Wedding guest "dress code" question (from a bride-to-be)

[marbel]

A friend of mine is planning her wedding and asked me my opinion on something.  I am a lot older than her, and kind of out of touch with current wedding etiquette/styles, so...  I'm asking for opinions here.

 

She was asking about a "dress code" or guidelines for the guests' attire, trying to decide between "cocktail attire" and "dressy casual." As a guest, I appreciate being given some guidance on  what to wear and would always do my best to dress as the wedding couple requests.  But also as a guest, I feel that "dressy casual" gives a broader range of options. But before I tell her that, I am wondering what others have to say.  On the other hand, I think the venue also dictates the wedding attire to some degree, and I don't think they have their venue yet.  

 

I would not insert my opinion without being asked. But since she did ask, I want to be thoughtful about it and not necessarily tell her what I prefer for myself personally, but think more generally about all the wedding guests.  

 

Thoughts?  This is not a JAWM, even though I gave my opinion.  I'm not looking for backup.  

 

 

Edited April 30, 2017 by marbel

[prairiewindmomma]

It depends on her social network and the location of the reception.  I've had invitations say "dressy casual" but when I showed up, everyone was in cocktail.  I would've preferred the stricter guidance, especially as I was flying in from out-of-state.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Time of day and venue and even the wedding party's level of dress will all influence the answer.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Crimson Wife]

I would personally recommend "cocktail" for an evening wedding and "business/church attire" for a daytime wedding. "Dressy casual" is too open to interpretation and you'll hate people showing up in jeans because it's dressier than shorts or yoga pants

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Amber in SJ]

I agree that the venue & the time of day will dictate the dress code.  A backyard garden reception at 1pm is going to have a different dress code than and evening reception in a hotel ballroom.  

 

Type of reception can also dictate dress code.  Formal sit down dinner?  Adults only with dancing?  

 

Once she gets a few more of those types of details settled I think it will be clearer about dress code.  On the other had some brides have visions of everyone at her party dressed to the nines in cocktail attire and don't really want anyone in khakis & a collared shirt which is the preferred dressy casual attire around here.  Maybe she is looking for someone to just agree with her.

 

YMMV

 

Amber in SJ

[goldberry]

"Dressy casual" is too open to interpretation and you'll hate people showing up in jeans because it's dressier than shorts or yoga pants

 

 

 

 

Yes, personally I would not wear jeans for dressy casual although I have seen people do so.  If you don't want jeans, "dressy casual" is not specific enough.

[marbel]

Huh. This is way more complicated than I thought.   (Not complaining about your answers.  I appreciate it.)

 

And here I thought "dressy casual" and "cocktail" were pretty straightforward (and neither would include jeans).  

 

I do like the suggestion for "business/church attire" for a daytime wedding.   

 

Mostly I am getting that the best advice I can give her is to get her other details (venue, time of day, etc) settled and it will be clearer to her what will best fit.   

[J-rap]

I'd say that nowadays, dress code is not mentioned.  (Except in certain circles, I suppose?)

 

People generally dress according to the venue.  The only exception, as far as I'm concerned, is if the venue itself has a requirement.

 

 

[Catwoman]

I find "dressy casual" to be a confusing term.

 

Is it dressy? Is it casual? Make a choice and let me know what you decide. Seriously.

 

I know the "dressy casual" thing is supposed to allow people more freedom in deciding what to wear, but I don't want choices. I want to know what the bride is envisioning for her wedding so I don't show up in a cocktail dress and the other people at the table are wearing khakis and polo shirts and we all end up feeling like we did something wrong.

[Library Momma]

I'd say that nowadays, dress code is not mentioned.  (Except in certain circles, I suppose?)

 

People generally dress according to the venue.  The only exception, as far as I'm concerned, is if the venue itself has a requirement.

 

 

This.  The only dress code I've ever seen mentioned for any type of reception is Black Tie.

[Catwoman]

I'd say that nowadays, dress code is not mentioned. (Except in certain circles, I suppose?)

 

People generally dress according to the venue. The only exception, as far as I'm concerned, is if the venue itself has a requirement.

I would think that most families have some sort of unwritten expectation of how to dress for a wedding, so I agree that there is often no need to mention the dress code, although our family has both black tie and white tie events, and those requirements are mentioned on the invitations.

 

My personal feeling is that if it's a wedding, I should get dressed up for it unless I'm specifically instructed otherwise.

[Carol in Cal.]

Where would this information be conveyed? 

In the invitation?  (faints)  In my world, that would be rude.  Or at least gauche.

 

In a website for the happy couple?  In that case, I think that the site and time should be chosen before the description is settled. 

 

During phone calls?  In that case, the description can be more lengthy.  "I'm hoping everyone will dress in their nicest clothes to celebrate in style!"  "I want everyone to be dressy but comfortable enough to dance."  "I think weddings should be dressy occasions, don't you?"  Or if it's the wedding party and/or parents answering, "She's hoping everyone will really dress up, since this is such a festive occasion."

 

And I don't think 'dressy casual' is particularly descriptive.  As others have said, it's too broad to be helpful, unless the bride intends a total free for all, and if her other choice is cocktail attire, I don't think that she does.  If she doesn't want to be too prescriptive in the website or emails but also wants to convey 'dressy', which seems to be the case, I would be inclined to say 'festive attire' perhaps.

 

 

[kewb]

I find "dressy casual" to be a confusing term.

 

Is it dressy? Is it casual? Make a choice and let me know what you decide. Seriously.

 

I know the "dressy casual" thing is supposed to allow people more freedom in deciding what to wear, but I don't want choices. I want to know what the bride is envisioning for her wedding so I don't show up in a cocktail dress and the other people at the table are wearing khakis and polo shirts and we all end up feeling like we did something wrong.

I agree. Dressy casual would leave me wondering what I should be wearing. Cocktail attire is clear.

[marbel]

Just to respond to a couple of posts at once:

 

I am seeing the dress code information on the wedding website and/or the reception card that comes with the wedding invitation.  

 

 

And an aside:  I just went and looked at my wedding pictures.  There is a wide range of dress among the guests. We didn't specify anything for people and people wore what they wanted.  I guess it didn't matter to me.  Maybe that's why this is hard for me to answer and probably why I am not a good person for my friend to ask.   And maybe that's why "dressy casual" works for me because... it seems to give a guideline of "dress neatly" and that's about it.  

 

Just musing there.  

 

Oh, and:  dressy casual is easier for me as a guest because "cocktail attire" means I have to go buy a dress, shoes, a purse.... I just don't wear those sorts of clothes. Though I have 2 wedding invitations that already call for it, so regardless of what my friend does, I'm going shopping anyway.  :-)

Edited April 30, 2017 by marbel

[Guest]

I'm trying to figure out why anyone cares what a guest at their wedding wears? Not snarky, just curious. But I had a pretty casual upbringing so that does color my viewpoint.

Edited April 30, 2017 by Moxie

[Laura Corin]

I'm trying to figure out why anyone cares what a guest at their wedding wears? Not snarky, just curious. But I had a pretty casual upbringing so that does color my viewpoint.

Yes. People were welcome to wear whatever they felt was appropriate to celebrate my wedding.

[Crimson Wife]

I'd say that nowadays, dress code is not mentioned.  (Except in certain circles, I suppose?)

 

Nearly every wedding invitation I've received in the past 5 years or so has included a dress code request. The one we just attended had "black tie requested" on it. DH didn't feel like wearing his tux so we went in cocktail.

[SebastianCat]

I'm trying to figure out why anyone cares what a guest at their wedding wears? Not snarky, just curious. But I had a pretty casual upbringing so that does color my viewpoint.

We had an afternoon wedding with a hors d'oeuvres & punch reception at an old historic home.   I have no idea what anyone wore to my wedding besides myself, the wedding party, and the family members who ended up in pictures.   

 

I think the bride-to-be should pick a time and venue that fits her and her fiance's comfort level and budget, and let people wear what's appropriate based on those factors.   Yes, there is some etiquette involved in guest attire, but if someone showed up in jeans when everyone else is wearing cocktail dresses, they only make themselves look and feel bad.

[Tap]

PNW....dressy/casual will have at least one person in jeans and fleece. Someone in long shorts. Someone in a ball or outdoor cap. And likely someone in yoga pants and a tunic.

 

Coctail attire....most people will dress up, but quite likely to have the same as above too. Or, some people won't attend because they don't have/want to buy cocktail clothes.

 

I would go with the minimum the bride would feel comfortable with. Is she really wants people to dress up, cocktail would be the most accommodating.

 

If she wants people to just be themselves and include the most people...dressy casual would be common in the PNW.

[Guest]

Personally, I am overjoyed with guidance given as part of the invitation packet. One of my nephews got married on a farm and the wedding party was in jeans and cowboy boots; the ladies had short dresses and denim jackets. Seating was on haybales. I most definitely wanted that information so I didn't show up in a formal gown and 4" heels. Another nephew had an outdoor wedding and the fiancé included information advising against high heels/stilettos, only because that would be miserable, trying to walk around on soft ground in heels.

 

That bride also had information about gifts, as they were bound for a long-term sailing trip and standard houseware gifts would be totally useless to them. (Ha! This is not how she phrased it! 😊) I know The Rules say you don't include info pertaining to gifts in the invitation. I don't care what the etiquette books say. I want enough information so that I can make the most appropriate decision.

[bettyandbob]

Agreeing dressy casual means jeans to some people. Someone mentioned "church attire", but I've been to a few different churches in the last decade and "church attire" includes a lit if jeans now, unlike when I was a kid.

 

I think people know cocktail attire does not include jeans. You could say business casual be and have all your guests come in khaki pants and polo shirts. That would sure be weird to see everyone dressed that way.

[Opie]

Wow. Call me crazy, but I had no idea that the invites had a dress code listed. I do not believe that I have ever seen that! I would say if I did have one that said dressy/casual I would think that any thing could be worn, as well as jeans.

 

Why not have the people invited wear what they wish?

Edited April 30, 2017 by Opie

[Susan in KY]

Cocktail will include everything down to dressy casual without sloppy. Dressy casual will include ppl in their best jeans. I'd go with cocktail.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I find "dressy casual" to be a confusing term.

 

Is it dressy? Is it casual? Make a choice and let me know what you decide. Seriously.

 

I know the "dressy casual" thing is supposed to allow people more freedom in deciding what to wear, but I don't want choices. I want to know what the bride is envisioning for her wedding so I don't show up in a cocktail dress and the other people at the table are wearing khakis and polo shirts and we all end up feeling like we did something wrong.

 

Exactly how I feel.  I don't know what "dressy casual" is.

 

It's like slow sprint.  What is that?!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Agreeing dressy casual means jeans to some people.

 

Yes.  Ya know it's jeans with a top that doesn't have a snarky graphic on it.  :lol:

[Catwoman]

Yes. Ya know it's jeans with a top that doesn't have a snarky graphic on it. :lol:

Excellent point.

 

Save those graphics for when the invitation says "snarky casual."

 

Proper etiquette matters. ;)

[marbel]

I think the bride wants to put dress guidance because that's how people here seem to do it.  All the invitations I've received in the past couple of years have included commentary about how to dress.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Excellent point.

 

Save those graphics for when the invitation says "snarky casual."

 

Proper etiquette matters. ;)

 

Oh damn.  Now I want to go back in time and get married again so I can write that on the invitation!

[Beth S]

I think the bride wants to put dress guidance because that's how people here seem to do it.  All the invitations I've received in the past couple of years have included commentary about how to dress.

 

I would just add that a "Cocktail Attire" reception is a whole lot more expensive than a "Dressy Casual" one. 

I'm agreeing with her planning the reception menu & venue first, then determining a suggested dress code.

Our usual mode here is to wear skirts for the gals and dress shirts for the guys for an afternoon buffet style luncheon reception.

 

ETA: removed "Church Clothes" reference. :)

Edited April 30, 2017 by Beth S

[Word Nerd]

I'm trying to figure out why anyone cares what a guest at their wedding wears? Not snarky, just curious. But I had a pretty casual upbringing so that does color my viewpoint.

I agree, but then again I don't get what the big deal is about a lot of details brides concern themselves with...which is one reason we eloped and had a casual celebration with friends and family afterward.

Edited April 30, 2017 by Word Nerd

[SparklyUnicorn]

See, I don't know what church clothes are.  I would think it was ok to wear jeans to church. 

 

[winterbaby]

If it's standard in your area to state dress code, it seems like shooting yourself in the foot to low-ball it with squishy ambiguities like "dressy casual." Not a phrase I was even familiar with - seems oxymoronic. We already live in such a casual society, so explicitly saying "casual," regardless of modifier, seems like asking for trouble in the form of egregious underdressing. Maybe people put that to assure people who don't feel that they're up to a full "cocktail" look with the sheath dress stiletto heels and whatnot, whether due to finances, figure or whatever? But unless it says black tie or white tie, which have official definitions, I naturally assume that I'm free to approximate the look within my personal limitations, and have never had problems. And if your friend happens not to be the kind of host who can deal with that, then she should for sure not put "casual" anything.

 

Also if look was very important to me I would not invite anyone I didn't know well enough to know whether their judgment could be trusted, and if I knew someone well enough to know their judgment couldn't be trusted I would find a way to gently say something to them personally (or have a relative/member of the wedding party do so), rather than try to telegraph it through invite phrasing.

[bettyandbob]

This is where old fashioned etiquette is great. I know everyone says that stuff is outdated, but it sure is nice to just look something up about dress and follow that.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I thought the term used to be semi-formal.  So ya know shirt and tie, but not necessarily tuxedo.  Dress/pant suit/dressier whatever verses ball gown. 

 

 

Edited April 30, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn

[Bootsie]

I am another one who thought that the time of day, location of wedding and reception, and the formality of the invitation would make the appropriate style of dress obvious.  The only time I would put an attire suggestion is for a very formal wedding (black tie optional, or black tie--and I think most people who run in circles where black tie is expected of wedding guests would know when that is expected) or when the couple requests that couple requests a certain attire for the comfort of the guests (cowboy boot welcome!--for a ranch wedding, beach attire for beach wedding, etc.)  

 

Personally, I do not like "cocktail attire" if it is a church wedding.  There are many dresses that are appropriate for a cocktail party that I would not wear to a church service; and would not be allowed in particular churches.  "Church attire"--whose church--that is a wide range, unless most of the invitees share a meaning for that.  Business attire--to me would mean a business suit, even for women.  Locally, many people use the term "smart casual"--that is even more confusing to me than dressy casual.  I used to run in circles where 'business casual' meant no jeans and 'casual' meant jeans were OK, but recently I have seen people wear shorts for business casual.

 

The dress suggestion is odd to me because it has little meaning unless the group shares a common lingo--and the more likely the group shares a common lingo the less likely the need to state the expected dress.

 

Personally I would not put a dress suggestion unless it is extremely formal or something out-of-the-ordinary is practical.  Any suggestion of dress should make the task of dressing easier for the guests and make the guests more comfortable; it shouldn't be to dictate a dress code for guests, not a place for the bride-to-be to dictate how people will look in her wedding picutres.

[Bootsie]

I am another one who thought that the time of day, location of wedding and reception, and the formality of the invitation would make the appropriate style of dress obvious.  The only time I would put an attire suggestion is for a very formal wedding (black tie optional, or black tie--and I think most people who run in circles where black tie is expected of wedding guests would know when that is expected) or when the couple requests that couple requests a certain attire for the comfort of the guests (cowboy boot welcome!--for a ranch wedding, beach attire for beach wedding, etc.)  

 

Personally, I do not like "cocktail attire" if it is a church wedding.  There are many dresses that are appropriate for a cocktail party that I would not wear to a church service; and would not be allowed in particular churches.  "Church attire"--whose church--that is a wide range, unless most of the invitees share a meaning for that.  Business attire--to me would mean a business suit, even for women.  Locally, many people use the term "smart casual"--that is even more confusing to me than dressy casual.  I used to run in circles where 'business casual' meant no jeans and 'casual' meant jeans were OK, but recently I have seen people wear shorts for business casual.

 

The dress suggestion is odd to me because it has little meaning unless the group shares a common lingo--and the more likely the group shares a common lingo the less likely the need to state the expected dress.

 

Personally I would not put a dress suggestion unless it is extremely formal or something out-of-the-ordinary is practical.  Any suggestion of dress should make the task of dressing easier for the guests and make the guests more comfortable; it shouldn't be to dictate a dress code for guests, not a place for the bride-to-be to dictate how people will look in her wedding picutres.

[Crimson Wife]

 

Personally, I do not like "cocktail attire" if it is a church wedding.  There are many dresses that are appropriate for a cocktail party that I would not wear to a church service; and would not be allowed in particular churches.

 

Most women know to throw on a cardigan/jacket/shawl for the ceremony part if they're wearing a cocktail dress to a wedding.

[Bluegoat]

There is actually a "proper" way to figure out what guests are meant to wear, though like many things it's often no longer followed.

 

But it actually makes a lot of sense and can be a useful place to start thinking about it.

 

Essentially, it's the attire of the bridal party that dictates what the guests wear - they are meant to be at the same level.  So, a black tie evening affair won't see only the groom and groomsmen in tuxes, but all the male guests will wear them, or the equivalent in special forms of dress (military, national/ethnic dress, etc.)  The same goes for white tie, or morning coats.

 

Of course not all the guests may have that dress, in which case they wear the closest they have without going over the level of the bride and groom. 

 

Women's dress is a bit harder to pin down but there are levels which more or less correspond to the male levels which are pretty scripted.  You wouldn't wear a ball gown to a wedding where the men were wearing sports coats or suits.

 

Where this has gone a little awry over the years in some circles is that often the wedding party will decide they want to go very formal, well beyond the level of dress their social circle is going to be in.  So, if they decide to go with morning coats it is pretty unlikely their guests will have them, and it might seem pretty presumptuous and a bit rude to imply that is what is expected.  One option might be then to go with something closer to what the guests can match, something like suits.  Or, just  tell they guests to wear the best they have, whatever it is.

[Bluegoat]

Where would this information be conveyed? 

In the invitation?  (faints)  In my world, that would be rude.  Or at least gauche.

 

In a website for the happy couple?  In that case, I think that the site and time should be chosen before the description is settled. 

 

During phone calls?  In that case, the description can be more lengthy.  "I'm hoping everyone will dress in their nicest clothes to celebrate in style!"  "I want everyone to be dressy but comfortable enough to dance."  "I think weddings should be dressy occasions, don't you?"  Or if it's the wedding party and/or parents answering, "She's hoping everyone will really dress up, since this is such a festive occasion."

 

And I don't think 'dressy casual' is particularly descriptive.  As others have said, it's too broad to be helpful, unless the bride intends a total free for all, and if her other choice is cocktail attire, I don't think that she does.  If she doesn't want to be too prescriptive in the website or emails but also wants to convey 'dressy', which seems to be the case, I would be inclined to say 'festive attire' perhaps.

 

I've seen invitation mock-ups from both Miss Manners and Emily Post that include level of formality.  I don't think it's gauche at all.

[Paige]

I would say cocktail or black tie if I wanted those. I would say casual if I seriously wanted that. I would say nothing if I wanted "dressy casual." I think most guests default to that and if you mention it, you'll get the few who see casual mentioned in any context to wear jeans, nice shorts, etc.

[Guest]

I agree with Bluegoat; not gauche. It's helpful to me to know what to wear.

 

"Cocktail" conveys something to me; "dressy casual" confuses me.

 

I've received invitations with VERY specific instructions:

 

Black-tie, formal gown

Suiit and tie, cocktail dress

Casual but no shorts.

Dancing shoes!

 

And others.

[winterbaby]

Where this has gone a little awry over the years in some circles is that often the wedding party will decide they want to go very formal, well beyond the level of dress their social circle is going to be in.  So, if they decide to go with morning coats it is pretty unlikely their guests will have them, and it might seem pretty presumptuous and a bit rude to imply that is what is expected.  One option might be then to go with something closer to what the guests can match, something like suits.  Or, just  tell they guests to wear the best they have, whatever it is.

 

Interesting. At every wedding I've ever been to the wedding party were considerably more formal than the guests, and if anything what would be rude and presumptuous would be to try to match or compete with them. I suppose this is probably a class thing - my circles are decidedly lower middle-class, on average, with plenty of working class and a few UMC and affluent of the sort who aren't thrown off by the fact not everyone can keep up with them. If I were expected to wear the type of full-skirted formal satin gown women in wedding parties typically wear, I would absolutely want to be told that explicitly. (I thought that was what the phrase "black tie" is for.)

[Bluegoat]

Generally, most weddings that people go to these days would probably be classed as semi-formal - where that's the highest level of formality you'll see among the guests.

[Bluegoat]

Interesting. At every wedding I've ever been to the wedding party were considerably more formal than the guests, and if anything what would be rude and presumptuous would be to try to match or compete with them. I suppose this is probably a class thing - my circles are decidedly lower middle-class, on average, with plenty of working class and a few UMC and affluent of the sort who aren't thrown off by the fact not everyone can keep up with them. If I were expected to wear the type of full-skirted formal satin gown women in wedding parties typically wear, I would absolutely want to be told that explicitly. (I thought that was what the phrase "black tie" is for.)

 

Yeah, this is a feature I think of "the dress" becoming a big thing where women spend far more than they would on any other dress, and the possibility of formal-wear rentals for men (because most don't own and won't buy anything more formal than a suit.)

 

Black tie is quite specific - it means the men should wear a tux, and so it must be an evening wedding because a tux is only supposed to be work in the evening.   ( The daytime equivalent would probably be morning dress. ) Women should be wearing a gown or, fancy jewelry, maybe a very fancy cocktail dress.  White-tie means tails and is even more formal.  Military people would wear a mess kit or you might see the most formal type of kilt. 

 

Suits and more average cocktail dresses would be "formal" and semi-formal is suit or jacket and tie for men and less fancy cocktail dresses.  

[catz]

I have only rarely seen dress code on wedding invitations and that's only been for super formal.

 

I don't know.  I think being a good and gracious host is important too.  It also depends on your family and friends regular wardrobes.  Some families might put on dockers and a polo shirt and call that their Sunday best and don't own a suit or a cocktail gown.  Some families always have black tie and formal wear available.  I say let the venue and time dictate.  I would not expect people to have to buy new clothing for my wedding unless they were in the wedding party. 

 

We had black tie down to denim at our wedding.  It was evening, formal venue in a historic hotel with a church wedding.   I was just grateful for those who took the time to come. 

Edited May 1, 2017 by WoolySocks

[Guest]

It's hard for me to get wrapped around the axle about making a dress code for things like this.

 

I can see that there is a time and a place to dresss up and to dress down. Bare midriffs dont bother me out and about...but at church? There's a level of appropriateness. But I would still be happier that people came to church dressed inappropriately than didn't come at all.

 

I was at a wedding last year for an older couple and a few young ladies came dressed like street-walkers. It was odd. Well, im glad they came as they were the bride's DAUGHTERS!! :0)

 

It's been 35+ years and I still remember and am thankful for every person who came to my wedding. I don't remember what they wore--but maybe in part because they dressed appropriately. And sometimes, these days, it is helpful to have s clue as to what is appropriate.

[Ellie]

A friend of mine is planning her wedding and asked me my opinion on something.  I am a lot older than her, and kind of out of touch with current wedding etiquette/styles, so...  I'm asking for opinions here.

 

She was asking about a "dress code" or guidelines for the guests' attire, trying to decide between "cocktail attire" and "dressy casual." As a guest, I appreciate being given some guidance on  what to wear and would always do my best to dress as the wedding couple requests.  But also as a guest, I feel that "dressy casual" gives a broader range of options. But before I tell her that, I am wondering what others have to say.  On the other hand, I think the venue also dictates the wedding attire to some degree, and I don't think they have their venue yet.  

 

I would not insert my opinion without being asked. But since she did ask, I want to be thoughtful about it and not necessarily tell her what I prefer for myself personally, but think more generally about all the wedding guests.  

 

Thoughts?  This is not a JAWM, even though I gave my opinion.  I'm not looking for backup.  

 

It is not polite for the happy couple to tell the guests what to wear. It is up to the guests to know that an evening church wedding is more formal than an afternoon-at-the-park wedding. So the short answer is that your friend should not indicate on the wedding invitation what her guests should wear. 

 

Your friend might be able to find a copy of Judith Martin's wedding etiquette book at either the library or a bookstore.

[Audrey]

I think the bride wants to put dress guidance because that's how people here seem to do it.  All the invitations I've received in the past couple of years have included commentary about how to dress.

 

Then, I think she should err on the side of requesting the more formal / less casual dress.  When it comes to dress codes, it's best to be as specific as possible. 

[Audrey]

It is not polite for the happy couple to tell the guests what to wear. It is up to the guests to know that an evening church wedding is more formal than an afternoon-at-the-park wedding. So the short answer is that your friend should not indicate on the wedding invitation what her guests should wear. 

 

Your friend might be able to find a copy of Judith Martin's wedding etiquette book at either the library or a bookstore.

 

 

Miss Manners* disagrees with you and instead suggests that the couple-to-be should do their guests a favour and be rather specific in the wording of a dress code.   Perhaps the OP's friend should pick up her more recent book.

 

 

 

* AKA Judith Martin

Edited May 1, 2017 by Audrey

[Audrey]

See, I don't know what church clothes are.  I would think it was ok to wear jeans to church. 

 

I see people leaving church in jeans all the time.   I'm assuming they had them on inside the church, too.  I wouldn't know for sure, though. ;)