Kids, boredom and societal change

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this.  I don’t ever remember being bored as a kid. Probably because if I was my mom would have found more chores.  But we played outside extensively; in summer we had a treehouse and swing set and mud kitchen, plus six to seventeen acres to explore depending on the year and where we lived.  The winters, other than one year, were filled with snow.  We went snowmobiling, built snow houses, made snowmen and drank hot chocolate. I also had many siblings and there was always a baby or toddler to play with, or other siblings. We never had neighbors to play with, but therr were play dates or my mom had homeschooling friends with kids over sometimes, and we had cousins to play with if they were around. My mom says it wasn’t hard at all to schedule play dates or have another homeschool family over for the afternoon. I read a lot, there were a lot of crafts. In my teen years, we had a Christian youth center that offered so much to do—roller skating, board game nights, volleyball, inflatable nights; it was 40 minutes away but my parents valued the socialization we got there so we went two or three times most weeks for activities.

We got dial up internet in my late teens but didn’t spend a lot of time on it. My parents didn’t get a TV until I was 16 so we weren’t watching TV.

My kids are ALWAYS bored and I have been reading all these parenting threads on here recently thinking about this along with societal and climate changes. We live rurally, like I did, but unlike my childhood, I don’t have homeschool mom friends and playdates with anyone never seen to work out due to (primarily) sports scheduling.  My kids don’t have cousins within driving distance. Many more homeschooling moms have to work now due to the economy, and hybrid drop off co-ops are the in thing here and we don’t meet other parents(i do use one now for electives for my youngest).  It no longer snows much where I live(I know that sounds crazy, but here is an article about it: https://ithacavoice.org/2023/12/less-snow-is-falling-each-year-in-ithaca-data-shows/) and frankly rain and mud is not nearly as fun as  sledding and snowmobiling.  The ski resorts make their own snow but it rains so much it’s not fun, and last summer our air quality was so consistently bad I couldn’t send the kids outdoors to play much of the time. Climate change has really changed the available activities here. The roller skating rinks closed here mostly due to staffing issues and increased insurance liability costs; the youth center of my teen years closed; I took my kids air soft target shooting last night and it was $80 for less than 10 minutes(five of us played though). 
All that to say, I actually do think my kids have legitimate reasons to to be bored without screens. Is anyone else feeling a societal shift? Is it just us?

Edited December 31, 2023 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Tenaj]

Being bored is not a bad thing.  Lots of kids grow up in a rural setting where entertainment opportunities are few and far between.  Reading, crafts, and chores were my companions growing up.  Once I got my driver's license my world expanded but until I was 16 I basically went to school and came home.  But interesting things I did - grew my bank account by chopping weeds or picking up rocks from my dad's fields - basically a job whenever I wanted to work for as long as I wanted to work, learned to nurse piglets that were rejected from their mom and raise them on a bottle (my grandma and I experimented for years to come up with the right formula to be successful at this and my dear long-suffering mom let me keep boxes of baby pigs on our back indoor porch); learned how to knit, crochet, cross-stitch, embroider . . . all kinds of things, practiced the piano for hours, read for hours.  Very few playdates in my childhood - we went to the library once a week, went to church once or twice a week.  That was life.

Boredom is the origin of a lot of creativity.

[Pawz4me]

I'm older than most on here. Most of my childhood years were before cable television was available. We were rural and my mom didn't drive. There were a very small handful of kids near my age who lived close to us. We spent a lot of time riding bikes and playing in the woods and along a creek, but . . yes, there was a LOT of boredom. Books were what saved me.

I do think a little boredom is a good thing, that it fosters creativity and allows for contemplation and thinking deep(er) thoughts. But I also don't believe that screens are bad.

[Katy]

Kids do not learn creativity without boredom. 

[sweet2ndchance]

There is a 15 year age gap between my oldest and my youngest. Even just between the two of them, I notice the difference. Never mind comparing it to how I grew up.

I do remember being bored at times but I didn't often go to my parents about it. I remember drawing or writing for hours or practicing the flute or reading. Lots of reading. I grew up mostly in Phoenix so in the dead of summer it was just too hot to play outside sometimes but the rest of the year was perfect for doing whatever. I didn't have cousins around very often and my parents were very strict about friends. We had a Nintendo and computers even though they weren't as common place back then as they are now but we mostly used those when it was too hot outside.

My older kids also played outside more than my youngest does but they always had lots of kids in the neighborhood to play with as we were military then. Now we live rurally and there are no kids to play with in the area.

While I was decluttering, I found my older boys' copy of The Dangerous Book For Boys. Let's just say it is in very well used condition aka nearly falling apart. lol I offered it to my youngest son to have and told him if he liked it I would get him his own copy that wasn't in such bad shape. Ds11 perused it a little bit and said there were some interesting bits in it but that it wasn't anything he couldn't find on the internet if he wanted so he wasn't interested in the book. 😞 l know he's just not a book kid and he does look things up on the internet constantly when he wants to know something, either by himself or has me or his dad do it for him, but it does make me a little sad for some reason that he's not more interested in the book.

Edited December 31, 2023 by sweet2ndchance

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I don’t think boredom is bad.  But most of the things I did as a child when I was bored are not available to my own kids. 
screens have a very disregulating effect on two of my kids so that is why I am constantly trying to come up with alternatives.  But the “just go play outside” doesn’t work as well because the weather is honestly very different here than it was 35 years ago. They couldn’t be outside more than half the summer because the air quality was bad or it was heavy thunderstorms. This winter is shaping up to be another dud with highs hovering just enough above freezing to produce miserably cold rain and mud, so going outside to tube and sled in the snow isn’t going to happen either. 
Play dates, roller skating rinks, youth events, even bus trips to the ski resorts are gone or very few and far between—i knew several people who tried to go skiing last week but even though the resorts make snow, the constant heavy rain made it too miserable.

I’ve tried to set up a bunch of play dates this winter break but between holidays and sports clinics it was a no go.  We may know a disproportionally higher number of people who’s kids are in team dance, gymnastics and cheer though. 

It seems like a different world that I am trying to help them navigate, and my sister and I were talking this week about all the things we did over Christmas break as kids—none of those things seem to still exist.  We grew up much more rurally than my own kids are, in fact, but it felt like there was more to do, even if it was my mom just sending us outside to ride bikes around the property for hours or driving us to the skating rink for a Friday evening with friends.

Edited December 31, 2023 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Clarita]

Only child who immigrated across an ocean from extended family here definitely got bored. It's Ok to be bored.

I went to public school so my parents figured I'd learn how to socialize at school, they didn't plan things for me to do or people to hangout with. Sometimes they would hangout with their friends and if I was lucky their friends had children close to my age and if not I'd be bored. It sounds like your parents put forth a lot of effort to get you super fun activities a lot and that's great. They routinely drove you 40 minutes to have fun, my parents wouldn't have done that for sure and I don't know that I would for my children.

[Corraleno]

I was bored a lot as a kid, despite the total lack of screens (we didn't even have a color TV). I did spend a lot of time outside, but I don't think that's a cure for boredom; I spent a lot of time just swinging on the swing set or riding my bike aimlessly around the neighborhood. I guess at least that's physically active, but it was still boring. I did read a lot, but until I was old enough to be allowed to have my own library card and ride my bike to the library, the reading material I had access to was pretty limited.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

7 minutes ago, Clarita said:

Only child who immigrated across an ocean from extended family here definitely got bored. It's Ok to be bored.

I went to public school so my parents figured I'd learn how to socialize at school, they didn't plan things for me to do or people to hangout with. Sometimes they would hangout with their friends and if I was lucky their friends had children close to my age and if not I'd be bored. It sounds like your parents put forth a lot of effort to get you super fun activities a lot and that's great. They routinely drove you 40 minutes to have fun, my parents wouldn't have done that for sure and I don't know that I would for my children.

To be fair, we lived so rurally that anyplace was 40 minutes. So they’d drop us off and go grocery shopping or out for dinner because there was really no place closer to do those things other than maybe a very expensive small grocery store.

I grew up really, really rural. We are in the country now but can still get grocery delivery or drive fifteen minutes to watch a movie.  

I just keep going back to how I can’t just send my kids outside for hours at a time due to weather changes and how many of those third places that kids were welcome when I was growing up no longer exist or are no longer welcoming.
 

Edited December 31, 2023 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[rebcoola]

Im kind of the opposite we were a huge sports family with my older sister doing competitive soccer in another city from like 12 yes old. I followed in her footsteps. When I was young kid I did play with the neighbors outside when I was home but their was a lot of tv watching. We lived where it always rained and never snowed.  Than as teen my parents moved us into a condo with no other teens or kids and I mostly just did scheduled activites read or watched tv.  

My kids have a much more open schedule even doing sports because we homeschooled.  Park meetups or playdates are available at least weekly.  My teens can drive now but we moved to this house partially because it was close enough for them to walk or bike to stores, coffeee shops, roller rink. It did take some intentional choices I refused to live in one of those suburban sprawl neighborhoods and said either in town or rural enough to have dirt bikes and stuff. Don't get me wrong somethings have definitely changed my little plays with the neighbor kids but not as much because they have to be watched.  

[FreyaO]

I grew up in a small town outside the US. We had a TV, but it wasn't on all day and the kids' programs didn't last more than 2-3h, plus another 1-2h of family shows later on. I could walk outside and play at the sidewalk for a couple of hours. I definitely got bored. I daydreamed or walked to my mom and asked for the next group of books I would be allowed to read. Or read the ones I got from the library. At some point we got a Nintendo or something similar that I shared with my siblings, so I probably wasted 1h or so per day for a year on it. I also liked to just stroll around the neighborhood and daydream more.

Unfortunately, DD can't walk outside alone to meet friends or daydream. I think the most boredom she experiences is in the subway, but she doesn't consider it as such. She studies the other passengers or the maps, etc. We usually do the wordle together, for a few minutes, but it's no "here is a phone to zonk out". 

 

[PeterPan]

Maybe think about work if they're not organizing their own pleasure. With my ds' restricted interests, he wasn't going to stretch out of his box on his own. My dh assigns things as work and when ds does things enough and becomes proficient he begins to enjoy it.

 

[Pam in CT]

I'm also older, before cable or computers or electronic games or etc, and mostly grew up pretty rural. My mother was always one of those "loud? restless? driving me crazy with the bouncing ball? THERE'S THE DOOR, you might consider a hat" kind of parent. We rarely voiced "bored" as she most definitely did not consider our boredom to be her problem.  (Or suffocating heat -- we lived in Puerto Rico for a few years in there -- or bitter cold either -- upstate NY for another few; and had she known about air quality I rather doubt she'd have much cared about that either).

My own kids obviously had access to more electronic things and eventually screens, but I think I probably carried on with my mother's basic mindset -- your boredom is not my problem. What are YOU going to do with the time before you?

 

(Both my household growing up, and that of my kids growing up, had loads and loads of books and games and art supplies and balls and frisbees and etc. But no parent making bright suggestions.)

[Farrar]

I was definitely bored sometimes as a kid. Who wasn't? I remember last Christmas watching the Beatles documentary (bear with me here) and the most 70's thing about it to my perspective was that they brought the stepkids to the studio to just hang around all day while the parents worked. I was like, this is the most 70's thing ever. How many places were we all dragged and expected to just chill all flipping day that we would never in a million years force our kids to go to. And I can't decide if it was good for me or not to be dragged to those places. I mean, my parents weren't international artistic superstars so I think I got a lot less out of being dragged to work the year my mom worked at a car dealership in the marketing department, lol. But then again, maybe I did get something out of it that my kids missed out on.

I think it is just a different world. But also, if you leave them to it, eventually they'll figure something out. It's just a question of what that is.

[Clarita]

I totally forgot about being dragged to mom's work on school holidays. So bored there, if I were too bored I got to do bookkeeping. I learned I did not want to be an accountant.

[Heartstrings]

I think a little boredom is a good thing but too much isn’t healthy and can lead to depression and anxiety.     

[kirstenhill]

I was an only child growing up in small towns.  My younger years my mom was a single mom, and then after she remarried we still didn't have a ton of money for fun outings (though we did do some).  I didn't have tons of friends when I was younger, so getting together with friends was a rarity until high school  I read a lot of books, tried a lot of different craft/art projects, had a tape recorder and created my own "radio shows", and bought a computer that was old when I bought it in 1988 for something like $25 at a garage sale and teaching myself programming.  😁  I think one of the major differences I notice between myself and my kids is that starting in 5th grade I had quite a bit of freedom around town to bike to the library, corner store, park, or sometimes to something that cost money like mini-golf especially in 7th-8th grade when I had a bit of chore money I had earned. My kids can only get to a "boring" neighborhood park on foot, and places to bike often meet with busy roads.  It's nice that I have older kids that can drive, but they are busy, and that doesn't mean they can take the younger two anywhere very often so I still drive them even if it is just to the library.

[Katy]

@Mrs Tiggywinkle Again Do you know anyone who could start a Children’s Museum? They’re basically a warehouse filled with indoor play spaces. In the best one we lived near there were a good mix of stuff to do for kids between 0-15. A baby space that was padded with ramps to climb and tunnels to go through. An imaginary village with a grocery store & toy food, a couple restaurants, a post office, a fire station, a hospital, a couple tree houses with slides, a “park.” A couple learning areas with whatever they were focusing on that quarter (with art, science and music activities), a pretend farm and farm stand. A John Deere “combine” that had a video inside to basically make it look like you were running the combine. An indoor water playscape where you could build dams and redirect a river. A toy bridge. A music area. Duplos & legos.  Climbing walls. An outdoor space with more water/stream play in the summer, several tree houses, a butterfly garden, a bunch of trivia. 

The best part was the family membership was only like $225 per year for the whole family, and the would add in kids in foster care with no problems. 

Others we’ve been to were old crossfit gyms with multiple inflatable bounce houses and climbing play equipment equivalent to about 4 McDonalds play places. Those didn’t have memberships, but some had punch cards. 

Anyway, they’re great in areas where climate is a problem. And since you might have a decent tourist population in the Summers, it might be a viable business option for someone in your area. 

[Lecka]

Just mentioning — are there possibly executive functioning issues that can be common with autism?  It literally can make it hard to make a plan and then execute a plan.  It can make it hard to think of things to do and the steps to take.  
 

Suggestions are to make lists of options and sometimes lists of steps to take.  

 

It makes a big difference for some kids, other kids, not really.  

[Faith-manor]

All I know is if we were dumb enough to say, "I'm bored", I was going to be washing windows, and my brother was going to be cleaning behind the refrigerator. So we is kept it to ourselves. Bookworms we became.

My own kids had a lot of places to romp around, plus 4H and 4H projects between meetings so that helped. I do feel you though. So many places that we used to have activities at growing up are gone, and nothing has replaced them in our area. I also have watched as our climate has changed and how that has impacted winter sports especially. It is nearly Jan. 1, and still no snow, no sledding, no ice skating, and no snowball fights, or building and decorating snowmen. Every year here for the last decade it seems that this starts later and later ends sooner. I heard a mom in the thrift store say to her child that it was hardly worth the effort to buy snow pants anymore. I also have noticed that the number of designated sled hills has dwindled to two for the entire county, and only  one community is going to flood a spot for ice skating if we get enough cold snap to form ice. So strange. When I was a kid, we had three snow days from school by now, and the neighbor kids built a fort, we built a fort, and dodgeball with snowballs was the name of the game with various mothers and grandmothers calling childcicles in to the mud room for hot cocoa every now and then.

 

[Farrar]

1 hour ago, Heartstrings said:

I think a little boredom is a good thing but too much isn’t healthy and can lead to depression and anxiety.     

I wonder if being bored as a really young kid helps with that later. I don't think being bored at age 6 leads to anxiety and depression very often. I think being bored often at age 16 does though. I wonder if letting the first one happen more helps with the second one. 

[rebcoola]

2 hours ago, Farrar said:

I was definitely bored sometimes as a kid. Who wasn't? I remember last Christmas watching the Beatles documentary (bear with me here) and the most 70's thing about it to my perspective was that they brought the stepkids to the studio to just hang around all day while the parents worked. I was like, this is the most 70's thing ever. How many places were we all dragged and expected to just chill all flipping day that we would never in a million years force our kids to go to. And I can't decide if it was good for me or not to be dragged to those places. 

This I stayed with after school in my dads classroom just doing whatever everyday after school. Sometimes I had to hangout at the Colorel Blinds were my mom worked or the Italian restaurant that was my dads 2nd job.  My kids never had to do that.

[Farrar]

Just now, rebcoola said:

This I stayed with after school in my dads classroom just doing whatever everyday after school. Sometimes I had to hangout at the Colorel Blinds were my mom worked or the Italian restaurant that was my dads 2nd job.  My kids never had to do that.

There was a movie theater near the car dealership. I got to see Goonies like six times and Return to Oz like four. I was the only person in Return to Oz. I probably know it better than anyone, lol. But most days... I just had to hang around and read or walk around in circles and hope for the best.

[frogger]

I think the lack of outdoor exercise and social isolation are both bigger factors for mental health than the boredom in and of itself. It was very bad for my oldest two. We tried and tried to find ways for them to make social connections but struggled along until college.

I also agree with the frustration of 3rd spaces closing to teens. I hate that things keep closing to them because the bad behavior of a few. Maybe society should only penalize the offenders rather than all teens. Jobs, driving hours, recreational facilities are all becoming more restrictive. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

All I know is if we were dumb enough to say, "I'm bored", I was going to be washing windows, and my brother was going to be cleaning behind the refrigerator. So we is kept it to ourselves. Bookworms we became.

My own kids had a lot of places to romp around, plus 4H and 4H projects between meetings so that helped. I do feel you though. So many places that we used to have activities at growing up are gone, and nothing has replaced them in our area. I also have watched as our climate has changed and how that has impacted winter sports especially. It is nearly Jan. 1, and still no snow, no sledding, no ice skating, and no snowball fights, or building and decorating snowmen. Every year here for the last decade it seems that this starts later and later ends sooner. I heard a mom in the thrift store say to her child that it was hardly worth the effort to buy snow pants anymore. I also have noticed that the number of designated sled hills has dwindled to two for the entire county, and only  one community is going to flood a spot for ice skating if we get enough cold snap to form ice. So strange. When I was a kid, we had three snow days from school by now, and the neighbor kids built a fort, we built a fort, and dodgeball with snowballs was the name of the game with various mothers and grandmothers calling childcicles in to the mud room for hot cocoa every now and then.

 

This is what I’m awkwardly trying to say.  My kids usually find something to do and I am not concerned about them being bored.

They seem, however, to be bored a LOT more than I ever remember being, and when I consider it, I think it is simply because there is truly a lot less to do.  Bored in late December growing up? My mom tossed me outdoors in some snow gear and we went sledding for an afternoon.  My kids are bored today? There’s no snow but they cannot use the gokart because instead of snow the last few years, it just rains, and the gokart will get stuck in the mud.  Bored on a Friday evening? If there wasn’t chores and we had a little pocket money, my dad could usually be prevailed upon to drive us to the roller skating rink or bowling alley.  My kids? All the skating rinks have closed. Even the bowling alleys are closed to kids; they have extremely limited open bowling hours that are like 2 pm on weekdays.  They actively discourage kids and teens.

Bored in the summer? We’d play outdoors from dawn to dusk. Last year I couldn’t let my kids outdoors most of the summer because the air quality was truly dangerous.

I think my kids are just bored more because there is legitimately less outside of the home for them to do that isn’t organized activities, like sports. Places to just hang out have gone away. Some of it is societal change in the closure of third spaces, in my area it’s also a lot of kid type places like bounce house places, gyms that had fun childcare spaces, and the YWCA pool never reopened after Covid, as well as the weather changes(like much reduced cold days and snow accumulation, as well as the air pollution from forest fires) has affected us.

Edited December 31, 2023 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Terabith]

I think SOME boredom is helpful to people of all ages, and especially kids. But I think situations where social needs are truly neglected and there’s too much boredom is also very unhealthy.  

[Heartstrings]

18 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

This is what I’m awkwardly trying to say.  My kids usually find something to do and I am not concerned about them being bored.

They seem, however, to be bored a LOT more than I ever remember being, and when I consider it, I think it is simply because there is truly a lot less to do.  Bored in late December growing up? My mom tossed me outdoors in some snow gear and we went sledding for an afternoon.  My kids are bored today? There’s no snow but they cannot use the gokart because instead of snow the last few years, it just rains, and the gokart will get stuck in the mud.  Bored on a Friday evening? If there wasn’t chores and we had a little pocket money, my dad could usually be prevailed upon to drive us to the roller skating rink or bowling alley.  My kids? All the skating rinks have closed. Even the bowling alleys are closed to kids; they have extremely limited open bowling hours that are like 2 pm on weekdays.  They actively discourage kids and teens.

Bored in the summer? We’d play outdoors from dawn to dusk. Last year I couldn’t let my kids outdoors most of the summer because the air quality was truly dangerous.

I think my kids are just bored more because there is legitimately less outside of the home for them to do that isn’t organized activities, like sports. Places to just hang out have gone away. Some of it is societal change in the closure of third spaces, in my area it’s also a lot of kid type places like bounce house places, gyms that had fun childcare spaces, and the YWCA pool never reopened after Covid, as well as the weather changes(like much reduced cold days and snow accumulation, as well as the air pollution from forest fires) has affected us.

I think we tend to see bored kids as a parenting fail, or a negative in the kids, they just aren’t creative enough or whatever.  But I think it’s mostly a societal problem.  Most of us would love to have our children go ride bikes from dawn til dusk.  My house would be a lot cleaner!  We can’t though, as individuals households.  

There has been a lot of discourse on tik tok lately about people trying to create a child free existence.  It’s not good enough to just not have your own children, there is enormous pressure to have a child free society.  Kids belong at school, daycare, at home or at a child’s play area, the rest of society is for adults, and adults only.   It’s hard to fight against that to give our children the lives we want. 

Edited January 1 by Heartstrings

[Arcadia]

I was very bored as a kid. However, I was a latchkey kid so I would not get extra chores for saying I was bored as I would be roaming the streets to ease the boredom. I was a city kid so it was easy to find a few equally bored schoolmates to roam the city together. Some of my schoolmates loitered at malls to people watch. 

[Clemsondana]

I think that a lot of this is specific to each location and time period.  I never saw snow until we moved when I was a teen.  In Florida, where I lived during elementary and middle school, it was hot all summer.  We played outside anyway, but people now would be more likely to say that kids shouldn't be out in the heat.  But, one summer it rained all day for 2 straight weeks.  We were bored out of our minds.  Many other summers had multi-day stretches of rain, or daily afternoon storms.  We lived in a neighborhood but weren't allowed to free range when we were younger - with Ted Bundy as a local news story, parents were skittish.  But, the area had a skate rink that middle schooler were frequently dropped off at on Friday nights.  The guy who owned it ran a tight ship.  Then I moved to another state.  The skate rink was full of cigarette smoke and fairly sketchy.  But, teens ran all over the neighborhood and my group had a couple of hangout houses.  

I do think that there is a lack of spaces for teens to be, but this has been an ongoing problem.  I remember visiting my grandparents and watching the news and people were trying to shut down a place that was a teen hangout.  I don't remember if it had dancing or a soda shop vibe, but something reasonable.  My grandfather was so irritated - he felt like kids were better off being someplace that had adults around and that keeping teens out of sight could lead to trouble.  

But, I do remember rereading books over and over and trips to the library being awesome and mom getting a summer package so that we went to the movies once a week and it being a big deal when parents would arrange get-togethers since we couldn't drive and friends from school weren't walkable.  looking back, I probably took up basketball because it was something to do, and I remember playing with my younger sibling.  A teen across the street would teach us new skills and then play 2 on 1 against us, saying that it made us all better.  It's true, but it's also the kind of fun that you come up with when there's nothing to do.  Otherwise it's kind of rare to have a high schooler, a middle schooler, and an elementary schooler hanging out together.  

Edited to add:  I just looked up the skate place from my childhood.  It closed in 2017.  The replacement, under new management, requires an adult for everybody under 17.  I understand why businesses wouldn't want the liability these days, but I'm saddened by the loss of autonomy for younger kids.  Locally, I drop my young teen off to skate sometimes - I'm not sure what the age cutoff is, but kid and various friends seemed to enjoy spending an afternoon skating whenever I took them over the summer.  Our area may be a little outside of current norms, though.  

Edited January 1 by Clemsondana

[SHP]

6 hours ago, Katy said:

Kids do not learn creativity without boredom. 

Yeah, I have one who was incredibly creative in how they managed to injure themselves with their boredom busting ideas. 

I cannot talk, I may or may not have used a trashbag as a parachute while jumping off the roof. 

[rebcoola]

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

This is what I’m awkwardly trying to say.  My kids usually find something to do and I am not concerned about them being bored.

They seem, however, to be bored a LOT more than I ever remember being, and when I consider it, I think it is simply because there is truly a lot less to do.  Bored in late December growing up? My mom tossed me outdoors in some snow gear and we went sledding for an afternoon.  My kids are bored today? There’s no snow but they cannot use the gokart because instead of snow the last few years, it just rains, and the gokart will get stuck in the mud.  Bored on a Friday evening? If there wasn’t chores and we had a little pocket money, my dad could usually be prevailed upon to drive us to the roller skating rink or bowling alley.  My kids? All the skating rinks have closed. Even the bowling alleys are closed to kids; they have extremely limited open bowling hours that are like 2 pm on weekdays.  They actively discourage kids and teens.

Bored in the summer? We’d play outdoors from dawn to dusk. Last year I couldn’t let my kids outdoors most of the summer because the air quality was truly dangerous.

I think my kids are just bored more because there is legitimately less outside of the home for them to do that isn’t organized activities, like sports. Places to just hang out have gone away. Some of it is societal change in the closure of third spaces, in my area it’s also a lot of kid type places like bounce house places, gyms that had fun childcare spaces, and the YWCA pool never reopened after Covid, as well as the weather changes(like much reduced cold days and snow accumulation, as well as the air pollution from forest fires) has affected us.

I think your area seems to have been hit particularly hard. We don't live anywhere amazing but their is a rollerrink, bowling alley, trampoline park,ice rink, mini golf and laser tag tweens and teens can be dropped off at or get to themselves. Some require parent waiver but once its done they can go forever.

 

[Heartstrings]

1 hour ago, rebcoola said:

I think your area seems to have been hit particularly hard. We don't live anywhere amazing but their is a rollerrink, bowling alley, trampoline park,ice rink, mini golf and laser tag tweens and teens can be dropped off at or get to themselves. Some require parent waiver but once its done they can go forever.

 

I live in a small city or large town and we only have a few things. Movie theater, trampoline park, bowling, small laxer tag.  That’s it.  There are go carts about 20 min out of town.   The biggest problem is money.  I can’t afford to take my teens all the time or their friends can’t afford to go and I can’t pay for several kids to go very often.  
 

We do have a real mall, although it’s pretty small. My teens aren’t the type to hang out at the mall and I’ve heard that security isn’t friendly to large groups of teens.  

[Eos]

12 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

This is what I’m awkwardly trying to say.  My kids usually find something to do and I am not concerned about them being bored.

They seem, however, to be bored a LOT more than I ever remember being, and when I consider it, I think it is simply because there is truly a lot less to do.  Bored in late December growing up? My mom tossed me outdoors in some snow gear and we went sledding for an afternoon.  My kids are bored today? There’s no snow but they cannot use the gokart because instead of snow the last few years, it just rains, and the gokart will get stuck in the mud.  Bored on a Friday evening? If there wasn’t chores and we had a little pocket money, my dad could usually be prevailed upon to drive us to the roller skating rink or bowling alley.  My kids? All the skating rinks have closed. Even the bowling alleys are closed to kids; they have extremely limited open bowling hours that are like 2 pm on weekdays.  They actively discourage kids and teens.

Bored in the summer? We’d play outdoors from dawn to dusk. Last year I couldn’t let my kids outdoors most of the summer because the air quality was truly dangerous.

I think my kids are just bored more because there is legitimately less outside of the home for them to do that isn’t organized activities, like sports. Places to just hang out have gone away. Some of it is societal change in the closure of third spaces, in my area it’s also a lot of kid type places like bounce house places, gyms that had fun childcare spaces, and the YWCA pool never reopened after Covid, as well as the weather changes(like much reduced cold days and snow accumulation, as well as the air pollution from forest fires) has affected us.

OK, bear with me here: I'm someone who thinks that evolution rules our bodies and minds. Not necessarily in a good-for-the-individual way but as a dispassionate fact that says our brain will always seek the easiest path to particular brain responses that humans as a species prioritize, which is learning the most while doing the least and preserving calories. I'm not using the word "learning" to  imply a qualitative standard, just a novelty standard from the evolutionary standpoint of "our group will eat and reproduce more if we all figure out another good thing to eat and way to stay safe."

I think there is a difference to the quality of the boredom now and it's because of the internet and phones.  I don't say this as a knee-jerk anti-technology thing nor as a parenting guilt trip, and I believe it affects even people who don't use screens that much.  Constant instant novelty is available without any energetic output - our incredible brains built from 2 million years of human evolution say yes!  give me more of that!  Screen fascination is a completely appropriate response in this context.  But I believe it makes earlier play options - mud, woods, imagination games - less attractive in the critical path to more brain expansion even as those options are laid down in some serious evolutionary grooves.

 

Edited January 1 by Eos

[DawnM]

18 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

There is a 15 year age gap between my oldest and my youngest. Even just between the two of them, I notice the difference. Never mind comparing it to how I grew up.

I do remember being bored at times but I didn't often go to my parents about it. I remember drawing or writing for hours or practicing the flute or reading. Lots of reading. I grew up mostly in Phoenix so in the dead of summer it was just too hot to play outside sometimes but the rest of the year was perfect for doing whatever. I didn't have cousins around very often and my parents were very strict about friends. We had a Nintendo and computers even though they weren't as common place back then as they are now but we mostly used those when it was too hot outside.

My older kids also played outside more than my youngest does but they always had lots of kids in the neighborhood to play with as we were military then. Now we live rurally and there are no kids to play with in the area.

While I was decluttering, I found my older boys' copy of The Dangerous Book For Boys. Let's just say it is in very well used condition aka nearly falling apart. lol I offered it to my youngest son to have and told him if he liked it I would get him his own copy that wasn't in such bad shape. Ds11 perused it a little bit and said there were some interesting bits in it but that it wasn't anything he couldn't find on the internet if he wanted so he wasn't interested in the book. 😞 l know he's just not a book kid and he does look things up on the internet constantly when he wants to know something, either by himself or has me or his dad do it for him, but it does make me a little sad for some reason that he's not more interested in the book.

Much the same here.   My older kids go without electronics for a long time and if they are bored, they do something.   One is an avid reader.  One is an artist.   The third is a body builder and very into hours at the gym.   They all enjoy being with friends.

But A?   He says he is bored all the time!   Thank goodness he is going to full time school every day where he can be bored there! 🤪

[DawnM]

18 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm older than most on here. Most of my childhood years were before cable television was available. We were rural and my mom didn't drive. There were a very small handful of kids near my age who lived close to us. We spent a lot of time riding bikes and playing in the woods and along a creek, but . . yes, there was a LOT of boredom. Books were what saved me.

I do think a little boredom is a good thing, that it fosters creativity and allows for contemplation and thinking deep(er) thoughts. But I also don't believe that screens are bad.

I grew up overseas.   Boarding school was my haven because I was an only child and where my parents lived was very rural and not many kids and I was bored a lot.   I baked, wrote letters, sewed, and read.   I was still bored.   Sigh.

[ScoutTN]

I do think it varies a bit by kid too. Some people are just better at finding things to do. I have one kid who is almost never bored and another who is often so. Screens, work ethic (it takes time and effort to develop hobbies), personality and temperament do affect this.

I do see the lack of free range play and third spaces affecting kids now. 

Edited January 1 by ScoutTN

[Faith-manor]

I just did a tally and discovered that of the 8 bowling alleys that existed during my youth and had reasonably priced youth leagues, only one is still open and it had no bowling under 18 without an adult present. The three roller skating rinks closed in the early 90's. Of the five play grounds in the county that are not on school property, four require adult supervision for anyone under 15 years of age, and police are called and routinely take kids home if they do not have an adult chaperone. There are four bike trails with signage that no one under 15 is supposed to use them without someone 16 or older accompanying. There are two villages with summer pools, and all have a requirement for someone 16 and older to accompany anyone younger than that. These pools with lifeguards on duty. There are two splash pads, and the one in the county seat is free, but it also requires someone over 16 to supervise anyone younger than that, and police to patrol it. But here is my thing on that and the playground, if police are patrolling it (foot police) then I would think it is pretty safe, so couldn't we allow kids say 10 and older to be unaccompanied? Can we have just a little bit of encouragement of some independence? I am sure all of it is related to liability insurance.

As I said in a previous post, the ice skating is pretty well defunct now. One community took out their basketball courts because the neighbors complained that "boys show up in groups, and boys are nothing but trouble" 😠, and the tennis courts have a sign that no one under 16 allowed. So I guess they now expect kids to wait until they are sophomore or junior's in high school to learn to play this rather iconic game, and one that only required you to find 1 friend to come along instead of needing a large group to play the sport.

Most of the piano teachers have retired because they have no students sign up or parents do not want to play. So the musical kids aren't getting lessons and do not have practicing to fill their bored times. I do not give lessons anymore. No one wants to pay on time, or is even willing to pay a reasonable sum for my skills and education. 

But in fairness to the county, I will say this. The birth rate has fallen off the cliff. There are ten school districts in the county. When I was a a senior, I went to the 2nd largest district and the graduating class was 223. The largest district graduated 476 that year, and the smallest district graduated 105 (had to go look those up because I could not remember the stats). The 2022 graduating classes: my district - 67, largest district - 110, smallest district - 39. The county population has fallen 10,000 in the last 2 decades. Not only has the tax base experienced a major shrinking, but the number of kids here has fallen off a cliff while the number of retirees has grown exponentially. In my experience, retirees in this area do not vote "pro-kid" when it comes to planning and expenditures, and unfortunately have an earned reputation of "curmudgeon", and " Get off my lawn!" so that is probably a factor in how we got to a place of very few kid spaces.

[Faith-manor]

Oops, I forgot one school district. There is one tiny one that everybody kind of forgets exists around here unless you are zoned for it. Very small. There are 86 students 6-12th grade. The graduating class last year was 13. In 1982, their graduating class was 74. Given the cost of operation, and the state requirements for what must be provided, I don't know how they still functioning. I can think of two bordering districts that could take those students easily.

At any rate, it is worth considering the impact of low birth and high retirement rates have on public policy and how that plays out for children. The poster who suggested we are becoming an anti-child society may be on to something. Screens make it easy for children to be not seen, and not heard.

I also think that the poster who brought up evolutionary forces is not wrong. Brains do very much crave the things screens provide even if it is detrimental in other ways.

[Innisfree]

17 hours ago, Heartstrings said:

There has been a lot of discourse on tik tok lately about people trying to create a child free existence.  It’s not good enough to just not have your own children, there is enormous pressure to have a child free society.  Kids belong at school, daycare, at home or at a child’s play area, the rest of society is for adults, and adults only.

Appalling. 

I can understand individuals wanting to go to a nice restaurant without having badly-behaved children spoiling their meal. Some places are more appropriate for learning good behavior than others. But a child-free society in general? That’s a new concept for me. How widespread is this idea?

[Heartstrings]

24 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

Appalling. 

I can understand individuals wanting to go to a nice restaurant without having badly-behaved children spoiling their meal. Some places are more appropriate for learning good behavior than others. But a child-free society in general? That’s a new concept for me. How widespread is this idea?

It’s hard to tell on social media, with the way things get amplified.  I do think it’s more wide spread than we might think.  I think a lot of people wouldn’t phrase it in such a way but would agree with the sentiment or parts of it.  How many times have you heard people say kids shouldn’t be on an airplane for example?  Even places like a movie theater or whatever.  Lots of people think kids and teens should just  be elsewhere, even if they wouldn’t go so far as to actually verbalize that they don’t belong out in society at all.   

[Heartstrings]

6 hours ago, Eos said:

think there is a difference to the quality of the boredom now and it's because of the internet and phones. 

If that’s the case I think it started much earlier.  I remember watching QVC on tv as a child, which was boring.  Or watching TV shows that weren’t terribly interesting.  Technically I was choosing to watch QVC on my own, instead of building a mud pie or something, long before the internet was being pumped into family homes. 

[SKL]

Honestly, OP, I think your mom was unusual in how much effort she put into making sure you had things to do back in the day.  My parents literally never took us anywhere for social purposes, except occasionally to the homes of our relatives or our parents' friends.  We weren't rural, but the same was true of our rural friends.  It's also pretty unusual that you had so much private land to play on.  We had our postage stamp yard and a few small urban lots (like the little lot next to the corner gas station) to play on.  Kids can get creative with a lot less.

I also think that the line of reasoning that "because of sports, kids have fewer chances to do things together" is a little odd.  Because of sports, a lot of kids ARE doing things together, meaning that those who aren't into sports need to find something comparable.

I think it's still acceptable to give chores if the kids are bored.  Another option is to do some service work.  I've never met a kid, urban or rural, who couldn't come up with something more fun to do than scrub the toilets.  😛

I do agree that kicking them outside all day doesn't work so well any more in some places.  But if you have any property that is safe for a child to play on ... even a postage stamp lawn ... then there's nothing wrong with sending them outside to play for hours at a time.  It's what my sibs and I did.  Even when my siblings were busy, I would move things around to create a private space for me to play house or whatever.  Occasionally I'd even do something altruistic for my folks.  Another thing my friends / sibs and I would do was create clubs, governments, etc.  We even had a whole handwritten "constitution" for one of them.  We had several secret code languages for the "spy society" we created.  I also used to publish a handwritten newspaper, complete with fake news and an "advice column" with fake questions.  😛 

I don't recall being bored, but it wasn't because I had a magical world arranged by adults.  Quite the contrary.

Of course, some of the things we did were not good ideas.  It's a balance to figure out how much leeway we want to give our kids to come up with bad ideas.  😛

[Pawz4me]

5 minutes ago, SKL said:

My parents literally never took us anywhere for social purposes, except occasionally to the homes of our relatives or our parents' friends. 

Same. I can count on one hand the times I can remember an adult doing anything for the sole purpose of entertaining kids. Mostly those times were my aunt taking her kids, my brother and me to a movie. I can't say that other families didn't do more because I don't have any memory of that. But I know mine didn't.

Quote

Of course, some of the things we did were not good ideas.  It's a balance to figure out how much leeway we want to give our kids to come up with bad ideas.  😛

Yep. I remember quite a few kids getting into quite a lot of trouble, and in hindsight I feel sure boredom played a big part in that. Kids will figure out something to do when they're bored, but it won't always be something productive or positive. Of course some of that comes back to supervision or lack thereof. I was raised when kids were pretty much left to their own devices in most every way--no expectation of parental entertaining, but also very little supervision.

[Clarita]

I'm reading this thread and I realize that maybe it's because (at least where I live) in most households both parents work full time jobs. So one they could drive me anywhere until after work which was at best around 4:30 or 5pm and usually my mom had some sort of errand she had to run. By the time the errand finished it was time to think about dinner. Monday thru Friday no one is going to drop me off at the ice-skating rink. Perhaps there is a large anti-children group out there or perhaps these businesses just don't get enough business because parents are working.

I also knew a lot of my friends with two working parents, we weren't allowed to leave the house until our parents were back from work. I think it's different to let your kids wander the neighborhood and you are at home for them to reach you compared there is no adult at home. So then at some point we would find after school activities to do like sports, clubs, etc. Then by that time we would be tired by the time we got home from school and all the school activities. Then again not utilizing the local bowling alley leading to them going out of business. 🤷‍♀️

[SKL]

Well and most families only had one car, which was wherever the dad was working.  (My mom worked, but she took the bus to and from.)

[SHP]

1 hour ago, Innisfree said:

Appalling. 

I can understand individuals wanting to go to a nice restaurant without having badly-behaved children spoiling their meal. Some places are more appropriate for learning good behavior than others. But a child-free society in general? That’s a new concept for me. How widespread is this idea?

I agree it is appalling. I have noticed my restaurant experiences never invo badly-behaved kids. Badly-behaved adults? Yes. Parents who ignore a young child/toddler? Yes. 

A child free society has been around for decades. The people are disgusting. They view all children as expendable and non people. I will not repeate what I have heard said, too triggering. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I was homeschooled and super rural with no neighbors so I do think my parents put a lot more effort into getting us out of the house. Honestly, if they hadn’t, we would have been extremely isolated.

I suspect if we had attended school my parents wouldn’t have tried so hard.  I think it was just that they had to be so much more intentional about social activities because I was homeschooled with no neighbors.

I just keep coming back to how all of those social activities simply no longer exist.  But the more I think about it, perhaps it is really because my area is experiencing both population loss as well as a birth decline, so maybe there are no longer children to support those activities. Specifically in our local homeschooling community, more than 50% of moms are working now too, myself included, so that’s a limiting factor.  Plus the warmer winters have killed the typical outdoor activities we’d be doing.  Like I keep saying, I can’t even kick my kids outside for a few hours in December like my mom happily did, because it’s all just mud or freezing rain. We have acreage, but the mud really limits what can be done—we have go karts and dirt bikes and all of that but it’s unusable, and no snow for the toboggans/sleds/snowmobiles. I want climate change to go away and my snowy winters or at least frozen ground to come back. 

If I travel 90 minutes, there are fun centers and trampoline parks and such.  I just can’t justify the cost more than once or twice a year.  We did ten minutes of airsoft shooting at the mall the other night and it was $80 for five of us.

Edited January 1 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Corraleno]

36 minutes ago, SKL said:

Honestly, OP, I think your mom was unusual in how much effort she put into making sure you had things to do back in the day.  My parents literally never took us anywhere for social purposes...

Same. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of anything my parents ever took us to, and other than occasionally going to the beach in summer (where we were left totally unsupervised), the only thing I can think of is one time they took us to a drive-in to see a really violent movie that wasn't exactly kid-friendly — and then we got yelled at for chewing popcorn too loud, lol. The idea of taking us ice skating or to a bowling alley or even to a friend's house or to after-school activities just wouldn't have occurred to them. If we couldn't get there on our own by bike (and pay any admission fee with our own money, which we never had anyway), then we didn't go. I think it was a combination of poverty and just the overall hands-off approach to kids that was common at the time.

[Clarita]

29 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

If I travel 90 minutes, there are fun centers and trampoline parks and such.  I just can’t justify the cost more than once or twice a year.  We did ten minutes of airsoft shooting at the mall the other night and it was $80 for five of us.

Some of those get more affordable if you get an annual pass and then go more often. A few we've gotten is basically 2x admission, then we get to go as many times as we want the rest of the year. 

[rebcoola]

16 hours ago, Heartstrings said:

I live in a small city or large town and we only have a few things. Movie theater, trampoline park, bowling, small laxer tag.  That’s it.  There are go carts about 20 min out of town.   The biggest problem is money.  I can’t afford to take my teens all the time or their friends can’t afford to go and I can’t pay for several kids to go very often.  
 

We do have a real mall, although it’s pretty small. My teens aren’t the type to hang out at the mall and I’ve heard that security isn’t friendly to large groups of teens.  

My teens only do those things every once in awhile. A lot of them are 20 minutes away the roller rink is close by .  They mostly just hangout at people's houses or coffee shops watch movies and play games

Edited January 1 by rebcoola