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  1. Also, welcome to Nashville, TN. Trying to help two family members buy a house. It's a nightmare.
  2. I am so glad for this topic! I've been wanting to replace my electric range for quite some time, but it kept working. I've had both gas and electric and prefer gas. I really want a duel fuel range, but I can't afford it. Well, last week, the range started acting up, so we are going to go shopping for a gas range. We live in the country and our gas lines run right outside the kitchen window. We have gas a/c, so it won't be too hard to have a gas line run to the kitchen. The lady we bought the house from did not cook much, so she was not interested in having a gas range when she built the house.
  3. My husband and I are also looking in to a Class C or 5th Wheel. We owned a 5th wheel with bunk beds for many years, but we sold that when our kids grew up. For the last five or so years, we've been renting on vrbo.com or staying in hotels for vacations, but we want to start traveling by ourselves and with our granddaughter on occasion. Our old 5th wheel was a 28 footer, and we towed it with a Ford 350 diesel. The truck is still going strong, so we know we can get another pull along. However, as we age, my husband's eye sight is a factor, so I end up driving on our vacations a lot of the time, and I know that I cannot pull one of those big rigs. We went shopping yesterday in fact, and it seems that 28 foot is considered small! We looked at 30 5th wheels and just straight pull alongs. Most were 32 feet or more. And they are beautiful! And pricey. The two Class C's we looked at were much smaller in living space, but I could drive a Class C with no problem. Class A I cannot drive. We are torn about what to buy. My husband wants a 5th wheel. I want a pull along because it has no stairs inside. And I want something I can drive or tow. I know we will end up being that old couple in the slow lane pissing off everyone on the highway because we are going so slow. Chances are we will get a 5th wheel, but hopefully about 24 foot. We have the truck already, and the Class C's are about $95,000. The one 5th wheel that I liked that was 28 foot long was about $27,000 new. You get more living space within a 5th wheel with slide outs. I just am really afraid of driving those big rigs in traffic. My husband is really good at driving them and even backing up into tight spaces. Our decision will probably come down to the price too. Class C's are very expensive.
  4. I truly understand your feelings. I have three grown children (aged 31, 25, 24). Both my husband and I are very involved still with our children's lives. The 24 y/o lives with us full time as he finishes college, the 25 y/o just moved back in to save for a house, and our 31 y/o is a single father and owns his own home. However, currently he is traveling a lot for his job, so we are caring for his home, my granddaughter, and his pets. My granddaughter is in first grade, so now I am taking and picking up from school, arranging for doctor's appointments, watching her while she is sick, and arranging for visitation with her mother. (My son has primary custody.) My husband retired in 2014, I retire next year, and this is not how we envisioned our retirement years. We intended to travel and live in our favorite mountain community. There is no way we can move, however. I thought we had raised independent sons, but it is surprising how much they depend on us, not so much financially but emotionally. Any major decision has to be vetted by their father. Any major life crisis (like the washer breaking) means I have to stop and help them deal with it. I honestly feel like I am raising my granddaughter, but I love her too much to NOT want to be there for her. It's just that sometimes I wonder if we are doing too much for them. My mother passed away when I was 26. When I was 18, I was basically shown the door. I did get a VW Rabbit though to help me out, but other than that I was on my own financially and emotionally. My mother did not coddle us at all growing up either. "Get up and deal with it," was her motto. Never once were my siblings and I hugged or told I love you by either of our parents. My husband's parents were the same when he was growing up. When he was 19, my husband got mad and quit his job and college all in one day! When he told his father, my father-in-law told him, "You got until Monday to get out of my house. I'm not supporting a lazy kid." My husband couch surfed with his sister for two weeks before joining the military (mid 1970s) and moving away. My husband and I are very different parents from our own parents. I agree with many of the posters who have said that we as parents have to learn to separate ourselves from our adult children. "Cutting the cord" goes both ways really. When our 25 y/o moved back home, he had lived on his own for five years. I guess he thought things were still the same as when he was a teenager. A small step for me was NOT doing the cooking and laundry for them. They have to do their own laundry and cook dinner for themselves. In the past, I would do all the cooking and laundry. My husband and I are buying a small travel trailer that sleeps only two (with a couch for the granddaughter). We intend to start traveling (with the granddaughter) this summer on short road trips. It's an attempt to foster some independence for our grown children. For example, they still want to go on every vacation with us. We have usually rented a VRBO house for the whole family to stay in but now we are going on our own. I know that my experience isn't quite the same as the OP, but perhaps taking a step back and letting your grown daughters deal with their own problems is a good place to start. We also are trying this step with our overly dependent kids. Be there for them when they really need it. My 25 y/o has looked at every house with his father in tow, because Dad knows about this stuff. But we do intend to take more time for ourselves and let our kids deal with life on their own level.
  5. I second this. My granddaughter and I watched this show together and love it. It's so funny to see people who bake like I do on TV.
  6. We pay $2200, for 3600 sq ft on 5 acres, not in an incorporated area, so considered rural. Our taxes just about doubled last year, going from $1200 to $2200, and we suspect will increase again. We protested but were declined. The reasoning is that so many people are moving into our area that they have to increase the taxes to pay for upgraded roads and build new schools. Many businesses moving here that get huge tax breaks but the homeowners are penalized. We live near Nashville, and the influx of people has really destroyed this once nice city! Traffic is awful, and rent!!! My sister prefers to rent because of her situation, but she can't find anything for a 2-bedroom below $1200. She moved here in 2010, and she was paying $525 rent for a 1600 sq ft condo with 3 beds/3 baths. She was priced out of that condo after 10 years when her rent went to $1300 basically overnight. Now, she's going to have to buy if possible to keep her payments stable. It's an untenable situation. We were hoping to sell and move to East Tennessee or rural Kentucky, but family keeps us here.
  7. Hi, My sister has been on Remeron now for about five years. It has helped her a lot with her night terrors/dreams. The psychiatrist put her on Remeron to help her sleep and it has helped her a lot. Ambien gave her too many side effects. She did gain weight on it, but the nightmares have stopped. She does suffer from severe depression after PTSD, stroke, and psychotic break. So her problems are severe, but she is on a good regimen of Latuda, Klonopin as needed, and Remeron. Plus one more medicine that I can't remember. I would say give it a try since it did help my sister get to sleep without vivid nightmares that would have her wake screaming. Plus, I hope sincerely that you find the help you need. It's been a long road for me to help my sister, and I would not wish PTSD and depression on anyone.
  8. I love this show and have watched it from the beginning. I believe that some of the best writers work for this show as the actors/actresses that leave the show don't detract from the story lines as much as other shows. I love Reggie and his character. I can really identify with Sheila and her desire to have Christmas for just her family. Their plucking the turkey was hilarious. My mom once ordered a goose, thinking it would be fun. It was just like that - a dead goose. My sister and I were totally grossed out and refused to eat it!! But we were pre-teens then who hated anything not "cool." I was particularly crying during the story of the lady who had seven (?) miscarriages and was too afraid to be happy about her baby being born. It was my story years ago. One of the reasons I love this show. It seems to write true realistic stories.
  9. Oh my, I've been on both sides of the fence with this issue! When younger, I used to let people basically bully me, because I was so afraid of hurting anyone's feelings. As I grew older and became more confident in myself, I found I had some very good talents in organization. Once I had a whole chili supper fundraiser function basically dumped in my lap a month before the event, because the person doing the event just didn't do anything at all. I would've said no, but it was for a group my kids loved. The chili supper went off pretty well, but it was a lot of work and stress and I didn't do it the following year. However, once I began to realize that I was more than capable, I also became "clueless" that I was really hurting people's feelings. When we were homeschooling still, I belonged to a lot of groups, and I was always the older mom. I was more than happy to jump in with my advice and help, and it took a very painful experience of being asked to leave a group for me to really examine my behavior. I realized then that I needed to scale way back on our homeschooling groups, and also realize that I don't always have to help, unless people ask for it. I apologized to the people's whose feelings I had hurt by my trying to help out. Honestly, I was happy to leave anyway since I didn't want the stress and drama. This has applied to my relationship with my kids too now that they are grown. I have three sons. I jokingly say that I am a failure as a MIL. I try not to be, honestly, the MIL and DIL relationship is the hardest for me. It took me nearly 25 years to realize that my own MIL wasn't a dragon, but I'm afraid that my (now ex) DIL sees me as a dragon. I keep my granddaughter a lot due to divorce and custody issues, and I know my ex-DIL blames me for a lot of what happened, when in reality I was dealing with going into a terrible situation. I won't go into all the details, but we have had our granddaughter since she was one. I've really had to learn to keep my mouth shut when around my ex-DIL and try very hard not to overstep my grandma boundaries now that custody issues have kind of resolved. So sometimes, the seemingly nice Karens that want to run the show can really be just a clueless as they seem. I know I was. What really gets me though are the people that say I'll do it and they do nothing at all, like the chili supper example I gave. Once, in Cub Scouts, I had a Mom literally call me a week before Christmas and said oh, we need you to run the Christmas tree sales! I had offered to help sell one night, but not every night and be responsible for whole thing! No one else would do it, but somehow I got blamed for there being no fundraising Christmas tree sales that year. No, I didn't accept responsibility for that at all. I went to the January leadership meeting and told them the situation. Basically, no one had wanted to do it, I had run fundraisers in the past, and they assumed I would do it again. Then, when no sales happened people assumed I had been the bad guy. No...I had purposefully not volunteered for such a labor intensive fundraiser that year, the parent that did volunteer had done nothing, and then I was supposed to take over but I said no to a weeks notice. Somehow, that made me a bitch. By this time, I was in my late 40s and not afraid to tell this group of young parents that I was not responsible for their mistakes. So, being a Karen and being a Patsy can be difficult. I've been both. Now, I'm trying to be a person who is capable, confident, and not overbearing.
  10. We did the opposite of downsizing - upsizing? I guess you'd call it. We had a 3 bedroom, 2-1/2 bath, 1900 sq ft on 5 acres about an hour outside a large town. Liked our country setting. We raised 3 kids here and kept meaning to sell and move, but my husband's job was not secure so we did not want to take a chance on moving to a more expensive house and he lose his job. Twenty years later!! he finally retired, so we decided to sell and move to a town in the mountains that we have longed loved to visit - about four hours from us. Started to spruce up the house to put on the market, but then life happened. I became a grandmother and then due to divorce and work hours I take care of my grandchild about 75% of the time. Plus, my sister's health was getting worse, and I had to become her caretaker. So, moving four hours away just wasn't going to happen. So, we decided to look for a house with no stairs and just live in our local area. By this time, prices were very, very high for what I wanted. So, we looked at our house. Paid off, but in great shape, and we had some plans drawn up to add a master bedroom, office, and master bath suite downstairs. The architect advised us to put on a second story bonus room since it would only be an investment of $10,000 since most of the money would be in the new plumbing and foundation, etc. So, a 900 foot addition became an 1800 foot addition. We also made the new addition handicap accessible and rebuilt the stairs to add on a stair lift in the future. I'm not sure I would recommend this to everyone, but we're loving it. We still have to maintain the yard and clean a larger house, but I have my own art studio, finally!!, and room for my grandchild who stays with us a lot as well as our youngest son, who is finishing his last year of college here at home due to COVID moving all his classes online and losing his job. He has found that having the whole upstairs practically to himself very nice as well as free food. My other two kids are in their own homes. My three granddogs stay with us a lot too. My sister still lives on her own, but we have a place in case her health means she can no longer live on her own.
  11. Sweets

    Honda CR-V

    Hi, I also have an Iphone, and I turned on the blue tooth on my phone. If your car has blue tooth capability, it automatically syncs to your phone. I am by no means a technological wizard, but it is pretty easy. At that point, our car has a screen where I can touch Blue Tooth, and it brings up Audible that is playing on my phone. The biggest problem I have is that when I have a phone call I still tend to get flustered by answering via the blue tooth. Sometimes it is hard for the person on the other end to hear me, and I end up screaming practically.
  12. Sweets

    Honda CR-V

    I think you made a great choice! We have a 2001 CRV and a 2007 Odyssey. These cars keep running although we have had to more work on the CRV the last year - new distributor - but it's close to 300K miles so can't complain. In January this year, we decided to look at getting a newer car because we travel quite a bit (or did before COVID). The CRV is my youngest son's car now for college, and my well-loved Ody is about 275K miles. We found a CRV 2015 with 65,000 miles, but I'm always extra cautious - it wasn't a great deal. I felt they were asking too much. We saw a Hyundai Santa Fe 2018 with 40,000 miles, still under warranty. Spent the night talking and decided on the CRV - we went the next day but it was sold. Man, I was bummed. In the meantime, the Hyundai dealer called us and offered us a less price on the Santa Fe. We bought it. We had owned a Hyundai Tucson, and I think after Honda and Toyota these are great cars. My middle son drove the Tucson, got into a head on collision in 2016, air bags deployed, but he was fine, thank God. The police told him that Hyundais have a good safety track record. But...that said, I am not all that thrilled with the Santa Fe. The seats are majorly messing up my back and sciatica. We are talking about trading it off on a CRV when the pandemic ends. One thing I do love about the Santa Fe is the blue tooth. I am addicted to Audible and love to listen to my books in the car. We did take a short trip in July, and poor husband had to listen to Great Books ancient Egypt on Audible. Since our kids are grown, it's only me and him when we travel. The Santa Fe gets great gas mileage too. However, one thing that I would caution any Honda buyers - be careful with the CVT transmissions that Honda tried putting in some of the CRVs from 2017-2019. I think they have discontinued the transmissions because they have had so many problems with the transmissions needing to be replaced.
  13. Hello, I live in Tennessee. About 10 years ago, I had a slightly similar situation, but it was with my sister, my only sibling, and my two (over age 18) nieces. My sister lived in another state and became totally disabled mentally due to a complete psychotic break after the death of her oldest daughter, my sweet, sweet niece. It totally devastated my other nieces. So, I had three adults that we had to take responsibility for everyday necessities of life: food, clothing, shelter, transportation. I won't sugar coat it: I found absolutely no help here in Tennessee from disabled and homeless organizations. All of the charity organizations were overwhelmed (due to the Great Recession) and the government agencies were totally uncaring. HUD? They don't even take applications for our area for the last 10 years; most landlords won't accept HUD anymore. Since it was my sister, my family did accept full financial responsibility. Our house was too small but we found them a small apartment and paid rent for a time. They came to our church and found some fellowship there. We joined a grief support group and that was a wonderful group that helped us all. I did all the paperwork for Social Security Disability for my sister. She went from being a nurse to being totally unable to work and in and out of psychiatric hospitals until they got her on some good medications. My sister did qualify for disability, and when that started, it really helped to have that monthly income, but it took about a year to get it started. Between my sister's savings and our help, they were just able to make it until disability kicked in. Before Obamacare, people who qualified for disability had to wait two years to get Medicare, which made no sense at all considering my sister's extreme medical situation. I found more help in just contacting companies directly: pharmacies help me with reduced medication costs, doctors agreed to decreased fees, found the food banks, and got information about education assistance for my nieces. I realize that I'm not being much help in your questions, but from our experience, Tennessee is no help at all for people who are facing homelessness or disability. I doubt it's changed in the last 10 years. Since you don't live near your relative, I would recommend trying to contact a local church. The churches in our area are great sources of information about food banks, rental assistance, etc. My SIL recently needed to help a friend with a similar situation to yours, but she did not want to give money directly to her friend. So, she gave $500 to her church, and they "gifted" the money to her friend in the form of a rental voucher. Your are so nice to try to help. In our case, my nieces are doing wonderfully. They are now late 20's and working and both have new cars and went to technical training schools. They were able to rebuild their lives. My sister is still in the "valley of the shadow of death" as she struggles with the loss of her eldest daughter still, but she is on a good regimen of medications and has been able to live on her own and babysit her grandson. I still watch over her finances. If anything, this whole situation taught me that the majority of people seeking assistance as not welfare queens or scammers . I met so many people who have full time jobs but ended up still in my sister's situation. Good luck and God bless your relative.
  14. Mid TN-near the Kentucky border. Things have normalized here somewhat. Flour is still sparse. Yeast nonexistent in most stores that we shop at. We shop at small Amish owned and local markets for most of our meats and staples. And a small town grocery store for everything else. Summer is coming so we are really looking forward to fresh veges and fruits from our local Amish farmers. We've avoided Walmart for six weeks now, but I should go as Walmart still has the best prices on vitamins. We go to Krogers once a month for prescription refill. It's hit and miss at stores about masks and gloves. I do the shopping as DH has an immuno compromise health condition. I always wear a mask and glove, but only about 50% of the people are also masked and gloved. Our Amish friends do not wear masks or gloves, but their stores and homes are spotlessly clean so I guess they feel safe in that respect. I know a lot of our hometown Facebook boards just want everything to open and caution be damned. The shut down has hurt small businesses here tremendously.
  15. We are long time dog owners. Our BEST dog ever was a beagle mix, Daisy. She was loyal and so gentle. We had her for 13 years before she passed. Only problem that others have mentioned about beagles: Daisy roamed a lot. We had trouble keeping her confined but she finally stayed close to home as she got older. Right now, we have another mix dog - not sure of her breed. She is a medium sized dog - probably part retriever/lab mix. She is not a roamer. We named her Lady, and she loves to be outside patrolling the perimeter of our property and chasing birds. She loathes the UPS driver, however, so we have to lock her up when expecting a package. She's a sweet heart. She sleeps all night inside and circles our property all day when not sleeping. My oldest son owns a Doberman. I have to tell you: I LOVE this dog. She's a velcro dog - right by your side 24/7. She's imprinted on my son to the point that she watches him ALL THE TIME. Born to obey and just a big love bug. They are definitely not an easy dog to own in the fact that they need company all the time. They love their humans. Your kids are old enough to provide the company, but Dobies are great with young ones. My 5 y/o granddaughter is a tyrant with this dog, but her Dobie just gently endures. I can see why people get so attached to these dogs. They are wonderfully loyal and so intelligent. I'd get one in a heart beat, but they are also neurotically needy and clinging to their humans and my husband can't deal with that. My MIL has only ever owned Yorkies. Holy cow, they are great dogs too. She has done Yorkie rescue for 50 years. I can't own one though. Very sweet but yappy as all get out. We owned two Shelties years ago. Loved, loved, loved these dogs too. They are great dogs for first time dog owners. Loyal and independent and rule the house for sure. But we have found that the best dogs for us in our typically sedentary retired lifestyle is the medium sized mix mutt female. My son is very active and the Dobie fits him. My MIL needs to baby something and have companionship, and the Yorkie is wonderful for her. Think about your lifestyle and the time you can devote to your new fur child.
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