I did not anticipate the insanity of school driving

[Katy]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I took the break & put my kids in school. These days I always get less done than I thought I would.  Then I filled in my new daily planner (starting in January) for the next 3 months. I would never have guessed that I average more than 8 hours a day in the car taking kids to different schools and picking them up again. And we’re not doing a bunch of activities this year. Taking the kids to & from schools takes more time than homeschooling ever did. 
 

Not to mention how insane winter driving is. Apparently our new town is the opposite of our old in terms of pre-treating roads and plowing snow. Coupled with the superintendent’s refusal to ever cancel or delay schools it made for an interesting morning. Especially when an over-excited (and possibly autistic) 4 year old threw herself down on the road to play in the snow while a parent with questionable judgment drove the wrong way in the one-way drop off line. I managed to not have a full blown panic attack, but I nearly burst into tears. And then ate half a dozen oreos. Sigh. 

[Kanin]

8 hours a day? Yikes!

[mommyoffive]

More than 8 hours? How many kids do you have?  How many different schools?  How far away are the schools?  That is horrible, says a mom who commutes really far for ECs for my kids because there is nothing like it locally.  

Are there no buses?

Edited December 15, 2022 by mommyoffive

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

We’re at an hour and a half a day commuting back and forth to school and I thought that was bad.

You have all my sympathy for eight hours. 😭

[regentrude]

That is insane.

[Ottakee]

Is the bus an option?

[Kassia]

That is SO much time driving!  And wintry roads just make it a million times worse.  I'd be crying and eating Oreos, too.

[73349]

That is a lot.

If DS had won the charter lottery, I would be driving 3 hours a day to get him to and from school... just one kid.

I hope you have minimal snow (whatever "minimal" looks like there) the rest of the winter.

[ScoutTN]

I am so sorry. What a nightmare. And this is a break for you?! 

[prairiewindmomma]

I am sorry. We have full bus service here. 

[Katy]

Larger family, multiple schools. And it’s one of those districts that breaks up the grades a lot. A lower middle school for 6-7, an upper middle for 8-9, etc.. But the biggest time commitment is for the littlest two, because their schools are still on covid security protocols so I can’t bring them into the buildings for PK & K (separate buildings). I have to take them to specific side doors & wait for the teachers to unlock them. And that requires getting there really early if you want to park within a quarter mile.  

And because my 5 year old is visually impaired I can’t do the drop off line, I have to wait for a door to be unlocked & take him into a specific door so a staff member can take him where he needs to go. It’s not a long distance and half the car time is parked & waiting. But no, there’s not a way to shorten it unless I want to risk parking a quarter mile away.

At one school I’ve needed to use a nearby grocery store parking lot (maybe 1/8th of a mile?) and another I needed to park 1/4 mile away at a park. Both require you to get there at least 20 minutes early or not get a spot in the lot at all. And when the little kids are finally buckled it frequently takes 10+ minutes to get out of each parking lot. Next year because of ages there will be less schools to deal with, and no preschool.

I think all but one of the schools are less than two miles from our house, but there are major roads without adequate crosswalks in between our neighborhood & the schools. Ok in good weather but not in ice or snow. They are building a new elementary that will be maybe 10 blocks but it isn’t supposed to open for a few more years. 

[Corraleno]

That is literally a full-time job!

[teachermom2834]

Wow, I have my only child left at  home in a school 35 minutes from home. So I do that round trip 3-4 days a week. The other day or two dh takes her and works down close to her school (his office is there but he technically is WFH since covid). 

It's alot but doable because as I said, one kid. And I don't work. And I have dh as backup. I still have days that I think I am crazy and I feel like I am constantly explaining and defending myself to people. And we are planning to move closer this summre (not the only reason but the reason sooner rather than later). 

What you are doing is way harder than what I am. It's really alot. Really really really. 

[PaxEtLux]

Carpool?

[prairiewindmomma]

In the future, can you get door to door transport via IEP or arrive five minutes after school lets out?

When we lived in a different state, if I wanted to be early in line for pickup, I had to wait 45 min in line before school was released. If I arrived after school let out, I could be in a much shorter lane as most of the traffic had cleared out. My kid still was getting picked up within 10-15 minutes of let out, but my wait time was minimal. You might play around with the timing a bit and see if it becomes more reasonable. 

[Harriet Vane]

When ds was in high school, I averaged 4-5 hours many days. It was the fatal combination of the school itself plus sports and activities. The shortest it ever was in a day was 3 hours. When we had our foster daughter, it got reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally complicated. And lengthy. It's rough--so sorry.

[Shelydon]

I have a friend with a child in elementary. Another in middle in the last is a freshman in high school. She leaves the house at 7:00 a.m. to drop them all off and isn't finished until 9:00. It's crazy. Pick up is the same thing in reverse, and usually takes a bit longer. 

[Lecka]

My guaranteed autistic son used to take off his boots in the snow, rub his face in the snow, etc. It is known sensory-seeking behavior.

 

My son doesn’t do stuff like this anymore, but still, it’s probably legitimately problematic.  I’m in favor of however you make the best of it, I’m sorry it’s the case right now!  

[SKL]

Curious how it adds up to 8 hours a day.  Is that largely sitting in drop-off / pick-up lines?

Could you change your drop-off or pick-up location to someplace a bit away from the school, so you would have shorter wait times and/or more flexibility to consolidate driving trips?

Edited December 15, 2022 by SKL

[Ausmumof3]

That’s crazy! I feel exhausted on the days I have three and a half or four hours driving, and most of that is rural so not in traffic.

[Terabith]

How do people drive 8 hours a day for school drop offs and pick ups and work?  

That is absolutely insane.  I would seriously be demanding a new system.  

[Katy]

8 minutes ago, Terabith said:

How do people drive 8 hours a day for school drop offs and pick ups and work?  

That is absolutely insane.  I would seriously be demanding a new system.  

I’m guessing most people use daycare for younger kids or only have two and they go to the same school. OTOH, the lady who lives across the street has 4 and she’s in her car all day, starting at about 5:45 am, because her kids are in a bunch of sports & activities. The start times and practices are all staggered by at least half an hour so it’s possible. But yeah, it’s tough.

Many of the other parents I talk to at elementary pickup work full time but take a break to walk their kids under 10 to & from school each day. It’s faster to walk than drive because of the amount of time the parking lot takes. But I can’t do that yet because preschool & elementary pickup are too close together. Plus days like today it would’ve been dangerous. But next year most days I probably will. 

[katilac]

Simply observing school pick-up lines was intense motivation to homeschool, lol. 

[teachermom2834]

19 minutes ago, katilac said:

Simply observing school pick-up lines was intense motivation to homeschool, lol. 

I said this for years. I once picked a friend’s kids up for her as a favor and wow that was an ordeal. There were very specific instructions about exactly what minute to arrive, what lane to get in, etc. my friend wasn’t being controlling, she was trying to help me have the best school line experience.

Now that my dd is in high school I drop her off really early because she likes to do homework in the library before school and it makes my drive easier traffic wise. I always pick up about 20 minutes after dismissal to miss the line but at the high school level, at least at my dd’s school, the line sitting is secondary to not wanting to share the parking lot with teen drivers bolting out of school. I definitely seek to give the teens wide clearance in the school parking lot. 
 

 

Edited December 18, 2022 by teachermom2834

[Starr]

I’m out of the loop. I easily drove my children to school for a couple of years and then home schooled. Do school districts still provide bussing as an option?

[vonfirmath]

17 minutes ago, Starr said:

I’m out of the loop. I easily drove my children to school for a couple of years and then home schooled. Do school districts still provide bussing as an option?

Yes. Both of my kids are bussed. But I do know the districts are struggling to get enough bus drivers.

 

[LucyStoner]

There was a time in my life where I definitely felt more like a Stay in Car Mom than a SAHM.  I went slightly crazy and I gained a lot of weight that year.  

Will the district provide door to door transportation for your special needs kids?  SpEd accommodations have to extend to appropriate transportation.  

[Katy]

11 hours ago, Starr said:

I’m out of the loop. I easily drove my children to school for a couple of years and then home schooled. Do school districts still provide bussing as an option?

Our district is struggling to get enough bus drivers. My youngest two should qualify for bussing because of special needs but there’s no space available. 

[Drama Llama]

6 minutes ago, Katy said:

Our district is struggling to get enough bus drivers. My youngest two should qualify for bussing because of special needs but there’s no space available. 

I feel as though, if your kids would qualify for bussing in their IEP, and aren't getting it because of a shortage, the school district would be willing to work with you on another accommodation, such as a parking spot set aside on campus so you don't have to walk from 1/8 to 1/4 mile away.  

[Katy]

10 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

There was a time in my life where I definitely felt more like a Stay in Car Mom than a SAHM.  I went slightly crazy and I gained a lot of weight that year.  

Will the district provide door to door transportation for your special needs kids?  SpEd accommodations have to extend to appropriate transportation.  

I would think so, but so far no, the busses are “full.” I’m really happy with their IEP’s and the teachers in general. If I’m going to be a PITA it will probably be about something else, not this. 

[Drama Llama]

Do you have a hang tag for accessible parking?  

[Katy]

Just now, BandH said:

Do you have a hang tag for accessible parking?  

No, we don’t. 

[Lecka]

Is this a safety issue?  Could it be a safety issue?  
 

If yes — I think it would be worth mentioning.  
 

I think it’s one thing where kids shouldn’t wait at bus stops alone, and another thing when the drop-off might not be safe.  
 

Another option is to ask if someone could meet you at drop-off.  
 

If someone is already meeting you at drop-off and it’s borderline safe, they might have an easier time with the bus.

 

Where my kids have gone, some schools have a separate bus drop-off and entrance for some special needs. 
 

Especially if you have little kids and you are new — it might turn out you are just the people they would like to have something for entering the school.  
 

I agree about not making a fuss — but there is a huge distance between asking about it or bringing it up or saying “I want to let you know something that happened in the drop-off line” ——— and making a fuss.  There is a lot you could say without getting anywhere near making a fuss or being difficult or having too many issues.  

[wendyroo]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

Our district is struggling to get enough bus drivers. My youngest two should qualify for bussing because of special needs but there’s no space available. 

My son in public school qualifies for special needs bussing, but they don't current have a driver, so are only able to get him there 90 minutes after school starts and pick him up 45 minutes after school ends. Plus, they have so few special needs buses that his commute time on the bus is over an hour each way even though the school is less than 2 miles from our home.

I have been driving him to and from school since the start of the year. Thankfully, it only takes me about 15 minutes round trip each morning and afternoon.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

13 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

My son in public school qualifies for special needs bussing, but they don't current have a driver, so are only able to get him there 90 minutes after school starts and pick him up 45 minutes after school ends. Plus, they have so few special needs buses that his commute time on the bus is over an hour each way even though the school is less than 2 miles from our home.

I have been driving him to and from school since the start of the year. Thankfully, it only takes me about 15 minutes round trip each morning and afternoon.

DD goes to a private school and while our school district would provide bussing, it was going to be the same way, Just flipped. They’d get her there about 45 minutes early(and she’d have to wait outside for some of that as the doors aren’t open) and then pick her up 60 minutes after school was done.  They don’t have even close to enough bus drivers.

I just drive her, it’s about a 45 minute round trip but it’s better than navigating the bus and leaving my 10 year old alone outdoors.

[Lecka]

I have kind-of had it go both ways.  
 

I have driven (declining bus service) because the bus would add so much extra time, and I was taking siblings anyways.

 

I have also had my son on a bus for longer times — he likes riding the bus in general.  He has had a 1-hour bus ride he honestly enjoyed and that didn’t disrupt his schedule.  This has been for summer programs, which does make a difference I think.  

 

I hate how the special needs buses can take so long they become basically impossible for many parents to use because not everybody does do well with long bus rides.  

[Drama Llama]

2 hours ago, Katy said:

No, we don’t. 

If you got one, would that help with the parking?  I wonder if you could park on campus with one.  

I think that if his disability makes the typical plan for drop off not an option, then his IEP needs to include a solution.  I understand why the bus isn't the solution, but then the IEP team needs to problem solve.  

I think you can do this gently, politely, with a tone of "would you partner with me in problem solving?" and not "you owe me!" 

[Lecka]

If it’s more that way — can someone meet you at pick-up?  I often read into things but it sounded scary when one of your kids was wanting to stop in the road.  
 

It could be that it didn’t come up with not knowing it was needed, but would be an easy fix.  And if not — I don’t think it hurts to ask.  Or even just say “hey this happened” and see if they have an idea.

 

Schools are notorious for not having communication between staff at special times of day, and everybody else, so that there are issues that build that aren’t communicated to other staff.  It was hard to believe this for me but I have really seen it be the case.  
 

Right now I am helping (through volunteer work) with school pick-up for a pre-K boy who is sometimes  hitting his siblings while they wait to be picked up, but is not hitting anyone during full-day pre-K.  I doubt the pre-K teacher would be told because — I think they mention it to whoever picks up and are done.  Then — for me with IEP meetings — it can be a black hole with having no information from certain times of day unless there is a point to find out ahead of time.  
 

Because its like — a lot of stuff just doesn’t get communicated.

 

And this is also with programs and schools I’m very happy with, and think people are very on top of things.  

[Lecka]

I would talk about it being a safety concern.  If it is a safety concern.

If it’s stressful for the child at the start or the day — that is also something that could he brought up.  They might be able to be dropped off early or late to avoid a rush — this is something that has been an option.  
 

If it just seems not fair to the staff at drop-off I think that is also something you could bring up.  Some things like that I think can be better brought up by parents.  
 

Edit:  I totally get it if nothing like this seems appropriate.  It doesn’t have to be a problem to solve if it is more of a vent and it’s okay to vent and not take on a project.  
 

 

Edited December 18, 2022 by Lecka

[Katy]

Annoying to me isn’t the same as a safety concern. 

[Drama Llama]

6 minutes ago, Katy said:

Annoying to me isn’t the same as a safety concern. 

It sounds like there's a safety concern with dropping your 5 year old off the same way that his non-disabled peers are dropped off, and that the way you've problem solved it is what's making it take so much time.  Of course you're dropping off in a safe way.  You wouldn't put him at risk.  But the school has a responsibility to work with you to make his drop off safe and efficient.  

[Lecka]

It’s really hard to tell on the Internet, I was picturing my own drop-offs.  
 

Edit:  I think this is something that is hard with the Internet.  
 

 

Edited December 18, 2022 by Lecka

[Katy]

37 minutes ago, BandH said:

It sounds like there's a safety concern with dropping your 5 year old off the same way that his non-disabled peers are dropped off, and that the way you've problem solved it is what's making it take so much time.  Of course you're dropping off in a safe way.  You wouldn't put him at risk.  But the school has a responsibility to work with you to make his drop off safe and efficient.  

I don’t think so. He’s vision impaired and I take him to the door, but plenty of k & 1st graders get walked to the door instead of left in the dropoff line. Mostly because they aren’t good at buckling & unbuckling themselves or safely going from the line of cars into the school. It’s the navigation inside the school that’s a bit different. The goal is for him to navigate himself but he needs to be able to reliably do so even when stressed. His vision fluctuates. Some days he leads the way & others he needs to hold a hand. Some days a child who knows him offers a hand instead. He frequently meets me just outside the door in the afternoons arm & arm with a friend. 

[Drama Llama]

3 hours ago, Katy said:

I don’t think so. He’s vision impaired and I take him to the door, but plenty of k & 1st graders get walked to the door instead of left in the dropoff line. Mostly because they aren’t good at buckling & unbuckling themselves or safely going from the line of cars into the school. It’s the navigation inside the school that’s a bit different. The goal is for him to navigate himself but he needs to be able to reliably do so even when stressed. His vision fluctuates. Some days he leads the way & others he needs to hold a hand. Some days a child who knows him offers a hand instead. He frequently meets me just outside the door in the afternoons arm & arm with a friend. 

That sounds really sweet!  Vision that comes and goes like that is hard for schools to wrap their mind around.  It's good that he has you to advocate for him.