What's Your Why for Homeschooling?

[gonejustcouldntdelete]

Hi yall! 

I'm new to homeschooling, and one thing I've noticed while researching curricula is that "the why" matters so much with regards to whether or not a curriculum is a good fit. It got me thinking, and I thought it might be fun to discuss. Our whys are:

1.) Christ-centered

2.) Culture - My dh and I was our dc to be knowledgeable about our history, to have read the Great Books, and to have been exposed to the great artists and composers.

3.) Nutrition - Food in public schools is absolutely atrocious at breakfast and lunch, but the food at recess is awful (they only sell pop, candy, and chips).

4.) Time with the kids - I work Friday-Sunday, a combination of two 14s and a 16; if my dd started school this coming year, I would rarely see her. 

 

What's yall's why?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Because I was a professional public and private school teacher and I could do a better job homeschooling.

 

[ScoutTN]

Biblical worldview 

More time together as a family and more flexible schedule. No up and out rush in the mornings, plenty of time to read, etc.

Ability to tailor academics to my children’s needs and interests. 

 

Edited March 2, 2023 by ScoutTN

[lmrich]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Because I was a professional public and private school teacher and I could do a better job homeschooling.

 

Same! 

and I liked my kids

[Wheres Toto]

It was pretty clear when my son was in Early Intervention from 3 to 4 years old that public school was not going to serve him well.    We actually just started out doing preschool at home because he "graduated" from EI and was declassified but they didn't tell us until around April of that year.  All the halfway decent preschools fill up in February.  So we decided to do preschool at home and researching that kind of just led us to continuing at home.  He's in college now and never went to school past EI.   I knew at 4 years old ps would be an issue especially when they told us to not send him back to kindergarten until he was 6, due to his summer birthday and quirky social behaviors.   He was already reading so that seemed like a bad idea, to have him completely bored out of his mind.  Now we know he's ASD, SPD and gifted.  

My dd just kind of came along for the ride but turns out she has adhd and anxiety so I'm sure homeschooling was much better for her than public school could ever have been. 

We offered both our kids the option to go to public high school.  Neither wanted to.

[Nm.]

*Biblical worldview

*More time for interest led learning

*thorough Math and ELA- at their level

*avoid all the gender confusion (DH is a teacher and has seen a lot of push by faculty)

*More flexibility for field trips, days off with extended family, etc.

*stronger family bonds vs overwhelming peer influence

 

[FreyaO]

Because we tried a highly selective public school and a private school and none worked for our family.

[countrymum]

-Christian worldview

-stronger sibling bonds and more intergenerational social outlets

-Math and all Language Arts at the child's level

-I taught school and didn't want that for my kids. I could do better 1 on 1 (or even 1 on 5;)

-I wanted to make sure our children received thorough phonics in early elementary

-ability to tailor school to the child's interests and learning strengths within reason

Edited March 3, 2023 by countrymum

[Clarita]

A lot of people were pulling me aside to ask me what I was going to do for school for my son when he was 3 years old. These were people including public school teachers. They were all concerned about me sending him to our local public school. The private schools I could afford would/could essentially told me they would most likely have my son skipped grade(s) if he could do what I said he could do (read). I didn't and still don't think my son currently has the maturity to skip grade(s) so here we are homeschooling.

We are now a year and a half in and my son and I are thriving homeschooling. My big threat when he is giving me lip is I'll send him to a B&M school. He thinks school is like summer camp (he is currently in K) and he is threatened by the fact that I might send him there. 

His younger sister will tag along, because currently she'll be upset if her brother got to do school with mommy and she has to go to school.

So my why doesn't inform what curricula I pick. It's a mix of what can I actually wrap my head around and what our (dh and my) goals for our kids are. From there my kids also get a say in what curricula they prefer.

[8filltheheart]

I'm feeling very lazy.  I'm just copying and pasting an old blog post:

It all boils down to that simple question.  Why?  For some people the lifestyle changes necessary for even entertaining the question are so unimaginable, so repugnant that they won’t even bother contemplating the possible answers.  For others, though, the question is deep, probing, and unrelentless in its call for a different childhood for their children, different possibilities, different influences shaping their children’s lives. The glimpses of the vision at the edge of the question are enticing enough to make the sacrifices to walk away from the old, well-trod path and make the decision to diverge from the flow of the masses and search for what is beyond that glimpse, a new day’s dawn revealing the possibilities with greater clarity.

For our family, we started backward.  I didn’t contemplate homeschooling.  I had never even heard of homeschooling before the day we started.  But, wanting something better than public school is what led me to discover that homeschooling was an option.  That was 28 yrs ago.  My motivation for homeschooling back then was academically motivated, desiring more than busywork and spoon-fed, lock-step education.  Today’s lists of reasons for homeschooling are far more serious, far more life-altering, and even far more childhood-preserving than anything that crossed my mind in the early 1990s.

Hyperbolic naysayers proclaim homeschooling can’t possibly benefit children.  Physically?  Emotionally?  Academically?  Spiritually?  Mentally?  That is not just a list of hypothetical words representing hypothetical situations. Those words represent different real-world scenarios facing children with some of those scenarios being more dire for some individual families than others. Regardless of what children face daily, the reality behind those words impacts the absolute foundation of each child’s personhood.  They represent the cumulative influences that minute after minute, hour after hour shape how our children view the world, form their thoughts and opinions, master concepts, and ultimately influence the “who” our children become.

After our first year of homeschooling, I knew that homeschooling was the only educational option I wanted to pursue for our children. I had immersed myself in researching educational philosophy and cognitive development at a depth far greater than my bachelor’s degree had covered.  I recognized that the weaknesses of modern educational pedagogy, focused on textbook snippet summations and worksheet outputs, inhibited the very cognitive skills that I wanted our children to develop.  I wanted their educations to be the science of relations, connecting ideas across the spectrum of subject matter, not focused on checking off a list of boxed-in content. Inspiring my children’s internal motivation and desire to learn became the filter through which I made decisions.

Over time I decided that I needed to form a mission statement to be my constant reminder of the whys behind our homeschooling choice. By that point my goal was, and continues to be, exposing our children to the depth of ideas that form our cultural and theological values as devout Catholics and allowing them to form their understanding of their place within God’s creation.  Inspired by St. Ignatius, my mission statement can be summed up as, “Providing an education which enables our children to maintain the interior mental freedom to achieve the end for which they were created.”  When I wrote my mission statement over 2 decades ago, I knew my spin on interior mental freedom did not really reflect St. Ignatius’s view since his context was spiritual and my statement was based on academic intellectual freedom that acknowledged faith and reason could walk hand in hand.  But, now, 20+ years later, my mission statement is even more relevant and more important for passing on our values to our children, educationally, philosophically, and theologically, than I had ever contemplated when I originally created it.

So why homeschool?  Every family’s reasons are different.  Considering that children spend more daylight hours at school than with their family, does the school provide the physical, emotional, academic, and spiritual environment that protects and nurtures your children’s mental well-being while reflecting the values that matter to you? What light does your children’s school shine into their days? The whys are there to consider and evaluate.  I am no longer an advocate of homeschooling simply because homeschooling can provide superior academic outcomes (though that is definitely a truth).  Academics are only a fraction of child’s daily life in their school environment. When weighing all the components of a child’s day, how is each question answered compared to what you value as a parent? In those answers the whys might be revealed for your individual family.  On which path do you choose to tread?

 

[Not_a_Number]

Originally, because DD10 got really bored in kindergarten and didn't want to keep going to school. 

Also because I was unimpressed with the educational system and always figured I'd be supplementing after school, but kindergarten made it clear that if I did that, DD10 would have no time to be a kid at all, and I didn't want that. I wanted the chance to do good academic work and for her to have lots of play time, too. That required homeschooling. 

[wisdomandtreasures]

13 years in that system was enough for me. 

[SilverMoon]

We started because our oldest kids had special needs that would make a big classroom difficult enough they would be surviving instead of thriving. 

We kept going because it worked well for all of us. They were able to spend far more time with their dad than would have been possible otherwise. They could learn at their own pace and thrive with lessons taught the way they learn best. 

One kid went to a charter school in high school because it wasn't working for him or us any longer. Our relationship with him was more important than keeping him homeschooled. Our only regret was waiting as long as we did to make the switch. 🙂

The next ones homeschooled until dual enrollment. 

The youngest ones are thriving and have zero desire to attend a school. They wouldn't be able to dance as much as they do otherwise and that's their passion. There's no way I'd send them to the public school in our town with the ridiculous political climate. If the time ever comes we'd look for good charters. 

[Nichola]

Nm

Edited April 24 by Nichola

[Momof4sweetkids]

1. I enjoy spending time with my kids and having them be together more as siblings. 

2. I feel competent to teach them and hope to instill a love of learning that public school didn't give me.

3. Biblical worldview and church community focus

[BusyMom5]

I wanted to homeschool, but had twins the year ODD would go to kindergarten.  I just sent her, and I do think it was the right thing to do at that time.  I knew if I wanted to homeschool,  I had standards that just weren't possible at that time.  Fast forward 5 years:  ODD is gifted and bored to tears,  she doesn't like school and wants to homeschool.  DD2 is really struggling with an undiagnosed LD and I'm spending a good 2-3 hours every night trying to help her- she cries every day.  I'm at a place where I feel like my only option is to try homeschooling- so I dive right in!  Homeschooling 4 kids, with a toddler.  

My goals at that point were a custom education for each kid, and I think that still guides me as I choose curriculum each year.  Within the first 3 months, I realized my second goal- to give my kids time to play and be kids.  They played outside all the time.   School was usually finished by lunch,  so they had all afternoon to play together.   My twins were 1st grade- school totaled less than 2 hours a day vs 7 hours at public school!  (Leave by 7:40, home at 3:45 if I drop off and pick up)  They loved it!  My struggling student still struggled,  but school became a thing we checked off and her focus was on playing.  I noticed a drop in anxiety immediately. Attitude toward school was better, and I was able to move at her pace.  There were lots of hiccups along the way- but she's a Senior snd on her way to college!  Will graduate with over a year finished!  In public school she would have slipped between the cracks- turns out her LD made learning in a classroom impossible.  

I never really considered myself the overprotective type, but today I will say my 3rd goal is to keep my kids innocence a lot longer.  No sexually explicit content in elementary school.  Very limited computer access until high school, and then it's baby steps.  I also have friends that teach,  and they report so much violence in the classroom.   Violent kids throwing desks and chairs- kids evacuating the room several times a week while Johnny throws a tantrum- its unbelievable!  I don't want my kids to normalize violence.  

So-

1.  Customized Education 

2.  Time to play and be creative 

3.  Safety and inappropriate content

[alysee]

1. I love homeschooling. I have loved seeing all the educational things they have been excited about.

2. I don't like teachers. There I said it. Here in Canada they pretend they are hardworking and love kids but there are strikes or potential strikes every few years and it feels like they teach only for the 3 months off and money and pension. 

3. One of my kids is gifted. I wouldn't want him to skip a grade or two because he is a twin. 

4. To keep them safe. Even here in Canada schools do lockdown drills. 

5. Tailored education. One of my kids is obsessed with Nature. In fact, she needs nature everyday to stay regulated thanks to ADHD.

6. I want them to love learning. In every way my need for learning was stifled when I was a kid.

Edited March 3, 2023 by alysee

[Nm.]

@BusyMom5 the violence in the classrooms here is unbelievable!  Though my husband teaches elementary, he has still seen a lot, and the highschool is even more out of control in the district he works.  It makes headlines.  He has been threatened by children, some years it’s been pretty scary.

Edited March 3, 2023 by Lovinglife123

[Ellie]

My reasons changed over time.

Initially, we planned to send our dc to a private Christian school because we didn't have faith in the public schools to actually, you know, *educate* our children. We started with a Christian school that many of our friends had sent their dc to, one which used all ABeka. Turns out that ABeka schools are very rigid, and so even though my dd learned to read well, and was doing well academically overall, by Easter break of first grade she was a mess emotionally. I took her out during Easter vacation (April of 1982); I figured we'd just call it an early summer break and be officially homeschooling in the Fall, and if by Christmas we were all still normal and still liked each other, we'd continue. How's that for commitment? 🙂 FTR, it was 18 mos of unschooling before dd was her normal self.

I'm not a deep thinker, so things like "Christian world view" didn't enter into my equation until much, much later.

While I was reading everything I could find about homeschooling (which in 1982 was primarily John Holt), I came across a quote from Plato, or Aristotle, or one of those guys, which was along the lines of "Be careful not to force a child into a specific kind of learning as you might miss his genius." And that spoke to me so loudly! I *never* wanted to miss my dc's genius! Another was from a homeschooling parent who was amazed that her ds did so well in math, because it was her own weakest subject. Her son said to her, "But, Mom--you taught me how to learn!" And that was my other goal: to teach my dc how to learn. I watched my older dd do her capstone project (MA in nonprofit management, which she says is like an MBA except for, you know, non-profits) last Spring, and I felt like I, too, had graduated.

While we were hsing, I did use Christian materials for the most part, especially for history and science, partly because of worldview and whatnot, but also because secular hsers have not written their own materials to the extent that Christian hsers have so it was much easier to acquire Christian materials.  Publishers of faith-based textbooks are more likely to sell to hsers, as well, including teacher editions and supplementals and whatnot. We hsed before Cancel Culture and CRT and that kind of cr*p, but there were still problems with secular textbooks, so there's that.

Anyway.

Neither of my dc *loved* homeschooling, and older dd is just a tiny bit bitter (WTH?!), but even so, knowing what I know now, if I had to do it again, I'd do it in a heartbeat, in an instant, without a second thought.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

My youngest made almost no academic progress from kindergarten to second grade. I pulled him out in October of this year(2nd grade). He doesn’t love it but he’s made significant academic progress since then.

I wish I had more socialization opportunities for him because I do think it’s important but nothing here works well with my work schedule.

[wendyroo]

I knew early on that my kids would not be a good fit for public school.

Academically they are far too advanced for their needs to be met in a regular classroom setting. In fact, my one child who is in the district's full-time, self-contained gifted program still is immensely bored by what they can offer. We live in a "good" school district in a relatively well-funded community, and yet there are just so few opportunities for individualization and challenge. According to the school's own tests, my sixth grade son is solidly ready for algebra, yet even in the gifted program he won't be allowed to take algebra until 8th grade. Meanwhile, at home my current 8th grader is finishing Pre-Calc, and my 4th grader is starting a rigorous algebra program...because I am free to meet them right where they are in both skill and interest.

On the other hand, all of my kids hang out on the low end of the social/emotional development and mental health spectra. They don't cope well with chaos, schedule changes, anxiety, bullies, etc. Obviously they can't avoid those things entirely even at home, but we can support them in ways the public school never could. We can prioritize mental health and building coping skills in everything we do. We can be very picky about what extracurriculars and groups we attend. We can makes sure they get enough sleep, healthy food, exercise and downtime every day. We can support their independence and interests and personal boundaries in ways that a school system never could. (It took six months for the public school to figure out a reliable system for  remembering to give my son his daily medication, so I put no faith in them being able to keep tabs on his tenuous mental health or general wellbeing.)

[Miss Tick]

Driving a half hour to preschool and then filling the 3 hours until they were done seemed harder and way more expensive than just teaching them reading and arithmatic myself in a fraction of that time. Things snowballed from there and now they are heading to college next year. I'm not looking forward to the drive to drop them off but I can't put it off any longer. 😄

[Clemsondana]

My kids both went to 2 day/week 1/2 day preschool at our church because it served a particular (and different!) purpose for each kid.  But, I also realized that those few hours, which they were free to attend or skip as I saw fit, was about the level of schooling that I was comfortable with for my littles.  I was ruminating on homeschooling but it seemed too weird.  Then my older's Sunday school teacher, a public school K teacher, pulled me aside and said 'Please don't send kiddo to school.  Kids like that get ignored because they already know everything.'  I hated the idea of kid wasting as much time as I did in elementary - I spent so much time shelving books, helping other kids, staring at the wall, etc.  So, when we made a cross-country move and were in an apartment looking for a house as older started K, I had an easy reason - I didn't want kid to start school and have to move mid-year.  We found a co-op where kid took a few hours of fun classes once/week, and otherwise I did everything at home, teaching kid at kid's pace and grade level.  Both sets of grandparents, initially dubious, were impressed, and kid's love of rec sports overcame their concerns about kid socializing normally.  🙂  

By the end of K, kid was ready to start 4th grade math and had friends at the co-op, and I was developing a philosophy that my goal was to expose my kid to as much as possible, teach foundational skills as well as possible,  and preserve time for play or read or meander around outside.  So, I wanted to teach efficiently - not glossing over things, but eliminating busy work and thinking about the purpose behind why we did what we did so that there wasn't busywork.  That didn't necessarily guide us to any particular type of curriculum.  For instance, we used the Inference Jones workbooks to address a particular challenge that kid had.  We used a 'how to use maps' workbook in K in part because I wanted the kids to have something tiny that they could do on their own - they liked that feeling of accomplishment.  At different times with different kids I've made choices to do more or less together, more or less independent, have more or less output, move slower or faster, etc.  Sometimes it's purely about academic needs and other times it's to address some other need.  

Over time, I also developed a philosophy about not asking kids to solve adult problems.  I have the inkling that asking people to dwell on issues that they can't fix is bad for mental health, and I think it can make kids feel helpless. This isn't to say that I shelter them, but, for instance, rather than telling the kids that it's on them to solve climate change, we talked about what they could do to reduce the amount of waste that we generate.  As they grow to high school we do more with public policy, the big picture, and how complex the world is.  

As we moved into the teen years, being efficient freed-up time has allowed the kids to participate in a bigger variety of activities - Science Olympiad and a sport for both, and then scouts for one and martial arts and violin for the other.  My older completes a few credits every summer during high school to make it possible to juggle everything during the school year, and learning to own ones schedule and time management has been invaluable.  During the high school years, I also love that, while we have used AP and DE for specific purposes and classes, kid hasn't been pushed to do the busywork associated with the classes in school nor to take the dumb/unneeded APs that is the only way for kids to get challenging material at many high schools.  Kid chose to take the AP US History exam because it aligned nicely with a co-op history class that kid took with friends.  But, for world history, kid read several books and then dug into a long, detailed history of warfare as the primary text.  My younger may not ever do AP because, while equally smart, I can't see it being a great fit even if kid does take the same co-op history class.  But, I could easily imagine younger graduating high school having earned, or being close to earning, an associates.  Older is motivated by learning, younger is motivated by getting on with life, and I am glad that I can help both of them work somewhat with their natural inclinations.  

[8filltheheart]

3 hours ago, Ellie said:

"Be careful not to force a child into a specific kind of learning as you might miss his genius."

I love that quote.

[alysee]

I totally forgot the most important reason to homeschool is because the thought of herding 5 kids to school who also look presentable sounds awful since they would have to be ready by 8:30. 

[AnneGG]

We live on the same street as an elementary school. The car line opens at 6:45 a.m. and the tardy bell rings at 7:15 a.m. 

yeah, it’s a no from me 

 

(removed my GIF) 

Edited March 4, 2023 by AnneGG

[Clarita]

16 minutes ago, AnneGG said:

We live on the same street as an elementary school. The car line opens at 6:45 a.m. and the tardy bell rings at 7:15 a.m. 

That is way too early.

[Arcadia]

15 minutes ago, AnneGG said:

We live on the same street as an elementary school. The car line opens at 6:45 a.m. and the tardy bell rings at 7:15 a.m. 

yeah, it’s a no from me 

That’s early. Our down the road K-8 school starts at 8:15am. The school bus for 6-8th grade arrives at 7:30am so that kids under the free breakfast and lunch program could eat. There is no school bus for K-5th.

My kids were in public school. We started homeschooling when their math was way ahead and English essay writing was way behind. They were also ironically ahead for reading comprehension compared to grade level. DS17 was also a slow reader who can handle harder work but takes a longer time than traditional classroom time. So we basically homeschool to prevent our kids being school dropouts and demoralized. We did outsourced brick and mortar classes because DS17 was depressed with isolation so we picked hand on classes or classes whether we know the instructors allow for lots of interaction/discussion. DS18 was less affected but very happy attending outsourced classes and was lonely during the pandemic when everything went online. We are an agnostic/atheist family so religion wasn’t a factor. 

[Eos]

Oldest ds was and probably is some version of ADHD. I didn't want him to be always in trouble so we started at home and never looked back.

Support for our Quaker, progressive world-view.  Ability to avoid quite a lot of modern consumerism culture and the teaching of history in a way that is objectionable to us.

Ability to support deep tangents and long-term mentoring relationships which ultimately led to college and career paths.

Fun!  Travel, adventure, and connection to nature.

Time with my children and time as a family: a priceless gift I would never give up. 

 

[GoodnightMoogle]

A lot of people have the same reasons as me so I’ll add a couple more.

It is atrocious how little time outside children are getting these days. They are basically sequestered in a building all day, mostly sitting. A fifteen minute recess and a “go-noodle” video is not enough exercise by a long shot. In fact, I would argue that more of the day should be devoted to free play and outdoor activities than to sit down school work for the littles. Teens need outside time, too.

My other reason is that I hope to foster a deeper sense of community with my children, in our family, and outside of our family. We can argue all day long about why kids are more anxious and depressed these days, but a big reason imho is the disconnect from their communities. They are with same-age peers all day. I think getting them involved in community work and service early is a good mindset to foster. I think spending time picking up litter, spending time in old folks’ homes (our church runs a program at one), and just volunteering in the community with others is well worth the time spent. You just don’t have time to do all that if they are at sitting at school for the majority of their childhood. 
 

Academics are great, they are important, but some things are more important, and kids aren’t getting them at school. 

[AnneGG]

Coming back to this…

there are so many reasons to homeschool! My favorite part of homeschooling is that we get to do life together. Homeschooling gives us time. It gives us memories. You never know what life will hold. These are our golden years. 
 

I followed a homeschool mom on YouTube that recently passed away and it broke my heart. In one of her videos she talked about how thankful she was her children had special memories with her from homeschooling. And it just gave me all the feels and put so many things in perspective. 

[Garga]

My oldest has ADHD. He went to 2 years of preschool (couple of hours 3 times a week). He was set to go to K when he was 5, and made the cut off for his age by 3 days (had to be 5 by 9/15. His birthday was 9/12). But that year, they changed the cutoff date to be that you had to be 5 by 9/1, so now he missed the cutoff by 12 days. When I asked if exceptions could be made at the local public school and a local private school, it was a firm “NO.” He missed the cutoff by 12 days, period.

Because of his ADHD I couldn’t send him to preschool for a 3rd year as he was getting bored with the activities since he’d done them twice. 

So, I thought, “Eh, I’ll just come up with kindergarten-y things to do this year and send him to K next year if it doesn’t work out.” 

Well, it worked out. So, for 1st grade, I thought, “Eh, I’ll just show him some 1st grade stuff, and send him to 1st grade next year if it doesn’t work out.” 

Well, it worked out. We did that for 11 years. For 12th grade, he was so beyond me academically that it was costing me too much to pay for classes for him, so he went to an online school in my state, which was free. 

He’s entering his junior year in college now to become a mathematician. I asked him what he thought of homeschooling and he said that he thinks he got a superior education compared to everyone else he knows that went to regular school, but he doesn’t think he was able to learn enough social skills because he was homeschooled.

Ha! Nah. That was actually another reason that I homeschooled him. He’s a square peg in this round world. He was so quirky and independent that he’d have been teased too much if he went to school. He’d have struggled to fit in. I could be wrong, but he’s an awful lot like me, and that was my story. The teasing and rejection when I was young was traumatizing and took me until my 30s to work through it. My son blames homeschooling for his struggle with social skills. But I’m pretty sure that it’s genetics and that I saved him a couple of decades of misery working through being rejected by his peers in school. I could be wrong, and we’ll never know. I made the best decision I could at the time. I joined homeschool co-ops and invited his friends over all the time, so that he was able to be around plenty of people. He always haaaated going to the co-ops. He preferred to be at home, and still does. I think it’s his nature. 

My youngest would have fit in at school, but I’m pretty sure he would have been overly influenced by peers and I would have had my work cut out breaking bad habits with him. My youngest would have wanted to be “cool” and fit in.

So, why did I start homeschooling? Because I didn’t know what else to do with the oldest when he was 5 and figured I might as well show him things like some math and reading and writing. 

Why did I continue homeschooling?

• I loved that I could tailor the curric to my students. My younger son learned a different way from the oldest, so I could buy two different curric’s for each son that suited their strengths. 
• I loved the time together! Such a preciousness in that time together!
• I loved that I could pass on my values.
• I didn’t want school kids who weren’t into learning to make my sons think learning was dumb. I live in an area where people don’t value education as much as I do, so I didn’t want them to be labeled as “nerdy brains” for enjoying history or science or math.
• I wanted their eduction to be enriched with lots of field trips and to be hands-on in a way that classrooms just can’t do. 
• My oldest had ADHD and spent the first 6 years of education listening to his history and science and literature lessons balanced on his head with his feet in the air. He was always able to move as much as he needed to while learning. I love that I could let him be his wiggly self all day long. 

 

Well, I’m sure there are many more reasons, but this is what I can think of now. 

 

[wendyroo]

37 minutes ago, Garga said:

I asked him what he thought of homeschooling and he said that he thinks he got a superior education compared to everyone else he knows that went to regular school, but he doesn’t think he was able to learn enough social skills because he was homeschooled.

For us, I think society is planting the idea in my kids' heads that "socialization" has to look a certain way (aka like it does for typical school kids) in order to count.

My almost-14-year-old's therapist asked him if he has friends. DS said yes. Then the therapist asked whether DS "does things" with his friends outside of school. DS said no.

On one hand, if you are imagining DS only being around peers while sitting at desks listening to teachers lecture during academic classes, then that certainly could be a lack of socialization.

On the other hand, the "school" in which DS is interacting with his friends isn't at all what society images it to be. He spends one day in nature class with a group of 12 to 17 year olds hiking and building shelters and doing rope course challenges. He spends several hours every week in a board game club for tweens and teens. He has a weekly escape room class where the kids are working in teams to solve puzzles. He has a comic book drawing class where the kids have tons of time to socialize and collaborate. And he has a gym class that consists of a group of kids getting together to wakeboard, skateboard, rock climb, snowboard, etc.

So, no, DS does not "do things" with his friends "after school" at home or at the mall or wherever public school kids socialize. But he is spending about 15 school hours a week participating in largely recreational activities with a consistent group of kids who are within about 3 year plus or minus of his age. Plus, of course, he spends a ton of time interacting with younger kids and adults of all ages in all sorts of social settings.

So I can easily imagine my kids internalizing society's message that their social awkwardness is due to a lack of socialization...when really, like you say, their awkwardness is simply part of who they are, and they would have been miserable being "socialized" to fit a public school mold.

[Nm.]

@Garga  private/public school here- still trying to work through the extreme trauma of that.  ADHD as well.  He would have likely been a target.

[MaryCrawley]

Because our local district is not rigorous enough for our needs.

[Momto6inIN]

Our 4 oldest kids were in public school until the end of 7th, 5th, 3rd, and PreK. The longer they were in public school, the more the school schedule/activities/homework took over our lives and the less time I got to spend with them.

Bottom line: I missed my kids and I wanted to be with them and I wanted our family time to be the priority, not something that got squeezed in to the evening hours when everybody was stressed and the weekends. That felt like a crappy custody arrangement, not a family.

All the other great things about homeschooling that others have mentioned were things I discovered after we took the plunge.

[Shoeless]

My kid was several grade levels ahead of his peers and the school couldn't accommodate that difference, (and even if they could accommodate, they made it clear they were not willing to do so).  He's in 8th grade now, and while he could transition back into school, we can't think of a great reason for him to go. The quality of education is not great, the food is terrible, there's a lot of bullying, there's a casual attitude about covid, drugs, sex, and the routine active shooter drills would make my kid an anxious mess. 

I don't like the way that family life revolves around the school schedule. I thought it was wrong and unnatural that my son would get to see his dad for maybe an hour a day after daddy got home from work.  That's bananas.  I don't like the fundraisers. "Hustle hustle hustle, kids! Gotta sell that wrapping paper so you can maybe have a pizza party!" NO. 

I didn't appreciate the school social worker telling me "We thank you for supporting our goals for your son". I'm sorry, what? He's 6, you've known him 1 week, but you're talking like I'm a potential obstacle to your "goals" and like you need to put me in my correct place within the school hierarchy.  Exactly what goals do you have for him?  Oh, that's right, you don't have any goals for him because he's ahead academically. Why are we here, again? 

I have to add, I'm not good at "fitting in" to whatever everyone else is doing. My husband isn't, either. I saw very early on that my son was like his parents, so if school was going to work for him, he'd need teachers that supported out-of-the-box thinkers. I grew up with a school district that supported outliers. That's probably why I really liked school.  My husband grew up in a district with very authoritarian leaders, where outliers were singled out and shown the door.  That's a big part of why he disliked school. 

It became quickly apparent that our district was not the slightest bit interested in outliers and that school would be a non-stop battle. I didn't want our relationship with our son to be a casualty of that battle. So here we are. 

         

Edited March 8, 2023 by Shoeless

[Shoeless]

On 3/4/2023 at 11:05 PM, wendyroo said:

For us, I think society is planting the idea in my kids' heads that "socialization" has to look a certain way (aka like it does for typical school kids) in order to count.

My almost-14-year-old's therapist asked him if he has friends. DS said yes. Then the therapist asked whether DS "does things" with his friends outside of school. DS said no.

On one hand, if you are imagining DS only being around peers while sitting at desks listening to teachers lecture during academic classes, then that certainly could be a lack of socialization.

On the other hand, the "school" in which DS is interacting with his friends isn't at all what society images it to be. He spends one day in nature class with a group of 12 to 17 year olds hiking and building shelters and doing rope course challenges. He spends several hours every week in a board game club for tweens and teens. He has a weekly escape room class where the kids are working in teams to solve puzzles. He has a comic book drawing class where the kids have tons of time to socialize and collaborate. And he has a gym class that consists of a group of kids getting together to wakeboard, skateboard, rock climb, snowboard, etc.

So, no, DS does not "do things" with his friends "after school" at home or at the mall or wherever public school kids socialize. But he is spending about 15 school hours a week participating in largely recreational activities with a consistent group of kids who are within about 3 year plus or minus of his age. Plus, of course, he spends a ton of time interacting with younger kids and adults of all ages in all sorts of social settings.

So I can easily imagine my kids internalizing society's message that their social awkwardness is due to a lack of socialization...when really, like you say, their awkwardness is simply part of who they are, and they would have been miserable being "socialized" to fit a public school mold.

I'm really glad you wrote this about socialization. My kid's week looks similar to this. He has regular things to do with a consistent group of kids and feels content. One of the girls in his art class made a valentine for him, so things can't be that bad! 😉 

I get a lot of anxiety and criticism thrown my way by family because DS14 doesn't "do stuff" with kids outside of these activities. But he's engaged with peers for 10-15 hours a week doing things he enjoys.  That is more than what the adults criticizing me and him are getting each week.  

[73349]

*gestures broadly toward Mr. 15*

 

 

(I used to teach school. I could see when he was 3 that neither our school district nor the private school where I used to work would be a good it.)

[rebcoola]

We are a bunch of pegs that will never fit in the circular school pegs.  And I didn't want to try to fit.  I figured my oldest people pleaser would make  herself fit to her detriment and that my now middle would be in constant trouble.

We have literally 1 option in this area that isn't regular traditional school and it's expensive and small.

We also got more time with dad he started a job with a crazy rotating schedule that included 8 days off in a row every 6 weeks and wanted to be able to take advantage.

Joking kind of but socialization I wanted my kids to be comfortable with lots of people not just kids their age.

[-----]

I watched my oldest go through the ps system back in the 80's.  It was painful to see and painful for him to experience.  And the education he got was not good at all.  About the time he hit high school, I discovered that hs'ing was legal (1988).  So I decided to hs our 5 younger dc in hopes that they would avoid all the things my oldest experienced in ps, and in hopes that I could actually give them a solid education.  

So, academics was the initial reason but as we hs'ed more reasons appeared.

- physical development - My kids were big and loud and very physical.  I wanted for them to be able to just be what they were without teachers or neighbors or anyone else trying to suppress that.  So we found houses with privacy and land where they could yell and kick/throw balls as far as they wanted and dig in the dirt and explore and, really, just be kids - without anyone criticizing that.  It was important to me that they be able to spend many hours outside every day.

- academics - Having watched my oldest suffer through the ps system, I wanted to let the other 5 do things like learn to read at their own paces, etc.  So, I ignored the traditional timelines for schooling kids and let them go at their own paces.  I still taught them, but I learned how to challenge them without exasperating them.  It can be a fine line and it took being very aware of my own kid's personalities.  Not that I always got it right, of course.  And some of them might be quick to say that.  😉

- chores and life skills - I had seen how my oldest had avoided chores by procrastinating and making a dash for the bus or saying it was bedtime or whatever.  I knew I had to do something different with the others.  So, I slowly developed a method that worked with my particular kids. And they all appreciated that when they got out on their own.  

- spiritual and emotional - This took a boatload of plain old TIME with each kid.  We would walk and talk constantly.  Usually in the afternoons.  Then we also had group times where we studied the Bible (among other things) and discussed, discussed, discussed ... everything under the sun.  The goal was to ground them in our faith (Christian) and help them learn to think analytically and logically.  (We studied a lot of logic, too.)

And that's all I can remember at the moment.  I lost most of my hs'ing plans a few years ago when my old computer died, and never tried to remember them.