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Sweets

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Everything posted by Sweets

  1. Hello, I don't really mind answering the question. I was just trying to be vague enough, although I doubt most people in my family would be on this board. I was 14 when my parents separated and 15 when the divorce was final and married a week after my 18th birthday. Not ashamed to admit that my husband and I married within days of meeting! He was in the Air Force, and we moved about 2000 miles away. I honestly think I was running away from home, but I was very, very, very lucky and married a wonderful man. Three sons, one grandchild, and a very different life than my mother lived. My father never attended my high school or college graduations or sent any congratulations on any baby. His granddaughter (my sister's daughter) was killed in 2010 and not one word from him. We know he heard about our lives, however, somehow as the step-children had my name, address, and phone number. Anyway, it's been a long and sad story. It's was a goal of mine to overcome the emotional abuse and trauma that I endured by my father. It never really goes away, but I think I've learned to just set it aside.
  2. My husband had this thought, but he is a very kind person. We've been married 43 years, and he never met my father so that was how far the estrangement went with our families. I never even knew the names of his second wife and step-children until seeing the legal papers on the sale of the house. However, my lawyer did go over a copy of the will and estate my father had set up, and he assured us that yes, it was my father's intention to leave my sister and I nothing. My father's lawyer made a mistake, because he left the real estate out of the trust. I've learned more about Texas real estate than I ever wanted to know. But apparently, and a simplified explanation, in Texas, the property goes to the legal children (adopted or bio) and not the surviving spouse or step-children. My father never legally adopted his step-children. Their mother, (his second wife), lived in the home until she passed away in Mar 2020, and that was when her two kids thought that they were left the house in entirety. 50% was their mother's and 50% was my father's. So, they inheirited 50% and we inheirited 50%. All of the other aspects of my father's estate, life insurance and investments went to the step-children. My lawyer said, "Do you know his estate was in excess of $3 million?" I said, yes, we knew. But, I'm not going to contest anything. The step-children loved my father, took care of him in his last days, and my father and his second wife were married for 37 years. They were more his family than my sister and I were. I mostly requested the 25% because it really benefitted my sister who is in poor health now due to a stroke. After talking with my cousins on my father's side of the family, I was really saddened to see to what extent my father though also cut out his side of the family: his only brother and nieces and nephews. We had not kept in touch. My mom's side of the family, ironically, still live in Texas, and even after 45 years, they were still angry about how my mom was treated. It's a long and sordid story and so sad and left so many people hurt and shattered. My mother took us away from Texas to start a new life after the divorce, and she is the one we remember with love. She passed away in 1986. Thank you all so much for letting me get this off my chest. It's been a very emotional journey. It was not easy, even as a older person, to realize to what extent - even at the end of his life - my father wanted nothing to do with my sister and I. He never met his bio grandchildren, even my youngest who has my father's eyes.
  3. Hello, A few weeks ago, I posted about my father's estate. He passed away in 2013, but my only sibling and I had no contact with him since 1976, when he left after my parent's divorced. He remarried and raised two step-children, and they became his new family. My sister and I never saw or talked to our father again, except one phone call in 1995 when our paternal grandmother died. Our father did not attend any major milestones in our lives or even send a Christmas card. We did not attend his funeral. So, about a month ago, I got a call from one of the step-sons. Apparently, they are just now selling my father and his second wife's house. Texas real estate law is very strict apparently, and the house was left out of the trust that my father had created to basically leave his rather extensive estate to his step-children and not his biological two children. My sister and I always knew we wouldn't get anything in the will, and basically lost no sleep over it. Well, the house was left out apparently, and now the step-children had to share in the proceeds of the sale of the house. This situation came up when a title search was done on the sale of the house. Long story short: It is all done. They agreed to 25% equal shares of the house's sell. The two step-kids were not happy about it, but the escrow agent did assure me in the end that the two step-kids did agree that since they got everything else in the will and my sister and I were not interested in contesting the will that it was best just to agree to our request of 25% each (four children) share of the house's proceeds. I had to pay my lawyer to handle this for me since it was so, so, so stressful and emotional. All those long ago hurt feelings came roaring back, and I had to step back. I had to go find two friends or relatives to witness to my parents marriage and divorce (mind this was almost 45+ years ago) because in Texas the legal marriage and divorce certificates weren't enough. I called and emailed a lot of cousins. Most said on my mom's side of the family were still very bitter. My father's side of the family had also been so hurt by his treatment. It is all so sad, but I also was able to speak with some cousins that I hadn't spoken to in years! Ironically, my aunt on my father's side, who really did not like my mom at all, was eager to act as a witness because she loves my sister, especially. I also found one niece of my father to act as a witness. This poor escrow agent said this was the most complicated closing ever in her career. Since we are all out of state of Texas, it was a lot of arranging notaries and Fed Exing. We did everything through our lawyer which made it way easier for my sister and I. And because of this, my husband and I updated our wills so our kids won't be stuck with dealing with any problems like this. So, if you own a home in Texas, make sure that your title searches are done before you even begin to try to sell or close on a house. This was a real nightmare for us all, bio and step children.
  4. I am sorry about the whole situation, for everyone. This happened to my son and his (now) XW and 18-month old. He was working long hours because she had a dream of owning a makeup studio, and he was trying to make money for that. Then, she decided to go to college instead of working. So, he worked long hours for that. We were providing free babysitting. One Sunday morning, before we left for church, he drove up, and he sat and cried. She wanted a divorce - wasn't happy, didn't want to be married, it was too hard, wanted shared custody so she didn't have the baby all the time, wanted to live her life. Basically same reasons as you wrote. Now, it's been five years and grandchild is 7. Things are better. We are able to attend activities, both sides of the family including step-grandparents, like the modern blended family. Both my son and his XW are now in their early 30s. XW has remarried and did open up her makeup studio. Now she wants to be a bartender. Go figure. But she is more mature and a good mom but still likes the week on/week off arrangement. My son went through some real PTSD issues. He has had two serious relationships and several girlfriends, but he really needs to quit thinking all women are just going to hurt him and take money. He swears he will never remarry or have more kids. But at least the anger is better and they do great a being parents separately. My grandchild still stays with us so much though that I am basically helping to raise her, and we walk a fine line between parental and grandparental decisions. It's hard, but we feel that it gives my grandchild stability. She is with us full time the last two weeks as her dad has been exposed at work, and now her mom and step-dad have COVID. It's not the way my son was raised, and I know he yearns for a stable relationship. I have posted here before about the difficulties young men face nowadays because things are so different. I have three sons and none can find anyone to marry or have a monogamous long term relationship with. My middle son just went through a bad breakup. Why? He wanted to get married. She wasn't interested. Just wanted to buy a house but not have a legal commitment. My middle son said no and left. He still bought a house for himself though. Very proud of him. My youngest son is 24, and he says he's always "friend zoned" so has given up dating at all. Lately, he shared with me that he plans to buy a house and adopt as a single man. He wants marriage, he wants kids, but "no girls want me, mom." So, he's working, saving money to buy a house, and plans to adopt by age 30.
  5. Second Update as of Sept 2: We did consult our probate and estate lawyer, who basically warned us against signing anything until he had a chance to review the wills and trust set up by my father. He was concerned about the pressure being put on my sister and I by my father's stepchildren to sign so they can sell the house. The closing on the house was extended to Sept 8, and they want the signatures today. I have been bombarded with calls and texts and emails for my sister and I to just sign the papers and have referred them all back to the lawyer. It has made me sick with stress. How dare these people just invade my life like this, when really I don't have a dog in this fight. My father's estate was valued at over $3 million, I found out, through the lawyer, and his only two biological children (my sister and I) were left out of the will by my father's choice. We did know this already though so it's not like it's some kind of surprise to me. The state of Texas is also requiring two witnesses that can attest to the veracity of the situation concerning my father's marriage, children, and divorce from my mother. So, I had to spend a whole afternoon tracking down relatives I had lost contact with over the years. Mainly cousins my age (60s) because it's been well over 45 years since my parents divorced and uncles and aunts have passed away. I found two cousins on my father's side who were willing to help me out, but the stories I heard made me sick. I knew how my sister and I were treated, but to hear he treated my cousins (his neices) so cruelly was heartbreaking. When I reached out to my mother's side of the family to see if they would be witnesses, I was blasted by them. (Look, we love you and your sister, but we won't lift a finger to do anything for D-- your dad, even if he is dead.) So, I'm just waiting to hear from the lawyer and ignoring texts and phone calls. I cannot believe how this has escalated over some property in Texas. Thanks, for listening. And please, go get your wills made up. My father had a will and trust but apparently it wasn't done properly, which has left his stepchildren in a hell of a mess. UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your advice. I got busy today and just now checked the boards. I talked this over with both my spouse and my sister and we all agreed that we need to get a lawyer. We live in Tennessee; the house and step-kids are in Texas. It's not that I have a lawyer currently, so I need to find someone in Probate and Estate Law. And of course, it's not free, but we feel that this is such an odd legal situation that we definitely are not qualified to just make a decision without counsel so it's worth the cost. It also is a stab in the heart once again from my father. He literally left us nothing, not a cent in his will, and I have no doubt that if the sell of the house could go through without our agreement then the two step-kids would not have contacted us at all. And honestly, I expected absolutely nothing after I heard my father had died, and I did not even think about contesting a will. So, now I have to face this issue once again. Sometimes I feel like that 16-year-old girl still and traumatized by my parents marriage and divorce. I thought it was all over. I'll update in a week or so to let you know what advice we received. Thanks again. Can't post about this on Facebook! Hello, I post here only rarely, but I did have a situation that I have absolutely no idea what to do. I am hoping someone might have had some experience in this bizarre situation. Long story but I'll try to shorten it up: My parents divorced in 1976 when I was 16, my sister (only us two kids) was 17. It was a bad divorce. Parents tried to kill each other basically, so I'll just leave it at that. My mother left the state and I went with her. My sister tried to live with my father, but he remarried and kicked her out. My sister joined my mother and I in the other state. I never saw my father again; only talked briefly on the phone in 1995 when my greatly loved grandma passed away. My father remarried, raised two step-children, and became a greatly loved grandpa. Unfortunately, my mother passed away from cancer in 1986. My sister and I went on with life, and between us we had seven children and no word whatsoever from our father. I reached out from time to time but no response. In 2012, my father had a heart attack, and I get notified but basically chose not to respond. Then, after he recovered a bit, I get a letter in the mail typed by him that was pretty vicious and hard to see that the hate still festered after all these years. I wrote back, but no response and then received word through a cousin that my father passed away in 2013. So yesterday, I get a call from one of the step-sons that he raised. My father's second wife had died in 2020, and they were trying to settle her estate. Turns out my sister and I were excluded from the will (no surprise) in an estate trust. The two step-children want to settle the trust and split the funds two ways. But the problem is the house. Somehow, the house was left out of the trust, and now they are trying to sell it. The title is not clear, because under the state law where they live the proceeds of the house sale need to be split between all heirs - which is the two step-kids, and my sister and I. They cannot sell the house without our permission and information about my father's side of the family (marriage to my mother, with two verifiable witnesses that my parents were married). The title company sent me some papers to provide the information. They want this by Tuesday, in order to close on the sale of the house. They are urging me to get this to them quickly. None of the papers are legally binding towards a will or information proceeds of the house. They just are papers pertaining to clearing the title of the house in order for the sale to go through. So, I don't know what to do. Just sign it and hope they split the proceeds? I don't need the money but my sister sure does. The house is for sale for $399,900, so a sizeable amount. Should I hold up the sale and consult a probate lawyer? I doubt I can contest the estate trust. I know my father had a relatively sizeable estate. I've been very emotional about this whole situation, and I got another phone call asking me to just sign the papers because the new owner's contract ends on Tuesday and they don't want to lose the sale. But these are strangers to me, and I want to protect myself and my sister (who is in poor health right now so I'm handling this for her). Any advice?
  6. Also, welcome to Nashville, TN. Trying to help two family members buy a house. It's a nightmare.
  7. I am so glad for this topic! I've been wanting to replace my electric range for quite some time, but it kept working. I've had both gas and electric and prefer gas. I really want a duel fuel range, but I can't afford it. Well, last week, the range started acting up, so we are going to go shopping for a gas range. We live in the country and our gas lines run right outside the kitchen window. We have gas a/c, so it won't be too hard to have a gas line run to the kitchen. The lady we bought the house from did not cook much, so she was not interested in having a gas range when she built the house.
  8. My husband and I are also looking in to a Class C or 5th Wheel. We owned a 5th wheel with bunk beds for many years, but we sold that when our kids grew up. For the last five or so years, we've been renting on vrbo.com or staying in hotels for vacations, but we want to start traveling by ourselves and with our granddaughter on occasion. Our old 5th wheel was a 28 footer, and we towed it with a Ford 350 diesel. The truck is still going strong, so we know we can get another pull along. However, as we age, my husband's eye sight is a factor, so I end up driving on our vacations a lot of the time, and I know that I cannot pull one of those big rigs. We went shopping yesterday in fact, and it seems that 28 foot is considered small! We looked at 30 5th wheels and just straight pull alongs. Most were 32 feet or more. And they are beautiful! And pricey. The two Class C's we looked at were much smaller in living space, but I could drive a Class C with no problem. Class A I cannot drive. We are torn about what to buy. My husband wants a 5th wheel. I want a pull along because it has no stairs inside. And I want something I can drive or tow. I know we will end up being that old couple in the slow lane pissing off everyone on the highway because we are going so slow. Chances are we will get a 5th wheel, but hopefully about 24 foot. We have the truck already, and the Class C's are about $95,000. The one 5th wheel that I liked that was 28 foot long was about $27,000 new. You get more living space within a 5th wheel with slide outs. I just am really afraid of driving those big rigs in traffic. My husband is really good at driving them and even backing up into tight spaces. Our decision will probably come down to the price too. Class C's are very expensive.
  9. I truly understand your feelings. I have three grown children (aged 31, 25, 24). Both my husband and I are very involved still with our children's lives. The 24 y/o lives with us full time as he finishes college, the 25 y/o just moved back in to save for a house, and our 31 y/o is a single father and owns his own home. However, currently he is traveling a lot for his job, so we are caring for his home, my granddaughter, and his pets. My granddaughter is in first grade, so now I am taking and picking up from school, arranging for doctor's appointments, watching her while she is sick, and arranging for visitation with her mother. (My son has primary custody.) My husband retired in 2014, I retire next year, and this is not how we envisioned our retirement years. We intended to travel and live in our favorite mountain community. There is no way we can move, however. I thought we had raised independent sons, but it is surprising how much they depend on us, not so much financially but emotionally. Any major decision has to be vetted by their father. Any major life crisis (like the washer breaking) means I have to stop and help them deal with it. I honestly feel like I am raising my granddaughter, but I love her too much to NOT want to be there for her. It's just that sometimes I wonder if we are doing too much for them. My mother passed away when I was 26. When I was 18, I was basically shown the door. I did get a VW Rabbit though to help me out, but other than that I was on my own financially and emotionally. My mother did not coddle us at all growing up either. "Get up and deal with it," was her motto. Never once were my siblings and I hugged or told I love you by either of our parents. My husband's parents were the same when he was growing up. When he was 19, my husband got mad and quit his job and college all in one day! When he told his father, my father-in-law told him, "You got until Monday to get out of my house. I'm not supporting a lazy kid." My husband couch surfed with his sister for two weeks before joining the military (mid 1970s) and moving away. My husband and I are very different parents from our own parents. I agree with many of the posters who have said that we as parents have to learn to separate ourselves from our adult children. "Cutting the cord" goes both ways really. When our 25 y/o moved back home, he had lived on his own for five years. I guess he thought things were still the same as when he was a teenager. A small step for me was NOT doing the cooking and laundry for them. They have to do their own laundry and cook dinner for themselves. In the past, I would do all the cooking and laundry. My husband and I are buying a small travel trailer that sleeps only two (with a couch for the granddaughter). We intend to start traveling (with the granddaughter) this summer on short road trips. It's an attempt to foster some independence for our grown children. For example, they still want to go on every vacation with us. We have usually rented a VRBO house for the whole family to stay in but now we are going on our own. I know that my experience isn't quite the same as the OP, but perhaps taking a step back and letting your grown daughters deal with their own problems is a good place to start. We also are trying this step with our overly dependent kids. Be there for them when they really need it. My 25 y/o has looked at every house with his father in tow, because Dad knows about this stuff. But we do intend to take more time for ourselves and let our kids deal with life on their own level.
  10. I second this. My granddaughter and I watched this show together and love it. It's so funny to see people who bake like I do on TV.
  11. We pay $2200, for 3600 sq ft on 5 acres, not in an incorporated area, so considered rural. Our taxes just about doubled last year, going from $1200 to $2200, and we suspect will increase again. We protested but were declined. The reasoning is that so many people are moving into our area that they have to increase the taxes to pay for upgraded roads and build new schools. Many businesses moving here that get huge tax breaks but the homeowners are penalized. We live near Nashville, and the influx of people has really destroyed this once nice city! Traffic is awful, and rent!!! My sister prefers to rent because of her situation, but she can't find anything for a 2-bedroom below $1200. She moved here in 2010, and she was paying $525 rent for a 1600 sq ft condo with 3 beds/3 baths. She was priced out of that condo after 10 years when her rent went to $1300 basically overnight. Now, she's going to have to buy if possible to keep her payments stable. It's an untenable situation. We were hoping to sell and move to East Tennessee or rural Kentucky, but family keeps us here.
  12. Hi, My sister has been on Remeron now for about five years. It has helped her a lot with her night terrors/dreams. The psychiatrist put her on Remeron to help her sleep and it has helped her a lot. Ambien gave her too many side effects. She did gain weight on it, but the nightmares have stopped. She does suffer from severe depression after PTSD, stroke, and psychotic break. So her problems are severe, but she is on a good regimen of Latuda, Klonopin as needed, and Remeron. Plus one more medicine that I can't remember. I would say give it a try since it did help my sister get to sleep without vivid nightmares that would have her wake screaming. Plus, I hope sincerely that you find the help you need. It's been a long road for me to help my sister, and I would not wish PTSD and depression on anyone.
  13. I love this show and have watched it from the beginning. I believe that some of the best writers work for this show as the actors/actresses that leave the show don't detract from the story lines as much as other shows. I love Reggie and his character. I can really identify with Sheila and her desire to have Christmas for just her family. Their plucking the turkey was hilarious. My mom once ordered a goose, thinking it would be fun. It was just like that - a dead goose. My sister and I were totally grossed out and refused to eat it!! But we were pre-teens then who hated anything not "cool." I was particularly crying during the story of the lady who had seven (?) miscarriages and was too afraid to be happy about her baby being born. It was my story years ago. One of the reasons I love this show. It seems to write true realistic stories.
  14. Oh my, I've been on both sides of the fence with this issue! When younger, I used to let people basically bully me, because I was so afraid of hurting anyone's feelings. As I grew older and became more confident in myself, I found I had some very good talents in organization. Once I had a whole chili supper fundraiser function basically dumped in my lap a month before the event, because the person doing the event just didn't do anything at all. I would've said no, but it was for a group my kids loved. The chili supper went off pretty well, but it was a lot of work and stress and I didn't do it the following year. However, once I began to realize that I was more than capable, I also became "clueless" that I was really hurting people's feelings. When we were homeschooling still, I belonged to a lot of groups, and I was always the older mom. I was more than happy to jump in with my advice and help, and it took a very painful experience of being asked to leave a group for me to really examine my behavior. I realized then that I needed to scale way back on our homeschooling groups, and also realize that I don't always have to help, unless people ask for it. I apologized to the people's whose feelings I had hurt by my trying to help out. Honestly, I was happy to leave anyway since I didn't want the stress and drama. This has applied to my relationship with my kids too now that they are grown. I have three sons. I jokingly say that I am a failure as a MIL. I try not to be, honestly, the MIL and DIL relationship is the hardest for me. It took me nearly 25 years to realize that my own MIL wasn't a dragon, but I'm afraid that my (now ex) DIL sees me as a dragon. I keep my granddaughter a lot due to divorce and custody issues, and I know my ex-DIL blames me for a lot of what happened, when in reality I was dealing with going into a terrible situation. I won't go into all the details, but we have had our granddaughter since she was one. I've really had to learn to keep my mouth shut when around my ex-DIL and try very hard not to overstep my grandma boundaries now that custody issues have kind of resolved. So sometimes, the seemingly nice Karens that want to run the show can really be just a clueless as they seem. I know I was. What really gets me though are the people that say I'll do it and they do nothing at all, like the chili supper example I gave. Once, in Cub Scouts, I had a Mom literally call me a week before Christmas and said oh, we need you to run the Christmas tree sales! I had offered to help sell one night, but not every night and be responsible for whole thing! No one else would do it, but somehow I got blamed for there being no fundraising Christmas tree sales that year. No, I didn't accept responsibility for that at all. I went to the January leadership meeting and told them the situation. Basically, no one had wanted to do it, I had run fundraisers in the past, and they assumed I would do it again. Then, when no sales happened people assumed I had been the bad guy. No...I had purposefully not volunteered for such a labor intensive fundraiser that year, the parent that did volunteer had done nothing, and then I was supposed to take over but I said no to a weeks notice. Somehow, that made me a bitch. By this time, I was in my late 40s and not afraid to tell this group of young parents that I was not responsible for their mistakes. So, being a Karen and being a Patsy can be difficult. I've been both. Now, I'm trying to be a person who is capable, confident, and not overbearing.
  15. Sweets

    Honda CR-V

    Hi, I also have an Iphone, and I turned on the blue tooth on my phone. If your car has blue tooth capability, it automatically syncs to your phone. I am by no means a technological wizard, but it is pretty easy. At that point, our car has a screen where I can touch Blue Tooth, and it brings up Audible that is playing on my phone. The biggest problem I have is that when I have a phone call I still tend to get flustered by answering via the blue tooth. Sometimes it is hard for the person on the other end to hear me, and I end up screaming practically.
  16. Sweets

    Honda CR-V

    I think you made a great choice! We have a 2001 CRV and a 2007 Odyssey. These cars keep running although we have had to more work on the CRV the last year - new distributor - but it's close to 300K miles so can't complain. In January this year, we decided to look at getting a newer car because we travel quite a bit (or did before COVID). The CRV is my youngest son's car now for college, and my well-loved Ody is about 275K miles. We found a CRV 2015 with 65,000 miles, but I'm always extra cautious - it wasn't a great deal. I felt they were asking too much. We saw a Hyundai Santa Fe 2018 with 40,000 miles, still under warranty. Spent the night talking and decided on the CRV - we went the next day but it was sold. Man, I was bummed. In the meantime, the Hyundai dealer called us and offered us a less price on the Santa Fe. We bought it. We had owned a Hyundai Tucson, and I think after Honda and Toyota these are great cars. My middle son drove the Tucson, got into a head on collision in 2016, air bags deployed, but he was fine, thank God. The police told him that Hyundais have a good safety track record. But...that said, I am not all that thrilled with the Santa Fe. The seats are majorly messing up my back and sciatica. We are talking about trading it off on a CRV when the pandemic ends. One thing I do love about the Santa Fe is the blue tooth. I am addicted to Audible and love to listen to my books in the car. We did take a short trip in July, and poor husband had to listen to Great Books ancient Egypt on Audible. Since our kids are grown, it's only me and him when we travel. The Santa Fe gets great gas mileage too. However, one thing that I would caution any Honda buyers - be careful with the CVT transmissions that Honda tried putting in some of the CRVs from 2017-2019. I think they have discontinued the transmissions because they have had so many problems with the transmissions needing to be replaced.
  17. Hello, I live in Tennessee. About 10 years ago, I had a slightly similar situation, but it was with my sister, my only sibling, and my two (over age 18) nieces. My sister lived in another state and became totally disabled mentally due to a complete psychotic break after the death of her oldest daughter, my sweet, sweet niece. It totally devastated my other nieces. So, I had three adults that we had to take responsibility for everyday necessities of life: food, clothing, shelter, transportation. I won't sugar coat it: I found absolutely no help here in Tennessee from disabled and homeless organizations. All of the charity organizations were overwhelmed (due to the Great Recession) and the government agencies were totally uncaring. HUD? They don't even take applications for our area for the last 10 years; most landlords won't accept HUD anymore. Since it was my sister, my family did accept full financial responsibility. Our house was too small but we found them a small apartment and paid rent for a time. They came to our church and found some fellowship there. We joined a grief support group and that was a wonderful group that helped us all. I did all the paperwork for Social Security Disability for my sister. She went from being a nurse to being totally unable to work and in and out of psychiatric hospitals until they got her on some good medications. My sister did qualify for disability, and when that started, it really helped to have that monthly income, but it took about a year to get it started. Between my sister's savings and our help, they were just able to make it until disability kicked in. Before Obamacare, people who qualified for disability had to wait two years to get Medicare, which made no sense at all considering my sister's extreme medical situation. I found more help in just contacting companies directly: pharmacies help me with reduced medication costs, doctors agreed to decreased fees, found the food banks, and got information about education assistance for my nieces. I realize that I'm not being much help in your questions, but from our experience, Tennessee is no help at all for people who are facing homelessness or disability. I doubt it's changed in the last 10 years. Since you don't live near your relative, I would recommend trying to contact a local church. The churches in our area are great sources of information about food banks, rental assistance, etc. My SIL recently needed to help a friend with a similar situation to yours, but she did not want to give money directly to her friend. So, she gave $500 to her church, and they "gifted" the money to her friend in the form of a rental voucher. Your are so nice to try to help. In our case, my nieces are doing wonderfully. They are now late 20's and working and both have new cars and went to technical training schools. They were able to rebuild their lives. My sister is still in the "valley of the shadow of death" as she struggles with the loss of her eldest daughter still, but she is on a good regimen of medications and has been able to live on her own and babysit her grandson. I still watch over her finances. If anything, this whole situation taught me that the majority of people seeking assistance as not welfare queens or scammers . I met so many people who have full time jobs but ended up still in my sister's situation. Good luck and God bless your relative.
  18. Mid TN-near the Kentucky border. Things have normalized here somewhat. Flour is still sparse. Yeast nonexistent in most stores that we shop at. We shop at small Amish owned and local markets for most of our meats and staples. And a small town grocery store for everything else. Summer is coming so we are really looking forward to fresh veges and fruits from our local Amish farmers. We've avoided Walmart for six weeks now, but I should go as Walmart still has the best prices on vitamins. We go to Krogers once a month for prescription refill. It's hit and miss at stores about masks and gloves. I do the shopping as DH has an immuno compromise health condition. I always wear a mask and glove, but only about 50% of the people are also masked and gloved. Our Amish friends do not wear masks or gloves, but their stores and homes are spotlessly clean so I guess they feel safe in that respect. I know a lot of our hometown Facebook boards just want everything to open and caution be damned. The shut down has hurt small businesses here tremendously.
  19. We are long time dog owners. Our BEST dog ever was a beagle mix, Daisy. She was loyal and so gentle. We had her for 13 years before she passed. Only problem that others have mentioned about beagles: Daisy roamed a lot. We had trouble keeping her confined but she finally stayed close to home as she got older. Right now, we have another mix dog - not sure of her breed. She is a medium sized dog - probably part retriever/lab mix. She is not a roamer. We named her Lady, and she loves to be outside patrolling the perimeter of our property and chasing birds. She loathes the UPS driver, however, so we have to lock her up when expecting a package. She's a sweet heart. She sleeps all night inside and circles our property all day when not sleeping. My oldest son owns a Doberman. I have to tell you: I LOVE this dog. She's a velcro dog - right by your side 24/7. She's imprinted on my son to the point that she watches him ALL THE TIME. Born to obey and just a big love bug. They are definitely not an easy dog to own in the fact that they need company all the time. They love their humans. Your kids are old enough to provide the company, but Dobies are great with young ones. My 5 y/o granddaughter is a tyrant with this dog, but her Dobie just gently endures. I can see why people get so attached to these dogs. They are wonderfully loyal and so intelligent. I'd get one in a heart beat, but they are also neurotically needy and clinging to their humans and my husband can't deal with that. My MIL has only ever owned Yorkies. Holy cow, they are great dogs too. She has done Yorkie rescue for 50 years. I can't own one though. Very sweet but yappy as all get out. We owned two Shelties years ago. Loved, loved, loved these dogs too. They are great dogs for first time dog owners. Loyal and independent and rule the house for sure. But we have found that the best dogs for us in our typically sedentary retired lifestyle is the medium sized mix mutt female. My son is very active and the Dobie fits him. My MIL needs to baby something and have companionship, and the Yorkie is wonderful for her. Think about your lifestyle and the time you can devote to your new fur child.
  20. In my area, all-purpose flour and yeast are very hard to find as well as alcohol and hand sanitizier. I stopped by Kroger on the way home today from my chiropracter appointment. Supplies were limited on paper products but absolutely no sugar, flour, or yeast. I normally shop at our small local markets. We live near Amish farms, so we get our eggs from them as well as fresh fruits and veggies in the summer. We also shop at a small family owned grocery store. They have done a wonderful job of keeping meats in stock, but they ration chicken and ground beef strictly to one per person. This store is low on flour and yeast but alot of sugar. I plan to drive to a small Amish owned store thats about 45 minutes away later this week. We shop there notmally twice a month. They sell the handy dandy 50 pound bags of flour and sugar and yeast by the large containers. If you hit it right, they also have baked goods and fresh range frozen whole chickens. We enjoy the drive through beautiful farm lands. Its our only entertainment these days. We stay away from Walmart at this time. I usually buy our vitamins at Walmart, but its been crazy full parking lots here.
  21. My now 22 y/o son had severe speech deficits as a child. He made no babbling sounds as a baby, and by 18 months we started with speech therapy. He was evaluated for everything, and we even took him to be evaluated at Vanderbilt in Nashville. They were no help. He didn't fit any parameters of autism. His hearing tests were normal. Tongue structure normal. He just could not talk beyond grunting, although at age 4 he could say Mama. We continued with speech therapy through age 14. It was a long process of basically teaching him to talk - how to place his tongue, how to make sounds, how to be aware of his speech so he talked slowly and clearly. He is now in graduate school and has normal speech. There were many times i would get very discouraged when he was younger. We homeschooled him because of his speech issues all through high school. I am not sure that your child’s issues are the same, but I wish someone had been able to be more encouraging to us years ago. If there are no underlying issues for speech impedients, it might be that your child just needs help in learning how to talk. Not all kids learn speech in the normal manner. From what I experienced also, this speech delay seems more common in boys.
  22. I have not had good experiences buying a car through private transactions lately. Back in the 1980s, we bought and sold several cars through newspapers ads, and we always had a positive experience: people were honest about the conditions of the vehicle and we also sold cars to people who showed up on time and did not try to cheat us. But through CL, no. Tried to buy a Subura Forester, cash in hand, and the owner was so picky about where to meet us and what time to meet us. Finally we settled on a McD's near her home at 10 a.m. Saturday morning, but it was an hour drive from our home.. She then texted me while we were on the way that she overslept and can we come later? I texted back that we could not and sorry, no longer interested. Then I tried selling a cute Hyundai on CL. Got a couple who seemed nice. They wanted their mechanic to look at it. OK, so I meet them and then sat for TWO HOURS waiting for my car at this mechanic's. I was so angry because they knew I had appointments and I kept trying to leave but the mechanic said my car was torn apart. Then, I get a list of about $1500 repairs that needed to be done. This was a good car that we kept in good condition but was 10 years old. This couple then wanted me to lower the price of the car by $1500 or pay for the repairs. I knew at that point that I was probably being taken for a scam. I took the keys and left. Then I started getting emails and texts - threatening me with legal sued and then begging me with a sob story and then calling me all kinds of names. It was so bizarre. I blocked every communication and quit responding. I took the post down from CL and kept the car. Now, we only buy through dealers. We basically now keep our cars until we have to sell for parts. I am driving a 10 year old Honda Oddyssey with about 300,000 miles, 20 year old Ford E350 for the husband with 200,000 miles. I hope to buy a CRV next.
  23. Hello, I hope that this situation can resolve, because weddings can be so stressful. And in addition, being the MIL (groom's mom) is especially hard relationship! I have a little experience - sadly, very similar to your situation. It did not end well. My oldest son married 2013, baby 2014, separated 2015, divorced 2016, and still dealing with the financial aftermath. At first, we loved our ex-DIL - she really made us her family. I look back though and can see the signs - all financial. We were upper middle class, not rich, but comfortable, thanks to my husband's hard working. She thought we were rich for some reason. The wedding was supposed to be a mini-royal wedding. Her family did nothing, other than contributing a nice sports car to drive her to the wedding and host the bridal shower. We did the food and even paid for the honeymoon. She had a honeymoon baby and then life got really unhappy. She was not happy about the demands of being a new mother as well as being tied down. The other grandma and I watched the baby a lot, because my DIL went back to work quickly. We had no idea though how bad things were getting as we tried very hard to stay out of my son's life - until early Sunday morning he came to me and just had a mini-breakdown. She was spending thousands of $ on a new idea for a business she wanted to start - all funded by him. He was maxed out on credit cards and the house was going into foreclosure because she wasn't making the house payment! He was really stunned by this, because he loved and trusted her so much. She had all control of finances. I spent the day planning steps for him to take, and thank God, he listened to me a little bit. I had some experience because my mother went through a horrendous divorce and I remember the problems she had with finances. Then it got bad - really bad. People listened to her story of our family being horrible to her. My son had been in counseling for several months before he made the decision that he couldn't do this anymore. He made the decision to divorce her. In the process, she had called the cops on him, busted out the windows of his house, told everyone he was beating her, and on and on. The one thing I can say is that she never kept our grandchild away from us - probably because we were free babysitters. The other grandma (her mother) had gone back to work. It's a long story and I'm trying to condense it. My son is financially trying to rebuild his credit. It seems like he can't catch a break though as the bills from their marriage keep coming. Close to $30K in credit cards she took out. She did open her business. They do share custody of their child. He still pays for everything for the child, and we get her all the time anyway for babysitting. My poor grandchild has really been put through a lot. Funny though - she quickly remarried - not sure why as she told everyone she hated being "tied down." But her family and the new groom's family must have not paid anything as it was a small wedding by the lake. They live with her mother. He doesn't work. You get the picture, I think. My son has PTSD - literally traumatized by this divorce. He dates but is very commitment shy. He says he will never, ever marry anyone every again. He is only 29. My advice to you after telling you our story is this: Try to stay out of it. I had a hard time doing this. I could not keep myself from giving advice to my son, but he didn't want to hear my advice except that one day he came to the one person on this planet who he could trust - me. And cried and cried. But after that, he wanted me to stay out of his life and was very insistent on the things I could and could not do towards him and his ex and my grandchild. Of course, it was hard, but I know he is a grown man who needs to work through this on his own. So, I have to trust him to find his way and help when he asks for it. The other advice is to stick to your guns. DO NOT pay more than you can for anything. I think the demands on you guys financially is ridiculous. You have offered help - learn to say no to everything else. As far as the hurt feelings, just realize that it's not going to change anything. The bride will do this her way. My niece refused to invite her grandmother (my MIL) to her wedding. It shocked all of us, and my husband and I refused to go if my MIL was not invited. My niece said it was because grandma was "mean." But grandma paid for college and gave her a car to go to college! It was stupid. We sent a small gift and stayed home. Grandma cried for weeks about it. Then, when my niece divorced after six months and wanted to remarry another guy, grandma (tough old lady) basically told my niece don't invite me again. No one in the family went to that wedding. She had hurt to many feelings with her diva demands. (Her own father and step-mother paid for all the first wedding $20K, and said no to the second wedding.) Good luck. Put on your beautiful dress, dance, and smile. Then go home and pray real hard that your son will do good in his new life. It's a rocky road being a MIL!!
  24. In my homeschool career, I met mostly parents who were responsible and dedicated. One of my sons had a girlfriend whose mother was an English teacher at our local high school and totally anti-homeschooling. She'd tell me all the horror stories of the homeschooled high school students that were barely literate. However, i think getting to know our family she saw thst homeschooling could work, but I think she was surprised at the sheer hard work i had to do as well as the scope of the studies that my kids did. There are homeschool parenting failures, but luckily most of the homeschooling families we knew were successful. What I see happening now in our area is that homeschooling is now a business. No more free get togethers in the park as we used to do or even get togethers to study something fun. Now these co-ops that are for-profit are everywhere.
  25. Hello, I am Sweets and I apologize for the quote from Junior. I had used her post to answer the questions and totally messed up on the posting I guess. Sorry for the confusion.
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