Shameless brag and a seeking thoughts about shamelessly bragging on social media about college-aged children

[Hoggirl]

Shameless brag - my ds earned a 4.0 this quarter! His grades have been consistently strong, but this was his first 4.0. His school has plusses and minuses, so a single A- prevented the elusive 4.0 winter quarter. This time he had an A+ of equal weight to balance out his A- yay!

 

I have friends who post this type of info about their college-aged children on their FB timelines. Photos of letters making the Dean's/Chancellor's list along with listing the specific GPA for the semester/quarter. I will freely confess that I was pretty brag-y on FB about ds when he was in high school - probably more than I should have been especially with regard to college admissions/scholarships, etc. However, even then I never posted specific grades or test scores (had friends who did post those). I still occasionally post about ds and what he is doing but in a more "Ds finished his sophomore year of college and this is what he's doing this summer," sort of way. Just general info. "He loves it, he's doing great," etc.

 

I feel like I can safely, shamelessly brag here. Don't most of you feel this way? But do you share this type of info on social media? I think ds would be mortified if I was this specific.

 

Just curious.

 

ETA: Ack! Sorry for the typo in the title.

Edited June 17, 2016 by Hoggirl

[marbel]

Congratulations to your son!

 

What is his preference?   My kids don't like me to post about them on social media at all.  I did get my son to give me permission to share a photo of him graduating from volunteer firefighter training.  The photo was on his fire company's page and I just shared it on mine.  He almost didn't give me permission to do even that.   If you think your son would be embarrassed by it, don't do it. :-)

 

I am happy to see good news about other peoples' kids but sometimes people just do it too much or they go overboard with praise and trolling for likes/comments. I don't know where the line is, LOL.  I just know it when I see it.  And it can vary with the person/circumstances. 

[snowbeltmom]

I don't post anything on social media, but I do here.  I feel like we are all in this homeschooling gig together and are genuinely excited for the successes of the hive kids.

 

Congrats to your son on the 4.0!

[Arcadia]

I'll ask him before posting. My alma mater post the names of Dean's list on the faculty's notice board. Some of my engin classmates found it embarassing that it was common knowledge they made Dean's list.

 

One of my friends brag post on her high school son is so over the top and she tag her son in that post so all his friends can see her brag post. It was kind of awkward.

[Luckymama]

I brag about things like older dd's internship this summer (super competitive) and when The Boy got The Job. I have never posted anything about Dean's List, despite the older two being on it every single semester. I don't tag the kids in those posts. The Boy is on facebook under an alias because of work.

 

Darn tootin' I'm going to brag about dd's acceptances and scholarships! (No number specifics, though) All the high schools do so---why shouldn't I?

[G5052]

I'm rarely on social media as it is. 

 

My oldest was inducted into the college honor society in April, and I posted a picture. That was it. Nothing on scholarships, President's/Dean's List, etc.

 

I have plenty of friends whose college kids are struggling in various ways, and I figure that too much of it just rubs it in IMHO. Mine want some privacy anyway.

[regentrude]

I do not share my kids' grades on facebook. Usually I would just post something along the lines of "DD had another great year" 

If I want to post something personal about DD on this board, I ask her permission first.

 

ETA: I also did not publicly share which to colleges DD was accepted (I did in the acceptance thread here); I only posted when she had made the decision, "DD will attend U Chicago in the fall".

 

 

Edited June 17, 2016 by regentrude

[creekland]

I don't have a FB account, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok there.  My guys share what they want.  Hubby has an account, but doesn't share anything about the guys.  He just likes their posts when they make them (and they don't post grades).

 

I share on here and some on CC to try to help others who are coming behind.  My guys know this and don't mind.

 

Middle son has a cumulative 3.96 GPA (he's had 3 A-'s in his life).  Youngest has a 3.05 GPA and is quite content with that.   :coolgleamA:   I would like youngest to put in more effort...  :glare:  but it's his life.  He has some of his dad's genes.  That happens.  And FWIW, his dad is a great engineer earning us a decent living even though he graduated with a 2.0 GPA.  He just didn't want to put extra time into studying or papers, etc.  Ever since he's actually been on the job he has excelled and still does.  GPA isn't everything.  At least my guy's 3.05 is a little higher (and he gets As in classes he really likes)!

[Hoggirl]

Thanks for all the replies and thoughts.

 

No need to ask ds as I know he wouldn't want me posting the GPA on FB. I feel like I have a good sense of what is and isn't acceptable to him. I absolutely err on the side of asking if I have any uncertainty at all. He texted a pic of him and two friends from the Rose Bowl, and I asked if I could post it. He said not to because it wasn't his photo - it was one of his friends. Some things - like cute throwback Thursday pics from when he was little - get posted regardless! He has no say on those! Ha ha! He doesn't seem to mind, and I would absolutely stop if be asked me to, but I think he enjoys the little kid pics, too! And, I abstain from any "nekkid" photos even as a tiny infant.

I do get it. I see lots of braggy photos of younger kids with accomplishments of all kinds - school, sports, music, art, etc. I like them. I guess I just feel like there is a point where the children have more claim to those things than the parents do. To me, that is when college starts. I'll certainly post when he graduates (assuming he does). His school does not have Latin Honors, but I would add that if it did, and he earned them.

 

I did tell him to text the grandparents. Otherwise, they will ask the next time I talk, and, again, I feel like it's HIS news, not mine.

[Mom22ns]

I would never post grades on any social media. Like others, I ask permission before posting anything about my kids on social media. The kids get to approve pictures or videos too. My kids would be horrified if I posted grades. I have never posted anything about how they were doing academically beyond milestones such as graduation or started college. 

 

I am embarrassed for kids (of any age) whose parents post too freely about them on FB. I might share something about academic accomplishments in a face-to-face conversation with a friend I know cares and also has kids that are achieving academically, but never in a broader public arena.

 

I also have a kid with multiple LDs and I know how it feels to listen to the brags of a group when you can't join in. I am very proud of my LD kiddo, but I can only brag with other LD parents who get how big his accomplishments, which would seem sort of average to most people, really are for him.

[Garga]

I talk more openly about my kids here than on FB. Here there is an element on annonymity and I feel safe here. We are all fellow homeschoolers and get each other. On FB my friends are mostly non-homeschoolers and might get funny/sensitive about homeschool issues.

 

On FB I check with the boys before I post something. I'm not sure I've ever bragged about their school work on FB. I try not to. I may have done in the past, but in general I don't.

 

A friend posted her daughter's test scores (in PA we have to take standardized tests in 3rd, 5th, and 8th) and I cringed. I don't think a kid's entire battery of test scores should be posted online. I can see someone sharing an A on a report or something, but not the entire score sheet from a standardized test.

[hornblower]

I keep posting things on this board & then having to go back & delete :lol:

 

Mostly because on 2nd thought I realize it's not the right thing to do for me/us.  There's a point where I think it's just not my story to tell anymore.  

I rarely post anything about my kids on FB except on our homeschool specific groups where we talk about how to navigate our specific post secondary system.  Even there I try to keep it generic...though there were a couple times when I was provoked into a smackdown (when naysayers were saying people who took a specific route wouldn't do well in post sec) and I posted about dd's grades just to show this person was horribly misinformed.  :coolgleamA:

[hopskipjump]

A HUGE congrats to your ds !!! That's fantastic!!

 

I post heavily-edited things about dd, but I imagine that will change quite a bit now that she's an adult. I mainly post things so that family know what she's up to (SHE doesn't post to social media at all on her own volition. Snapchat only... which doesn't go to family).

 

I've never posted test scores or grades, but did post one of the scholarship offers dd received (and afterwards realized that, since it was an automatic scholarship, someone could have looked the info up and determined her "minimum" test score... But figured no one would bother going through that much trouble, so I left it, but left out future offers.)

 

That's why this board is such a wonderful resource where we could ask questions and mention things about our students without fretting over judgment or jealousy or busy-bodies or whatever. I was/am genuinely happy for each and every happy post here - it's so exciting!!!!!!

Edited June 18, 2016 by hopskipjump

[elegantlion]

I generally don't, but ds made the President's List this semester (4.0). With his permission, I shamelessly posted a picture of the certificate on facebook for a specific relative to see. I'm so mean. :coolgleamA: This person was adamant that ds would flunk out of college within the first two weeks, despite never really knowing how we operated our homeschool. They cornered me last summer to "warn me" about he wouldn't be able to handle it. I didn't post last semester because I didn't think about it, but after hearing some rather absurd comments from them through the family grapevine, I decided to brag a bit. 

 

But generally, no, I keep ds's brags off facebook. It's his private information, he doesn't like social media for a variety of reasons, and because I'm a student at the same university I prefer to not share specific grade related stuff. 

[bettyandbob]

How does your ds feel.

 

I also don't brag a lot. When I do I don't tag my dc. My FB friends know who I am talking about.

 

ETA congrats to your ds on a fantastic term !

Edited June 18, 2016 by Diana P.

[MerryAtHope]

I only post on social media with my kids' permission. 

 

Congrats to your son!

Edited June 18, 2016 by MerryAtHope

[J-rap]

I don't post on social media, and I'm generally uncomfortable about bragging, anywhere.  But, I'm sure I do here from time to time.  :)

 

I'm always worried that I'll come off as arrogant or sounding like I'm putting some things above more important things like kindness, honesty, etc.  It's often hard for me to talk about my kids' accomplishments even with my good friends.  I think it's little easier here though because people are mostly anonymous.  I do genuinely enjoy reading about others' children's accomplishments on these boards though!  

 

Congrats to your son! 

 

 

 

 

[creekland]

I think it's also generally more anonymous on here because we don't use names.  I use things like "youngest son" and most (all?) of us do something similar.

 

On FB, folks know exactly who's being talked about.

 

On here some I keep in touch with more closely know (and probably some lurkers), but not the majority of those reading.

[AFwife Claire]

My dh comes from a larger family, and my sils like to post these sorts of things about their children.  I really don't, mainly because I have a strong support network around me so have never felt the need.  

 

I did, however, post a picture of the letter announcing ds1 had made the commandant's list his first semester.  There had been some whispers from these extended family members (all of whom like to gossip about each other!) that maybe ds wouldn't be able to hack it there.  Posting the picture quieted the gossip, and I didn't feel the need to do it again for the second semester!  I also didn't tag ds in the picture.  He did know what I was doing (and why, lol), and he was fine with it.  Again, though, not something I would do on a regular basis!

[Arcadia]

My friend who went overboard bragging about her son's high school achievements in an electronic poster she made had tag her son and husband on Facebook to that post. Her son wasn't running for office in school so not an election campaign thing.

 

The post is accessible by:

her colleagues past and present

Church friends

Ex-schoolmates from elementary school days all the way to college days

Her husband's colleagues, ex-schoolmates

Her kid's classmates and friends

Their extended family

 

It is almost like taking out a newspaper ad in the local papers. I don't mind her post and I like her kids, but I thought it was oversharing.

 

My dh comes from a larger family, and my sils like to post these sorts of things about their children.

My hubby's extended family post achievements into the family only private group. So it just shorten the communication chain. His family would ask anyway out of curiosity and worry. I have fun reading the brags and seeing the photos. Edited June 18, 2016 by Arcadia

[AK_Mom4]

I brag about my kids on Facebook only with their permission.

 

I brag about my kids here because it is sort-of anonymous.

 

I try not to brag too much about my kids in real life except to their grandparents and other close relatives.

 

Congratulations!!

[Grantmom]

What luckymama said is what I think about too.  I don't want to seem like I'm bragging, but at the same time, all the public school students around here get recognition for every little thing, the big championship game win, the Dean's list students, the star of the play, whatever it is.  It's all usually in the paper, or touted by the school, etc.  And honestly, I just want to share it so family and friends know about these things, because they want to know these things.  At the same time, I am always hesitant.  It's a struggle.

[quark]

I haven't read all pps but was wondering if anyone has this happen...my son actually asks that I brag about him. :laugh: But I normally don't. I do brag here sometimes but go back and delete. On FB I mention things like "another successful year completed" and then I talk about my dogs or share something educational or from HONY (Humans of New York). :laugh:

 

We live far away from family and even with family on FB, no one really understands what we do so we don't have anyone other than a very small group of close friends in real life to brag to. He doesn't get grandparents' or aunties' or extended family's attention (almost never) like many here do so I understand why he wants that attention sometimes. It gets lonely just celebrating with mom or dad. But most of the time he is half joking more than anything else about wanting me to share.

 

I do feel much safer here than on FB.

 

Congrats to your son! I think that's a remarkable achievement because I have heard how hard some of those classes are. Please share more! :thumbup:

[creekland]

What luckymama said is what I think about too.  I don't want to seem like I'm bragging, but at the same time, all the public school students around here get recognition for every little thing, the big championship game win, the Dean's list students, the star of the play, whatever it is.  It's all usually in the paper, or touted by the school, etc.  And honestly, I just want to share it so family and friends know about these things, because they want to know these things.  At the same time, I am always hesitant.  It's a struggle.

 

This is part of the reason the general masses think ps is always better than hs.  They "see" the results from their ps.  When homeschoolers keep quiet, it leads to folks assuming nothing "good" happens there.

 

That's another reason I post on here.  Kids can do VERY well homeschooling.  Of course, they can also be "normal" too.  We have the whole bell curve just like ps does.

 

I was very pleased to read in our local newspaper that homeschoolers won the Envirothon competition in the next county over and came in 5th in the state:

 

http://www.yorkccd.org/

 

(I read it in the newspaper, but that is a link all can see.  Other years they've won too.)

 

It can be very helpful for all to see that we have capable kids (and parents).  

[creekland]

Actually, since that's just the Conservation Dept link, it will probably change before long.  Here's a link to a similar newspaper story:

 

http://www.ydr.com/story/life/announcements/2016/05/23/york-county-envirothons-results/84652594/

 

Note the middle schoolers and 3rd/4th graders won too.  

[Hoggirl]

^ When ds started at his charter school, the team to beat at Model Arab League was the homeschoolers!

[Grantmom]

That's why I love reading when people share here.  It's inspiring to me to see all the cool things homeschoolers are doing, and I love hearing these stories.  So, I say, brag away!!   :thumbup:

[creekland]

That's why I love reading when people share here.  It's inspiring to me to see all the cool things homeschoolers are doing, and I love hearing these stories.  So, I say, brag away!!   :thumbup:

 

Ditto.  When I contemplate leaving since I'm well past homeschooling years and am getting too old for some of the nonsense on some (other) threads, the one thing that tends to bring me back is my interest in how other people's kids are doing.  When I read things on here - even "average" things - it gives me hope for the world, esp compared to the daily news.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I tend to be quite reserved about my kids on Facebook (I'm not on other social media).  I don't post photos of my kids and only occasionally post about what they are doing.  We do send out emails to close family with photos and commentary a couple times a week.

 

Our parents know that the kids are doing well, that the oldest earned a full tuition scholarship, etc.  I haven't shared the details of the latest test scores.

 

I have a fair number of teachers or former teachers in my FB feed.  I guess I could share more about academics, but given that I'm not sharing much kid stuff at all it doesn't happen.  (This is more out of concern over privacy than anything else.)

 

I will confess to slight irritation a couple times this year.  One acquaintance posted photos from the high school awards ceremony that showed the college name with the dollar amount of the kid's scholarship on a huge screen behind the kid.  Another friend kept posting trip reports from sports recruiting trips for her football player son.  The fact that he was invited to a weekend visit to schools that are selective based on academics (he's not an academic standout) did rankle a bit.  

[-M-]

Congratulations to your son!

 

Although I would refrain from sharing overmuch about our children if I were on FB, I do periodically send email messages to relatives to let them know how our daughters are doing. Echoing many others and agreeing that it seems reasonably safe to share here, though. I so thoroughly enjoy learning how and what everyone's children are doing -- their work, their college decisions, their volunteer gigs, their military service, their struggles, their triumphs. All of it.

Edited June 20, 2016 by M--

[Hoggirl]

Most extended family is on dh's side - I have precious little. Dh has one sister, and she has an only girl who is five years older than our ds. She has had some academic issues in the past (though she seems have gotten things together after a year break - back in school and doing fine now). I imagine our ds will complete his undergrad before she does. So, I do try to be sensitive to that. Sadly, the only one who insists on making comparisons is my f-i-l, but he in an insensitive PITA in many areas.

 

Certainly keeping in mind that others may be struggling is a very good reason not to brag too publicly. I did have ds contact my in-laws to share his news about this past quarter. If he didn't, PITA f-i-l would ask ME, and, it's really not my news to share as it's not my achievement.

[Sunshine State Sue]

I don't have a FB account, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok there. 

 

Same here.  I share in-person or by phone/email with friends/family.  Not 100% of everybody either. 

 

In one way, I think it's important to share here.  Hs'ing is a unique and often solitary endeavor.  I think sharing here helps to encourage those who walk in our footsteps.

 

Congratulations to your ds on a fantastic semester at a very challenging university.  :thumbup:

 

[GoodGrief]

I like reading people's "stuff", good/bad/ugly, on Facebook. :-) As far as I'm concerned, brag away, as long as the kiddos are okay with it. It's nice for others to see homeschool successes.

[daijobu]

I try to reserve bragging for specific situations:  (1) close family, (2) other homeschoolers if it might help them, (3) resumes, (4) interviews, and (5) applications.  

 

I try to teach my kids that bragging should be directed to people who are offering an award, a scholarship or a job.  Or your mother or grandma.  

 

Otherwise you'll get a "my kids are doing great" platitude; more details on a need to know basis.  And in person, not on social media.  

 

ETA: I never tire of hearing homeschooling success stories, so brag away here.  

Edited June 22, 2016 by daijobu

[Laura in CA]

Congrats to your son! :)

 

My son, same age, homeschooled grades 2–12, has gotten a truckload of A+ grades (at a fairly challenging school), and just heard he made Phi Beta Kappa (he will be a junior next year). And he is knocking it out of the park at his Silicon Valley summer internship. But ... I would never post anything about any of this on FB, b/c it would make some of my relatives & friends feel discouraged or grumpy, as their own kids aren't as academic. Honestly, I love hearing about everyone's kids' achievements, in any area, but I know I need to be sensitive about mentioning my kids' successes. (Thanks to PPs for encouragement to brag here! :) ). I am vague in person, too, unless someone asks specific questions; then I happily brag away. But grandparents & (sometimes) aunts & uncles get the full scoop!

 

But if I had relatives who were nasty and critical, who knows ... I might post just to say "See?!?!?" :rofl:

I have h/s-ing friends whose Christmas newsletters contain not-so-subtle brags, and I know they are trying to impress extended family who think h/s-ing is the road to ruin.

[Pawz4me]

I don't participate in social media. Even on here I've always been hesitant to share too much. That's probably mostly due to being an introvert. But I find myself more and more hesitant to post as the boys have gotten older unless it's something I really need advice about or is in the context of helping someone else. I don't know why, other than to say that (even though this board is quite anonymous) as they've gotten older it feels more and more like a violation of their privacy to post things about them. I guess I see their experiences, accomplishments and struggles as their story to tell now. Maybe it's part of the breaking away that all parents/children have to go through.

[Liza Q]

I mentioned here that my second had graduated magna cum laude a few weeks ago. My oldest just finished her masters and I didn't even think to mention that she had graduated summa cum laude - 4.0 all four semesters - because...well, in some ways her grades are not as much of an achievement as those of her sister. But this is the only place I feel comfortable being honest about my children and their grades/classes/choices/experiences - the good and the bad. The anonymity and the fact that my girls will probably never see any of my posts here make me comfortable, I think.

 

But I have never said anything like that about them on FB as they would have been mortified! I did do a funny post about how they both graduated on the same day and what a whirlwind it was for us but that was it.

 

My girls appreciate that I rarely mention them on FB. Last year, one of their friends got engaged (and just got married in May) and her mother shared more pictures of the ring and her dress than the girl did. It was embarrassing - tagging it all #shesaidyes was so over the top! My oldest got engaged in December and I said nothing about it - I didn't want to steal her thunder. I did email family members who are not on FB but that's it! On Pinterest my daughter invited me to pin on her Wedding planning boards and told me how grateful she was that I hadn't started my own Wedding boards, like several of her friends' mothers had.

 

My girls have all told me that they feel like parents who boast about their children online are taking the credit for their children's achievements. I don't know if it is always true but I want to make sure that my kids never feel that way about me!

Edited June 25, 2016 by Liza Q