Who do you stuff stockings for? (spin-off from the wrapped stocking stuffers thread)

[Tenaj]

So, in my imagination, when my kids got older and left our house, I would no longer stuff stockings for them because that tradition would migrate to their own houses.  Neatly, as one by one they left, my stockings would decrease until eventually it would just be mine and dh's hanging nicely on the mantle.

In reality, my kids, my grown kids and their spouses and their sweet children, all still want me to stuff stockings for them to open on Christmas morning, early, before the official Christmas gift opening process begins.  So this year, I am stuffing 20 stockings from age 86 (cause I can't leave grandma and grandpa out) down to age 5 mos. 

I have declared various rules over the years - for instance, if you are going to be at my house on Christmas morning, I will do a stocking for you but then that leaves the same people out year after year.  I have declared that once you have your own house, you no longer get a stocking but then what about my two kids who live alone (one with a toddler, one by themselves)?  They need stockings.  One year I declared that once you are 21 you no longer get a stocking at my house but last year I still had a 21 year old living here and it seemed awkward to leave him out.

So my stockings just keep multiplying with spouses and grandkids and I'm stuffing and stuffing and stuffing - lol!  What are your "rules" around this tradition in your family.

[Kassia]

I do stockings for my four adult (age 20-31) kids, two girlfriends, DH, MIL, and myself.  All are wrapped but I stopped wrapping my own this year for the first time.  I need to stop wrapping all of them - it's so time consuming to wrap so many little inexpensive items. (we don't do expensive stocking stuffers).

Edited December 14, 2022 by Kassia

[Dmmetler]

I do a stocking for anyone in our house on Christmas, but basically just put any gifts that fit in it, in it. I don’t do separate stocking stuffers. There have been years that someone’s main gift (like a teen’s cell phone) would be in the stocking. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by Dmmetler

[HomeAgain]

Oh, goodness.

I only do us.  Even then, the tradition is shifting.  I overheard ds23 talking to his gf about getting stuff for dh's and my stockings, so I guess I no longer will be stuffing them all.

I figure when oldest ds moves out I'll move to knitting a new pair of wool slippers for him each year and throwing a few treats in them.  That way he has his stocking at his home and a cute little gift here.  It also means if he moves further away I can send them and have a tradition that way - without bogging him down with stockings.  Same thing with youngest ds.

I imagine it'll be similar on Easter.  We already do a communal basket for dh and I, so each will just get a section of the big basket and a chocolate bunny when they grow.

[Jaybee]

We do stockings for whoever is here or visiting at the time. I don't always mail stocking stuffers to those who celebrate elsewhere, though. However, I am not the only one who puts things in the stockings. In fact, there is usually too much for the stockings and we don't want to stress the holders, so when they are stuffed, we put them around the table and there is often a little pile of things around each stocking. These are not usually anything expensive, though gift cards go in there. Homemade puppy chow, hot chocolate mix, a pair of socks (which might be expensive for our runners), and so on. Nobody is obligated to do stocking stuffers, but as my kids have grown up, they have just joined in the stocking fun. In my FOO, we eventually moved toward stockings as the only gifts, then we gradually dropped that too.

[athena1277]

My oldest is in college, so I still do stockings for all my kids.  However, in the last 3 years both my dad and dh’s dad have passed away.  Most years my mom has been here on Christmas Eve/Day, so I did a stocking for her.  Mil is usually with one of her other children, so I sent a few little things to help fill her stocking.  I have bought both of them an extra gift or 2 since they don’t have a spouse to buy them anything.

[Loowit]

I do stockings for my kids and DH.  DH does a stocking for me.  I always imagined I would continue that until the kids moved out, but I figured it would be more like when myself and my siblings did and there would be a spouse to take over stocking duties (if they decided to continue) because we all moved out as we got married, but I don't think that will be the case.  I think I will continue to do stockings for my kids each year when they are home.  However, if DS who is military is not able to make it home some years I will make sure to arrange for him to get a stocking of some sort with stocking stuffers.

I can't imagine doing stockings for anyone beyond my kids and spouse though.  MIL never did one for me and my mom never did one for DH when we were dating and visited for Christmas celebrations, but I suppose we also never stayed the night in each others homes just did day visits so that makes a difference.  My current thoughts are that if my kids get married it will be up to them to do their own thing and form their own traditions.  My first Christmas after I got married we stayed at my parents house, but my DH was the one who filled my stocking not my mom.  But of course all of this is just thoughts, it might change when reality hits and we rethink things.

My parents never did stockings for each other.  In my growing up world stockings were only for children, but DH and I enjoyed doing stockings for each other so we have done that since we got married and I expect to continue doing it even after kids move out.  We even do a stocking for our dog.

[skimomma]

Anyone in my house on Christmas morning gets a stocking regardless of age or relationship.  Anyone out of the house does not.  I do have to remind dh to put something (anything) in my stocking after a very awkward year in which mine was the only empty sock.  He, dd, or both had managed to do something each year before that and I don't know if they forgot to make a plan or what.  I was not hurt so much as embarrassed and had to kind of sneak the stocking out of sight so as to not call attention to the situation.  I am always the first person up so now I keep a handful of pre-wrapped items that could be for anyone that I can toss in my stocking in case it happens again.  So far it has not although most years the items in my stocking are very clearly from the open-on-Christmas-Eve grocery store.  Lol!  Dh is not a planner......

[fairfarmhand]

My family of origin didn't do stockings, heck we were so poor we barely got gifts. But my MIL loved stockings. She loved the whole hubbub of Christmas with all the things, and seemed to want Christmas with her  to be similar to Christmas when her own kids were small. At the end, she was stuffing like 20 stockings for kids and grandkids. And it was a lot. 

I think stockings are ok and have done them with my kids here at home. However, once someone moves out and establishes their own families, I'm not doing a stocking for them. So my 20 yo gets a stocking, but my 25 yo married with a baby does not. I'm just not as into them and all the Christmas trappings as I was when my kids were little and I think it's neat that my kids will make their own memories in their own houses that are special to them. I don't have to try to top or compete with that or even do similar stuff. 

Can your family members swap names to fill one another's stockings? Because Christmas should work for everyone, and if you're over it, you should be able to say, No more. We need to find a different way.

There's an advice podcast I listen to and his quote is "choose guilt over resentment" which means that sometimes we disappoint people rather than constantly giving in because that dynamic over time can lead to resentment. I'm not implying you resent it now, but eventually, if you have people insisting on the holidays looking a certain way and you always give in, you will get resentful. 

[Tanaqui]

We didn't do stockings as children, and I never really wanted to do them with the kids, so the answer is "nobody, and that's the way I like it".

I think from your post it sounds like you don't really mind the tradition that you started and keep on doing, but if you do, it's okay to put your foot completely down and say "Listen, I cannot do all the stockings. I will only do XYZ stockings, and you all have to figure out a system for handling everybody else's stockings." - like, maybe secret santa it or something?

[JustEm]

What an interesting thought. I'm not near the phase where my kids are out of the house or partnered so I have no idea what that'll look like.

Currently, dh and I stuff the stockings for the kids. I stuff his. He stuffs mine. And my parents who live with us don't get stockings. 

[purpleowl]

The kids are the only ones who get stockings here, and they just have candy. I figure once they have graduated high school, we will stop doing the stockings. It's not like we keep them from Christmas candy throughout the season anyway. 😄 

[Soror]

All of mine are still at home. I plan to do stockings for them as long as they live here. 

My mil does stockings and gifts for grandkids. My mom just does gifts. Mil tends to do extra for everything (and then complain it's too much). I'll not be even attempting to match what mil does. I lean towards my mom's simpler style of holidays.

Edited December 14, 2022 by Soror

[rebcoola]

I do Stockings for anyone who will be at my house Christmas morning.  Though I don't try and stuff it full just like some candy or something.  So far it's just been college age cousins who couldn't make it all the way home.

[Boymama5]

Well my kids are all still living here, so then and DH. We do stockings on St nicks day instead of Christmas so I imagine that will determine who gets one as they age since it’s not when we’d typically gather.  My thoughts are they’d get them on December 6th as long as they live here or in college (and I’d send a package). But that’s still a few years away to be determined. 
I think if we had families here for Christmas I’d more be in the hook for Christmas pjs since that’s the Christmas Eve gift we always do. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by Boymama5

[SKL]

Our family tradition has been to only stuff stockings for kids living in the house, or who haven't established their own households.

If I had my kid's boyfriend over for Christmas, we'd probably include a stocking for him too, but probably only as long as my kid was my dependent.

That said, we'd still give Christmas presents to any other kids or young adults present in our house at Christmas.  We just wouldn't put them in stockings.

Edited December 14, 2022 by SKL

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Jaybee said:

We do stockings for whoever is here or visiting at the time.
I don't always mail stocking stuffers to those who celebrate elsewhere, though.
However, I am not the only one who puts things in the stockings.
These are not usually anything expensive, though gift cards go in there. Homemade puppy chow, hot chocolate mix, a pair of socks (which might be expensive for our runners), and so on.
Nobody is obligated to do stocking stuffers, but as my kids have grown up, they have just joined in the stocking fun. 

All of this applies to the larger family's stockings for us as well. DH's family is very consistent about stockings, but we also have the only grandkids, so his siblings, I think, really enjoy still having stockings. We didn't want MIL or anyone else to be obligated to fill all of them every year, so we started pitching in and others do as well. They tend to not be super pricey items, but it can add up for one person.

I have a tradition that started by accident but is now a yearly fun challenge--I buy something practical that anyone could use and buy one for each person or each family (depending on price). Sometimes I get some odd looks, but then I hear later that the item has been used a lot and much appreciated. Other times, I am not sure how things will go over, but they end up being immediate hits. It's become one of my favorite things to do each year. My mom gets particularly excited to see what will show up each year, lol! Another family tends to find fun candy on their vacation or a day trip each year--something local from where they went. We've had some really interesting and tasty things from them!

I do stockings for DH and the kids, and I usually get *something* in mine. I made it clear that they need to find stuff this year, lol! It doesn't have to be full, but it can't be empty. For our household, ours aren't usually expensive either, and they often have food, but I try to find something useful and/or fun also--last year DH got seeds for mini cantaloupes that will grow easily in our zone. 

On my side of the family, stockings are totally an "If you want to participate" thing. Sometimes it's just one or two things in the stocking, and that's fine with everyone. When I was a teenager, we had a number of relatives who didn't have kids. We would trade names, and everyone bought their person a main gift, and then they bought everyone else $5 of stuff for a stocking. That was fun too!

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

Can your family members swap names to fill one another's stockings? Because Christmas should work for everyone, and if you're over it, you should be able to say, No more. We need to find a different way.

I agree! I really liked the swapping names idea when Farrar mentioned it. I am keeping that in my back pocket for the future if we change things up.

[alisoncooks]

I just have stockings for me, my DH, two kids, and the cat (who gets snacks and treats).

My mom has stockings for me and my brother…our spouses….and our kids. That’s 12 stockings (up from the original, nuclear family 4). 

IDK what I’ll do. If it isn’t a hardship, I like the “more is merrier” approach. 

[sweet2ndchance]

Goodness, I didn't realize I was in the minority for only doing stockings for minor children. That's how my family did it. That's how dh's family does it. Heck that's even how ex's family did it. Since I only have one minor child left at home, I thought about letting him stuff stockings for his two dogs this year but I was afraid it might be weird. I guess I'm in the minority on that one too lol!

[ScoutTN]

Just for my kids. Dh and I don’t do them for each other. Originally due to a tight budget, then it just never changed. I do miss it, but not sure there’s a way back now. Dh is not much of a gift giver and would find it a chore. 

[theelfqueen]

I have DH, my younger two kids (17 and 21) and a few years ago I started to do stocking for my parents as the majority of their Christmas gift. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by theelfqueen

[Jaybee]

Not everybody participates every year with the stockings. One thing I tend to repeat is our favorite pens. I buy a couple of boxes and put 2-3 in everybody's stocking. I also buy about the same for mine as I do everybody else's. I got tired of mine looking all skinny. Now, though, I do get more stuffed in mine than I used to. It's just a fun thing we do. We open stockings while the monkey bread is baking. Then we open gifts after breakfast.

[mommyoffive]

all my kids are at home so I haven't figured out what we will do in the future. Cross the bridge when we get there.

Stocking are not really important in our house.  My mom wanted to hand make stockings for my kids like she did for me.  But she gave up after the second kid although promising ones for the next kids. So I waited and didn't do stockings for years.  I can't even remember if we used the ones for the first 2 kids for real.  Kids were young and not really into opening more than a few gifts.  So for years we didn't have stockings.  Than last year or the year before I ordered ones for all the kids.  So we maybe have really done stockings for a year or two.  Dh and I did or do have stockings, but we have never ever gotten anything in them.  I am just not a present person, meaning I don't want any.  I just want to spend that money on an experience not stuff.

[Farrar]

I posted this in the other thread, but once I got to be college age, my mother suggested we start swapping names for stockings. We used to do it like secret santa with a name draw and who had your stocking was revealed on Christmas morning, but now we just all decide it at the end of November because there's not that many of us. At some point in their early teen years, the kids wanted in on this because they wanted to be "grown up" so they participate too. So when they were little, I did theirs, but now they just participate in the swap.

I really like it this way. I like getting a fun stuffed stocking. I like that the sort of stuff is different every year. I like that someone has time to really put a bit of care into it. I like that I get to put a bit of care into one person's stocking. In my view, it's perfect.

This year I'm doing dh's stocking. So that's easy.