More School Drama

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

This is sort of a JAWM.  I’ve had an extremely difficult and emotional work week with more bad things happening to people in my care, especially kids, than has ever happened in one week in my entire career. I need advice but please be gentle with it.

(please do not quote)

I have to be intentionally vague with these details due to privacy. Essentially while at work(I am a paramedic) I was in a situation where the superintendent of the school district my children attend had a disagreement with a parent, and in my professional capacity I sided with the parent because they and only they had the legal right to make this decision.

Guys, this man became unhinged. Screaming, cursing at me, telling me that he demanded I do what he wanted,  that parents have zero rights when their children are on school property and the school has all the rights, just absolutely insane.  I calmly told him he could either talk to me as a professional or not talk to me, those were his choices, but I don’t discuss things with people who are yelling and screaming. I don’t interact with fools.

The situation resolved in the parents favor.  The superintendent threw a whole temper tantrum directed at me until the police were called and intervened. (Because another thing happened while there I have charges I can press—sorry for the vagueness—now and the police have told me point blank that no one has followed through with pressing charges against this man because he intimidates them and they have children in the district).

It’s only my youngest child in this district and I want him out. We’ve had problem after problem and DH thinks I’m just overreacting because I’ve had such a horrible week.  But I feel like any district run by someone who’s clearly unhinged mentally and has a history of this behavior is not someplace I want my special needs seven year old.  

[brehon]

Not that you need my agreement, though you have it, but get your child out of that school & district. Ugh! I loathe people on power trips, especially when they deal with children.

I’d press those charges, too. F- him! I don’t know about your area, but in my area if someone assaults a paramedic, it’s just like assaulting a cop. (My area technically doesn’t have battery.) Shit rains down hard on that person.

And, finally, I’m so sorry about your week. There’s just nothing worse than bad calls with kids. I wish I could help you with more than empathy and sympathy. 

[Farrar]

Your community just sounds infuriating in so many levels.

Would pressing charges help you get your kid out as well or is your kid unlikely to be able to get out? I think that's part of what I'd be asking. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[Murphy101]

Pull your kid. Absolutely.

And also maybe suggest having an anonymous tip dropped at the local news agencies to see if you can get anyone to report this crazy wackadoodle to spare other families. Or call that lawyer again and ask what can be done about this. 

[Innisfree]

Do you have another place to send your kid?

If you can, I would press charges. No one like that should be in charge of schools.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

39 minutes ago, brehon said:

Not that you need my agreement, though you have it, but get your child out of that school & district. Ugh! I loathe people on power trips, especially when they deal with children.

I’d press those charges, too. F- him! I don’t know about your area, but in my area if someone assaults a paramedic, it’s just like assaulting a cop. (My area technically doesn’t have battery.) Shit rains down hard on that person.

And, finally, I’m so sorry about your week. There’s just nothing worse than bad calls with kids. I wish I could help you with more than empathy and sympathy. 

It’s obstructing a government official/public servant and probably a misdemeanor assault charge. I am pursuing it to make a point even if it doesn’t go anywhere.

It’s not a joke, but I’ve literally had every pediatric call the company has had for two weeks and they’ve all been terrible; it’s almost funny in a horrid way. The dispatcher actually apologized when she sent me to the school yesterday because it was another pediatric call. Fortunately the child was fine.

I feel like rot starts at the top, and if he acts this way towards uniformed paramedics and police officers, he probably treats his staff worse, and that filters down to the kids.  Maybe I’m wrong.  But the school district is fighting me over DS’s IEP, he’s not progressing academically there, and(don’t quote) since starting there he’s had a couple of statements of suicidal ideation(we are pursuing counseling but the counselor said he isn’t depressed, just having huge emotions he can’t verbalize).

I was annoyed to start with because his teacher at the open house was patting herself on the back because he’s jumped three reading levels since the end of school.  I’m pretty sure that’s the All About Reading we did over the summer and not the month he’s been in school. It just annoyed me, probably wrongly.

There are no private school options we can afford for his grade. The Montessori school is half of my take home income and we will not qualify for help.  Homeschooling would be the way we’d have to go, which isn’t terrible, just logistically a little difficult. 

 

[brehon]

9 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

The dispatcher actually apologized when she sent me to the school yesterday because it was another pediatric call.

Oh, that’s bad when dispatch sends a CAD message apologizing in advance for the call. You just know nothing good will happen.

I doubt you’re wrong about how this person treats people. Because you’re absolutely correct, if someone will treat uniformed personnel badly, they’re definitely treating everyone at least as bad if not worse.

I hope you find a decent solution for your son. I would be wary about leaving him in the district after this incident. Someone who would react the way this man did would have no hesitation about retaliating against your son. And he would get away with it, too, unfortunately. 

[Katy]

I’m so sorry about your week.

You must press charges. That guy has no business being around children and even the police think so. Chances are when you press charges others will too. It might take a year or two but he’ll be forced to resign sooner or later. 

IDK what to do about your DS. I’m not sure any child can learn when expressing suicidal thoughts. I’d be cautious about the therapist because I’m under the impression that suicidal ideation is always and automatically severe depression. 

[Lecka]

Deleted….

I saw the previous post.  

It sounds like pulling him is a reasonable option and you have been thinking about it anyway.  That says a lot I think.  

 

 

 

Edited October 1, 2022 by Lecka

[pinball]

I’m sorry you’re going thru this.

I know first responders who’ve been assaulted on the job and then there is the horrific murder of the paramedic this week. No one deserves any of this…from verbal abuse to murder. 
 

Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know know what advice to give off the cuff.

😢

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

11 minutes ago, Katy said:

I’m so sorry about your week.

You must press charges. That guy has no business being around children and even the police think so. Chances are when you press charges others will too. It might take a year or two but he’ll be forced to resign sooner or later. 

IDK what to do about your DS. I’m not sure any child can learn when expressing suicidal thoughts. I’d be cautious about the therapist because I’m under the impression that suicidal ideation is always and automatically severe depression. 

There was a child in his class last year who made SI statements every time he struggled with someone and we believe DS7 is parroting that.  There is no real evidence of depression or even that he truly understands what he’s saying. It’s things like I ask him to do a chore and he replies that he wishes he was dead so he didn’t have to do chores.  I do have a therapist and a home intervention team involved with the family so I don’t miss anything but everyone agrees it’s mostly parroting. But he’s obviously dealing with very big emotions that he’s struggling to verbalize and that’s new since we moved.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

DH just got a copy of the police report. He no longer thinks I’m overreacting.

It’s that ridiculous.

[Katy]

How does the school board keep someone in the job that thinks parents have zero rights at school? The supreme court has ruled against that many times. Doesn’t he go to IEP meetings where parents are given a book about their rights? I’m surprised the district’s  attorney hasn’t forced them to fire him. 

Edited October 2, 2022 by Katy

[Hilltopmom]

Hugs. 
I’m struggling with my school system too right now in a different way and may have to start sending complaints to state Ed. I work there and my kids go there and I’m shocked that admin seems to think it’s ok to ignore sped laws.

Do what you need to do.

 

[BusyMom5]

The police are telling you that they NEED you to press charges.  I'm so sorry.  I don't know what has happened to public education,  but its concerning that this person is in charge of littles lives- he has power over both teachers and students.  Maybe by you pressing charges, other parents who decided not to pursue them will change their minds- thats the only way to get him out of power.  I'm sorry you are in this situation 😔 

Edited October 1, 2022 by BusyMom5

[brehon]

You know, you really are in a unique position. You are a uniformed person in public safety. (Yes, we both know we’re really in healthcare, but most people identify us as on the same level as FD & PD.) So, the deference normally given to people in positions of authority such as superintendents, principals, etc is in tension with with the deference given to people in uniform. Plus it sounds like you’d have PD to back you up. I’m glad you’re pursuing this. 

[Carol in Cal.]

Your child is not safe there.  Get him out.  Full stop.

A petty tyrant can do great harm to a vulnerable person.

Then press charges, if you possibly can, because somebody has to.

I’m not one to go to the law much, but a few years back my husband and I did, mostly because we could, and so many literally can’t.  It was difficult but I still think it was the right thing to do.

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

very big emotions
struggling to verbalize

I hope it's okay to quote these small snippets.

Language therapy might help with this as well. That might sound odd, but it kind of goes along sometimes with pragmatic/social language. Both of my kids have had needed language therapy that got at verbalizing emotions as specifically as they needed and wanted to and/or using language to troubleshoot situations where those feelings arise in them or with others. It's been really beneficial. Sometimes talking to the SLP about how to express these needs has been better than talking to a counselor. 

Praying you will be able to sort out what exactly you need and want to do. I agree that you are in a unique position to come forward, but that doesn't make it easier, and you are already probably tired of being the kind of person who often has to step forward. 

[Sweets]

I've told my story several times about dealing with a special needs child and an unreasonable school official (back in 2002), which led to our homeschooling. In my experience:

1.  If you can afford it, get a lawyer to intercede on your behalf with the school. Consider pressing charges or even suing. 

2.  Definitely, pull your child out and make other arrangements if at all possible.

3.  Get in on record with the school district about this person's behavior. If you get a lawyer, make sure it is sent from the lawyer's office. 

4.  Never, ever, ever deal with this person without an eyewitness on your behalf or a recording (make sure you check the laws in your state about recording conversations). They can just say you are an overreacting, coddling, nervous, emotional, etc mother.

We could not afford a lawyer at the time, but we did get the whole incident on paper and complained to everyone in the school administration. Didn't make much difference really. This school official is still in their job even after 20 years and still causing drama and unhappiness. We ended up homeschooling and never dealt with the public school system again, all because of this one person. And now my special needs child is 25, in grad school, and passionate about education! So glad I didn't leave him in the public schools where we live. I'm sure he would have just been overlooked all 18 years of his education.

[rebcoola]

I'm so sorry and I definitely agree get your kid out and press the charges.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

1 hour ago, Sweets said:

I've told my story several times about dealing with a special needs child and an unreasonable school official (back in 2002), which led to our homeschooling. In my experience:

1.  If you can afford it, get a lawyer to intercede on your behalf with the school. Consider pressing charges or even suing. 

2.  Definitely, pull your child out and make other arrangements if at all possible.

3.  Get in on record with the school district about this person's behavior. If you get a lawyer, make sure it is sent from the lawyer's office. 

4.  Never, ever, ever deal with this person without an eyewitness on your behalf or a recording (make sure you check the laws in your state about recording conversations). They can just say you are an overreacting, coddling, nervous, emotional, etc mother.

We could not afford a lawyer at the time, but we did get the whole incident on paper and complained to everyone in the school administration. Didn't make much difference really. This school official is still in their job even after 20 years and still causing drama and unhappiness. We ended up homeschooling and never dealt with the public school system again, all because of this one person. And now my special needs child is 25, in grad school, and passionate about education! So glad I didn't leave him in the public schools where we live. I'm sure he would have just been overlooked all 18 years of his education.

Fortunately the incident wasn’t involving my own child and right now the superintendent probably doesn’t even realize I have a child in the district.

I feel that if this is the head of the whole district, s&it rolls downhill and the whole situation is probably toxic.  Maybe not the individual teachers—who have been good since we moved here—but clearly the administration is messed up.  The principal was just as unhinged(it wasn’t at my child’s school so she isn’t my child’s principal, but is likely to be next year if he stays in PS).

I’m working on rearranging my schedule and figuring out curriculum. 

[Eos]

Hugs to you, and strength for the future.  You're doing everything right.  I wish you were a responder in my community.

[Annie G]

I’m so sorry. What a crap situation. Agreeing w the others that the police are hoping you’ll press charges. The guy won’t stop until someone forces him to. 
Perhaps your son’s teacher will be thrilled you’re pressing charges-bet the staff has all kinds of stories about how they’re treated. 
What a crummy cherry on top of a bad week. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Huge hugs

 

[Faith-manor]

Many many many many hugs!!! 💓💓💓

Remove your child if you can is my advice and please do press charges because I am seriously tired of raging, power tripping, evil morons getting away with shit.

Around here it is actually WORSE to assault or obstruct a paramedic than a cop. Like the kind of worse where everyone jumps in to pummel your ass because how dare you stop a medic from doing their job. Same for firefighters. You.just.don't, and cops have ZERO patience for it. How can I put it. Hmmm...this superintendent would literally begin having the kind of day that criminals on cop shows have. Face planted on the ground, cuffed, mirandized, and shoved into the back of a cruiser.  Just do not mess with EMS. And then they would be fired for doing that crap and setting that kind of example for the students. His world would BURN!

So I hope this trashy man's life is on fire for a while. He needs to learn a lesson the hard way. 

Hang in there, Tiggy!!

[chiguirre]

This guy tried to override a parent's medical decision. That's insane! I can see a disagreement about an IEP or a disciplinary issue, but a medical emergency is just bizarre.

Then he went on to mess with a uniformed EMS. That's utterly nuts. 

I think you have to press charges. This dude is not safe to be in a position of authority. 

I'm sorry you're going to have to go back to juggling your schedule to accommodate homeschooling, but I don't think you have a choice.

[lmrich]

Hugs and more hugs! I am so sorry that you are dealing with this; it is not ok. 

I would pull my kid out; you know the Hive can help you put together a great year for him with interesting curriculum and enganging online classes. 

then  PRESS CHARGES! 

Start preparing yourself for the stress ahead; go to bed earlier, drink more water, prioritize walks outside - take care of yourself❤️ 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

DH: Well, what about socialization? 
me: What about it?
DH: He needs to be socialized. That’s hard for homeschoolers.

this, coming from the homeschool graduate who did so many things that his sister maintains he was never home(mostly he did travel sports on scholarships that he wouldn’t have been able to do if he was in brick and mortar school) from 3-12th grades, along with youth group, homeschool group, apprenticeships, and far more social activities than I had as the oldest child of a large family.

What about socialization my a$$.

(Roll eye emoji)

update; I texted this to my MIL who called him up and informed him that worrying about socialization is so 1990s and she and loads of other homeschool pioneers didn’t fight for rights and co-ops and hyrbrid schools and homeschool gymnastics classes so he could worry about socialization in 2022. LOL. My MiL is fantastic.

[KungFuPanda]

If you don’t press charges, how will you feel the NEXT time you respond to a worse situation involving this same man?

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

11 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

If you don’t press charges, how will you feel the NEXT time you respond to a worse situation involving this same man?

I’m pressing charges. It is highly unlikely the DA will move forward with them but at least it proves a point.

[Katy]

33 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I’m pressing charges. It is highly unlikely the DA will move forward with them but at least it proves a point.

You might be surprised. What DA would rather anger you guys than school administrators? 

[Faith-manor]

23 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

DH: Well, what about socialization? 
me: What about it?
DH: He needs to be socialized. That’s hard for homeschoolers.

this, coming from the homeschool graduate who did so many things that his sister maintains he was never home(mostly he did travel sports on scholarships that he wouldn’t have been able to do if he was in brick and mortar school) from 3-12th grades, along with youth group, homeschool group, apprenticeships, and far more social activities than I had as the oldest child of a large family.

What about socialization my a$$.

(Roll eye emoji)

update; I texted this to my MIL who called him up and informed him that worrying about socialization is so 1990s and she and loads of other homeschool pioneers didn’t fight for rights and co-ops and hyrbrid schools and homeschool gymnastics classes so he could worry about socialization in 2022. LOL. My MiL is fantastic.

Wow! Loving your mother in law at the moment!!!

Meanwhile, let your dh know that my homeschooled grandson was at swim lessons yesterday with five other kids his age, and is at his anatomy class today with his secular homeschool group, followed by a playdate with his whole class. On the 30th, I am hosting a Halloween party for 18 kids some homeschooled, some private schooled, some public schooled, and several religions and ethnicities/cultures among the families attending that party. Your son is going to be just fine.

 

[Faith-manor]

10 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I’m pressing charges. It is highly unlikely the DA will move forward with them but at least it proves a point.

Boy, it really pisses me off that the D.A. will let it go. Our county prosecutor just does not play on something like this. Here, he would be getting his ass handed to him, and if he couldn't afford a lawyer his public defender would be saying, "Dude, you totally effed up! If they make a plea deal, don't be stupid. Take it and be thankful."

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

10 hours ago, Katy said:

You might be surprised. What DA would rather anger you guys than school administrators? 

The same one who dropped the charges on an ER patient(not a psychiatric patient either) who attacked a nurse so badly she was hospitalized at the trauma center for two days.  He definitely will drop obstruction charges against the superintendent of the wealthiest school district in the county.

[Faith-manor]

Just now, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

The same one who dropped the charges on an ER patient(not a psychiatric patient either) who attacked a nurse so badly she was hospitalized at the trauma center for two days.  He definitely will drop obstruction charges against the superintendent of the wealthiest school district in the county.

Boy, this is the kind of thing that makes me want to get the peeps together, drive to his office, and have words! 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

6 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Boy, this is the kind of thing that makes me want to get the peeps together, drive to his office, and have words! 

DH says he’s got political ambitions and is only pursuing cases he can win.  Even though this would be Class A misdemeanor they’ll make it go away because there would be publicity. But I can file the paperwork and will just to make a point.

DH is so on the fence about homeschooling.  He knows how much work and energy you have to put into doing it right and just really doesn’t want to add it in.  And we both are feeling stupid for believing the hype about this school district and moving here from a district that wasn’t as perfect or wealthy but truly did care about the kids and was so small you knew everyone.

But then sweet DS7 who wouldn’t hurt a fly and has a speech disability got off the bus yesterday looking like this and can’t tell us more than some girl scratched him.

Edited October 4, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[chiguirre]

OP, what a crappy situation to be in!

Every time something has happened with my sons in Special Ed (even the very verbal one who can replay everything) I've gotten a call from the teacher to explain the situation. Can you call the teacher? This is really not acceptable.

[Faith-manor]

Tiggy, my heart breaks for DS! And I get it. This is a crap ton of work. But I cannot imagine your DS is safe with that maniac in charge. I think someone with that kind of mentality would find your little man who cannot advocate for himself to be a perfect target. Have you thought about forwarding a copy of the police report, evidence, charges etc. to the school board? He needs to be, at the very least, fired.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

1 hour ago, chiguirre said:

OP, what a crappy situation to be in!

Every time something has happened with my sons in Special Ed (even the very verbal one who can replay everything) I've gotten a call from the teacher to explain the situation. Can you call the teacher? This is really not acceptable.

It happened on the bus. They did review the videos and said it looked accidental.  But no one is sure.  And DS can’t really tell us.

The issue with DH is that he hated school. And he was going to hate school no matter what because he’s extremely hands on and homeschooling with Abeka was torture(but there wasn’t much choice in the late 1980s-early 1990s).  If he’d gone to PS he’d be adamant that our kids didn’t go there either.

[KungFuPanda]

I think it’s time for full out media/social media warfare. This man does not need to be voted up the chain of power. That’s just gross. Know any journalists, you tubers, local bloggers, or even journalism students???

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

I think it’s time for full out media/social media warfare. This man does not need to be voted up the chain of power. That’s just gross. Know any journalists, you tubers, local bloggers, or even journalism students???

The issue is that the interaction was in my role as a paramedic and not as a private individual or parent. If it was the latter I’d have already done so(I’m good at social media campaigns lol).

But going really public like that would likely risk identifying the child or at least veering into pissing my job(boss detests SM) or violating HIPAA territory.

[kbutton]

8 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

It happened on the bus. They did review the videos and said it looked accidental.  But no one is sure.  And DS can’t really tell us.

The issue with DH is that he hated school. And he was going to hate school no matter what because he’s extremely hands on and homeschooling with Abeka was torture(but there wasn’t much choice in the late 1980s-early 1990s).  If he’d gone to PS he’d be adamant that our kids didn’t go there either.

I am glad that they did their due diligence. It's the pits to have a kid that can't tell you what happened. My son was like that for a long time. He'd finally figure it out weeks, months, or sometimes years later and tell us. Language therapy helped tremendously with this. Then we got even more insight out of him. 

It's hard when one spouse has a big aversion to something. Does your DH realize he's biased in this particular way? 

We came to homeschooling as a way to solve a problem, and it's definitely not as fun as coming to it on purpose. Hugs. 

[KungFuPanda]

5 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

The issue is that the interaction was in my role as a paramedic and not as a private individual or parent. If it was the latter I’d have already done so(I’m good at social media campaigns lol).

But going really public like that would likely risk identifying the child or at least veering into pissing my job(boss detests SM) or violating HIPAA territory.

Ugh. I hate that your hands are tied like that. Hopefully the parents of the child in question will raise a fuss.