if you're overwhelmed with other stuff and we can hang out next time. Just let me know."

[EKS]

It sounds like she forgot to switch from work mode to friend mode in her text-speak.

[Bootsie]

To me it is an odd way to respond.  It doesn't come across to me that she is eager to visit; it sounds as if she plans on being very busy on her trip.  I would wonder if there is more going on during the trip (major doctors appts, family visits, etc.)   Ultimately, it would depend upon how well I knew the friend and how she usually responds (I do know some people who have very odd ways of responding, especially when it is a text message; their sense of humor does not come through in a text message).

[Ausmumof3]

It doesn’t come across as warm but maybe she was super busy at the time and it was all she could get down. But if the time doesn’t work for you you can just let her know that.

[Ginevra]

I would feel similarly about it as you do. I do know, from seeing it play out several times, that it is difficult for people who come back into town after a move to see people in an attentive way. It starts to pare down to, say, which three relationships warrant the time. 
 

I had a very close best friend who moved out of state and it just got weird. I did not want to impose on her small amount of time when she would be in town and she already had relatives she needed to pop in and see. I wasn’t willing to beg her for a sliver of time - because who wants to feel like they’re doing that? - so I didn’t and it probably was received as *me* not being too interested in making sure we connected. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I'd feel the same as you @regentrude 

BUT I know that I've sent super-short, super-curt texts which did not convey my true intent.

These were moments when I needed to drop a child at the bus stop, the plumber has just arrived, and the cat just spewed on the rug. But I'd already read the text and knew the sender would see it as 'read', so I wanted to reply asap. Not ideal at all.

So, I think in your situation, I'd feel a bit of a sting, but also try not to assume anything too negative.

[prairiewindmomma]

I would give a bit of grace.  I know when I visit "home" that I often have several things all crammed into just a few short days....it's difficult to meet with everyone who would like to see me.   She could have been in "work mode" and just forgotten all of the social niceties to smooth that over.

I know you haven't seen her, but how is your contact otherwise. If it is fine otherwise, I wouldn't worry much.  If you haven't heard from her in six months, I'd assume that she has moved on mentally.

[footballmom]

It definitely sounds like an abrupt text but I would give grace and chalk it up to being super busy or distracted when she sent it. And I would own up to the block not working for you “Thanks for sharing time that works for you. I would love to see you, but I’m working when you’re available. Let’s get together the next time you’re in town”

[klmama]

8 minutes ago, footballmom said:

It definitely sounds like an abrupt text but I would give grace and chalk it up to being super busy or distracted when she sent it. And I would own up to the block not working for you “Thanks for sharing time that works for you. I would love to see you, but I’m working when you’re available. Let’s get together the next time you’re in town”

This.  

[Clarita]

I admit it's not a good sounding text. I've also been guilty of sending texts like that. Usually it's because my mind is on business mode, whether it's because it's the 3+ official business text of the day and my mind has a hard time switching back to personal talk mode.  

[lauraw4321]

☝️ same for me. 

[kbutton]

I wouldn’t read into it. I might write something like that when busy. I try to follow up with chatty later, but it doesn’t always work out.

If I was specific rather than vague, it would mean I want to make it work but don’t have time for small talk at texting time, and I didn’t want to risk not remembering to reply.

[regentrude]

16 minutes ago, kbutton said:

I wouldn’t read into it. I might write something like that when busy. I try to follow up with chatty later, but it doesn’t always work out.

If I was specific rather than vague, it would mean I want to make it work but don’t have time for small talk at texting time, and I didn’t want to risk not remembering to reply.

But offering one hour in a prescribed four-hour window smack in the middle of the workday? 

(It's what I do for meetings I don't really wish to have)

Edited April 4 by regentrude

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

But offering one hour in a prescribed four-hour window smack in the middle of the workday? 

(It's what I do for meetings I don't really wish to have)

My husband does that for meeting friends and ex-colleagues because that’s the best time for brunch (or just coffee) to avoid the peak morning and evening commute. Lunch commute isn’t so bad here, like my husband would take the day off and we would run errands after my early morning doctor’s appointment. 
 

ETA: for my volunteer work, the preferred time for a meeting for a few people were 10am or 10:30am. Not too early and just nice for lunch after. One of them works full time in an administrative role at a college. 

Edited April 4 by Arcadia
typo

[KungFuPanda]

If she didn’t want to see you she’d say she was too busy. I’d forget the wording of the text and schedule a coffee date. It might be nice. Plan something enjoyable for yourself in the same area so you’ll have plans right after your date and aren’t bummed about the abrupt stopping time. 

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

But offering one hour in a prescribed four-hour window smack in the middle of the workday? 

(It's what I do for meetings I don't really wish to have)

I would guess she thought maybe you could do lunch. 

[SKL]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

If she didn’t want to see you she’d say she was too busy. I’d forget the wording of the text and schedule a coffee date. It might be nice. Plan something enjoyable for yourself in the same area so you’ll have plans right after your date and aren’t bummed about the abrupt stopping time. 

I agree with this.

[Kassia]

3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

If she didn’t want to see you she’d say she was too busy. I’d forget the wording of the text and schedule a coffee date. It might be nice. Plan something enjoyable for yourself in the same area so you’ll have plans right after your date and aren’t bummed about the abrupt stopping time. 

I love this idea! 

[Starr]

I’m sorry. It doesn’t sound promising.