TravelingChris Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 Many hugs to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 You are the last person in the world who should be made to feel guilty right now. You are a caring, compassionate, supportive, hard-working daughter and frankly have been a super woman over the past weeks. Sending you a hug. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 29, 2022 Author Share Posted January 29, 2022 According to Keith (the nurse who has been on nights, which, due to my teaching schedule, I've gotten to talk to quite a bit. He seems very nice.), they changed the tube feeding formula to one designed for premature babies and lowered the rate, and that seems to have helped. It looks like certain positions tend to aggravate it, so they're thinking reflux and maybe some anxiety. He said she was doing well, and he helped Mom find the gospel station, so they had actually been listening to gospel together when I called. He expects that they'll see how it goes this weekend, and then hopefully will be able to continue the weaning process next week. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 29, 2022 Author Share Posted January 29, 2022 I will also say-I LOVE my studio families. Because almost every parent who comes in is asking about how mom is doing, and they are making sure that their kids are wearing masks, so I don't have to. It just makes such a difference. I had two families, both with teacher parents, choose to go remote because they've had positive students and don't want to risk exposing me. Another dad, who is an ROTC instructor, said one good thing about his job is that his students wear masks (and, for that matter, are vaccinated) and there's no question about it :). These aren't just my long term families, either-my new ones are just as concerned and making sure that their kids take precautions. 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted January 29, 2022 Share Posted January 29, 2022 10 hours ago, Dmmetler said: I will also say-I LOVE my studio families. Because almost every parent who comes in is asking about how mom is doing, and they are making sure that their kids are wearing masks, so I don't have to. It just makes such a difference. I had two families, both with teacher parents, choose to go remote because they've had positive students and don't want to risk exposing me. Another dad, who is an ROTC instructor, said one good thing about his job is that his students wear masks (and, for that matter, are vaccinated) and there's no question about it :). These aren't just my long term families, either-my new ones are just as concerned and making sure that their kids take precautions. So glad for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 29, 2022 Author Share Posted January 29, 2022 1 hour ago, TexasProud said: So glad for you. This has been such a big source of anxiety since the mandate was forced to be lifted at the state level. I've had to change my impressions of so many people. To have the general response be "of course, we'll mask up to protect your parents-and we put them on the prayer list at church, too!" has made such an emotional difference. 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 30, 2022 Author Share Posted January 30, 2022 Mom generally is doing well today. She emailed dad and I this morning, and is feeling more herself again. She says remembering to breathe slowly is hard. Dad's a bit depressed. I'm really hoping they decide to allow visitation again-they're supposed to reevaluate after they see what numbers look like this weekend. ---that's the public update. We drove down to the hospital to try to drop off cards, but they were too busy to send someone to get them. Which feels like a failure. We can't visit, and apparently the times that I can get there don't work for them. I have no clue how I'm going to make it work if they do reopen visitation with my work schedule. Apparently my brother is having a really hard time, and SIL wants to know what I think she should do about it. Uh, you've been married to him for 15 years....figure it out! I can well believe that he's struggling-my brother is a very, very smart person who would probably qualify for an ASD DX-it takes him a long time to process emotionally, so it's probably really hitting him now. But at the same time, I don't know what she thinks I can do. More and more, it feels like everyone needs me to step into Mom's shoes and I can't do it. She's an extremely extroverted, center of everything, runs the show sort of person, the kind who non-profits and churches couldn't live without, who is everyone's shoulder to lean on. Me...I'm an extremely introverted person with dyspraxia and multiple health issues, who sleeps a lot, gets along better with kids than adults and lets music do the talking for me. I can't do it all. Right now I don't feel that I can do any of it. 4 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Sending hugs your way! You are doing a great job. I guess it's time to be honest and just tell everyone you are totally overwhelmed yourself and about to crawl into a cave. Your dad sounds like he is not well yet. It's a long slog for a concussion to heal. You can only do so much. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 It's so hard to be thrust into a position that doesn't suit your natural talents and for everyone to expect you to be able to seamlessly slide in. You let them figure out how to deal with the situation. Take care of you as much as you can! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 30, 2022 Author Share Posted January 30, 2022 Mom's night nurse for the next 5 nights is a self described Baptist Church lady named Arlene (which was her mother's name) who noticed her cross and prayer quilt and was talking to her about them 🙂 .Arlene says she's doing well. Definitely a "Hallelujah" moment 🙂 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 31, 2022 Author Share Posted January 31, 2022 Mom's doing well. They did a 12 hour ventilator trial today, and she did well through it, so she's progressing again. Apparently she and Arlene were listening to Christian radio on her Kindle at 4:00 in the morning, so she now has a couple of local stations bookmarked. They are reevaluating COVID policies this coming week, so hopefully we'll be able to have Dad visit before he goes back to VA. 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 31, 2022 Author Share Posted January 31, 2022 After some phone calling, there is no rehab in my parents' community that can take Mom as long as she requires a trach. Home health care may be an option, but skilled nursing is very limited. Charlottesville, which is an hour away over a mountain, is the closest option, which isn't ideal, to say the least. It may end up being better for her to stay here, where I am, or go to Richmond, where my brother is. A kind of down day, to say the least. So, we're really, really hoping the ventilator weaning gets to the point that she doesn't need to keep the trach. On another note, I did some errands yesterday and picked up some dollhouse furniture and a house shelf box to customize. They aren't the same scale as the castle, but should provide some of the same stress relief. I primed them this morning for future customization. I may have to find a charity auction or something to donate things to.... 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 31, 2022 Share Posted January 31, 2022 Sending your mom healing vibes that she can get trach-free. 💕 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 1, 2022 Author Share Posted February 1, 2022 According to the nurse, Mom’s doing pretty well, but is a bit lonely. The good news is, visitation comes back tomorrow, so Dad will be able to see her 🙂. That should make them both much happier. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 7 minutes ago, Dmmetler said: According to the nurse, Mom’s doing pretty well, but is a bit lonely. The good news is, visitation comes back tomorrow, so Dad will be able to see her 🙂. That should make them both much happier. I hope the visit is a good one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 1, 2022 Author Share Posted February 1, 2022 It might not be a "no"-Harrisonburg Health and Rehab is willing to look at the case file and see if they can meet mom's needs, so we're passing that off to her case manager to see if it might be an option when she's ready to step down to rehab. After a long list of "no" and "we don't provide that level of skilled care" to have someone say that they explicitly do skilled nursing, accident recovery, and respiratory care feels like a major weight has been lifted. I suspect that we've been looking at retirement/long term vs rehab and that might make the difference. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 1, 2022 Author Share Posted February 1, 2022 Mom just sent an e-mail-she walked to the sink and back with a walker 🙂. she seems very proud of herself! 24 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 43 minutes ago, Dmmetler said: Mom just sent an e-mail-she walked to the sink and back with a walker 🙂. she seems very proud of herself! Wow, it's been amazing reading about her slow and steady progress. She seems very determined to get better and has been through a lot. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 1, 2022 Author Share Posted February 1, 2022 I'm going to vent a little. If someone has been posting, frustrated, that various highly regarded retirement/senior community places cannot meet their parent's needs and have not even given other possibilities beyond the list of licensed care homes from the state website, and said person posts that they have found a rehab that doesn't promise, but is at least willing to consider the possibility, Maybe, just maybe, it's not time to post "I've heard great things about (places that, even based on the website, do not provide skilled care and rehab)". Yeah, so have I. Yeah, it would be great if she's healthy enough to go there. But it's looking like before she is to the point that assisted living would be an option, she needs to get a lot farther on, and that likely means rehab after leaving the hospital. If this place is competent (and I have a disability specializing lawyer brother. If it isn't, he'll be able to find out, plus it won't even be an option unless the case manager here thinks it is after going through their process), and safe, yeah, it's a contender. Because the only other options seem to be at least an hour drive over a mountain from their home. And my dad is recovering from a concussion and, the last time he drove had a major interstate accident. I cannot see him being emotionally ready to drive an hour plus each way to visit. And while she could potentially go to rehab here and he can stay with us indefinitely, he wants to go home. More than a want, he needs to go home. The same applies with her going to rehab in Richmond. My brother and SIL are there, but they don't even have a guest room for Dad to move into, so he'd be looking at either being 3+ hours away, or living in a hotel or Air B&B or something. Furthermore, I don't think many of my mom's church group and friends, mostly also elderly, are going to drive an hour over a mountain. And I think BOTH my parents need their local friends and support group. I don't think the folks sitting in VA realize just how isolating this is for both of them, and that one adult daughter does not make up for that. So, is it too much to ask for people to at least let me breathe a little before you start pointing out that "Sunnyside is a lot nicer"-when Sunnyside (And Bridgewter, and Bellevie, and VMRC, and, and, and) have all said they cannot handle post accident rehab? We're not going to put mom anywhere that doesn't meet her needs and isn't decent. But please, let me have a win. Even if it's temporary, even if it doesn't work. I need that hope. Dad needs that hope. Mom needs that hope. 1 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 @Dmmetler hugs. You are doing a great job. ❤️ 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 On 1/29/2022 at 7:35 PM, Dmmetler said: More and more, it feels like everyone needs me to step into Mom's shoes and I can't do it. She's an extremely extroverted, center of everything, runs the show sort of person, the kind who non-profits and churches couldn't live without, who is everyone's shoulder to lean on. Me...I'm an extremely introverted person with dyspraxia and multiple health issues, who sleeps a lot, gets along better with kids than adults and lets music do the talking for me. I can't do it all. Right now I don't feel that I can do any of it. You are doing a good job! I hope you can find a way to let them know your skill set is different. They probably aren't thinking introvert/extrovert, but simply trust you. It's okay to tell them it's wearing on you and that they need to find a way to emotionally deal with this themselves. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 Sending lots of big hugs. It's overwhelming, but you're doing great. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 On 1/30/2022 at 9:35 PM, Dmmetler said: Mom's doing well. They did a 12 hour ventilator trial today, and she did well through it, so she's progressing again. Apparently she and Arlene were listening to Christian radio on her Kindle at 4:00 in the morning, so she now has a couple of local stations bookmarked. They are reevaluating COVID policies this coming week, so hopefully we'll be able to have Dad visit before he goes back to VA. So glad to read the progress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 Vent away, and let the comments of armchair cowboys roll off of your back. All y'all are in for a very long haul and it's going to continue to be a roller coaster of ups and downs, even as things gradually improve. Don't let others put burdens on your back that you don't need to carry. If you need to be blunt with SIL, I would say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry he's not doing well. He's probably just now processing how deep and wide the implications of this accident are. I wish I could be emotionally supportive for him right now, but I cannot take the weight of his grief on myself right now because I am drowning myself. I wish I could, but I can't." It is absolutely ok that you can't be all things to all people right now. Hugs! 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted February 1, 2022 Share Posted February 1, 2022 Gentle hugs, @Dmmetler. It's a hard road you're walking, but you're doing a great job. Most people mean well, they just don't know what they don't know. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 You are doing great. It is a hard path to navigate. In case it helps, one note regarding care after the hospital. In MN, they are called TCU (Transitional Care Units) where patients go for rehab. On Medicaid they allow 100 days in rehab. I hope all the additional people chiming in can just let you make decisions with/for your family. Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 Vent away, and know that we are your cheerleaders! You are doing and amazing job! Everyone who says otherwise can go pound sand. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 2, 2022 Author Share Posted February 2, 2022 (edited) Mom and Dad had a great visit tonight. She looks much, much better and healthier than she did when she moved out of ICU, is happily carrying on conversations by typing on her Kindle, and enjoyed reading notes and cards. She's working on breathing slower and deeper. It's really good to hear. (Since I teach evenings, I won't get to go in until this weekend). I've told my dad we'll get him there tomorrow. It may be by Uber, but we'll make it work. It would be so much easier if mom wasn't in therapy until right about the start of my teaching day, and if visitation didn't end when I'm still teaching beginning piano students. Edited February 2, 2022 by Dmmetler 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 I'm glad your Dad was finally able to visit her again. It probably did both of them a world of good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 2, 2022 Author Share Posted February 2, 2022 And, in another plus, a retired nurse (wife of one of my dad's long-time colleagues) has offered to make some calls about rehab options. As she put it, she knows people everywhere, so she might as well put it to use. Which takes a big load off me. 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 3 hours ago, Dmmetler said: And, in another plus, a retired nurse (wife of one of my dad's long-time colleagues) has offered to make some calls about rehab options. As she put it, she knows people everywhere, so she might as well put it to use. Which takes a big load off me. What a wonderful gift! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 2, 2022 Author Share Posted February 2, 2022 My dad is going to try to use Uber to get down to the hospital, and then DH can go pick him up after work. That will let them spend more time together, and avoid conflicts with my work schedule. Since he literally has never owned a cell phone, this is a big change, to say the least 🙂 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 2, 2022 Share Posted February 2, 2022 5 hours ago, Dmmetler said: And, in another plus, a retired nurse (wife of one of my dad's long-time colleagues) has offered to make some calls about rehab options. As she put it, she knows people everywhere, so she might as well put it to use. Which takes a big load off me. That's fantastic! 1 hour ago, Dmmetler said: My dad is going to try to use Uber to get down to the hospital, and then DH can go pick him up after work. That will let them spend more time together, and avoid conflicts with my work schedule. Since he literally has never owned a cell phone, this is a big change, to say the least 🙂 Fingers crossed that all goes smoothly for your dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 2, 2022 Author Share Posted February 2, 2022 Sigh..Uber never takes this long to find a driver...except apparently today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 2, 2022 Author Share Posted February 2, 2022 Based on my app, he should be there. Hopefully that will give him another tool to use. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 3, 2022 Author Share Posted February 3, 2022 Mom and Dad had another good visit. She has been sitting up quite a bit. She also got on Facebook on a new account. I'm going to see if I can get her logged into her main one on Saturday. She's doing well. She does have some irritation to her esophagus, which means they can't work on swallowing (which is needed to get her off the feeding tube and is another step). Unfortunately, we're supposed to get ice tonight. The community center I teach at is already closed for tomorrow. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 4, 2022 Author Share Posted February 4, 2022 We lost power yesterday from about 9:00 am to 5:30 this morning. Mom has posted on FB that she's OK, and we all made it through OK here, although I did end up taking L's python to bed with me to keep him warm (we'd run through the battery UPS backups for all three computers by that point running his heater and thermostat). Hoping that we'll be able to get to the hospital today, or at least get a phone update, but that depends a lot on how roads look. I imagine the trauma hospital has been a busy place. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 24 minutes ago, Dmmetler said: We lost power yesterday from about 9:00 am to 5:30 this morning. Mom has posted on FB that she's OK, and we all made it through OK here, although I did end up taking L's python to bed with me to keep him warm (we'd run through the battery UPS backups for all three computers by that point running his heater and thermostat). All I can say is that you win mom of the year award. There are many strange/difficult/unpleasant things I would do for my kids, this is not one of them! 17 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Dmmetler said: We lost power yesterday from about 9:00 am to 5:30 this morning. Mom has posted on FB that she's OK, and we all made it through OK here, although I did end up taking L's python to bed with me to keep him warm (we'd run through the battery UPS backups for all three computers by that point running his heater and thermostat). Hoping that we'll be able to get to the hospital today, or at least get a phone update, but that depends a lot on how roads look. I imagine the trauma hospital has been a busy place. I said 🥺 but I also want to say 😳. You are brave! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 Last year when we lost electricity for over 24 hours, no one took our bearded dragon to bed! We put a heavy blanket over the front of the tank as soon as we lost power to try and keep the heat in and hoped it would be enough. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 2 hours ago, Dmmetler said: I imagine the trauma hospital has been a busy place. People here were exceptionally good about staying home, so the ER where DH works was exceptionally un-busy. Very few people were on the road at all. We are lucky. I think a city north of us had some highway shut downs, but I don't know if it was an accident, or if they shut them down because they couldn't plow for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 3 hours ago, Dmmetler said: We lost power yesterday from about 9:00 am to 5:30 this morning. Mom has posted on FB that she's OK, and we all made it through OK here, although I did end up taking L's python to bed with me to keep him warm (we'd run through the battery UPS backups for all three computers by that point running his heater and thermostat). How does it work with a python in bed? Does it curl up and sleep? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 15 minutes ago, Kanin said: How does it work with a python in bed? Does it curl up and sleep? I think pythons are more of the "curl around" types, if you know what I mean. 😉 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted February 4, 2022 Share Posted February 4, 2022 2 minutes ago, SusanC said: I think pythons are more of the "curl around" types, if you know what I mean. 😉 !!!! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 4, 2022 Author Share Posted February 4, 2022 (edited) I put him in a Rubbermaid bin that we've used to transport him before, under the covers. I didn't want to risk rolling on him. He's an elderly fellow (about 30), so we didn't want to risk him getting chilled and sick. BP's are usually pretty happy with temps in the 80's and a hot spot to curl up in. It was 51 in our house when the power came on. We lost phone data for about an hour and a half. Right in the middle of Dragonology. Fortunately L managed it, and Emma was able to come in and sit in to meet the accreditation requirements. I'm back on data now... Edited February 4, 2022 by Dmmetler 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 4, 2022 Author Share Posted February 4, 2022 My Dad ismvisiting now. And I have wifi in a nearby parking lot. Yay me!!! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 4, 2022 Author Share Posted February 4, 2022 Mom is doing well and is more up on things than we are because while we still don't have Wifi or TV (and had no power until this morning, she's had all of the above 🙂. They didn't do any therapy due to the storm, so she was very awake and ready for visitors this afternoon, and roads were in good shape. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 6, 2022 Author Share Posted February 6, 2022 I went up to see Mom today-the first time I'fe been able to go since she moved out of ICU. I got her logged into her main Facebook account, so we may be seeing her there, although we couldn't get into her MSN email. She's generally doing well, although the ice storm has slowed down therapy for the last few days. She's watching a lot of Pixar movies 🙂 And, for those who sent "Send them a Meal" boxes, the packing came in very handy. We unloaded the refrigerator into them and put them on the back porch and it did a great job of keeping food cold,but not frozen. We also used some of the extra packing to help insulate Pinkie Py(thon's) tank so the UPS could keep his heat mat going longer, since it mostly had to power the thermostat. We now are back to having power, cable, and internet, so life is good 🙂. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 6, 2022 Author Share Posted February 6, 2022 Mom has been having a rough day and was coughing quite a bit and is having some nausea, so she was mostly asleep today when Dad visited. Having said that, she did manage a trial without the ventilator, so that's positive. Hopefully she will be feeling better tomorrow. It would be good for Dad to get another good visit before he goes back to Harrisonburg for a few weeks. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 6, 2022 Share Posted February 6, 2022 Hope tomorrow is a better day for your mom and that she has a good visit with your dad. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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