Anyone else regret homeschooling?

[Melissa Louise]

I homeschooled for close to 18 years. Looking back, I think I can definitely say the costs (to me) were not outweighed by the benefits (to them). 

I liked it, a lot of the time. I was dedicated to it. I was pretty good at it. 

I just think there were others things I could have been good at and dedicated to, that might have had longer term benefits to me. 

Anyone else? 

[Melissa in Australia]

I find the exact opposite  for my kids it was on the whole better for them, but I can only say this because we had lots and lots of Dyslexia.

 

 All 5 of my children have or currently are doing some tertiary education. all of them are living independently and working or studying. all seem to be very well adjusted individuals  

 it wasn't easy and we did have times of struggle while being homeschooled but it all worked out in the end

 

 

 

Oh I just read back over what you wrote. Are you meaning for yourself personally ? 

Edited September 20, 2021 by Melissa in Australia

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I find the exact opposite  for my kids it was on the whole better for them, but I can only say this because we had lots and lots of Dyslexia

 

 

 

Oh I just read back over what you wrote. Are you meaning for yourself personally ? 

Yes, it was fine for the kids. 

[Melissa in Australia]

sorry I misread first time

 Well I did do a degree while homeschooling my oldest so I did do something for me.

 on the whole I feel that I am satisfied with my life choices. I am one of those content persons. that doesn't strive for great happiness, but am happy with being content.

 I have noticed recently  (like in the last 3 years) that I have become completely addicted to gardening. it is like the only real world is gardening and everything else is just an interference . the crazier the world becomes around me the more my brain turns off and just focuses on plants

[bookbard]

Well, part of the reason I didn't homeschool for primary was so I could go back to my job . . . guess what, that didn't happen anyway. It was impossible to go back to what I was doing pre-kids, and still get them to school, take weeks off every time they picked up a bug, etc. The only people I know who have been able to do that have a husband working part time and extended family available.  I have some regrets around not homeschooling (one being that my kid with perfect teeth ended up with a mouth full of cavities from the constant school eating, treats etc) - but then covid came, and here I am! 

[Melissa Louise]

10 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

sorry I misread first time

 Well I did do a degree while homeschooling my oldest so I did do something for me.

 on the whole I feel that I am satisfied with my life choices. I am one of those content persons. that doesn't strive for great happiness, but am happy with being content.

 I have noticed recently  (like in the last 3 years) that I have become completely addicted to gardening. it is like the only real world is gardening and everything else is just an interference . the crazier the world becomes around me the more my brain turns off and just focuses on plants

If you have to have an obsession, the garden is a good one! 

[Melissa Louise]

11 minutes ago, bookbard said:

Well, part of the reason I didn't homeschool for primary was so I could go back to my job . . . guess what, that didn't happen anyway. It was impossible to go back to what I was doing pre-kids, and still get them to school, take weeks off every time they picked up a bug, etc. The only people I know who have been able to do that have a husband working part time and extended family available.  I have some regrets around not homeschooling (one being that my kid with perfect teeth ended up with a mouth full of cavities from the constant school eating, treats etc) - but then covid came, and here I am! 

It's true that parenthood can disrupt plans, even if one doesn't homeschool. 

[bookbard]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

It's true that parenthood can disrupt plans, even if one doesn't homeschool. 

Well, motherhood, don't you think? Funnily enough most men don't seem to have to change up their careers - in fact things start going a lot better for them. Certainly the case for my other half. 

[Arcadia]

DS16 did want me to go back to work since he was in elementary school because he wanted a bigger home and real estate here is as costly as Sydney. Financially we took a hit on retirement savings since bulk of whatever I earned would have gone into private schools tuition. Health was what took the biggest hit because I have always been healthier working (my mom is similar). 
 

I don’t think its outright regret since our kids won’t have done well in our local public schools. I do think that it has hit home for my husband how many times we do have to do without because we are not dual income like some of his colleagues. Where it hit hardest is buying a bigger home, paying for college, going on vacations. Also the worry whenever the economy is in recession because we are single income. The US with its crazy healthcare system still has a better safety net for unemployment than Singapore which is why we prefer here.
 

If we were to do over, I’ll probably never stop working but would just switched to a part time job schedule and employ a babysitter.  It would help mentally and health wise even if it won’t help as much financially.
 

Edited September 20, 2021 by Arcadia
Typo

[Arcadia]

1 minute ago, bookbard said:

Well, motherhood, don't you think? Funnily enough most men don't seem to have to change up their careers - in fact things start going a lot better for them. Certainly the case for my other half. 

I had a boss who is “nicer” to male subordinates with kids because he is very patriarchal in thinking and would outright say that guys need to support the family and so need to get a better pay package 🤦‍♀️

[Jean in Newcastle]

I homeschooled for me as much as for the children.  I loved it.  Especially through middle school.  High school I didn't love as much but that was mainly because I stopped doing my own thing as much in order to provide a normal(ish) transcript. 

[bookbard]

5 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

I had a boss who is “nicer” to male subordinates with kids because he is very patriarchal in thinking and would outright say that guys need to support the family and so need to get a better pay package 🤦‍♀️

Yeah, I've heard stuff like that. It is still really hard out there for women with kids, esp if you aren't high earners so can't afford extra help (babysitting etc). My job wasn't great pay but it was meaningful and I still feel sad it's gone. I can tell you where I live (semi-rural) most women I know with kids work as cleaners, because it's a job they can do that fits in with school hours. And every one of them has a degree. 

[Arcadia]

7 minutes ago, bookbard said:

. I can tell you where I live (semi-rural) most women I know with kids work as cleaners, because it's a job they can do that fits in with school hours. And every one of them has a degree. 

Hopefully with more jobs allowing remote options, women (and SAHDs) would have more choices. A friend worked as an editor from home. She hired a babysitter whenever she had to go back to the office for meetings (that was before COVID). Her husband opted for a three days office, two days home schedule. My mom worked as a permanent night shift nurse at one point in time. I have always lived in big cities and I had offers for tutoring from friends who don’t mind my kids being around (as in they drop off and pick up their kids from my home). One neighbor teaches piano during school hours to young kids. Another neighbor teaches art classes at her home. 

[Melissa Louise]

16 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I homeschooled for me as much as for the children.  I loved it.  Especially through middle school.  High school I didn't love as much but that was mainly because I stopped doing my own thing as much in order to provide a normal(ish) transcript. 

I enjoyed quite a lot of it, especially in the primary years, but I still regret it. Looking back, I can't really understand why I wanted to make my world so small.*

*Acknowledging that many people feel enlarged by their choice, and some superstars even manage to live a large life AND homeschool. 

 

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Arcadia said:

Hopefully with more jobs allowing remote options, women (and SAHDs) would have more choices. A friend worked as an editor from home. She hired a babysitter whenever she had to go back to the office for meetings (that was before COVID). Her husband opted for a three days office, two days home schedule. My mom worked as a permanent night shift nurse at one point in time. I have always lived in big cities and I had offers for tutoring from friends who don’t mind my kids being around (as in they drop off and pick up their kids from my home). One neighbor teaches piano during school hours to young kids. Another neighbor teaches art classes at her home. 

Teaching/tutoring is the default gig, I think. I know it's mine. Because it's what you've done/can do/fits in/you're experienced with. 

I really love my students. But boy, teaching was not my vocation, and it wasn't meant to be the rest of my life!

 

[Melissa Louise]

33 minutes ago, bookbard said:

Well, motherhood, don't you think? Funnily enough most men don't seem to have to change up their careers - in fact things start going a lot better for them. Certainly the case for my other half. 

Yeah, well, one of us snuck a couple of books and a PhD in there, and it wasn't me 🙁

[bookbard]

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Looking back, I can't really understand why I wanted to make my world so small.*

Could you expand on this (no pun intended!) Knowing fewer people or have less influence on the world?

[TravelingChris]

I don't regret it at all.  I thought I would have a second life as a volunteer most of the time after homeschooling.  I can hardly do any volunteering now due to my disabilities.  I am so happy to that at least I homeschooled my children and they learned more than they would have if I didn't.

[Melissa Louise]

2 minutes ago, bookbard said:

Could you expand on this (no pun intended!) Knowing fewer people or have less influence on the world?

Having less impact/influence, not stretching my skills and talents wide. 

[Melissa Louise]

2 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

I don't regret it at all.  I thought I would have a second life as a volunteer most of the time after homeschooling.  I can hardly do any volunteering now due to my disabilities.  I am so happy to that at least I homeschooled my children and they learned more than they would have if I didn't.

I am glad when people don't have regrets; however, I suspect I'm not alone - though maybe I am!

[Arcadia]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

Teaching/tutoring is the default gig, I think. I know it's mine. Because it's what you've done/can do/fits in/you're experienced with. 

I really love my students. But boy, teaching was not my vocation, and it wasn't meant to be the rest of my life!

Tutoring is definitely not my vocation but its a useful fallback for extra income. I was earning more than $1.5k per month tutoring while in college (early 90s) which was nice. I tried tutoring a class at a tutoring center while in college and realised that I do best one to one. I tried relief teaching as well and found I just don’t like classroom management. 

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Arcadia said:

Tutoring is definitely not my vocation but its a useful fallback for extra income. I was earning more than $1.5k per month tutoring while in college (early 90s) which was nice. I tried tutoring a class at a tutoring center while in college and realised that I do best one to one. I tried relief teaching as well and found I just don’t like classroom management. 

Oh definitely, I've been tutoring for 8+ years and it's very convenient, and I charge a decent rate.

Idk though, I imagine my funeral and someone gets up to give the eulogy and says 'Melissa was a very effective tutor!' and that honestly feels a bit sad. 

[Arcadia]

5 minutes ago, bookbard said:

Could you expand on this (no pun intended!) Knowing fewer people or have less influence on the world?

For me it was knowing fewer people. If my kids were in school, regardless of whether public or private, I would have been involved in the PTA. Since my kids are all introverts and homebodies, my social circle didn’t get bigger. Most of my social circle here are people that I got to know because their kids played with mine when they were toddlers, or their kids were my kids’ public school classmates. 

[Shoeless]

I've never really been career motivated.  I like having a job; I don't really care about a "career". My biggest dream in life was house and a family of my own. 

Homeschooling is hard and I always worry that I am failing my son. I worry that he'll regret this choice later on and be angry with it. But for me personally? It's been a dream. 

[Carrie12345]

Technically, being home has limited me, personally, as an individual, as far as outside success goes. But, as a family member, being home is what made everything work. Homeschooling made it work better.

In the years my oldest was homeschooled, it made custody/visitation a lot easier to manage. And it’s always made living with Dh’s crazy career do-able. In our location, without any family around, or even good friends nearby for a long time (nearby being kind of subjective, lol) a second career just wouldn’t have worked.

If we’re talking about *wishes... I suppose I wish I had found the time and money to work on my education “for later”. I wish we would have known about 2008, which had the biggest impact on our finances/living arrangement. I wish I’d been more consistent with therapy, lol!

Though it sounds uncomfortably anti-feminist on the surface, providing the ultimate flexibility for dh’s career has done more than my own would have. Sometimes I do struggle with not having my own “success” to point to, but not enough that I’d do it differently.

And all of it was crossing fingers and hoping for the best. It could have gone completely the other way, and that’s why I don’t go around advocating for anyone to do it my way!

[popmom]

1 hour ago, MissLemon said:

I've never really been career motivated.  I like having a job; I don't really care about a "career". My biggest dream in life was house and a family of my own. 

Homeschooling is hard and I always worry that I am failing my son. I worry that he'll regret this choice later on and be angry with it. But for me personally? It's been a dream. 

I had these same worries, but 3 out of my 4 are adults. They are glad they were homeschooled. I knew my kids. Not all kids will appreciate it. There were times when a couple of mine really wanted to go to public school. But now I have one who has launched into a very successful career, one who is killing it in grad school (doctorate), one who is an undergraduate, one who is still at home… homeschooling isn’t a panacea, but I have zero regrets. I never had any desire to accomplish whatever it is that society says makes a woman a “success”. I just wanted to experience mothering and teaching my kids. I admire women who have successful careers. I hope my daughters will have that. And I’ll help them achieve that in any way I can if that is what is life giving for them. 
 

I have plans for retirement. 🙂 I’m passionate about teaching. Of course my degree was in education. I plan to work with underprivileged youth in rural areas to improve literacy. I’ve been researching this for years. My BIL worked with Americore for several years before retirement—with at risk teens. IHe worked in the poorest counties in my state. He is my inspiration. I’m really excited about what the future holds for me. 
 

ive definitely had moments of doubt. LOTS OF MOMENTS OF DOUBT. lol but I am content at this stage of life.

[Laura Corin]

For my personal circumstances - where we were living when the kids were small there wasn't really a choice.  They could join

• a school in the local language which they weren't fluent in - with classes of fifty students and a very rigid regime, or
• an English language missionary school that did not teach evolution and where - from the experience of a non-missionary friend - they would be excluded socially because we were neither missionaries nor church goers.

Subsidiary benefits for them: one was 2E and was switched off school already at 6.  The other had a stutter that - we were later told by a speech therapist - we gave the best possible chance to resolve (as it did) by limiting social contact to sympathetic groups.

For me?  I really loved it.  And I put them into school as soon it was the best thing for them, when they were 13 and 10 respectively and we had settled into Scotland.  That gave me time to restart my career. 

I think I should have spoken up earlier in my marriage (pre-kids) about prioritising my career more, but I don't regret the HE years.  I think both kids are ambivalent about having been home educated, but they understand why we did it when we did.

[teachermom2834]

Not regret, exactly, but close enough to understand where you are coming from.

We don’t have extended family help so I never understood how we could have given our kids what we wanted them to have just in basic terms like being able to play a sport/have someone there for school plays, etc. Dh’s career wouldn’t have allowed him to be present for stuff so it would have been 100% on me. What kind of career could I have had with that?  The dual income families I know have grandparents doing the after school running and in school volunteering. 

The kids have done well but I have no evidence they wouldn’t have done just as well in school. I know lots of amazing kids and young adults who were not homeschooled. At one time it felt so important and critical and it just doesn’t feel that way in hindsight. But it wasn’t just homeschooling that kept me home. Even if they went to school it just seemed they needed a parent (or parental substitute) available.

I do just wonder what I could have done or been? I’m not discontent for someone to say I was just mom. But I do wonder what I could have been. I see women or men who are successful and have good careers and I do sometimes think to myself that I am just as smart and competent as those people. What might I have been capable of? 
 

Edited September 20, 2021 by teachermom2834

[SlowRiver]

I can't say I have overall. A lot of what counts for career success doesn't seem all that compelling to me. I was at a social event yesterday with a bunch of people who were very focused on, and genuinely passionate about, their IT careers. I couldn't relate to the stuff they were talking about at all, most of it seemed completely arbitrary and fairly meaningless.  I have friends in academia which might have been more of a fit for me, but what I see there doesn't make me wish I'd gone in that direction, at all.  The same for the literary world, ugh. So any dreams about what that would have been like, I'm just not sure would have been what I really found. I can't go into politics as I have too many controversial opinions.

I also did at various points put my kids in school. My son so far has done well in a tiny rural elementary school, but my daughters both struggled in middle school socially, and the education was complete crap. For one of them it was actually a disaster and while maintaining high marks she was bullied and sucked into every new idea she learned at school, be it self-harming, supposed tourettes syndrome (which she really doesn't have,) gender confusion, whatever. Having other adults, supposedly people with authority and some clue, support these ideas was not helpful. So - all in all, I wish I hadn't put the girls in, and I may well take my son out once he will have to change schools.

Personally, I've managed to maintain good connections with extended family, I've supported my kids and also the kids of others in my community. I did some satisfying work in literacy as my kids got older. I'm involved in a few community organisations some of which do important work. Just lately I've put my toe back into work that I trained for back in my 20s, and I might go farther with that, or I might spend more time helping my husband with the business he is starting. I have a personal goal of providing a good portion of out vegetable food for the warm months, which so far I haven't met. 

[LMD]

4 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

Yeah, well, one of us snuck a couple of books and a PhD in there, and it wasn't me 🙁

Hugs

Yeah, that kind of disparity, where one party is the sacrificing for family one, and one party is soaring all for themselves, that's hurtful.

What do/did you want to do?

I don't regret it, but I'm starting to see that pouring oneself out to empty,  for children who may well - at best - not thank you, might sting... a lot.

[Momto6inIN]

I fully believe that a small life, fully invested in the people given to me by God, has a bigger cumulative impact than a larger life whose investment in people is more "spread out" if you will.

Don't doubt your impact.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My moM was one of the original homeschool pioneers back in the day.  Helped fight for homeschooling laws and legality; was willing to go underground in the 80s.  She homeschooled from 1986 to 2018.  My mom was a True Believer.

And now she regrets it.  She bought hook, line and sinker into the “homeschooling will keep your family close and religious” and “homeschooling produces better adults” lines that were fed religiously in the 1980s up through probably 2010 era. Now she doesn’t really recommend homeschooling.  The only one of her eight children who homeschools is estranged; the rest of us utilize public school, though we all homeschooled last year.  

Probably it did give us a better education; but homeschooling was certainly not the best thing for my mom.  Had she had fewer children or a husband who didn’t travel, she could have stayed working part time as an RN and that might have helped.  As it was, she basically sacrificed her entire adult life to homeschool.  It really wasn’t worth it.

(I do think if she’d been able to launch her kids and then pursue something such as travel or hobbies she might have felt different.  As it was, my youngest sister’s graduation coincided with my grandparents both needing almost 24/7 help, and since Covid there are no in home caretakers or open nursing home beds for my now bed bound, total lift grandmother.  So my mom is back in full time caretaking instead of being able to enjoy child free life.)

Edited September 20, 2021 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[Carrie12345]

1 minute ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

She bought hook, line and sinker into the “homeschooling will keep your family close and religious” and “homeschooling produces better adults” lines

I do think those kinds of expectations can lead to serious regret in the end.  I AM glad to have been the primary influence for so long, and I AM glad to have provided an extended childhood of sorts... but my grown kids are just regular, run of the mill people. Thank goodness, lol!

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

2 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

I do think those kinds of expectations can lead to serious regret in the end.  I AM glad to have been the primary influence for so long, and I AM glad to have provided an extended childhood of sorts... but my grown kids are just regular, run of the mill people. Thank goodness, lol!

It was everywhere in the 1980s and 1990s. The homeschooling world I grew up in was so different from today lol.

All of my siblings except one who is disabled have moved 5-20 hours away and most of us are not particularly close. My mom has four grandchildren she’s never met, two because of estrangement and two because of distance.  It’s definitely not how she thought homeschooling would turn out.  All of us that chose to go to college have been academically successful and have advanced degrees, so it was something that was good for us.  But I don’t think it was worth my mom’s sacrifice; we probably would have been okay in public school too.

[Melissa Louise]

17 minutes ago, LMD said:

Hugs

Yeah, that kind of disparity, where one party is the sacrificing for family one, and one party is soaring all for themselves, that's hurtful.

What do/did you want to do?

I don't regret it, but I'm starting to see that pouring oneself out to empty,  for children who may well - at best - not thank you, might sting... a lot.

I stepped away from my writing world. Lost two decades of building up that career. It's harder than I imagined to step back in. 

 

[historically accurate]

Academically, the kids are fine; 2 out of the 3 are very glad they were/are homeschooled.

I'm wondering if it was worth the financial sacrifice as I have calculated I will be working for at least the next 2 years (!) at my part time job simply to pay off our medical debt, not to mention retirement age staring us in the face. I made more $ than DH when I had a high risk pregnancy and left my job that I just never returned to, so we've always struggled with money. 

[ktgrok]

4 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

 

Idk though, I imagine my funeral and someone gets up to give the eulogy and says 'Melissa was a very effective tutor!' and that honestly feels a bit sad. 

I have wandered graveyards and never seen a tombstone with someone's career highlights on it. Many though say beloved wife, mother, daughter, etc. Same with funerals...I've only been to a few, but the eulogies were about friendship and family connections - I'm not sure anyone would have known what the deceased even did for a living from the eulogy. 

MOST people are remembered for who they are, not their professional milestones. I mean, Einstein and Florence Nightengale excluded, lol. 

10 minutes ago, LMD said:

Hugs

Yeah, that kind of disparity, where one party is the sacrificing for family one, and one party is soaring all for themselves, that's hurtful.

 

Huh. I had to read this three times. My husband has gotten degrees and had career success, while I have puttered more than soared I guess, but I never thought of it as me sacrificing and him succeeding. He sacrifices long hours to support us as a team - I benefit hugely from his career advancement. 

But maybe I feel that way because I do look at me being home with the kids, etc as me benefitting? Like, to me that wasn't a bug it was a feature, lol. I did enjoy my job, but my job was taking care of other people's animals. Now I take care of my own animals, and my family. So, still filling that need to caretake. 

I have written several books since staying home - and as the kids get older and homeschooling more involved that has fallen by the wayside a bit. But really, that's just as much due to depression/anxiety than homeschooling. As my mood is slowly improving I hope to get back to it. But I'd never want to spend more time writing than I do with my kids....it's enjoyable but it will be there for me whenever. They won't. And really, I have books with my name on it, there is no need to prove anything else...and I suppose writing isn't the same as what you are talking about with expanding your world? Writing is a very solitary thing anyway. 

I also have found outlets outside the house...I was a local leader in ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) for a time, and an active member before and after my stint as a leader. I helped women locate resources, find information, helped them process and heal from trauma. But after a time it became more draining than fulfilling, emotionally, so I stopped. 

I've taught some dog training classes - that let me teach others and interact with animals. I've fostered animals and provided transportation, again feeding that need to care for others. 

But maybe also impacting my feelings is the cold hard economic fact that working with animals was not that lucrative, so me supporting my husband by handling all the kid and house stuff so he could pursue degrees/training/travel was more financially lucrative for us than if I had worked and he'd advanced less. I mean, sure that would be more "equal" but would mean we wouldn't be buying a bigger house, might not have been able to have so many kids, etc. I wouldn't count that a win, personally. His success is my success. It helps that HE has ALWAYS framed it that way, always been very vocal about the support I give, etc. And the reverse is true, I wouldn't have the things I want in life without him working so hard. 

3 minutes ago, Momto6inIN said:

I fully believe that a small life, fully invested in the people given to me by God, has a bigger cumulative impact than a larger life whose investment in people is more "spread out" if you will.

Don't doubt your impact.

Absolutely. People remember parents, grandparents, volunteers, friends, mentors, et. 

1 minute ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

As it was, she basically sacrificed her entire adult life to homeschool.  It really wasn’t worth it.

I think if one feels they are sacrificing something they want (career) for something they don't that would be a logical conclusion. If one doesn't feel it IS a real sacrifice in the sense that they don't feel like they are missing out by homeschooling but feel they are lucky to be doing it, it won't feel that way. It just depends. We all have different things we enjoy, or want, or fell fulfilled by. 

[Melissa Louise]

16 minutes ago, Momto6inIN said:

I fully believe that a small life, fully invested in the people given to me by God, has a bigger cumulative impact than a larger life whose investment in people is more "spread out" if you will.

Don't doubt your impact.

My kids hardly remember all the pouring out of creativity for their benefit, lol. I'm sure many people do have that impact, don't get me wrong, but I am pretty sure it wasn't as significant in our case as I thought at the time. 

I actually don't mind a small life, in some ways. It can have very happy moments. It's just, well, small. 

[TravelingChris]

I want to give more information why my choice was the best one and I will go with each of my children in turn.  For my son, he was the only one who ever went to school and that was for most of the first grade---with the school's permission, we left to travel with dh to Montgomery, AL for his military leaders course that Capts in the USAF do ((canlt remember exact name)) and took the two kids we had then and that was our first taste of homeschooling.  Well, when ds was attending school, he was having meltdown every afternoon after school because even with ADHD meds, keeping him on a rigid schedule without enough movement interspersed was just not a good thing.  He is ADHD, OD, and has bad anxiety but is super smart.  That combo did not work well for school and did not work well in college, particularly either.  He is my one kid who is a one or two classes shy of a degree.

My second couldn't spell, was severe ADHD, and had vision issues that needed lots of remediation.  Again, very smart but other issues, including the health issues she developed in her high school years, made it best for her to be at home.  She did go to college but developed a strange seizure disorder and after she fell and hit her head on a sink and then collapsed onto the almost unused college building bathroom, we went and got her spring break of freshman year and thought we would get it under control and have her finish the year.  It was not under control at all and no one figured it out for years so she finished online at Arizona state and my bad speller is has been a text editor (and much more nowadays because she is recruiting, working on proposals, etc)  for the last five years.  And yes, homeschooling and homeschool debate is what got her to the point she could excel in this.  

My third is dyslexic, inattentive ADHD, and very sensitive to sound, light, etc.  She was my sickly child too and had many medical issues.  With the amount of time she had to go to medical facilities, and especially in high school, where she became deadly allergic to citrus fruits-especially the smell of citrus- just for her health she needed to be home.  But the remarkable thing is that because I homeschooled her, I didn't rush reading.  I knew she was dyslexic long before we got her assessment in high school.  So yes, she read a little bit and copied work, etc.  But because I didn't stress or push her, when she was 10, she decided to read the first Harry Potter book.  It took her a very long time and she needed to read it three times to really get it well but she did that and has been reading regular books ever since.  Oh and I was able to give her a very good education without requiring lots of reading too.  OTOH, we have the example of my dd1's husband-he went to public school, is dyslexic, and reads as little as possible.  He believes his education was very poor and is determined that if they have kids they will be either homeschooled or go to a good private school.  He doesn't want public school because of social issues in it-----he had sexual harassment by girls when he was in middle and high school- like girls throwing tampons on him, grabbing and rubbing on him without his permission, etc, etc, etc.===He was a football player and he really did not appreciate the unwanted attention by females acting bizarely.  He wants a more controlled environment for any child he has plus much better education--oh, and I know that garbage like his stories also happen in private schools but with more staffing per student less garbage can happen if school has better standards.

[Melissa Louise]

I hope no-one thinks I'm saying homeschool is something to regret, in general. I'm still pretty pro homeschooling as a valid educational choice. 

I'm only asking about people's individual regrets, not making a larger comment. 

But so far it's just me, and Mrs Tiggy's mom 😂

[chiguirre]

I wouldn't have homeschooled if the public schools could have educated Geezle adequately, but they couldn't. After a fairly disastrous foray into the Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities, we knew we couldn't send him on to the Severe Communication Disorders classroom because they did not use ABA or RDI or any proven treatment. That isn't true today, they do a much better job than they did 15 years ago. But at the time we had no real choice and I am glad that we could give that advantage to Geezle. It's made a big difference in his life.

Trinqueta is happy that she homeschooled and that she had the opportunity to earn her AA while she was in high school. It's made it possible for her to enlist in the Navy and not get too far behind her age mates academically. She'll be able to get out at 22 with about a year left to finish her degree. I'm sure she wouldn't have had the courage to do something so radically unexpected if she'd been in the local rat race to be in the top 6% to get automatic admission to our state university.

I will have to parent GW for many more years. I do drop off and pick up and I have to be home when he is because he's too big and unpredictable to just hire a babysitter for him. Homeschooling really didn't cost me any opportunity since I was already stuck at home. It has allowed dh to focus on his career and that meant that he made partner in his firm. If we'd tried to split GW duties, I doubt that would have happened. Financially, that was definitely the best outcome we could have hoped for. It meant that we don't have to worry about retirement or taking care of the boys. 

Sometimes I think about what might have been, but given our circumstances, we've done the best we could. That's meant me having fewer career opportunities but the other four members of my family having better life prospects because of me staying home. Even for me personally, it's meant a better financial future so I can't complain.

[Melissa Louise]

I see a common theme here of more financial security, which is interesting. I definitely do not have that benefit. 

 

[Faith-manor]

I don't regret it per se. I have twinges at times about what happened to my once very budding music performance career. However, when a cardiologist tells you to take your little son home, isolate him, keep him as healthy as possible in the hopes his condition will stabilize so open heart surgery is not necessary, you do your best to make it so. And after a few years, it was obvious that if we put the kids in school and I went back to work, it was going to be a disaster because the kids really thrived homeschooling, and had become very close to the pod of families we allowed in our lives because they respected our son's health and stayed home when sick allowing them to have some outings, some friends, some birthday parties. Additionally, our schools were eliminating just about everything academically for above average students. There wasn't be going to be DE, AP, Honors, electives, etc. for them. There educations were going to wilt if we placed them in school so we forged ahead.

It was the hand life dealt us. I was making good money when it happened, but my career did not provide low cost group medical insurance and Mark's did. Given the situation, the logical choice was for his career to move forward, and I would be the one to take the hit.

Life gives you lemons.....

So, yes, just only taking into consideration, myself, I have some sadness at times. But, some of the twists and turns have been good too. Once ds was given the all clear to have a more normal life, we joined 4H, became leaders of a STEM club, and had eleven wonderful years of working with kids on a myriad of really great projects, eleven years of mentoring competitive rocketry teams, and eleven years of personal growth we might not have had otherwise if my music career had taken off. (We stayed with 4H for three years after our last child went to college, but due to changes with the local Council and programming locally, it wasn't tenable for us to continue. Otherwise, we would probably still be involved.) It ignited a passion for aerospace engineering I never knew I had, and since my last child graduated homeschooling and went to college, I have been taking college coursework related to this field. I have loved being back in college, and dh, grateful that I set aside my career for the kids, has been 100% gleefully supportive of me doing basically whatever I want in my homeschool retirement. So I have held a fine arts program director job which was really fulfilling until covid gutted it, and college classes, and some independent travel as well. I am working towards my goal of eventually being qualified to judge documentation and presentations for the International Rocketry Engineering Competition sponsored by Spaceport USA/ERSA. 

 

Edited September 20, 2021 by Faith-manor

[Melissa Louise]

I can see there would be far fewer post-homeschool regrets if it was 'your turn' to be supported in your homeschooling retirement. 

 

[sassenach]

I get what you are saying. Especially if I was just looking at young adult outcomes. For myself, I think I escaped feeling similarly by enrolling each of them in the 8th grade. It seemed like a natural stopping point each time and I never really had a drive to to put the needed work into high school. I have been in school full time since my youngest enrolled. She’s a senior and I graduate in December. It’s been a LONG   road. I’m feeling very done with being a student.

Over the summer I worked full time in my new career and immediately recognized that I would have never made it as a working mom of young kids.  While I have felt content at each stage of my life, that was a great reassurance that the road not taken wouldn’t have worked for me anyways.

 

[Momto6inIN]

40 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

My kids hardly remember all the pouring out of creativity for their benefit, lol. I'm sure many people do have that impact, don't get me wrong, but I am pretty sure it wasn't as significant in our case as I thought at the time. 

I actually don't mind a small life, in some ways. It can have very happy moments. It's just, well, small. 

I am 100% sure my kids won't remember me for any great surges of hs'ing creativity lol! But they will remember that mom was *there*. That simple fact gives them a rock solid foundation on which to build a life that in turn is probably also small but impactful to a small group of people. And so on and so forth.

Very few books written or Ted talks given have the power to change the entire course of other people's lives.

[Melissa Louise]

5 minutes ago, sassenach said:

I get what you are saying. Especially if I was just looking at young adult outcomes. For myself, I think I escaped feeling similarly by enrolling each of them in the 8th grade. It seemed like a natural stopping point each time and I never really had a drive to to put the needed work into high school. I have been in school full time since my youngest enrolled. She’s a senior and I graduate in December. It’s been a LONG   road. I’m feeling very done with being a student.

Over the summer I worked full time in my new career and immediately recognized that I would have never made it as a working mom of young kids.  While I have felt content at each stage of my life, that was a great reassurance that the road not taken wouldn’t have worked for me anyways.

 

What's your new career?

[ktgrok]

16 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

I can see there would be far fewer post-homeschool regrets if it was 'your turn' to be supported in your homeschooling retirement. 

 

Yes - I think that is true. I can't have it all right now, but I can have wonderful things now, and wonderful things later. 

And also, that feeling appreciated by one's spouse during the homeschool years - a recognition of the work put in and how that helped the spouse move forward in their own career. If I didn't feel that was acknowledge and appreciated I could see being resentful. 

Edited September 20, 2021 by ktgrok

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Momto6inIN said:

I am 100% sure my kids won't remember me for any great surges of hs'ing creativity lol! But they will remember that mom was *there*. That simple fact gives them a rock solid foundation on which to build a life that in turn is probably also small but impactful to a small group of people. And so on and so forth.

Very few books written or Ted talks given have the power to change the entire course of other people's lives.

I very much appreciate this is true for your family ❤️

It's not really for mine. 

[sassenach]

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

What's your new career?

Nursing. I was freaking exhausted this summer. Maybe if I was 10 years younger I would have been ok? Idk. I was just glad that my kids could feed, drive themselves and generally had their own lives to tend to. I find it satisfying at this stage but can see that it would have been crazy-making to have tried any earlier. (And I had my first in high school so to rewind beyond that would just mean erasing my entire adult life, lol)