DH Thinks I'm Weird - Roadside Crosses

[goldberry]

Whenever I see a roadside cross or memorial, I always wonder about what happened there.  If we have time, I stop and look and see the name or what is written there. DH humors me.  Sometimes I look it up later on the internet.  I've actually thought about starting a notebook about it.

 

Is it odd that I find this interesting?  First I have always just been curious about that method of grieving, a certain attachment to the place of something happening.  Second, it just gives me a reminder of all the lives that just come and go, mostly unnoticed in the world.

 

I like old graveyards also, and reading the names and what is written on them.

 

Anyone else do anything like this? Surely I can't be the only one... 

[TranquilMind]

I love old cemeteries.  Check out the ones in Williamsburg if you ever get a chance.  There are entire stories on full length stones. 

 

Most of my family is gone, and once in awhile we go spend some time wandering a few cemeteries to "see" them. 

 

About the roadside thing, I don't know.  No experience, but I think I would rather not memorialize the death, but the life (unless some special event occurred there). 

[Jennay]

When I see one of those roadside memorials, I usually make the sign of the cross and say a quick prayer for the soul of the person that died.

[kewb]

I love old cemeteries. I can wander in there for hours. I have never stopped at a roadside cross but I have certainly wondered as I drove past.

[marbel]

I don't think it's weird that you are interested.  

[MercyA]

You're not weird; I find them interesting, too. (Oops, logical fallacy!)

[Outdoorsy Type]

It makes me too sad, but I can understand the interest.

[UCF612]

I've looked up names from roadside crosses on the Internet before. I'm fascinated by finding out how things happened. My husband thinks I'm nuts too but that one is minor compared to other things about me!

 

ETA I do find them very sad and for me knowing what happened feels like both a way to remember someone who died even if I don't know them and it plays into my anxiety. I almost feel like if I know I can prevent it from happening again to my loved ones. I'm also really fascinated by mysteries.

Edited October 13, 2016 by UCF612

[Guest]

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Edited September 9, 2020 by Æthelthryth the Texan

[Tangerine]

I love cemeteries, but I do not like roadside memorials.  The weathered rained on teddy bears and dead flowers. Thankfully, I've never needed anything like that, but from my privileged position I don't understand them very well.

[Bluegoat]

No, I don't think it's weird.

 

I've wondered what it is that has made them popular though, because they were not always a thing.  The best I've come up with is that they relate to a decrease in more traditional locations to memorialize the dead.  I tend to think it's generally better to have things like graveyards or other memorial locations, I don't really like the roadside ones - they can get messy and sad-looking, they often aren't a good place for mourners to come, they can be undesirable for the people who happen to live near or next to them, And they really seem to put the focus on the location of the death.

[Stacia]

I've wondered what it is that has made them popular though, because they were not always a thing.  The best I've come up with is that they relate to a decrease in more traditional locations to memorialize the dead.  I tend to think it's generally better to have things like graveyards or other memorial locations, I don't really like the roadside ones - they can get messy and sad-looking, they often aren't a good place for mourners to come, they can be undesirable for the people who happen to live near or next to them, And they really seem to put the focus on the location of the death.

 

I agree.

 

I find the popularity of them odd.

 

And, some of the locations of them are dangerous, not only to people who put out/maintain/add things to the site, but also to others (mainly motorists) who may have to avoid the ones visiting or maintaining the site.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In our area they are more common with people of Hispanic ethnicity.  Of course, not all are, though. 

[Scarlett]

Well a couple of things. A cross. And then why memorialize the spot a dead loved one died? We don't do that if they die in hospitals, or at home....just car accidents sites.

 

But I am interested in dead people. Lol....I love old cemeteries and I can spend hours walking around getting lost in my head as to how it happened that 3 family members all died in the same year or whatever.

[goldberry]

Well a couple of things. A cross. And then why memorialize the spot a dead loved one died? We don't do that if they die in hospitals, or at home....just car accidents sites.

 

But I am interested in dead people. Lol....I love old cemeteries and I can spend hours walking around getting lost in my head as to how it happened that 3 family members all died in the same year or whatever.

 

It's kind of the same concept as a cemetery though, wondering what happened, etc.  I am curious about the attachment to the spot.  It's almost like a glimpse into the moment when a family's life changed.  

 

I would never do it myself, as I don't feel attachment to even cemeteries really... it's more about the moment, and the story that makes me curious.  And the motivation that keeps someone coming back to that spot.  

[goldberry]

When I used to live in Texas there were definitely more, and it was often an Hispanic thing.  But also when there are so many on certain roads, I feel like people sometimes do it to remind others to be careful and safe.  It's a good reminder, it always makes me stop and think.

Edited October 14, 2016 by goldberry

[goldberry]

I agree.

 

I find the popularity of them odd.

 

And, some of the locations of them are dangerous, not only to people who put out/maintain/add things to the site, but also to others (mainly motorists) who may have to avoid the ones visiting or maintaining the site.

 

This is true, which is why I don't often stop.

 

Near here there was a motorcycle fatality.  A year after, the family was there when the highway people put up one of those "in memory of" signs.  When the brother was leaving, he pulled out on his motorcycle and was hit.  There was speculation it was intentional.  It was just so strange.

[goldberry]

I don't begrudge them the memorials but it's very depressing. 

 

I guess that's the thing, I doesn't make me feel depressed, it makes me thoughtful.  

 

You know, I tend to read what people call dark books, often about sad subjects.  I like being provoked to think, and the sad subjects don't always make me sad or down, they just make me think bigger thoughts about the world and about the people in it, and what others go through.

[poppy]

I find them very upsetting.

Every time I see a roadside memorial, I picture bloody mangled corpses. 

And then I picture the body of my brother after his accident.

I understand it is a thing outside my culture, it is a way of mourning respectfully.

I would never, ever tell someone who got comfort from them that she is wrong.

But I hate them.

[goldberry]

 

Every time I see a roadside memorial, I picture bloody mangled corpses. 

 

 

Okay... you may have just turned me off of them right there.  I usually think first about the family or whoever put up the memorial.

[poppy]

I'm sorry, that wasn't my intent.  I didn't really have an intent.  This topic hits too close to home for me and I get emotional. 

But the truth is, my reaction is probably way more inappropriate than yours, which honors the victims and the frailty of life in a rather lovely way.

And  honestly, I like some weird stuff too. 

[nd293]

I'm the same! I never stop at the memorials because here they're mostly not in places you can easily stop and while I'm interested I'm not especially keen to become the subject of a memorial myself. I do look them up online if I can see the name though. And where I know the story I often think of the incident that led to the memorial (the drunk 16 year old who was running into the road and hit by a drunk guest from her own birthday party - that one really plays on my mind).

 

I love cemeteries too.

 

Roadside memorials are interesting. They weren't a thing where I grew up, in South Africa but on the other side of the same country they were. They are here in Australia, at least where we live. Not in the three Arabic countries I've travelled in (and obviously those wouldn't be crosses, but no memorials of any type). Very popular in Greece. I was quite stressed by how many on one stretch of mountainous road we travelled.

[City Mouse]

I enjoy old cemeteries. I don't think that is very unusual.

 

I don't really understand the appeal of a roadside memorial, especially the ones around where I live. All the local ones are for people who died due to their own negligence (either dui or speed related, all single car accidents).

I hope there are better ways to remember someone that just the way they died, but that is what I think of when I pass those markers.

[goldberry]

This topic hits too close to home for me and I get emotional. 

 

I'm sorry... :grouphug:

[Little Nyssa]

But people put up the crosses and memorials BECAUSE they want their loved one to be remembered. I'd say you are doing exactly right.

[DesertBlossom]

I have assumed it was mostly a hispanic thing.

 

Mostly, I feel bad that so much emphasis is placed on the exact location of their death. If it were one of my family, I would rather memorialize their life somehow. It seems like it would be that much harder to move past a tragic accident like that when constantly reminding oneself of it. But, maybe that's how they grieve.

[rose]

I like cemeteries too. I've always thought that some anthropologist should produce a picture book about the grieving process of people around the world or maybe cemeteries of the world. I'd love to look at either of those. It fascinates me how people's religious views factor into their grief rituals.

[Tap]

I find them very upsetting.

Every time I see a roadside memorial, I picture bloody mangled corpses. 

And then I picture the body of my brother after his accident.

I understand it is a thing outside my culture, it is a way of mourning respectfully.

I would never, ever tell someone who got comfort from them that she is wrong.

But I hate them.

:iagree: They are very depressing to me. I imagine the last moments of the person, and the stress and sorrow of the living people affected.  Those involved in the accident, the people who discovered/witnessed the accident, and those who will grieve. They are very distracting to me.  

[Bluegoat]

I do like graveyards.

 

I do feel like having roadside memorials in public spaces can be hard for some people.  My sister had a friend who died in a motorcycle accident as a teen, and her frieiends and the family created a memorial at the spot, on the telephone pole.  But it was at the bottom of someone's yard, and those people kept cleaning up the stuff.  THe dead boy's friends and family were really upset about this, but I think you know - maybe the famiy that lives there found having a dead body on their lawn upsetting as well.

 

To me, thinking about death isn't really about where an individual died, it's a bigger question than that.

[Scarlett]

I guess that's the thing, I doesn't make me feel depressed, it makes me thoughtful.

 

You know, I tend to read what people call dark books, often about sad subjects. I like being provoked to think, and the sad subjects don't always make me sad or down, they just make me think bigger thoughts about the world and about the people in it, and what others go through.

Once I stopped at a turnout on a mountain road near where I grew up....and there was a cross and tucked in the cross was a handwritten note. I took it out and started reading it.....it was clearly from a teen girl to a teen boy who had died there. It was so creepy to me. As if I were reading her diary.

 

I didn't even read the entire note. I just put I back... It made me really sad though. I knew I could have figured out who died there and who wrote the note....but I didnt even try.

[Slartibartfast]

I think people mostly put up the roadside memorials to remind people to be cautious and that people can be killed on the roads we travel everyday.

[Maus]

I think it's like reading a memoir.  Acknowledging their stories.  An act of respect.

 

I've never stopped or looked up a roadside cross, but my late father was a professional genealogist, so hanging out reading stones in the cemetery seems perfectly normal to me.

 

I heard that the roadside crosses came out of the Hispanic Catholic idea that you need to put a cross as close as possible to where the soul departed the body to help protect the soul, but I don't know if that's true.  (I can't remember where I heard it, so I couldn't say if it was a reliable source.)  

[happi duck]

I feel like around here they've been around a long time and are not associated with one group.

 

To me it seemed to start when drunk driving was first really being cracked down upon.

 

I agree with others that they are often meant to be a reminder.

[J-rap]

I don't mind the roadside crosses at all, though I've never stopped to look at one.  Usually they're along highways where it wouldn't be safe to just pull over and stop.  But, I never thought that was the purpose of those crosses (stopping to look at them).  I see them as reminders that a life was tragically lost and that we as drivers need to always be vigilant.  

 

When I'm in a cemetery, I like to take in a few plots/tombstones.  I read the information that is there and imagine what their lives were like.  

[nd293]

I think people mostly put up the roadside memorials to remind people to be cautious and that people can be killed on the roads we travel everyday.

That's the primary effect for me. Especially if there are multiple memorials along a single stretch of road. It makes me more conscious of what I'm doing. More respectful, perhaps, of the power we have when behind the wheel.

[The Girls' Mom]

I find them very upsetting.

Every time I see a roadside memorial, I picture bloody mangled corpses. 

And then I picture the body of my brother after his accident.

I understand it is a thing outside my culture, it is a way of mourning respectfully.

I would never, ever tell someone who got comfort from them that she is wrong.

But I hate them.

I'm the same way.  My dh's best friend died in a motorcycle accident.  Just a few months later, someone else died in the same spot and they put up a cross memorial there.  I can't drive by that spot without picturing what happened to dh's friend and all the sorrow that came afterwards.