Budgeting for a future wedding

[MercyA]

DH and I have decided we should start putting money away for DD15's (possible) wedding someday. She's never dated and there is no urgency. 🙂

We plan on giving her a set amount and telling her she can use it for a wedding, reception, honeymoon, down payment on a house, whatever she wants. She's pretty frugal and will likely not spend the full amount on the wedding. I think she would find it illogical. 🙂 However, we want her to be able to have a nice wedding if that's what she wants.

We're trying to come up with a reasonable figure to shoot for. If you've been involved in wedding planning in the last five years or so, I'm looking for the approximate cost of various types of weddings, such as:

Ceremony + cake and punch 

Ceremony + homemade / potluck reception at our church (no cost to rent)

Ceremony + sit down dinner at a venue

Ceremony + sit down dinner and dancing at a venue

Any info you can provide would be greatly appreciated! I told my DH the Hive knows all. 🙂 \

ETA: This would be in a low cost of living area with perhaps about 150 guests.

Edited February 20 by MercyA

[Bambam]

I think this is going to vary widely especially since the cost of living varies so much - not to mention how many guests - 25 or 500? 
We have venues here from $500 for 4 hours to $XXXXs for 4 hours. 

So this might help:
https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost

 

[MercyA]

@Bambam, thanks! I'll edit my original post with more parameters.

[bolt.]

If I could politely suggest, even though it's slightly off topic, that a better idea for the vocabulary around this savings account -- since you do want it to be flexible for various uses -- might be a "launch fund". Changing the name reduces the strain a young woman might feel in terms of her parents extra-approving of marriage as a goal for her, and incentivizing that choice in strong monetary terms.

Unless adding an incentive towards marriage and away from any other form of launching an adult life (such as launching without a partner at first) is actually one of your goals/values that you are trying to express with these choices. But I don't think you are actually trying to make her think, "My parents will only help me launch, if I launch by getting married." -- I think it's more likely that you want her to choose marriage whenever she finds the right candidate for that kind of a commitment (and is very sure about that choice). You don't want her rushing just because that's what she thinks you guys want, or because that's the only way she has to successfully start an independent adult lifestyle.

And I think you are right, most of the time, for young people who value commitment in relationships, the uses of a launch fund are probably going to involve a wedding. It's just a difference of emphasis: "Launching (possibly for a wedding) Fund" vs "Wedding (possibly for other things) Fund". 

[TexasProud]

55 minutes ago, bolt. said:

If I could politely suggest, even though it's slightly off topic, that a better idea for the vocabulary around this savings account -- since you do want it to be flexible for various uses -- might be a "launch fund". Changing the name reduces the strain a young woman might feel in terms of her parents extra-approving of marriage as a goal for her, and incentivizing that choice in strong monetary terms.

Unless adding an incentive towards marriage and away from any other form of launching an adult life (such as launching without a partner at first) is actually one of your goals/values that you are trying to express with these choices. But I don't think you are actually trying to make her think, "My parents will only help me launch, if I launch by getting married." -- I think it's more likely that you want her to choose marriage whenever she finds the right candidate for that kind of a commitment (and is very sure about that choice). You don't want her rushing just because that's what she thinks you guys want, or because that's the only way she has to successfully start an independent adult lifestyle.

And I think you are right, most of the time, for young people who value commitment in relationships, the uses of a launch fund are probably going to involve a wedding. It's just a difference of emphasis: "Launching (possibly for a wedding) Fund" vs "Wedding (possibly for other things) Fund". 

Yeah, no.  There is nothing wrong with a wedding fund.  We have started saving a certain amount for all three of them for a wedding.  (We have one girl and two boys.) We haven't discussed it, but they probably know.   We still helped our older two boys "launch" and will help the girl to do so in a few months, though we didn't give them big mounds of cash.  It ended up co-signing for a furniture loan for oldest.  We've had to help middle one with medical bills.  And  with the middle one it was a slower release of things like paying for his auto insurance and health insurance.

To think that just because we have a wedding fund, it would make them get married quicker is laughable.  I don't think that would enter their minds at all.  As I said, they probably guess something like that is there, but we haven't talked about it.  My guess is middle one will approach us when he asks his girlfriend to marry him...or maybe not.  We might have to offer to pay.  I half expected to help him pay for a ring like my FIL did for my husband, but apparently he jokingly texted his brother about what should he do with his tax refund....pay for a game station or save for a ring.  LOL. 

I mean, I guess if you are pushing stuff in their face like when you get married, you have xyz....  Maybe.  But our wedding funds will not influence them. 

Whenever they decide to buy a house, if they do so, we might help them with the downpayment. 

Edited February 20 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

Oh, and Mercy, if it matters, we are aiming to save 10,000 for each of them. 

[Innisfree]

Philosophically, I’m with @bolt.. But I anticipate that most young people will launch well before marrying. Certainly that’s the case for my kids, though at this point we’re thinking more about apartments and cars than about buying a house, since there may be some years of grad school or a few job changes before they get really settled. So, I guess one needs to define one’s terms. Maybe homeownership is more likely to coincide with marriage. Buying a home was important for me long before I got married, though, and it turned out to be a good move financially.

Eta: I guess what I’m saying is that (1) I approve of removing the emphasis from a wedding; (2) there may be significant needs for help launching well before a marriage, or in the absence of any marriage ever; but (3) I don’t have any problem with establishing a fund for whatever purpose you want, wedding or down payment or whatever. Helping our kids is good, when we can. 

I have no idea how much to budget, though.

Edited February 21 by Innisfree

[Bambam]

I'm with @bolt. too. 

Wedding/Marriage fund? What if child never elects to get married? Sure you could use it for other things, but then is seems like you failed - because you didn't use it for its intended purpose.  What if child elects to marry someone you think is a bad idea (fill in blank be it former wife abuser, whatever you think is a horrible idea)? 

So Launch fund can be used for down payment on house, down payment on car, wedding, whatever. 

I'd be tempted to set a figure I could live with based on our savings for retirement and other commitments that we have - so this figure would be different for a  family with 8 kids vs. a family with 1, etc, etc. Do what works for your family - be it $1,000 to $100,000. 

[JustEm]

The amount for those questions vary way too much for anyone to give an accurate answer. What I'd do and plan to do for my kids is see what number I can fit into our budget once our retirement is set and cut them a check at whatever major financial life event happens to them first. $10,000 per kid is a realistic amount for us at the moment assuming we're still at least 5 years out from the first kid's first major financial event. But finances are ever changing and I'd love to think we'll be able to offer more per kid when the needs arise.

[KSera]

1 hour ago, Innisfree said:

I guess what I’m saying is that (1) I approve of removing the emphasis from a wedding; (2) there may be significant needs for help launching well before a marriage, or in the absence of any marriage ever; but (3) I don’t have any problem with establishing a fund for whatever purpose you want, wedding or down payment or whatever. Helping our kids is good, when we can. 

I’m in agreement with this. I think it makes sense to be thinking about putting money aside so you have it if/when needed, but my own inclination would be to never mention it to my kid. I would just offer it when it was needed or I would have it if they needed it for some other purpose. Which maybe is what you’re intending on doing. You’re saving college money separately I’m guessing? I haven’t done any wedding things in way too long to have any help for you on costs though.

[VickiMNE]

We have five kids (all established adults now)  and we regularly save $X amount per month in one category we term:  Kids' Life Events.   This is separate from b'day and Xmas gifts.  We've used that money over the years for:  a wedding, grad. school graduations, Covid furlough-with-no-pay gap, bonus promotion celebration, and more.   And as long as we are able, we will continue to save for being able to help out with yet unforeseen needs/celebrations for our kids and (possibly one day) grandkids.  It's been *great* to be able "afford" these things because we've been saving all along. 

[MercyA]

Thanks, all! The link @Bootsie posted was very helpful in terms of estimating costs. 

@bolt. and others, we were not planning to mention the fund to my DD, but I admit it never occurred to me to call it something else. I learn a lot here. Thanks for the great suggestion. 🙂 

We don't care if she never gets married as long as she is happy. We're just working on a new budget and that's the only thing we hadn't thought to include. @KSera, we do have a separate college fund. DH set it up literally the same night I told him I was pregnant! He is a planner. 

[catz]

Maybe it doesn't matter to you depending where you fall on income and a financial planner would be able to answer this best.  But any savings that isn't rolled into a retirement fund will ding against you for financial aid for college.  So how and where you best save for extras might vary.  And if you haven't run calculators on colleges, it might be worthwhile to do that just to see how that might look for you.  

I would not be designating a savings account explicitly for wedding money for a 15 year old.  But having extra savings is REALLY good.  Not every student launches to adulthood cleanly, gets through college in 4 years, etc.  I had a kid just graduate college who got a really great job offer with relocation money.  But not every new grad opportunity will offer that.  I'm sure we spent at least 8-10K post graduation setting him up (apartment deposit + first month, thrifted furniture, down payment on first car, a vaccum, IKEA kitchen run, etc).  He was able to reimburse us for car + apartment, but it was fun to gift him the rest.  It's hard to know where life is going to take a young adult and it is really nice to be able to help launch and set up a young adult.  

[Faith-manor]

3 minutes ago, catz said:

Maybe it doesn't matter to you depending where you fall on income and a financial planner would be able to answer this best.  But any savings that isn't rolled into a retirement fund will ding against you for financial aid for college.  So how and where you best save for extras might vary.  And if you haven't run calculators on colleges, it might be worthwhile to do that just to see how that might look for you.  

I would not be designating a savings account explicitly for wedding money for a 15 year old.  But having extra savings is REALLY good.  Not every student launches to adulthood cleanly, gets through college in 4 years, etc.  I had a kid just graduate college who got a really great job offer with relocation money.  But not every new grad opportunity will offer that.  I'm sure we spent at least 8-10K post graduation setting him up (apartment deposit + first month, thrifted furniture, down payment on first car, a vaccum, IKEA kitchen run, etc).  He was able to reimburse us for car + apartment, but it was fun to gift him the rest.  It's hard to know where life is going to take a young adult and it is really nice to be able to help launch and set up a young adult.  

This is very wise. It is just not cheap at all getting them I to their first digs, their first really reliable car for full time employment, all of the things required to set up a household. Most kids these days are doing that long before they marry, so they don't have bridal showers and wedding gifts to help, and so many have federal student loans or worse. 

FAFSA is a mess, and if Dd ends up applying to schools with the CSS profile, it can be a disaster. It definitely must be considered, how the savings will negatively affect financial aid, and tax liability.

I do know that you can withdraw from 401K for education expenses without penalty. So beefing up retirement savings might be a good idea.

[TexasProud]

3 hours ago, catz said:

Maybe it doesn't matter to you depending where you fall on income and a financial planner would be able to answer this best.  But any savings that isn't rolled into a retirement fund will ding against you for financial aid for college.  So how and where you best save for extras might vary.  And if you haven't run calculators on colleges, it might be worthwhile to do that just to see how that might look for you.  

 

Yes, that is a good point.  To be honest, we didn't start saving for weddings until they started college.  Like your husband @MercyA we started saving for college when each child was a baby.  So as we stopped making each of the 529 plan payments when each child started college, we just put the same amount into their wedding fund and will continue to do so until we reach the 10,000 number.  

[Clarita]

I agree with others just plan some sort of comfortable number for you. Weddings range wildly in terms of cost. A lot comes into play for that budget, some people have crazy helpful friends who can pull together certain expensive parts of weddings for them on discount or as a gift. Others have no one to help with anything and have to pay for every part of the wedding out of pocket. Some families want to invite everyone to weddings and others are find with whatever. Some families need all the things and others nothing. Some families think bride family should pay for it all some think the groom's family. 

Seeing as there isn't even a groom it's pretty much impossible to know how much money it would be to have this theoretical wedding.

My wedding was a lot bigger and totally different than what my parents and I would have expected when I was 15. 

[MercyA]

DH wanted me to tell you all how much he appreciated your input and suggestions. The two of us went on a road trip yesterday and we talked a lot about this in the car. I even printed out your comments to read to him. We're looking at things completely differently now and I think we have a good plan for saving for DD's major life events. 

You are all invaluable friends to me. 

[DawnM]

On 2/20/2024 at 6:49 PM, TexasProud said:

Oh, and Mercy, if it matters, we are aiming to save 10,000 for each of them. 

That is the amount my friends told their kids they would get for their weddings.   I think that is a nice amount.   I have all boys, so I assume the bride's parents will pay some too, but I don't see the need to go over 25k for a wedding.....10k from each set of parents and $5k paid for by them if they so choose.

My wedding was no alcohol, so that saved us a lot.   We also had a luncheon rather than a dinner.   200 guests.   Total cost was $5,000.   My dad had saved 10 and gave us the other 5 as a wedding gift.

Meanwhile, DH's mom said our wedding was "cheap" and her daughter's wedding was SO MUCH nicer and better.   Well, darling sister's marriage lasted less than 10 years and mine is still going strong at 28 years, soooooo.......

Edited February 22 by DawnM

[freesia]

These conversations stress me out. We are still in the midst of college. I can’t imagine saving for weddings. I can’t imagine navigating the whole do grooms families pay, too, vs brides family pays all maze. Dh is very cautious with money, having grown up with nothing. My oldest dd said something about us paying for a wedding and I had to be honest that we probably wouldn’t have a lot to give and she should plan on paying some. We’ve got two dd’s and two ds’s.  Oy   Maybe I’ll be working by then and we will only have one child in school…

[Kassia]

13 minutes ago, freesia said:

 I can’t imagine navigating the whole do grooms families pay, too, vs brides family pays all maze.

I'm wondering about this too.  How does that get worked out?  Ds3 is getting married soon, but his fiance is from another country and her family has no money and won't be attending so it's not an issue this time, but I don't know how it will work with my other two sons and then my dd eventually.  

A friend of mine's dd is getting married soon and she is stressed because the groom's family hasn't mentioned anything about contributing.  She wants her dd to bring it up to them, but I think that would be really awkward.  She's spending about 25k and her dd is paying for some things above that, but haven't planned the rehearsal dinner and are hoping that the groom's family communicates with them soon about that and any other contribution.  

[TexasProud]

54 minutes ago, DawnM said:

That is the amount my friends told their kids they would get for their weddings.   I think that is a nice amount.   I have all boys, so I assume the bride's parents will pay some too, but I don't see the need to go over 25k for a wedding.....10k from each set of parents and $5k paid for by them if they so choose.

My wedding was no alcohol, so that saved us a lot.   We also had a luncheon rather than a dinner.   200 guests.   Total cost was $5,000.   My dad had saved 10 and gave us the other 5 as a wedding gift.

Meanwhile, DH's mom said our wedding was "cheap" and her daughter's wedding was SO MUCH nicer and better.   Well, darling sister's marriage lasted less than 10 years and mine is still going strong at 28 years, soooooo.......

Yes, my wedding cost 2,000.  We had cake and punch at the fellowship hall.  The "venue" was the church and cost us nothing.  My mom sewed the bridesmaid dresses and my veil.  I "splurged" on the dress at 600 bucks and that was the majority of our expenses. That was only for the wedding, not the honeymoon. 

I have to admit that I am having a very hard time with the whole venue thing and dinner. That just seems over the top to me, but obviously it is not if everyone is doing it.  This way, they have a budget and they can decide what they want over that or whether they want to go to the justice of the peace and use it as a downpayment for a house or whatever. 

4 minutes ago, Kassia said:

I'm wondering about this too.  How does that get worked out?  Ds3 is getting married soon, but his fiance is from another country and her family has no money and won't be attending so it's not an issue this time, but I don't know how it will work with my other two sons and then my dd eventually.  

Honestly, to me, it works like college.  Every family decides what they can pay and you sit down with your child and say, this is your budget.  Of course, for the wedding, it is with both the bride and groom.  Also, so many are older now when they get married that they often pay for it themselves.  There isn't a right or wrong, but you must sit down with each of them and have the frank discussion so that they don't do the equivalent of get accepted to Harvard with no way to pay for it. 

[Arcadia]

1 minute ago, Kassia said:

A friend of mine's dd is getting married soon and she is stressed because the groom's family hasn't mentioned anything about contributing.  She wants her dd to bring it up to them, but I think that would be really awkward.  She's spending about 25k and her dd is paying for some things above that, but haven't planned the rehearsal dinner and are hoping that the groom's family communicates with them soon about that and any other contribution.  

In traditional chinese culture, the parents of the bridal couple would meet over a meal and discuss all the nitty gritty stuff about the wedding e.g. date, number of guests, venue, budget. That happens asap after the engagement.

OP,

We don't have any money currently set aside for weddings. My in-laws did contribute for each kid but they both play favorites. Luckily ours was a courthouse wedding followed two years later by a wedding/housewarming economical buffet when our marital home was completed so the costs were very low. My husband and I have unmarried cousins so we intend to do what our aunts do and have savings put aside for "launching" which my relatives typically use for down payment of their home and his relatives tend to put the money into their first car.

[Pawz4me]

We have two boys. I don't think it ever occurred to me or DH to designate any money for their potential future weddings, although of course we'd be willing to contribute a reasonable amount. Oldest DS is a high earner--he already makes fifty percent more than DH ever did, and DH made enough to support a family of four comfortably. So I kinda feel like he can easily afford his own share of a wedding (which is a good thing because it's likely he'd want a spendy out-of-the-country destination event). I doubt our youngest will ever get married, but if so I'm positive it would be a very low key thing not likely to cost a lot (he's on the spectrum and hates any sort of hoopla). FWIW, we paid fully for both of their college educations and gave them good vehicles. Getting them launched with no debt was a bigger priority for us than potential future wedding costs.

[Clarita]

17 minutes ago, Kassia said:

A friend of mine's dd is getting married soon and she is stressed because the groom's family hasn't mentioned anything about contributing.  She wants her dd to bring it up to them, but I think that would be really awkward.  She's spending about 25k and her dd is paying for some things above that, but haven't planned the rehearsal dinner and are hoping that the groom's family communicates with them soon about that and any other contribution.  

The bride and groom need to initiate these conversations, Well bride and groom talk to each other about their visions for the wedding then, they go to their respective parents and talk to them about cost and vision. There is such a blending of cultures in many places a lot of people are just sitting around waiting for direction so they don't offend anyone. 

DH loves weddings. So ours was big and fancy with 100's of people. A lot of it were these pieces that DH sentimentally wanted at his wedding and pieces there to accommodate that (handbells is one of his things, and he really did know the 100's of people we invited because he's a major extrovert). It doesn't make any sense for our parents to indulge us in that. 

[Corraleno]

I plan to give each of my kids $10K as a wedding present, and it's up to them whether they want to have a $10K wedding, or add more money from their own savings and/or their partner's family for a more expensive wedding, or have a simple inexpensive wedding and save the rest. (That is separate from helping them launch, which I will also help with as much as I can.) I'm just not willing to spend more than $10K on a one day event, and to be honest I think even that is pretty crazy. Reading that the average cost of a wedding in the US is $35K just blows my mind — that's a year's take-home pay for someone making $22/hr, or a new car, or paid-off student loans, or a down payment on a condo, etc. Whether I could pay that much for a wedding is irrelevant, because I just wouldn't.

 

[JustEm]

7 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

I plan to give each of my kids $10K as a wedding present, and it's up to them whether they want to have a $10K wedding, or add more money from their own savings and/or their partner's family for a more expensive wedding, or have a simple inexpensive wedding and save the rest. (That is separate from helping them launch, which I will also help with as much as I can.) I'm just not willing to spend more than $10K on a one day event, and to be honest I think even that is pretty crazy. Reading that the average cost of a wedding in the US is $35K just blows my mind — that's a year's take-home pay for someone making $22/hr, or a new car, or paid-off student loans, or a down payment on a condo, etc. Whether I could pay that much for a wedding is irrelevant, because I just wouldn't.

 

seriously.  The only way I would pay that much for a wedding was if I was wealthy enough that 35k would set us back in anyway. But I spent next to nothing on my wedding since I eloped.  Then we had a party a few months later in my parent's backyard for a few hundred bucks

[freesia]

7 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

seriously.  The only way I would pay that much for a wedding was if I was wealthy enough that 35k would set us back in anyway. But I spent next to nothing on my wedding since I eloped.  Then we had a party a few months later in my parent's backyard for a few hundred bucks

I was deep into wedding planning before I realized that I should have done what you did. I wanted friends and family to witness my wedding—and I did love that part—but I’m not a big party—lots of attention kind of girl ( woman).The planning nearly did me in. 
 

My parents gave me 10,000 as a budget in the late 90’s. It’s interesting to me that that’s the amount people are still using. 

[JustEm]

6 minutes ago, freesia said:

I was deep into wedding planning before I realized that I should have done what you did. I wanted friends and family to witness my wedding—and I did love that part—but I’m not a big party—lots of attention kind of girl ( woman).The planning nearly did me in. 
 

My parents gave me 10,000 as a budget in the late 90’s. It’s interesting to me that that’s the amount people are still using. 

for me, 10,000 is just a doable amount in theory to give each of my kids, I have 6, for whatever major life event comes first for them.  If I could give more, I would.  But I also would secretly hope that it didn't get wasted on a wedding.

[JustEm]

Disclaimer,  I do not judge anyone for spending any amount of money on their wedding.  This is strictly a personal thing for myself.  I love weddings.  And completely understand the want for one, especially wanting your kids to have the ability to have a big one if they want.  I just could never spend the money on my own. And knowing how finances are for most young people wouldn't want my kids to have a big one if it put them behind financially

[Corraleno]

15 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I spent next to nothing on my wedding since I eloped.  Then we had a party a few months later in my parent's backyard for a few hundred bucks

I eloped too — we flew to Vegas on Friday, got married on Saturday, flew back to L.A. on Sunday night. Super easy, cheap, no stress. We worked together but no one even knew we were dating, so it was fun to show up at work Monday morning wearing wedding rings and watching everyone flip out, lol. My MIL pitched a fit though, and insisted on throwing a party in the UK several months later — she planned the whole thing and all the guests were her friends, so all we had to do was show up.

4 minutes ago, freesia said:

I was deep into wedding planning before I realized that I should have done what you did. I wanted friends and family to witness my wedding—and I did love that part—but I’m not a big party—lots of attention kind of girl ( woman).The planning nearly did me in. 
My parents gave me 10,000 as a budget in the late 90’s. It’s interesting to me that that’s the amount people are still using. 

My sister's first wedding cost $10K in the mid-70s, most of which ended up being paid for by the groom's very wealthy family, which caused huge drama with my mother and stepfather, and by the time the wedding happened, my sister was soooo stressed out and she looks absolutely miserable in the photos. And then they got divorced three years later, so all that drama and stress and money ($10K in 1975 = $55K today!) was a total waste. So crazy.

[freesia]

2 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

I eloped too — we flew to Vegas on Friday, got married on Saturday, flew back to L.A. on Sunday night. Super easy, cheap, no stress. We worked together but no one even knew we were dating, so it was fun to show up at work Monday morning wearing wedding rings and watching everyone flip out, lol. My MIL pitched a fit though, and insisted on throwing a party in the UK several months later — she planned the whole thing and all the guests were her friends, so all we had to do was show up.

My sister's first wedding cost $10K in the mid-70s, most of which ended up being paid for by the groom's very wealthy family, which caused huge drama with my mother and stepfather, and by the time the wedding happened, my sister was soooo stressed out and she looks absolutely miserable in the photos. And then they got divorced three years later, so all that drama and stress and money ($10K in 1975 = $55K today!) was a total waste. So crazy.

Your poor sister! My SIL and I truly get along great and have known each other since we were teens. The low point in our relationship was when she told me I was being a princess because I wanted a LESS fancy wedding then my mom wanted. The drama was so not worth it. 

[JustEm]

20 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

I eloped too — we flew to Vegas on Friday, got married on Saturday, flew back to L.A. on Sunday night. Super easy, cheap, no stress. We worked together but no one even knew we were dating, so it was fun to show up at work Monday morning wearing wedding rings and watching everyone flip out, lol. My MIL pitched a fit though, and insisted on throwing a party in the UK several months later — she planned the whole thing and all the guests were her friends, so all we had to do was show up.

 

We just went to the town over got a license at the courthouse, waited 2 days, and then went to a little chapel.  It was a random Tuesday in January. Dh's sisters response to hearing our news later that day was, "our we supposed to be excited for you."  They were mad that they weren't involved. Then they both swept their comment under the rug and didn't apologize for years. I got over it quickly, it just showed me the type of relationship we'd always have, cordial but not close.  Dh held a grudge for a LONG time.  His youngest sister did apologize at some point years after our marriage when she was engaged.  The other one didn't until a few weeks ago.  We've been married for 16 years!  I laughed when she apologized because it simply didn't matter anymore. 

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, freesia said:

My parents gave me 10,000 as a budget in the late 90’s. It’s interesting to me that that’s the amount people are still using. 

Cost of college and housing went up faster than my husband's wages so $10k per kid is a comfortable ballpark figure to aim for. Another thing is my dad has pension and my parents had job stability and has good medical benefits so $10k per kid was actually chump change to them.

[Ginevra]

I don’t know how this sounds to you, Mercy, but *I* would budget $15,000. My dd got married two years ago and we contributed around $10,000. (This is a HCOL area, though, and some weddings are way more than that.) This did not pay for everything. We paid for photography, catering company, her dress and some decor items. She DIY’d flowers and decor, hair/makeup, alcohol, and desserts (cupcakes and donuts). They paid for a DJ, the venue, the lodging for the wedding party, and other decor items such as table numbers and cloths. 
 

Total wedding cost was ~ $17k. She had about 90 guests. 

[Corraleno]

2 hours ago, hjffkj said:

We just went to the town over got a license at the courthouse, waited 2 days, and then went to a little chapel.  It was a random Tuesday in January. Dh's sisters response to hearing our news later that day was, "our we supposed to be excited for you."  They were mad that they weren't involved. Then they both swept their comment under the rug and didn't apologize for years. I got over it quickly, it just showed me the type of relationship we'd always have, cordial but not close.  Dh held a grudge for a LONG time.  His youngest sister did apologize at some point years after our marriage when she was engaged.  The other one didn't until a few weeks ago.  We've been married for 16 years!  I laughed when she apologized because it simply didn't matter anymore. 

It always amazes me how many people think they have some inalienable right to involve themselves in another person's wedding! Seeing what my sister went through, with her mother and MIL making opposite demands over every. single. detail, plus bridesmaids all arguing for different dresses and shoes, etc., was a big reason why I literally did not tell a soul I was getting married until it was over. People are nuts!

[TexasProud]

LOL, well one of our children asked to talk to us about this very thing on Saturday.  I knew they were very serious, and they are of the age it is totally appropriate. We will see what he says. 🙂 Funny that I immediately thought about this thread. 

@hjffkj  My husband and I planned the entire wedding ourselves, with my husband being a major/driving/organizing player.  The only thing my mom did was help me find my dress.   My husband and I are SO SO much alike.  We went to pick out china. Both looked and counted to 3 and pointed to the one we like best and it was the exact same pattern.  We have the same tastes and same values.  It happens a lot with donations and stuff as well.  We both say a number and it was the exact same one.  Both first born saving, list makers. 🙂 

 

Our best man, on the other hand, had a totally different experience the year before. His MIL planned the entire wedding and he had no say at all.  They ended up divorced, partially because of this MIL a decade later.   I am totally staying out of any wedding plans unless specifically asked. (Once they know the parameters of what we are willing to pay.)

Edited February 23 by TexasProud

[Condessa]

We have a goal to set aside $12K per kid in a combined mission/marriage fund.  If our kids choose to serve a mission for our church, we will help them with enough so that they only need to earn $3K of the cost themselves (so we would pay $6K for the girls and $9K for the boys, whose service time is longer).  If they choose to get married, we will have the balance set aside to contribute (so $6K for the girls and $3K for the boys), and they can use it all towards a wedding reception or just towards getting started in life if they want.  Early marriage is pretty common for us, so it's entirely possible we will be having kids serving missions and getting married in the same window that we are paying for 4 kids to start college within 5 years of each other, so it seemed prudent to set aside funds for these possible expenses.  At the same time, we don't have a lot to contribute for fancy weddings, and backyard or no-cost church receptions are the norm for us, so hopefully 3 to 6 thousand will be enough to help.  

Edited February 23 by Condessa

[pinball]

Save $100/month.

The longer she waits to get married or move out, the more money she gets, LOL

😂 

[Tap]

On 2/22/2024 at 1:32 PM, freesia said:

I was deep into wedding planning before I realized that I should have done what you did. I wanted friends and family to witness my wedding—and I did love that part—but I’m not a big party—lots of attention kind of girl ( woman).The planning nearly did me in. 
 

My parents gave me 10,000 as a budget in the late 90’s. It’s interesting to me that that’s the amount people are still using. 

Oddly enough, lots of things are cheaper or similarly priced now. Being able to order napkins, invitations, decorations etc off of the internet has greatly affected the price of these items. You can still spend high dollars on fancy versions but there are affordable options too. Most of the weddings I go to are much smaller now than before. I think smaller social circles, lower church attendance and more lax social rules allow for more selective lists. 

[*LC]

On 2/22/2024 at 2:30 PM, Clarita said:

The bride and groom need to initiate these conversations, Well bride and groom talk to each other about their visions for the wedding then, they go to their respective parents and talk to them about cost and vision. There is such a blending of cultures in many places a lot of people are just sitting around waiting for direction so they don't offend anyone. 

I had one that did this about their vision. I listened and accepted what was said. However, the plan is outside our cultural norm and it could easily be adapted. I wanted to make sure the existing plan wasn't being made for "wrong" reasons, so I sent a text to clear up possible assumptions. I fully understand the reasons for the plan, but I wanted to make sure I addressed things I know will be asked by others if current plan/ or something similar stands as it will definitely disappoint some/many/most family members.