Boys and girls

[Scarlett]

Anyone have a young adult who appears to like a girl.....and she appears to like him....and they spend a lot of time together, but both say they are just friends?  

It is an odd situation honestly.  She is on her way over to swim.  She texts me a lot and asks for my opinion....but she has an unreliable mother so sometimes I think she just needs a friend.  

All I know is I am working very hard to say nothing even remotely negative.  I well remember how horrible my MIL treated me.....and I will not be that person.  Just feels weird to be in this stage of life.  

[hippiemamato3]

Yeah it's odd. Be friendly and welcoming, but try not to get too invested!

[regentrude]

23 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Anyone have a young adult who appears to like a girl.....and she appears to like him....and they spend a lot of time together, but both say they are just friends?  

Yes. I find this completely normal.

DD was very close friends, but really just friends, with a young man for two years. Then they started dating and are now a couple.

DS had been just friends with a girl for several years before she became his girlfriend.

I have been just friends, sometimes for years, with all men who later became my boyfriends/husband. And I have been just friends with guys who stayed "just friends" for life.

[Barb_]

And then they become a couple and you become attached to her and then after a while someone breaks it off and your heart is broken, but you can’t let on there either. 

[Kassia]

My ds just started dating a girl he was best friends with for almost 5 years but he did have a girlfriend for the first 3 years of their friendship.  

ETA:  They even traveled together (although not alone) and spent hours on the phone together.  But they really were just friends.

 

[SKL]

Yes, and I wish other adults would stop ooh-ing about the "cute boy" bla bla bla.  Let them be friends without all the "romance" stuff.  What will be will be.  ?

[Scarlett]

I do believe they are friends.  And they do get teased a lot but not by me. 

[Annie G]

Most of my close friends in junior high and high school were guys. We had a lot in common and they didn’t bring drama like teen girls did. I did end up dating a couple but both times we mutually agreed friendship was better and we stayed friends for years after high school. For a few years my best guy friend and I were teased about being a couple but we just ignored it. 

Ds has a best friend who is a girl. Through the years sometimes he had a crush on her and sometimes she’s had a crush on him but through it lol they’ve remained friends. 

[regentrude]

13 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

I think when they are the ages that your boys are, it’s not common for it to be JUST friends, on all sides.  Not because I don’t believe that boys and girls can’t be just friends, but because I think those ages are confusing for them to sort out their feelings and to differentiate.  

Can't agree. At 18, most of my friends were male, and none of us had any confusion. I think this prevailing myth gives teens too little credit.

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest dd is currently 24 and has always had a lot of male friends as part of her wider circle of friends.  Sometimes they would date within the group but mostly they were just friends, with no confusion about it.

If I remember correctly, you don't allow dating right?   Do you think they are saying "just friends" because they know you don't agree with dating at their age?

[SKL]

I personally didn't have male "just friends" coming to my house to hang out in my teens, but some of my siblings did have close friends of the opposite sex who were not romantic interests.  For example, my sister and a good friend went to the prom though she was dating a college student (whom she married).  My brother had sleep-overs including both male and female friends, with whom he was not romantically involved.

[Scarlett]

14 minutes ago, Where's Toto? said:

My oldest dd is currently 24 and has always had a lot of male friends as part of her wider circle of friends.  Sometimes they would date within the group but mostly they were just friends, with no confusion about it.

If I remember correctly, you don't allow dating right?   Do you think they are saying "just friends" because they know you don't agree with dating at their age?

You remember incorrectly. He is an adult and can do as he pleases. 

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Just for the record, it’s not that I think males and females can’t be friends and only friends. 

I mean that at the ages of 17, 18, etc, the feelings and impulses are confusing and hard to figure out.  Males and females that age are still maturing, still working out what various feelings mean.  And I think this makes ALL relationships more complicated as a result. 

I agree. 

[Annie G]

16 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

 

“I did end up dating”

”sometimes they would date within the group.”

thats exactly what I am talking about.  

True. In my case we dated for 2-3 weeks and went back to being friends.  I don’t think there was confusion. We were really good friends and wanted to see if taking the next step would work. Dh is my best friend. We started as friends- we had mutual friends and were friends for a few years before we fell in love. Sometimes good friendships progress to romance and sometimes it’s better to just remain friends.  

[Annie G]

17 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Everything you are saying in this post is basically exactly what I mean.  Sometimes good friendships progress to romance. Sometimes not. Sometimes you try dating, sometimes not.  IMO, that is exactly the confusion I mean.  You might call it something different but I think we are taking about the same thing.  

You’re right- we are saying the same thing, but I disagree that in my case there was confusion. In 1970’s Atlanta I didn’t have that many Catholic boys at my school. So after we’d spent a couple of years as friends we knew we were already halfway to finding a spouse- we liked each other as friends and we were Catholic. So we tried dating to see if we’d fall in love. I don’t see it as confusion but rather as an experiment. 

But you’re right that we’re saying the same thing- sometimes friendship progresses to dating. But no matter what, I don’t think that is worse than just dating someone you barely know, which is a pretty common way high school age kids start dating. 

[Tap]

I don't think it is odd at all.

Sometimes people "like" each other but don't have romantic chemistry.

Sometimes people have romantic chemistry, but don't really like each other on a day to day basis.

Sometimes friends, really are just friends, who feel super comfortable with each other. They maybe sit a bit closer, talk a bit more private, or understand each other on a level that no one else does.  Quite often these type of friends, hug or touch each other often, without anyone worrying that it will go to far..  Not in a romantic way, but in a familiar physical comfort way.  That can be a great thing as a teenager/young adult.  I have seen these relationships stay completely platonic and I have seen them ebb and flow between relationship and friends.

 

 

[Katy]

I think it's much more common in this generation.

[umsami]

This is actually what I wish for my kids.  A long period of friendship....getting to know each other.... before getting romantic and such.  In the Muslim culture, dating in general is frowned upon.... it's more of a meet, and get engaged/married type thing.  So I'd love for my kids to have good friends who they end up having an attraction to and marrying, rather than somebody they haven't known as long or as well.  

[elegantlion]

2 hours ago, Annie G said:

Most of my close friends in junior high and high school were guys. We had a lot in common and they didn’t bring drama like teen girls did. I did end up dating a couple but both times we mutually agreed friendship was better and we stayed friends for years after high school. For a few years my best guy friend and I were teased about being a couple but we just ignored it. 

Ds has a best friend who is a girl. Through the years sometimes he had a crush on her and sometimes she’s had a crush on him but through it lol they’ve remained friends. 

 

Most of my best friends have always been guys. As a teen, that was always the case with the exception of one girl. Yes, we were teased, no there wasn't hidden romantic feelings. Even today my best friends are guys. So yes, teens can be mature enough to just be friends. As someone who had no brothers, it was very nice to have a male around like that. 

My ds likes a young woman. They talk a lot, but I'm not sure how she feels about him. She is someone I know as well. I think I like the idea they're just friends right now. I think he is too. 

[Scarlett]

47 minutes ago, umsami said:

This is actually what I wish for my kids.  A long period of friendship....getting to know each other.... before getting romantic and such.  In the Muslim culture, dating in general is frowned upon.... it's more of a meet, and get engaged/married type thing.  So I'd love for my kids to have good friends who they end up having an attraction to and marrying, rather than somebody they haven't known as long or as well.  

They have been close for several years.  I have actively avoided doing things to give the impression I am pushing them together.  At this point though.....they are clearly at minimum close friends and so I am now working on being friends with my sons friend.  She reaches out to me....which feels like a move a girl would make when she likes a boy.....but maybe not.  Either way, I agree, friends is an important part......

[Scarlett]

12 hours ago, umsami said:

This is actually what I wish for my kids.  A long period of friendship....getting to know each other.... before getting romantic and such.  In the Muslim culture, dating in general is frowned upon.... it's more of a meet, and get engaged/married type thing.  So I'd love for my kids to have good friends who they end up having an attraction to and marrying, rather than somebody they haven't known as long or as well.  

I would say 'dating' for entertainment or casual dating is frowned upon by my religion as well.  However, friendships are GREATLY encouraged.  Waiting until one is out of their teens and has a better sense of self is greatly encouraged.  I have encouraged my boys to have a lot of friends---boys, girls, young and old--because this is how you learn about yourself and what kind of person you want to be and the kind of people you want in your life.  My son though---he latched on to a guy friend and a girl friend--and here we are.  The three of them spend a lot of time together.  She is a cousin to the guy friend.  I told the aunt of the girl that I fear they will end up together because of convenience more than actually being a good fit. She agrees completely. But who knows.  I mean they like each other enough to spend a lot of time together.  I guess that is an important step in any relationship.

[Scarlett]

15 hours ago, Tap said:

I don't think it is odd at all.

Sometimes people "like" each other but don't have romantic chemistry.

Sometimes people have romantic chemistry, but don't really like each other on a day to day basis.

Sometimes friends, really are just friends, who feel super comfortable with each other. They maybe sit a bit closer, talk a bit more private, or understand each other on a level that no one else does.  Quite often these type of friends, hug or touch each other often, without anyone worrying that it will go to far..  Not in a romantic way, but in a familiar physical comfort way.  That can be a great thing as a teenager/young adult.  I have seen these relationships stay completely platonic and I have seen them ebb and flow between relationship and friends.

 

 

 

They are like this with each other.  I am not 100% comfortable with it.  And I go back and forth in my opinion as to 'they like each other romantically vs they are just good friends.'  

[Bluegoat]

17 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Anyone have a young adult who appears to like a girl.....and she appears to like him....and they spend a lot of time together, but both say they are just friends?  

It is an odd situation honestly.  She is on her way over to swim.  She texts me a lot and asks for my opinion....but she has an unreliable mother so sometimes I think she just needs a friend.  

All I know is I am working very hard to say nothing even remotely negative.  I well remember how horrible my MIL treated me.....and I will not be that person.  Just feels weird to be in this stage of life.  

 

Sometimes with this kind of thing there is some specific barrier that is keeping romance off the table.  Physical attraction can be one of those causes, one person just doesn't appeal to the other on that level.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

Sometimes with this kind of thing there is some specific barrier that is keeping romance off the table.  Physical attraction can be one of those causes, one person just doesn't appeal to the other on that level.

I wonder.  She is a beautiful girl, but she is overweight.  I don't know what ds thinks about that.  

[BlsdMama]

14 hours ago, Scarlett said:

They have been close for several years.  I have actively avoided doing things to give the impression I am pushing them together.  At this point though.....they are clearly at minimum close friends and so I am now working on being friends with my sons friend.  She reaches out to me....which feels like a move a girl would make when she likes a boy.....but maybe not.  Either way, I agree, friends is an important part......

Do you think it's odd that they are such good friends, or odd that they've not explored dating, or odd that she is friends with you? 

For the record, my son's closest friend in hs was a girl.  They never did date, though I'm sure he'd have had it otherwise.  They get along well now though there is more distance as she has dated.  That's natural I think.   Friendships ebb and flow and I think opposite sex friendships do fade a little more when dating... Actually that's not too unusual of same sex friendships or even just most friendships for a season.

I don't think it's odd that they are good friends. I don't think it's odd that no one is privy to the exact definition of their friendship.  Why must everyone define anything opposite sex rather than just let it be what it is and what it's going to be?  Maybe that is the odd thing? ?

Now, I do NOT think it is odd that she is developing an advising relationship with you.  I think this is a very natural thing.  I think it's odd among schooled kids though.  They are accustomed to seeking peers for guidance.  One of my closest friends really spoke into my oldest daughter's life.  They are not overly close right now but I loved having another older (than her) godly woman who would weigh in with thoughts and discussions.  I wish she had someone in that role now where she lives.  I think it has great value. 

Many of us had someone of a different generation who "spoke into" our lives.  Mine was my grandmother and I can't tell you how many times (to this day) I still wish she was around so I could have a "think aloud" session just to sort things through sometimes.  Her words had insight and value that I wish I had sat at her feet and listened more.  I did it often (she was good at giving her .02, lol) but I think to have her now would be amazing - when I'm willing to really absorb it.

If you're worried about developing a relationship and then they have a relationship and it goes south, I wouldn't.  We could waste our energy worrying (or hedge in relationships) based on all sorts of things.  I don't think it has great value.  I would enjoy it for precisely what it is - a cross generational relationship that can bring you joy and her wisdom and not what might happen.  If they grow romantically, there may (or may not) be some distance that happens and if they grow apart, there will probably eventually be some distance and maybe not. 

Do I admit I still talk to my DS' ex girlfriend occasionally? Lovely and beautiful young woman with insight well beyond her years.  I'd have loved to have her in our family.  It didn't work out and I admit that made me sad but things don't work out sometimes between two really wonderful and great people.  But I still really believe she is amazing and we occasionally text or FB message. 

[Bluegoat]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I wonder.  She is a beautiful girl, but she is overweight.  I don't know what ds thinks about that.  

 

Sure, or maybe he isn't the type she is attracted to.  At that age, there is zero chance I'd have been attracted to a skinny 19 year old boy, eve if he was a good friend.

In fact in university one of my best friends was a very very good-looking guy, but I wasn't romantically interested in him.  There were just certain things about his personality that I knew would drive me nuts, like he was kind of a tightwad.  And he had a nasal voice with a sort of posh Ontario accent.  All together, it put him in the non-datable catagory, though I'm still really close to him.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

Sure, or maybe he isn't the type she is attracted to.  At that age, there is zero chance I'd have been attracted to a skinny 19 year old boy, eve if he was a good friend.

In fact in university one of my best friends was a very very good-looking guy, but I wasn't romantically interested in him.  There were just certain things about his personality that I knew would drive me nuts, like he was kind of a tightwad.  And he had a nasal voice with a sort of posh Ontario accent.  All together, it put him in the non-datable catagory, though I'm still really close to him.

Right.  Could be.  I used to think she didn't look at him like she likes him....lately I am changing my mind. 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, BlsdMama said:

Do you think it's odd that they are such good friends, or odd that they've not explored dating, or odd that she is friends with you? 

For the record, my son's closest friend in hs was a girl.  They never did date, though I'm sure he'd have had it otherwise.  They get along well now though there is more distance as she has dated.  That's natural I think.   Friendships ebb and flow and I think opposite sex friendships do fade a little more when dating... Actually that's not too unusual of same sex friendships or even just most friendships for a season.

I don't think it's odd that they are good friends. I don't think it's odd that no one is privy to the exact definition of their friendship.  Why must everyone define anything opposite sex rather than just let it be what it is and what it's going to be?  Maybe that is the odd thing? ?

Now, I do NOT think it is odd that she is developing an advising relationship with you.  I think this is a very natural thing.  I think it's odd among schooled kids though.  They are accustomed to seeking peers for guidance.  One of my closest friends really spoke into my oldest daughter's life.  They are not overly close right now but I loved having another older (than her) godly woman who would weigh in with thoughts and discussions.  I wish she had someone in that role now where she lives.  I think it has great value. 

Many of us had someone of a different generation who "spoke into" our lives.  Mine was my grandmother and I can't tell you how many times (to this day) I still wish she was around so I could have a "think aloud" session just to sort things through sometimes.  Her words had insight and value that I wish I had sat at her feet and listened more.  I did it often (she was good at giving her .02, lol) but I think to have her now would be amazing - when I'm willing to really absorb it.

If you're worried about developing a relationship and then they have a relationship and it goes south, I wouldn't.  We could waste our energy worrying (or hedge in relationships) based on all sorts of things.  I don't think it has great value.  I would enjoy it for precisely what it is - a cross generational relationship that can bring you joy and her wisdom and not what might happen.  If they grow romantically, there may (or may not) be some distance that happens and if they grow apart, there will probably eventually be some distance and maybe not. 

Do I admit I still talk to my DS' ex girlfriend occasionally? Lovely and beautiful young woman with insight well beyond her years.  I'd have loved to have her in our family.  It didn't work out and I admit that made me sad but things don't work out sometimes between two really wonderful and great people.  But I still really believe she is amazing and we occasionally text or FB message. 

No I am not surprised they are good friends.  I have no problem with good friends/opposite sex.   What I am puzzled by is that they SEEM to like each other, but both deny it to everyone.  I don't know why they would deny it unless one or both of them is not interested at all...in which case I would expect the friendship to fizzle a bit, but instead it seems to be intensifying. 

And I also don't really think it is odd that she is seeking me out as a 'friend'....but since it is happening along with them appearing to be interested in each other...I don't know, I just wonder.  But her aunt told me to stop overthinking it...the girl needs decent advice and the girl's mom is not reliable, so who cares what the girl's (probably subconscious if anything) motives are.  

I also don't worry about what might happen if they don't end up together...I believe .the girl will be in my life regardless.

[hippiemamato3]

5 hours ago, Bluegoat said:

 

Sure, or maybe he isn't the type she is attracted to.  At that age, there is zero chance I'd have been attracted to a skinny 19 year old boy, eve if he was a good friend.

In fact in university one of my best friends was a very very good-looking guy, but I wasn't romantically interested in him.  There were just certain things about his personality that I knew would drive me nuts, like he was kind of a tightwad.  And he had a nasal voice with a sort of posh Ontario accent.  All together, it put him in the non-datable catagory, though I'm still really close to him.

Oh I agree!! 

[hippiemamato3]

7 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I wonder.  She is a beautiful girl, but she is overweight.  I don't know what ds thinks about that.  

 

Hoo boy. I imagine that disqualifies her in your mind then.

[hippiemamato3]

9 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

I think that was uncalled for.  

 

I don't. I think even mentioning her weight was uncalled for, but she didn't ask my opinion any more than I asked for anyone else's. 

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, hippiemamato3 said:

 

I don't. I think even mentioning her weight was uncalled for, but she didn't ask my opinion any more than I asked for anyone else's. 

You think mentioning her weight in response to someone talking about physical attractiveness was uncalled for?  Strange.  

[hippiemamato3]

13 hours ago, Scarlett said:

You think mentioning her weight in response to someone talking about physical attractiveness was uncalled for?  Strange.  

 

You said you weren't sure how your son felt about her weight, as though it was an inherent flaw that he should be judging. We all know how you feel about overweight people - I hope your son isn't as biased and judgmental. 

[sheryl]

That's sweet.  Yes, I have a 19 yo dd and she has many boy friends (friends who are boys/males).  She "eno" hangs with one.  And, she'll also see him at a group event (mostly boys).  She has another guy friend and they do things.  And, yet another guy friend and they do things.  Dare I say there's a 4th and 5th guy to follow.  However, it's hit or miss.  She's only hung out with most of these guys 1-2 times.  The other 1-2 guys she repeatedly hangs out with.  They are just friends. 

My dd started dating recently and these guys are several years older. 

[LucyStoner]

When I was 18 I had male friends, including one I did and do call a best friend.  Why didn’t we feel romantic attraction for each other?  Who knows, but we didn’t.  I got married at 21 and he got married at 25.  It wasn’t the least bit confusing.  I think it’s becoming more common.  

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

When I was 18 I had male friends, including one I did and do call a best friend.  Why didn’t we feel romantic attraction for each other?  Who knows, but we didn’t.  I got married at 21 and he got married at 25.  It wasn’t the least bit confusing.  I think it’s becoming more common.  

I am not confused by them being friends.  I am confused by them appearing to be more than friends and denying it.  And confused is probably too strong of a word.  Puzzled maybe.  But maybe they are holding off on going into the 'dating' zone until they are older.  I don't really know what they are thinking--cause--teens. 

[Dmmetler]

I was in a co-ed service fraternity in college with a strong unwritten rule against “incest”-You did not date or have romantic relationships with your “brothers”. We did a lot of projects where we would all be sleeping on the floor of a church fellowship hall while doing habitat projects, and for the most part, not being romantically involved made things easier. 

 

Almost 25 years after college graduation, not only are most of that group still friends, but about half of us are married to each other. There have been no divorces. 

 

So, yes, it’s very possible to have platonic friendships for years. It’s also possible for platonic friendships to turn into something more. I tend to think that it’s healthier to begin as friends, not as a couple, especially for younger teens. I notice DD’s cheer coaches do the same thing when it comes to the guys in the gym, and actively discourage “shipping”, teasing, etc. The last thing they want is a girl upset because her boyfriend is basing someone else.

[Scarlett]

10 minutes ago, dmmetler said:

I was in a co-ed service fraternity in college with a strong unwritten rule against “incest”-You did not date or have romantic relationships with your “brothers”. We did a lot of projects where we would all be sleeping on the floor of a church fellowship hall while doing habitat projects, and for the most part, not being romantically involved made things easier. 

 

Almost 25 years after college graduation, not only are most of that group still friends, but about half of us are married to each other. There have been no divorces. 

 

So, yes, it’s very possible to have platonic friendships for years. It’s also possible for platonic friendships to turn into something more. I tend to think that it’s healthier to begin as friends, not as a couple, especially for younger teens. I notice DD’s cheer coaches do the same thing when it comes to the guys in the gym, and actively discourage “shipping”, teasing, etc. The last thing they want is a girl upset because her boyfriend is basing someone else.

I do too.

[LucyStoner]

46 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I am not confused by them being friends.  I am confused by them appearing to be more than friends and denying it.  And confused is probably too strong of a word.  Puzzled maybe.  But maybe they are holding off on going into the 'dating' zone until they are older.  I don't really know what they are thinking--cause--teens. 

 

What gives the impression that they are more than friends?  I was in daily contact and usually making plans with my best friend most every weekend.  Occasionally people assumed we were dating but that was never any part of it.  

My remarks were in response to posts saying that boy-girl relationship boundaries are confusing and that usually one or both want to be more than friends.  

[Tanaqui]

The ways of humans are strange, who can fathom 'em? Best not to try, no good ever comes of it. What you see as "clearly there's something more!" might be real, or it might be one-sided, or it might be all in your head. No way to tell - and if there IS something more there might be all sorts of reasons they haven't done anything about it - they don't know how to make the first move, they "don't want to ruin their friendship", they're scared, something something religion, more religion, they're not sure what they feel... all sorts of options, really, I've only covered the tip of the iceberg. There are entire entertainment industries built around people spending entirely too long to admit they love each other like that. I've read whole epic fanfics, chapters and chapters of work, that only resolved the obvious-to-everybody romance in the last three sentences.

The best thing to do right now is to take everything they say/do at face value and try not to second-guess them. Don't even think about it if you can help it.

[Carrie12345]

My BFF from age 7 to 16 or 17 was a boy.  Everyone who knew us believed something was there. People who didn't know us as well always assumed we were siblings. Our respective girl/boyfriends were very uncomfortable with our friendship.  Even my now-dh, who has never met my friend, gets an attitude in his voice if his name comes up.  We were just THAT close for a long time.  Our families were very close, too. And even they thought something was going on.

We found out when visiting when I was around 19 that the thought had crossed both our minds growing up, and figured maybe we should give it a go.  We quickly discovered that was not right for us!

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Tanaqui said:

The ways of humans are strange, who can fathom 'em? Best not to try, no good ever comes of it. What you see as "clearly there's something more!" might be real, or it might be one-sided, or it might be all in your head. No way to tell - and if there IS something more there might be all sorts of reasons they haven't done anything about it - they don't know how to make the first move, they "don't want to ruin their friendship", they're scared, something something religion, more religion, they're not sure what they feel... all sorts of options, really, I've only covered the tip of the iceberg. There are entire entertainment industries built around people spending entirely too long to admit they love each other like that. I've read whole epic fanfics, chapters and chapters of work, that only resolved the obvious-to-everybody romance in the last three sentences.

The best thing to do right now is to take everything they say/do at face value and try not to second-guess them. Don't even think about it if you can help it.

Excellent points.

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

My BFF from age 7 to 16 or 17 was a boy.  Everyone who knew us believed something was there. People who didn't know us as well always assumed we were siblings. Our respective girl/boyfriends were very uncomfortable with our friendship.  Even my now-dh, who has never met my friend, gets an attitude in his voice if his name comes up.  We were just THAT close for a long time.  Our families were very close, too. And even they thought something was going on.

We found out when visiting when I was around 19 that the thought had crossed both our minds growing up, and figured maybe we should give it a go.  We quickly discovered that was not right for us!

Interesting.  

Well time will tell i guess.  Also, another thing I think about is.....if they are just friends......all potential gf/bfs will be scared off thinking they are more than friends.  

She asked me if she could go with me when I take Ds to get his wisdom teeth out.  

[alisoncooks]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

She asked me if she could go with me when I take Ds to get his wisdom teeth out.  

Maybe because people say hilarious things when they're drugged up from dental work?

[unsinkable]

I guess my friends and I were the only ones who explored physical relationships with our "friends." Sometimes the physical relationships continued and sometimes the friendships went back to being platonic.

[Carrie12345]

35 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Interesting.  

Well time will tell i guess.  Also, another thing I think about is.....if they are just friends......all potential gf/bfs will be scared off thinking they are more than friends.  

She asked me if she could go with me when I take Ds to get his wisdom teeth out.  

"Scared off" is a good filtering tool, though. While we could acknowledge people's discomfort, I wouldn't consider dating anyone who couldn't make room for me to have my established friendships.  My friendships were (are) part of me.  Anyone unable to handle that wouldn't be a good fit.

[Scarlett]

6 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

"Scared off" is a good filtering tool, though. While we could acknowledge people's discomfort, I wouldn't consider dating anyone who couldn't make room for me to have my established friendships.  My friendships were (are) part of me.  Anyone unable to handle that wouldn't be a good fit.

Well that isnt exactly what I meant....I mean if they look 'taken' others may never consider them or approach them.  I do acknowledge this is dumb stuff to worry about.  LOL

Oh in fact I told ds the other day 'if other girls think you are a couple none will ever want to  consider you.  He says, 'well since I don't want to date until I am older win-win'.

[Scarlett]

43 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

Maybe because people say hilarious things when they're drugged up from dental work?

I told ds this and he said, ;;yeah maybe I will become a Youtube star.'

[LucyStoner]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Well that isnt exactly what I meant....I mean if they look 'taken' others may never consider them or approach them.  I do acknowledge this is dumb stuff to worry about.  LOL

Oh in fact I told ds the other day 'if other girls think you are a couple none will ever want to  consider you.  He says, 'well since I don't want to date until I am older win-win'.

5

 

I had "a boyfriend" for most of high school.  He was really just a friend who, by calling him my boyfriend, I very conveniently kept other interest at bay and had something to say to get people to leave me alone.  I suppose it's pretty reflective of problems in our culture that I felt the need to do this, but really and truly in the moment, my relationship with him served a valuable purpose.  And since he was content to be platonic, all the better.  I actually met my husband through him so definitely large dividends for my life.  This person was not my best friend, just a friend.  

[Scarlett]

Ds had his wisdom teeth out.  It was quite entertaining.  Friend, I will call her M, went with us.  She spent the whole day with us.  Ds was ALL over her.  She said, 'you are huggy on drugs!'.  Dh told me it was truth serum.....who knows.  

We went to a gathering at a lake and they were both there.  They totally ignored each other for most of the time we were there.  I find that sooooo strange.

Then yesterday afternoon he asked if she could come over so he could help her set up her new phone and VR she just bought.  I told him we had dinner plans and he got so down.  I knew we would be home by 8:30 so I told him she could come over then.  She came over and stayed until 11:15 or so....they are very touchy feels with each other.  She let him add his finger print to get into her phone.  

But who knows.  He starts school in a couple of weeks after a 2 week vacation with his dad.  She just got a promising job with a car dealership in the city.......and she started her on line accounting classes.   We will see how it all turns out.