This was a mistake (VENT)

[DawnM]

UGH!

 

So I told you in my organizing thread I was spending all of Spring Break cleaning and organizing the house.  I hired an organizer.

 

Today is day 4 of the 5 days she is coming.

 

And I am DONE.  I find all of this BORING and tedious and I honestly want to head back out the garage and tell her to go home.

 

It was going well when she was coming either once per week (Fri afternoons) or every other Fri afternoon.

 

But this all day every day is going to make me scream and I am resenting giving up my vacation time to work on the house.

 

I don't know how she does this for a living.  I would go stark raving mad.

 

And we have the rest of today and ALL STINKIN' DAY tomorrow.

 

Shoot me now.

 

That is all.

[Carol in Cal.]

See, this is why I don't declutter enough.  Because I absolutely HATE doing it.  I'm not a hoarder, I'm a hater, LOL.

[Rebel Yell]

:grouphug:

 

She dos this for a living because she clearly doesn't hate it like so many of us do. Those of us who hate it, just don't do it, which is why we get ourselves into situations where people like her are desperately needed. I wish I could pay someone to help me.

 

Send her my way, LOL!

 

We are giving up a bit of our break for decluttering and getting ready for a major bathroom repair/remodel. I feel your pain, but good gosh I have gotten to the point where I just want something to be finally freaking finished.

[Angie in VA]

See, this is why I don't declutter enough.  Because I absolutely HATE doing it.  I'm not a hoarder, I'm a hater, LOL.

 

 

I might get this slogan printed on t-shirts and bumper stickers. 

[lauraw4321]

I might get this slogan printed on t-shirts and bumper stickers.

Ditto.

[Seeking Squirrels]

See, this is why I don't declutter enough.  Because I absolutely HATE doing it.  I'm not a hoarder, I'm a hater, LOL.

 

This is so true. I feel like a hoarder when I look at my garage or the many piles of STUFF everywhere. But I don't *want* to have all that clutter, I just hate dealing with it!

 

My school room is a disaster right now. We had flooding in the playroom in the basement and had to quickly shove everything next door into the school room. Since we're not homeschooling this year, it wasn't a priority to get that room cleared back out so we just took stuff out bit by bit when needed as we put the playroom back together. It also became a stashing place when we cleaned any other room in the house. Now I'm faced with a full, cluttered but picked-through room that I have to get ready for homeschooling next year. I told myself I was starting on it today.....I notice it's almost 10 and I'm sitting at the computer instead....

[MeghanL]

This is the worst time to give up! You are so close to having everything sorted and put away and then maintaining should be fairly simple. Or, if nothing else, you could be like my DH, and as soon as we organize a space NOTHING is ever allowed to be bought for that space for all eternity, lol!

The end is in sight!!

[scrapbookbuzz]

You know, you DO have the right to just say, "Look, I just can't do anymore of this right now. Can we please schedule these next two (or one) day(s) for a different week?" Or you can choose to grit your teeth, grab yourself a latte or preferred drink of choice, and bear through it. What is your goal here? Think on the goal and see if that helps you be willing to go two more days this week with it. If not, reschedule!

[Mimm]

Try to focus on how happy you'll be when it's all done and how good you'll feel about it. :)

 

I wish I could hire an organizer. Because I hate doing it too. But every time I do manage to get off my butt and get something done, I'm happy with the results.

[mamashark]

I know your pain! About a year ago I had to downsize, which meant going through everything we owned and purging most of it. I reached a point where I wanted to light a match and burn the whole lot down! 

[DawnM]

You know, you DO have the right to just say, "Look, I just can't do anymore of this right now. Can we please schedule these next two (or one) day(s) for a different week?" Or you can choose to grit your teeth, grab yourself a latte or preferred drink of choice, and bear through it. What is your goal here? Think on the goal and see if that helps you be willing to go two more days this week with it. If not, reschedule!

 

 

Yeah, the goal was to get through most of it this week just in case we have to get this house on the market this summer (DH's job may be eliminated at his current company.)

 

Tomorrow is actually a good day for her to be here as DH is at the office (he is home today working and it is making him crazy!)

 

But tomorrow I may end up asking if there is stuff she can do without me (she says there is quite a bit she can do/needs me to not be there for.)

 

Because I have quite a few errands to run that I really don't want to do on the weekend.  I also really need to clean up my bedroom and I don't want her touching my bedroom anymore.  

 

She also wants to throw out stuff I don't want to throw out.  That makes me crazy.  Like she wants to get rid of two 37" TVs because we aren't currently using them, but what she doesn't get is that those are flat screens, small, and if we have to move to CA, they will go with use where the oversized older TVs that weight 75lbs or more won't, those will be donated.  So the other TVs need to stay in storage for now.  In fact, when the house goes on the market, we will be getting rid of the 60" and 50" that are older styles and take up tons of room, but we like the larger TVs for now.

 

You get the idea.  She believes anything that isn't used RIGHT NOW every day, should go.  Um, no.  That roaster we only use for holidays.....we use it.  It frees up oven space.  

 

It is hard to watch other people go through your stuff and call it junk.  

 

But I have to look at the flip side.  I wouldn't do this if she weren't here and we are doing a LOT.  

 

I think it is just that it is overwhelming this week to do it all at once.  And so it is getting on my nerves.

[regentrude]

But the more you hate it, the easier it will be for you to just chuck stuff because you are sick of examining each item and pondering whether to keep it or throw it out. You will just throw.

[Carol in Cal.]

But the more you hate it, the easier it will be for you to just chuck stuff because you are sick of examining each item and pondering whether to keep it or throw it out. You will just throw.

FWIW, it does not work this way for me.

When I get tired of it, I start to feel drawn toward everything.

I have learned to recognize that feeling, and to know that it is when I have to stop because I won't be productive.

[Carol in Cal.]

  

 

She also wants to throw out stuff I don't want to throw out.  That makes me crazy.  Like she wants to get rid of two 37" TVs because we aren't currently using them, but what she doesn't get is that those are flat screens, small, and if we have to move to CA, they will go with use where the oversized older TVs that weight 75lbs or more won't, those will be donated.  So the other TVs need to stay in storage for now.  In fact, when the house goes on the market, we will be getting rid of the 60" and 50" that are older styles and take up tons of room, but we like the larger TVs for now.

 

You get the idea.  She believes anything that isn't used RIGHT NOW every day, should go.  Um, no.  That roaster we only use for holidays.....we use it.  It frees up oven space.  

 

 

Sounds like she's a bit overeager.  Remember that you're the boss.  

[displace]

See, this is why I don't declutter enough. Because I absolutely HATE doing it. I'm not a hoarder, I'm a hater, LOL.

This!

[foxbridgeacademy]

She's probably like me, organizing other peoples stuff is fun.... my own, not so much (I'd probably enjoy it more if I had the $$ for all the cool boxes/bins/shelves).

[momacacia]

Maybe you could take a 3 hour afternoon break, let her do what she does best, and come back to this thread and type out all the tips you've learned!!! Win-win! ðŸ˜â¤

[Barb_]

But the more you hate it, the easier it will be for you to just chuck stuff because you are sick of examining each item and pondering whether to keep it or throw it out. You will just throw.

I work in the opposite direction. I have to feel relaxed in order to throw things out. Stress makes me want to keep everything. I'm all, "I can't think about this now--I'll just leave it here and decide later"

Edited April 13, 2017 by Barb_

[regentrude]

She also wants to throw out stuff I don't want to throw out. ...

You get the idea.  She believes anything that isn't used RIGHT NOW every day, should go.  

 

But isn't that exactly why one hires other people to look at one's possessions with fresh eyes? If the house is bursting with stuff, does it really make sense to store an item you use once a year? 

[Carol in Cal.]

But isn't that exactly why one hires other people to look at one's possessions with fresh eyes? If the house is bursting with stuff, does it really make sense to store an item you use once a year? 

It might, if that's an important annual event.

I mean, I have friends who built a meat smoker in their backyard who don't even hunt.

They have two annual feasts that they prepare for using this.  It's their main entertaining for the year.  They enjoy it immensely.

It's not as easy as 'annual use means toss it'.

 

Now, I would say, if they didn't use it but thought they might use it 'someday', they should get rid of it.  Usually there is plenty of stuff in that category by the time an organizer is hired.

[heartlikealion]

I don't know what you should do but I hope you get to a good stopping place, not stop with say, a pile of stuff you pulled out of the closet staring at you. Because that's something I'd do and have to shove it all back lol

 

During spring break (ours was weeks ago) I stayed home while the kids and dh went to see family. My plan was to clean and organize the house. I had a week and I still didn't get as much done as I would have liked. We still haven't dealt with this pile of children's toys. It's easier for me to stop toys (or other items I guess) from coming in than to get rid of stuff we have. We must own too many clothes because I feel like the laundry is never under control. We are holding onto all these old dvds but almost exclusively watch digital. I can't even organize the dvds because they are too overwhelming. I did shove most in sleeves.

 

Maybe find out what is holding you back. Is it because you might use it? Because you have a sentimental attachment? Think it's worth money and if you chuck it that you are throwing money away? Or you just need a break from this process?

[luuknam]

How about telling her to go home early today, so you're fresh for tomorrow, since tomorrow is apparently a better day for you than today?

[DawnM]

But isn't that exactly why one hires other people to look at one's possessions with fresh eyes? If the house is bursting with stuff, does it really make sense to store an item you use once a year? 

 

 

I have a list of things I will toss WHEN we decide to put the house on the market and we are serious about moving.   In the meantime, I will keep those types of things.

[DawnM]

I don't know what you should do but I hope you get to a good stopping place, not stop with say, a pile of stuff you pulled out of the closet staring at you. Because that's something I'd do and have to shove it all back lol

 

During spring break (ours was weeks ago) I stayed home while the kids and dh went to see family. My plan was to clean and organize the house. I had a week and I still didn't get as much done as I would have liked. We still haven't dealt with this pile of children's toys. It's easier for me to stop toys (or other items I guess) from coming in than to get rid of stuff we have. We must own too many clothes because I feel like the laundry is never under control. We are holding onto all these old dvds but almost exclusively watch digital. I can't even organize the dvds because they are too overwhelming. I did shove most in sleeves.

 

Maybe find out what is holding you back. Is it because you might use it? Because you have a sentimental attachment? Think it's worth money and if you chuck it that you are throwing money away? Or you just need a break from this process?

 

 

It is just too much at once.  Like I mentioned upthread, every Fri afternoon for a few hours was doable.  

 

I don't know how in the world she can do this for a full time job.  I would go crazy.

 

I have a large house.  We have filled it up.  I know that.

 

My boys aren't in scouts (well, only one now) anymore, so a lot of campaign, hiking, etc ....needed to GO.  

 

All that stuff I have collected from yard sales through the years because that was all we could afford and the kids have outgrown.....it needed to GO!  

 

Those are the easy things.

Edited April 13, 2017 by DawnM

[wintermom]

I think you're amazing for doing this, and so smart to have a pro to help you.  You sound like me right near the end of running a marathon, "Why did I agree to do this stupid thing and waste my day?"  The last 2 miles are the WORST.  Keep going, though. Take your "spring vacation" when the timing is perfect for you. You earned it!

[DawnM]

I think you're amazing for doing this, and so smart to have a pro to help you.  You sound like me right near the end of running a marathon, "Why did I agree to do this stupid thing and waste my day?"  The last 2 miles are the WORST.  Keep going, though. Take your "spring vacation" when the timing is perfect for you. You earned it!

 

 

Thanks.  But this is literally my only Spring Break.  I work as a PS teacher right now.  I went back to work this year.

[CadenceSophia]

I say call it quits after today. Give yourself a week to think and then have her back for the last day or whatever else you are up for. It is too stressful to try and make those decisions over and over. You don't want to make decisions you regret, one way or the other. 

 

My cousin is a professional organizer. She loves going through other people's stuff. In her personal life, she is the most insane hoarder. She literally fills her living spaces to the brim, has a full cargo container, storage unit, multiple vehicles just full of STUFF.  Supposedly great, lovely, valuable stuff.  Apparently making decisions for other people is much much easier than for yourself :) 

[DawnM]

I say call it quits after today. Give yourself a week to think and then have her back for the last day or whatever else you are up for. It is too stressful to try and make those decisions over and over. You don't want to make decisions you regret, one way or the other. 

 

My cousin is a professional organizer. She loves going through other people's stuff. In her personal life, she is the most insane hoarder. She literally fills her living spaces to the brim, has a full cargo container, storage unit, multiple vehicles just full of STUFF.  Supposedly great, lovely, valuable stuff.  Apparently making decisions for other people is much much easier than for yourself :)

 

 

I can honestly say this woman is not like that.  I have seen her home.  It is always immaculate and uncluttered.  But I have a feeling she walks behind her kids and tosses their stuff the minute they put it down.

[Soror]

I think you're amazing for doing this, and so smart to have a pro to help you.  You sound like me right near the end of running a marathon, "Why did I agree to do this stupid thing and waste my day?"  The last 2 miles are the WORST.  Keep going, though. Take your "spring vacation" when the timing is perfect for you. You earned it!

I agree with this. To me, while it would stink to have my break filled up the relief of having a HUGE job done would make up for it all. I don't understand keeping stuff to get rid of later, it just takes more time and effort.

 

I am the type that loves simplifying, decluttering, and organizing, I find it supremely satisfying. I don't know how to explain it, I've always thought it would be the perfect career for me.

[klmama]

My SIL used to do this for people.  She's an incredibly low-key person, very matter-of-fact, but never confrontational.  Her clients loved her.  Unfortunately, she developed severe dust and dust mite allergies, so she eventually had to give it up. 

[wintermom]

Thanks.  But this is literally my only Spring Break.  I work as a PS teacher right now.  I went back to work this year.

 

So what would you be doing if you weren't decluttering? Stressing about needing to get it done?  Even though it's hard and annoying and it would be nice to sit and relax, this is probably what needs doing now. You'll survive to get your break another day. You can do this!

[DawnM]

So what would you be doing if you weren't decluttering? Stressing about needing to get it done?  Even though it's hard and annoying and it would be nice to sit and relax, this is probably what needs doing now. You'll survive to get your break another day. You can do this!

 

 

Thanks.

 

Well, I didn't stress about it for 12 years!  HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

 

But it is taking WAY more time than I imagined.  I think she has spent 40 hours, which means I have spent 40 hours and the kids have pitched in here and there, so it will prob. be 100 hours of work when all is said and done.

And then if we have to move this summer, I will have her come back a day or two to tidy up for house showings.

[KungFuPanda]

OMG, keep going. She's the boss of you. You'll be so glad when it's done and you can find everything and cleaning is easier. Last push! You can do anything for a week. Maybe plan a mini vacation for Memorial Day weekend so you have some down time to look forward to.

Edited April 14, 2017 by KungFuPanda

[PentecostalMom]

Yeah, the goal was to get through most of it this week just in case we have to get this house on the market this summer (DH's job may be eliminated at his current company.)

 

Tomorrow is actually a good day for her to be here as DH is at the office (he is home today working and it is making him crazy!)

 

But tomorrow I may end up asking if there is stuff she can do without me (she says there is quite a bit she can do/needs me to not be there for.)

 

Because I have quite a few errands to run that I really don't want to do on the weekend.  I also really need to clean up my bedroom and I don't want her touching my bedroom anymore.  

 

She also wants to throw out stuff I don't want to throw out.  That makes me crazy.  Like she wants to get rid of two 37" TVs because we aren't currently using them, but what she doesn't get is that those are flat screens, small, and if we have to move to CA, they will go with use where the oversized older TVs that weight 75lbs or more won't, those will be donated.  So the other TVs need to stay in storage for now.  In fact, when the house goes on the market, we will be getting rid of the 60" and 50" that are older styles and take up tons of room, but we like the larger TVs for now.

 

You get the idea.  She believes anything that isn't used RIGHT NOW every day, should go.  Um, no.  That roaster we only use for holidays.....we use it.  It frees up oven space.  

 

It is hard to watch other people go through your stuff and call it junk.  

 

But I have to look at the flip side.  I wouldn't do this if she weren't here and we are doing a LOT.  

 

I think it is just that it is overwhelming this week to do it all at once.  And so it is getting on my nerves.

Ugh, this is frustrating and NOT a good tactic on her part.  I am also a personal organizer but am very selective and work rarely, usually one client at a time, one day per week for just a few hours.  It is still YOUR stuff.  If you choose to keep it, then so be it!  It is crazy for her to try to get rid of it, especially higher ticket items and/or things that are not easily replaced.  Stand your ground as kindly as you can and breathe.  The house I am currently working on....well, I go when no one is there.  It is getting done but SLOWLY.  I would like it done NOW, but it is not my house, so we work at her pace.  Client wishes above my own, always.

[DawnM]

OMG, keep going. She's the boss of you. You'll be so glad when it's done and you can find everything and cleaning is easier. Last push! You can do anything for a week. Maybe plan a mini vacation for Memorial Day weekend so you have some down time to look forward to.

 

3 weekends until I go to the beach with my girlfriends, so there is that.....

[Guest]

I work in the opposite direction. I have to feel relaxed in order to throw things out. Stress makes me want to keep everything. I'm all, "I can't think about this now--I'll just leave it here and decide later"

I'm a stress chucker and hubby is a stress hoarder. You can imagine how well that works out.

[eternalsummer]

But the more you hate it, the easier it will be for you to just chuck stuff because you are sick of examining each item and pondering whether to keep it or throw it out. You will just throw.

 

This does work for me. DH has a constant pressure to get rid of things and I constantly acquire things.  When he is in a purging mood there is lots of discussing about what is valid to keep and what not, and eventually I get so tired of defending the keeping of everything that I just say to hell with it, throw it all out or not as you see fit.  Works like a charm :)  If it were up to me we'd have 4 basements full of stuff.

[DawnM]

Now I feel bad.  

 

I told her today that I wanted her to do stuff she could do on her own if possible because I was just kind of done for the week.

 

She decided to leave.  I kept saying, "no, you don't have to leave" but she said, "No, I can tell your boys don't want me here while they are on break and you need a break" and then she left.

I feel like I kicked her out, but I didn't!

 

ARGH!

[FaithManor]

I am a hater, like Carol. But twice a year I kind of lose it a bit and simply fill my van and head to goodwill. I will not have a garage sale, do eBay or craigslist, nor go through a major organizing of it. The end. I do not care if the textbooks are worth selling. Nope. Done.

 

I have those "I am done" moments.

[Anne in CA]

Now I feel bad.  

 

I told her today that I wanted her to do stuff she could do on her own if possible because I was just kind of done for the week.

 

She decided to leave.  I kept saying, "no, you don't have to leave" but she said, "No, I can tell your boys don't want me here while they are on break and you need a break" and then she left.

I feel like I kicked her out, but I didn't!

 

ARGH!

I HATE that! I'm sorry.

[regentrude]

Now I feel bad.  

 

I told her today that I wanted her to do stuff she could do on her own if possible because I was just kind of done for the week.

 

She decided to leave.  I kept saying, "no, you don't have to leave" but she said, "No, I can tell your boys don't want me here while they are on break and you need a break" and then she left.

I feel like I kicked her out, but I didn't!

 

ARGH!

 

Maybe it would be easier for the interpersonal dynamic if she were NOT a friend? This introduces a personal element in a process that is already fraught with emotion for you. perhaps hiring a total stranger to do this job would work better?

[Carol in Cal.]

I am a hater, like Carol. But twice a year I kind of lose it a bit and simply fill my van and head to goodwill. I will not have a garage sale, do eBay or craigslist, nor go through a major organizing of it. The end. I do not care if the textbooks are worth selling. Nope. Done.

 

I have those "I am done" moments.

Yup.  Me, too.  And I have learned to jump on them.  

 

Placing things takes forever and a lot of times it doesn't work in the end.

 

Ex.  I had an inkjet printer that failed and got the next model to replace it.  I had a bag of spare ink cartridges to give away, posted this on a neighborhood elist, got a taker, and then he wasn't available for 2 weeks of back and forths, then he stopped responding.  So I still have them.  I guess I should have just thrown them away, but they are so expensive that I thought I would try.

 

I posted from Harcourt CA Math SE and TE to a local homeschooling list, got two interested takers, and they never would come by to pick them up.  One wanted me to deliver them, the other just kind of disappeared.  Again, these are expensive items, hundreds of dollars new, and I don't live in the boonies.  I still have them.  Ugh.

 

And garage sales are a lot of work--hauling everything outside and pricing it and negotiating and putting away what doesn't sell and spending most of the day out there and holding things for people who never come back or who come back and say they changed their minds, for what?

 

Donating has always worked better for me.  Little Free Libraries are helping me with this--I even put Phonics Pathways in one, and it was taken!  I like to think that someone learned to read because of that. 

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

An organizer shouldn't make people feel like their stuff is junk, imo.

 

Also, the "I can tell your boys don't want me here" was a "flouncy" thing to say. Ugh.

 

I helped my sister declutter. Yes, I was an outside, unattached opinion but I was respectful and kind too. We still managed to recycle, pitch and give away a ton without me being harsh.

 

I'm sorry this ended up stressful for you.

[DawnM]

Maybe it would be easier for the interpersonal dynamic if she were NOT a friend? This introduces a personal element in a process that is already fraught with emotion for you. perhaps hiring a total stranger to do this job would work better?

 

I can't afford someone who won't give me a good rate.

 

What I think I have learned (and this is MY fault, not hers)

 

1. Don't do more than 4-5 hours per week.

2. I SHOULD have had her just do the basement, garage, attic, and kitchen/common areas.  I should NOT have had her step into our bedrooms as I didn't feel comfortable once she was in them, but by that time I has already said she should be in there.  

 

 

But I did not know that about myself before starting.  It is totally on me.  

 

She says the rest she can do without me, she just needed me to sort and toss and pile, etc.....so that is good.  But I think I will tell her to just focus on the common areas (kitchen/living/dining/basement/garage) and the bedrooms can stay as they are.  She wanted to go in and organize my sewing stuff, but it is shared with my youngest son's stuff and honestly, there isn't much and I can do that.  

 

Then, IF we need to sell, I will have her come back.  And maybe I will even have her do a touch up/Spring Clean every 6 months or so, that would actually be helpful.