"Women and men cannot ever be friends." Agree or disagree

[unsinkable]

Poll based on this statement:

 

" I have not encountered medieval attitudes like "women and men cannot ever be friends" before coming here to this board."

[Catwoman]

I don't know anyone who believes than men and women can't be friends.

[QueenCat]

I don't know anyone who believes than men and women can't be friends.

 

I'll bet we'll find some in this group.

[DesertBlossom]

Of course they can be friends. But they can also set limits on certain types of social activities and still be considered friends.

[Catwoman]

I'll bet we'll find some in this group.

I'm sure there will be a few, but I don't think the number will be that high.

 

It's always hard to tell, because sometimes the most vocal people on any topic aren't actually representing the majority of opinions. They're just louder about it. :)

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

 

Of course they can be friends.

[Guest]

I consider it as being friends with an alligator. You could get bitten at any time. I've had plenty of male "friends" who eventually made a move on me. Heck, I'm married to one of them. Lol

[Guest]

I know several who believe that men and women can not be friends. And insecure wives that don't want their men talking to women at all.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes they can be friends. But I have heard people say that they only have male friends as part of a couple. That is not my view though.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sneezyone]

Friends, sure. What kind of friends tho? Smile and wave? Dinner companions? Chat everyday? I think the question is whether people believe men/women in relationships can be trusted to fulfill their relationship obligations and also maintain friendships with other people (men or women).

[heartlikealion]

I voted other because I think there are some guidelines that would differ in some relationships vs others. For example, I doubt many men would care if a woman is friends with a gay guy. But they might have a problem with her hanging out with a straight guy. KWIM? Or maybe the setting would be the determining factors. I know dh considers some women at work friends, but I am not comfortable with certain situations that wouldn't bother me at all if they involved a man. A female invited him over for a drink (just the two of them) at her place. I wouldn't have cared if it had been a man and he could get home safely.

[Catwoman]

Friends, sure. What kind of friends tho? Smile and wave? Dinner companions? Chat everyday? I think the question is whether people believe men/women in relationships can be trusted to fulfill their relationship obligations and also maintain friendships with other people (men or women).

I don't think "smile and wave" counts as being friends, but I certainly don't chat with all of my friends every day or even every week, so I don't think that would be an assumption for any friendship. I assumed that the poll question was asking if men and women can be friends without there being a lot of sexual tension or the temptation to cheat on a spouse with that person.

 

I thought the question was pretty straightforward, unless of course I am completely misinterpreting it... ;)

[TravelingChris]

I have male friends but not close friends.  More like good acquaintances.  Had guys I was friends with think it was more than that.  Don't need that in my life.  So yes both dh and I have friends of opposite sex but not ones who we share  secrets or anything like that. 

[JustEm]

Of course they can be friends. I've got more male friends than female friends, always have. Dh is the only friend I ever had that ended up liking me romantically and vice versa

[Catwoman]

I have male friends but not close friends. More like good acquaintances. Had guys I was friends with think it was more than that. Don't need that in my life. So yes both dh and I have friends of opposite sex but not ones who we share secrets or anything like that.

Maybe I'm unusual in this, but I don't share secrets with any of my friends. I don't see a need for it.

 

Thinking about it, though, I'm not sure what qualifies as a secret. :)

Edited April 1, 2017 by Catwoman

[Sneezyone]

I don't think "smile and wave" counts as being friends, but I certainly don't chat with all of my friends every day or even every week, so I don't think that would be an assumption for any friendship. I assumed that the poll question was asking if men and women can be friends without there being a lot of sexual tension or the temptation to cheat on a spouse with that person.

 

I thought the question was pretty straightforward, unless of course I am completely misinterpreting it... ;)

I dunno. I've never had sexual tension with a male friend of any persuasion.

[Catwoman]

I dunno. I've never had sexual tension with a male friend of any persuasion.

I think it could definitely be possible to be attracted to a male friend (or to a female friend, if you were so inclined.) I think it's very common for two people to be friends first and then end up dating.

 

And even once you're married, it doesn't mean you couldn't be attracted to another person. The problem is when a married person acts on the attraction.

 

 

(Edited for clarity... I hope! :) )

Edited April 1, 2017 by Catwoman

[Garga]

I've been told many, many times that men and women can't be friends. I don't believe it's true.

 

Or maybe it is? That's what they keep telling me? But I don't believe it's true. I think it's true in some cases, but most certainly not all.

 

I had some great work friends who were men. I ate lunch with Frank every single day. If I forgot to stop by his desk when I got in and say hi, he'd come looking to see if I was in that day. It wasn't a big deal, though. We were just work-friends. And I was work-friends with another man at the same place. We worked together in a little office all day long, because we were the only two in the company that did the same job. We used to get into arguments over work stuff and yell at each other and we used to laugh uproariously about things. It was great! We used to tell each other that we were so grateful that we worked together because we had so much fun that it made the job easier to do. The job wouldn't have been half as much fun if we'd had to work with someone else.

 

I never felt attracted to either of them. If either of the men felt anything toward me, they never, ever (ever) let it show. As far as I know, we were just friends.

 

Now, we weren't friends outside of work, so maybe work friends don't count. And once we quit working together, we lost contact pretty much immediately. Though, I did see Frank again about 12 years after I quit, and it was like we had only been apart for a week. Easy friendship.

 

I think they can be friends as long as they're not attracted to each other, but if they are then they can't be friends.

 

But I do believe it's possible for a man and a woman to not be attracted to each other. So, yes. Then they could be friends.

 

I think it's bizarre to assume that every single man and every single woman will be attracted to each other and therefore cannot be friends without wanting sex with each other. Sheesh.

 

And yet, that's what I was taught growing up. But I think people say these things without really thinking too hard about exactly what they're saying or implying.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Garga

[heartlikealion]

I don't think it's hard for someone to be oblivious to the fact that their friend is attracted to them. I don't think just not acting on it is always enough. If it's affecting your actual partner then I see that as a factor to consider. (e.g. your partner is uncomfortable so do you still eat lunch with your workmate?)

[heartlikealion]

I've been told many, many times that men and women can't be friends. I don't believe it's true.

 

Or maybe it is? That's what they keep telling me? But I don't believe it's true. I think it's true in some cases, but most certainly not all.

 

I had some great work friends who were men. I ate lunch with Frank every single day. If I forgot to stop by his desk when I got in and say hi, he'd come looking to see if I was in that day. It wasn't a big deal, though. We were just work-friends. And I was work-friends with another man at the same place. We worked together in a little office all day long, because we were the only two in the company that did the same job. We used to get into arguments over work stuff and yell at each other and we used to laugh uproariously about things. It was great! We used to tell each other that we were so grateful that we worked together because we had so much fun that it made the job easier to do. The job wouldn't have been half as much fun if we'd had to work with someone else.

 

I never felt attracted to either of them. If either of the men felt anything toward me, they never, ever (ever) let it show. As far as I know, we were just friends.

 

Now, we weren't friends outside of work, so maybe work friends don't count. And once we quit working together, we lost contact pretty much immediately. Though, I did see Frank again about 12 years after I quit, and it was like we had only been apart for a week. Easy friendship.

 

I think they can be friends as long as they're not attracted to each other, but if they are then they can't be friends.

 

But I do believe it's possible for a man and a woman to not be attracted to each other. So, yes. Then they could be friends.

 

I think it's bizarre to assume that every single man and every single woman will be attracted to each other and therefore cannot be friends without wanting sex with each other. Sheesh.

 

And yet, that's what I was taught growing up. But I think people say these things without really thinking too hard about exactly what they're saying or implying.

 

I don't know if your office was arranged where you'd pass by each other's desk or have to go out of your way to visit, but this seems like it could easily send mixed signals.

[Anne in CA]

I disagreed, but I think it's hard. I think that there are lots of barriers to opposite sex friendship. 

[Garga]

I don't know if your office was arranged where you'd pass by each other's desk or have to go out of your way to visit, but this seems like it could easily send mixed signals.

Pass each other's desks. And my woman friend, Michele, at work also would pop her head in the office to see if I was there, if I hadn't said hi to her in the morning, too. So, it's just what we did. I was the one who walked past Frank and Michele's desk. If I passed them without saying hi, they'd come looking for me. Because we were friends.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Garga

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't know if your office was arranged where you'd pass by each other's desk or have to go out of your way to visit, but this seems like it could easily send mixed signals.

 

To whom?  I had a similar work friendship with a man at my work  We didn't even work in the same department.  It didn't send any mixed signals to me because I wasn't accepting any romantic signals and would have shut them down if they were sent.  (They weren't.)  And since I wasn't sending any romantic signals and he never acted as if I were, it wasn't a problem there either.  If people had gossiped about it then I would have told them to get their mind out of the gutter.  We were going to the local Chinese buffet, not for a roll in the hay. 

[Garga]

And, to add to the mix, my dh worked for the same company at the same time, but mostly on a different floor. He was in IT so he knew everyone in the company.

 

One coworker thought I was married to Frank for a about a year, because Frank and I ate lunch together and she knew that my husband worked for the company, too. She was surprised to find out I was actually married to the IT guy. But my dh had a different enough schedule from me that he wasn't at lunch when I was.

 

DH was never threatened by it. And he often popped out with the women in IT for lunch, sometimes alone with a woman to get a burger at Wendy's in the next parking lot.

 

ETA most of our lunches were in the breakroom.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Garga

[wapiti]

Of course they can be friends.  But, the thread would be incomplete without the movie reference

[amy g.]

I have many friends who are men, and a lot of them have been my friend since we were about 12. We have stayed friends since then, and romantic feelings have never entered the equation at all. If we are in the same town, we go to lunch to catch up. Dh says, "Have fun and give Bill a hug from me!"

 

The previous owner of this house lived here an lost 40 years. When I moved in, her friends, both male and female adopted me. My kids will even say, "We need to call Mr. Baggins. It has been too long since he visited!"

 

There are people I love as a friend and I just don't see how gender has anything to do with it.

[Carrie12345]

I voted other, because to say they can't would mean I think people who say they are are lying, and that's just not fair.

 

By my personal definition of "friends", I've never had a male friend that didn't either become, want to become, or try to become something else.

I do have male acquaintances, some of whom I call friends, but they're really dh's friends.  We "acquaint" just fine, and I'm not interested in becoming close friends, let alone anything else.

[EmseB]

Of course men and women can be friends. Although, I found this video hysterical.

 

[elegantlion]

Two of my best friends are male, one married one not. Yes, you can be friends without it being weird.

[Garga]

Of course men and women can be friends. Although, I found this video hysterical.

 

https://youtu.be/T_lh5fR4DMA

I saw that years ago and thought, "Huh, I guess I'm wrong and all my man friends were secretly wanting to date ??" But then I put on my critical thinking hat and had to wonder if the video was edited to give the answer the video people wanted to give. Edited April 1, 2017 by Garga

[EmseB]

I saw that years ago and thought, "Huh, I guess I'm wrong and all my man friends were secretly wanting to date ??" But then I put on my critical thinking hat and had to wonder if the video was edited to give the answer the video people wanted to give.

Of course it was edited and not a reasonable sample size. And they were all college aged, too. I just thought it was funny that all those girls considered their guy friends friends, even though they assumed those same guys wanted to hook up with them given the chance.

[redsquirrel]

I have several male friends and NONE have every 'hit' on me.

 

I can't say the same for all my female friends.

[Mergath]

I would say MARRIED people shouldn't have close opposite sex friends.  So I wasn't sure how to vote. 

 

This makes me sad. Should those of us who are married and bisexual never have any close friends, then?

[Heatherwith4]

This makes me sad. Should those of us who are married and bisexual never have any close friends, then?

I was just about to ask this. What if you are bisexual? Are you never supposed to have friends then?

[Mergath]

I was just about to ask this. What if you are bisexual? Are you never supposed to have friends then?

 

My guess is that the same people who think it's never appropriate to have a close friend of the opposite sex would also be the ones to say we just shouldn't be bisexual. :(

[EmseB]

I was just about to ask this. What if you are bisexual? Are you never supposed to have friends then?

What if people that have differences of opinion just...have differences of opinion? And then don't really worry about who other people choose to befriend or not?

[KungFuPanda]

I think if you're married to someone who wants to isolate you from your friends, then you're not living in a healthy situation. Do we just ditch our friends when we get married? I still have army buddies and school friends from before I got married!

[FaithManor]

I was just about to ask this. What if you are bisexual? Are you never supposed to have friends then?

I agree. And I tried to like this comment. But because I have been naughty and limped out all my likes, I cannot do it. Sniff sniff....

 

Susan, Rosie, I want my likes back!

[FaithManor]

My guess is that the same people who think it's never appropriate to have a close friend of the opposite sex would also be the ones to say we just shouldn't be bisexual. :(

Exactly. Many of them would call this a sin, and not be the slightest concern about bisexual people being isolated.

[Guest]

Meh. Nevermind.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Kinsa

[Guest]

Agreed Karen.

 

Well, I agreed before your edit anyway :)

Edited April 1, 2017 by Arctic Mama

[Guest]

Agreed Karen.

 

Well, I agreed before your edit anyway :)

Yeah, I got floors to mop. No time to quibble. Lol

Edited April 1, 2017 by Kinsa

[MercyA]

Agreed Karen.

 

Well, I agreed before your edit anyway :)

 

Dang, I missed it. 

 

That's what I get for being away from the forum for, like, two whole hours.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't have a yes/no answer.  I think they CAN, but I think certain levels of friendship might be problematic in certain situations.  I could be BFFs with a woman friend.  We could talk on the phone every day, hang out all the time, etc.  But how would my husband feel if I did the same with a male friend?  He isn't particularly jealous, but I think he might not like that so much.  But a more casual male friend, sure I think he'd be fine with that. 

 

In general, I find men's personalities (being extremely general here) more appealing.  But I don't pursue friendships with men.

 

 

[Catwoman]

My guess is that the same people who think it's never appropriate to have a close friend of the opposite sex would also be the ones to say we just shouldn't be bisexual. :(

Maybe or maybe not, but at least you wouldn't have to be friends with any of them. ;)

[unsinkable]

Dang, I missed it.

 

That's what I get for being away from the forum for, like, two whole hours.

Kinsa said she thinks of all dogs as boys and all cats as girls and that they can only be friends if they are raised together as puppies and kitties.

 

And AM agreed.

Edited April 1, 2017 by unsinkable

[Catwoman]

Dang, I missed it.

 

That's what I get for being away from the forum for, like, two whole hours.

I was only gone for about 20 minutes and I missed it, too. :laugh:

[unsinkable]

I was only gone for about 20 minutes and I missed it, too. :laugh:

See post 48

[Garga]

I voted other. I think there are people out there, of either gender, who tend to view most people of their preferred orientation as having "potential". I think it is very difficult for those sorts of people to have relationships that are "just friends." But I don't think everyone is like that.

 

 

I agree with this.  I know a few people who seem to view the opposite gender--ALL of the opposite gender--as if they weren't quite human almost: they view them as completely "other."  

 

They're the ones who think men are from Mars and women are from Venus and their brains work completely oppositely and blah blah blah.  (Which I think is mostly a lot of hooey.)

 

It's people who see everyone as just plain, ol' people that can be friends with anyone without a lot of drama about it.

[heartlikealion]

To whom?  I had a similar work friendship with a man at my work  We didn't even work in the same department.  It didn't send any mixed signals to me because I wasn't accepting any romantic signals and would have shut them down if they were sent.  (They weren't.)  And since I wasn't sending any romantic signals and he never acted as if I were, it wasn't a problem there either.  If people had gossiped about it then I would have told them to get their mind out of the gutter.  We were going to the local Chinese buffet, not for a roll in the hay. 

 

To the other party or the office workers that saw day after day so and so walked over to this person's desk (like I said that was if the desk wasn't on their way. If they had to go out of their way to stop by the desk to say hi. Then later in the day eat lunch together. It would seem kinda like overkill. At least to me if my dh were wandering around an office to greet a woman each day and then eating with her each day. I would hate that).