Why does dress shopping have to be so hard? RANT

[dirty ethel rackham]

Since my eye opening lab work last summer, I've worked hard to lose some weight and I'm down about 15 lbs.  I haven't worn anything other than yoga pants and scrubs for the last 2 years so I thought I'd treat myself to a dress for my daughter's graduation (and as a substitute for not getting a my own graduation ceremony or celebration last year.)  I wanted something fun and festive, other than my usual plain solid color sheath. I went to our local shops and boutiques.  Every time I saw something that appealed to me, it ended up being in the petite section, but I'm not even close to being petite - GRR.  All of the stores had plenty of staff but, with the exception of one store, nobody acknowledged me or asked me if they could help me find anything.  And most of the dresses I saw were either shapeless or in colors that don't look good on me (orange, yellow, coral, beige, etc. I'm a blue, purple, teal kind of person.)  

So, I decided to go to Macy's since I saw some dresses online that I thought might look good. After waiting in line for 15 minutes to get a changing room, I tried on 12s and 10s.  The 12s were huge.  The 10s were a tad tight in the waist or upper torso area but HUGE in the chest.  So big that I couldn't even begin to figure out how to alter them without completely remaking the top.  Do they not make anything for women with average sized chests - I'm not teeny tiny - C cup.  Is it a requirement now that the chest must be 10 inches bigger than one's waist?  

I just want a dress that gives me a little bit of a shape now that I have lost some weight but doesn't emphasize the lumpy loose abdominal skin, nor show off the chicken cutlets in my armpits.  Does this unicorn exist and can I get it in 10 days?    Oh, and it has to be something that doesn't need high heels.  Between my bad ankle and the fact that there will be some walking involved, I have to wear flatter shoes/sandals with lots of arch support.  

Here is one that I thought looked OK, until I looked at the top.  and it was so baggy.   I tried a couple that seemed like they were higher-waisted, but they were too fitted in the midsection.  Any ideas?

[Harriet Vane]

I feel your pain. I went through much the same trying to find dresses to wear to my niece's wedding and my daughter's wedding. I had a terrible experience with eShakti and I do not recommend them. I found a nice dress at Target of all places for my niece's wedding, and I was able to order a dress from Dillard's for my daughter's wedding. I tried on zillions of dresses for months to come up with those two options. 

 

[KungFuPanda]

I’ve had luck at Nordstrom Rack, but I haven’t purchased anything like that since before the pandemic. The dress you posted was really cute. I hope you find something you love. Wrap dresses with sleeves they cover the upper arms seem to be universally flattering. Have you tried any of those?

[YaelAldrich]

I hate dress shopping. That's all. But you might try White House Black Market or Maggie London. I have decent luck with those stores.

Edited May 8, 2022 by YaelAldrich
Couldn't remember the correct name of the store

[matrips]

I bought this dress in a different color scheme and wore it tonight.  It is flattering on and so comfortable! It is not fitted, but not completely shapeless either.  It hugs snugger at the top and then flares out.  It is very similar to another one I wear all the time as well.  
 

https://www.beallsflorida.com/online/nina-leonard-womens-violet-sun-dress?categoryId=3074457345616939729&top_category=&parent_category_rn=

[math teacher]

Dresses have become increasingly popular in my circles, but I still stick with skirts and tops. Sorry it is so difficult!!

[Amethyst]

How about something like this?

 

 

[teachermom2834]

I feel your pain. I was always overweight and thought that shopping would be easy if I lost weight. Nope! Even at a size 8/10 nothing fits right. Grrr.

I’m kind of a pear and self conscious about my arms. I have to go with what a previous poster mentioned- a wrap or faux wrap style dress with sleeves. That is about the only thing that works for me.
 

It is so frustrating to lose weight and think you will have more options and still can’t find anything. I was like “who do these clothes actually fit? I’m 5’4 and a size 8. If that isn’t pretty average I don’t know what is supposed to be.” 

[Lillyfee]

I really like dresses like that. 

I have normal breast, skinnier waist and bigger hips and also had four kids. That cut is the best for me and looks feminine and pretty.

https://www.amazon.com/WEACZZY-Womens-Dresses-Pockets-X-Large/dp/B09MCN4RVM/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=LGGKJ1L4EXO6&keywords=dresses+for+women+2022&qid=1652023757&sprefix=dresse%2Caps%2C130&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyN044SlpIVUNSNTU5JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMTYzNjA5MTcyTFM5RUdGQ1JITyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMzU1MDM3M0NXOUE3RzFEQkpRQSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3Bob25lX3NlYXJjaF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl

[dirty ethel rackham]

On 5/7/2022 at 8:53 PM, KungFuPanda said:

I’ve had luck at Nordstrom Rack, but I haven’t purchased anything like that since before the pandemic. The dress you posted was really cute. I hope you find something you love. Wrap dresses with sleeves they cover the upper arms seem to be universally flattering. Have you tried any of those?

I went into Nordstrom Rack on yesterday, but it was overwhelming.  Too crowded, too cramped to look at anything and way overstimulating.  When I saw the long lines for the dressing rooms were long, I needed to get out of there.  I might try to order a couple of Maggie London dresses for pick up.  

22 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

I hate dress shopping. That's all. But you might try White House Black Market or Maggie London. I have decent luck with those stores.

We have a White House Black Market store in my town. I popped in there but didn't see much in colors that were flattering.  I will give them a try on Tuesday to see if I can get some help from real sales people to find something.  

22 hours ago, matrips said:

I bought this dress in a different color scheme and wore it tonight.  It is flattering on and so comfortable! It is not fitted, but not completely shapeless either.  It hugs snugger at the top and then flares out.  It is very similar to another one I wear all the time as well.  
 

https://www.beallsflorida.com/online/nina-leonard-womens-violet-sun-dress?categoryId=3074457345616939729&top_category=&parent_category_rn=

I have something like that but I do like this color.  

11 hours ago, Amethyst said:

How about something like this?

 

 

While this is a lovely dress, I don't think I have the figure to pull it off.  With all my loose skin rolls, I would need some serious spanx and I may have to walk a mile in nearly 90 degree St. Louis heat.  

11 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

I feel your pain. I was always overweight and thought that shopping would be easy if I lost weight. Nope! Even at a size 8/10 nothing fits right. Grrr.

I’m kind of a pear and self conscious about my arms. I have to go with what a previous poster mentioned- a wrap or faux wrap style dress with sleeves. That is about the only thing that works for me.
 

It is so frustrating to lose weight and think you will have more options and still can’t find anything. I was like “who do these clothes actually fit? I’m 5’4 and a size 8. If that isn’t pretty average I don’t know what is supposed to be.” 

I know, right?  So frustrating.  I just ordered some dresses from Macy's and I'll give our local shops another try on Tuesday when they should be less crowded.  I do have this Eddie Bauer dress that  I bought several years ago that fits better since I lost the weight. I had made some alterations so that it wasn't quite so revealing on top.  I had wanted something dressier for the day of the full commencement but I might be able to wear it to one of the more casual festivities.  

[rebcoola]

Dress shopping is the worst. I have huge b00oks so that doesn't help. 

[kiwik]

I think I have owned one dress in the last 40 years.  Good luck.

[mmasc]

This is probably too casual for what you want, but I wanted to toss it out there just in case. I have this dress and it fits pretty good. The cinching in the waist adds some definition, but is still loose enough on bottom to not hug/cling. I wore a white denim jacket over it with some “nice” jewelry and sandals to dress it up a bit. 

[wintermom]

I think it's hard because 1) dresses suck, and 2) we buy off the rack.  I'm so glad to not have to wear dresses or make them. 😉 

[HS Mom in NC]

If your proportions are significantly different than what comes in most dresses (smaller top, larger hips are known as a pear shape)  getting a separate top and skirt might be your best bet.  If you get them in the same color they "read" as a dress.

An A line or circle skirt is wider at the bottom, and narrower at the waist, giving you the bottom of an hourglass shape. Tops with cap sleeves, half sleeves, flutter sleeves, puffed sleeves make a shape more like the top of an hourglass as long as the rest of it is closer to the body.  A belt can help emphasize the middle of an hourglass shape too.
 

 

[plansrme]

Dresses are stupid. That's the only explanation. I'm not sure when they got stupid, but some time between now and the last time I shopped for a non-work dress.

A fellow mom of a graduating senior and I have discussed this ad nauseam, and she recommended this one. She got 3. It doesn't do anything for me, but so many people seem to love it.

I bought a linen dress from Banana Republic (in black) and wore it to college graduation this weekend with a pair of espadrille wedge sandals. It was fine. Temps on graduation day were over 100, and I walked a good bit and was not ridiculously hot. I've ordered and returned 3 from Boden and a couple from Nordstrom; all were laughable. I'm seeing friends on social media posting pics at their own kids' graduations, and it is clear that most just gave up and wore a ridiculous dress (with an expression that clearly means "I know I look silly," or went with pants and a cute top. 

Good luck.

 

[Lori D.]

Skirt + top -- allows you to mix and match to fit the different needs of different halves of your body.

[plansrme]

1 hour ago, Lori D. said:

Skirt + top -- allows you to mix and match to fit the different needs of different halves of your body.

Well, yes, but (1) hotter, and (2) twice as many pieces to have to shop for and wear and (3) sometimes you just want a dress.

[Lori D.]

1 hour ago, plansrme said:

Well, yes, but (1) hotter, and (2) twice as many pieces to have to shop for and wear and (3) sometimes you just want a dress.

 But if you can't find a dress that fits, then (1) a lightweight skirt and top is no hotter than a dress (2) stores often have tops and skirts right together so not hard to shop and (3) I'd love wear a dress if I weren't so long waisted that the waist line hits at the bottom of my rib cage making it impossible.

[TerenceMil]

As for me on the contrary dress shopping is the easiest one, because you can mistakes with pent's size much easier.

[ktgrok]

Wrap style! They are SO forgiving, both in bust size and in hiding tummy. I have ones I have worn and had fit 30 - 50 lbs either direction. 

I have this dress in several colors/patterns. https://amzn.to/3TgTODu

I also have this, which is more casual, very comfy. https://us.shein.com/Overlap-Collar-Shirred-Waist-Dress-p-10149020-cat-1727.html

But anything that style should work well. 

[sgo95]

zombie thread.

[QueenCat]

18 minutes ago, sgo95 said:

zombie thread.

It's not that old 😉 I'm enjoying new recommendations.

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, QueenCat said:

It's not that old 😉 I'm enjoying new recommendations.

Yeah - we all agree we hate dress shopping.  I hate clothes shopping, period.  There's a reason I often wear jeans and t-shirts . . . .   (I do love soft surroundings surplice/wrap shirts with 3/4 sleeves. . . . )
the last time I went clothes shopping (in june  - dh told me to "spend money".  That was so I wouldn't feel guilty spending $$$$$, but did nothing for the NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND ANYTHING that I liked, fit, and was flattering.  I didn't buy anything for me.

 

I did spend  (eek!) on a shirt for graduation for 1ds.  (Nordy's didn't have it in stock, so ordered it.) He did wear it to gradation.  (it has airplanes on it - very subtle print.)

[Clarita]

59 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

the last time I went clothes shopping (in june  - dh told me to "spend money".  That was so I wouldn't feel guilty spending $$$$$, but did nothing for the NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND ANYTHING that I liked, fit, and was flattering.  I didn't buy anything for me.

Next time DH tells you to spend $$$$ go custom. I had to get a tailored dress to be a bridesmaid and I didn't know I could look so good. 

[Ting Tang]

I do not like shopping as much as I used to when I was half the age I am now.  With that being said, you might check Amazon.  What I like to do is read the reviews and look at people's selfies.  That way you can see how an item fits on a particular body shape and type, and you can see that the item receives looks like what's in the ad.

[Melissa in Australia]

If you can sew try making clothes from a different decade.  Modern clothes are not really manufactured in a way that flatters a lot of body shapes.  I am currently trying out clothes from the late 1930s and 1940s. The reason I firstly chose that time period was the patterns were designed with fabric rationing in mind.  And fabric here can be  very expensive. 

But I have discovered that clothes from this time period are very flattering for a middle age body.  There are tucks,  darts and gathers that appear to make some areas of the body smaller and other parts larger.  It is of course illusions,  but it is pretty good.  Not something found in modern clothes. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Here is a photo of a 1939 dress pattern that I whipped up this week to give you an idea what I am talking about

[QueenCat]

16 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

Yeah - we all agree we hate dress shopping.  I hate clothes shopping, period.  There's a reason I often wear jeans and t-shirts . . . .   (I do love soft surroundings surplice/wrap shirts with 3/4 sleeves. . . . )
the last time I went clothes shopping (in june  - dh told me to "spend money".  That was so I wouldn't feel guilty spending $$$$$, but did nothing for the NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND ANYTHING that I liked, fit, and was flattering.  I didn't buy anything for me.

 

 

I completely understand!