Friend issue...

[BakersDozen]

Met a family some years back when we began roller hockey and picked up right away that the youngest (a girl, age 7) is a tattletale, whiner, special snowflake, etc. She can do no wrong and her mom/brothers worship her. She is one who accuses kids of saying/doing stuff that never happened and her mom believes her. We've spent a lot of time with them but in situations where everyone can see/hear what is happening whether it be at the rink, a park, or our home. When this girl is at our home there is always a group playing together - no closed doors or opportunity for just her and one of my kids to play alone. My dc know why this rule is in place and until recently, nothing happened.

A couple weeks ago this girl (now 10) was with us at the rink playing dodge ball. She got in-between her brother and another boy and got a ball in her face. It was almost dark, lightly raining, lots of movement, etc. So the kid who hit her said, "Sorry," but did not follow the girl as she left the rink crying. He's the kind of kid (14yob) who is slightly clueless but not unkind to others. Girl whines to her mom, tells her mom that she was on the ground (not true) and the boy deliberately slammed the ball into her face (not true). Her mom gets angry and ends up leaving. A couple of days later we're all that the rink again, roller hockey this time, and the girl is out there with no shin pads. And of course her shins get hit with a stick right sharply by my 10yos. The girl tells her brother (middle child, not very bright but definitely loyal to his sister) that my boy hit her on purpose. So the kid goes after my son, hitting him with his stick. The girl's mom believes her kids. We tell our son to put lots of distance between himself and the other boy and his sister.

Cue tonight: Glow Hockey (glow balls, light sticks - fun times!). Hours of fun play until this girl comes whining to her mom that she got a ball in the face. The boy who hit her was right there and said, "We were throwing balls at each other - she hit me in the face, too!" But he wasn't upset about it. Girl quits her whining and goes back on the rink. A bit later she comes running up saying that my son (the same one who supposedly whacked her on purpose on the shins) hit her brother in the neck with his stick.

What happened is that my ds and this other boy both fell, my boy got up, his stick was pinned by the other boy's stick, so my boy yanked his stick up. Seen it happen on the rink many times, only this time his stick went up and hit the boy's neck just right. It was an accident. My boy asked twice if the kid was OK but the kid didn't answer, just skated off to the benches. This is what the kid does - he's very quiet and rarely talks. So my boy goes off and skates only to suddenly find himself being yelled at by the boy's mom who is super, super angry and basically saying it was done on purpose. My kid says he apologized (which another kid did hear), and cannot understand why he is being yelled at.

I stayed back, let the mom march off, then quietly addressed the situation with everyone left. My admonishment was if something happens, even after they ask if the other player is OK, go to an adult and let them know what happened. Show that concern.

But I'm guessing this is one friendship that is over, at least on the rink. I am so sad. I don't understand parents who blindly believe their dc and accuse other kids of stuff. It could have been her boy who injured someone and, had it happened to one of my dc, I would have known it was an accident. It's roller hockey, for goodness' sake! I'm surprised there aren't more injuries!

I guess I'm just really angry and sorry for my boy who would not purposefully harm someone. To be "dressed down" like that was not good (had I stepped in, things would have gotten worse, I'm sure).

Not sure what I'm needing or looking for here... Too many memories of seeing/hearing that kind of behavior from parents who see the fault in other dc but never in their own. I also don't understand blind sibling loyalty - I am not that way with my siblings and would not want that from my own dc toward each other.

Sorry...I don't post much but when I do, it's long and kind of dramatic.

Edited July 25, 2022 by BakersDozen

[Rosie_0801]

Ugh. If I had to associate with these people, I'd tell my kid to report to me immediately anything happened, and if their mother ever had a go at them about anything, to make their way to me immediately; not to argue with her because it's pointless and not to stand there and take it because they don't deserve it.

Then she would be told with as much vehemence as required that she will raise any future problems with me, privately, like a civilised adult.

[Ellie]

I'm with Rosie on this.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Perhaps  you left a lot out but I don’t see anything positive that they brought to a relationship. Friends don’t act like that and I include the mother in that statement. I would definitely stay away from them. False accusations can get super ugly as kids get older. 

[Kassia]

4 minutes ago, Ellie said:

I'm with Rosie on this.

yes, me too.  I feel really bad for your poor ds - that is so upsetting.

[BakersDozen]

2 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Perhaps  you left a lot out but I don’t see anything positive that they brought to a relationship. Friends don’t act like that and I include the mother in that statement. I would definitely stay away from them. False accusations can get super ugly as kids get older. 

Ah, good point. Because our dc get along so well with her kids (her oldest son is the sweetest kid ever), and because time with them was mostly with kids on the rink, things were OK. We didn't just hang out with each other beyond rink time or when they are here for a class. It's just been this summer that we've been together more and nothing happened until the dodgeball night. Then the stick-to-the-shins came right after that and the mom even admitted that they were all on edge. But her son took it upon himself to go after my ds even though her son didn't actually see what happened - he went blindly on the word of his brat sister.

After that, things calmed down. I even had a chance to talk w/the mom and her dd briefly at my house - didn't call the girl out as being what she is, didn't embarrass her, but did tell everyone there (my dc were all present) that if something happens to 1) ask if the other kid is OK and 2) get help from an adult if need be.

So that's what we focused on tonight. My ds thought the kid was fine. He had no clue the kid was not OK. So ds and all of my dc have been told to go find an adult immediately because the first one to hear that the boy was hurt was the brat girl, and she definitely worded things such that it sounded like my son had hauled off and whacked the boy full on with his stick on purpose. 😞 I don't have perfect kids, but none of them would have done that. Ever. I even had my ds role play what had happened and it is so obvious that it was an accident.

[BakersDozen]

18 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

If I had to associate with these people, I'd tell my kid to report to me immediately anything happened, and if their mother ever had a go at them about anything, to make their way to me immediately; not to argue with her because it's pointless and not to stand there and take it because they don't deserve it.

Then she would be told with as much vehemence as required that she will raise any future problems with me, privately, like a civilised adult.

I will share this with my dc tomorrow. My dh was standing there but he also felt that saying something would have made things much worse. This is not a mom one tries to reason with when it comes to her dc, especially her dd. But I was waiting right there so as soon as she was out of hearing distance, I talked with the group. I think the vibe is that everyone, kids included, knows to not try and reason with her - they were all quiet, even my 7yos who is not one to keep quiet (and he is the one who heard my son ask if the other boy was OK).

So yes, I would love to tell her that she will raise any future problems with me privately, but in my mind I envision one of those situations between two grown people in a grocery store or something - voices raised, fingers pointed, etc. I don't give anyone an opportunity to act like that in front of me or especially in front of kids. So I honestly didn't know how to help the situation beyond letting her storm off then having an audience (sans drama mama) with those who were still there.

And that's why I came here as soon as I walked in the door. I cannot talk to the other mom about this right now and maybe not ever. I think things will definitely change - my dc know we won't be inviting them to the rink any time soon. Or the park. Or our house. Distance for sure. Because I promise she won't listen - she won't. Her kids are perfect in her eyes and her daughter the most perfect of all. Which stinks because I adore her oldest son and, when there is no issue with kids/injury, the mom is actually super pleasant and fun to be around. It's very sad that this all happened and that she reacted as she did. It was an accident. 😞

[Rosie_0801]

It is difficult to walk the line between keeping the peace and enabling abuse when you're on the receiving end of someone who likes to keep everyone around so well trained.
 

I'm glad you're going to distance yourself. There are too many costs to outweigh any benefits.

[BakersDozen]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

It is difficult to walk the line between keeping the peace and enabling abuse.

Yes. I feel that suddenly all this time - a couple of years now and definitely this last year - of keeping the peace and knowing how to respectfully maintain a friendship was altered abruptly by the mom's response tonight. And my response...I don't know...maybe I was sure I knew what to say to the dc? I just couldn't see escalating the situation. I don't know. I hate drama and conflict.

[Catwoman]

11 minutes ago, BakersDozen said:

Yes. I feel that suddenly all this time - a couple of years now and definitely this last year - of keeping the peace and knowing how to respectfully maintain a friendship was altered abruptly by the mom's response tonight. And my response...I don't know...maybe I was sure I knew what to say to the dc? I just couldn't see escalating the situation. I don't know. I hate drama and conflict.

If I were you, I absolutely would have escalated the situation with the mom, right there in front of the kids, and my dh would have been right there with me.

Most of us don’t exactly love drama and conflict, but this family has done some rotten things to your kids, yet you kept letting them get away with it. I don’t understand that mentality at all. Why don’t you defend your children, right there, right then, when it happens? 

That mom and her family behave the way they do because they get away with it. Stop letting them get away with it. If the idiot mom pitches a fit, so what??? 

Seriously, sometimes you have to go a little mama bear!

[BakersDozen]

24 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

If I were you, I absolutely would have escalated the situation with the mom, right there in front of the kids, and my dh would have been right there with me.

Most of us don’t exactly love drama and conflict, but this family has done some rotten things to your kids, yet you kept letting them get away with it. I don’t understand that mentality at all. Why don’t you defend your children, right there, right then, when it happens? 

I literally just got done talking about this w/my dh. I should clarify that this is the first time the mom has raised her voice to any of my dc. There was an issue (again, because of her dd) 2 years ago that was resolved calmly but then nothing until the dodgeball night. The mom didn't make a scene when she got angry then, she just left despite it being obvious that she was very angry. The shins/stick thing she was again obviously upset but didn't go off on my ds and, when I got a chance to bring it up (I think it was the next day), all was fine.

So tonight was surprising in that she was so vocal, and it's hard to describe the "vibe." My brain was whirling as fast as it could as I sifted through how to handle things. To me, at that moment, I just wanted her to go away which is exactly what she did. She raised her voice, told the group that she needs her dc to be able to come to the rink and playbut not have her dc get hurt, etc. She wasn't in my son's face screaming at him (and I'm sorry if my OP made it sound that way), but she was obviously upset at yet another injury and, unfortunately, by the same kid whose stick hit her dd's (unprotected) shins.

All that being said, my only thought was to get her gone and get the dc together to talk through it immediately. From what my dc have expressed tonight, the mom embarrassed herself. The dc were not upset at what she was saying because they all shrugged their shoulders and said, "It was an accident...any of us could have been the one to have done it/had it done."

Maybe I gambled on them knowing her and her dd well enough that I could wait the minute or so before she left? Removal was first on my mind - get her out of here. And had I spoken up I know she would have stayed and argued. I didn't want someone in her state of mind sticking around and possibly saying something really bad.

Honestly, I keep replaying tonight over and over, wondering if I should have done or said this or that. My only thought was to gather the dc around me without her there so we could talk it out - get the facts, see that it was an accident, go over getting help, etc. My defensive mama mode was definitely there, trust me, but my protective mama mode was much stronger. I'm not sure, had I let defensive mama mode take over, that things would have gone as they did.

I may have been wrong and if so, I'm sorry. 😞 My kids know, especially after tonight, that I listen, "sift and sort," and talk through stuff fairly and openly. I guess I couldn't see that happening with drama mama present. It almost felt like, if I engaged with her, that I was allowing her to continue and control instead of having her removed and therefore controlling the situation myself.

 

Edited July 25, 2022 by BakersDozen

[Rosie_0801]

14 minutes ago, BakersDozen said:

Honestly, I keep replaying tonight over and over, wondering if I should have done or said this or that.

It doesn't matter any more. What happened happened for reasons. You've concluded that distancing yourselves is an appropriate course, so you have a plan for the future. Have some chocolate and tell your brain to quieten down and enjoy it. If it wants to obsess, tell it to obsess about the future. How are you going to handle it when she wants to meet up again?

[BakersDozen]

14 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

It doesn't matter any more. What happened happened for reasons. You've concluded that distancing yourselves is an appropriate course, so you have a plan for the future. Have some chocolate and tell your brain to quieten down and enjoy it. If it wants to obsess, tell it to obsess about the future. How are you going to handle it when she wants to meet up again?

Chocolate consumed...trying to calm my brain. More discussion w/dh and we know that while immediate distancing is a given (thankfully, their family will be out of town for a few days), there will be no further activities such as hockey or soccer at the park (previously one of our favorite evening events). The mom clearly (and loudly) stated that she can't have her dc playing and getting hurt while with our dc, so no more playing. Because I can't have my dc fearing so much as a bump or trip against her dc . So for everyone's protection, nothing physical.

That's all I have for right now. And I'm out of chocolate - had to dig stuff out of the freezer just to find that last stash of chocolate chips.

[Lecka]

Bakers Dozen — her behavior is ridiculous and crossing a line.

 

You don’t deserve to put up with any of it.

 

Its a sad situation but now that you know what she’s like — it’s probably going to go downhill.  She has probably been like this all along to some extent, and now it’s just being directed at you.  

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

It doesn't matter any more. What happened happened for reasons. You've concluded that distancing yourselves is an appropriate course, so you have a plan for the future. Have some chocolate and tell your brain to quieten down and enjoy it. If it wants to obsess, tell it to obsess about the future. How are you going to handle it when she wants to meet up again?

Exactly this. If this was the first time she called your kid to the carpet, it is up to you to make it the last. 
 

I would put all the cards directly on the table if/when she wants to meet up again. I would ask questions to “force” her to see the drama her dd is stirring up. Questions like, “How will you respond if Janie gets hurt again and the finger is pointing at my son?” Most people try to answer a specific question like that and it gives you an opportunity to say you will not accept her “disciplining” your child on unfounded accusations. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would just invite some of the other families to do hockey or soccer. If someone asks where her family is, you can just simply say that the other family has asked not to play with yours (though I would hope that it doesn’t come up…)

[HomeAgain]

I will quietly mourn the fact that you guys don't have cameras available to you as part of roller hockey.  Most ice hockey rinks do video feed now.  It would be wise to take your own video of the games and review/send to the mother as necessary so that you both have a clear picture of what's going on.

[Indigo Blue]

As to your reaction, I agree there’s a time to be assertive in the moment, and there have been many times where I should have been but instead I froze in that moment. There’s that regret later and beating yourself up. All the advice in the thread is so good. But now, you’ve had time to think about it, discuss with your husband, and know what you might do next time…if there is one. “Sifting and sorting” is good and I bet next time you’ll be better prepared, whichever approach you think is best. 

[Katy]

I’d be very tempted to say if she can’t stand injuries she needs to put her kids in a different sport than hockey. 

[mom31257]

I'm sorry that you want to have a relationship with this person and family, and it isn't happening. It's hard when things don't turn out like we hope.   I've never had a true friend act like that, though. 

I agree with others that accusations have the potential to get much worse as the kids get older, so distancing sounds like the best option. 

[City Mouse]

Just be happy that this is the first parent you have encountered like that. As a teacher, I have come across many who will believe their children over anyone else even when the children say something totally outrageous. 
I once had a parent of a 1st grade accuse me of abuse and defacing a child’s personal property (a Velcro wallet) because I wrote his name neatly on the inside of the wallet. 

Edited July 25, 2022 by City Mouse

[MEmama]

It’s good for kids to learn how to deal with toxic people and that’s it’s not only okay but beneficial to let them go.

As adults, too many of us hesitate for one reason or another (it’s always complicated) but the sooner they learn how to recognize and deal with abusive people the better. Same goes for us.

 

[wintermom]

Sorry,  I haven't read through the whole thread,  but I don't hear anything about the level of supervision out on the playing area. It sounds like some of these sessions are organized, but mixed ages and gender (14 year old boys playing with 10 year old girls sounds like way too broad an age range, and the size and strength difference is potentially huge). Without proper supervision and control that everyone is wearing all appropriate equipment, injuries are going to happen. They're going to happen anyway, but at least with supervision there is opportunity to have some level of control of the play, as well as adult witnesses directly involved with the activity. 

Maybe I am missing something? It sounds like that young girl is being placed in situations where she could get very seriously injured. I'd pull out of unsupervised "shinny hockey" altogether and move towards something a lot better supervision before someone gets very badly injured. 

[Tiberia]

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

I knew someone who was like this with a son-who-could-do-no-wrong. I considered the mom a friend in a homeschool setting, but every now and then she would surprise us all with an outburst of anger or unexpected over-reaction to other kids' innocent accidents or mistakes. But she never saw her son's bullying and intimidation of other students. Eventually it all came to a head with one incident where the mom reacted so illogically and viciously towards a kid that I realized that mom is either NPD or has a major blind spot regarding her golden child. It really confused me for a while because I had seen an interaction with my own eyes, but she portrayed it completely differently when she told others about it. Fortunately, she left our homeschool group shortly after that. I'm sorry to lose the friendship, because she's an otherwise delightful woman, but I would never trust her again.  

[Farrar]

We had a situation that wasn't quite the same, but did rest partly on one younger kid intent on being the victim. My kid accidentally got him in the face when a huge group were playing with Nerf guns. For the next YEAR, despite my kid having apologized over and over, younger kid brought it up. And eventually it became clear that mom and brother were telling the kid that my kid had done it maliciously and on purpose. By the end of this relationship, my kid was in tears about it every night because he couldn't understand why they wouldn't believe him. Thank goodness the family left our circles in a huff. 

Basically, be done with these folks. Once people are convinced they're the victim, I second everything Rosie said. It's over. There's no repairing it.

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, BakersDozen said:

I literally just got done talking about this w/my dh. I should clarify that this is the first time the mom has raised her voice to any of my dc. There was an issue (again, because of her dd) 2 years ago that was resolved calmly but then nothing until the dodgeball night. The mom didn't make a scene when she got angry then, she just left despite it being obvious that she was very angry. The shins/stick thing she was again obviously upset but didn't go off on my ds and, when I got a chance to bring it up (I think it was the next day), all was fine.

So tonight was surprising in that she was so vocal, and it's hard to describe the "vibe." My brain was whirling as fast as it could as I sifted through how to handle things. To me, at that moment, I just wanted her to go away which is exactly what she did. She raised her voice, told the group that she needs her dc to be able to come to the rink and playbut not have her dc get hurt, etc. She wasn't in my son's face screaming at him (and I'm sorry if my OP made it sound that way), but she was obviously upset at yet another injury and, unfortunately, by the same kid whose stick hit her dd's (unprotected) shins.

All that being said, my only thought was to get her gone and get the dc together to talk through it immediately. From what my dc have expressed tonight, the mom embarrassed herself. The dc were not upset at what she was saying because they all shrugged their shoulders and said, "It was an accident...any of us could have been the one to have done it/had it done."

Maybe I gambled on them knowing her and her dd well enough that I could wait the minute or so before she left? Removal was first on my mind - get her out of here. And had I spoken up I know she would have stayed and argued. I didn't want someone in her state of mind sticking around and possibly saying something really bad.

Honestly, I keep replaying tonight over and over, wondering if I should have done or said this or that. My only thought was to gather the dc around me without her there so we could talk it out - get the facts, see that it was an accident, go over getting help, etc. My defensive mama mode was definitely there, trust me, but my protective mama mode was much stronger. I'm not sure, had I let defensive mama mode take over, that things would have gone as they did.

I may have been wrong and if so, I'm sorry. 😞 My kids know, especially after tonight, that I listen, "sift and sort," and talk through stuff fairly and openly. I guess I couldn't see that happening with drama mama present. It almost felt like, if I engaged with her, that I was allowing her to continue and control instead of having her removed and therefore controlling the situation myself.

 

The important thing is your children are fully aware that you believe them and that they understand this other mom is unhinged and that the little girl is a trouble maker.  Sometimes it is better to just let someone like that make a fool of themselves.

I think distance is best but if you ever plan to do my more with them I would definitely  have a brief conversation with that mom and tell her to bring her issues with your children to you from now on. 

[theelfqueen]

I don't understand how a parent with this personality came to decide hockey and Dodgeball were good fits for her family. "I got hit with a stick" yup that's hockey. "I got hit with a ball" yup that's dodgeball. 

[Katy]

I remember being completely bewildered by an adult acting like that when I was a kid. My stepmom diffused my tension about it with the Southern phrase, “Showing her a$$.” And rolling her eyes. And later when retelling the story to other adults we knew used the phrase again. Another adult patted me on the back and said, “That family has always been trouble. Don’t worry about it.” 
 

I don’t think I thought of it again until just now. 

[fraidycat]

2 hours ago, theelfqueen said:

I don't understand how a parent with this personality came to decide hockey and Dodgeball were good fits for her family. "I got hit with a stick" yup that's hockey. "I got hit with a ball" yup that's dodgeball. 

Right!?

[BakersDozen]

7 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

I will quietly mourn the fact that you guys don't have cameras available to you as part of roller hockey.  Most ice hockey rinks do video feed now.  It would be wise to take your own video of the games and review/send to the mother as necessary so that you both have a clear picture of what's going on.

It's an outdoor rink - no cameras - and it was Glow Hockey. And as I talked w/my dc again about exactly what happened, it is easy to see how the situation could have happened even in daylight or with the lights on. Two kids went down, they were fine, one was sitting up, the other stood up and pulled his stick away from the other kid's stick. I think that even had cameras been available, the mom would have reacted the same.

[BakersDozen]

4 hours ago, Farrar said:

We had a situation that wasn't quite the same, but did rest partly on one younger kid intent on being the victim. My kid accidentally got him in the face when a huge group were playing with Nerf guns. For the next YEAR, despite my kid having apologized over and over, younger kid brought it up. And eventually it became clear that mom and brother were telling the kid that my kid had done it maliciously and on purpose. By the end of this relationship, my kid was in tears about it every night because he couldn't understand why they wouldn't believe him. Thank goodness the family left our circles in a huff. 

Basically, be done with these folks. Once people are convinced they're the victim, I second everything Rosie said. It's over. There's no repairing it

We tried Nerf twice and never went back for this very reason.

[BakersDozen]

5 hours ago, wintermom said:

Maybe I am missing something? It sounds like that young girl is being placed in situations where she could get very seriously injured. I'd pull out of unsupervised "shinny hockey" altogether and move towards something a lot better supervision before someone gets very badly injured. 

The girl has only recently been on the rink with the others. She's not been steady enough on skates and she got frustrated that she couldn't keep up. There are kids from 6-17 (8 of them my own) who play together throughout the week and they honestly do a fantastic job. My little guy has never gotten hurt, they don't body each other, and they play very respectfully. It's actually one of the highlights of our time together - no one is excluded and everyone has always had a lot of fun. But 4 injuries happened all in a row, 2 of which were avoidable (shin/stick and ball/face). Even the stick and the neck injury could have happened in an ordinary, lit up game as my ds and the other boy are on the same age divisiion/league.

The girl's behavior I'd seen before she was old enough to get on the rink. At the park right beside the rink she would run and tattle on other girls who had done nothing wrong. My own dd was not allowed to hang out at the park w/o me present (and I was very glad when my dd spent most of her time on the rink skating).

No one enjoys having this girl on the rink but everyone has been respectful. But we've now learned that in her eyes (and her mom's), everything is deliberate and worthy of being whined about. Other kids have gotten bumped, have fallen, and have even had sticks hit various areas of their bodies. No one whines or blames anyone - at least they didn't until just this last week.

[BakersDozen]

8 hours ago, Quill said:

Exactly this. If this was the first time she called your kid to the carpet, it is up to you to make it the last. 
 

I would put all the cards directly on the table if/when she wants to meet up again. I would ask questions to “force” her to see the drama her dd is stirring up. Questions like, “How will you respond if Janie gets hurt again and the finger is pointing at my son?” Most people try to answer a specific question like that and it gives you an opportunity to say you will not accept her “disciplining” your child on unfounded accusations. 

I played out in my mind over and over what I could say to the mom and the problem is that her dd doesn't make "unfounded accusations," at least not in her eyes nor in her son's eyes. At this point, after talking over things again w/my dc this morning, both the girl and her brother are "going after" my ds for things that were accidental. They have taken it upon themselves to play vigilantes - it's that blind loyalty and readiness to accuse and attack without caring that there may be another side of things.

I just got done having a long talk w/my dc and they know we will not be participating in any contact sport/activity with the other family.

My first thought this morning was that I understand that the other mom wants her dc to be safe physically, but I want my dc to be safe emotionally/mentally. I cannot imagine "going off" on someone's dc and am not about to set my dc up for her to do that again.

It's crazy  - I see these things as accidents that are easily addressed and learned from, not drama-filled blaming and revenge incidents.

 

[BakersDozen]

Thank you all...again...for helping me sift through a situation. I love that I can sit down and lay out what happened, knowing the Hive will offer a variety of perspectives and thoughts.

[Kassia]

20 minutes ago, BakersDozen said:

Thank you all...again...for helping me sift through a situation. I love that I can sit down and lay out what happened, knowing the Hive will offer a variety of perspectives and thoughts.

Isn't it great?  I don't know what I'd do without all of you.

[Kassia]

23 minutes ago, BakersDozen said:

I played out in my mind over and over what I could say to the mom and the problem is that her dd doesn't make "unfounded accusations," at least not in her eyes nor in her son's eyes. At this point, after talking over things again w/my dc this morning, both the girl and her brother are "going after" my ds for things that were accidental. They have taken it upon themselves to play vigilantes - it's that blind loyalty and readiness to accuse and attack without caring that there may be another side of things.

I just got done having a long talk w/my dc and they know we will not be participating in any contact sport/activity with the other family.

My first thought this morning was that I understand that the other mom wants her dc to be safe physically, but I want my dc to be safe emotionally/mentally. I cannot imagine "going off" on someone's dc and am not about to set my dc up for her to do that again.

It's crazy  - I see these things as accidents that are easily addressed and learned from, not drama-filled blaming and revenge incidents.

 

I'm really sorry this woman is spoiling things for you and your dc.  

[KungFuPanda]

I’d write it all out . . . just the facts, and keep it in a format ready to send if the mom challenges you or even asks for a play date. Record all the instances of her daughter lying and explain that you can’t risk her toxic behavior around your kids until she gets a handle on it. Explain that it was inappropriate for her to yell at your child rather than speaking like a person and getting both sides of the story. TELL her it’s a shame because you really did enjoy her company and her oldest child is a real gem. Just be HONEST. As a parent she needs to be told what’s going on. She might not know. She probably won’t believe you, but her kids deserve a chance to have this behavior addressed and she might believe the NEXT person who brings it up. 
 

What kind of dufus puts three kids in hockey and doesn’t expect any injuries. There ARE non-contact sports.