Help salvage our Summer :)

[LarlaB]

I sustained a concussion in late May… And I am still incapacitated. I can do light housework and cook simple meals but need to spend the rest of my time pretty quiet and slow.  Anything even mildly challenging and I have a major cluster of symptoms that take a couple of ways to regroup from- pounding headache, dizziness, loss of appetite, ringing in ears etc.  (Unable to drive because reflexes are slow, no reading, no stores, no public spaces, no screens, no concentration games) 

I didn’t have a lot officially planned for this summer- because the kids are older- dd15 and DS11- and we were going to wing it and enjoy no structure but had a lot of plans- if that makes sense.  And now the Summer kind of sucks.  DH and I are self employed- he’s busiest over Summer and I dial back my schedule to compensate...I’ve now been off work 5.5 weeks.  He’s saddled with all the extras.  I’ve been able to get groceries delivered to at least help there...

 We are flying the kids to my parents in two weeks to spend a full week with them which is amazing. 

I need ideas of things for kids to do or me to do with them but feel so limited- cognitively and creatively.

I have a daily chore list for them (housework, cooking, yard work, including four hours of no screen time, one hour reading, 30 minutes of exercise… DD15 has friends to hang out with as they are all pretty independent and just need a ride. DD11 doesn’t have the same network simply because of age and a lot of his friends are still doing camps/classes and just super busy schedules.  

Dh gently keeps asking me to come up with ideas.  My mind is blank.  Communicating with my mom and booking the air tickets left me with a pounding headache for days. Literally.

Suggestions?

[maize]

Since you are recovering from a concussion I think it cannot be up to you to come up with ways to keep your kids occupied. 

If ds's friends are doing camps can he join one of them, maybe carpool with you covering gas costs or more?

Is your ds unhappy with just having a relaxed summer without a lot of planned activities?

[AmandaVT]

I'd let DH and your DS's know that you can't be on planning duty right now. One of my co-workers suffered a concussion in the beginning of Feb this year and it took him until June to be able to return to work part time and he will be able to do full time starting in July. 

I'd ask DH and DSs to figure out a plan. And I like the idea of DS11 maybe jumping into some summer camps if he can and if he is interested.

[Garga]

Maybe other people can come up with ideas, but.....their summer doesn’t suck.  🙂

They’re going on a week long vacation.  They have some chores to do and books to read and games to play.  I think your ds15 is completely covered because he has friends he hangs out with.

Your ds11 is trickier.  I can see where he’d be feeling at loose ends when his brother heads off to be with friends and he’s home alone.  Can he attend any of the camps?  If not, see if your dh can track down all his friends and try to schedule time with them between their camps—just half a day here and there at least.  

 

And I like the post above, that suggested you let DH and the DSs figure something out.  Your sons might be perfectly fine with just hanging around relaxing for weeks on end.  That’s exactly how my summers went.  My parents had no money and we had no family. I stayed home and read or watched tv a lot and hung out with friends from time to time.  A quiet summer isn’t a bad thing.

Edited June 27, 2019 by Garga

[Miss Tick]

At our pool I think you just need to be 10yo to go by yourself.

Is there a Y nearby with anything you could drop him off for?

Can you arrange a weekly playdate(s) for him with someone understanding of the situation? 

What about a You Pick farm - he picks, you sit in the shade.

Sign him up for swim lessons (even if he already knows the basics).

Maybe he could join Cub Scouts for at least the next 6 months. 

[SKL]

Library, swim team or similar, putting them in charge of cooking, other chores.

On another board, I saw a great summer idea for kids this age.  Let them remodel their own bedroom.

Check into availability of summer camps.  It may be too late, but it's worth a look.  There are also online summer "camp" options such as Brain Quest.

[alisoncooks]

I think it's pretty unrealistic to be expected to entertain an 11 and 15 yr old (no matter how gently asked). That's old enough to entertain oneself. 

(And if it's a matter of bored kiddos disrupting Dad while he's working, then they need to be given guidelines about when they can do so, i.e. "don't interrupt Dad from 9-11:30 and 1:30-5" or whatever.)

[WendyLady]

Nothing wrong with a quiet summer being a little bored and going to the pool a couple times a week.

I hope if it were me I’d be able to focus on my healing and let my 11 year old use that busy brain to think of things to do to occupy his time. He can come up with shopping lists for science experiments, art projects, or inventions and add the items to your shopping delivery.

Isn’t boredom the key to discovery?

Edited June 28, 2019 by WendyLady

[Pen]

Do you live in an area where your son’s could get to activities by bike or similar? And do you have a park and recreation district with summer activities?  

Would you be able to listen to light, perhaps children’s,  fiction if your ds11 read aloud to you while you rest? 

Can ds11 garden or do arts projects he figures out for himself?

how about if son(s) got a guitar(s) or ukulele(s) or similar and learned to play them this summer?

could they spend more than a week with your parents? Could your parents help get them some hobbies while there?

Could they try to start a summer pet sitting or pooper scoop-ering business together  in your neighborhood?

Edited June 28, 2019 by Pen

[Pen]

Basically a rule that they cannot bug their dad seems reasonable .  

They can probably think of things to do, and maybe some boredom would lead to creativity 

[LarlaB]

OP here...

They aren’t bugging their dad- he’s a handson guy who notices DS11 is inside and on a screen a lot.  Neither of us care if they are bored. 

I can’t drive and was looking for easy and fun things to do at home that feel special and like Summer.  Probably not communicating well. And Probably needed to whine. It doesn’t feel like Summer and I’m sad.  We have a very rigorous schoolyear schedule and I’m sad that we can’t play and do adventures when it’s finally time to play..

Im trusting it’s (hopefully) a short and temporary season that has just flattened me like a perpetual flu. 

 

[Pen]

2 minutes ago, LarlaB said:

OP here...

They aren’t bugging their dad- he’s a handson guy who notices DS11 is inside and on a screen a lot.  Neither of us care if they are bored. 

I can’t drive and was looking for easy and fun things to do at home that feel special and like Summer.  Probably not communicating well. And Probably needed to whine. It doesn’t feel like Summer and I’m sad.  We have a very rigorous schoolyear schedule and I’m sad that we can’t play and do adventures when it’s finally time to play..

Im trusting it’s (hopefully) a short and temporary season that has just flattened me like a perpetual flu. 

 

 

Summery: Get an ice cream maker and popsicle molds and let him experiment?

 

 

A salad recipe book, a pizza recipe book?

 

 

 

 I gather that answer to my question about biking or otherwise getting to anything without being driven is that’s not possible.

Do any of the 15yo s friends have little brothers around 11 who need a friend?

could he go to a sleep away camp for a week or two? 

[Pen]

I’m sorry for your concussion situation. 

 I hope it will be better soon, but it may not be.  

The more you can rest or do what you need to do now for recovery, probably the better for the longer term.  

 

[PeterPan]

4 hours ago, LarlaB said:

I sustained a concussion in late May… And I am still incapacitated.

Have you gone for cranial sacral yet?

 

4 hours ago, LarlaB said:

Dh gently keeps asking me to come up with ideas.

The male species is being a jerk. You're too sick to have the responsibility and really the kids can solve it for themselves. Personally I'd have your dh assign the yardwork every day until the kids figure out what they want to do. 

Edited June 28, 2019 by PeterPan

[LarlaB]

Yes I’m doing craniosacral every week- 4x now.  It’s helped sooo much to relieve pressure and diffuse the energy and being balance.  Still having vision and speech issues when it gets bad- and of course nasty headaches with nausea light sensitivity and ringing ears .  I saw an osteopath for injections- didn’t help.  Pursuing functional neurologist this week.  And am taking symptoms and need for rest really seriously- I don’t want to prolong the recovery if I can help...I’ve Howard so many loooooong recovery’s stories 

25 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Have you gone for cranial sacral yet?

 

The male species is being a jerk. You're too sick to have the responsibility and really the kids can solve it for themselves. Personally I'd have your dh assign the yardwork every day until the kids figure out what they want to do. 

 

Hes not being a jerk.  I can see how it sounds that way though.  😜. Has been super patient and gentle and is the most compassionate person.

 He’s overwhelmed.  Just at his limit.  and frankly should be in a near breakdown spot-  running 3 businesses that are in full speed during summer (2 RV rentals, 6 car rentals AND insurance agency) .   He did everything around the house the first 3 weeks (including DS to emergency room 3 weeks ago with testicular torsion- it’s been a $hitty summer).  And takes me to appointments.  And kids to friends houses. It’s morw than one person should manage. 

 

 

[katilac]

5 hours ago, LarlaB said:

 Dh gently keeps asking me to come up with ideas.   

I swear to God, I'm going to be on my deathbed and my dh is going to gently keep asking me to plan my own funeral, lol. 

1 hour ago, LarlaB said:

I can’t drive and was looking for easy and fun things to do at home that feel special and like Summer.  Probably not communicating well. And Probably needed to whine. It doesn’t feel like Summer and I’m sad.  We have a very rigorous schoolyear schedule and I’m sad that we can’t play and do adventures when it’s finally time to play..

You're concussed, you get to whine. Although I do think everyone should be coming up with ideas so the concussed lady doesn't have to, lol. 

Okay, no screens, so family movies are out.

You can't read . . . can you listen to audiobooks? That could be fun to do together.  

Let your sons pick some recipes to learn? You could be in the kitchen for company and advice but they would be the cooks, so simple-ish things if they have no experience, but even the younger one is at an age where he can do everything for many recipes, from prep to clean-up.  

Buy an ice cream maker and try out different flavors? 

I'd ask older son to be a good big bro and plan something every week with little bro, every Wednesday afternoon or whatever. It could be as simple as playing games or building Lego, maybe have some fun snacks. That helps out younger son, plus helps out you because you won't feel as bad about the unfun summer. 

They have all those themed coloring books now, would that be something you could do? Maybe one with the thick black lines, lol? Get some quality colored pencils and let everyone pick out their own book. 

Unless it's putting him in a gnarly mood, I'd probably give in to the fact that younger son is going to be spending a lot of time on screens. If it doesn't give you a headache to hear a lot of talking, you can ask him what games he's playing and what vids he's looking at - I haven't met too many kids who don't love to describe this in considerable detail, very little response required, lol. 

[katilac]

15 minutes ago, LarlaB said:

 He’s overwhelmed.  Just at his limit.  and frankly should be in a near breakdown spot-  running 3 businesses that are in full speed during summer (2 RV rentals, 6 car rentals AND insurance agency) .   He did everything around the house the first 3 weeks (including DS to emergency room 3 weeks ago with testicular torsion- it’s been a $hitty summer).  And takes me to appointments.  And kids to friends houses. It’s morw than one person should manage. 

It might be worth considering hiring some help for the next couple of months. You've got groceries covered; what about someone to help clean the house or mow the lawn? Maybe a friend of your 15-yr-old has a trusted older sibling with a license? You could probably hire someone for not-too-much to do some fun summer things with your younger son: bring him to the pool, the park, to summer programs at the library, whatever. 

I'd also be completely open with the parents of younger son's friends. This is what's going on at my house, for the love of God would somebody please let this kid sleep over? And include him in some weekend plans when your kids aren't at camp? I will repay the favor when no longer concussed. 

Edited June 28, 2019 by katilac

[aaplank]

My son had a very serious concussion last year and was sidelined from October-April.  Anytime that we tried to get him engaged in activity, even such as listening to books on tape, his brain would shut down.  The boredom was one of the most difficult things to manage, IMO.

I think you will just have to accept that this summer and maybe even further out, you will need to lay low.  You can't outsmart a concussion, we have to come to realize.  The more you rest, with the least amount of sensory stimulation, the better.

Having your husband and kids on board is key.  They have to research and get all the information they can so they can understand what you are going through and how that will impact your daily life.  

Even though a lot of screen time is not ideal, maybe this summer, it's okay to let them have unlimited access.  Keeping them busy with chores and making meals will also help you cope.

Give yourself grace to heal, there is light at the end of this long, disheartening tunnel.

[alisoncooks]

10 hours ago, LarlaB said:

It doesn’t feel like Summer and I’m sad.

I get this. Our school year went long (truthfully, we still have a few things to finish up) and then June was hit with some medical issues.  It feels like all we've done is go to appointments and talk to doctors and watch screens. 

If you have the funds, how about a "fun box" from Amazon each week? You could order a craft or Lego set, water balloons, weird snacks, activity books, a movie, etc -- enough stuff to keep a kiddo busy for a week. Then repeat every week or two. 

[fairfarmhand]

8 hours ago, katilac said:

It might be worth considering hiring some help for the next couple of months. You've got groceries covered; what about someone to help clean the house or mow the lawn? Maybe a friend of your 15-yr-old has a trusted older sibling with a license? You could probably hire someone for not-too-much to do some fun summer things with your younger son: bring him to the pool, the park, to summer programs at the library, whatever. 

I'd also be completely open with the parents of younger son's friends. This is what's going on at my house, for the love of God would somebody please let this kid sleep over? And include him in some weekend plans when your kids aren't at camp? I will repay the favor when no longer concussed. 

This. Please do this. I've been so surprised at how ready people are to help out. They won't think of it unless you mention it though.

[Pen]

9 hours ago, LarlaB said:

Yes I’m doing craniosacral every week- 4x now.  It’s helped sooo much to relieve pressure and diffuse the energy and being balance.  Still having vision and speech issues when it gets bad- and of course nasty headaches with nausea light sensitivity and ringing ears .  I saw an osteopath for injections- didn’t help.  Pursuing functional neurologist this week.  And am taking symptoms and need for rest really seriously- I don’t want to prolong the recovery if I can help...I’ve Howard so many loooooong recovery’s stories 

 

Hes not being a jerk.  I can see how it sounds that way though.  😜. Has been super patient and gentle and is the most compassionate person.

 He’s overwhelmed.  Just at his limit.  and frankly should be in a near breakdown spot-  running 3 businesses that are in full speed during summer (2 RV rentals, 6 car rentals AND insurance agency) .   He did everything around the house the first 3 weeks (including DS to emergency room 3 weeks ago with testicular torsion- it’s been a $hitty summer).  And takes me to appointments.  And kids to friends houses. It’s morw than one person should manage. 

 

 

 

Can everyone just chill out about dc summer activities then?

Let it be okay if Ds is doing things online more than ideal?

[Pen]

 

8 hours ago, katilac said:

I'd also be completely open with the parents of younger son's friends. This is what's going on at my house, for the love of God would somebody please let this kid sleep over? And include him in some weekend plans when your kids aren't at camp? I will repay the favor when no longer concussed. 

 

Hiring and supervising people etc is a lot of mental work. Likely itself more than you can do now. 

But if there’s one person good at co ordinating — your friend, someone from a local church, a relative, a parent of a dc friend - someone who could perhaps get the word out about this to several parents of compatible 11 ish yo kids,  then maybe you could just explain it *once*. 

[Meriwether]

Do you have a backyard? Maybe he could set up a campsite.

Could he make an awesome Rube Goldberg machine?

Would he want to volunteer somewhere? With a VBS or animal shelter or something like that?

[Sherry in OH]

Ideas for your dh and sons to research:

• Vacation Bible School - one week, half-day either mornings or evenings.  Usually a few games, a Bible story or two, crafts, and a snack.  Your 11 year old could attend.  If there are many churches in your area, 11 year old could attend multiple weeks.  
• Free lunches at library or local schools 
• Library summer reading program activities
• Parks and rec activities
• Day camps
• Minimum age for unaccompanied minors at the city pool and minimum age for accompanying a minor.  Also look at per-day admission prices versus season pass
• Morning movies
• Closest ice cream shop
• Other events/activities in your local area that interest one or both of your children

Can your children get themselves to any of these places?  Give your children cell phones and pay the older child to walk or ride bike with the younger one.  

For more distant options: if you attend a church, your dh or older son should contact your church and ask for help finding someone willing to drive your children to the events.  There might be a parent or grandparent already going to pool on a daily basis who would be willing to provide transportation and supervision.  Or an older teen willing to help out in exchange for you paying his/her gas and admission charges. If your family doesn't attend church, your dh could ask your sons' friends parents or post a request to a local online group.

Things they can do at home:

• Hobbies or crafts - model cars, model planes, gaming miniatures, robotics, knitting, drawing, painting, ...  If your dh can not take the children to the store on the weekend, allow them to order kits online
• LEGO - get some technic kits
• Fly a drone or remote control helicopter
• Camp in the backyard
• Have backyard cookouts or marshmallow roasts
• Wash the car 
• If your house is relatively soundproof - squirt gun or NERF battles
• Put up a bird feeder and keep track of which birds visit
• Add Alka-Seltzer, Mentos, Diet Coke, and marshmallows to your shopping list.  Send youngest outside to build rockets and marshmallow shooters.  He can find plans online or in science activity books

 

[theelfqueen]

Would youngest be interested in some projects? Order some eurkea crates? Some model rockets? A camera and a book on making stop motion Lego videos?  Could he take some tennis lessons or something similar - outdoorsy, fun? 

I love the ice cream maker suggestion...  we have a cuisinart one where you freeze the bowl and the Ben and Jerry's cookbook. 

Buy all the water balloons and water guns and invite kids over for water fights? We have a giant tub of nerf guns and darts - battles ensue. 

 

[SanDiegoMom]

Papercraft? There is a really cool site that has awesome templates for video game characters that you can print out and create.  We have an incredible Breath of the Wild Link that he worked on for hours.... except of course he got tired of it and it's sitting missing his head.  For the past year. 

Is he into codes and ciphers? There are a lot of good books about making and breaking codes. 

Programming? Practice Python has a lot of fun challenges.

Puzzles? Jigsaw puzzles are great to have lying around for people to wander by and work on. Crossword puzzles? Eric Berlin has a website that you can get one free puzzle a week -- they are aimed towards kids and they are really quite good.  My son and I did them for about two years -- ages 10-12. 

Does DS have gaming friends? My son used to facetime while playing Minecraft or other shared games with his friend.  

Second Eureka Crates.  They are well made.

[LarlaB]

8 hours ago, aaplank said:

My son had a very serious concussion last year and was sidelined from October-April.  Anytime that we tried to get him engaged in activity, even such as listening to books on tape, his brain would shut down.  The boredom was one of the most difficult things to manage, IMO.

I think you will just have to accept that this summer and maybe even further out, you will need to lay low.  You can't outsmart a concussion, we have to come to realize.  The more you rest, with the least amount of sensory stimulation, the better.

Having your husband and kids on board is key.  They have to research and get all the information they can so they can understand what you are going through and how that will impact your daily life.  

Even though a lot of screen time is not ideal, maybe this summer, it's okay to let them have unlimited access.  Keeping them busy with chores and making meals will also help you cope.

Give yourself grace to heal, there is light at the end of this long, disheartening tunnel.

 

OP again.  This made me cry.   I have been trying to outsmart it and keep ending up miserable and discouraged. Even audiobooks and focused listened (phone calls are almost impossible) are overwhelming.  I have light  tv shows playing on my chrome book during the day with dimmed and night vision screen. That’s how I pass a lot of time.  

Dh and I talked last night and agreed that a boring summer of screens isn’t ideal but won’t ruin our family or our kids. DS attitude is a bit snarky with a lot of screens so that’s what prompted DHs comment.

[LarlaB]

10 hours ago, katilac said:

 

I'd also be completely open with the parents of younger son's friends. This is what's going on at my house, for the love of God would somebody please let this kid sleep over? And include him in some weekend plans when your kids aren't at camp? I will repay the favor when no longer concussed. 

 

Dh told DS11 best friends parents and found out the mom had a concussion/mTBI 5 years ago and is only 85% recovered - she has 3 younger kids too.  That’s explains soooooo much about why they don’t reciprocate much and her personality. Shes struggling.  So we have her son over here for play dates. She schedules her kids to the max - very opposite of our household.

There is youth group 1x a week for DS, and he does have neighborhood friends to play basketball with sometimes and walks to the pool when he wants.  And Xbox chat is his lifeline.  Thats soooo much more than I ever had as a kid. 

My oldest is a DD so her activities and interests are very different from DS. Some people keep referring to both boys.  

I see that I needed to whine, be validated and get perspective.   

 

[maize]

I think screens for a season is fine.

It's also fine to make the screens off limits and let the kid find other ways to entertain himself.

[Pen]

8 hours ago, LarlaB said:

 

Dh told DS11 best friends parents and found out the mom had a concussion/mTBI 5 years ago and is only 85% recovered - she has 3 younger kids too.  That’s explains soooooo much about why they don’t reciprocate much and her personality. Shes struggling.  So we have her son over here for play dates. She schedules her kids to the max - very opposite of our household.

 

Interesting discovery.  I too am a brain injury survivor and it still affects me as well.  

Quote

 

There is youth group 1x a week for DS, and he does have neighborhood friends to play basketball with sometimes and walks to the pool when he wants.  And Xbox chat is his lifeline.  Thats soooo much more than I ever had as a kid. 

 

That is a lot!!!  Excellent.

 

  He’s fine.  Really.  He may even remember it as a great summer.

 

Relax. Rest. Recover.  

 

Quote

My oldest is a DD so her activities and interests are very different from DS. Some people keep referring to both boys.  

 

I referred to son (s) but things mentioned by me like gardening, cooking, making ice cream, musical instrument, business — aren’t male or female exclusive activities. 

Quote

I see that I needed to whine, be validated and get perspective.   

 

 

👍

Edited June 28, 2019 by Pen

[aaplank]

8 hours ago, LarlaB said:

 

OP again.  This made me cry.   I have been trying to outsmart it and keep ending up miserable and discouraged. Even audiobooks and focused listened (phone calls are almost impossible) are overwhelming.  I have light  tv shows playing on my chrome book during the day with dimmed and night vision screen. That’s how I pass a lot of time.  

Dh and I talked last night and agreed that a boring summer of screens isn’t ideal but won’t ruin our family or our kids. DS attitude is a bit snarky with a lot of screens so that’s what prompted DHs comment.

 

I'm so glad that you and Dh were able to talk and be on the same page.  I'm sending prayers your way, my heart goes out to you.

[Forget-Me-Not]

If he’s going to be on the computer anyway, why not a coding or a website building project? Khan Academy has some good intro stuff for free and there are lots of online services geared toward teaching kids to code.  Maybe a good opportunity to learn to type, too, if he doesn’t know how already. 

[PeterPan]

Do you have a day camp like the Y he could go to? My ds isn't the best on a lot of screens either. Our Y will get kids in for about $100 a week and they feed them lunch.

Can he do something like a Vacation Stations (BJU) grade leveled workbook for the summer? Go to work with his father and push a broom at those myriad businesses? My ds is 10 and when my dh takes him sometimes he'll just have him push a broom for a while, something straightforward to keep him out of trouble.

[DawnM]

Any chance of convincing the kids that they should start their new school year online or with workbooks and do it through the summer so you can have real break (aka: Summer like) when you are up to it?  My kid jumped at those chances when we were homeschooling.  They much preferred going on vacation when the rest of the world had gone back to school.   September is perfect for the beach or pool when it is less crowded.  Disney or a destination vacation off season in October would be ideal.

I would see if you could bribe them to not have a traditional summer and do it later when you feel up to it.

[KungFuPanda]

It sounds like your kids are a bit old for kiddy camps and being cared for and entertained every minute. They’re at the age where a summer job would be appropriate AND your DH needs help at work. Is there nothing he can train them to do? Can they step up and learn to cook and run the house this summer? It sounds like there is tons to do right in your house. 

[theelfqueen]

My rising 9th grader is attending two "teen college" camps at our community college this summer. One is a forensic science camp, and one is a 3d game coding camp. They have lots of offerings for the 12-15 set. He decided not to go to scout camp this summer and we try to make sure he has things he is excited about in summer. 

I mentioned Tinker or Eureka crates earlier ... they're having a sale plus use code "extra15" for an additional 15% off.